When You are Pregnant, however your Friend Isn’t

 

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Gita Zarnegar, PsyD, MFT, co-founder of The Center for Authenticity, says, “It is reasonable to feel some feelings of guilt upon finding out that you are pregnant on your first attempt while your. It’s the only time in your pregnancy that it isn’t about you, so rise to the occasion. You shouldn’t expect your baby-seeking friends to throw a party or a parade for you. The best way to tell your friend that you’re pregnant is either over the phone or one on one.

The phone allows your friend to get out of the situation quickly if they want to. Here are some things to say to get. It’s important to maintain a friendship, even when one of you is pregnant while the other is not. I want your relationship to change and grow for the better, even as your belly becomes a catch-all for food and other debris!! You shouldn’t need to grow apart simply because you’re growing another human!

When you’re trying to conceive, when you’re $30,000 in the hole with no end in sight, let me tell you: It’s going to seem like every single person in the universe is with child but you. Yes, you’re the one who’s pregnant, but you’re not the only one with a life worth talking about. Your friends will be more responsive to what’s important in your life (baby, baby, baby) if you’re more responsive to what’s important in theirs (a promotion, a roommate problem, a breakup). Have patience — and ask for it, too. Being a concerned and unconditionally supportive friend — and yes, even a slightly worried friend — is not going to hurt you or your baby.

Pregnancy doesn’t give us a free pass to check out of every emotionally fraught or difficult situation, as nice as that might be. Let’s be honest, you don’t feel happy for your pregnant friend as you pretend to be. It’s normal, though no one likes it when their peer goes a step ahead and leaves them behind.

You are guilty of giving that ugly baby name to your friend, aren’t you?Being overwhelmed with joy is the only acceptable response when a friend tells you that she’s pregnant (barring any mitigating factors like being sixteen). Bursting into tears is bad, and yet that’s been my response— twice —when close friends told me they were pregnant. Now, just so I don’t leave any shred of doubt in your mind, I can tell you unequivocally, I am not even a tad pregnant. Not even a smidge.

So I just stood there, staring at her, completely frozen, and at a loss for what to say in response to this unsolicited verbal attack on my self-esteem. Eventually, I shot back, “No, I’m not. Do not say that you know you have a lot of work to do, or that you’re still trying to lose the baby weight, or that your baby is a bad sleeper so you haven’t been able to get back to your pre-pregnancy size. Just say ‘no’ and move along.

There is nothing wrong with looking like you’re pregnant or looking like you’ve had a baby.

List of related literature:

She will tell the doctor when she first feels the baby move, and he will tell her that she is now halfway through the pregnancy.

“Birth as an American Rite of Passage: Second Edition, With a New Preface” by Robbie E. Davis-Floyd
from Birth as an American Rite of Passage: Second Edition, With a New Preface
by Robbie E. Davis-Floyd
University of California Press, 2004

Although she may feel rich in the number of support people she perceives around her, she may discover she has few “pregnancy support” people because she does not have many friends her age who are also having babies—some may be close to becoming grandparents.

“Maternal & Child Health Nursing: Care of the Childbearing & Childrearing Family” by Adele Pillitteri
from Maternal & Child Health Nursing: Care of the Childbearing & Childrearing Family
by Adele Pillitteri
Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2010

Teen mothers often lose their closest friends when the baby arrives.

“Counseling the Nursing Mother” by Judith Lauwers, Anna Swisher
from Counseling the Nursing Mother
by Judith Lauwers, Anna Swisher
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2010

I have a friend who did not realize she was pregnant until she was in her sixth month.

“Everyday Life in the Muslim Middle East” by Donna Lee Bowen, Evelyn A. Early
from Everyday Life in the Muslim Middle East
by Donna Lee Bowen, Evelyn A. Early
Indiana University Press, 2002

With a first pregnancy she may not be aware of the baby’s movements until around 19 weeks.

“Pregnancy and Childbirth E-Book: A holistic approach to massage and bodywork” by Suzanne Yates
from Pregnancy and Childbirth E-Book: A holistic approach to massage and bodywork
by Suzanne Yates
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

Your friend says she is not sure she wants a doctor to deliver her second baby because she believes doctors are too busy to talk with her when she has check-ups.

“Study Guide for Maternal-Child Nursing E-Book” by Emily Slone McKinney, Sharon Smith Murray
from Study Guide for Maternal-Child Nursing E-Book
by Emily Slone McKinney, Sharon Smith Murray
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2014

Your friend may be jealous and conflicted, or she may be trying to get pregnant and is having a hard time.

“The Pregnancy Countdown Book: Nine Months of Practical Tips, Useful Advice, and Uncensored Truths” by Susan Magee, Kara Nakisbendi
from The Pregnancy Countdown Book: Nine Months of Practical Tips, Useful Advice, and Uncensored Truths
by Susan Magee, Kara Nakisbendi
Quirk Books, 2006

Coping through avoidance may include not telling friends and family about the pregnancy; delaying or refusing to use maternity clothing; resisting transfer to obstetrical care from the infertility clinic; not following medical advice; and consciously resisting bonding with the baby.

“Infertility Counseling: A Comprehensive Handbook for Clinicians” by Sharon N. Covington, Linda Hammer Burns
from Infertility Counseling: A Comprehensive Handbook for Clinicians
by Sharon N. Covington, Linda Hammer Burns
Cambridge University Press, 2006

Because of my girth and her prematurity, there were acquaintances who did not even realize I was pregnant until after I was hospitalized.

“Keto Living Day by Day: An Inspirational Guide to the Ketogenic Diet, with 130 Deceptively Simple Recipes” by Kristie Sullivan, Andreas Eenfeldt MD
from Keto Living Day by Day: An Inspirational Guide to the Ketogenic Diet, with 130 Deceptively Simple Recipes
by Kristie Sullivan, Andreas Eenfeldt MD
Victory Belt Publishing, 2018

When she finds herself pregnant, a friend tells her that if she is “determined to evade motherhood,” she knows a doctor who can help.

“Women Filmmakers in Early Hollywood” by Karen Ward Mahar
from Women Filmmakers in Early Hollywood
by Karen Ward Mahar
Johns Hopkins University Press, 2008

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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38 comments

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  • I literally just searched for the funny clip of Deji telling KSI that looking at him made it gay, and this showed up. I can TOTALLY see the resemblance in content.

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  • You give him another chance but not your friend. I never got when people do that because both of them would have been dismissed. These women be putting up with bullshit, stress, depression, madness and etc. but won’t leave. You choosing to be unhappy by being with a person that doesn’t make you happy.

  • I cried, so happy for both of you guys. Congratulations. Been following you cuz i love travel too. So good to know the little one is coming. Yeahhhhh

  • Smh..good for her finding out before the baby was born. Her sister is deadt wrong..I could NEVER and I have six sisters. My EX friend would have gotten the brakes beat off her ass #Period

  • I’m so sorry girl this happened to u but that’s gonna make u a even more stronger young beautiful woman no one deserves that not even an enemy. Much love n respect keep up shining cause that’s what you are.��������

  • I feel Really bad for this girl. Her boyfriend is the absolute pits, as to her ‘friend’ (if you can call her that) is as bad as her boyfriend and her sister new this was going on for ages and didn’t say a word. My advice to her is to dump the boyfriend and ‘friend’ straight away and to cut the sister out of her life.

  • Kim is a very beautiful black woman. Myron need to go be with Nisha and leave kim and her family alone. I think Nia didn’t tell her sister Kim because Kim probably would think she was lying just to keep her from dating Myron. At the end of the day,family is all we have

  • He wanted to get back with her so he could use Kims money on the baby and he wants to have a house to stay in. Her sister is a real slug to boot,

  • but b** you talking this little story about how you put him out he had to go so why the f*** are you on the show still dealing with the situation I thought you put him out b** fake s*** y’all be on fake shit why are you on TV then

  • I’m worried that im pregnant, its about 8 days before my period and i had intercourse 18 days ago, and ive been feeling so ill, bloated, and sore this last week. I took two test, but they are negative, I can’t afford going to the hospital, so should i just wait and see if i have a missed period to test again? It would mean a lot if i could get a reply

  • He didn’t want the relationship anymore.he want all the women he slept with. He don’t want her.and her sister WoW.loyal laid with your sister.ok.

  • This beautiful young lady could have anyone of her dreams!! I truly hope she can heal and learn to trust again after this. I know if I was betrayed by the 3 people I thought were in my corner, I’d have some trust issues for a very long time.

  • This is one of the saddest examples of a dysfunctional family that I have ever seen. The sister is so low down for siding with a friend over her own blood sister. And why did she take the lie detector test when she knew she was gonna fail? And dude, she was throwing away 3 years?!? You threw them away when you began cheating the so-called friend! Kim needs to dump all of these lying, cheating trolls and move on with her life.

  • Hello man my period date was last month 6 April but this month I didn’t get my period test is negative what should I do please help me

  • This video just has so much joy in it, makes my heart feel so full. Thank you for sharing and I know you guys are going to be the best parents!!

  • hello, my period has always been normal and I get it the 28th and stops 4-5 days later, and for 3 months now my period has been 1 week late but lasting 2 days or spotting 4 days. ive been nauseous and dizzy and sometimes hip and knee pain. sore breast and tingly nipples. and could I be pregnant? or am I over thinking

  • You could visibly see her heart breaking in actual real time. I’ve never seen anything so hurtful in my life. I want to hold her so badly and tell her how much of a Queen she is. She needs to surround herself with other positive Queens that wouldn’t EVER even LOOK at her man let alone touch him, and help build her up and show her how to keep that crown straight on her head so it doesn’t ever slip. I’ve never felt so bad for a person on tv like I did her. You could genuinely feel her pain. I pray that she dumped his ass and found someone worthy of her love as well as learned to love herself.

  • I am also really happy for you guys��������. I subscribed to your channel lately but really now addicted to your vlogs…you are so nice and real….I am from Cairo Egypt and will be waiting for you to come back to Cairo again but with your little new baby so I can take you to the other parts of Egypt that you didn’t explore yet…….my love to you both ��

  • Congratulations! Ive never been so excited for strangers to be pregnant! Cant wait to watch your pregnancy unfold and the next steps of your life. Thank you for including us in your journey.

  • Here is an interesting fact for you:
    In Russia and in general in the Slavic tradition, not everyone is informed about pregnancy until it becomes noticeable. Of course, with the exception of immediate family. Also, before the birth of a child, you can not give gifts for mom and child. And yes, this is another Russian superstition:)

  • I think it’s not fair first telling such an important thing friends and only then to parents. Maybe it’s the way we are raised in post-soviet countries, but family is always on the first place. We have really close relashions. I have a call from my mom every day and from my grandma almost every day. There’s the makeup artist from Netherlands I’m subscribed on Instagram. And lately she said that she forgot to call her mom for 3 weeks. When I told my own mom about that she said if I did so our relations would stop and she wouldn’t talk to me at all. That’s how close our family relations are.

  • My BFF died three days back and idk I saw this video on Facebook and tagged that friend long back saying he will raise my kids if I had any. I don’t know what to do now:( this video just popped up

  • Hi, my name is in a bad guy again, and I wanted to tell me, please shout me out because that’s kind of a good idea for me, don’t please shout me, don’t be shout me out, I really want to be shouted out by my favorite movie, because videos are so cool when I come back from school, I will always watch your videos, please let me one please, I’m just you biggest fan, please, please, please, please, please, I’m just your biggest fan. You was, you guys are so cool and we are, you actually look beautiful me to me, you look beautiful to me the way, and that was in part, I think you should delete it all of the virgin she said virgin because that is stupid, this mean she is beautiful, she is Mark, she is so wonderful, and Danielle I know that you are being too t, if you’re not then who then who is to see please tell me please shout me out please please, I beg you, I beg you to the holy GodI beg you please I

  • bro she do not deserve that dusty ass dude & for her sister to not be honest w her �� hell NO. Family aint shit, dudes ain’t shit, she need a whole new clique!

  • You should do if guys were pregnant if you don’t want to do it they you can do tootsie and Riya and cinnamon were friends then Dan comes and trying to marry cinnamon but she rejects him

  • Ya
    You should do switching lives with your enemy for a day also I think that Daniel and Rea in the skits should be boyfriend and girlfriend because you are so like yeah But I hope I get a shout out Ya bye ��

  • If he did that to her once…..she better believe he has cheated with other women multiple times. He is nasty, grimy and weak. Be a man, stop lying and own up to your BULLSHIT!!!

  • I only hve one day period on july,and in august i didnt hve any period,i hve symptoms for about a week so i take a test but its invalid.after 3 days i test again but its negative.am i pregnant or just having a phantom pregnancy?im 41 years old thou

  • Hi, real and Danielle, my name is a Baker, and I really, really, really love your movies and it’s super cool, I am kind of shy and you are very cool, you guys, I watch your videos all the time. It’s amazing for me, but my name is the bigger, like I said, my name is Bekah and I think you should need me make another pregnant video, but this time is via it’s me who’s lying, and she’s lying to to see dad, dad, dad, she was pregnant with a baby and she was pregnant, that’s you that you should be pregnant with Chad’s but you’re actually not, and you actually lied to a Daniel, andso you should like to to, to see so you should like to to see, and then she will figure out cause, then Daniel will call her and say she does text me. He told me that that you were lying so goodbye you bitch and he should send Daniels should say that

  • I’m going on two months with no period and I have pretty much all the symptoms. My nipples hurt and my boobs seem more vainy, I’ve been extremely tired, emotional, nausea, dizziness, always feeling hot,etc. The thing is after a month of missing my period I went to the doctor and had a negative pregnancy test. I have an appointment on December 12th and this will be my second missed period. I truly think I am pregnant,I’m going through things I’ve never felt before Idk what to do

  • Mam I need a clarification,right now m in my 2nd trimester, and I tested through pregnancy test strip which came negative… Y it came negative?..

  • I’m 3 days late. I have burning sensations and cramps. I had few drops of period a week ago.. I’m afraid to take a negative pregnancy test ��

  • start listing probable names, you don’t want to hurry things later. thinking of the moment when your little munchkin would know how cool and real his/her parent are, love

  • I was 10 days late I had all the pregnancy symptoms. i took a test which was negative then started bleeding light pink blood but then got a little darker. Wot could it mean

  • It’s absolutely no true that pregnancy symptoms don’t start til 5/6 weeks. In all three of my pregnancies I suffered morning sickness before my period was due. I tested early and got strong BPFs in the first two and a faint one in the third and miscarried. Studies don’t always give a true representation.

  • I have been having symptoms of pregnancy I miss my period last month but I took like 5 or 6 test all negative my period hasn’t been about 18 day late what do I do