Planning a Funeral to have an Infant

 

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Planning a funeral for an infant is a task that no parent wants to undertake. Unfortunately because of stillbirth, early infant demise, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome or any number of other reasons, you may find yourself doing just that. Take the time that you need to grieve, and enlist as much help as possible as you plan a funeral that gives your baby the proper memorial and honor as a. Get Help Preparing the Service When you’re ready to move forward with saying goodbye to your little one, bring in the baby funeral experts. Contact them by either phone or email, whatever is most convenient.

After this event is over, you’ll appreciate being able to. Three Things To Achieve. Establish the significance of the loss. Talk about the pain, and how difficult it is going to be to survive the loss. Establish the significance of the infant who died. How although their number of days was very short, their life changed other lives.

Establish the social. Taking your baby home before the funeral. Some parents like to take their baby home before the funeral.

Unless a post mortem has been ordered by a coroner or procurator fiscal, this is normal and legal. Some hospitals and mortuaries provide cold cots you can borrow to keep your baby cool at home. ‘Our friend is an undertaker. As a continuation of my story of Infant Loss, I want to share my experience of planning and having the perfect funeral for my baby girl, Gianna.Just a reminder that this is my story which took place 4 years ago, this past May. If you want to read from the beginning, start with my first post: Finding out there is something wrong with my baby.Gianna was born on a Thursday, passed away the.

The funeral director will help you through the planning and organizing process, and the baby will likely be kept in the funeral home or in the hospital before the service. Details of the funeral. The National Funeral Directors Association calculated the average cost of a burial funeral to be $7,300 and the average cost of a cremation funeral to be $3,100 in 2018, so if you plan on saving money on funeral expenses, then I highly recommend choosing a cremation funeral. Sample Funeral Message for an Infant Rev. Tony Cooke.

Dear Heavenly Father, We have come here this day to commit to your loving care, the spirit of _. We have also come to show our love and support for these dear parents, _ and _, and to surround them with our love, our prayers, and our faith. A funeral planning meeting, sometimes called a funeral arrangement conference, is the time for us to plan a tribute fitting of the individual. We will talk about your family’s traditions, your loved one’s wishes and any religious requirements you might have.

asking for donations to the hospital that looked after their baby or a baby charity. avoiding black and asking guests to wear bright colours or white instead. having a white coffin and asking family, friends and siblings to write messages on it. encouraging family and friends to write letters to place in the coffin.

List of related literature:

To do this you may want to arrange rituals and create memorials that acknowledge your baby’s life.

“Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby” by Deborah L. Davis
from Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby
by Deborah L. Davis
Fulcrum Pub., 1996

Discuss with the parents options such as seeing, holding, bathing, or dressing the deceased infant; visitation by other family members or friends; religious or cultural rituals; and funeral arrangements.

“Saunders Comprehensive Review for the NCLEX-RN® Examination E-Book” by Linda Anne Silvestri
from Saunders Comprehensive Review for the NCLEX-RN® Examination E-Book
by Linda Anne Silvestri
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

Meaningful mementos chosen by the parents or the baby’s siblings can be placed in the casket with the infant.

“Comprehensive Neonatal Care: An Interdisciplinary Approach” by Carole Kenner, Judy Wright Lott
from Comprehensive Neonatal Care: An Interdisciplinary Approach
by Carole Kenner, Judy Wright Lott
Saunders Elsevier, 2007

Hospital staff can also arrange for the baby’s transfer to a funeral home.

“Counseling the Nursing Mother” by Judith Lauwers, Anna Swisher
from Counseling the Nursing Mother
by Judith Lauwers, Anna Swisher
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2015

• Provide the family with baby mementos and pictures to validate the reality of death.

“Maternity and Pediatric Nursing” by Susan Scott Ricci, Terri Kyle
from Maternity and Pediatric Nursing
by Susan Scott Ricci, Terri Kyle
Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2009

Also, make arrangements ahead of time for a close family member or care-giver to take the child if he needs to leave, so you can remain at the funeral.

“Caring for Your Baby and Young Child” by Steven P. Shelov
from Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
by Steven P. Shelov
Oxford University Press, 1997

Ideally, for deaths likely to occur in the hospital, the infant and family should be placed in a private room with enough space for all family members to be present to support the parents in their grieving process.

“Avery's Diseases of the Newborn E-Book” by Christine A. Gleason, Sherin Devaskar
from Avery’s Diseases of the Newborn E-Book
by Christine A. Gleason, Sherin Devaskar
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2011

When the death is expected, there is the opportunity to make plans in advance, such as where the child should spend the last days or what types of funeral arrangements are desired.

“Wong's Nursing Care of Infants and Children E-Book” by Marilyn J. Hockenberry, David Wilson
from Wong’s Nursing Care of Infants and Children E-Book
by Marilyn J. Hockenberry, David Wilson
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2018

Care for the infant after death may include funeral arrangements, such as choosing the clothes or bathing and even dressing the infant.

“Merenstein & Gardner's Handbook of Neonatal Intensive Care E-Book: An Interprofessional Approach” by Sandra Lee Gardner, Brian S. Carter, Mary I Enzman-Hines, Susan Niermeyer
from Merenstein & Gardner’s Handbook of Neonatal Intensive Care E-Book: An Interprofessional Approach
by Sandra Lee Gardner, Brian S. Carter, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2020

To help you begin thinking about your options, ask your caregiver or childbirth educator how families are typically cared for after a stillbirth or infant death.

“Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide” by Janet Walley, Penny Simkin, Ann Keppler, Janelle Durham, April Bolding
from Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide
by Janet Walley, Penny Simkin, et. al.
Meadowbrook, 2016

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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53 comments

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  • Recently attended a graveside for a three day old little angel, and used to be the House manager for a hospitality house that provides rooms for the families of sick children. These funerals are very heavy, not only are they burying they’re infant, they’re also saying goodbye to hopes and dreams that they had for their future ������

  • When I was a medic in the Army and on call for the soldiers and their families, 2 toddlers passed away and I could not resuscitate either, and yes, I cried with the parents and I still do sometimes. It was so sad and it still saddens me to this date. Of course, I am not a Funeral Director, so I somewhat understand your feelings. It is truly difficult.

  • Mother of the year there… 3 kids and in jail.. her love wasn’t strong enough to not break the law and where was this friend when her daughter was drowning the baby…. inbreds

  • I had a stillborn at 40 weeks, the guy that came into my room.to get my son was cold, I didnt feel comfortable letting him take my baby but my husband talked me down and I let him go,

  • My nephew passed away unexpectedly at 5 days old in 2016. It was the worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life. I think of him everyday.

  • wow thanks for sharing this and I can see as you talk about it it’s hard to talk about it and that’s keeping it real. I’m praying with you and others who work in the FH business.

  • I went to a wake for a baby of my friend’s years ago. It was a shaken baby case and I knew him. It was heartbreaking. He was one of the happiest babies I ever saw, always laughing. Remember it like it was yesterday.

  • If you think about it, every time a child dies, there goes part of our future because children are our future. They’ll one day grow up and run this world when we’re gone. Children are basically our replacements because one day it’ll be our turn to go when our life journey is done and we’ve reached the end of the road. That’s when children will have to be trained up on how to run this world when we’re gone. Before we go, we often get to see young people doing what we once did. This is part of how we can go in peace when it’s our turn for those who can go in peace. Children again are our future and every time a child dies, it’s a threat to our future because children are the future. This is why child deaths are so hard on many people, not just people in your field but also the families, especially the parents and especially moreso the mother who carried each child. Rest assured though, it was discovered that many times more times than not, children do go to heaven, especially the babies who didn’t even have a chance at life

    I think we need people just like you to advocate for the unborn and talk mothers out of abortion who are considering it because I think someone like you can actually succeed especially in your position. I think if I were you I would try my hand at it and use what you’re telling us here to minister to these mothers considering abortion and try to talk them out of it, I think you may very well succeed at so many cases and save lives

  • Lauren, thank you for this most thoughtful, touching video, addressing the taking care of / burial (s) of children. My parents lost a son, he was a fullterm baby, whose esophagus wasn’t completely formed….Carlos was only six days on this earth, but, much loved.
    I can’t imagine how my parents dealt with this crushing loss, the fact that they had three other children that needed them, must have helped greatly!
    Thank you for the love and care that you give to all your families served especially, those with children of any age. Blessings, Xx.
    Genevieve from NM

  • When covering a news story of a mother who lost her child…. What does mentioning her warrants have to do with anything. She’s grieving!

  • eyyyy the first one is from phillipines!
    yes!!!!!!!!!!
    nobody talks about phillpines
    (thats where i live)
    o yea u pronounce filipino as fili pea no

  • Unfortunately stillbirth and infant loss is so common and the silence needs to be broken. Our babies names need to be heard. Loosing our son was the worst nightmare, but our funeral home made sure every single thing was perfect for him

  • Y a pas plus douloureux sur cette terre que perdre son enfant car en principe c les enfants qui enterrent les parents. quand leurs heures viennent. Bref… mystère Rip petit ange. Courage aux parents

  • We have so many questions as to who could have had the baby. Perhaps her mom couldnt have the baby due to something we know nothing about. The courts placed that baby in her friends care because she trusted her. Smh. Many prayers to this family.

  • R.I.p father and daughter whoever did this god is going to get them people always killing others knowing god is not happy with people killing each other.

  • I SI admire you and your work and what you give back to the family’s…this,why I didn’t move forward with my Mortuary science degree… I just knew that I was too… sensitive and wouldn’t be able to face these special circumstances. I admire you very much.

  • It’s nice to hear your side of this. My son was stillborn 20 years ago and I always wondered how it affects the people at the funeral home.

  • and life does not start at conseption it starts once that heart starts beating i hate religous people their dumber then a sack of dog shit

  • What type of mother leaves her baby who can’t speak yet to a person who she had just met!!!!?!?!???! Is she mentally challenged or what!?!? Stupid woman!

  • Thank you for this video. It’s one of my biggest worries going into the funeral business. I have 3 kid’s, and I think that could even make it harder for me to not put myself in the loved ones shoes.

  • I would love to have an answer for this question…. how old does a baby have to be for their to be a funeral? Or rather, a fetus? I’ve known many people who have miscarriages and I always wonder what happens with their miscarried baby… the babies are sometimes big enough to look like a child when they come out but not really at the same time. What happens to grieving mothers for miscarried babies that are simply too small, how do they get their closure? This may be a difficult question for you to answer but it’s something I’ve always wondered.. (edit) okay I need to be more specific on this, what happens to the babies that are miscarried but simply too small or just not at all developed fully? Where do they go? How do grieving mothers get over a child that they can’t have a service for simply because they are far too small and underdeveloped?

  • Did the reporter really call this woman “diminutive”? I bet this woman is just as tall or even taller than this reporter, lol. Using words whose meaning you don’t know only exposes your ignorance, it doesn’t make you look smarter, reporter!

  • They go to heaven and be ok. Never lost any kids so I know if I did I’d go crazy. My mother lost one at 9 months old don’t know how she survived feel for her. She’s gonna now with her son that’s good she’s with h now

  • Your emotions said it all, and for that I thank you. I am the bereaved mother of two children. My son was stillborn at full term in 1986. My 18 year old daughter was killed in a MVA and her boyfriend also died. I have no surviving children. To not feel some emotion when dealing with pregnancy or infant loss, is inhumane. Cry with those parents. A kind word or a hug says much. Bless you.��

  • I was a month when i lost my little one, i was never given a memory box or anything�� i wonder what they did with my baby but i think about him/her �� jus two days ago i cried wishing that my baby was here with and he/she would have been 2 this year ����

  • I’m a newborn photographer for my local hospital and i photograph stillborns and miscarriages for parents that want them i agree that they are perfect little angels and its so so so hard to be professional and not burst into tears when in the rooms with the families its the hardest thing I’ve experienced professionally as a mother myself and i can still see each of those little perfect faces in my mind i will also definitely hold them in my heart forever

  • moms and dads please stop letting strangers around your babies they dont deserve to die because these wolves in sheep clothing who you only know for 2 weeks sweep you off your feet. these monsters find weak people and their children to pay on

  • Thanking God? For the hope he gave these parents -than took away? Huh? We deserve a better God. A God we shouldn’t have to make lame excuses for.

  • you most understand some guys will date women with young kids just so they can get to the kids they dont care about the moms they just want to get to the kids and single moms are plentiful to find so there easy targets

  • The best explanation for this, came from a funeral director I watched on a local talk show. He was invited to speak at a elementary school, lightly touching on the topic of death. In the Q&A portion of the session, a child asked “why do babies have to die?” He stated on the talk show that, the question hit home, hard, for him, as he & his wife had lost their small child just recently. But before he could try to answer, another classmate quickly spoke up,saying that “God wouldn’t want to be surrounded by just old people!” He stated that, in the first time since his loss of his own child, this made sense & he & his wife had found comfort in that simple remark. Sorry for the long comment, but that story had stuck with me for decades.

  • Lovely idea. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks. I kept the ultrasound pictures. you do go on to have a healthy baby as i did but your heart never forgets.14 years and that little one still has a place in my heart.

  • You have such a kind personality. It would be comforting to know the person helping me through a loss has empathy and really cares. You seem to be cut out for this job.

  • I am an atheist, and at times I feel envious of those who have their spiritual/religious beliefs to fall back on. I do not have the luxury of believing that everything happens for a reason, that the person is in a better place, that I will see them again someday etc. I would imagine it is a lot easier as a funeral director also to deal with people of faith, particularly if you are also a person of faith. What do you do when you are dealing with people who do not believe in a god or an afterlife? What do you say to comfort them? To ease the pain that is knawing at them, and threatening to consume them? In a sense, I think that the grieving process is a lot harder on us for that reason. For me, death is the end. Period. And everything is just random. There is no rhyme or reason to anything. It is all just the luck of the draw. Death is always difficult to deal with. But children are NOT supossed to die. It just doesn’t feel right. And it doesn’t just make me sad, it makes me angry! And it just further solidifies my beliefs. How can I possibly believe in a god when the world is so full of misery, suffering and injustice? I really wish that I could believe. But I just can’t. ☹

  • My deepest condolences to you and your family. I have two precious babies ( well they are 17 and 14 ) and I couldn’t ever think of losing them. RIP little angel, rest with Jesus.

  • I recently just became a removal technician. I was so excited, I’m 19 and have been interested in this business since I was 17. I love the job so far and havent had any issues with any pick ups, but I didnt expect to have to pick up a baby so soon, it was hard for me and my coworker considering we both have children. You are SO right about the part where you arrive at the funeral home and how quiet it is, how perfect the little babies look (this little one was 9 months old) I know it will never be “easy” to pick up a baby, but I only hope it gets easier. I’m glad I found your channel!!!

  • Bless you for finding the strength to care for the babies and families. I know that being a funeral director is a calling. But cases involving babies or children is where the world really sees what that means.
    My husband and I have 6 children, but only one was born alive. In fact, we just had our last stillborn baby back on December 4th of this past year. I was 20 weeks along and everything was going well until it wasn’t. My cervix just gave out. Our baby boy was perfectly healthy too. This all happened 4 days after my husband’s birthday and 3 days before mine. The hardest part wasn’t the painful labor, feeling my water break while talking to the visiting priest, calling the funeral home while still in the hospital, or even having to leave our son’s tiny body behind at discharge time. Hubby and I are tough as steel coated with teflon in hard times. The hardest part was having to explain to our then-4 year old daughter that the little baby brother she wanted more than anything wasn’t coming home with us. The funeral director who did arrangements with us is a mom with a daughter about the same age as ours. She had to excuse herself from the room because she was welling up. On the morning of December 7th, my 34th birthday, I get a call from the funeral home. My son’s ashes will be ready for pickup by 3pm. I don’t want to see another birthday cake, card, or present for the rest of my life. There is no joy in life anymore. Then the following February, my mom finally lost her battle with young-onset Alzheimer’s. I like to believe the Lord called her home to help watch over all of those babies. She was the world’s best mom and nana after all.

  • The death penalty is fitting to be applied to such a monster. If we respect life, the helpless and the most vulnerable we need to do the outmost effort to eliminate the individuals that choose to scape the realm of humanity and become monsters, do not deserve to draw breath and must be dealt with harshly, speedily and with all severity and resolve to make it a powerful deterrent to any other deviant in society in the future.

  • This is so sad, her kids live with a grandmother and a aunt…she has another child and couldn’t get the grandmother or aunt to help so the friend says yes but the 14 year old living there killed the baby probably because of the crying. This is beyond sad that poor baby.

  • Have you ever done a child funeral that the death was not natural like murder? You are so strong i could not do that I buried my baby he was 7 months along when his heart stopped in my belly

  • I lost a baby girl at 15 weeks gestation the hosptial took photos for us and we had her cremated. She sits on our mantel. It means so much that her life had meaning regardless of how short it was.

  • You drown a baby you should burn in hell you’re an evil Twisted soul for killing for taking the innocent baby girl’s life you should burn in hell for that

  • Thank you for doing this video Lauren. I can tell how hard it was for you to talk about yet I am in awe of how you handle yourself in your profession. How proud your family and employers must be of you! xoxox

  • Lauren, the fact that you can cry with the families you care for, is a testament to the kind of woman you are. God has you in the perfect place that you are needed. God Bless you, Sweetheart ��❤️.

  • I’m so sorry for your little baby she didn’t get to see the whole world yet Alicia key is in heaven she’ll grow up in heaven with God

  • Idk why so many ppl can’t understand why a woman would rather her child go to someone else rather her own mother… Think.. not all grandmother are safe havens o done have their own CPS cases.

    Also drown does not mean on purpose. The child could have been trying to bathe the baby and left her. She should not been allowed to be along with the infant.. the 14 is a child also

  • Thanx for sharing. My sister had a miscarriage and it changed her from an outgoing free spirit to a very mean person. Can’t imagine what y’all funeral directors go through when making arrangements for a baby.

  • I don’t care if that girl was 14, 15, or 21 I’d beat the eff out of her. She KNEW exactly what she was doing and the ramifications of her actions. Poor baby Justice ❤️

  • It takes a special person to do this God gave you a gift but all those babies are in heaven and god has a plan and purpose for everything my question is do u embalm babies use cosmetics etc

  • This had me in tears. Once you started talking about Ministers and Clergy members, all I could think of was the amazing Rabbi that did my grandpas service. His words were so comforting, and I’m so glad you have those kind of people at your fingertips. LOVE YOU.

  • So sorry for your loss thoughts and prayers for you, your family, your friends, and those who knew this baby precious little angel child. God bless you and yours. Amen to that Amen. Rest in peace little precious angel child forever and ever.

  • I love how compassionate you are with this! My daughter was stillborn at 27 weeks. She would have turned 6 years old last month. The funeral home we went through wasn’t as compassionate.

  • I love your channel so much. this is such a sensitive, sad topic to talk about. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for the families to lose their babies. You seem like such a caring, warm hearted, compassionate person. thank you for sharing your experiences with us. xoxo

  • I am In tears!!! I am so,so sorry for your loss. He was such a Beautiful baby boy. Now he has his wings…. fly high among the angels sweet boy.