How to reply to Unrequested Pregnancy Advice

 

Unsolicited Advice

Video taken from the channel: Warrior Saints


 

Dealing with Unsolicited Parenting Advice: Collab

Video taken from the channel: Finding The Forresters


 

How to deal with unsolicited feedback and advice

Video taken from the channel: The Rise To The Top


 

How to Respond to Unsolicited Advice | Cyrus Ausar

Video taken from the channel: Cyrus Ausar


 

How to respond to unsolicited advice

Video taken from the channel: Zach Good


 

What’s wrong with unsolicited advice?

Video taken from the channel: Katey Flowers Tarot


 

How To Deal With Unsolicited Advice

Video taken from the channel: ThinkTank


How to respond when it’s a stranger: Keep it short and sweet. Whether you’re answering a question or addressing an inappropriate comment, try not to send the message that you’re Ignore. You have the right to not engage at all. Remember that you are in charge. You can walk away completel. Most new parents are hit with it: Unwanted baby advice from family, friends, even strangers.

WebMD explores why so many people feel compelled to give. Not all unsolicited advice is bad advice. Consider whether the advice you are given may actually be valuable. If you find that it is, make sure to thank the person who gave it.

While it may be very annoying, it’s important to remember that most people are genuinely trying to help. When I was pregnant I got alot of unsolicited advice. But in a way I was happy to hear it all.

This is our first child so we had no idea about anything and by listening to other people’s stories and advice, when your baby is screaming in the middle of the night and rocking and swaying isn’t working, then you can try something that someone said.. Pregnant Woman Finds the Perfect Way to Respond to Unsolicited Advice This hilarious mom-to-be knew exactly what to say when a stranger commented on her coffee consumption. By Quinn Fish posted Aug 2nd, 2019 at 4:56pm. You can nod and smile, or you can come back with a snappy remark.

Just know that you’re not going to change their mind on the number of kids they think you should have, and it’s really not worth the breath it would take to even try. Comments about your choice for the baby’s name. It may start with, “It’s really none of my business but ” or “I couldn’t help but noticing ”. You listen, or at least pretend to listen.

Then, when they seem to have made their point, say these magic words, “I’ll have to look into that.”. Some people seem to think that they have been put on planet earth to give others unsolicited advice. They are unaware that unsolicited advice can come across arrogant and annoying. Here are a few snappy comebacks to let the meddler know that you don’t want to hear their advice in the future. Additionally, many people offer their advice because pregnancy is exciting and they simply want to share in your experience.

Keep in mind, most women enjoy remembering what it was like for them and just want to share their journey with you. So, if you suspect this is the case, simply smile politely and then move on. Ignore Advice from Strangers This one’s the easy partevery time you have a random stranger offer you advice, just smile, nod and be as diplomatic as possible before you make your exit.

Reply with simple words like ‘interesting,’ thank them and then just take off.

List of related literature:

Instead, keep your sense of humour handy and take one of two approaches: Politely inform the well-meaning stranger, friend, or relative that you have a trusted practitioner who counsels you on your pregnancy and that, even though you appreciate the thought, you can’t accept advice from anyone else.

“What to Expect When You're Expecting 4th Edition” by Heidi Murkoff, Sharon Mazel
from What to Expect When You’re Expecting 4th Edition
by Heidi Murkoff, Sharon Mazel
Simon & Schuster UK, 2010

• Whether or not they want contact with their baby, tell them, “I’m here to listen if you’d like to talk about your baby, your pregnancy and delivery, and how you’re doing.”

“Manual of High Risk Pregnancy and Delivery E-Book” by Elizabeth S. Gilbert
from Manual of High Risk Pregnancy and Delivery E-Book
by Elizabeth S. Gilbert
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

Respond by saying, “You caused your baby’s injury and you feel guilty.”

“Mosby's Review Questions for the NCLEX-RN Exam E-Book” by Patricia M. Nugent, Judith S. Green, Barbara A. Vitale, Phyllis K. Pelikan
from Mosby’s Review Questions for the NCLEX-RN Exam E-Book
by Patricia M. Nugent, Judith S. Green, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

Acknowledge the client’s pregnancy and allow her to discuss her feelings about what the pregnancy means.

“Maternity and Pediatric Nursing” by Susan Scott Ricci, Terri Kyle
from Maternity and Pediatric Nursing
by Susan Scott Ricci, Terri Kyle
Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2009

How about, “You used to be a lot more fun before you got pregnant,” or “My chiropractor’s wife didn’t need any medication when she delivered their baby, and I don’t think you should take any either,” or “I know you have the flu, but do you really need that antihistamine?” (that the doctor recommended)!

“The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy” by Vicki Iovine
from The Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy
by Vicki Iovine
Pocket Books, 2007

For example, “Please tell me what I can do to help you through this stressful time in your pregnancy.”

“All-in-One Nursing Care Planning Resource: Medical-Surgical, Pediatric, Maternity, and Psychiatric-Mental Health” by Pamela L. Swearingen
from All-in-One Nursing Care Planning Resource: Medical-Surgical, Pediatric, Maternity, and Psychiatric-Mental Health
by Pamela L. Swearingen
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2015

For example, you might tell them, ‘I would have been so excited to have been pregnant with you!

“Attachment in Common Sense and Doodles: A Practical Guide” by Miriam Silver
from Attachment in Common Sense and Doodles: A Practical Guide
by Miriam Silver
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2013

And if the barrage of unsolicited advice you’ll inevitably receive on how to become pregnant makes you second­guess your decision, you may want to arm yourself with this one­size­fits­all comeback: “Thanks, but we actually know how to make a baby.”

“What to Expect: Before You're Expecting” by Sharon Mazel, Heidi Murkoff
from What to Expect: Before You’re Expecting
by Sharon Mazel, Heidi Murkoff
Simon & Schuster UK, 2010

If she chooses to ignore your advice, you can remind her of the potential danger to her baby and urge her to tell her baby’s caregiver about the substance she is using.

“Counseling the Nursing Mother” by Judith Lauwers, Anna Swisher
from Counseling the Nursing Mother
by Judith Lauwers, Anna Swisher
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2010

Now I always start by asking if the woman wishes to continue with the pregnancy, and then I congratulate if appropriate.

“Clinical Examination Skills for Healthcare Professionals” by Hannah Abbott, Mark Ranson
from Clinical Examination Skills for Healthcare Professionals
by Hannah Abbott, Mark Ranson
M&K Update Limited, 2017

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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104 comments

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  • I always about to broke their knee or smth so that i could give them advice later about how to heal it, how to not punch it accidentally like that for example etc. Ohhh these advice givings such a pleasure when you think about it, you can see yourself as good person immediately. Just broke their knee, If everybody does it, then its ok!

  • My mom gives unsolicited advice about my life. Instead of telling her to shut the fuck up which is more rude, I just shut the fuck up, which eventually allows her to shut the fuck up.

  • Sure some people give advice in a condescending manner, but for the most part if someone gives u advice it means they care enough about u to bother doing so. Who cares if u already know or think u know better it is kinda childish taking offense

  • I am thankful for this exploration, especially as I am sure it is a difficult subject given the nature of various responses/reactions people may have to this. I second what you’ve discussed and boundaries are so important. I have certainly felt the lines of boundaries seem to be blurred on social media despite when they’re put in place clearly and it would be great if reflection before action was a more regular practice. So many thoughts but I won’t write more because I will simply be echoing what you said. <3

  • “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”. Or something like that. Looks like your relationship with the internet has evolved to a level where you had to say: “we need to talk”:) And talk you should. I think. So now, either this relationship continues to mature, or, there is going to be a break up talk:D I hope not:)

  • I just keep saying “ok, ok, I’ll take that into consideration” until they stfu. I hate when ppl do that. And like they said, you can just tell that people are projecting their own personal issues onto you.

  • A red flag to wether someone is giving you advice because of their ego is when they get annoyed if you don’t follow it. You can assume they are just trying to control you.

  • Giving advice is like flying-it’s all in the approach. My personal policy is this: as long as it’s given in a respectable manner, i’ll hear what you have to say. I may not agree, but I will hear you out. Not all people like that, however. Keep that in mind.

    “You come correct, we listen.”
    The Wire

  • I’ve always thought “don’t take it personally” is stupid also.

    “don’t take it personally”

    “okay, let me go and get a lobotomy real quick, you f*cking dumb*ss, by the way don’t take that personally”

  • I remember that live and I felt so close to you because I really get it, and I get what you are saying now for sure. Maybe part of it is our online community is full of empaths and intuitives so they feel a need to share what they feel but you touched on the various problem with this. I definitely love how we can share and commiserate with each other… we do share a lot of the same issues because of how I think a lot of us are wired… it’s what makes us great readers… but we are not each other’s clients or life coaches so giving unsolicited advice can cause so much damage. The funny thing is that I almost sent you and email but I had a feeling you were going to be overwhelmed and decided to wait a bit. 😉 I appreciate how you handled this topic and I’m thankful that you addressed it in such a perfect way. Much love, my friend. ❤️❤️❤️��

  • Wow! How do y all have so many hateful rabid trolls in the comments section? Like how is this shit even controversial or disruptive. Are they just hating on y all because you’re women?? Hmm.. dumb!

  • As always, I simply love the courage and insights you’re unfolding. This video should go down in history. I’ll show this to my daughters. This is a lesson for life. Thank you, dear Katey <3

  • I didn’t think I was going to say this, but they actually have a point. Some unsolicited advice can actually be helpful, but wouldn’t it be better if people asked things about you before suggesting stuff instead of just coming over with some potentially dumb advice?

  • TRUMPS PEOPLE ARE REALLY GETTING CRAZIER AND MORE HATEFUL IN THE COMMENTS. keep up the good work think tank. hannah, jason and ava are my favorites besides john.

  • People give unsolicited advice because they judge another person’s decision/performance as substandard in some way. They could be mistaken (or not) and have bad intentions (or not), but the measure of whether we should give/take that advice is if that advice is good (or not). I have been offered unsolicited advice just like anyone else but have rarely felt that the advice giver was personally attacking me. Sometimes the advice was on target, sometimes it wasn’t. So I can’t really get why unsolicited advice is disliked. If I get advice that helps me in some way, to me, the advice giver should be considered a real friend, not someone I need to shut down. Just trying to understand the perspectives given in the video.

  • That was such a great video, Katey! THANK YOU for being so open on here!!! It’s such an important topic. I was part of that Live chat and very touched by it, and my guess what that your inbox would be filled with looooots of eMails afterwards. People like to “fix” people/situations and that’s where the trouble starts, because a lot of them think their solution is the right thing to do. But it is not. There is no right way, there is only our own way. No two people grief or love or live or heal alike. we all have different needs. It all depends on our background, upbringing, individual situation. What will be a cure for one, might harm another. People should be more mindful of giving advice or even stating their questions (i.e. why don’t you have kids, when will you get married, why don’t you do it like this, you’d better wear this etc.) Even unsolicited advice or “stupid”/nosey questions from family and friends can cause more harm than good. If you really want to help just say “I am so sorry. Let me know if and how I can help you” and just sit with that person or in the internet world just let this person decide whether to answer or not. What’s even worse is when people get mad at you for not following their advice… oh dear… you see that’s a topic I could ramble on over for a long time. Sending you a big kudos hug X

  • I did not mean for this video to go up today! I must’ve scheduled it for the wrong day �� So I’m afraid I was not prepared, but I will be getting back and reading your comments soon. Thanks everyone x

  • YES! This is such an important video! That word “unsolicited” is one that can’t be stressed enough. There is a MASSIVE difference between saying, “Can I help?” and saying, “Here’s what I think you should do.” The former is okay (as long as you can accept “no” as an answer!), the latter is arrogant and intrusive — even on a subject as apparently frivolous as what shade of lipstick you think someone shouldn’t wear. When it comes to mental health…just…ack. You said it better than I ever could. A million kudos. And thank you!

  • Ok bye bye this is to stupid. You just have one less subscriber now. Hannah ruined this Show and the stupid shit she is talking really hurts my brain. I feel like i just lost 5 IQ Points by watching this. No wonder John is no longer around on here. Oh and maybe Hannah should listen more often to others when they give her advice maybe then she wouldn`t talk so much bullshit.

  • It was really difficult to focus on the answers and the information being given in the video because the woman on our right is constantly cutting off the woman on our left. I’m not sure whether she was able to get through more than a couple of full sentences without the other at least once making a one word comment, repeating what she’d JUST said, or just full on cutting her off to say whatever was on her mind(at times, I wondered if she was trying to be her hype *woah*man). I don’t think she even noticed that after she asked her a question about her personal experience, she spoke through almost every single sentence she tried to reply to her with. And even when she got louder and the woman answering laughed uncomfortably because she was visibly getting a little frustrated that she couldn’t speak, the other was still ignorant to her feelings. It was just incredibly distracting and made the entire thing a little uncomfortable to sit through….

  • I try to move on and shut it down but they force the conversation to continue and it’s always about situations and problems they know nothing about.

  • So true! I admire your emotional maturity and how you set boundaries for yourself, whilst being respectful and kind to others. Thank you for speaking up and out on this topic. ❤️

  • I think there’s a difference between giving “unsolicited advice” and making a suggestion. People are free to not listen to it, but don’t get annoyed by it. Especially with domestic/household stuff or if you know each other well.

  • Is this what the fuck America has come to? Making a video about people giving “unsolicited advice?” Big fucking deal people big fucking deal

  • hey Hannah please use you victim mentality to explain to me how unsolicited advice is mens fault and is a form of rape?
    don’t let this video distract you from the time Hannah tried telling everyone a slap on the ass is the same as rape.

  • I grade people on they’re approach. If the advice is unsolicited, but relevant, you get btwn a Bto C If it’s irrelevant AND unsolicited you automatically get an F+, unless it’s so off base that it’s funny, then it’s a D. If it’s a stranger, they get an Fand I yell “Stranger danger!”

  • Maybe if you did not do coke & say utterly moronic & non-sensical shit on camera. Well then maybe just maybe people would not feel the need to tell you exactly how idiotic you are acting:
    “Any interaction that you have with anyone. You should assume that they are projecting on to you”…Yeah by that logic you are always flawless & any criticism you get is in fact just a projection of the faults of someone else.
    The blond should not give any advice to anyone.

  • Ahhhhhhh yes. I just love the content you put out there like this! Thank you. A big theme for me personally this year is setting boundaries and discernment. So thank you for the helpful reminder and example of standing in your power and saying… NOPE. Not cool. Thanks!

  • I love what Ava said about taking things personally. How else should a PERSON take advise, mechanically? It reminds me of the old Chris Rock joke. You know the one when people say that a tiger went crazy for attacking it’s trainer. Rock was like, “That tiger didn’t go crazy, that tiger went tiger!” Tigers kill shit, people take things personally. Now you do have the option of reacting or not reacting dramatically. That is a real option, however there will always be a part for your brain that whispers, “What the hell is that suppose to mean?”

    P.S. it’s Christmas girls, red and green, red and green. You both look sexy, but damn, who died? Do yo wear white on Memorial Day?

  • The spaces between sentences relax me, without them sounds stressful to listen to!!
    I love your videos and the balanced way you think about things which puts things in perspective for me as I struggle with this kind of thinking. I really appreciate all the help I’ve received from watching your videos ♥️

  • Someone who is close to me “ALWAYS” gives advice. Unsolicited. And I think that since, with various mental illnesses, a person finds it difficult to “see themselves (or their true intentions) clearly”. In other words, it’s easy for certain personality types ( or those with mental issues) to lie to themselves and TRYLY BELIEVE. (Within their heart of hearts) that their only intention in giving unsolicited advice is to help the person they’re giving the advice to. I don’t think they see it as a self-serving or self-centered action. At least, that’s what I’ve noticed with the people who do this “for“ me. I used to feel very angry towards the particular person in thinking of. And this video helped me to understand better why I would feel that way. The unsolicited advice giver is crossing a personal boundary. Also, They are doing it for self-serving reasons. And another video I listened to said that the advice giver is often projecting their own experiences as they give advice. Of course they would almost have to be because that’s the only place we come from – that is, from our own life experiences. Oh yeah, and another guy says it often comes off as arrogant…to give unsolicited advice. And I believe your(?) video said that the advice giver is acting as if they know what’s better for us than we do ourselves. It comes from a sort-of godlike (narcissistic) viewpoint.

  • This women is annoying and stupid as fuck. Talking about nonsense and crap, can someone replace her with someone more smarter and yet educated person please.

  • there is a lady at my church that does this she doesnt seem to think i read the bible right or enough she doesn’t think im spiritually mature i refuse to do it her way and to her it seems to mean i refuse to do it at all ive went off on her at least 2 times she just cant seem to help herself

  • I loved that you included your hubby in this video. Nice to hear his side as well.:) Love the video-I didn’t bail on you guys my video will be up later. lol Yay for collabs. Great working with you guys. ♥

  • I’ve been given so many unsolicited basic level advise lately, that I feel like people around me think I’m so stupid and incapable to come up with such basic things. I feel like nobody thinks I can think for myself and come up with solutions on my own. Makes me feel like shit and a complete waste of space.

  • Every word of this is absolutely spot on, and so important. A lot of folk have a lot of unlearning of ‘fix it’ impulses to do, and a lot of reflection on what ‘helpful’ actually looks like for the person they want to help. Thank you for bringing this to the fore.

  • No I’m not offended at what you’ve said because what you’ve said about it being selfish is right because it is selfish, disrespectful, and yes it really do violate all boundaries and in all kinds of many different ways to including invading ones own personal space too, like their own personal decisions and their own personal life space too, including lifestyles as well too.

  • I need to make a video about this too. Whenever I set boundaries against unsolicited advice, people ALWAYS lean on the response, “Um wow I’m just trying to help” as if it absolves them of giving thoughtless and potentially hurtful advice.

  • took the words from my mouth its very presumptuous and belittling when people tell a person what actions they would do when its not their life and its not their problem

  • SAY: thank you for your advice, but i have it under control��If i need your vishon i will happily ask you. Is there any situation you need advice for….??? ����

  • Lol I friggin hate that, they’re worse than those Instagram life coaches/motivators posting quotes everyday as if they have life figured out.

  • Hey im from #rwoyt u had given me.advice and a link to check out your video it was real good. Thanks for the advice you and your husband shared on the video.

  • I hate unsolicited advice. I definitely feel belittled when people give it to me, like I’m incapable of figuring things out myself.

  • The same way to deal with your videos: laughing at them and showing children what they may become if they don’t have good grades in school!!!

  • Great video, you are 100% right, this is definitely food for thought. It was also very brave of you to address. Well done, it needed to be said xx

  • Excellent! I looked up unsolicited feedback and found your point of view, because HECK YA, it’s annoying when we live in an information age culture that is constantly giving us feedback whether we want it or not (thus distracting us and causing us to question our actions as you so eloquently described). The number one block to my creativity is distraction. As I try to shift myself from a consumer to a producer that is giving back to the world, I have come to understand that I need to mindfully curate the information I consume so it doesn’t distract my ability to produce. Here’s the problem I have with unsolicited feedback, particularly from someone that is a stranger to me that I’m meeting for the first time: I often feel that the feedback is poorly considered and communicated, full of assumptions about my lack. As you described through your analysis, 9 times out of 10, unsolicited feedback is poor advice. The person giving the feedback clearly hasn’t taken the time to “seek first to understand” you and to consider the situation as a whole. Therefore most times the feedback is terrible and doesn’t apply to my situation, and only serves to distract me. I really applaud you for acknowledging that people who offer unsolicited feedback are doing it out of the goodness of their heart, just trying to help, but the fact is often it doesn’t help, wastes your time and throws you off your game. I also believe in many cases, due to the lack of skillful listening, inquiry and communication, the person is actually giving the advice to benefit themselves, because they can point out a deficiency in you and feel better about their superiority. Or to manipulate or covertly control you somehow, in a bullying way. Culturally, I feel that many when first relating with me will try to establish a power hierarchy over me by giving this unsolicited advice. In a way, it seems they are trying to establish themselves into a “teacher” or “mentor” role that I didn’t initiate. This really isn’t good for our creativity because most of us already know what qualities we look for in a muse or mentor, and we really need to mindfully curate who the mentors are that we reasonate with…. I’m really glad you dove into this topic in this way… It’s allowing me to dive deeper on my defensive “boundary setting” against unsolicited, unconsidered and unskillful feedback. Most times it’s simply not helpful and a waste of our time…. Culturally, many people seem empowered to be “experts” on me and the choices I make. But for me, the best mentors are those that have established themselves in some way in which we have developed a rapport and mutual respect…not just some random comment on the internet. Clearly, I have subscribed, and thanks for not asking me to.

  • I think you’re really brave to tackle this subject for all the reasons you said at the start but I’m so glad you did because this is a huge issue, especially with mental illness & chronic illness. I think you explained really well and I hope it does help some people to do better next time.
    I know I used to, and still do sometimes, find myself saying “have you tried…” and such when nobody asked but I feel more conscious of it now after learning some DBT skills and about the power of validation. Now I try to just do, like you say people do in the Facebook group, just sort of commiserate, just say “wow, that’s really sh*t” and hold space for that person. It also made me realise that that is actually what has helped me the most from others too because it removed the pressure to fake it and removed some of the guilt about not being better already, or not being ‘fun’ or whatever.

    tl;dr absolutely great video, thank you for putting this out there in such a clear way.

  • Omg! Katey, you are amazing and I really love this video ����⭐️ sending you lots of brighter february hugs from southern Sweden ��

  • Hey Dave! I help creative business owners learn how to use the tools to grow their audience online and this video cracked me up! I started pushing though my own fears of getting on camera for youtube / courses / humanizing my brand / blah blah blah a few months ago and yeah it’s crazy what some people will say. So the most random feedback I have received was from jackos includes.. “Did you brush your hair?” and my favorite, “You need to be more professional on video if I’m going to buy from you.” Sooo one helpful tip for staying confident that helps me a lot is to think of ONE person. One person that needs to hear what I’m writing / talking about. It really calms my nerves. Definitely going to share this with those people next time!

  • so Im at the gym the other day and some big guy (tattoos) using the machine in front of me tries to tell me how to adjust the height of the shoulder machine I was on in the middle of my set. Completely unsolicited. Guy did not impress me with his physique in the first place. I noticed him staring at me earlier so my antenna was up. I jumped off the machine walked over to him and in an agitated voice with direct eye contact told him “if I needed your advice I would have asked for it. I don’t know you..tough guy.” Then I walked away. He uttered something about having a torn muscle or something so my reaction definitely woke him up which was my goal. I should have been less confrontational, but I’m working out, the adrenaline is pumping and the last thing I need is some intimidating stranger at the gym giving me advice. He could have been trying to bully me, ultimately and I wasn’t having it.

  • So many times when people give advice, they make so many assumptions that your situation is similar to theirs. Like I was talking about trying to change my son’s diet to gluten free and it was super annoying when people said “you should be able to do it without increasing your food budget if you just do x,y and z.” And its like YOU DON’T KNOW MY FOOD BUDGET. I literally depend on ramen noodles a certain percentage of the time and I’m pretty sure that a) they have gluten and b) any thing that I replace ramen noodles with is going to cost more and not to mention c) my kid isn’t gonna eat some strange healthier food that’s better for him so its a little more complex than replacing my foods with your favorite low cost gluten-free options. and then you are supposed to thank people for their unhelpful advice and assumptions. I offended somebody because I bluntly said that I had to laugh at the idea that it wouldn’t affect my budget and someone took me to task or laughing at people who were going out of their way to be helpful. (Without enough information to actually BE HELPFUL). Ahhh the internet. (And r/l too) where we are supposed to be grateful when someone gives us something we didn’t ask for, don’t want and isn’t useful. (And kind of unintentionally rubs our face in their privilege…)

  • I hope I haven’t done this. But I probably have. So thanks for the reminder.

    (And this is not a plea to be reassured that I haven’t because I’m sure if I didn’t do it to you I did it to someone else. I’m a bit of a know-it-all…)

  • I am extremely impressed at how well you articulated this and could not agree more. Setting healthy boundaries in a compassionate, but firm, way is a tricky balancing act for sure. Kudos and thank you for putting this out there.

  • So well and eloquently put I saw something on Facebook today that kinda enraged me someone being “mom police” on one of my friends. I didn’t say any thing (don’t start none, won’t be none!) but I want to go back and put this on her feed… instead, I’ll put it on my wall and my twitter. Thank you so much. i hope you are doing better, and I’ve been enjoying your content. I am very very new to Tarot, though I’ve had a fascination with it since i learned about it in my 20’s, but I kinda took this up for book research for something I want to write. I enjoy your videos, and of course, seeing all the pretty cards.

  • You tackled a sticky subject really well, very clearly. Kudos to you for being able to express yourself and state the issue so directly and unambiguously.

  • “the hell is paved with good intentions.” i love how eloquent and daring you are, i should take example on you. very interesting video, i’m afraid i tend to sprinkle a lot of unsolicited advice all over internet i will most definitely quit this bad habit. a new resolution for 2019. thanks, babe, you rock!

  • Absolutely great video ������������������������… I wish more ppl watch that…Katey. I hate advice… and i also think is just bs…waist of time. You have my full support on that….�� Like always you deliver very important information… in classy way ❤️

  • Yeaaah, thank you for being so honest about this. It makes being honest and opening up SO hard, knowing that someone will probably give very upsetting advice. Especially when it comes to chronic illness, mental health or chronic pains, it is an absolute nightmare to listen to people and nod kindly at their very basic and uninformed advice. �� I try not to take it too hard, but it can definitely be annoying even more so because it’s almost a taboo to set that boundary of not wanting advice. I respect you for doing this!

  • I love this, thank you. I love that you want to help me, and you are doing it from a personal place, but please do not provide unsolicited help.

  • So great to see you posting again my dear. Perfect video for this day and age, unfortunately there are some that feel the need to step over the line and it all becomes blurred. Most dangerous is also giving “professional advice ” when they are not. We need to take a step back and respect each others space and energy and unless asked for, keep it to yourself and remember to stay in your own lane.
    Many blessings Katey.

  • Yes, at 8:40 Why is it that I really want in doing this… this point so good to reflect on.
    I am learning so much with his video. So good! Thank you!
    Yes, people thinking that I should be grateful. That really rubs me the wrong way. It hurts me because there’s a chance that I might take it the wrong. In fact I find it condescending even if that’s not people’s intention. Thanks for this video.

  • Yes, I agree because I listen to mentors who are where I want to be and I believe it is better than taking unsolicited advice from others who are not going to help me.

    I would smile and vent the personal stress and anxiety in a healthy way when I want to respect someone I care about who is shoving unsolicited advice down my throat.

  • Thanks for uploading when you did,it reminds us all how to talk to an another human being,I m supporting vulnerable adults through difficult situations and it can be so easy to fall into the traps you mention and we all have to step back and reflect on the advice and support we give out and ask ourselves why are we giving this advice; is it a reflection on our own life,are we feeding our own ego.Your feedback is also a helpful reminder how to treat personal friends,wait to be asked for advice just don’t give out unsolicitedthanks again a very thoughtful articulate feedback. ����

  • Great video! True people should not give advice when it comes to any physical or emotional illness. Unfortunately, it happens. I’m sure these people didn’t directly mean any harm. You gave good advice for future incidents. Some will understand and some others will be just offended and that’s the way it is.
    Does this mean you are back making your videos ❤️

  • I had a friend who gave unsolicited advise to everyone all the time. Trouble was he gave the worst advise of anyone. If I’d been a good friend I would have advised him to shut the fluke up.
    I don’t give advice. I give examples of things I’ve seen that applies to the situation at hand and what the result was. Then they can use the info or not.

  • I guess some people only expect advice when they ask for it? ��.. It’s kind of childish to strictly process advice emotionally.. if someone’s genuine advice touches a soft spot for u then u probably need it. Idk be polite? Try to take it for what it’s worth, use it, or don’t, or just correct the person if they’re missing the point. Sometimes people think ur problems are bigger than they are and so they feel compelled to speak on them. It’s not all that hard to tell when someone is playing with you and not being genuine. In those cases sarcasm can help you find common ground ��

  • Great job Tiffany! You demeanor is so professional and reassuring! I agree that the parents just have to trust their instincts and do what they feel is best for their child. I love that you included your husband in the video! Thank you for collaborating with me! ������

  • Great video on a difficult topic, Katey. It made me stop and think -“do I give advice when not requested or required?” Thanks for being willing to discuss a serious topic in a sensitive way.

  • I have schizophrenia. can a person with schizophrenia make decisions for themselves? I’m afraid to make decisions that don’t make sense and end up hurting myself or hurting other people.

  • Hel yes, Katey! Those of us with chronic health issues and trauma/grief experiences are constantly knocked over the head with often overly-simplistic or ignorant advice that’s more about what the adviser wants for us than what we actually *need*. I’ve had experiences where I was given unsolicited advice that didn’t actually apply to my situation and when I didn’t jump on that advice and wasn’t 100% “fixed”, the advisor got mad at me as if that meant that I wasn’t wanting to “help myself”. SMH. Thanks for this vid you’re really awesome to keep posting about these topics.

  • So well said Katey & good on you for standing up for yourself… I think this video sets a good precedent and hopefully it will help other people too. MUCH LOVE KATEY ��

  • Thank you for clarifying, and beautifully articulating this Katey I’m sure I’ve been guilty of this at times, and I know for sure this is something I feel really uncomfortable with when it’s happened to me (which is a big reason why I just dont open up to most people). Valuable food for thought, thank you ����

  • Often times when I talk to someone about something that is bugging me is because I want someone to talk to and have them take my side. I feel like if someone is giving advice they are saying that I’m in a bad situation because it’s entirely my fault. Majority of the time I know deep down what I should and shouldn’t do to fix my problem, but when that person (esp family) gives me advice it makes me feel like what I am doing is not enough and that I must do what they are suggesting in order to succeed. I honestly just want someone who will say that everything will be alright and mention something I am doing that is powerful and not make me feel so worthless. One time I told my sister the problems in my home when I used to work the house wasn’t clean and meals weren’t cooked and we wasted money on fast food and ran out of money very quickly by the next pay period. So I quit my job and began saving a bunch of money and for about 5 months we were doing just fine until my husband lost his job. We’ve been struggling ever since and often times through this struggle I’m confiding in my sister who was my best friend before I got married. She often tells me that I should work and I usually just nod and walk away because it’s hard to listen to when all I needed was comfort and some confidence and just someone to talk to. One time I got upset and said that “you won’t understand until you go through this”. And she responded with “You don’t even have one dollar to spare!” That made me turn around and walk away. Throughout living in a rental home where the maintenance people wouldn’t come to work on the property and with the stress about a lack of money that we always have lingering in the back of our minds, we neglected some of our outdoor lawn care and halted some projects and as a result our yard looked pretty unkempt for a couple of weeks. Our evil neighbor has nothing else to do so she called the city and had them set a notice on our door to clean the yard. So naturally I was upset and stressed and after cleaning it i went to confide in my mother about how i was feeling. She didn’t seem to care much, but later on she was upset at me and was telling me to apply for low income housing. I told her i wanted a farm with land. I don’t want to live in some crime haven where nothing and no one is safe, but she began to torment me about how I can’t even keep my yard clean that how would I be able to have a farm. Telling me I’m useless and that I got an education for nothing. My brother is the same. I sometimes complain to him just to talk and he basically tells me that I’m upset for attention seeking. I never want to hear anotherpiece of advice from anyone ever again. Right as I fell into hard times I began to get snarky comments from my family and my husbands mother. It’s as though no one is there to comfort me anymore. My husband does his best, but he works so much that often I’m alone and upset and the stress skyrockets. Also, dont give me advice in retureturn on. I dont need it.

  • I share this as another example of someone saying why offering help, DOESN’T help. How Simply Acknowledging Another Person’s Pain Can Help Them More Than Just Telling Them to Cheer Up; Megan Devine has a video that talks about this too https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE

  • My thoughts on John/Hannah and why there’s only one “man” left standing: Tension was high between him and Hannah Cranston on the show a few months ago. They couldn’t really agree on anything, and it got visibly awkward at times in quite a few videos. I’m assuming they decided it was better that one of them made way for the other for the good of the show.

    Hannah is a complete waste, though. She’s hijacked this channel with her one-dimensional personal agenda and the channel views have taken a serious, irreversible hit. Can barely muster 10k per video these days. The likes to dislikes ratio is an absolute disgrace for ANY channel, but she’d just blame that on “trolls”. She doesn’t strike me as the type of person who will ever realize that the problem lies with her.

  • I came here from your delusional video but comments was turned off so I just want to say THANK YOU ��. The first cupla minutes of the delusion video so unbelievably accurate u now have me as a subscriber Thank you for spreading awareness and truth

  • Thank you for this Katey. You are a great example of how to set boundaries for yourself, something so many of us still need help with.

  • Don’t tell anyone anything about yourself problem solved. Even better never go outside. People are going to give you advice whether you like it or not. Deal with it

  • This is one of the best videos that I have watched for a while. Spot on! It’s also been very helpful to me as someone who blogs about climate change, politics, social challenges etc….made an interesting start to my day! Your persona is also so calm, authentic and sincere. Thank You

  • Great video, Katey! Unsolicited advice is the worst and people don’t realise the harm they cause when they force their opinions in the guise of “advice”. The internet forgets that people have boundaries and that no, people are NOT entitled to every single aspect of another’s lives just because they got to know someone on the internet.

  • Really really great important video! So cool when you see these things being said. Well balanced and healthy attitude. Thanks for making it and posting!

  • Thank you for being someone who is always willing to start those difficult discussions. There was nothing you said here that I don’t 100% agree with, and I say that as someone who has had to really unpack my own issues around basically forcing advice on friends when it has been unsolicited.

  • you know i gotcha:) and you are absolutely right. if you ever decide to have kids this is somethign that will make you crazy as well i get it and many moms do all the time and its fing annoying

  • you know what? unsolicited advice are most came from narcissist, i’ve happen to meet a few. One of them were my best friend, i cut them off. Don’t let those parasite take advantage of you, not a chance.

  • I was part of that live chat. YES! This is an important topic to discuss. I remember when I had my first child, I started a scribbler out of frustration. On the first page I wrote the title for the intended contents of that book which was: “This is where unsolicited advice comes to die”. Giggle. It’s easy to giggle about it now but while ppl were bombarding me with unsolicited advice about what to do with a new born baby. Ugh! It felt like, as a mother I was being undermined instead of being allowed to make mistakes. Making mistakes, and lots of them, is ok. Ppl want to help and fix but it is “presumptuous”, as you say, to think that the recipient even wants or needs it. At least wait until asked for advice. Listening, just listening, is always best when in doubt.

  • I just like you. I’m certain ALL your subscribers do, too. The content doesn’t really matter, to me. I just like to hear your thoughts. The style of your videos makes you/your channel endearing.

    Your book was good. It depressed the eff out of me, but the story was so cogent and applicable. I suppose truth isn’t always a happy-giddy process.

    You KNOW what Burr would say about unsolicited advice…….. ❤️✌����

  • It’s very annoying to receive this unsolicited advice because it’s often extremely obvious. If the topic is social anxiety then the advice is “You don’t need to feel that way” or if it’s about my IC then the advice is “Drink some water”. Today I couldn’t find a place and someone suggested I try Google maps like it’s a brand new invention. I’ve even had advice on how to use MY microwave. Do these people really think they’re being helpful?

  • I laughed when you added the breaksactually I stop watching a video when the video has too many breaks in it. It’s annoying and really not necessary.

  • I came across this video as I was looking for something else, and I watched it to the very end because I absolutely agree and very much appreciate you taking the time to say it in this way. Thank you, and I wish you well. ❤️

  • At least 99.9% of the population is unqualified to give me advice, so a swift shut down is my go-to method for dealing with unsolicited advice.

  • … So much hate in the in the comments. I thought it was because of them crossing pewdie pie. Then I thought it was because John stopped showing up. I know think it’s because everyone hates Hannah. I watch like 90 percent of her/this channel’s content regardless of my personal feelings towards Hannah. You have to admit, and respect how she is able to continue to do what I think she loves to do regardless of the hate infestation in the comment section. I am willing to bet the majority of you including myself would’ve bailed on this channel by now due to its current state. If Hannah was truely as awful as everyone makes her out to be, im sure she wouldn’t have as many co host show up and support her on her channel. Unless they are all terrible too. I noticed how the comments never get disabled. And I have also noticed that Hannah doesn’t talk over her Co host (all of them, not just 1 or 2) anymore. This channel was briefly like trying to watch aljeezera for a while lol.

    Anyways. It’s the holidays, at least for most. Put the hate aside for a few days sheesh.

  • Will be sharing this with our web design clients as part of our site launch process!! Other people’s opinions can quickly turn a good client into a bad one.

  • Hey Dave! I help creative business owners learn how to use the tools to grow their audience online and this video cracked me up! I started pushing though my own fears of getting on camera for youtube / courses / humanizing my brand / blah blah blah a few months ago and yeah it’s crazy what some people will say. So the most random feedback I have received was from jackos includes.. “Did you brush your hair?” and my favorite, “You need to be more professional on video if I’m going to buy from you.” Sooo one helpful tip for staying confident that helps me a lot is to think of ONE person. One person that needs to hear what I’m writing / talking about. It really calms my nerves. Definitely going to share this with those people next time!

  • “Hear, hear!” And, I hear ya, everything-different from friends’ & professional advice; online vs “real,” etc-BUT some of us who receive very few comments (let alone any subscribers) might love to have this “problem,” whew…

  • Unsolicited Feedback: Always wear a pineapple shirt. Do it. It will increase your sales to multiple multiple multiple 7 figures. 😉

  • I bet the 19 likes are feminist people who believe in this crap. Their idea are dumb and stupid, especially coming out of this dumb blonde mouth

  • I love how you guys did your video!! Cool to have a male perspective too. I love how we all have been through some of the same things regarding this topic! I enjoyed this collab with you ladies!

  • Love it. I glade you put your husband in it, it shows that dad’s also have to deal with unwanted parenting advice just as much as moms. Thanks for doing the collaboration with me and the ladies xoxoxoxoxo

  • Shut your mouths and listen more and you might just learn stuff…. hamblabbing like some egocentric special snowflake you will not learn a damn thing…

  • Great advice! Although my daughters are grown now, I can relate. Thanks for sharing this! I’m sure many parents will find this helpful.

  • Oh how we love those unsolicited advice..lol..Like you said…you know your child…so i act accordingly.. I say ok and thank you for the advice and move on…Great advice…but there are times when I want to tell someone hey…the baby is in the wrong car seat for their age… how should i go about that? I just want to make sure the baby is safe..

  • Yes to all of this! Intention and impact are two very different things. People get so upset if you don’t immediately validate their intent regardless of the impact it has on you. Preach! Love and hugs to you, Katey!! ������������

  • Well I jumped the gun a little huh? lol! I get advice all the time especially dealing with breastfeeding. Well not really advice now. It is more criticism and shaming. ‘She is too old for that!’ smh All I do is ignore it and go on about my day. So frustrating though:/