Why Yelling at the Kids Can Nonetheless Be Dangerous

 

Is it ok to yell at your kids?

Video taken from the channel: Smarter Parenting


 

The Effects of Yelling at Your Teen

Video taken from the channel: ABC News


 

5 Psychological Effects of Yelling at Kids

Video taken from the channel: Live On Purpose TV


 

How Yelling at Kids Could Harm Them

Video taken from the channel: The Doctors


 

The Truth About Yelling At Kids Gordon Neufeld, PhD

Video taken from the channel: Kids In The House


 

Don’t scream around children

Video taken from the channel: Louis Rossmann


 

Is Screaming at Your Kids a Form of Abuse?

Video taken from the channel: Fatherly


Not only is yelling harmful to kids, but it also isn’t an effective discipline strategy. Here are some of the reasons why you may want to think twice before raising your voice: Yelling makes behavior problems worse. Yelling creates a perpetuating cycle – the more parents yell, the worse kids behave, which in turn leads to more yelling.

New research suggests that yelling at kids can be just as harmful as hitting them; in the two-year study, effects from harsh physical and verbal discipline were found to be frighteningly similar. In fact, yelling can damage your child’s self-esteem, children may become more aggressive and suffer depression and anxiety. That’s not what you want for your children. I hope. Yelling combined with insults, cursing, humiliation, and criticism is actually verbal abuse that can cause lifelong damage. Yelling leads to depression or anxiety in kids.

Kids are naughty by nature and tend to do a lot of things that frustrate the parents. So yelling at a toddler makes them hurt and scared of their parents. This leads to depression or anxiety.

4. The startling truth is that yelling at kids can cause more damage than they think. Discipline is a long-drawn, frustrating process. Sadly, kids seldom grow when adults are always yelling at them; it has the opposite effect.

We explain why, and what you can do to manage the overwhelm instead of shouting. Yes, yelling can be used as a weapon, and a dangerous one at that. Research shows that verbal abuse can, in extreme situations, be as psychologically damaging as physical abuse. But yelling can.

If yelling at children is not a good thing, yelling that comes with verbal putdowns and insults can be qualified as emotional abuse. It’s. Yelling harms trust, shuts down communication, and gradually reduces the power of parental influence; after all, your child must want to be led by you for your guidance to be effective. Avoid negative projections. Shouting makes kids feel that they do not have the love and support of important people in their lives.

Wang and his co-author, Sarah Kenny, found that harsh verbal discipline is often linked with increased conduct or behavior problems, increased levels of aggression, and interpersonal problems in children. You’ve probably heard that yelling at your kids can change how their brains develop (not in a good way) but the realities of raising little people make raised voices somewhat inevitable. You don’t want to damage your kid, but you also want them to know just how unhappy you are that one of their rogue Legos is embedded in your foot.

List of related literature:

In contrast, yelling, namecalling, or abusive language can scar your children for life.

“Bulletproof Marriage: A 90-Day Devotional” by Adam Davis, Lt. Col. David Grossman
from Bulletproof Marriage: A 90-Day Devotional
by Adam Davis, Lt. Col. David Grossman
BroadStreet Publishing, 2019

Of course, parental yelling can work.More noiselets out more frustration and anger.

“Surviving Your Child's Adolescence: How to Understand, and Even Enjoy, the Rocky Road to Independence” by Carl Pickhardt
from Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence: How to Understand, and Even Enjoy, the Rocky Road to Independence
by Carl Pickhardt
Wiley, 2013

Far too few parents recognize that uninhibited yelling teaches a child how to yell without inhibition and to ignore signals of anger.

“Between Pets and People: The Importance of Animal Companionship” by Alan M. Beck, Aaron Honori Katcher
from Between Pets and People: The Importance of Animal Companionship
by Alan M. Beck, Aaron Honori Katcher
Purdue University Press, 1996

Certainly, shouting can cause kids’ emotional distress, but what we shout also is harmful.

“UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World” by Michele Borba
from UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World
by Michele Borba
Touchstone, 2017

While hitting your kids may stop their current bad behavior, the longterm psychological and behavioral negative effects can far outweigh the temporary benefits.

“Logically Fallacious: The Ultimate Collection of Over 300 Logical Fallacies (Academic Edition)” by Bo Bennett
from Logically Fallacious: The Ultimate Collection of Over 300 Logical Fallacies (Academic Edition)
by Bo Bennett
Ebookit.com, 2012

If children are in the house and they haven’t been taught what happens with healthy anger, have your conversation where they can’t hear you.

“Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day” by Anne Katherine
from Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day
by Anne Katherine
Touchstone, 2000

It doesn’t help to yell at your child, threaten punishment, plead for calm, or try too hard to “make everything better.”

“Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care: 9th Edition” by Benjamin Spock, Robert Needlman
from Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care: 9th Edition
by Benjamin Spock, Robert Needlman
Pocket Books, 2011

In addition, something important to consider is that the stress of exposure to frequent yelling alone may be as detrimental to a child’s health as physical punishment.16 For a child, the stress of a prolonged separation from a parent puts that child at risk of diseases years later as an adult.

“The Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier with the Groundbreaking Science of Kindness” by Kelli Harding
from The Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier with the Groundbreaking Science of Kindness
by Kelli Harding
Atria Books, 2019

Many of these researchers have determined that it is more helpful to look at overall parenting styles than individual behaviors such as yelling as a form of discipline or playing games with their children.

“Encyclopedia of Counseling” by Frederick T. Leong
from Encyclopedia of Counseling
by Frederick T. Leong
SAGE Publications, 2008

Murray Straus and Carolyn Field (2003) argued that most parents in the United States engage in at least one form of psychological aggression: yelling in anger.

“Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective” by George W. Holden
from Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective
by George W. Holden
SAGE Publications, 2014

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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207 comments

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  • My own mother was a very frustrated and abusive woman, always hitting me and yelling/cursing at me. I grew up in fear of her, wetting my bed every night for a number of years while in grade school. To this day I’ve not been able to get over the nightmares I had suffered at my mother’s hands. My older sister has turned out to be just like our mother, screaming and yelling at her own children constantly like a lunatic. Her behavior has resulted in her middle son Charles running off at the tender age of 12 years old and getting mixed up with the wrong crowd. Drugs and alcohol have caused him permanent brain damage. He’ll never be able to function like a normal healthy human being, thanks to his own mother’s tender care!!

  • They yell and you can’t even explain cause to them your a dumb and brainless child who knows nothing and that your explanation is crap and not the truth

  • I’ve gotten upset at people who yell at me, whether it’s my parents, teachers, etc. because I’m emotionally frail due to my autism. Yelling only makes the situation worse.

  • You know, I keep going back here because of the time that my parents yelling at my brother very often. But i feel very harmed also and very emotional sometimes because I can’t stand looking at my brother’s burden. I know that my parents, In their eyes, its disciplined but, in my mind, that is very harshed to understand that situation. When my brother gets yelled at, I feel kinda hurt deep inside, but I’m hiding my emotions to my parents because I don’t want them to be alarmed of my feelings too.

  • My parents use to yell and swear and now I’ve grown up to think that was propper it messes people up and teaches them bad examples

  • My dad: Okay so translate this for me in Arabic ( Insert example sentence )

    Me: *Tries best to translate but just can’t remember the words or messes up the order in which words should be.

    My dad: I see, so you have chosen death! starts the yelling

    Me: cries

    My dad: WHY ARE YOU CRYING. WHAT DID I DO? WHENEVER I AM TEACHING YOU CRY AND MAKE ME THE BAD GUY HERE bla bla bla

    Then if my mom tries to support me bam! She’s also yelled at on spot.

    -Written by an 11 year old:P

  • Thx step dad now I have to take Zoloft anti depressant anxiety pills ruck u I’m taking my life den get yelled at one time my step dad yelled at me cause I axidwntly broke a bowl and he said I better clean every little piece or else I’ll get cut and I said well I wanna get. Cut and he hit me he also yells at my baby sister

  • I’m one of those dads that don’t spank but occasionally yell at my 8 year old son…. I don’t recall me yelling at my older daughter as much. I know I am probably justifying it but I only start yelling when he hasn’t listened to the first 2 or 3 times I asked him to stop or do something. I grew up with a saying, “I can handle a naughty child but note a rude child”. so I have a fear that my kids won’t have good manners and will be seen as rude kids. But yeah….still working on not getting frustrated and to yell less to a point where I don’t anymore. Wish me the best

  • When my dad yells at me I stand there and take it because I feel like if I talk back to him it will get worse. My dads anger issues scare me to the point I cry. Whenever someone else yells at me I don’t cry, but when it comes to my dad yes. My dad always tells me “You gotta stop crying all the time”. I can’t help it if his anger issues scares me. Whenever He yells at me I fear that he will smack me one day, he has not done it before but I fear he will

  • Common behaviors from behavior create and mold brains. My dad never apologized for anything and was often explosive but never physical abusive, just ruined your mood. I had several problems I had to cognitively detect and then go on reprogram my brain by removing myself from the comfort zone. Don’t do it when it’s too late.

  • All I heard was “verbal abuse is okay if you’re being ignored”.
    I’m not snapping at my kids, end of story. There are BETTER (yeah, I said better) ways to get kids to listen. LEARN THEM.

  • Can you please do a video about how to persuade your strict father to let you study in another country and live there. Please ������������

  • Doc, kids have the power to bring out what we have inside us. The best way is to use this as an opportunity for inner growth. They will give us plenty of opportunity to develop patience. Will post this at our blog selfhelpchampion under Parenting. ❤️��

  • I live with my kids in my parents’ house, and often times I yell at them because my parents cannot tolerate my kids being normal children and have very strict rules that the kids must obey. How can I create a loving environment in a house where doing anything is frowned upon? (Such as jumping on the sofa, throwing pillows on the floor or just opening the fridge)

  • Is screaming at your kids a form of abuse? Yes it is. It’s called emotional abuse. My mom would scream at me for not meeting certain demands and expectations she put on me growing up and I have anxiety and depression because of it.

  • I appreciate that you did this video now I have a better understanding of my baby cousins and nephews/nieces and maybe my future family

  • As someone whose family does nothing but yell and grew up surrounded by chaos anger and screaming matches and is now a depressed anxious neurotic mess. YES.IT.IS

  • My mom yells at me daily. I really need help. Does anyone know how I could get her to stop yelling because I can’t take it anymore

  • My mom yelled at me for “losing” my mask and kept blaming me for it but then i found it like 3 hours later and it had fallen off the rack where my MOM put it.. and when i was like 10 she told me i was gonna fail 5th grade and all my friends are gonna laugh at me just bc i wasnt paying attention to her. She threw my folder and book at my face and made me go upstairs and i stayed there all night without dinner. She didnt even apologize the day after, she acted like nothing happened. I still think about it to this day and its scary. She also beat me with a belt like twice when i was under 11

  • My parents sometimes yell at me for not doing my homework. I had 2 days off, because I was stressed. I got yelled at and I started crying. I tried to hold it in, because we were in the same room, so I started doing my homework and I felt so unfomfortable.

  • So this is what causes me not being able to Express myself. This is what caused me to get angry,(squeeze my hands so hard blood might come out, slam my door and yell back at them.this also caused me to not talk alot at home. When they ask me how my day was, *no answer from me*. This causes way more than I thought it did. And now I know it.

  • So what do we do when timeout, telling them nicely, or unrewarding them doesn’t work and they still don’t listen or obey parents? Any help please?

  • Jesus christ. My parents (my dad mostly) does this. If parents followed this fucking ideology cps and foster homes wouldn’t be populated as much. Bruh if i’ve said this once i’ve said it a billion times, there should be a test, written exam, and training course on raising children. If and only IF you pass you are allowed to have children.

  • I never like talking with parents.. They always shouts on me on my little mistakes….. I am a teenager and i know that at this age children’s mind becomes the way the are treated but my parents didn’t get it….. ��

  • I needed to hear this
    Literally broke down when you said I was doing a good job. It’s so hard and all my kids are completely different. I reached out to your email and I’m trying to make up courage to talk about it with my fiance since the pandemic is taking a toll on our wallets.:/ these videos are incredibly appreciated

  • My dad yells at me when I’m in a upset state.
    The most recent happened today.
    I was looking for my quilt and I couldn’t find it. Also, this quilt was VERY special to me, it was made by my great great grandma that passed away 4 months ago and that’s the only thing I have to remember her.
    I asked my dad to help because I started getting anxious.
    Soon, I have up and sat on my bed. My dad was looking for it in my room and started yelling at me for no reason saying that it’s my fault.
    Sometimes parents just need to learn how to take care of their sad 9 year old child that just finished 4th grade and only has 2 friends and they are both out of reach.

  • It saddens me so much reading the comments on this video. No child deserves to be yelled at. We have a generations of parents passing down the legacies that were done to them. Its time to stop the cycle and support parents to parent better.

  • For you adults living with your yelling parents I would wanna sign your parents to psychology. They need to fix they’re minds and stop yelling and that has to change.

  • my mum shouts at me all the time and tells me im worthless, I used to have a friend at my old school, we did everything together, we could tell each other anything, and then the one day the new girl came to school, my best friend left me for the new girl who would always bully me. I had no friends.my mum took me to a psychologist, but she is the cause of everything. she’s the reason why im insecure. its also difficult when your new friends you thought were good people would tell you you were ugly or body shame you, or when haters on social media would write “cunt” in big letters all over your posts. nobody knows about this except you. love you so much stay safe ❤️

  • Kids are soft now a days so are the parents I’ve been yelled at whenever I screw up and I tend to turn out ok grew up with it it’s normal nothing wrong with screaming at your child to have them listen to you

  • Yelling gets nothing across to your child and parents seem not to know. It just gets the child mad or scared bc of the parent. the best way from a teenagers point of view is actually talking and having communication, you get ur point across and nobody is mad

  • I got yelled at for losing 20$ my mom gave me.

    I was sleeping when my nanny and my cousin were leaving.

    my cousin took the 20$ and spent it.

    i got yelled at for something i didn’t know about.

  • Oh well good thing I don’t spend much time with my father. He commonly yells at me when we disagree. I don’t want to spend time with him. I tried to avoid talking to him and he got mad at me. Once he got in my face and threatened to smash my iPad with a hammer. I’m honestly scared of him.

  • My mom is yelling at me right now for wearing head phones and it seems annoying to her for the past 3 years I’ve been to therapy and I think I wanna go back

  • This is true. That’s what always happen to me. My parents aren’t really people who would listen first before yelling. So I never wanted to voice my issues. I had a classmate who’s a stalker. He always tries to take pictures of me when he knew I wasn’t looking, he’d suddenly lock the classroom door when there’s only two of us then tells me he wants to talk then doesn’t say anything (happens whenever the class is dismissed. He’d suddenly block me on my way home, etc,) i tried talking to my teachers and they did nothing. My parents knew it too and they did nothing. I got so fed up with it i snapped one day and broke his arms.

    Somehow after that I never asked anyone for help. Coz I knew nobody is there to help me.

  • I agree with yelling. Damn fucking kids need to learn respect these days. We live in a freaking snowflake generation and I don’t agree with that whole “Listen to their feelings” bullcrap! And parents should NEVER apologize to their kids by the way because that’s a sign of weakness!

  • My mums continuously Shouted and screamed at me from a very young ageto the point now, no matter what she does, if she even speaks to me in an annoyed tone I will scream at her. I just get so angry and she has always put me down as well. I’m just constantly filled with anger and sadnessnot to mention our family’s broken into 1million pieces, while I’m only 12 and both of my siblings are gonna move out very soon, my older brother already has, and I’ll be alone, but it doesn’t matter tbh because it’s not like we talk anyway.

  • I guess bad parents haven’t had own bad parents. I want kids only because I want to show myself that i can be better than my parents.

  • I got yelled at so often that when I got my car, I drove off to a hotel parking lot and stayed there for the night and I didn’t want to ever go back but they called the police to find me

  • I love advice from a guy in his 20’s who never had a child of his own, and the comments about their fucked up childhood to support all of this parental advice video. How about your drinking problem? Let’s analyze you, fix your deficiencies, and then we can go on a rant about some random couple that were yelling for no reason at all in your mind.

  • Don’t yell at your children. They never asked to be born… and have no choice but to be around you. If you can’t handle having children, don’t have them. Live within your means… don’t yell at kids in public. Be a roll model to your children. Their minds aren’t fully formed, and anything they do “wrong” is a result of your parenting.. provide a healthy example.

  • The sad part is, me as a kid, no one listens to you. I have no choice. They say this is “bull crap” they say they will do this on your kids, trust me, it will hurt your child in the long run, just as I am being treated, in the future, a small scream or a little frustration can get your child into a panic attack. Don’t do corporal punishment. Don’t yell. Stop.

  • The group of parents just laughed at how they all raised hands when they yelled at their child. It actually breaks my heart if my parents did that.

  • Whoever suffers From any abuse I wish you good luck. No one has to suffer like that. Even if you don’t feel loved I’m sure everyone loves you. Whoever brings you down you stand up for your self Even if you get bullied You can Stop that. I would get help from anyone. Stop suffering. Get some help.

  • A lot of parents watching this are thinking “this dude’s wrong he doesn’t know shit he isn’t a parent or has kids it’s all bullshit” Lol parents thinking that way are in denial.

  • My mother is always yelling at my sister and it scares me so mich because her room is next to mine (she has no problem with it, she provocates it every day)
    I know I have no right to be scared but I can’t help it. They are just insulting me all the time.

  • thanks Dr. Paul. I learn a lot from your videos… it helps me to be a good parent to my child, I wish every parent in this earth watch your videos. ��

  • This country wasnt forged by nanny toting cry babies!
    It was forged by Hardened men and women who had the will power vested in there upbringing too be tough!
    The panty wasted individuala fell by the way side, we’re buried right where they fell and the pioneering spirited ones moved forward.
    Time out in a corner hasn’t emptied our prisons. ITS FILLED THEM TOO CAPACITY!
    If Reagan hadn’t shut down the sanatariums, you’d be in them instead of spoon feeding these wimps that are Now burning up hard working individuals LIVES!
    YOU MORONIC FOOL! CATCH UP WITH THEE AGE OF YOUR BODY HAIR! And quit the thin skinned B.S!

  • Reading the many posts “the majority from adolescents”clambering on this closet case phyco’s video, here’s a 64 year grand father of 6 grand children and 3 adults view. 2 of my own made it successfully, one is still an adult state correction life time prisoner. He was my time out in the corner child who pretty much grew up in that corner throwing fits feeling picked on for his bad behavior.
    IF; YOUR PARENTS DIDNT WANT YOU, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED OR LEFT ON A CURB SOMEWHERE, PERIOD!
    Abortions are alot cheaper than clothing you let alone feeding you for 18+ years.
    IF; your parents are yelling at you, it’s cause there at there 2nd too the final limit with telling you over and over your doing wrong that either is gonna cost you your valued life by your behavior or you just don’t give a crap who it costs, your gonna do what YOU THINK YOU HAVE AN ADULT RIGHT TOO DO!
    Be it what it is,,, they don’t have too keep or care two cents about you,,, but they must, your still clothed, fed and housed.

  • When you are yelling at your children they see a deformed face. Therefore, you become the monster, and they become afraid. #relationshipstuff101

  • I’m a 15 year old going through struggles very similar to this… My parents always fight and no matter where I go, my family is just so messed up. And hoenstly, despite the fact that I don’t remember the specifics, I remember them subconsciously. It really hurts and it’s a struggle as a teen.

  • My dad always yell at me all the time for everything onelye not my brother it just hurts it makes mad i love him but he the reason I wanne move our

  • I also vividly remember as young as 3. Even if you didn’t, you’d still pick up the tone of the voice and the volume and associate different things with a certain sentiment.

  • I keep getting recommend this and I agree they’re very impressionable. Screaming about whatever Bs is it(most of the time its BS) nobody wants to hear their shit so why should their child? Sure they may not understand what your saying but they do understand that their mom/dad is yelling about something.
    Nice going, they’re probably gonna grow up the same and they’re gonna wonder why.

  • I really want to tell my dad these things. But my dad would explode. Whenever me and my mom bring up anything about him he gets angry and says we are attacking him. So I can’t send this to him.

  • Parents can really underestimate the emotional baggage a child can develop. Seeing my parents argue over the pettiest of things throughout my childhood, I learned at a young age to act out of logic not emotion. However I also became practically emotionless, even more so around my parents. Their drama only got worse during the divorce in which I was coerced into choosing whom to live with. In return, I became depressed nearly to the point of suicide and developed a cynical outlook on relationships/marriage.

  • 2 days ago i commented on one of your videos about yelling on my 3 years old son and being yelled in return, you replied there and now this video..after I realized, I started doing one thing, when ever he’s not listening or thowing tantrum, I try to distract, or turn the situation into funny things and surprisingly, he started listening to me. I really felt sad thinking of “what I was doing till days”… Really apperiacte your effort and I thank YOU and your team and wish all the best. Thank you so much.

  • I still remember when I was first screamed at…
    I was so terrified that I really wanted to run, run away from home run as long as I can but i just stand there being shocked.

    what did I do?
    I forgot to clean the dishes after eating.

    now this is a “good” reason to scream at a sensible kid.

  • I’m 16 years old. I always grew up with my parents screaming at one of my brothers or sister, and I’ve always just kept to myself, as to not worry my parents, and I’ve gone through immense amounts of pain without telling my mother because I legitimately loved her, and didn’t want her to have to spend money on me. Yet somehow whenever they start screaming or when a tazer goes off, I want to crawl into a fetus position and cry myself to sleep. Years of being yelled at and hearing it really takes a toll. And I know some people have told me “You have it really good, you don’t have any reason to be this sad or depressed!” Dude stfu, please. I dont want to hear your crap. My dad having beaten my ass countless times to where my 7 year old butt was as white as paper really takes its toll, and i genuinely cannot stand my household anymore. I just want to leave or live with someone else.

  • I still remember the time when my mom flipped me off when I was very young. I remember my dad telling me that he hated my mom. I very vividly remember most of the arguments they’ve had before they divorced. It’s strange to me how I remember the bad times in my childhood more than the good times.

  • My mom yells at me
    expects me not to cry about it
    when I start crying she thinks she I can just tell me to stop and I’ll stop
    she yells at me even more tell me how I’m such an emotional person
    she compares me to others, telling me why can’t you be like him, or why can’t you think like her, why can you control yourself
    she always tells me how bad I am

    Now Thanks To That,

    I get High anxiety when there’s the slightest but of yelling
    If I’m under pressure by brain shuts off
    If I’m near the person I get compared to I start getting a grudge towards them, and try to avoid them
    I never think I’m good enough
    I have low self esteem
    If someone yells at my uncontrollable tears start running down my face
    Sometimes I feel like I want to lock myself away from this world
    Sometimes when it’s all nice and quiet I still hear my mom yelling at me in my mind
    I feel judged around everyone
    I always apologize of why I do this or do that
    I trip over my words as if I was speaking while crying (you know that stuttery feeling, I guess)
    I can’t stand up for myself
    I’m always dragged around by everyone
    Trying to live up to my mom expectations
    I try not talk to avoid people talking back to me (cause I’m scared they’ll judge how I talk

    But Parents Down Understand Sometimes, The Reason I Cant Be More Like Him Or As Smart As Her
    Is Because I’m NOT Her I’m Myself I Do Things Differently Just Like Everyone
    I Have My UPS and My DOWNS My Rights and my Wrongs I Can’t Do Everything She Wants Me To Do
    Im Sick Of Constantly Being Scared So From Now On I’ll Try And Figure Out A Way To Control My Tears, and Control My Fears
    Usually I’d Feel Uncomfortable Writing even a Public YouTuber comment But Now I Don’t Care If People Judge me On my spelling my grammar and my point of view cause we are all different in our own special way

  • My dad always screams at me even if i dont do anything so bad, like forgoting to do something, it scares me and i strat to fell like he want to hit me sometimes

  • THANK YOU my dad was a severe hot head and treated everyone around him like they owed him or something for his terrible childhood. And now frankly I’m thankful my mom divorced him and i live with her and my step dad now.

  • My parents just don’t understand that when they yell it hurts me those words are still stuck in my head I’m afraid of them and I don’t want to be

  • After reading other people’s comments talking about their childhoods I have new appreciation for my mom sure she occasionally neglects us but she is still nice when she does interact with us which I now appreciate

  • Just what the country needed at times like these,, another time out in the corner arm chair parent advisor while our country’s being torn apart and burned by the last generation of thin skinned sensitivity raised, gun slinging individuals playing adults now.
    You all need too really tough in up or you won’t have a country or a place too squat on.

  • sixteen years old. mom still yells at me. she’s convinced that taking away my computer, my phone, and other privledges will make me behave. I want to say I hate it, I want her to change, I don’t want to give her the benefit of the satisfaction that her idealism is working. but unless I do, I won’t be able to talk to my friends, watch anime, play games, etc. so I’m caught between a rock and a hard place, because no matter what I say to her, I’m always wrong, I spend too much time on my phone, my attitude sucks, and I’m supposed to act happy about it.

  • Humans are social. It is the obligation of all members of our species to use social pressure to curb the behaviour of others. It may not be “polite”, but to not do that leads to genocide (ie Yemen).

  • you know I feel like I can relate to hating everyone for letting shit happen to me. My parents never really yelled at least that I remember but I feel the same way to what he describes what happens to a kid when you yell

  • My Parents Are Black, They’ve Done This To Me Before, Spanked By Belt For Telling Lies, Misbehaving, And Cursing + More! My Father Yells At Me Alot When i Do Wrong Stuff, His Voice Is EXTREMELY Deep And He Yells Loudly! I Cried Before When He Done This, Got Depressed. I Would Love To Show This Video, TOO AFRAID That My Parents Won’t STOP THIS BULLSHIT! Should Any Of You Report This To Police Or Call A Therapist?

  • Just a note: “baby talk” is actually important for helping babies learn how to speak. It helps them learn the natural inflection of the language being spoken, and the slow nature of the language pattern aids them in learning and understanding. I’m not sure at what age using baby talk becomes pointless, so I’m not advocating always talking to kids like that. But it’s not something that is always patronizing or belittling. We are wired to talk to small kids like that for a reason.

  • My step mom is a good person but all in all I can safely say that shes one on the reasons for my anxiety. She yelled at me all the time and it was usually small shit and I never said anything back. I will always love her but she stressed me out.

  • My mom slapped me once and yells at me alot and threatens to take my stuff away but little does she kmew that joy in what you love doing is what you love doing and if you take it away you’ll be left with nothing but sadness and emptiness alot of the time and when she tells and curses it make me highly uncomfortable and when she slapped me across my face she told me please dont tell that to anyone but I believe that she should’ve just sealed with it because there was something making me upset at the time and we all have emotions and let it out somtimes so yeah

  • my mom keeps yelling at me because of small problems even tho she knows that i always start to cry when she does it and still wonders why i never come out of my room. i wish she would stop but she does it so often

  • I’m 13. Holy shit, you just put into words what I have been trying to tell for ages. Luckily my dad was the same as yours, and my mom did the same. However it was blatantly obvious that my extended family thought my brain was a brick. I still get it today.

  • The one thing that hurt me soo much was when my mom and dad were arguing my dad said “If it wasn’t for the kids I would be gone.” I know he loves me and my sis but that made me think we are a burden to him and when it comes down to it a nuisance to him. It hurts me to wonder if I was not planned/wanted.

  • When I was young my dad never yelled at me or my older sister my mom passed away the day I was born 20yrs ago when I told my dad I was pregnant and he always treated me like his princess he said everything will be alright he passed away on Christmas and I’m a mother to a three year old girl and two twins my first daughter’s dad broke up with me in the hospital and my twins dad we were going to get married passed away in a car accident days before I was giving birth I had the twins a week ago and it’s very very difficult

  • Every time my son (toddler) and I joke around and roughhouse together…. I get screamed at…. in front of the child. Fucking lame

  • What many parents forget after they yelled to a child, is to make it up afterwards by saying ‘sorry, I’ve lost control, and I was angry because of so and so. But everything is ok now.’ than the kid can relax, otherwise there system stays in a state of alert and keeps tensed. With all sad results as a follow-up…

  • right clearly you shouldnt yell at anyone for no reason. but by the title this guy has never had to care for a kid. if you try to live by this i have one thing to say to you; good fucking luck

  • Even if they didn’t understand the subject children understand how you’re acting towards each other. They understand that people are fighting and ignoring them. They understand that you’re handling your problems badly and you’re not teaching them how to handle the problems well.

  • Me: has an anxiety disorder

    Me: has cried when I was getting yelled at

    Me: has told my mom that yelling doesn’t solve anything in a fucking therapy session

    My mom (and dad): imma just ignore that

  • Jesus Harold Weinstein Christ who got pinned up on a big fucking stick for our sins you teach a generation of people to parent like this, and you wonder why you have so many young adults saying that they “can’t adult” and it’s like bruh, yelling is a fact of life. It will happen where you need to yell to express something and it will happen where you will fuck up and someone will express something through yelling. And spanking is a form of dicipline that teaches your kid that really unacceptable behavior will probably lead to someone beating the shit out of them in the real world, so to teach that you spank them hit them on their ass, which is a part of the body that stings when it gets hurt, but isn’t easily damaged unlike the neck, head, stomach, hands, etc. so they associate doing unacceptable things with being hurt. The lack of understanding of these two basic things that some fucking zoomer can understand is the reason why most young generations are actually pathetic (see the whining about “”adulting””), are emotionally unstable (obsession with “mental health” and literally skipping your job in the name of feeling better, obsession with drugs like marijuana to cope with the struggles of life rather then facing them head-on) and lack almost all self-sufficiency. (the epidemic of people moving back to their parents home, reclusion from a possible social life)

  • Um my mom and dad both were alcoholics fought all the time in front of me yelled at me all the time hello there was a time my mom got drunk and kicked me out then called the police and said that I ran away. My mother has been so mad at me once she told me I was a mistake I am 33 years old and that sticks with me it hurts like hell when I think about it but at the end of the day I strive to be better than what my mother and my father both were I have two kids of my own yes I do yell at them they’re great kids they’re well-mannered they good good grades basically what I’m saying is it doesn’t always break you the ones it breaks are the ones that are weak but if you’re strong enough look at everything you’ve been through and turn it around and make it positive for yourself meaning everything my mom had ever said to me that hurt me makes me strive to be better than she ever was…

  • i got yelled at for losing 20$.

    My nanny and my cousin were leaving and i was sleep.

    my cousin took the 20$ spent it and i was yelled at for something i didn’t know about.

  • The thing is if someone yells at there kids it’s like they carved something in there brain either saying I will get revenge when I’m older or when I’m older I’m never visiting u

  • Good job parents. You did a GREAT JOB. You caused all the people here some trust issues. Now don’t expect or complain why your children aren’t opening up to you.

  • My dad has never yelled a second in his life according to him. The only things I remember about him when I was a teen were him yelling at me for sitting at the computer and him watching TV.

  • I really want to show this to my whole family
    They always yell at my cousin marcela and
    she is VERY annoying but Im literally the only
    one that can handle her (yeah not even her mother)
    My uncle my aunt her mother and her cousins yell
    At her and tell her she is ugly when she is crying
    So if they tell her that until she grows up more she
    Will start crying at night she is only 3 right now

  • Man, my family yells all the time. Not one day goes by without multiple screaming phone calls, or at lease 2 arguments.

    I really don’t want my little brother to hear all this.

  • I’m struggling right now at home because of my parents. I always wanted to say ” I bet I was adopted ” to them but I can’t. I know making parents cry is a really bad thing to do but I really don’t like…AT ALL! Now what I’m gonna do is that I’m gonna run away from my house and I swear to god I will not go back to the house ever again.

  • Me abused in almost every form factor they’re in life by my parents, but never have I allowed that to overcome me or to allow myself to feel I’ve been ruined and destroyed by it, I’ve learned and took on how to get away from it and managed to push for a better life than I could ever imagine when I was a kid, having all that wrong bs

  • I have gel in my hair and I forget and my parents did the love hair and I crying bc it PULLING A HAIT OUT! So they like STOP CRYING
    Sometime u don’t know it hurts I still crying

  • My parents only yelled at me, they never really taught me anything. I didn’t learn anything from yelling, only how to have anxiety.

  • My mom always yells “you aren’t thankful enough, I gave birth to you!”
    Well, I didn’t ask to and I wish I never was… I have depressions bc of her always yelling at me and never listening to me or not supporting me… So, i f you r a parent and u read this, please…. please just don’t yell at your child and please don’t yell even more if we raise our voice at you bc we finally got the courage to do it. Please treat your child like if there was a friend watching. It hurts how much a person changes after your friend says “your mom is so nice. I wish I had a mom like this”.
    And pls don’t be mad at us for having bad grades. We will have even more pressure and hate ourselves for who we are. Pressure often causes depressions. Yes, your child might be depressed. We know when we did something wrong so please don’t yell at us for 2 hours.

    Please give your child the beautiful memories it deserves.

    Thank you

  • Anyone else here after getting yelled at? This time it was because my sister couldn’t understand how to connect to our new wifi and I was gaming and didn’t want to help her immediately. I honestly don’t know what to do, Its been years since I have been truly happy and depression-free

  • My step-dad used to yell at me at a very young age like….6 or something. He still mostly does today but ive gotten away from him luckily. But the fact that he did that has made me hateful and i yell at my 7 year old cousin sometimes….parents, yelling at your kids may make them behave but later in life we just get hateful. I am living proof of this…it will either make the child hateful, depressed, or both later in life so please shut up

  • Thank you for this…i really needed guidance on this subject. I was feeling so much guilt and was wondering how to i can change or approach the different situations with my boys and now i have some great advice to work with. God bless you for this!

  • When my mum yells at me she doesn’t get in trouble but when I yell I GET IN BIG TROUBLE sometimes I wish I could run away from home

  • Im probably gonna get a lot of hate for this. But if it weren’t for my parents fighting I probably wouldn’t have such a tolerance to it

    Do you people really want your kids to be sensitive sugar fairies?

  • Ladies and gentlemen pls help my stepdad is mad crazy he yells and scream and every day when I near him I feel suicidal and nervous around him ima join THE USMC just to get away from them and he says he SAYS “well how can you handle them but not me when I’m YEAHHHLLLING AT YOU”and I said “well I’m just afraid of you nobody else l rather die then get yelled at”

  • I have a horrible childhood when I was 3, my mother screaming at me for no reason and my father treated me like a toy. Sometime my father shouted at me and hit me. I wasn’t really happy. When I was on Primacy school at the age of 9, my teacher scream at me while other student laugh.

    When I was 10, my father call me a pig brain. When I do something ‘wrong’, he start saying this: (USE YOUR PIG BRAIN, NO WONDER PEOPLE KEEP BULLYING YOU!) that hurt me..alot..

  • I grew up in a yelling controlling war zone. Yes, repeatedly yelling at or around your children is emotional abuse. It’s traumatic and it injures their brain causing complex PTSD. Consistent yelling puts the child at risk of self harm or suicide later in life. I speak as an adult who was traumatized by frequent yelling who attempted suicide as a teen. Let’s not kid ourselves, a habit of yelling kills.

  • My dad yelled at me during breakfast, because i was eating corn flakes, when he was eating sausage. After hour of discussion he called me and my mum: wrong handicaps.

  • I when I move out I don’t want my dad to meet my kids but my dad is a great parent but whenever I don’t do something he asks me to do because I’m exhausted or for some other reason he makes me seem like the bad guy and whenever I try to help him with what I don’t want him to do that could possibly hurt me mentally he just yells at me for him thinking it’s not true my sister has already moved out and she has also tried to take her own life because of the way my dad treated her and my dad tried to make my sister the bad guy

  • I know now as my horror experience that I’m going threw Rn wich I classify and verbal abuse is I will never yell at my wife kids if they make a mistake ima sit them down and talk to them bout it

  • The father should apologize for cursing in front of his daughter. And further more, the fact that you’re a parent doesn’t make it right to yell at your kids without acknowledging the situation first. Otherwise, you are just being selfish.

  • I got yelled at today… I tell my parents I’m sensitive and emotional to even the smallest things and they don’t believe me

    So right now I’m crying a pool of tears and I can’t control it

  • I’m sensitive too I don’t tell my parents anything because they will yell at me or criticize me so I just keep my emotions bottled inside and just write in a journal for emotional healing because I have nobody to do to

  • I swear I’m the least favorite sibling and it really shows, but when my parents yell at me I start crying and no one in my house cares

  • I’m always yelled at for the tiny things like when I forget to hang up with my bff they scream I’ve been yelled at ever since I was 5 now I’m a teenager and I feel horrible I wanna cry. But I just want to feel loved when I’m. Away from home. I sometimes want to stay away for the hole time I feel so hurt it also makes me want to cry when everyone is sleeping because I’m so tired of it I wanna run but If I do I will get yelled at more

  • Don’t yell at you kid it makes them fill unsecured and Your child will fill like you will kill them. in ther body ther brain is saying “you are in danger” because of your face and tone them it fills them up stress and anger. When you shout you become the ther monster. and will change their Future completely you should be the role model that will look up to and learn from you when they grow up I am a kid I exspreance all of this I did search up how to make your parents not shout then I found this video. Every time I will start to cry because I fill unsecured and not safe I did not ask to be born a was just born. Every night i would lock my self in my room and cry In the corner all night I couldn’t get to sleep because all I had in my head was my mom and my dad tone and face yelling at me saying “ I wish you wher dead “ and would not leve me I tend to cry when my mom and dad are asleep.But for all of the perents the message is DONT YELL AT YOUR KID.

    I am just Hoping that this will stop ��

  • My dad shouts at me all the time. I was scared! It’s not good! He always shouts at me for telling him what to do! Total verbal abuse!

  • The funny thing. My parents listen to ALL those studies, but this one? Nope. And these effects rub off on me, and they have NO clue why…also, they always say, “You act like you don’t wanna be here, blah blah blah.” Well, I WONDER WHY?

  • Kids are a reflection of who you are and if you want your babies to be highly successful and well liked by their peers, it’s all about building up their confidence. You yell at them and it’s basically the flip opposite of love and support. I’m the parent of 3 unbelievable kids who each had their own challenges in life but because my wife and I built them up and forever told them how amazing they are or how handsome or beautiful they are, they all morphed into lovely, high performing little adults. And in the end, I get to beam w pride about all this!

  • Good afternoon,
    to start I’d like to thank you for your recent upload. All of the videos I’ve watched & studies have been very enlightening.

    I have a topic suggestion I need help with regarding preschool aged children. My son is due back to school this week and I need help with helping him adjust to the environment. Previously, my son would go to school and pick up unruly behaviors. Since he’s been home we’ve spent so much quality time together, so his disruptive behavior has seriously been to a minimum. How do I and my husband as a parent help him remember home rules, & “etiquette“? Thank you again!

  • I got yelled at when I was a kid, and it’s horrible. It’s like a huge stab on my heart, only 100 times worse…Now I don’t get yelled at as much as then, but it’s still hurtful…

  • Tch, mostly of the times my mom yells at me of these weird-ass things, and my dad yells the least….. I was born with low self-esteem, I hate getting yelled by someone. If someone shouts in my damn face, I would slap them hard….. ����������������

  • Yes. Yes. Yes. I have so many bad memories of my dad screaming at me when I genuinely didn’t know what I did wrong. It’s traumatic.

  • Yelling is emotional abuse. Period. I wish it would get as accepted as physical abuse… yes, I am a victim myself, my mother has been a screaming monster for years, she screamed everyday and I got depression, aniexty and PTSD becauose of it. I’m also very noise sensitive.

  • To say it bluntly. IT’S ABUSE. IT’S VERBAL ABUSE.

    (If you get yelled at 1 or 2 times it’s not abuse, but if at every dinner you get yelled at that’s verbal abuse)

  • My dad used to yell at me a lot which wouldnt have been that bad. The only issue is that he would yell at my (ex) step siblings even more! And frequently for no good reason. They did have a lot of behavioral problems when the were younger but they 100 percent grew out of them and he acted a if they hadn’t. That really ruined my opinion of him and broke out bond entirely. Honestly, unless he admits all his wrongs it’s going to be hard to forgive him. So to all parents I warn you, don’t yell at your kids and listen to their opinions if you really care!!

  • Even if children (and most people) don’t understand the subject, they still understand the raw emotional energy behind what’s being said.

  • Thank you I can’t agree with this more as someone who is still growing up like this terrified of my dad it does hurt I can hear him yelling through the headphones

  • The saddest part of this whole thing is that most parents care more about their own egos than they ever cared about their kids. I would know.

  • As an Asian kid, I can’t agree with you. Sometimes, only yelling works. I was an absolute brat, broke all my mom’s button, she tried western style talking technique which didn’t work. Only time it worked when she yelled at me. You have to understand, kid don’t understand talking, their brain is not advanced to process right and wrong. Sometime, only fear can deter them.

  • “Children are frustrating””
    My dad is a frustrating
    He’s yelled at me for 14 years and I’m sick of his shit.
    I’m done with his abusive ass.

  • Throughout my life was all just yelling.. My mom and dad always yell when so thing they want is not going the way they want it to. This later led me into depression, I wished I was dead, I always locked my self in my room, and I would cry every night. I tried talking to someone but nothing helped. My parents are trying to erase the past like nothing ever happend, because my father was always yelling. I wish I could tell them how I feel, but I’m scared how they would react to me talking to a person about what happened… I still question this to myself… “Why do they want me here if all they ever do is yell at me and my siblings.. I’m better of dead than alive.” I still wonder how I’m going to confront my parents about this… I still cry.. I feel like I’m alone all isolated in a box..trying to escape the darkness… But in reality I smile.. I his the fact that I cry.. What will I ever do to tell my parents about this…?

  • I do believe that this video had a powerful message but the title of the video does not match the content of the video. Just my opinion.

  • True..I always help my parents to do their work like help cook,wash dishes and clothes..and they doesn’t care about me at all they just keep on yelling at me like I didn’t even help them with anything and I hate it..I kinda feel like I need to cut myself..all the yelling I got everyday every second made me feel depression I always try to impress them with my hard work I tried to help them everyday because they have to go to work everyday and came home late.. I understand they felt tired and thats why I always help them with home work but all I got was yelling they doesn’t care if they hurt my feelings and I don’t want to try to speak up for myself because I know they will yell at me even more..so I just shut my mouth and hold my tears until they leave my room…

  • Parents, believe me when I say yelling at your kid as a means of discipline can really screw us up later in life. The only memories I have of my mom from when I was little are ones where she’s screaming and yelling at me for small things and ripping a brush through my hair telling me how bad I am. Therefore, even now that I’m a teenager, I can’t find it in myself to trust my mom. It’s hard to be around her. And she hasn’t stopped, either. She still exhibits those tendencies. I have absurdly low self-esteem. I can’t stand up for myself. I have horrible anxiety. I freak out when people raise their voice or get even a little frustrated with me. I know that yelling may seem so common and may seem like it’s working now, but it’s only making your child afraid of you. It’s really gonna mess them up in the long run, trust me. You decided to have a child, so treat them right, unlike my mom did/does.

  • Thank you.. this is why i dont speak to my family…..i never forgot.. i long ago forgave but every time i look in the mirror i see the scars and cannot forget..

  • My fight or flight response usually ends up with me being told to leave and never come back, because i yell back. Is it normal for a family to yell/get physical with each other everyday?

  • I have low self-esteem, my mom yells at me.. I feel like she did nothing with me, sometimes I wish I could lock myself away from the world.

  • My dad would yell and cuss me out I would cry I really do try to talk to my mom about how I feel about that I do agree with this video it really hurts my feelings when my dad cusses at me I feel like He hates me i’m really scared of my dad my mom said this video does not teach me how to. Be a parent

  • my parents have been yelling and cussing and used to hit me occasionally and it really fucked me up. I don’t feel comfortable talking to them about anything and it’s definitely contributed to my depression.

  • there is no right or wrong way, every child is different n requires a different method u cant possibly have a set of rules that is applicable to all children, ask a mother that raised 4…thats the expert…

  • Dear parents,
    If you know there sad everyday, admit somethings wrong. If you tell at them and raise punishments, your doing something wrong. If you hit your child ever I mean A hit on the back of the head to a beating, your doing something wrong. If you threaten to hit or kill your child, your doing something wrong. YOUR IN THE WRONG YOU KNOW THAT. your scaring that kid you know what your doing I know you do so stop. Please for the love of everything that is wholly STOP
    kids

  • My Mexican Parents Whooped Our Ass AND Yelled At Us. Believe Me. Kids Need That. You Have To Engrave That Into Their Minds.
    Now, That Being Said…
    Yelling And Hitting Kids Under 10 Is Ridiculous And Stupid. Don’t Scar The Children.
    Just Make Sure They Know You’re Being Serious.
    Now 11 To 13 I Say It’s Ok To Yell And If Needed, A Good Slap Across The Cheek (face) Is Ok. Not A Grown Up Slap But A 10% Slap.
    13 And Older. GO HARD. Steer Them Away From The Wrong Path Using Force. They’ll Understand And Appreciate It As They Go Into Adulthood.
    Life Will Hit You And Knock You Down. Get The Fuck Back Up And Swing Right Back.
    Stop Giving Kids Participation Trophies.
    This Creates Lazy, Dabbing Like Moron Phone Zombied Back Talking No Bathing Delinquents.

  • I remember I interrupted my moms tv show and she screamed at me. When I went to my dads house, my dad screamed at me and made me go back to my moms house because I told him to wear a mask properly in front of me.

  • i don’t even do anything wrong and my dad yells it doesn’t even have to be about something i do just every sentence is rage everyday 24/7

  • Pls help for this situation….
    I don’t yell to my kid but I restrict him lil more for junk food but now whenever he wants to eat anything junk he hides himself behind the door or curtain n eat… What should I do about it? Hiding to eat what he likes,is that normal. My kid is 4 years old.

  • Didn’t know parenting would be so frustrating can’t believe I’m an adult parenting kids now. I remember like yesterday being a child. Ahh.

  • Literally she yells at me for no fucking reason. Then makes up more reason to yell. Then says I’m yelling when I’m literally just talking.

  • I really look upto my aunt. One time her teen son was doing some electrical work in wrong way (that could have been disaster if not done correctly). One would have yelled at him, but she whispered, yes WHISPERED near him, ” you are doing it absolutely in a wrong way.” And he said sorry Ma, very softly. I was amused because all I do is yell, and my children yell back at me.

  • i decided a few years ago that i will never be having children because i dont know if i could love them unconditionally, and if i cant, i dont want to have to put a child through that

  • I’m not a problematic child, not at all, but my family treated me like I am one, whenever I do things right like cleaning my room, my toilet and take out the garbage, they were NEVER there to see me doing it, infact they never praised me for it. But when they see me at my worst, like if i do mistakes or if i miss a task to do, they are ALWAYS the first people to witness it and find a way to yell at me as if they have every reason to, they call me “lazy” “useless” “stupid” and so on.

    The only emotion I ever got from them is that they are narcisistic, angry and likes to yell a lot, never have I ever seen them try to talk to me without yelling once, they are that bad. Look I get it, “This is their way to show care, so at least show respect, appreciate it”*no, it’s not, even if it is, I STRONGLY disagree with it, it’s just wrong, parents are supposed to be fun to be around, right? You know the kinds of parent who relates to their own child? Showing empathy for example and ONLY yell when it’s necessary.

    If you’re going to be a parent, PLEASE, understand your own childen and help him, help him like how your helping yourself and please… No yelling.

  • My mom yelled at me since I was little (she hit me too).. now I’m 13 and I have social anxiety and also I’m always stressed and when my mom hears that I haven’t been talking to people at school and when I have a lot of stress she’s so surprised smh
    She has even asked what the hell is wrong with me why am I so unsocializing (cause teachers are annoyed by my social anxiety and the call her) and she yells even more at me and then she says “just talk to people it’s not hard what’s wrong with you”.
    I’ve always wondered why I have social anxiety and a lot of stress and now I know

  • Helpful and important tips…Thank you. As an ex-military Sergeant that was raised by Drill Sergeant parents, it is amazing that I became a patient parent of a teen as well as a therapist for children, teens, and families. I will share this with parents in my practice. By the way, I also have a strong background in the Love and Logic parenting approach. I hear a lot of the L and L philosophy in your approach. Curious if you both have a background in L and L as well. Keep the videos coming.

  • My mom is usually screaming or reminding us how much of a burden we are or worrying about everything or complaining or sharing sad memories or remembering tragic events. That’s all she knows, misery, sadness and anxiety over nothing, very impatient and negative and never ever optimistic. She was like this from day one, clearly depressed and anxious but she refuses to admit it to herself or to us and she refuses to go to therapy, in fact, she felt disappointed at us that we think she needs therapy. and now that my siblings and I are older and are ( depressed and anxious ) she complains that we have no reason to hate life and hate ourselves and that we are ungrateful for all of the love and work she’s done for us and swear by her life that we’re the only reason why we feel what we feel and that she have done everything right. She loves us I know, but her love is very toxic, she was always so vulnerable. Always shared her concerns and doubts and regrets and disappointments with us. I’m sorry for writing too much, it’s just that this video was suggested to me in a time I need it the most.

  • I hate that, i keep thinking that i’ll just answer back to protect myself, but when i’m actually in the moment i cant do it, then my siblings make fun of me for getting shouted at..

  • My mom isn’t abusive don’t worry today I apparently didn’t mind a puppy properly today so she started screaming and shouting at me, I usually don’t cry when I am supposed to but this time I just started crying.

  • I was having a misophonia attack because my brothers were making noises in the other room and I couldn’t find my earphones. So I started screaming and crying and my dad started yelling and screaming at me cause he was angry. so i ran outside and he came after me and forced me to go back into the house and then I started screaming with my mouth closed and crying with my hands over my ears and he forced me to go into my room and started yelling at me. I told him”I had a misophonia attack.” He yelled,” Lies lies lies!!” He then kept yelling at me. I was crying so hard until 5 mintues later, he came into my room and told me to get my dinner plate. And I told him,”I am finished with you.” he then said,”I’ll be finished with your butt!” After that, I told my friend and my auntie.

  • My mother used to yell at me and now she is yelling at my 8 year old..��
    Iam going to share this video with her..so that she can correct it.

  • I’m not even acting up or doing anything. My mom was trying to take a picture of something on my phone, but the screen was getting dark and was about to shut off, so I tapped it so it didn’t shut off, and my mom went STOP IT DONT DO THAT!!!!! Even tho I was trying to help. The same day, she is mopping the floor, and when I tried to go upstairs from the basement, she screams WHO IS THAT! Then, STAY DOWNSTAIRS YOU NEED TO WAIT, YOU DONT NEED TO GO UPSTAIRS. And the same day, it was around 8:45 and I was playing Xbox with my friends, and I wasn’t hungry. Then my mom SCREAMS my name and says GET UP HERE. Yet when I tried to before she screamed at me. So when I got up there she started to repeat angrily, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO EAT, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO EAT. I said I’ll have a sandwich and she gets angry for no reason and is all angry, and my dad said she can go take her shower while he makes my sandwich. I sat down at the table and cried for 15 minutes straight because the whole day my mom was yelling and screaming at me for no reason the WHOLE DAY. I never said anything to her or did anything bad that made her mad. She was just super angry at me for no apparent reason. I cried for minute after minute, and my dad had to calm me down. I think my mom is one of the reasons why I’m always so sad in life. The whole entire day she yelled, screamed, and was angry at me when I did absolutely nothing. Also, my mom calls me dumb, and calls me gay even though I’m not. I feel like I’m useless in this world when she yells at me, calls me dumb, calls me gay even though I’m not, and yells at me if I get an 85% on my tests (I’m not Asian or Indian)

  • My 6yo directly says that I don’t love her and I hate her if/when I lose my cool with her☹️ I remind her in those moments and reiterate all the time that I love her no matter what and even if…�� I ask her if/ when she gets mad at me, does she still love me? Or does she hate me? She says no! Lol she understands�� That being said, yelling is definitely not a strategy I condone! Meditation is our best coping skill!

  • Oh dear, I really don’t want to yell but I do at 2 & 1/2 year old. I will follow your advise and am sure there will be a change which I will come back and tell you. Thank you for being here

  • My father is screaming at my little sister and me so often, his and my relationship is so bad at that point and we don’t even talk some day although we live in the same house, just because we have nothing to say to each other.

  • Another tip is to SING what you want to say if it’s appropriate to do so. Have a jingle that relates back to your family expectations. Choose a little tune that you can instinctively recall and you can freestyle or prepare little rhymes for instances that have commonly been a challenge for you all.
    Example:
    *(Tune of “Mary Had A Little Lamb”)
    *It’s time to put your shoes on now
    Shoes on now, shoes on now
    It’s time to put your shoes on now
    One foot at a time.*
    Or:
    “Speak to me with a quiet voice so I can hear your words.”
    and you can do the same as part of your technique for letting some air out of that frustration balloon:
    I’M going to use a quiet voice
    So you can hear my words.”

    Experiment and learn what is helpful for you and your family.
    Find your *Groove*. ❤��

  • you got recommended to me because i watch DankPods lol. i agree wholeheartedly with your points. as someone who grew up with an abusive mother i will do my damndest to follow this to the letter when i become a parent. thank you for saying this. you got yourself a sub my friend, greetings and love from croatia ����❤

  • I’m sure SOME of you experienced verbal abuse but some of you just sound like spoiled ass kids who don’t listen to their parents so they have to yell from getting so frustrated ����‍♂️

  • It’s extremely damaging to kids as someone who has experienced continuously through out my childhood. Talk to your children nicely and they’ll respond the same. And when they grow up they will treasure you.

  • Haha, I kind of relate to this. Cuz I remember whenever my dad was angry or in a bad mood. My brothers and I expected him to come to our room or if we happened to be around him at the time, would pick on something we were doing wrong.

    Like if we were sitting on the couch with our iPads, would comment how we were on our butts all the time and we weren’t doing anything productive. And sometimes depending on how bad it was, he would take our iPads away for no reason at all, but we felt like we were doing something wrong.

    That’s why we would hide all our technology when we felt that one of our parents were in a bad mood (even though I font remember my mom doing anything like this)

    And when I was 14 or 15, he’d lash out at me if I showed any bit of retaliation. He wasnt in a good mood at one time and I was also done with his shit from some reason at the time. So I was putting away some stuff in the kitchen, so I was huffing and puffing, he noticed this and threw the plastic wrap on the floor and started yelling at me how I was a selfish brat and I wasnt the girl he raised with that kind of attitude (even though he was traveling alot cheating on other wemon but you know, when did he ever raise me?)

    And whenever I’d try to have a serious conversation with him. He’d give me this laugh, it’s hard to describe in words but it was a laugh that belittles you, mocking and disintegrates any bit of self confidence you may have. Treating you like your a clueless child.

    I believed many of the things he told me about myself, and I grew up with no self worth confidence. Believing that I was nothing more then he said i was. And I would be lying If i said that didnt mess me up. Even when I got the full explanation from my mom and how his psychology works, it left some marks ngl

    But I was always conflicted about him, because then he would do all these nice things for us. He’d buy us anything we wanted when he was in the right mood. He’d take us traveling. All these things.

    Currently, my mom is getting a divorce with him. And I say, she should have done that about 10 years ago. Because I know shes been through alot worse then I have with this man.

    Do I hate him? Yeah, and no. I pitty him more then anything. Because it would be terrifying being someone who wasnt even aware of what they were doing. Or they were causing damage to the people they love, and have no way to stop themselves.

    If anything, I think people are more terrifying then any monster or demons you see in stories or religion.

    Sorry for the long rant ^^’

  • Thanks for posting this video. I know I needed to hear this information. I forget that one of my main priorities is to teach my children how to live and behave and speak. And it’s super not helpful to yell all the time at them…

  • The way we react to a child’s behavior says a lot about who we are as adults. A child is a tiny, defense and very impressionable being. When they piss us off, we have the option to react violently because they are defenseless. If they were another adult we would be much more measured in our reaction. If your first impulse is to go straight to yelling and violence, you are no more in control than the child.

  • “Don’t yell at your children, don’t swat their butts. Let them run all over you, be disrespectful, and do as they please.” What a joke. My Dad yelled far more often than he spanked us and we are just fine. I’m thankful that he used his drill Sargeant voice, as opposed to his hands.

  • Everytime I get yelled at for unnesssery reasons (whether it’s from parents or other people) I just want to fucking exterminate these braindead assholes

  • WARNING: VENT COMMENT, you’re allowed to ignore this, I’m not abused, but I have been yelled at.

    In response to me making a mistake, my mom has yelled over and over about what I did was wrong. I know it was wrong, I know that I need to improve, I don’t need it hammered in.. It makes me uncontrollably cry for about 30 minutes without being able to stop in front of her in moments that she has yelled at me. I’m hyper sensitive, I’m fearful of being yelled at for mistakes, so I am prone to trying to run from my problems or do them on my own without consulting others for help in fear of being yelled at for making that mistake, the longer I wait the more I run from my problems, and then I’m asked why I didn’t ask for help and waited so long. It’s uncommon for her to yell at me, once a month or less usually, but in moments where she has the uncontrollable crying was awful, the helplessness and knowing that whatever I say I probably won’t get her to leave and calm down or see my point of view. She has PTSD (I had to overhear a conversation to learn that), depression, and anxiety, she’s also prone to migraines, not a good combo. If I make a mistake, I just have to hope she’s not in a really bad mood or having a migraine. It more or less causes fear for me, and uncontrollable crying + social anxiety is a bad combo, I don’t like the self induced shame I feel for being unable to stop ugly crying. Otherwise my mother is really good, she has good views on the world and tries to be a good parent, but her major flaw in parenting is yelling at me. I love her, but she’s just so assertive sometimes. I think she’s insecure about others stabbing her in the back or manipulating or walking over her due to past experiences, she seems like she used to be shy and kind of a pushover. Sorry for venting, again I love my mother, I wouldn’t ask for another, but even though she’s become more understanding, yelling has given me problems. About 80% of days are perfectly fine though, I’m usually happy and I don’t have depression, I don’t self harm, I don’t have major issues like a certain two family members. I love life but yelling sucks, if you yell at your kids as punishment please stop. from a teenager

  • I got spanked when I was a kid. Not too much though only rarely. Never had my parents yell at me. I think I prefer the spank over getting yelled at. Yelling can go deep.

  • my mum screams at me for no reason whatsoever, she will call me useless, worthless, tell me she doesn’t care about me, tell me she will put me in care, tell me she will cut all contact with me, she doesn’t fell empathy, she doesn’t accept that she is wrong, I am only 13. what do I do?

  • I got Yelled at for something I didn’t know. And Then I usually get yelled at for not doing the dishes. My mom says I’m lazy but every day she just sits or lays around the house talking to her friends. I play with my dogs and then she also says I’m on my phone too much when she’s on hers 24/7. Its Really Annoying. Then They wonder why I’m shy and can’t talk to people. Then She calls me things Like A Screw Up or whatever and then says she loves me. My dad is Fine. My Mom Is another story. Then This leads me to not smiling. I don’t even smile anymore,At school I look so happy.. And then I heard my teachers talking They said I wonder what they do to her. I don’t smile or laugh in the classroom either. I wish I was dead and tried to run away but I knew I would miss out on life. Then I tried to cut myself but that didn’t work. I even joke to my friends when they call me.. well they think I’m joking by holding a knife to my throat. And Poking myself with it too. I wanna die but I’m living an OK life. I even cry when they yell at me but they still continue. I wanna move but I have no one to go to.

  • my dad actually yells at me so much, that every time his bedroom door opens, i get a little sicker to my stomach. he has never apologized to me, he has never once thought that yelling at me might be why i don’t talk to people about my feelings or why i don’t see myself to be as good as anyone else sees mehell, he found out that i had a crush on a girl (i’m a female) and literally took my phone from me and then yelled at me. this morning, he came home from work, looked around, and burst into my room while i was sleeping and yelled at me for not sweeping the floors like he asked me to do. it was kinda like

    “HEY! WHAT WAS THE ONE THING I ASKED YOU TO DO LAST NIGHT?!”

    “Clean the floors..”

    “DID YOU DO IT?!”

    “no..”

    “Okay.” but it wasn’t like a normal tone. he used that passive aggressive tone that basically said “don’t expect anything else from me.” if you have parents like this, you know the voice. i just want him to understand that just because he is the parent and that he is the one making decisions, i should still have my feelings considered as well. never in my life has this man sat me down and asked how i was doing. you wanna know what he did when i tried to commit suicide? “So you think you have it bad? You do realize that suicide is the most selfish thing anyone can do right? Are you trying to ruin my life?!” so if suicide is selfish, what are you doing right now? i would think telling your 13 year old suicidal daughter that her only way out is “selfish” is some sort of big no no in the parenting book. but he topped it all off with “well, you gotta understand. i have never felt that way so i don’t understand how you feel.”

  • my mum always yells at me, and she took me to a child psychologist about my depression and anxiety, but ironic because she’s the cause of all this, she’s reason all my friends left me

  • I always feel like wanting to yell/shout back whenever that happened to me; but I decide to be better than them by not doing that ����

  • This comment section is literally the most sad I ever seen. It’s unbelievable that a lot parents still don’t know how harmful this is/was to us.

    My mom always said, be happy that I don’t beat you.
    Mom, I am SCARED.
    i was literary sitting there and I couldn’t move, mom.
    I can’t calm myself down without repeating “she won’t hurt you“ over and over again.
    it’s nice that you didn’t beat me.
    You just kill a sensibel kid over and over again.

  • It’s happened so much that I had childhood trauma and now when I get yelled at, I disassociate and now, i don’t really feel emotions.

  • I hate when my parents argue they do. It every night and it’s so annoying and makes me mad
    And I can’t do anything about it and my dad always says that I’m the reason our family is fucked and that he argues with my mum

  • I or we are guilty of this very thing! I never thought about this thank you! We my wife and I will be have a conversation tonight! Again thank you for sharing!

  • The thing is, you should never NEED to yell. You are the boss and speaking quietly does not change that. Yelling means you feel you’ve lost control and the child senses this. They don’t want to be in charge anymore than you want them to be. Michael Caine said the royals never raise their voices because they have power and don’t need to. Set an appropriate punishment for wrongdoing and stick to it, speaking normally all the way.

  • Children are not pet or toys you can just yell at and hit. Children have just as many feelings as the parents, and they are just as valid. Being a child is hard enough, don’t make it any harder.

  • My dad always yells at me he doesn’t even listen to what I say it’s like I am invisible to him. He only doesn’t yell when he needs help from me. He is so unfair

  • my parents always scream at me if i make mistakes and when i tell them to stop yelling at me they will scream at me more and they told me i dont feel guilty for the small mistake i made while what i wanted is them to just tell me nicely not screaming sometimes im jealous of my friends parents

  • Have either of you studied “NVC”..Non Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg?. I would Love to see what kind of Advice about.. how to become more fluent with this Language of Love, When you don’t have family or friends around.. Willing to invest the time to learn with you.

    Thanks a lot.. for sharing these super Helpful videos!

  • My parents yell at me for not being hungry. I’ve explained to them already that I’m just not hungry and I can’t do anything, and they stop for a few days. Then it starts back up again.

  • Yelling emotionally breaks a child. It doesnt matter the age, it doesnt matter who you are. Yelling at your children or sibling breaks them. I should know.. my family cant have a simple conversation without my mother screaming.. it hurts..

  • I can’t recall the day I didn’t get yelled at and I’m only 10. So I need SCHOOL to stay away from them and not get yelled at and they call me a good for nothing person

  • Ok so you get to that point after the yelling is over to me I thought of hanging myself because of depression and I also think to myself why am I here leave down a reply if this is somewhat relatable

  • I was raised by yellers. Took me a year to break the habit. Just setting the intention helped right away cuz it made me notice it. I tied a string on my finger! I bought a signet ring later. So my kids weren’t raised on yelling. My voice actually drops when I’m seriously angry, still today. My kids still acuse me of yelling to this dayand they’re 30!

  • Of course you want to avoid fighting or yelling in front of your kids. But unless you have the patience of god, theres gonna be times you lose it. Its going to happen eventually. You cant completely avoid conflict. Maybe in a perfect world you could. So videos like this…eh… just do your best parents. Dont fall into the trap of thinking perfection exists

  • My Mom literally screams at me for everything,She takes away my Laptop that IS MINE NOT HERS and MY PS4 and MY Tablet but she just takes them with her

  • I just wanna say this

    There would be fights every day, and I was the youngest. The youngest shouldn’t be used to or numb to it right?? RIGHT? Exactly…the arguments would always rotate and be about me. And my mom would always start it, ALWAYS. Ands it’s always about the littlest thing. This made me hate my mom so much and my dad a lil. I hate talking to her or being around her, I hate yelling. It doesn’t happen a lot now(as if last month there weren’t just arguing��). There’s more reasons but that’s not important. I hate it here, I hate her.

  • When I was young my father often slapped me and my siblings for our behavior and I remember when we had to sleep he walked up and I ran with full fear into my bedroom pretending to sleep and my brothers always got slapped and I always felt guilty about it. I was scared of my father.

  • My Parents always shouted at me for very small reasons ( like spilling few drops of water etc. ) to block them, I had to turn up my music or video. But First I was scared at them but as I grew up I got use to it. If anything that Pissed me off and I came to a point where I say ” Shut the Fuck up, Shut your Noisy Mouth “. Shouting made me more aggressive, therefore I’m not gonna have kids I really dislike kids, just annoy me and I can’t be bothered to communicate with them and I hate being noisy, I hate shouting, I never shout at anyone when I’m angry.

  • I understand this so much. My father has a very bad temper and I’ve had the extent to him throwing me across the room shaming me calling me a pig and an idiot this has gone on since I was 3 years old. The shaming me, the calling me names,the hitting me. One time when I was 7 I ran away to my grandmothers house but soon after she passed away and I’m stuck home again. my mom and dad fight everyday my dad almost killed my dog and both my sisters cut themselves and try suicide. My life is awful and I just want to be happy for once. I’m only 12 years old and I have depression, anxiety and i’m Bipolar. I don’t know why this is happening to me I want my dad back. My father who is caring and protective of me not the one is is meantaly abusive to everyone. I want to leave but that’d be selfish. I can’t leave my mother in this situation. I just have to wait till she leaves him..

  • And then my mom says back «iTs bEcaUse yOu dOnt dO wHat I sAy, yOu aRe laZy and miserable and blah blah blah». Yeah, lazy. When im diagnosed with different diseases. And still getting stepped on mentally by my parents. Im only 13 and idfk if I wanna deal with this anymore.

  • My parents never apoligis to me when they yell at me Not even when im in my rooms cry loudly with an Open door when they hear IT they Just Close the door

  • I had a dollar for every time my mom yelled at me/hit me, I would be one of the richest people in the world and I would be able to buy everything-

  • I never forget about when I was seven I woke up with a sore throat so not wanting to wake up my mom I got myself a glass of water and it woke my mom up and she screamed at me saying why do you keep waking me up so I cried and my mom sent me to bed and i woke up really sick

  • My parents are constantly verbally abusive towards me and they always deny it and then expect an apology FROM ME after I literally did nothing. They always start fights for no reason and blame it on me. I try and get out of the house as much as a can but it’s not enough and I can’t take it anymore. I’ve contemplated suicide many times and they never listen and always victimize themselves. I never peeled loved in my home and I don’t think I have anything to I’ve for anymore because they (and my siblings) always tell me they wish I was aborted.

  • I’m always being yelled at, usually when something goes missing I’m the one to blame, when I talk I either get smacked or hit bc I’m showing an “attitude” when it’s just how I talk. I get yelled at for almost everything basically and I can’t take It anymore.

    I’m scared of her now, I never leave my room and I stopped showing emotion and stopped talking just to not be yelled at,but I’m still getting yelled at for nothing.

    I’m always on my knees everynight crying and praying for someone to help me, I live with a stranger with bad anger issues and is always constantly screaming at me. My mom doesnt care and since I’m just still a kid I cant do anything and I dont know what to do anymore.

  • Yeah….. I’m here because I looked up mothers yelling at dads… insults…..etc…. funny how that’s not reperesented on YouTube

  • Another thing my son won’t go through any more. The father is a hot mess!!!!!!!! Six years of absolute nonsense yelling in a three year olds face for your materialistic, egotistical items. Video gaming is an addiction, alcohol is an addiction!!!!!!! Ohhh because he spilled water omg what a mess RAWR ��

  • My mom always says she’s my boss. And it hurts.
    I tell her all the time “NO! You’re my MOM!” matching her tone, and she takes it as a chance to act as nasty and as mocking as she can.

    I had a screaming overload, as someone who’s Neurodivergent, after one of these arguments. She sat there and mocked me.
    Parents in the comment section. please. Please be mindful that your child will need space in an argument. Give them a chance to give their side of an argument. Give them a voice. Tell them the flaws of their argument instead of mocking them.

    They’ll need it. Never in my life have I been able to formulate a proper argument to defend myself because this kind of behavior from my own family has caused me to be afraid to argue for how I feel. Let your kids express it in a healthy way that isn’t shouting and screaming back and forth.
    You’re not your kid’s boss. It’s their life, but you’re their supervisor. You’re there to suggest what they do, not tell them.

    They have little lives of their own, some lives that you can’t even comprehend. They go through pain daily, and maybe you do too, but they have to go through the world confused and afraid because they’re not experienced.
    Give your child support instead of bringing up past things they need to be ‘Thankful to you’ for.

    You brought them here. They didn’t ask to be in this world. So treat them like you brought them here as a blessing, not a burden.

  • I tried, I really tried showing my parents, but they of course like always turned it on me, I can’t speak, I can’t give my opinion on things without being yelled at or turning it on me. I cry in front of them seeking for attention and love and trying to show the hurt they have caused me. I have always been thinking of running away, calling 911 etc… they just yell at me for little things, yes you told me 2 times to do this, but you can’t force me, I am my own person, but they dont seem to see that, I love them, but do they? They say they do, but in reality they just say that around family.

  • Everyone Screams At Me For doing Small Thing Like They Say

    DO U HAVE EYES!

    CRYING IS FOR BABYS

    YOUR NOT WORTH

    UR USLESS

    Thats all they say

  • Thank you so much, I love this video. I agree, yelling shouldn’t be one of our parenting strategies, in fact I think that when we yell to our kids teaching moments get overpowered by the volume of our voice