Why Some Gifted Youngsters Are Bossy

 

Understanding and Supporting the Emotional Aspects of Giftedness (2/8/2012)

Video taken from the channel: UCI Division of Continuing Education


 

How to Train BOSSY Children into GREAT Leaders

Video taken from the channel: Jessica Wilden


 

35. Characteristics of Gifted Children & Difference between High Achievers and Gifted Children.

Video taken from the channel: Education Classes


 

FCV086 Guiding Gifted Kids — Guest: James T. Webb, Ph.D., ABPP-Cl

Video taken from the channel: Annie Fox, Author


 

Acting-Out Behaviors of Gifted Kids in Class: Behavior Management

Video taken from the channel: eHow


 

Are Gifted Children Born or Made?

Video taken from the channel: VOA News


 

The Misdiagnosis of Gifted Children

Video taken from the channel: SENG Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted


Since the other children have not generally agreed to follow the rules of any one child, that child will be seen as bossy. However, when gifted children play together, this is not usually a problem since all the gifted children will attempt to make up complex rules. Bossy behaviors appear as children begin to explore power in a social context with peers and within the parent-child relationship. These behaviors originate from the desire to organize and direct the behavior of others. Bossiness may be rooted in the following motivations: A child has a great idea in mind and she needs others to bring it to life. (“Put the castle over here.

That doesn’t stop some people from claiming that such a child has oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). Or a gifted child’s perfectionism might cause her to want everything in perfect order: everything organized by shape or color or size. That behavior may lead some people to believe that child has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Bossiness in gifted children usually comes from some internal need or trait, such as the need to organize or the love of complex rules.

A gifted child might also get impatient with the inability of the other children to keep up or to pay attention. Many gifted children also have a strong sense of right and wrong and believe that being treated as less than an adult is grossly unfair. Their frustration can lead to a number of behavior problems. They can get angry or rude, and even become bossy and demanding.

Why Gifted Children May Have Behavior Problems. I f your child is constantly bossing you and his siblings around, if he resists all your requests, if he doesn’t seem to have the ability to follow, it is because he is begging for you to let him lead.. When we call our children bossy, we do what we do each time we use an adjective to describe a human being: we diminish the entire experience of life into a single word that. One big reason why children are bossy is that they are simply mimicking behavior they see every day. Not to say that you rule your home with an iron fist barking out orders at every turn, but your preschooler knows that you tell people what to do (specifically him and his siblings) and wants in on the action.

All children need some control over their lives. Often, a child who is bossy to other children and even adults is in need of extra control over her life. Because she is unable to control certain life events she is reaching to regain control of other areas and people in her life.

The thing is, in my years of working with children and parents, I see the same mistakes made over and over again that actually lead to the problem getting worse, not better. Some of the mistakes I see parents making have to do with completely misunderstanding the nature of bossiness in kids and why they act that way. Yes, gifted children feel guilty about being gifted.

They recognize their own talents and may feel a yearning to give it back or share it with others in some manner. This might manifest in good social behavior where they help out others and contribute to causes, but when powered by guilt, they might go the extra mile and lead to being taken advantage of as well.

List of related literature:

Gifted children usually grow up in child-centred families where parents model hard work and high achievement, provide an intellectually and artistically stimulating environment, offer their children a high level of autonomy, but expect a high level of excellence from them.

“Positive Psychology: The Science of Happiness and Human Strengths” by Alan Carr
from Positive Psychology: The Science of Happiness and Human Strengths
by Alan Carr
Brunner-Routledge, 2004

Gifted children are sometimes singled out and provided extra attention by adults because of their strengths or talents, and this can lead to strained peer and sibling relationships.

“Parenthood in America: An Encyclopedia” by Lawrence Balter, Robert B. McCall
from Parenthood in America: An Encyclopedia
by Lawrence Balter, Robert B. McCall
ABC-CLIO, 2000

If, however, their giftedness is understood because they produce an identifiable product, such as learning how to read at an early age or achieving outstanding success in math, a different type of stress may occur— pressure from one’s parent’s or teachers to perform.

“Living with Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults” by Susan Daniels, Michael Marian Piechowski
from Living with Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults
by Susan Daniels, Michael Marian Piechowski
Great Potential Press, 2009

Gifted children are usually high achievers.

“21st Century Psychology: A Reference Handbook” by Stephen F. Davis, William Buskist, Erin Brooke Rasmussen, Steven Randall Lawyer
from 21st Century Psychology: A Reference Handbook
by Stephen F. Davis, William Buskist, et. al.
SAGE Publications, 2008

Gifted children are often precocious—they begin to master a subject area earlier than their peers, and their learning in that area is more effortless.

“Einstein Never Used Flash Cards: How Our Children Really LearnAnd Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less” by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Diane Eyer
from Einstein Never Used Flash Cards: How Our Children Really LearnAnd Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less
by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Diane Eyer
Rodale Books, 2003

By the nature of their giftedness, the range of tasks that are perceived as effortless is broader for gifted children.

“International Handbook of Giftedness and Talent” by K. A. Heller, F. J. Mönks, R. Subotnik, Robert J. Sternberg
from International Handbook of Giftedness and Talent
by K. A. Heller, F. J. Mönks, et. al.
Elsevier Science, 2000

The more gifted and exceptional among children are always more restrained, and if they are spirited, then they are always disposed toward leading the others and taking charge.

“Writer's Diary Volume 1: 1873-1876” by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Kenneth Lantz, Gary Saul Morson
from Writer’s Diary Volume 1: 1873-1876
by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Kenneth Lantz, Gary Saul Morson
Northwestern University Press, 1997

Giftedness may appear to some to be a “high-class problem”—a problem that any parent would be pleased to have—but parents of gifted children know that it is also exhausting, sometimes frightening, and always challenging.

“Some of My Best Friends are Books: Guiding Gifted Readers from Preschool to High School” by Judith Wynn Halsted
from Some of My Best Friends are Books: Guiding Gifted Readers from Preschool to High School
by Judith Wynn Halsted
Great Potential Press, 2009

Gifted children are often faced with a separate set of problems as well.

“Encyclopedia of Educational Leadership and Administration” by Fenwick W. English
from Encyclopedia of Educational Leadership and Administration
by Fenwick W. English
SAGE Publications, 2006

Gifted children are commonly pictured as academically successful, well behaved in class, a bit nerdy or bookish, well organized and easy to teach, natural learners who will succeed regardless of the level of instruction.

“Bright Not Broken: Gifted Kids, ADHD, and Autism” by Diane M. Kennedy, Rebecca S. Banks, Temple Grandin
from Bright Not Broken: Gifted Kids, ADHD, and Autism
by Diane M. Kennedy, Rebecca S. Banks, Temple Grandin
Wiley, 2011

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

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35 comments

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  • @iBradyniollie Gifted kids are not gifted because they practice.

    I never practice, I rarely spend longer than half an hour on my homework, and I’ve only recently started studying due to be being in a college level math class. The lowest grade I’d ever gotten before that was a 79, and everyone got bad grades for that test, so I’m considered lucky, and I’d say if the grades were higher on average, that would be in the high 90’s.

  • Yeah but musicians are more prone to the senses than one who is not…it’s about emotion…I know people who are very gifted but cannot dance let alone carry a tune…being a musician lets you be geared to emotion at higher levels than one who is not…There is this kid who sins opera and plays classical music on the piano…he is 12…he hates it and wants to play rock-pop…not many 12 years old who can do that on the spot..

  • I am also a gifted child that was once twice-exceptional because of the poison that I have ingested when I was a child from many toxic chemicals that I experienced during my early childhood in a developing country. Here’s the thing that so many people need to know about gifted children and the indigo children is that they are basically the same concept except one side is on the transpersonal level of psychology while the gifted children is more humanistic approach to psychology. The indigo children are a specific group of gifted children that have an ability that extends beyond the religious mindset. This is a shout-out to those who are supporters of gifted or star children.

  • misdiagnoses, or delayed diagnoses with or without the medication madness has destroyed lives. We were lucky that God intervened, and HEALED, removing the meds, and provided the way towards health. some ramifications still exist, and still battling for education, and complete health. Yet ultimately my twice exceptional kid will be a strong advocate and ambassador for JESUS, and all of his gifted-ness shall be used, with or without a free or appropriate education.

  • you do t tell them about Jesus.why don’t you stop analysing and trying to change live. o diagnosis doctors are not God unwuified people teachers doctors etc.read bible.yes.I never went saying I had pro lem.yes my son and I had that “no body understands me ” he said.
    well as parents we do t need your help as parents.start listening to parents you’d have less problems rather than seeing yourself in position of advising parents.some of us are not lazy parents they dont understand gifted children.I did they call themselves “experts” they dont want to listen to parents.dont need diagnosis.do they beleicee in Jesus.treat them why is gifted child a case for “treatment” its not disorder.you dont listen to naturally gifted parents.too slow too unchallenging is awfill.it damages peoples brains its neuro toxic.start respecting gifted pare ts don’t need qualification to be gifted you dont lime naturally able people because you are jealous want control and have to study.you dont think outside the box.

  • I was trilingual and several levels above math and even social studies by the time I hit 11. I was so so bored in School that I ended up being the class clown but one with a poignant and accurate sense of humor. By the time I was 13 I was not allowed in neither English nor French class I spoke better than the teachers and they couldn’t handle me so I played basketball with the jocks, smoked cigs with my bros and solved algorithms with the nerds I went in the language class only to take the tests which where a joke. The year was 1980 in Costa Rica in a fairly good Catholic School, good teachers in general and impeccable discipline and structure all boys, martial law basically. High School was boring except for the teachers that recognized my unusual multiple intelligence, the Social Studies and Math teachers. Thank god I had those people to guide me. Afterwards in College I used all those skills to drink like crazy and bond with my cohort of jocks & party boys, gone were the nerds, 6 1/2 years later I graduated a 4 year program. Eventually in Graduate School I finally was able to focus and study with good teachers and interesting topics I loved it graduated with honors etc. I never really had any formal training in English and a little bit of French until they kicked me out of the School at 12, long story. To the point of this video I am sure my development would’ve be so much smoother and made me a better and calmer person but they opted to throw me out of their classroom #incompetent at least they didn’t have Ritalin otherwise I would’ve been flying under the Cukoos nest. Eventually after years of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, meditation, nutrition, exercise and stress management I feel great at 51. It probably could’ve been much easier.

  • my parents still think i have ADD, depression, and anxiety. even though i haven’t shown signs of ADD since i was 12 and signs of depression or anxiety since freshman year of high school. even though my latest counselor debunked all of that, saying i have social-depression, an external environment problem not internal. My ADD symptoms came from something i do deal with constantly, my sensory processing disorder, and my anxiety came from that. and lastly they told me i was gifted. my parents cannot dissociate my external problems with my internal problems, everyone has failed me, and yet my mother still cannot understand why i have no motivation to do things in life. this is exactly the sort of thing that gives me depression. I’ve been told not to give up by my latest counselor, but i had already given up on my dreams, i used to want to be a scientist, someone who studied disease and viruses. but i want no part in that or anything for that matter. i don’t care how smart i am, or what i could bring to society. my family, my schools, AMERICA failed me. why would i want to be a part of a system that doesn’t listen to the idea’s of individuals anyway.

  • I was never tested but my parents thought I was slow or wasn’t trying hard enough. Now, I’m 35 with numerous diagnoses and most likely gifted and suicidal. Reaching out for help is pointless now.

  • My father didn’t talk until age 8. After the Army rejected him at the height of WW2, he joined the Air Force in ’48, and they assessed his IQ at 137. He says he stayed resentful towards his parents for the rest of his life for having raised him as retarded. But no doubt, he had problems. Still, those problems seem mild compared to mine. After a childhood of being unable to form words properly, followed by a lifetime of rejection and being dys-social and never knowing why, I finally self-diagnosed as 2e at the age of 58. Talk about an epiphany and a catharsis! If I wrote an autobiography, I would entitle it, “OK, I’m Ready to Begin My Life, Now”.

  • I have Aspergers and it was awkward watching the mother at the end cry about her child having it. What does she mean by “he’s not going to get better”. I don’t see any problem with my Aspergers, I can remember sights, sounds and textures very vividly.

  • Just maybe we shouldn’t put a label on a little kid that will impact the kid for the rest off his life that is based on how we think the mind works. The Dsm changes and changes and is based on the most modern believes from psychologist. How can we say to a kid your this and you need this medicine to be normal and fit in? Diagnoses can only be one thing bullshit based on pseudoscience until we can fully understand our minds and possibilities.
    For me alone we need 100 billion ancestors from the year 0 till the year 2019. (2019/40 average age is around 50) 1×2 2×2 4×2 8×2 16×2 etc. So if we took the total number off people that have ever lived all we do is filter the people with the same similarities and think that all off them are the same. We most accept that we are idiots and should not have a checklist and if you get a full card its bingo here is your diagnose. We should threat every kid with an open mind and only help if its beneficial to the kid. What we do is put them on medication and make zombies off them just because we want them to shut up. It’s insane the first 4 years the parents want you to talk/walk/play etc but, when your going to school the kids need to be silence and listen to the adults…..
    And we wonder why kids believe in Giants or denial off the holocaust when we wont accept a kid that thinks for himself.

  • In regard to believing in yourself.. If a child on this spectrum is taught critical thinking regarding response and reactivity… One can see improvement. It also has to do with positive reinforcement and how WE as parents react to and treat them… Another helpful tool for us is raising a thinking child workbook by Myrna b shure. It helps them to stop and critically respond to situations rather than react…

    I plan to include more on my channel with time. Stay tuned

  • This is a great video, spreading it around as much as I can…please also note that some of the stigmatized gifted kids get caught up in the “troubled teen industry” at some point…then things really get bad. See CAFETY.org for more info…I was one of those kids but fortunately was capable enough to run away…which led to all sorts of other issues.

  • Your glorification of “gifted” children is the product of your inability to do something meaningful with your life. So you fob off your failures on to people whom you place upon a higher pedestal, because why try when there’s someone more qualified, right?

  • I think people can have a stronger ability to do something, however I also believe that, even with a gifted person, if they have no passion or interest for it then, evidence has shown that their talent can be neglected to the point that they even lose their talent.

  • (sorry for my english, I’m french)what my psychologist didn’t hear it’s that I had and eating disorder and didn’t go to school for 2 years (just pass my exams) so because I didn’t eat enough, because of a depression and because I couldn’t concentrate and because I did the test at 8 am after a party I did a normal test (high average)… And I told that to my psychologist and it’s like she didn’t hear…So do the test when you want (my mom kind of force me) and when you feel you can handle it!

  • psychology is a fraud psychologists vote on diagnoses in the APA meetings in San Francisco here is my new disability Radice’s Syndrome (former teacher Debra Radice)
    symptonsinability to see other peoples’ perspectivesinability to see other peoples interests goals needs and rightsInvasive controlling behavior Inability to accept constructive criticism lack of humility

  • Thank you so much for this video! I will do my utmost through Minds That Soar, LLC to publicize your efforts to spread the word about the dangers of the misdiagnosis of our gifted children. I talk with so many parents who have experienced the misunderstanding and misdiagnosis of their gifted children. Your video will do much to educate teachers and families about the time,effort and money needed to meet the needs of every uniquely gifted child. May this video go viral!

  • How about you take certain known inflammatory foods or artificial ingredients (often banned in other countries) and see the hyperactivity and reactivity decrease in the “adhd” kids… They are all on a spectrum of sensitivity and I am interested in seeing how it is all related… With many psychological “disorders” included… How many of us just think differently, but are told we have a “disorder” and are fed things that our genetic predispositions are not wired to process? How many of these issues can be treated with the treatment of inflammatory issues, malabsorption and removal of environmental toxins? Naturopaths certified by the board of education are studying, postulating remedies and treating these “disorders” already. Look up Dr Matthew Baral and some others that have a professional education….And look up how these “diseases” we’re first classified in the dsm… The scans of the brains of people with these “disorders” are mutable… Consider other factors in environment/diet

  • My daughter at 10 is a leader and a excellent teacher with a heart of gold. Grandma has custody of her and has her on medications. for Defiant disorder, i am so upset i am unable to save my daughter. She is honor roll, Plays piano, violin, and many gifted talents, quilting, cooking, she is awesome. but she wants her way and no one can stop her. she hates how nobody will address her anymore, if she is upset teachers say to each other not her did she take her pill? that bothers her to feel so alienated.

  • Honestly I hate being “gifted”. None of my teachers think that it’s a learning disability and just tell me to do my work. No, I don’t want to, it’s boring and I want something different, just let me draw please.

  • Ok from the time my now 13 year old daughter could speak she was an obvious leader. She is also very very talented in Art. We took her to see the dr when she was in first grade because her behavior was not allowing her to learn. She was then put on medications for ADHD and they have helped tremendously! She is very gifted musically with instruments, with drawing, with science, and other subjects, so we had a “problem” child that went from one who couldn’t control her mind to one who is now in many extra curricular activities and is an honor roll student! So my question is, because my child is on ADHD medications and I think rightfully so and is better able to focus and excels does this mean she is not in fact gifted? I also have a 7 year old child who behaves just fine but excels at math, reading, art, and music, but the school no longer has the talented and gifted program (TAG) that my older daughter was once in. I feel like she is being held back from becoming her full potential.

  • Camille vous est les victim pour les sisteme educacion ent France? les programme des educaccion es tres horrible les maestres pense les personne que differnet sont “descapacite” les masetres pense les persones sont different es “descapcite” je me conaissance les masters loi international droits d l’homme humanitaire criminal refugee ent sept langues pour les es compulsive obessieve depressie bipolare JE NE TENE LES INVALIDES JE ME TRES INTELLIGENT

  • I was diagnosed as gifted in grade school..could read well beyond my years..did great in many subjects. My home environment was awful..l had a crazy father..and a mother who had little education…even now she shows her ignorance in certain things. Socially l did alright until high school…the breakup of my family…and my dad’s subsequent murder by a person he knew didn’t help. It affected me. I suffered rejection by my peers social isolation. I was bullied by so called normal kids..my being smart wasn’t cool anymore. I still had my intelligence…but l hid in the library to feel safe..l no longer went to class. I didnt care anymore. I didn’t fit in anywhere..l was sad..my mom remarried..l had a cruel stepfather who couldn’t wait to push me out in the streets..l was now failing in all my subjects..most of my teachers didn’t care. Now l hated school..but my mom made me go because she didn’t want me around the house. I got dumped in one of those backward classes until the teacher realized that l wasn’t dumb. He said l didnt belong with kids who would never be able to read beyond first grade level. I was transferred out..back to normal classes. They had a TAG class but ended because of budget cuts. In that class l woulda been with kids like me..smart and bored.probably woulda saved me. What now? So l had to go to summer adult education school to get my high school diploma. At least l did get one. Let me tell l tried so hard to make something out my life..l didnt have no one to believe in me. I got to do some things..l was in military for a while…it wasnt for me. I kept trying college. I wanted more than anything to be a lawyer. Didnt make it. Too old now. Yes I’m bitter. A smart child needs support..needs someone to believe in him or her..be protected from bullies..needs compassion..acceptance..then that child will succeed in life. Maybe my story will make someone see.

  • You need to read the book of the same name as the video. It’s informative and sensitively thought out. Very valuable for a parent to have.

  • I’m sleeping few hours in the last 2 nights because of the struggle in the school and with the teachers of my 11 years old gifted boy.

  • i was mentally raped by the school district it took me a long time to heal. i taught myself 9 languages, published 7 books, won the state of New Jersey in geography bee in 2004 and I am doing my masters now in international human rights law and going onto the International Criminal Court

  • These “gifted” children are not Born with a skill to become a great guitar player they are Great Because of endless hours of Practice..My Grandmother Played the Sitar as good as Ravish Shankar but its not like when i first picked up the guitar i was able to shred through the master of puppets solo or Finger Pick Through Fur Elise that came from Practice Every Day and Actually Wanting to learn everything i can about the Guitar.saying musicians are born with a talen is a slap in the face

  • There are no words. Thank you. It is so difficult as a parent to fight for a child you feel is potentially gifted without also feeling egotistical or narcissistic on their behalf (what parent doesn’t feel their child is amazing) but when it comes to medicating a child you feel needs understanding you need (as a parent) the back up and support of informative & professional judgement to fight misdiagnosis… no words. THANK YOU.

  • That annoying situation when your friend (who’s been a loser always, I’ve gotta tell you) gets a beautiful girl to fall in love with him in like 2 weeks? Yep, that just materialized. I believe I should be pleased for him however I would rather it to be me. He smiled as he told me he learned from the Cupid Love System (Google it). I want to hide out in a cave at this moment.

  • You will understand that aggravating moment when your good friend (who’s been a loser for a lifetime, by the way) gets an unbelievable girl to fall for him in, like 3 weeks?! God, that basically occured. I’m aware I should think well done, but I want it to be me. He stated he learned from the Cupid Love System (Google it). I wish to disappear in a cave right now…

  • @Carmin Roldan That is good that you have a gifted child and I personally supportive of the fact that you stand up for your son because I am personally am a gifted child myself also but the problem is that many professionals remain ignorant of my presence as a gifted child to the point they drugged me and forced me into a system that never worked.

  • @quickmantan Wheres your stuff.I would like to hear it..and I’ll see if you have talent..since I have come across a dime a dozen guitarists..from jazz to classical..to bolero..to salsa singers..a 12 year old kid who writes and sings opera..

  • That woman in 12:00 talked how her child never ever gets any better. But i was diagnosed with asperger as a teenager and i dont have a single “limited interest” or anything like that at all. I dont have obsessions with anything. And i can easily communicate with strangers without any trouble. So i was either misdiagnosed, or it can get better to a point you practically dont have any symptoms at all.

  • What you just said coming from a psychiatrist has ruined the lives of some the best people, and led me to hatred in my past. Being different is not an illness, get over yourself.