Why Shaming Your Children Is not Effective Discipline

 

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Why Shaming Your Kids Doesn’t Work Shaming kids is also dangerous because shame tends to be a feeling that sticks around, and it often lasts longer than you realize or intend. AAP research shows that yelling at or shaming children is minimally effective in the short-term and ineffective in the long-term. The organization states that doing so puts children at a higher.

Why it’s not OK to shame your children when they misbehave. Parental shaming appears to have taken on a new dimension in a troubling trend: parents shaming their kids, often by doing things such. A child who gets spanked for arguing with their sibling won’t learn how to get along better in the future. Effective discipline teaches a child new skills and builds their competency and confidence. Spanking degrades trust and self-confidence, while only teaching a child what not to do.

Shaming and humiliation cause fear in children. This fear does not go away when they grow up. It becomes a barrier for a healthy emotional life.

Punishment is effective only to the degree that the child experiences it as painful, so while parents may think they’re using “loving discipline” to teach their child, the child will never experience pain that is purposefully caused by the parent as loving. In fact, the child will always experience shame. Shame that they aren’t good enough. Shaming is not necessary to guide someone’s sense of what is acceptable behavior.

Acting with clear knowledge that a behavior is unacceptable is often accompanied by feelings of guilt. Pediatricians are a source of advice for parents and guardians concerning the management of child behavior, including discipline strategies that are used to teach appropriate behavior and protect their children and others from the adverse effects of challenging behavior. Aversive disciplinary strategies, including all forms of corporal punishment and yelling at or shaming children, are. The AAP policy statement, ” Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children,” highlights why it’s important to focus on teaching good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior. Research shows that spanking, slapping and other forms of physical punishment don’t work well to correct a.

Parenting is not a popularity contest. You need to be in control and you need to set some limits. Your child is not your partner or your peer.

Your role as parent is vital—you are in charge and your child is relying on you to lead the way. 2. Be Prepared. Know that some rude or disrespectful behavior is normal in adolescence, and be prepared.

List of related literature:

Since discipline does not reflect upon our children personally, it doesn’t undermine their self-worth and allows them to contemplate their behavior internally.

“Raising Children Who Think for Themselves” by Elisa Medhus M.D.
from Raising Children Who Think for Themselves
by Elisa Medhus M.D.
Atria Books/Beyond Words, 2011

Physical discipline has this effect, they argue, because parents who engage in this behavior inadvertently teach their children that aggression and coercion are legitimate approaches to solving problems, and corporal punishment fosters anger and generates opposition and defiance.

“21st Century Criminology: A Reference Handbook” by J. Mitchell Miller
from 21st Century Criminology: A Reference Handbook
by J. Mitchell Miller
SAGE Publications, 2009

This is ironic in that most parents who spank generally view willful disobedience as a behaviour that definitely needs spanking or physical punishment as correction.

“Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery” by Judy L Arnall
from Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
by Judy L Arnall
Professional Parenting Canada, 2012

Most parents are afraid to do so because (1) they think the media will make fun of them, (2) the child may believe that parents have no right to discipline children by applying corporal punishment, and (3) the parents themselves may believe that this old fashioned style of correcting a child is no longer in existence.

“In the Name of Education” by Jonas E. Alexis
from In the Name of Education
by Jonas E. Alexis
Xulon Press, 2007

Larzelere believes that parents need to be empowered with “milder, effective disciplinary tactics” incorporating limited spanking.

“Delinquency in Society” by Robert M. Regoli, John D. Hewitt, Matt DeLisi
from Delinquency in Society
by Robert M. Regoli, John D. Hewitt, Matt DeLisi
Jones & Bartlett Learning, LLC, 2009

Rather than risk the danger of such escalation, the most effective course of action by U.S. parents is to use alternative forms of discipline and control that are less arbitrary and coercive (e.g., monitoring, reasoning, or consistent rule enforcement).

“Handbook of Marriage and the Family” by Gary W. Peterson, Kevin R. Bush
from Handbook of Marriage and the Family
by Gary W. Peterson, Kevin R. Bush
Springer US, 2012

Parents frequently “give in” and resort to previous patterns of discipline.

“Maternal Child Nursing Care E-Book” by Shannon E. Perry, Marilyn J. Hockenberry, Kathryn Rhodes Alden, Deitra Leonard Lowdermilk, Mary Catherine Cashion, David Wilson
from Maternal Child Nursing Care E-Book
by Shannon E. Perry, Marilyn J. Hockenberry, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2017

Researchers also assure us that most parents don’t use a single discipline style across the board; they tend to respond differently to different kinds of misbehavior.2 But perhaps the more interesting question is how parents come to decide what constitutes “misbehavior” in the first place.

“Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason” by Alfie Kohn
from Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
by Alfie Kohn
Atria Books, 2006

Would the authoritative parenting style allow the use of spanking as a means of control?

“The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home” by Jack O. Balswick, Judith K. Balswick
from The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home
by Jack O. Balswick, Judith K. Balswick
Baker Publishing Group, 2007

Parents employed a wide range of disciplinary techniques, whipping was only one of the methods which they had at their disposal.

“Forgotten Children: Parent-Child Relations from 1500 to 1900” by Linda A. Pollock, Cambridge University Press
from Forgotten Children: Parent-Child Relations from 1500 to 1900
by Linda A. Pollock, Cambridge University Press
Cambridge University Press, 1983

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  • OMFG! I work at carrabba’s and we have a drink called the ” prickly pear margarita”!! My kids are 21,22,23 now, I’m 43 so it was so many learning lessons though out the years. I try to promote honest communication, emotional intelligence and Love.

  • My son is not so easy, he was absolutely not the guy you can apply any of this. If I give anything, he expects it, he gets lazier, if he gets things taken away, he is monsterous, and he has learned to avoid letting me parent him, he only gives me a happy side if he randomly wants to. I never spanked, since he was not out of line, he actually was so tricky he could ignore me and I was not willing to give him spankings, and if he was put in his room, he made his room fun. If he was mis behaving like went out of sight when we said stay here camping. I was worried he was dead, or abducted. When I went to the river at the bottom of a cliff, he was waist high in strong current with older kids fishing. He was so excited to be learning that, and I marched him up the cliff, explained he was not to leave like that, he didn’t listen, and it was wrong because one of us needs to be with him for his safety. I zipped him in a tent and stayed outside it, and packed up the campsite saying he was not staying and camping was ove, and he was 6. I don’t think he learned anything. He seems pathalogical. No shame and all bluster. He lives at another house whenever I say no. Just doesn’t come home. I am a sole parent. And had him on my own. He makes everything he wants to not do, something he can blame me for. He is gifted but always uses coersion and manipulation instead of honesty.
    He was so smart as a toddler, I feel like day care made him like this to get needs met. He went to 4 different day cares, and he started kindergarden already ahead of the class and dissapointed at how boring it was, he is so charming and sweet, but irrational, and his ideas were so far out that I couldn’t help with. He built two robots at 5 years old on the way home in the car, then combined them as soon as we got home. The instructions were in the box still. I feel bad for him because school has been negative and he has the highest test scores. He only liked AP physics at 15, and never studied but had the highest grade, biology too. I can’t figure out, do you force him to suffer or indulge him. There is no middle ground. Luckily he loves friends and has joined with some in a band to write music, and sing. And he rows on a huge team, that gave him direction, so now, he might row for Princeton or Yale, he became the fastest and is built for the sport, that too is an anomoly, because you can’t buy these attributes. Princeton’s coach has been pursuing him and that of all places has the best physics program for my son. Anyway its about you!! I listen to your videos, they help a lot, but nothing is quite explaining how to parent a kid like mine. And if it sounds over the top, if you look for my son’s name, some day, he’ll be a known figure in some out of the box accomplishment, or career, and those kind of people, I am positive, are breaking the mold. Like Elon Musk or Albert Einstein. Everyone else, falls into line with your teachings, lol! Hope he gets over my inadequate parenting skills someday, would be nice to have a relationshop, not required, just maybe fun is all.

  • The part you talked about the ziploc bag to use at church sounds good but I don’t think it will work for me. I have a 4.6 year old and a 2.6 year old child, they argue and doesn’t want to share. When we are in church, if the younger one sees me take something out of the bag, she will voice for it and that could be noisy. The older child gets angry and screamed when I took a toy out of the bag at home. There is not much I know to do with the younger child because she will just cry and scream if she can’t have her way. When you are in church you almost have to do what she wants or leave the building.

  • Read: Scientist in the Crib. Study brain physiology and neuropsychology. Heart and soul have very very little to do with learned behaviour, positive nor negative!
    If you want to learn more, we are quantum physics and quantum biology.
    The emotional drama was a good first step to catch the attention of some viewers; if a simple statement does not suffice:
    ‘Loving, caring parents that understand early childhood development will be a huge advantage for raising adults.’
    The emotion appeal is not required, and is part of the historical and hysterical problems we humans continue to create and propagate. History is populated with leaders that have used drama and emotion to destroy the lives of millions, even leaders with high IQs.

  • I have yet to deal with any curse words. I unfortunately curse a lot. Mainly out of frustration…especially when driving around people who refuse to follow the rules of the road. My son on the other hand has surprised me. Maybe it’s his intellect…see, I often make sure to remind him to NEVER repeat what I say and he once came at me with the response, “Why on Earth would I want to?” My behavior is obviously a turn off to him (and yes something I’m working on) and that utterly fascinates me! He is now 11, also watches YouTube videos of gamers as you mentioned, yet never repeats anything bad. I just hope his take on it being unnecessary continues for awhile longer!!

    Love your brilliance and enjoy your videos! Thank you for the advice in this video!!

  • If you do the token for positive reinforcements what do you do when your kid does the right thing but then before you can even say that your proud they ask for the token? Is it still okay to give it to them?

  • Hi Doc.. I wanted to thank you for being here as our family and a lifetime coach. my child has adhd. is this forever? do i need to follow his medications? we are struggling much about his behavior. i sent him to sped school to adjust his behaviors limitation. i need an advice from you Doctor Paul. i got sick for this.

  • I was like your boys when I was a teen in the early 70’s. With a mom like you Mayim I am sure your boys will turn out to be outstanding young men and you are raising young men who will be excellent husbands and fathers

  • all 3 boys teens at one time…husband deployed, i lost it with eldest and slapped his cheek…he was well over 6 foot, 150, i was maybe 5 foot 100 soaking wet…i hated myself for losing control. a few years later, at his usmc graduation on parents day i told him i really needed to apologize for slapping his face that day, that i was sorry and it was wrong… he gave me a deer in the headlight stare for a few seconds and said…its been twenty years now but like yesterday…..mama, i dont recall you ever slapping my face, but if you did i must have deserved it….. mamas give yourselves a break..we are all just winging it doing the best we can…

  • I think it’s ok to be a bit dramatic sometimes when it matters, but never cruel. Talking is always the foundation. Teach this to teacher’s in public schools who are mean, loud and obnoxious, just walk down the halls and you’ll see. Homeschooling is best. God bless America & the children who are the future.

  • As a 17 year old, that was parented in a similar way, I am so so grateful for it. I have a much better understanding of why my mum and dad say things and in tern have a better relationship with them. I feel like if I was ever spanked, or if they used demoralising behaviour I would have way less confidence in myself and less understanding. Also I probably wouldn’t trust them as much as I do. So as someone who has grown up with this type of thing good job. Coz it’s not easy to do long term, but so worth it.

  • This made me cry so hard… i had a moment like hers (no sleep/exhausted and angry)and it scared me and made me check my emotions first before i react to my sons behavior. This video was so nice to see❤️thank you.

  • positive consequence, i gave as if you complete your work,you will go to games/drawing period.,got a very good response. it is their favorite period.

  • I need more examples of giving choices for my toddler, age four…please. Thank you for all of your advise! It’s been very helpful!

  • un·de·sir·a·ble

    /ˌəndəˈzī(ə)rəb(ə)l/

    adjective

    not wanted or desirable because harmful, objectionable, or unpleasant.

    So there are words you shouldn’t use. Kids and adults should know this. It is a matter of respect. Sorry it hurt your feelings, get over it!

  • In India there’s a saying
    If you dont get punished by your parents for your mistakes..You will get punished by the society so harsh

  • Hi, I’m a mom in South Africa. I enjoy watching your videos. I just need help with a 3-4 year old very busy little chap. He is so strong willed that to my 9 year old it seems like I am letting him have his way because I keep saying oh for the sake of peace… ��

  • This video is helpful… I have patient problem with my child n I would love to know how to deal with her without yelling n spanking

  • Hey there v r parents from India n I found ur tips n tricks really interesting so will be posting my experience in this new journey n definitely for sure need ur help n support..thank you n take care.

  • Have so much to learn. Thank you for all of your hard work and wise words with light hearts. Love the fining. As our children are your we “fine” adults $.25 for their potty mouths in front of the kids (especially dad). The Moto is “if you are going to talk like that around my kids, you will at least help pay for their college.” Then we save the money. I don’t harshly enforce with our company, but I do make good on the promise with the kids. And potty language from the children will be equally fined and saved.
    Your tips are so helpful. Going to use the goodie bag at the park with Pokemon cards!
    Thank you.

  • Thanks so much for your videos, Dr. Paul. I am a Nanna and am hands-on caring for my three grandsons who are under ten. I care for them during the holidays, sick days and after school every day. You are coaching me to be a nanna of happy grandchildren by keeping a healthy perspective and enjoying the time with them which really flies by so quickly.

  • I think shes an intence person, ive seen my son and sometimes when asked straight up not to do something a few times he PAYS ZERO attention when I SHOUT! STOP NOW!!! He does just that. If he hadn’t had stopped the truck would have killed him. Shouting works sometimes theres a difference between negative abuse, and controlled attention gaining. My advice would be next time, leave the dog at the dog groomers.

  • Hi Dr., can you please talk about giving time out to children. Do you think it is a good idea or not to give time out to children

  • Thanks for your amazing videos and lessons. This is so helpful and concrete. I know this video is a year old but never late to say thanks.

  • Love that it comes down to our choice and our mindfulness and not living in denial. Beautiful story. Thanks for sharing it! It helps us all be better parents.

  • He may or may not be the smartest person on earth all we really know is that he tests out the best of anyone tested. There is no test a human being can create that can asses everything someone knows.

  • This is a very informative series of videos offering the best advice. It is geared for modern democratic parenting styles as opposed to the older style authoritarian style behaviour.

    Joseph: Child Psychotherapist and Behavioural Therapist ABA. UK and Mauritius

  • Excellent observation! just have a question. What if the student/kid won’t talk to us? I’m an English teacher, n there’s 1 student (4th grader)who soMetimes comes to class n just sits on his chair, doing nothing. whenasked to take out his books/pencils, etc, he just ignored any teacher who’s trying to help him and get him to speak. when i asked if he’s not feeling well or sleepy he just shook his head…….mayb u’ve got soMe great tips on how to deal with this kind of siruation? thanks for sharing ur valuable knowledge n xperiences. greetingz fromIndonesia!��������

  • This is great stuff. I have been holding off on a reward system because of Alfis Kohn’s “Unconditional Parenting” book because it advocates love and reason over reward and punishment.
    Would love to hear/see your feedback on his approach.

  • That seems challenging. In that hypothetical it seems like they may start expecting rewards for any little positive things they do and that could potentially be dangerous on several levels. Its difficult to sort out.

  • There is nothing more terrifying that my dad’s look of disappointment with the softly spoken line “It’s your life, I try to help you, but I won’t last you forever”…. god, as an adult that still makes me shiver.

  • Sir your vedios are really helpful, could you please add some vedios for toddlers of age 2.7 years who beats others for the sake of fun and gets angry when you do something they don’t like.

  • Not all his methods will work with all kids parents need to use the discipline that works for them and not what everybody else wants you to use

  • 8:14 But what if you’re not doing it out of anger, and you’re completely in control? Like if you’ve had time to cool down, and you were ready.

  • Ok so I have a problem please help me

    My 2 yr old son He has an obsession for balls �� ��⚽️ and behavior issues.

    He always wines and throws a tantrum (hitting things and me sometimes) When he doesn’t get his way.

    I don’t mind giving him balls and toys, however he gets so obsessed and always wants more. He seems never satisfied.

    I Ignore his bad behavior because it’s bad. However he then tries to do things such as climbing up the stairs, climbing up the table, trying to run in the street. etc to where I Have NO choice but to give him my attention in order for him to not get hurt obviously.

    I try to tell him I’m a soft voice all the time and acknowledge his feelings but I can’t stand this anymore. I don’t hit him or yell at him but i want to terminate this cycle before school starts and just in general for mine and his health.

    * and actually this behavior is not only with balls it’s also with TV shows and other things as well.. he gets very Obsessive

  • I also have a teen that understands desire = the ability to be controlled and understands ego and knows I cannot give or take away if he desires nothing. I learned this as a kid to that to be controlled requires desires. Lol how do I go around this. It’s a buhddist understanding to not desire to not be controlled. Lol

  • Sometimes if we don’t put fear in their head it’s possible they’ll do drugs drink excessively n get or get someone pregnant.
    Shucks they might do that stuff anyway but u will definitely be an angel on their shoulder. I was the I’m cool but I’m not your friend mom n my kids had a healthy respect for me but now things have changed. I got sick & I think it’s the culture with the technology (dummy missions). My kid was bullied in 7th & 9th grade. At 2 different schools and now as a 10th grader she is just X-Tra. I kinda wish I let her get her face stomped in by those upper classmen, I mean them girls really wanted to tare her apart that day. Snarling n everything. This chick my kid is not humble hope nobody slices up her pretty face. Guess I’ll just pray.

  • I’m hearing ya….I can totally relate to all you are saying.thank you for sharing your experiences in such an intelligent & honest way.( Ive only just discovered your channel few days ago,& I love everything I’ve viewed so far.i look forward to future vids).thank you.

  • I have a child with ADHD and ODD. I try to offer things like “If you do such and such we will get ice cream” and he (5 years old) normally responds, “I don’t want ice cream.” This is just one example. It almost seems impossible to give him any reward or take away anything without him saying “I don’t want (blank)” -especially when it comes to toys or his favorite TV show. I just don’t know what to do about this. I will try the baggie idea, that might hold weight if he can constantly see his goal. If you have any other videos that deal directly with this, please let me know. I have seen many of your ODD videos, but particularly looking for parent training.

  • Have you heard of Kevin and Perry?

    Watching Kevin who is 12 turn 13, it’s like watching a human turning into a Werewolf, it’s so funny!

  • “I have no doubt that every single one of you here who has children is a fantastic parent”… Lady, I think that might be a bit presumptuous. Maybe even alot. Maybe it’s even a terrible thing to say to a room full of thousands of people, hundreds of whom I have no doubt are horrendous parents.

  • Oh how I wish we were friends, Mayim. We could talk and save a fortune on therapy. My boys are 15 and 12 and I, too, use humor and respect to guide them on their path. THEIR path…not mine. They are wiser than me most times. I didn’t have my first until I was 39 (Tick…tick… TICK!!!) so I lived a lot and saw a lot. It’s a beast of a job but I love it. My kids are aMAZIng humans. We do our best. Stay strong, Mamma!�� We got this ����

  • Since “positive” and “negative” can be confusing, I recommend using “adding” and “removing”. It’s more straightforward to talk about an adding or removing punishment or an adding or removing reward. It doesn’t have the connotations of good and bad that positive and negative have. Thanks for the videos!

  • I felt this speech. Everytime my mum and stepdad fight I get blamed because I somehow ‘started the fight’ or ‘made it worse by being there’. It can never be their faults, it has to always be someone else’s

  • I am someone who was very abused as a kid and I am trying to raise a child(not mine, my little cousin), and I will definitely be trying some of these. Bc I know that hitting, screaming, and verbal abuse did not work on me, and I want to raise this kid right.

  • Do you think the clear plastic bag thing would work for a 3 1/2 year old? Or would that be expecting too much of someone that age?
    Also, what about people who say rewarding a kid for doing something good is bribery?
    I don’t necessarily agree with that, but just not sure how to feel.

  • This had me in tears but never did I have to scream or threaten violence to get my boys to straightened up. Yes I yelled but but never screamed like this at the top of my lungs. Heck that’s scary for me now. But I had no problems getting my boys to behave. Neither of my older sisters ever screamed at their kids like she had to. I’ve screamed at adults to shut up. We were taught the only time you scream is when the house is on fire. And I believe that is a good rule for every household.

  • I love my parents alot but when her yelling at her son reminded me of several moments of my parents giving a similar moments. When I didn’t study they always said they would send me to India where teacher hit their students. So I’m always scared of being close to a teacher. Whenever I am I’m always cautious to not trigger them. If I do trigger them I blame myself for the whole day or worse.

  • Hi Mayim, watch the Video from Mindvalley Talks “How Children become adults without limits/ Shelly Lefkoe” I am sure you will love her. Another great Woman who teaches parenting is Erika Elmuts. for example Youtube: Erika Elmuts “Why you should prioritze your relationship with your child over their behaviour” or ” Do you have a picky eater in your houshold? a conscious parenting approach Part 1″ and other videos.
    I have no kids, but I have no doubt that they are great. Then you want to have 20 kids, maybe.
    I wish you all the best

    I am pretty good in pretending to be normal.

  • One thing I see parents do, typically friends and family members, is say “No Thankyou!” When their child acts out or misbehaves, and it drives me bananas! No thankyou is used all the time in lue of actually correcting a behavior kindly and explaining to a child why they shouldnt do something. A friend was having a ton of issues with her son, and nearly at breaking point she asked me to come help her one afternoon. I immediately sat her down and said Look, can we try something today? Instead of just saying No Thankyou! get down on his level and explain to him why he shouldnt be doing whatever it is. Sure enough within minutes he became climbing up on something he shoulsnt have, I calmly got down and said hey buddy, you cant climb on this, it’s not built for climbing and you could fall and hurt yourself. Please dont climb on it again. He happy trotted off and his younger brother decided to try the same thing, only for little buddy to stop him and repeat almost word for word that it wasnt safe to climb, took him by the hand and sat down to play with him instead. Definitely a heartfelt moment and an eye opener for mom, parenting doesnt need to be yelling and constant punishment, gentle guidance, expecting kind behavior and following through is so much more effective <3

  • I just realized that Mayim, the person running this channel. Is the person who played Amy and Blossom. At first I kinda thought she was a well-known youtuber.

  • My kids learned to do the majority of those things at the AJCC Summer Camp! I was shocked and I was made to feel it was normal. I did not agree but we made some concessions

  • Girl, my partner and I are talking about trying to have kids soon and now I am remember they grow up into teenagers. Having second thoughts XD

  • please keep makign videos baout ur kids and family i love you guys and yall seem happy and healthy:) maybe have them teach you a game

  • Thank you. I really need help please help me I am having trouble with my out of control 12 year old grandson cussing at me the grandmother his aunt and mother and teachers at school..the problem is he learned it from his mother she respects nobody and does the same I cant get him understand it is wrong if she cant change her way of speaking too him and everyone else around her.. I feel its a losing battle and in the long run my grandson Tyler will have pay the consquences he already had bad anger issues and ADHD and PTSD any advice will be great. Thanks again Kathy

  • To preface my comment, my chosen career of almost 25 years has been in raising other people’s children, aged 9-18. I work in boarding schools, five schools so far. I’m a hybrid of parent and teacher. Now that you have my resume, you are SPOT ON. Abrasive parents raise abrasive children. Parents who work through consequences raise children who are willing to work through their conflicts. I am loving your content Dr. Bialik!

  • I grew up in a home of domestic violence and this talk really moved me. I know just how her child felt when she screamed at him. I’m 47 and the last time someone shouted aggressively at me (my older brother) I had to retreat to the bathroom to cry. It never leaves you. Thank you for posting this video

  • Important to note that the Keith Raniere that she mentions is a convicted felon and debunked leader of the nexium cult. That cult perpetuated extreme abuse in many forms.

  • With a negative punishmentpractically what do you say?? It might sound like a threatif you don’t lay down and stay in bed (which is hard for my little kid), I’ll take something away from you?

    I find it helpful when you give an example illustrating the words you might say to them.. Can you do that more often? it makes it more clear.

    Also, can you do a video on getting a TODDLER to stay in his bed that is a positive parenting method, I’m having such a hard timeunsure of what the words my kid needs to hear and then he looks so sad and looks almost hurt by my boundaries (

  • When I was a kid and my mum lost her temper and yelled at me, I didn’t get scared into silence but instead yelled back and went about breaking her little ornaments or throwing them in the bin to ‘punish’ her. I’m glad we get along much better as adults! �� Due to her learning to actually communicate the fact that she’s approaching losing her temper when I’m unknowingly annoying her, and me learning that she honestly can’t help being unpleasant when she reaches that point of stress.

    I’ve found the same thing myself, when I get extremely angry I become a different person and get this urge to wander about aimlessly and bite things until they break…like a bloody werewolf or something. I once accidentally destroyed a 3DS screen in this way, which just pissed me off even more. But I have found it much easier to avoid reaching this point of anger since entering my 20s and finding Jesus (and developing a crapton more empathising ability). �� My mum…still tries her best. I appreciate that yelling at your kids (or adults) isn’t the best way to deal with them, but it seems to me there are some people who will never be able to achieve that level of self-control in stressful situations, and it’s not their fault. I think I turned out okay anyways, and I try to be patient with my mum when she gets mad about stuff (even weird stuff like the shuffling sound of my slippers on the floor or me fidgeting too much while she’s talking to me. Also she doesn’t usually yell at full volume nowadays, it’s more like really unpleasant loud aggressive talking.)

    Definitely not planning on having kids myself though, I think they would absolutely break me no matter how much Jesus I have. ��

    Dang this is way longer than I thought it would be. Thank you for…reading my Ted comment? ��

  • i was wondering is there a thing like praising your child too much? i often say “well done” or “you did it! great!” when my 2 year old manages to pull on/off some of his clothes for example. and i found him praising me like “mama did it!” when i do some of the things that require more of the fine motor skills for him. you think this is ok or am i overdoing it?

  • This was powerful.
    I want to add on for everyone to consider that I think the first moment she misbehaved was when she rushed her kids from something they were enjoying innocently. She robbed them of all power without an explanation and just told them to shoosh. The root of her problem was not recognizing that she was being selfish.

  • If always rewarding the child ur going to run in to a wall when u have nothing to reward them. And ur teaching them to always expect a reward for everything. So respectably what do i do in that case?

  • You are a great mom! Very happy you finally took control over a screaming 3 year old!! You did NOT damage him, you disciplined him, thank God! Good for you! Congrats!

  • I mean what else can we do in those situations. The only way to stop a screaming child is to scream louder. You can’t gently tell him “honey, please stop” and they will obey.
    Unless parents scream at their children all the time, even for no reason. I don’t think getting mad at your kids when they badly behave is a harmful thing to do.

  • If you think these issues are “fun”, try talking to your pre-teen sons about masturbation and ‘where babies come from”. It made me wish that boys were smooth between their legs like Ken dolls. By the way, if your son goes into the military, just forget about the cursing thing. The Army taught my oldest words that had to be explained to me. He understands, though, that there are some colorful expressions I would prefer that he not use around his mother. We had a talk about this when he was home on leave and asked Mom to “please pass the f-king butter”, and she turned white as a sheet! Well, at least he said please…

  • I meannn this kinda yelling isn’t really the worse, I’m sure the child realised that you shouldn’t male mummy stressed when she needs to do something. I think denying your children of certain things in life have worse outcomes

  • I’m sorry but showing your child that everyone has a mental breaking point is not wrong, it’s human! I just can’t stand this soft approach. If your biggest fear in your child is now someone yelling or being upset with them, how are they going to cope in this world, where will be the resilience?

  • Bad behavior always has consequences at my home….I raised three amazing human beings…..but it starts very young….one you have to get your bluff in on them, praise them when they do well, and reward good behavior. But, bad habits and behavior, was never allowed in our home, without consequences…..my kids had plenty of friends, but only 2 parents! Kids learn by teaching, not absporption….but you must always keep authoritative control! But, also reward them with praise, hugs, and lots of love…..but if you dont start young, and are consistent, you lose control, and you may or may not, ever retain that control! My kids are all well educated, kind hearted, love others, and know foul language is not allowed in my home..,,and they are all in their 40s, 30s, and 20s…..we have a blast together, but in my home, my rules….not theirs….they make their own rules in their homes! And I never had to physically discipline them!

  • Sorry to my kids for yelling so many times and losing it when Iam emotionally drained! This was such an eye opening talk. Her enacting really made me see myself.

  • This woman admires Alison Mack and Keith Raniere the leaders of NVIMN cult. I hope she has had a change of opinion. I do agree with her sentiment but wow…

  • I trained my child, who is now 22 years old, still very young. It was hard, but growing up was easier. Everyone around us has decreed that he is an unusual boy. Very respectful. He is not a man without personality, he is really respectful and good. The secret? Skills formed at a young age. And I… I’m a teacher. My true profession, teacher in Romania.

  • You’re awesome. Not a mom yet but I sent these videos to my husband as we are planning and we just had a full discussion about this over lunch. Thanks!

  • Dr Paul, what in the situation if I want to give a fine for swearing to my child? Do I have to pay one dollar as well when I swear? I do this sometimes while driving a car or when I get really upset:/ or should I say that I can because I’m the mom?
    Thank you in advance! I really appreciate all of your advice.

  • I wish the Indian parents who want so much control over their kids by hook or by crook could understand this thing that even if u love your child, you have no right to hurt them because the child is another person with emotions and it hurts as much as it hurts you.

  • In my opinion cursing is okay as long as you’re not offending or hurting anyone with your words. So saying f… when you realise you did something stupid or hurt yourself is okay. Cursing at someone is never okay unless it’s your best friend and it’s very obvious that you’re joking.

  • If you feel the need to say, “This hurts me more than it hurts you”, then you should rethink your disciplinary choices. Great video!

  • I love this!! Especially about the food, we are currently (slowly) going vegan and my 6 year old is not loving it. He used to care so much about what was healthy and what wasn’t. Even telling me he only wanted one small Popsicle, when offered two, because they’re not healthy. Now… he cried last night because there was no meat in our dinner. I don’t even cook meat all that often, he is just realizing it now more so than before. When speaking with him last night about healthy food and not healthy food, he said he didn’t care. So I think fun food and growing food is awesome! He is tall for his age and talks often about growing as tall as his dad so I definitely think he will be receptive to that. Thanks for the video!

  • Nothing tops setting the right example. Speak to your children with the same tone that you use when you speak with people you hold in high esteem. No one deserves more respect than your children. Distraction also helps a lot.

  • Many common parenting techniques are simply short term survival strategies of desperate parents trying to cope with the here and now. Sometimes the old school way of discipline can do miracles.

  • Ugh this made me not want to yell at my son anymore. He’s been so difficult lately. He will be 3 in two months. He’s such a good boy most of the day but night time has been difficult and I just don’t know why. He knows he can get his way and ask us to come back in the room a million times for random things. I don’t think you damage your child by yelling at them a few times, but I don’t think parents should yell constantly. My son seems to listen when I yell but I don’t want him to only listen when I yell so I want to stop yelling and make him listen using another method. This made me upset so I will definitely change the way I discipline my son

  • So I like this channel and how much they care to help. A lot of good advice here. But be wary of using objects (material motivations) to teach behavioral patterns. There is a moral values to not hitting one’s disaster; if kids weigh basic decency against loss if “having things” they’re going to value ownership of objects over commitment to family and pro-social obligations. We are obliged not to hit each other. Hard to communicate in a culture that uses violence as entertainment, but it can be done.

  • You are one of those awfull mothers who do NOT know how to raise kids. To start with if your kids had been properly raised up they should have known that orders are not suggestions, so a order given my their mother has to be obbeyed. FULL STOP. And that starts by not asking “please, do what I am telling you to do”, but not accepting him to do anything different. To go on with if you had made him obbey you in all previous occasions, he would have obbeyed,

    If you do this properly a simple glance or short order would make him understand he can’t do anything but what you are telling him to do. BUT if he happens to disobbey when you are telling him you are in a trouble, you just smash his face and when he starts crying you tell him if he doesn’t stop crying he will get another snap on his face. And obviously punish him without watching TV for a week, because he placed his desire to watch TV over obbeying you.

    I’ve only had to smash once my son’s face and up to today I haven’t yet smashed my daugher, but I will do it if I have to. What I will never accept while they are living at home is to disobbey or talk in a bad way to me. Nowadays my son is 24, he is an engineer, he is polite and happy, has lots of friends and know how to behave properly. He also knows there are people, as police, bosses or parents whom you just obbey.

  • This is easy to do and hard to catch in the present. I think everyone does this I think we all should learn to worry less, because just think, you was hollering because YOU forgot the DOG (hes not worried cuz your late). this is why a family needs more time together also. if ya husband wasnt at work, not divorced, hopefully making enough for you to do these things with no stressed time limit lol

  • This is an old post I realize, not a parent, but will add….I think parents should also make it a point to find a way to discuss with their young children, not just teens, about sexual abuse. I’m not sure about many women in this comment section, but you have no idea how many women I’ve met who were molested or sexually abused by a parent, a family member, a neighbor or someone close to them they trusted, someone you’d never expect. (And yes, I look like a guy in my pic, but I’m a female!). I’m from a very small town, everyone knows everyone…& trust me, it happens everywhere. Parents assume they know the ppl around them, that they can trust their children around ppl & never suspect a thing, & that’s usually who’s doing it. And parents also assume their young child will run to them & tell or tell someone they know, but more often than not, their abuser will use fear to keep them from doing so. I was molested by a 12 yr old neighbor from the age of 6-8…an uncle during the same period & I’m 41 & to this very day, my parents still don’t know. So, please, whether boy or girl, uncomfortable or not, trust me, it’s never too early to warn your child of people who will do this. And trust me, things like this is what will cause someone down the road to have problems with drugs & alcohol, possibly have sex-related issues where they’re promiscuous, self-harm, have suicidal tendencies, depression, social anxiety, ptsd, and a plethora of other issues related from an experience like this (not speaking personally there, just pointing out things I’ve known others to have issues with bc of sexual assault). Hopefully I didn’t upset anyone by mentioning this….but it does need mentioning.

  • I get what you are saying Kim, however, where is the options? Most parents aren’t certain of how to choose an alternative.
    In your instance, there was no getting around the short time frame in which to transition your 3 year old from TV to Car. So the usual transitioning options were out of the window. So what then? What is the next option as you WILL have a screaming toddler (mine is like this often). How do you deal with this? What is plan B when Plan A of perfect transition is unavailable to us? I find it frustrating that you highlight this flaw without any recommendations on how to change it other than awareness.

  • Very hart felt speech. I am troubled though, cause she is mentioning Keith Raniere, whom I had never heard before, but researched because of wanting to be the best parent I can. Not sure Ted talks should be a platform for any promotion of a cult that has very worrisome technics to grow as an organisation.

  • Just bad presentation. And there are way better mentors. Books for example.
    And too much yelling and screaming. The ideas could’ve been passed on in a better way.

  • I like how she pointed out the mistake but offered little solution, that just as well may be the root of the problem,not being aware of an alternative solution when feeling overwhelmed?? “Hey you messed up your kids.., thank you for your time, goodnight”

  • Your sons are extremely blessed…you are very in-tune with your sons and you are very wise in how to parent well. God bless. ����

  • I was doing a lot of rewards based positive parenting but had to stop when 4 y.o. asked one day “What will I get?” to my request to have him help with something. I want my kids to help with things for more than greed/ego reasons. Ugh. Raising decent, competent, co-operative adults is so challenging!!!

  • This is the most helpful source due to my son who’s got diagnosed with ADHD AND ODD. And it’s so hard as a single parent and my son keeps acting up and screams idk if i can control him like i did before.my ex bf was the disciplinary and i was more of a soft side i feel like my son is like he is now because i wasn’t fair like my ex bf. I am reaching out for help for both of us.

  • Thank you for the tips Dr. Paul and Vicky. Both logical and easy to follow. Curious to see how it works when I have kids of my own:D

  • “Freedom lies in the capacity to pause between stimulus and response.” Beautiful quote! However, I don’t found myself have much capacity to pause. Just by knowing the quote and knowing I need to pause, I could not increase my capacity to pause; therefore, I am still not set free. Since she mentioned her spiritual leader, I just want to quote a verse in the Bible to express my experience on this matter. Romam 7:18 … I desire to do what is good, but I can not carry it out. I hope she could explain more. Did she really stopped screaming at her child after that incidence for the next 8 years? How did she do it? The hardest part is not that I don’t know what is right, but is that I can not do what is right.

  • I love the honesty in this. How many mothers would admit that they hurt their child?
    Stories heal and I think it is so important that we as parents are honest with ourselves and with each other. Because acknowledging that you made a mistake is the first step to resolving the issue and becoming a better parent.

  • Hello couples, putting things in the ZIPLOT bag can it be using candy? Or some type of sweet treat or does it have to be something they want?

  • So what do you do when your child (3 and 4) do not accomplish the task by choice, so they do not get ice cream, but now they are screaming and carrying on?

  • I am reading a book at this moment called ‘The Anatomy of Peace’ by The Arbinger Institute. I would suggest that anybody who finds this video, as I did, powerful and informative also read the book. It is really a mind blowing discovery about us as individuals, parents, businesses, countries etc…

  • You cannot have do overs if you could I would certainly stand in line for a hundred. However all you addressed was your bad behaviour. Children need to know that their parents wont ever leave them by the side of the road, but children also need to know that for their safety and well being they must stop and do as they are told. You dont have time or energy or focus (none of us does) to be completely safe on the road when a child is throwing a screaming fit the entire time. If you have the option transition the child to leave the house with a xantos gambit. This involves giving the child a series of choices which all lead to him getting dressed and quietly in his carseat. It might go like this would you like to put on your shoes now or two minutes from now. Would you like a small toy or book in the car. Would you like to hear one of 4 radio stations that your brother and I also like in the car on the way. Usually kids respond to this but if not then you pull over the car and tell the child that TV isnt going to happen for the next 48 hours if the screaming doesnt stop. Usually if nothing else works that will.

  • What happened to resilience? I mean, really. Good grief, she yelled at her son once when he was pitching a fit
    and he’s scarred for life? At that rate, I sure hope he never gets broken up with in high school. He’ll need therapy. And for petes sake don’t ever put him on a real sports team. Some coaches tend to raise their voice as motivation. I can’t imagine kids being too fragile to handle a raised voice unless they’re on the spectrum.

  • I have been watching your channel since my child was 2 and was becoming a handful. My husband doesn’t believe in any of this so it is kind of difficult to have no yelling from him. I recently started working with 1 year olds at a daycare and I am so excited to apply this at their level of course. But I am excited to see the results.

  • I know exactly how she felt. Have been working on correcting it too. She made me cry, because ive been there too…as im sure many parents have….

  • Dont listen to her. She has no idea to raise a kid. Read the bible, use a stick to discipline your kids, but not in anger. Until 12 years old. Discipline your kids.

  • Yelling is not the problem it’s you giving them an option to disobey the problem. Im over 6ft and 230lb and you would scare me if you got in my face. As adults in most aspects of life when you mess up or does something to harm you or others its met with a consequence not a hug and kiss. Basically parents yelling at their kids will never stop its to unnaturally can’t stop a range of emotions kids, baby’s, mamas, daddys, papa and nana can all get the smoke.

  • She seems quite sadistic.

    Sorry Lady. You are obvious unstable and using your extreme reaction as that’s how all parents will get angry at their kids.

  • Well first of all with that title I am not going to listen to this… so good job on that, and second of all it is no one’s fault it is a natural part of life.

  • Your tricks are great! They work best if trained from birth. How do you double back and break bad habits to get where you are now?

  • My 11 yr old grandchild yells, says get out of my room, keeps his room dirty, doesn’t study when he gets home, grades are falling beacuse he sleeps in class, up late playing game,no chores, eats unhealthy, immature for his age, no friends to play with, stays on game all day, mother response with calm voice, attempts to get control, passive. Help! I am trying to step back. Tried to get him involved but she will say he won’t do that. Father left the picture and has new family. Please help!

  • LOVEEEEEEE! Mom series. So inspirational, as a mommy of two is nice to hear stories from other mommys. Thank you for sharing Serina!

  • parenting these days is stupid and it will increase crime rate soon people have to discipline their kids a slap on the hand or yelling will not harm the kid but without it the kid is going to harm many people

  • Why not stop your boys from playing video games and being around people with trash mouths?! I purposefully cut out a friend of my life because in her household all you hear are bad words,to the point her 4 year old son started repeating it… I had to get out of that toxic environment and never regretted it!!

  • Thank you so much. I read about this suggestions on a book before and I’ve followed them with my daughter. This just makes me feel better since I’ve noticed other’s mom faces when I do that, like I am wron for not yellign at my kid in front of her because she hit her kid.

  • I only use natural consequences. Don’t use any punishments or positive reinforcements, only modelling, so if I want my kid to be polite, I am polite to them, etc. I decided to parent that way because of “punished by rewards” book. Are you familiar with it? Having said that, I only have 1 toddler so haven’t really had discipline issues so far. But I feel if you’re fair with your kids and are respectful from the very beginning, treating like a full human being and not train them like a puppy, you won’t need to do so much of the whole punishment/positive reinforcement thing.

  • Hi Dr Jenkins, thanks for your channel. What should I do with a kid that just gives up on the reward? Ie. he’ll have all his positive reinforcers removed before the end of the class. It has become so repetitive that he just gives up and continues his obnoxious behaviour every class.

  • your teen and tweens are so lucky to have a talented,beautiful,loving and a caring mother…..
    my parents never ever had satisfaction for whatever i do…they just need marks.. i have an eidetic and hyper memory…i love physics and i am very good at it…but i am not able to live how i want to cause i don’t care about parties,boyfriends and love… all that matters to me is my life which i cannot live…:(:(:(

  • What I’m most curious about is why you chose to use the elephant as the source of what is appropriate instead of using God as the standard? Is that just how life steered, as has happened to me?
    I used most or all of what you pointed out but I used God as the standard in most things…as I said, there were things that I had used other than God because life just happened that way.
    As a mom of 4 kids whose eldest child and youngest are 10 years apart, I find that freedom works best in a home where the parents lead by example. When our kids get to these testing ages we simply remind them that we want to live in a higher standard but know that it’s hard and grace is warranted. Basically, we don’t ask our kids to do things that we are doing and if we find that we are making that mistake we apologize and let them know that while we always strive towards a higher standard, we make mistakes just like them. Thanks for sharing!

  • Oh come on! What about real “prickly“ issues?: drugs, alcohol, pregnancies… thats what i am scared of. My boy is 8y so i’ve got +/7 years before these issues might come up. Yes, in austria 15year olds drink and may smoke pot and have sex… I really dont give a rats a** about swearing ��. Swearing is a normal way of expression in europe.

  • Dr Paul, All of your advice seems fantastic but when I apply it to my 2 year old, who is an extremely strong-willed child, it falls short. Have you done a video that could help me with her?

  • After watching this video, I sent it to my parents and thanked them with tears in my eyes because they brought up, me and my sister exactly this way, and I intend to do the same for my children, should I have any. To all the parents, please please take notes. My parents did this and trust me, the world for us is a lot different than it is for my friends who had super strict parents.

  • Thank U so much 4 this videos i’m from Costa Rica but i live in Argentina and been an foreign has been so hard and sad 4 me that even i have a very strong faith it affected me in my behavior, marriage and Kids, but this videos are amazing makes me feel good and now i put every advice in practice���� and i notice the difference.

  • The reality of parenthood is that your children will find out you are not perfect. However, if no abuse is involved, this will become a healthy expectation for themselves as future parents. They will fall short too and it’s our job as parents to teach the process of saying sorry, forgiveness and unconditional love. Children are incredibly forgiving, and although that shouldn’t be an excuse for poor behavior towards them, we must accept their forgiveness as a profound gift and forgive ourselves when we have fallen short.

  • These Ted talks are government run and those who go on are useful tools. You ppl are damaging your kids because you allow schools program them confuse them mentally harm them and you miss are no different I bet your happy to tell your child there’s 100 genders who’s a bad mother tell me. You don’t be angry when you rear them right my kids are darlings because I teach them morals and respect

  • I just got in trouble tonight and couldn’t go to sleep because I was angry and started watching videos about parenting to figure out what exactly she did and why and now I know ��. She gave me an essay to write about what helpfulness and gratefulness are and what they mean, which would be positive punishment, because I very much don’t want to write this essay. Unfortunately, she combined it with negative punishment because she gave it to me tonight and it has to be done by 10 tomorrow (I’m going somewhere) taking away my sleep so I can get up and write it, and I very much want my sleep.

  • Omg. We do the same thing. Keep things positive and they respond positively. When we give her just enough of a balance between junk, sass and swearing, our kid knows the difference between when it’s funny to give that swearing attitude and when not to. We gave up on the swearing, because if anything South Park made it funny. But it’s not allowed in certain company or situations. She is really good knowing the difference. We let her have some junk food, space to get snarky, and space to swear. My kid is always well liked and well behaved but my husband, especially and her let the manners go when they’re home. I roll my eyes and pretend to be shocked…I’m not. I’m glad she gets out her stress in a fun way bonding with dad. I don’t care if it’s not appropriate behavior, because if kids can’t get a little crazy at home they’ll do it out and it gets worse.

  • I never rolled my eyes or sassed my parents, as I knew what would happen. They think they raised a perfect, happy, well behaved woman. Your way is better.

  • On the topic of you calling the healthy foods body building foods & the junk food fun foods..I did that when my child was younger but then I realised it made her think that good food wasn’t fun.so I called it sometimes food&explained that there are certain foods that we need more of & other foods we need less of in order to stay healthy.i was concerned that by restricting certain foods she would be more inclined to wAnt them.so by putting it this way she knows that she can have them but not as much as others.its worked for the most part…but it gets tougher as they get older& make their own decisions.

  • It’s extremely difficult to be this open & honest about a “mommy melt down moment.” Thank you! I appreciate your message and your bravery.

  • Hello from Greece! My teenage daughter is angry and rude to us and to her sister. I tell her to speak with respect to us and to her sister as we speak to her with respect. She devalues me and keeps being rude and even slaming the door. That moment her father is upset, angry and tells me loudly “leave her to do whatever she wants to do”. What if your husband is not with you in this, sabotages all your efforts to control the teen and devalues all psychological approaches in parenting?

  • You’re a super great mom. Youre not crazy or else I must be the biggest lunatic. Okay after seeing this video I know you’re trust worthy.

    You will love asian decent kids lol.
    They are addicted to broccoli.

    Me: after teen age hits mom dad is there food? Idc what. just food.
    Mostly protein. Tofu? Thanks.

  • Why is it all about boys, boys, boys!!! There is literally nothing on the net about disciplining or helping parents with daughters. The first thing that pops up is how to discipline boys when you google ‘how to discipline kids’, its mind boggling. Everything is all about raising men and boys god damit!..yes I am frustrated, where the equality that everybody talks about. I have nothing against boys, but I need help with my daughter.

  • My 5 year old has developed a major case of anxiety after my wife and I have separated. It’s hard for him to hear “No” and when he does it’s an epic meltdown that usually takes hours to come down from. I feel so helpless. Thank you for a bit of hope with this video, definitely found a few highlights that I’m going to begin implementing immediately. Thank you dearly.

  • I got the belt as a kid and it didn’t damage me. I learned to respect authority. I also was taught to say please and thank you and excuse me. Proper etiquettcy

  • When i was little my mother secretly pinch me hard if I misbehaved at the church (or somewhere else).. and if i cry loud she will hardly spank me with hanger when we get home

  • Hey Doc, my father used spanking as a positive reinforcement method, and did a good job of controlling his emotions. My parents divorced at the time and I lived with my mother, so anytime I was out-of-line with my mom, I experienced spanking in a different way, where she would do it erratically and uncontrolled. It goes back to it being risky, but if you are able to control your emotions; do you think that it is something you would condone with your patients, if they decided to implement spanking? I look back now with a 2-year-old daughter, and want to make sure I consider spanking as a positive reinforcement technique with controlled emotions because it worked so well with me, despite getting a less effective experience with my mother. Overall, this video and others have definitely shed a lot of light of what I was not considering, so thank you!

  • With tears in my eyes, I am so glad I watched this. It is not too late to do it right.
    Thank you, Kim, for the message and the way you delivered it.

  • Very brave talk. Would have been useful if she had given some hints about how to replace the bad patterns.
    She could have, for instance, ran us through a hypothetical scenario where she has to pick up that dog, but this time she handles it “correctly”. How would she have gotten that kid into the car in a rush? etc.

  • I feel as though you’re forgetting an important element here, and that’s your ability as a parent to assert your role as the leader of the pack (I don’t want to say dominance because it sounds violent, and I don’t mean it that way at all). I don’t need to say anything for my son for him to understand he is being “prickly”. One look is enough… and that’s because he always knows my word is last and when I say it I mean it. You can “polite elephant” the situation all you want, if you don’t have the assertive tone and charisma, your child will look at you and go right back to the rude behaviour he exhibits. I’ve seen many parents fail at that over and over again. My son has “healthy food” and “unhealthy foods” he knows he needs to balance between the two. He also knows not to curse (even though I forget constantly)….

  • I’ve never once told my child to say please Or thank you like most parents do and to my surprise he is still very polite. The best way to raise a polite child is to set the example and be polite. I see so many parents who constantly tell there children to use there manners but they themselves hardly use them and that is why it is why they constantly have to remind there children to say please and thank you. I don’t understand why they even feel it’s so important to nag there child about manners when they don’t use them. Set the example. That’s all you have to do and it will come naturally. The same way that children learn to speak there native language. It comes naturally by listening to others talk.

  • I always listen to this video again and again every night as I go to sleep. (Your videos are in a playlist on repeat.) Just so it really stays in my subconscious mind. �� My baby is just turning six months tomorrow and as early as now, I want to be fully prepared in disciplining him the positive way.

  • Freedom is the capacity to pause between stimulus and response.. she’s blowing smoke, the greater your conviction
    of it, the more easily you are enslaved from within, the conscience bears witness, the defence mechanism justifies us, though sometimes there’s an offence mechanism, whereby one’s thoughts speak against them accusing them… Freedom is the ability to control one’s self from within.. If your spirit is dead you cannot afford to do so after all freedom comes at a price, it is never free

  • Mayim..you are AWESOME!! I wish I could have watched these videos when my children were young!!! You give great advice and the way you parent is phenomenal. Keep these vlogs coming because the more parents you reach the better their children will turn out..lol

  • Love the waiting room and special bag with their name on trick. I have put a clear box on the fridge with my kids name it it and every time they do a good deed I will put an extra one in but if they made a wrong turn I take something out. Hopefully next week they will have some treats for their half term holiday. I think it will work because it’s a very visual thing and they will see it every time they go to the fridge. Will let you know the outcome.

  • I have just found Your channel. I still don’t have children, because it is freaking me out, there doesn’t seem to be a “right” way to do it. But watching Your videos, makes me feel better equipped for the task of becoming and being a mother.
    Thank You for Your work and sharing Your knowledge!

  • You have boys. Guess what? You have no more autonomy. They are life consuming. Oh and spare the rod and spoil the child. You can not negotiate with children. You have to be firm with boys from the beginning. And yeah she is re-enacting a moment of lack of control over her kids and herself. Corporal punishment is the only way to be firm with the boy so they know that when you say no there will be swift judgment when disobey.

  • You are such a wonderful mom and are doing wonders for your little one by breaking generational
    parenting! It’s tough work but so needed in this world!
    I grew up very shy and anxious as well so know that pain too.

  • omg, you are a brilliant mom.
    I’m married and pretty much scared of having a child of my own. In my head, i was like “can i be a good example for them? would they be smart? would they be a psycho? i need to be a good example for them but look at me now”

    But when i see your video, you gave me practical tricks that can be applied directly like this one, (snap) just like that! change the way you speak about “bad food” into “fun food” that’s brilliant!
    Well, we are not pregnant right now, but i feel like i have found a way to raise my child in the future, i’m not affraid anymore. Thank you Mayim, i sure will watch you more. Miss you as Amy so much:)
    Love you

  • My oldest is seven and we’ve explained to him that cursing is using “grownup words” and that you need to be an adult to say those words. I barely cuss and my husband is the same way, but he does hear a word or two every so often from other sources.

  • So sad, I just checked into getting a parenting coach and they want $997.00 for 6 weeks of help. That is about $166 a week. ����

  • Amazing!!! Such a powerful story and an enlightened approach to parenting that I would love to see happen more and more in this world…bravo!! <3

  • This is simply phenomanal. So mind opening and useful. Thank you for uploading this and to you, the ted talk speaker, to sharing your wisdom.

  • I absolutely love that you recognize, respect, and embrace that your kids are their own people fully. I’ve seen so many parents view their kids as property and not people. Your kids are so lucky to have such an awesome mom, and I know they’ll understand that and be so grateful that you care about them as people. I also love that you understand that this is just part of their growth and development, and not take it personally when their in a bad mood, and react accordingly. Thank you for sharing how to raise really awesome people.

  • Your children’s independence: I don’t wanna eat brocoli!
    My independence: I don’t want any of you dealing with my medical care anymore… ever!

    Your children rudeness: weird teeny whiny stuff that teenagers do
    My rudeness: Mom, I’m scared of you

    Your children cursing: ***
    My cursing: FRICKING EGG YOLK!!!

  • Kim Constable mentions the importance of Keith Ranieri in her life and he is now incarcerated for human traffic-ing for his organization, NVXIM. Hope she didn’t fall prey to his brainwashing techniques of this cult.

  • I love the channel and my little one is 10 months old so I’m studying your lectures/videos here to help me. You’re basically identically in line with my Church teachings so this stuff resonates with me. I’m a stay home Dad so I need all the help I can get.:) My wife works for now and I am very glad to be blessed to be the able to stay home with little Eliot. I very much a scared of Day Cares since I want him to be raised by me and my wife.
    Thanks, you Two. You’re brilliant, nice, and funny. Thanks for helping all of us who are newer parents to succeed like you.
    I just joined this channel, but maybe I can catch up within six months.

  • Incredible point of views! I’ve been watching for hours and I’m blown away with the time and effort you are giving to help us better understand our little humans! It’s 2am where I am and my brain needs to rest haha! Thank you so much for making these videos I am so grateful to have found you!

  • I was looking up videos to help myself, my son, and my daughter in law, ( we all live together and I take care of my grandson while they are working) work together to try and understand my grandson’s defiance and lying constantly. (he is 7 1/2) While I really feel it is attention seeking, you can never be 100% sure. I am definitely guilty of the “ Why did you do that?” Or “Why did you lie about that?” So many descriptions and scenarios you have spoken about in the few videos I have watched so far have been so on point, it was as if you were talking about us. I am excited to share these videos with my children so we can learn about the best way to work together to relieve the tension and stress in ourselves as well as my grandson. I can’t wait to take these first steps moving forward towards a bright and cheerful future.Thank you so much for these fantastic videos!

  • How do you guide a child who screaming non stop for 40 minutes “I Want it”. Guidance isn’t going to work if she screaming thrashing about for that long in public.

  • I was waiting for her to get to the part where she tells us what she needed to do to get her kids to behave, but it never came. She tells you what not to do but she doesn’t tell you what TO do

  • Ok, I have just got to know about this channel, loved the girl and read the comment about M. starring in Blossom the series I loved as a teenager and cried when it was over�� and the big bang, which I haven’t seen but have heard of a lot. I am happy she is an admirable lady now ����‍♀️

  • When you have a woman in Congress publicly calling the President of the United States a “ motherf***er” and being applauded for the obscenity by the media and fellow Democrats, it’s quite impossible
    to tell a tween or teenager not to curse… watching PBS/ Jane Austen’s “Sanditon” shockingly reminds me of how coarse the discourse has become in our culture…gets worse every day….

  • Y.E.S. YES. It was NOT the kids fault that you did not manage your time properly.
    So: the kids should not cope with whatever we are throwing at them, just because they do not know how the world works OR just because they accept EVERYTHING we throw at them BECAUSE they love us UNCONDITIONALLY. FULL STOP.

  • 95% of this video is Self propmotion, over acting shouting but the key message was given 5% and that too nothing new.
    Don’t listen while you drive or anything it will give you stress

  • Ours (3 daughters) were great when they were younger After going out into the world we can’t control how they are I do tell my husband that when others say (your girls are so great), we used to look at each other and say (they don’t live with them) But now I say I guess that’s the way we wanted then to act to others, we just also wish we got that side too:'(