Whenever Your Child Thinks Something Is Unfair

 

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Try to show your child that hard work, practice, and effort lead to results and when things seem unfair, you are able to deal with it in a healthy manner. Allow Your Child to Feel Disappointed It’s important for kids to learn how to deal with uncomfortable. Whether your preschooler insists it’s not fair that Novak Djokovic has to leave the playground, or your 13-year-old thinks not being able to ban Roger Federer from tennis constitutes complete injustice, you’re likely to hear, “That’s not fair!” at least a few times during your parenting career. If your child is complaining about something being unfair, try talking through the situation with them and seeing if there is a way to repair things and find an equitable solution. No, you probably cannot get them back onto the volleyball team—which likely had less to do with unfairness and more to do with tryouts—but there are some situations in which you can brainstorm an equitable solution for.

Kids tend to see things as “unfair” if it’s not how they want them, rather than really a sense of fairness or justice. When my kids complain that something “Isn’t fair,” I just agree with them. I’ll say something like “nope, it’s not,” and then move on. Doesn’t mean I change my mind, but I don’t try to convince them that it is fair, either.

If your child feels something is unfair, someone else telling her it is fair won’t really change how she feels. So don’t argue with your child about it; just be clear. When a Child Thinks Life Is Unfair, Use Game Theory. As soon as Kristina Dooley’s 5-year-old triplets see an elevator, they race to be the one who gets there first. “When they get to the button.

If you have more than one child, you’ve heard this one (possibly on a loop). Whether a pony or a potato chip, if one child thinks another got something she didn’t, it’s not fair. School-aged kids zero in on fairness (or the lack of it) in minutiae. Lagacé-Séguin says, “Kids aged six to nine are very focused on rules. These behaviors are typically triggered by your child’s frustration, anger, and desire to get back at others when he thinks something is unfair.

I believe that these behaviors are found on a continuum that I call “inappropriate verbal response continuum.” The extreme end of the continuum is verbal abuse. 1. Try to become aware of what your brain is doing. When you feel something is unfair or disrespectful of your rights, catch yourself reacting in anger or frustration.

Then take a breath before. When you think of someone who’s immature, you might think of a young kid who uses manipulation to get their way. And yet, this is a trait you might notice with your mom, too.

List of related literature:

from the moment children start to play with brothers and sisters or friends they are aware of what is ‘fair’ or ‘unfair’.

“Teaching Children to Think” by Robert Fisher
from Teaching Children to Think
by Robert Fisher
Stanley Thornes, 2005

Being fair means establishing rules that make sense, that are appropriate to your child’s age, and that are flexible enough to change as your child matures.

“The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting” by Laurence D. Steinberg
from The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting
by Laurence D. Steinberg
Simon & Schuster, 2004

If one of our kids thinks it’s not fair because we can’t do everything on his agenda?

“What a Difference a Mom Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life” by Dr. Kevin Leman
from What a Difference a Mom Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son’s Life
by Dr. Kevin Leman
Baker Publishing Group, 2012

Help your child learn to be fair when resolving disputes.

“Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems” by Jerry Wyckoff, PhD, Barbara C. Unell
from Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems
by Jerry Wyckoff, PhD, Barbara C. Unell
Meadowbrook, 2010

Parents must be fair, and they should appear to be impartial when parenting; children recognize early when it is “not fair.”

“Encyclopedia of Sports Management and Marketing” by Linda E. Swayne, Mark Dodds
from Encyclopedia of Sports Management and Marketing
by Linda E. Swayne, Mark Dodds
SAGE Publications, 2011

Unfair is not a word that describes a feeling; it is a thought that expresses an evaluation.

“Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Cooperation” by Sura Hart, Victoria Kindle Hodson
from Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Cooperation
by Sura Hart, Victoria Kindle Hodson
PuddleDancer Press, 2006

Parenting isn’t “fair.”

“The Smart Stepdad: Steps to Help You Succeed” by Ron L. Deal
from The Smart Stepdad: Steps to Help You Succeed
by Ron L. Deal
Baker Publishing Group, 2011

If they decide it is unfair, they explain what makes it unfair and how the situation can be made fair.

“Mathematics Formative Assessment: 75 Practical Strategies for Linking Assessment, Instruction, and Learning” by Page Keeley, Cheryl Rose Tobey
from Mathematics Formative Assessment: 75 Practical Strategies for Linking Assessment, Instruction, and Learning
by Page Keeley, Cheryl Rose Tobey
SAGE Publications, 2011

‘What exactly is unfair?

“Snow Falling on Cedars” by David Guterson
from Snow Falling on Cedars
by David Guterson
Bloomsbury Publishing, 2009

What’s unfair?

“The Common Place of Law: Stories from Everyday Life” by Patricia Ewick, Susan S. Silbey
from The Common Place of Law: Stories from Everyday Life
by Patricia Ewick, Susan S. Silbey
University of Chicago Press, 1998

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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24 comments

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  • For some reason anyone who says they are good just doesn’t sit right with me. Perhaps the illusion of thinking you are good is arrogance in itself.

  • SubhanAllah amazing advice MashaAllah JazakAllah khairan brother May Allah bless and reward you and your family and make us the righteous parents.. Ameen♥️����

  • I have a straightforward question to you? Why innocent children are raped and killed? Few get justice n other criminal walk free
    Can u give me straightforward answer

  • I have had an argument with my father, where i punched on his face but firstly he started abusing me and started striking on my face. So i punched him on his face and he started crying.
    HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CRUEL TO US ALWAYS MAKING US FEEL INFERIOR AND ABUSING MY MOM SINCE THE TIME OF MARRIAGE.

  • friends its serious question: im suffered from somatization disorder, i know this condition is worse,, my father abusing me every time,,because im unable to work! at this moment its very diffcult work for me,, allah know this! im spent father shop around 7 years, now my condition worsening very difficult work,, he abusing me again again saying work.my shop or i will kick out from my home! previous years he beating with sticks also,, what to do my friends?? im done too much sabr for allah,, but its too much over help me

  • Today you made me fan of yourself Sadhguru! Just few days back I was seeing a video where you were not talking to the point of the question asked where I thought you just know to jumble our thoughts.
    The first line was always in my head and whenever I told this to other people they just ignored because people have blindfaith on their parents!

  • Preaching, giving advice is the best thing in India. People don’t necessarily need to fill their stomach by eating, they are happy hearing preachings from Prime minister to Sadhgurus. I have seen Sadhguru getting angry when student asks him some intolerant questions..

  • I am so sad because i love someone whos a convert muslim and have deen and iklass also different race of people and i told my parents i want to marry him and they didnt agree because he is from a different race.. Help me ����

  • I disagree. There are bad people. What about all those celebs and higher ups in the phedophile ring? That rape innocent babies and children! Or killers? There are miserable people yeah and there are joyful people but once that miserable person does something to a child or murders someone then they straight bad.

  • Yeah,,,,,, in my life experience thinking and growing up with guilt thinking that my mother was my responsibility, guilt trips, you became the slave of Their thoughts, power, you will never be able to archiving nothing that they don’t have an approval on, EVEN IN LOVE THEY CAN CONTROL… No �� it’s wrong in their time they live their live, their own experiences,,,,, happiness etc

  • School of East and school of West that is mindfulness and physical sciences can take you to the frontiers of realities….but to get one theory explaining all you need 3rd school….school of revelation…..so study all 3 schools….mind…..matter and soul…..aka..east…..West and center….

  • so if there are no good or bad people, doesn’t that mean there are no horrible or ideal people? people are between the two all the time, I get that, but what about rapists, abusers, active pedophiles and predators, pointless and senseless murderers? are they neither good or bad? there are some things that are inherently and objectively good and bad. abusing another person or animal is bad. drinking water or giving food to a homeless person is good.I’ve finally

    Ito continue discussions by adding my perspective. I completely agree with saying yes to life, saying yes to whatever circumstances life gives you. you’ll have to deal with people doing horrible things no matter what, so you might as well learn to deal with it in the best way possible.

  • Indian parents 100% sucks! Period! They don’t even have the capacity to agree to this!

    They will be like “ I am your mother/father, I know best”

  • Why is he advising the World Economic Forum, the very body implementing the new world order and this plandemic? Same as the Psychs advising them so they know how to manipulate and control the masses to implement their agendas. WAKE UP!

  • Just because a person is good doesn’t mean he has no ego. There is healthy ego and destructive ego. Healthy ego builds confidence and self-esteem. Destructive ego build hubris and arrogance. Good people have healthy egos which make them strong.

  • Laugh and keep doing what you’re doing. Unless you’re like…idk twerking in a club, fighting around the kids, and other types of hazardous crap.

  • My parents (Mom in particular) doesn’t contemplate how i feel, and how my mind and body works. Things change over time, so you change your parenting style over time. My dad is the better of the two parents because he’s more laid back, so there’s even more respect to him. Another thing kids and parents are equal in this day and age. Don’t treat them badly, or not consider their opinion in matters just because they’re young, kids learn more and more everyday, and they go to school 10 out of the 12 months of the year, so they’re bound to know something you don’t, so you learn from them, and they learn from you. Don’t “discipline” your kids over some little petty ��. Make sure it’s something actually worth the corporal punishment, otherwise just tell them why it’s wrong, and them have them fix it right after. Let your kids question you on how you do things, and don’t beat them just because of it. Always have a good reason for anything you do(Corporal punishment, dont just do it as the opening punishment that’s like a strike 3 or 4) because they’re ALWAYS listening or watching.

  • I sometimes wish my mother would just listen to me. I don’t hate her,I love her more than life and acknowledge the hard work she does for me. But she needs to understand that, if she’s frustrated with something,it’s not my fault. My mother just hit me (I’m freaking 14) ishouted and cried and tried to lock myslef in the room, she hit me again and even pulled my hair at one point. And all becasue she asked me to make tea I was like “uhhh…(just cuz I was tired and didn’t want to) I didn’t shout at her, didn’t misbehave, didn’t say I’m not going to make it,didn’t it loudly, didn’t scream at her face. And I even proceeded to say “ok mom I’ll make it” cuz I know she was tired. Until she interrupted me and started scolding me and suddenly got so mad. It’s bee hours since it happened and I still can’t get that out of my head. My brother gave a me a full fledge lecture angrily, even though I was the one getting beaten my ass up. And im telling you whenever I tried to speak up or prove my point my mother would be like “don’t talk back..” WTF???!!!!!! Parents have no logic. After they are done scolding me, all I’m thinking is “when’s my turn to speak? Why don’t I ever get a chance to justify MYSELF?”

  • If your child thinks your a bad parent, you’re probably doing a good job.
    Why would you care if your child thinks you’re a bad parent anyway? Children should be seen and not heard.

  • For a heart stained in anger grows weak and grows bitter. You become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there wrapped up in a trap of your very own Chain of Sorrow. John Prine

  • Wait, I’m suppose to give a shit what my kid thinks? Look, as long as they’re fed and clothed and healthy they’re doing fine. Stop coddling your children because you’re raising an entire generation of narcissists and sociopaths.

  • Why do good people don’t get anything?i always try to make people happy,don’t make fun of anyone at their backs(as people usually do),never try to hurt someone,always try to help people,never make fun on the basis of their physical appearance or something,respect everyone why i don’t get the same thing? People make fun of me why so?i never did but why they?they don’t respect me,ever appreciate,ever love me,hurted me many times..it’s like i never get anything in my life i wanted eg,i loved someone so much,was always their for him,took care of him,never try to change him,appreciate him but then suddenly one girl come to his life nd took him away from me��why so?did i done something wrong in my past life?or maybe i should just die cause this place is not for me i guess��

  • my father always wanted me to be doctor,from 1 class to 8th class i was beat like wall by my father for not scoring more in exams than my cousin who always stood first in my class in 9th class i worked day and night,when my friends are having good time with their girlfriends i will be studying hard and luckily my cousin became a part of bad company and i got more marks than him i was awarded by my parents

    but then my father friend’s son score more marks than me he start beating me again but this time emotionally i was studying biology then i dropped it because i said to my father i dont want to become a doctor you never treated me like a child but a horse in a race
    now i have only 1 year left after graduating as an engineer,

    my question is can i leave my parents after 1 year at the same time i dont want to make Allah angry on me but my parents because i didnt become a doctor they have emotionally disturbed me alot from the last 5 years i am just maintaining a fake relationship as they provide me with food and shelter

    the best part is they want me to be like my younger brother who never been to college and my parents never questioned him in return he respects my parent like a child you will never saw whereas I am just faking it