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Try to show your child that hard work, practice, and effort lead to results and when things seem unfair, you are able to deal with it in a healthy manner. Allow Your Child to Feel Disappointed It’s important for kids to learn how to deal with uncomfortable. Whether your preschooler insists it’s not fair that Novak Djokovic has to leave the playground, or your 13-year-old thinks not being able to ban Roger Federer from tennis constitutes complete injustice, you’re likely to hear, “That’s not fair!” at least a few times during your parenting career. If your child is complaining about something being unfair, try talking through the situation with them and seeing if there is a way to repair things and find an equitable solution. No, you probably cannot get them back onto the volleyball team—which likely had less to do with unfairness and more to do with tryouts—but there are some situations in which you can brainstorm an equitable solution for.
Kids tend to see things as “unfair” if it’s not how they want them, rather than really a sense of fairness or justice. When my kids complain that something “Isn’t fair,” I just agree with them. I’ll say something like “nope, it’s not,” and then move on. Doesn’t mean I change my mind, but I don’t try to convince them that it is fair, either.
If your child feels something is unfair, someone else telling her it is fair won’t really change how she feels. So don’t argue with your child about it; just be clear. When a Child Thinks Life Is Unfair, Use Game Theory. As soon as Kristina Dooley’s 5-year-old triplets see an elevator, they race to be the one who gets there first. “When they get to the button.
If you have more than one child, you’ve heard this one (possibly on a loop). Whether a pony or a potato chip, if one child thinks another got something she didn’t, it’s not fair. School-aged kids zero in on fairness (or the lack of it) in minutiae. Lagacé-Séguin says, “Kids aged six to nine are very focused on rules. These behaviors are typically triggered by your child’s frustration, anger, and desire to get back at others when he thinks something is unfair.
I believe that these behaviors are found on a continuum that I call “inappropriate verbal response continuum.” The extreme end of the continuum is verbal abuse. 1. Try to become aware of what your brain is doing. When you feel something is unfair or disrespectful of your rights, catch yourself reacting in anger or frustration.
Then take a breath before. When you think of someone who’s immature, you might think of a young kid who uses manipulation to get their way. And yet, this is a trait you might notice with your mom, too.
List of related literature:
|from the moment children start to play with brothers and sisters or friends they are aware of what is ‘fair’ or ‘unfair’.|
|from Teaching Children to Think|
|from The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting|
|from What a Difference a Mom Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son’s Life|
|from Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems|
|from Encyclopedia of Sports Management and Marketing|
|from Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Cooperation|
|from The Smart Stepdad: Steps to Help You Succeed|
|from Mathematics Formative Assessment: 75 Practical Strategies for Linking Assessment, Instruction, and Learning|
|from Snow Falling on Cedars|
|from The Common Place of Law: Stories from Everyday Life|