Whenever Your Child Shows Parental Favoritism

 

PARENTAL FAVORITISM HURTS PART 1 (PARENTS BEWARE)

Video taken from the channel: Real Talk with Georgette


 

Mom’s favoritism for daughter upsets dad

Video taken from the channel: HLN


 

Teen Claims Parents’ ‘Favoritism’ Fuels His Violent Outbursts

Video taken from the channel: Dr. Phil


 

The Parental Curse of a Favorite Child

Video taken from the channel: Dr. Fred Ray Lybrand


 

When Your Parent Prefers Your Sibling | Corrina Gordon-Barnes

Video taken from the channel: Corrina Gordon-Barnes


 

A Selecta Film: Mommy and Daddy’s Favorite [ENG]

Video taken from the channel: Selecta Philippines


 

Favourite Child A Short Film

Video taken from the channel: Joe Searle


On the bright side, favoritism shows that your child feels very close to the preferred parent. Likely, they have developed a secure attachment. Favoritism also indicates that they are maturing and able to think beyond their immediate needs.

Additionally, they probably really enjoy their one-on-one time and want to make sure it continues. A large proportion of parents consistently favor one child over another. This favoritism can manifest in different ways: more time spent with one child, more affection given, more privileges, less. How favoritism hurts “The unfavored child can feel defeated, and unmotivated, as a result of working hard to get parental affirmation and support, with no success,” says Yelena Gidenko, PhD, LPC, a.

How to Deal With Parental Favoritism as an Adult Child. Behaviors that indicate inequality among children such as unconditional approval, leniency, privileges and affection tend to breed resentment and rivalries. When accompanying animosity and feelings of rejection linger into adulthood, they can lead to depression, low self-esteem and dysfunctional relationships.

Also talk to your partner about how you want to deal with your child’s favoritism. Doing this will help you steer clear of hurt feelings. Originally published in the May 2010 issue of Parents. When favoritism is rotated from child to child, it is likely that no family member will be marred.

Children know they will have their turn to be favored, that the privilege of the position is to be shared. Children acknowledge parents’ closer ties with siblings at given ages, maybe one parent favors toddlers while another favors adolescents. Favoritism is normal but abuse is not. Mothers and fathers commonly prefer one child to another for many conscious and unconscious reasons.

Sometimes, the. In fact, when your child plays favorites, it’s a sign that he feels close to you. “He’s secure enough in your love to know that he can jilt you and still get a warm welcome back,” explains Krista. Answer: Favoritism is partiality or bias.

To show favoritism is to give preference to one person over others with equal claims. It is similar to discrimination and may be based on conditions such as social class, wealth, clothing, actions, etc. The Bible is clear that favoritism is not God’s will for our lives.

You need to use your own words but the main thing is to let her see that you are hurt but not angry or condemning of her. People respond much better if they aren’t put on the defensive. Some of you may not be able to talk reasonably with a parent, especially about favoritism, without them becoming angry or refusing to listen.

List of related literature:

The parents who help their five-year-old become the master of his jealous feelings (interceding, for example, in his overly aggressive play with his baby sister), and the parents who call their fourteen-year-old to account when she breaks curfew on a Saturday night, are both involved in limit setting.

“The Evolving Self” by Robert KEGAN
from The Evolving Self
by Robert KEGAN
Harvard University Press, 1982

Almost always, the sibling agrees that the parent has taken care of it.

“Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents” by Deborah D. Gray
from Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents
by Deborah D. Gray
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2012

The best course of action for parents and other adults is to avoid favoritism, meet each child’s needs as an individual, and set clear, consistent family rules about which aggressive acts are not permitted.

“Encyclopedia of Family Health” by Martha Craft-Rosenberg, Shelley-Rae Pehler
from Encyclopedia of Family Health
by Martha Craft-Rosenberg, Shelley-Rae Pehler
SAGE Publications, 2011

Overprotection almost always leads to some degree of favoritism, particularly if the child seems willing to accept the central position thrust upon him.

“Family Medicine: Principles and Practice” by J. L. Buckingham, E. P. Donatelle, W. E. Jacott, M. G. Rosen, Robert B. Taylor
from Family Medicine: Principles and Practice
by J. L. Buckingham, E. P. Donatelle, et. al.
Springer New York, 2013

Most parents claim that they treat their children fairly and without favoritism, but research on siblings

“Child Psychology and Development For Dummies” by Laura L. Smith, Charles H. Elliott
from Child Psychology and Development For Dummies
by Laura L. Smith, Charles H. Elliott
Wiley, 2011

The youngest sibling does best when others look out for him or her, and it is not as natural for him or her to assume leadership or to accept responsibility as it is for the eldest sibling.

“Family Therapy: Models and Techniques” by Janice M. Rasheed, Mikal Nazir Rasheed, Mikal N. Rasheed, James A. Marley
from Family Therapy: Models and Techniques
by Janice M. Rasheed, Mikal Nazir Rasheed, et. al.
SAGE Publications, 2010

Negotiating with parents is stronger when siblings act together rather than singly.

“Maternal Child Nursing Care in Canada E-Book” by Shannon E. Perry, Marilyn J. Hockenberry, Deitra Leonard Lowdermilk, Lisa Keenan-Lindsay, David Wilson, Cheryl A. Sams
from Maternal Child Nursing Care in Canada E-Book
by Shannon E. Perry, Marilyn J. Hockenberry, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2016

The middle child needs those moments when you ask for his opinion or allow him to make choices.

“The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are” by Kevin Leman
from The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are
by Kevin Leman
Baker Publishing Group, 2009

When my older (by two years) sister was old enough to babysit and house sit, I grew to resent her, as she tried to be my “mom” (and you know how bossy teen girls can be to their younger brothers under “normal” circumstances!).

“Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives” by Laura Schlessinger
from Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives
by Laura Schlessinger
HarperCollins, 1998

Children with damaged siblings who are designated the bearers of their parents’ destinies experience more pressure than other children because the demands placed on them are double—they must simultaneously fulfill parental aspirations and compensate for their siblings failure to do so.

“The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or Damaged Sibling” by Jeanne Safer
from The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or Damaged Sibling
by Jeanne Safer
Free Press, 2002

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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47 comments

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  • In my family it’s very obvious as my brother is preferred over a us (me and my sisters) during meals my mother serves food to my brother and we are expected to do our own things ( that’s completely okay only if we are treated equally) we (girl Child) are expected to serve food to our brothers and fathers, we’re expected to clean house and dishes while all the male members (BOYS) are chilling, we are expected to wash their clothes, we are expected to help them with their homework and we are expected to iron their shirts and many more and WE ARE EXPECTED TO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT GENDER INEQUALITY ��
    MERA BHARAT MAHAN
    Btw I’m Indian GIRL (LADKI)
    I wanna say more but my mom is here and she’s scolding me because she thinks I’m jealous of brother and father
    Also I’m misleading my younger sister to hate them as i’m teaching my younger sister about gender inequality.

  • I heard of parents who are hard on their kid’s appearance for resembling them.
    Also not here for anyone who defends favoritism, I know where you are.

  • My parents prefer my sister that is three years younger than me it is frustrating to know you are not the favorite

    like if you can relate

  • The favorite child may become narcisstic & think they are above the rules & that anyone who gets in their way is a bad “nonperson”. The unfavored is setup for low self esteem & depression.

  • Im the least favorite child while my brother gets a new iphone and new clothes and stuff and i still have the same clothes and doesn’t get attention

  • It has destroyed my childhood and my life. I don’t have a relationship with my parents and my brother who is the favourite.

    I have a resentment towards my brother and my parents

  • My dad traveled for months at time overseas with Mobil oil. My mom favors my youngest sister. She abuse me physically and mentally and spoiled my sister. I was so depressed at 12 I try to kill myself. My dad stopped me. I was sent to my grandmother for the summer. Now at age 50 my mom giving me and my sons nothing and my sister and her sons everything. I cut my sister off 5 years ago and now my mom. They are in God hands.

  • it’s been obvious so i really don’t care but yeah i just wanted to confirm it. Don’t care what your parents think about you guys. They are people you didn’t even choose to surround yourself with so you it really doesn’t matter what they think of you. They provide you shelter, so just take advantage of it and leave as soon as you can make do for yourself lol. Don’t feel so down:) (The reason i’m here is because is i hate that little punk they call my sibling.)

  • Both my parents love my brother more than me. I’ve spoken to them about this but they do not care. They blame me more for saying that. But I’ve always been abandoned and left out. I don get good things like my brother. I am so angry at my parents I curse them. Moving to peace seems the solution but it isn’t simple when You’ve had this your life.

  • If my mom thought anybody had favoritism over one kid she would fight them though I know someone who had favoritism over my little sister and this other kid (we were in foster care) and she was able to get away with murder over there but the other kid didn’t we felt so bad we wanted to adopt him but my mom got our sister back she used to be bad but my mom is strict so ye

  • My mom loves my younger brother so, so much more. Same with my dad. He’s the youngest, there’s three of us. He is such a complete asshole to everyone and he never gets punished. I try my hardest to make my mom love me and yet I never can accomplish it. My nan and aunt have always said the way she treats me compared to him is wrong and unfair. I just want to be loved the same.

  • I remember going into my room and crying in there for hours almost everyday because of my family. I was a middle child out of 3. I feel like the youngest is always favorite. It was never me, in school, in my family, nothing. One time my younger brother kicked me. My mom saw. Once I kicked him back, I got in trouble. She never apologized. That was when I was maybe 7. Another time of blatant favoritism I experienced was, my younger brother bought some things online. He had no punishment. I remember telling my parents that was unfair. If I ever did that I’d be dead. But I got sent to my room. Things that annoyed me were invalid, yet things that annoyed my older sister or younger brother was anarchy.

  • My parents favored my younger sister and when others found there way of escapeing i found a girl and she sees how in fair they are and she is my escape i love her and my parents see that and try and say she is trying to keep me away from them but i am keeping away from them they dont understand that

  • im a good kid and i do what im suppose to my brother has ruined my life yet my mother decides to keep letting him back in yesterday was my fucking birthday he overdosed after my party went to the hospital and came back the next day digging threw the trash lookin for his weed which is illegal in my state and then he gets treated so much better than me from my mom then he goes and overdoses again a week later and im left there alone doing nothing and me and my dad get yelled at when we even mention him getting out of the house hes been doing this for about like 14 years btw

  • The amount of energy I take every day to think of an intersting subject to talk to my dad so that he would be a little bit interested in what I say is absurd… He’s a very intellectual doctor that read book like all the time.. And I’ve alway looked up to him.. I’m a pharmacy student and I read all his fav authors and try my best to talk to him about his fav books and about medical stuff, or even absurd stuff that makes him laugh like ytb videos… Its so hard to always activally try to impress him..like i ask a question and he legit call my brother’s name and strike a convo with him asking him what I said or wanna know his opinion on the matter and not even me… The one who actually said the damn thing and actually knows alot about it.. Its so hurtful and honestly insulting… Whwnver they’re together they’re talking non stop… And whenever I’m with him he’s silent and me trying to make him speak.. I’m so tired of this but I know it wouldn’t stop cuz he’s my father… Its not like I could just forget him or break up with him….

  • That Women Is So Rude Criticized That One Girl But It’s Just Pretend Acting See How Obnoxious People Like Herself Did To That Girl It Still Not Right ����

  • So my mom thinks my sister has depression (when she doesn’t show any signs Of it) but then there is me who cries at least twice a day and whenever I try to tell my mom about it she makes up excuses and makes it feel like it’s my fault.

  • My mum thinks my younger sister is better than me because I’m grown I g up and becoming a bit attitudey and rude:(�� and she drinks and smokes ��������

  • I have two sisters. I am the youngest. As per our culture, it is the youngest boy who has to take care of the parents in their old age. I and my wife were working abroad. We had a good life. When my parents became old, they told us that they want us to come back and stay with them. Since we didn’t have a child at that time, we decided to go back to my parents as per their wish. Lots of my friends had told me at that time not to do so. But me and my wife decided to do as my parent’s wish. So we left everything and went back to them. first week was fine. from the second week, they started controlling us. They started treating us bad. My parents (both mother and father) loves my sisters than me. Mom try not to show it but my dad, shows it in his actions. He always insults and abuse me in front of my sisters and their family. Gradually all my niece started treating us like crap. When they abuse us, my parents and my sisters laughs at us. after another few years, God blessed us with a son. As any father, I too became protective about my son. One day one of my sister abused my 2 year old son and I told my sister to keep away from my son. My sister made it a big deal and told my father that she will not visit them as long as we are staying with them. My father immediately asked us to leave the house. We left my parent’s house that same night. Today I don’t keep in touch with my parents. I have never back answered my parents till date. I have always obeyed and respected them. Did everything they have asked me to do. If there is nothing wrong with me, why would they treat me this way. It hurts so much.

  • lol just now I was talking to my mom and she was fucking screaming at me then my brother (who is my twin) walked up to her and said the same exact fucking thing and she was super calm and suuuuuper nice. WHY

  • Extreme. Had my pulse racing towards the end dude. That’s a dark journey you took me on and I have seen AAA horror and atmospheric titles that only raise a yawn. Well made indeed!

  • Everytime i say something example like “mom can you please braid my hair” then she says ” just sleep
    But if my sister ask to braid her she always says to her

    Can you imagine that you worked for your parents to love you but they just prefer my sibling instead of us both������������������ and they expect me to love them much

  • My sister hits me she gets away with me then one day i hit her im in trouble and my parents said fuck you explain? Everytime I just go into my room and destroy everything and think to my self Will I grow up to suicide because i cant take this anymore once i grow up im moving out im done with my parents they hurt my feelings too they compare my sister to me saying OH LOOK SHE HAS MORE STUFF THAN YOU BECAUSE OF HER GOOD GRADES WHY CANT YOU BE LIKE HER Then im like I got better grades she almost failed istep and yet she still got a pc but when i pass i get nothing like what the fuck

  • In this case I think mine prefer me, I’m watching this as to see why my brother is so mean to me and my parents, and, here lately he’s been crying because of either me (something I accidentally said) and bc of my parents.

  • What a stupid video. It never fades and never gets better and you can’t stop feeling badly about it and no, you
    Idiot,
    It does not make it “quiet the noise” by accepting that “this is all they can give me”
    You really are a fool. And your “expertise” is trite and laughable and pathetic. What are your credentials btw? Looked you up seems you’re “Certified Professional Coactive Coach (CPCC)”. Hahahaha. No degree whatsoever. Not a medical doctor, not a Ph.D., not even a masters in social work. Hahahah. Oh man. What a joke. Really, this is by far the most laughable “quick fix” to a lifelong pain for many; just accept that this is the extent of love that your parents are capable of offering YOU as opposed to what they offer your sibling. Just accept the limitation”. I accept that you are a something even below a quack because you don’t even have the credentials to be a quack. Go away

  • I do everything in my house and my brother do nothing except playing games all the day and he also hurts me telling lies and the result my mom loves him more����

  • my mom never listens to me don’t remember the first time where she doesn’t blame me for anything that i didn’t do and believes my brother instead i always get hurt instead of him

  • My mom just doesn’t care when my OLDER brother keeps annoying me and insulting me so I hit him (not hard ok) instead of say what I always what to say to him Then he try’s to break my fingers yet my mother forced her anger on to me more I’m

  • This is my momjust accurate and all. Out of me and my brother she favors my sister. Whenever we used to go shopping together she’d buy me and my brother a shirt and jeans while she’s shopping three whole bags for my sister and trying stuff on her and looking her in the mirror and saying this and that-

  • “The moment you show favoritism towards one child, the unfavorable child begins to lose trust” �� SOOO TRUE!! �� I feel like I have no one I can trust because of this. Unfavored kids always feel like they are unwanted in life

  • My mother was the unfavored child, now she does the same thing to me and my oldest sister by favoring my youngest sister curse passed on, spot on but she can’t see what she is doing…

  • borned from a chinese family, ur mom or grandma literally everyone respect boys. All the women has to deal with suicidial thoughts. including kids below 10

  • well,my mom passed away she was the best i miss u mommy but…i have the best dad in the world and my sisters hate me except two of them unfortunatly i dont know why they hate me…maybe its because im the worst person ever and maybe also because im from a different dad i miss u mommy!

  • I have 2 siblings I am the youngest and I never was the favorite. I was maybe the 2nd favorite when I was in elementary school till high school but that all changed once I went to college. My brother had always been #1 till today and my sister use to be the least favorite but then moved up in rank once she went to college and developed depression. My sister is 27 years old and she behaves like a 15 year old and my mom and dad (esp mom) let her get away with everything even when she stole their credit cards. My mom even told me she pushes me to the side to aid my sister. That is confirmed favoritism in my opinion.

  • I don’t even like labels a Good kid a Bad kid. Even like a kid better than another one it’s horrible. It’s for can’t find it in your heart to like and love all the kids the same you either need only one child or no children at all.

  • We all know why we are here. It’s hurts when my parents always prefer my elder brother over me. Over the years I have seen this and kept silent. But I made a promise to myself that I will rise above all this. I will be someone they will only dream of becoming. Maybe this is what they meant by rejection makes you stronger. To all the others.. Stay strong keep fighting.

  • My mum prefers my sister they are watching movies together right now and there’s me stuck in my room I wash my own clothes keep my room clean and my sister dose nothing like that I just don’t get it. ����

  • Well in our fucked up society our parents actually like the younger children more than u and when u did nothing wrong but ur younger sibilings started annoying and ur him/her and ur telling to shut the fuck up and then ur younger bro/sis cries and ur parents defend them and u get punished

  • I’m a girl so I get mistreated than my brothers and my parents hit me and I’m the oldest I’m also in an Islamic family so it’s even worse ��

  • I’m the youngest child all my mom does is just ignore me and get mad at me when I’m not doing anything! But with my older siblings she dosent ignore them at all and gives them more attention!!

  • I know I’m late. My mom doesn’t have a favorite, but more or less it’s me. But she treats us all the same. Plus I’m my step dad’s, favorite. And he tried helping with my low self-esteem. He says I’m pretty and Beautiful. But my step brother gets angry. So he calls me a father crybaby. And gets in trouble. But all the girls iny family are the favorite. But my little three years old brother. My littlest brother, is love a lot. But she loves us all. My step dad just favors the girls, in my family. More then the boys. Harsher on the boys but the girls he’s soft. And I hate it. Hoesntly treat us the same. My little sister, gets away with stuff. But oh well

  • Can even talk to my parent and I notice myself developing anger issues and I don’t have any friends, I can’t talk to anyone and I slowly falling apart. I’m angry all the time and I don’t know what to do.

  • I have a older sister who thinks I’m the favorite of the family ( this was due to all attention to me because I had surgeries and special doctor appointment).

    And on top of that my parents were divorced. So my sister has my dad convinced I was spoiled by my mom.

    You can imagine how board I was when my dad took my sister cloth shopping.

  • My brother is always the favourited one. Our grandparents, our parents, our relatives, everyone loves him more than me. They gives him all the attention, all the love, and gives him the best. Although I’m a girl, my mother would still force me to wear the clothes that my brother wore. I never got new clothes, never wore a dress, I’ve only wore my brother’s clothes. I do all the chores and my brother would just sit there playing video games and watching tv. However, everybody loves him more. My mother would blame me for everything, even if it’s my brother that did those mistakes. I don’t feel any love and I can’t do this anymore. I’m still sleeping in the living room and I never got my own room. Sometimes i would really want to die. I would wonder the point of living. Please, tell me what I should do

  • I went through this, except my sibling seen the favoritism instead of acting like it never existed. My mother and I talked about it, and she started to see how rude she was…. She blamed the surgery on her ovariess aftermath, not because our looks. We get along fine now, it’s toning down a lot than it did

  • The day my mom told that my brother was the “perfect son” was the day I hit rock bottom and now I have trust issues added to my ADHD and OCD and stuff. No matter how nice someone would be, I still would have no faith in them because my own blood and family never preferred me in the first place.

  • Mum, you think I don’t share my feelings with anyone and I’m crying all the time for no reason. I’m your daughter, not competitor. Shouldn’t every parent want their child to be better than them? Why don’t you ever try being comforting me and maybe I will stop. I try keep my patience and you DELIBERATELY destroy it for your pleasure and laugh/gossip with others. It’s sad that I am writing this comment to random people instead to the one that created me. Why did you create me just to treat me like a doll that has no emotions? It’s because of you, I have trust issues and I am forced to love you. You laugh at my existence, I don’t want you to die because I’m not a coward like you that wanted me to get out of this ages ago. The game started and trust me, I will end it. I pray one day the damage you’ve done to me will be shown one day. Have fun with my brother and carry one gossiping because watch when I am deprived from your life.

    The story:
    My existence isn’t a joke. My mum loves my older brother more and I’m 12 while he’s 20. Big age difference, yet she defends him, agrees with him on things that are so wrong, blackmail me, gossip about me, compete with me and wants the best for him! It’s like I’m a spare child that is only needed when used sometimes. The two of them sometimes even gangs up on meit’s unbelievable. I’m not clearing my history, let her see what damage she’s done to me. I have had enough I try to forgive her and love her but she can’t even put an effort to do the same! ☹️

    Edit: she saw this video and laughed along with my brother.