How you can Stop Blaming Yourself to be Bullied

 

Abuse Recovery: 3 Keys to Overcoming Self-Blame

Video taken from the channel: Dr. Craig Malkin


 

Sadhguru on How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself

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Video taken from the channel: A Helpful Earth


 

Self Blame After Abuse: WHY We Turn to Self Hate

Video taken from the channel: Trauma Talk


 

Get Over Your Ex and STOP Blaming Yourself Terri Cole Real Love Revolution 2018

Video taken from the channel: Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM


 

How To Forgive Yourself How To Stop Feeling Guilty

Video taken from the channel: Noah Elkrief


 

Guilt is why we FAIL How to Stop Blaming Yourself

Video taken from the channel: Dr David Maloney Psychotherapy


And it certainly won’t keep you from being bullied in the future. Self-blame is just another form of rejection. So stop blaming yourself for the bullying and let the situation go. Instead, focus on your healing and what you can learn from the situation.

Learn how to reframe your thinking. How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Being Bullied at Work Many people blame themselves for being bullied at work or at least think they must have done something to warrant itand have a hard time holding the bully responsible for their aggression. Stop the cycles of self-harm and pain with a new thought pattern. When you talk to yourself differently, your brain starts to create new thought patterns, and in this case, replace the negative ones with more positive thoughts. 5. Start Loving Yourself.

Showing yourself self-love and self-care also helps to prevent you from blaming yourself excessively. Examine how you spend your time. Ask yourself whether you’re devoting enough energy to your hobbies, your passions, and your well-being. Many people simply drift into a pattern of meeting the needs of other people. Anyone can experience bullying in their lives.

Never blame yourself for what’s happened. Don’t mentally accept the nastiness just because a bully has directed it at you. Deal with any irrational feeling of blame by writing down how you’re feeling, drawing how you feel, doing exercise, or going out for a walk.

Direct Your Anger Positively. If someone blames you for something you have no control over, you need to ignore the actual content of what’s been said, identify the type of abuse. Examine your role in the bullying.

There may be a chance that you unintentionally pinned yourself as the victim. Maybe you thought ignoring your sibling’s behavior would cause them to stop, but it actually encouraged it instead. Or maybe you have played along hoping that by seeming unfazed, they would lose interest.

Taking away the blame without taking away the responsibility keeps us accountable to ourselves and the world around us without setting us up for. If you know who’s bullying you, bring along a trusted witness, such as a co-worker or supervisor, and ask them to stop — if you feel comfortable doing so. According to Namie, “ You can’t stand your ground as readily, since there’s a power dynamic,”.

Also, Namie suggests that “ You need to break the silence with co-workers. Chances are you’re not the only person [being bullied], and you can use your collective power to mobilize as a group. ”.

List of related literature:

It’s normal to blame yourself and to start to feel that it’s your fault that you’re being bullied, especially if it’s happening repeatedly.

“The Spectrum Girl's Survival Guide: How to Grow Up Awesome and Autistic” by Siena Castellon
from The Spectrum Girl’s Survival Guide: How to Grow Up Awesome and Autistic
by Siena Castellon
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2020

First of all, remember that getting bullied is never your fault.

“The Boys Body Book: Fifth Edition” by Kelli Dunham
from The Boys Body Book: Fifth Edition
by Kelli Dunham
Applesauce Press, 2019

If you believe it is the fault of the bully, you may have aggressive feelings.

“Bullying Scars: The Impact on Adult Life and Relationships” by Ellen Walser deLara
from Bullying Scars: The Impact on Adult Life and Relationships
by Ellen Walser deLara
Oxford University Press, 2016

And remember, it’s not your fault – no one deserves to be bullied.

“What's Happening to Me? (Girls): For tablet devices” by Susan Meredith, Nancy Leschnikoff
from What’s Happening to Me? (Girls): For tablet devices
by Susan Meredith, Nancy Leschnikoff
Usborne Publishing Limited, 2013

Recognize that people who are bullied are not the problem.

“Fitness for Life: Middle School” by Charles B. Corbin, Guy C. Le Masurier, Dolly Lambdin
from Fitness for Life: Middle School
by Charles B. Corbin, Guy C. Le Masurier, Dolly Lambdin
Human Kinetics, 2007

Instead of reacting defensively, mindlessly, when that bully shows up, try to remember that he doesn’t speak the truth, only a distorted version of reality that goes out of its way to find fault with you.

“Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You” by Richard O'Connor
from Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn’t Teach You and Medication Can’t Give You
by Richard O’Connor
Little, Brown, 2010

The same advice would apply to you as to any bully: try being nice to your victim, see the positive in them, talk to them calmly and privately.

“Asperger's on the Job: Must-have Advice for People with Asperger's Or High Functioning Autism, and Their Employers, Educators, and Advocates” by Rudy Simone, Temple Grandin
from Asperger’s on the Job: Must-have Advice for People with Asperger’s Or High Functioning Autism, and Their Employers, Educators, and Advocates
by Rudy Simone, Temple Grandin
Future Horizons, 2010

Never think it is your fault in any way, whatever the bullies might

“George and the Blue Moon” by Stephen Hawking, Lucy Hawking, Garry Parsons
from George and the Blue Moon
by Stephen Hawking, Lucy Hawking, Garry Parsons
Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2017

It’s very important to remember that it is ALWAYS the fault of the bully, not the person being bullied.

“The Awesome Autistic Go-To Guide: A Practical Handbook for Autistic Teens and Tweens” by Yenn Purkis, Tanya Masterman
from The Awesome Autistic Go-To Guide: A Practical Handbook for Autistic Teens and Tweens
by Yenn Purkis, Tanya Masterman
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2020

f Whenever you feel that a bully’s comments are getting to you—that you are actually starting to doubt yourself—remind yourself of your accomplishments in life.

“ADHD and Me: What I Learned from Lighting Fires at the Dinner Table” by Blake E. S. Taylor, Lara Honos-Webb
from ADHD and Me: What I Learned from Lighting Fires at the Dinner Table
by Blake E. S. Taylor, Lara Honos-Webb
New Harbinger Publications, 2008

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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58 comments

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  • This was very brave thank you so much for making this. This was eye opening to me. I’ve been struggling with self built blame and guilt as it’s always been my reaction after years of abuse and new forms of abuse recently.

  • U dont control thoughts that come into ur mind but u can cast it out as soon as it comes read the kjv bible��
    We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,(A) and we take captive every thought to make it obedient(B) to Christ.

  • I have done bad stuff and no one knows what I did, I will never tell anyone but only I know and I can’t ever forgive myself for what i did because I feel like what I did doesn’t deserve forgiveness and now I have really severe anxiety, Depression, and depersonalization. I’m realizing what I did was wrong at the time I didn’t think it was but now that I’m educating myself I realize what I did was awful and disgusting, I’m coming to terms that I can’t take it back but only learn from it and get better but I feel like I deserve to suffer and I don’t deserve anything but to suffer. Idk sometimes i don’t think about it but then I say to myself “ hey remember what u did,why are u happy u don’t deserve this, u are worthless “. Well idk I’m just sorry… so, so very sorry ��

  • Really random, but i wanted to share the gospel with anyone who is reading so you understand salvation, which is something many do not know: Many are clearly so confused also about the gospel, so let me help you as well as God permits me to:
    if i asked you the question: “how do you get to heaven?” Would you answer me that being a good person can earn you the happines of God and you will enter heaven? The Bible states that no one is good: we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, you have very probably at least once in your life lied, or stolen something even if it was small, probably you have often used God’s name in vain (as in omg) which is called blasphemy, you have for sure had sexual thoughts about someone, so to sum it all up: you would be a lying, thieving blasphemus adulteror at heart, which is only 4 of the 10 commandments and you probably have broken them all. And for this we deserve hell! One single sin is enough to send you to hell.  And by doing good deeds, like loving everyone helping people ecc… we can not possibly cancel our previous sins and gain the favour of God. The only way we can get to heaven is through the Lord Jesus! I will explain that better: God has His Holy and just wrath prepared to fall upon all sinners, and we completely deserve that, but in God’s infinite mercy He sent his only begotten Son to live a perfect life on this earth (something we could not possibly do ourselves) and to finally die on the cross bearing our sins and taking upon Himself the wrath of God that was supposed to be for us! True conversion is realizing that we are completely lost and putting our whole trust in the Lord Jesus and we will be cleansed by His blood, because He already bore our sins! In this way The Father will see us as pure through Jesus! As proof of our salvation we will automatically start hating the sin we once were slaves to and we will love God and His commandements! This doesn’t mean that we won’t be tempted by our past sins but if we get overcomed by temptation we will still hate the sin that we fall into. That is the gospel! And that is the only way you get to heaven and a few understand it. Ephesians 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast

  • Great encouragement to begin identifying and acknowledging emotions. However, I would NEVER reveal them to a narcissist. They will only take the info and use it to put you down, control, or hurt you in some way.
    Expressing your feelings to a narcissist is asking to be gut punched.

  • I did something terrible. I hurt the person I love most i always will feel like the only way to give them justice is to kill myself but they said they didn’t want that on their consious. idk man I feel like I’ll never forgive myself.

  • Excellent video, Terri! So straight and assertive and as always the message is delivered in such a loving way. Thanks for sharing!

  • I had to put up with abuse for 10 years in complete solitude and isolation. No one believed me that I was in that terrible situation and no one helped me. Living in foreign countries and being at his mercy to even get a phone to call my family or going out, didn’t leave me any chance to put up with the abuse, until God gave me the courage to either die and live in the street or stay with him and die in solitude and I left accepting to die in the street than being with him under one roof. Lord delivered me and saved me and regardless of him trying to kill me I’m still alive and finally separated. But I’m dealing with PTSD now and I hope that I can get back on my feet and overcome my emotions and regain willpower to live daily life. He is out and I know I’m safe but I’m still suffering. I tried even antidepressants, but I went through the most terrible serotonin syndrome condition that still after 7 months my brain is not recovered and my tremors did not go away. I wish you could give real technics, how to deal with PTSD and overcoming abuse and how to get back to life and how to love sunshine again and how to overcome fear of human.

  • I feel guilty because I had a fight with some friends and I said I would delete the apps and talk to them later so I can “install a game” and now I’m just gonna let the fire die down

  • Thank you for this -I had one nagging regret about a relationship from many years ago, that left me not only in bad shape emotionally at the time, but not really sure of what went wrong. By looking at it from your perspective and from the distance of all these years alter, I realized that for me, it didn’t feel like real love, but we both wanted to make something work, that just didn’t-so now I can let it go. I held on to it because some psychic told me I should, but it was not meant to be, evidently. But I did blame myself for years, for not being better at communication, tolerance of bad behavior ( like so many women are), and many other things. I can forgive myself at last.

  • To anyone who is in this comment section and feeling guilt and panicking, Relax, even if you did do some horrible things we are all human and we all make mistakes, you can learn to change in the future but you can not change the past, give yourself a break, Please Some random guy in the comment section

  • Because some people’s seem a bit worse that mine, I think I can say it. I had this guy that was bullying me in sixth grade right? So he kept telling me that I was fat (which made me stop eating but that’s no what this is about) and I looked up ways to stop a bully and there was a thingy that said tell him something false about you that he can bully you about without you caring. The next day I told him a was dyslexic and he snickered. I didn’t care but he spread the rumor and it became a thing. I felt so bad. Also ANOTHER kid was bullying my best friend and I told him something absolutely horrible that I can’t say here but he told on me and I was known as “the good kid” and denied it and I apologized to him a million times. That lie has followed me. I’m going into 8th grade. Help.

  • How can you trust your future relationships if you’ve attached negative resentment towards the parents for the ole “blind eye” thing they used back then? Thanks in advance.

  • You know… life is bigger than romantic relationships a lot of you guys need to quit being lazy with topics like this and talk about self blame in other areas of life. People have narc parents to raise and manipulate them to think in self blaming terms thats taken out into all areas of life, work friendship etc. I hate when everything is spoken about only in terms of intimiate relationships because those things are mostly choices

  • I can’t live with what I did. It’s been a year and a half. I was starting to come out of it only to find out a friend that was involved in situation came out publicly online to say I’m a POS and a F’n liar and everyone should stay away from me. Now I’m back to hating myself and wishing I could just die because having everyone looking and pointing at me in disgust is more than I can bear.

  • I hurt the person who created me his life and in the worst possible way, it sometimes feel that everything worse I did in a short span of time knowingly unknowingly covered every good faith and will I had within myself. Regrets are the worst feeling

  • Oof I’m literally here for the most stupid reason qwq. I said to someone I learned how to swear so I said for example, Mother Ducking Azz Bish. And now I realized how stupid that was ��. He said, okay now that just sounds dumb because it sounds like you are trying to swear. I was so embarrassed and also I don’t actually swear ��☹️��

  • I did something really bad while playing a game. I’ve tried making myself forget, changing my avatar, updating my status to apologize, literally anything possible. Idk if I can forgive myself. Sorry to those I hurt in Eviction Notice.

  • I liked my guitar teacher, he also liked me, and proposed me, but I said him no, because I knew we could never be together because my parents would never accept him in the future and I’m not gonna go against them so I did that and never told him that I always liked him.
    It might have made him feel like, his love was one-sided, but that was not the truth.
    I’m regreting now beacuse I said no and might have made him cry,but I did that for good for both of us.

  • Now I understand many go through this terrible guilt, I am not the only one, although this video is convincing, my soul is so adamant that says me to suffer, I prefer to suffer miserably with my thoughts than to forgive myself, gosh I live with this misery/ thoughts 24/7 my karma, very unfortunate

  • I’ve reconciled that what was done to me was done TO me and I had no power in it. That’s not why I hate myself. We are in control of our own actions and reactions. My reaction once I was free of the abuse was to abuse myself and self-sabotage. Once the abuse was gone, I couldn’t re-adjust to live a healthy life and still torment myself daily. I hate myself because I’m not strong enough to care about myself. I hate myself because I consistently act against my own best interest almost like an addiction. It feels completely involuntary but at the same time I know I’m choosing to suffer. Fuck me. I’ve earned what I’ve got at this point.

  • Who is guilty for going on a site from a vid then finds something that’s really bad but keeps watching it and then now you wish I could unsee it and you hate how you kept looking into it

  • WONDERFUL INTRODUCTION, but the missing bit that should have followed, is the description of the cutting edge, that we need to direct, being PERSPECTIVE, with the leading point, being the smallest, narrowest point, where perspective is formed. When mind is directed, along perspective, towards that smallest point, mind becomes stable. And thereby we become able to function, mentally, to learn, to discern truth, and the best way to do things. And ABOVE ALL, when directed within, able to identify the root of mental stability TRUTH “the kingdom of heaven, within” the, “iron rod”, the, “silver cord”.

  • I spent £50 behind my moms back. It may seem like nothing but I just feel so bad about it and I’m nervous to wake up and tell her what I did:(

  • It hurts because i don’t even know the person that i did the thing to. He could be fine but he could be hurting right now and ill never know

  • I always had this well-defined idea of who I was, and that was completely shattered as a result of me making that mistake. My trust for myself went down to zero, because I lost sight of what kind of person I really am.

    But…watching this video, I’m starting to think that maybe I gave too much credit to the me in the past. After all, what defines us can change so easily. So why do I think of the past version of myself(before the mistake) as some saint? She was more oblivious. More ignorant. More careless. I’ve gained so much more clarity after my mistake. The guilt is paralysing, yes. But I think I need to stop speaking of myself as a lost identity. And realise that I’m right here. In this moment. Ready to be defined again. And again. And again and again, as I make more mistakes.

    Each mistake gives me a chance to redefine myself. I think…I think I should stop being so scared of that.

  • Im getting past a relationship that has ended. This helps me a lot. And it has affirmed the things, the steps that I have been doing to ensure that I will heal and that my responsibility for healing is progressing. Thank you

  • Who else feels guilty about eating your single mom’s chocolate, your a sibling to 2 so she has to work 2 jobs to put a roof over our heads ����

  • I do think you should mention that studies prove that people view women as objects when they show more than 40 percent of their body.
    Its horrible but i think it should be shared. Use it or not. It could be useful to know

  • I just watched some Islam 5 year old get his head chopped off I’ve been on the verge of crying all day the guilt of the kid and his last movements

  • I can’t forgive myself��once I visited someone’s house and there was a baby and her big sis so I held that baby and I slipped my foot and the baby was hurt a lil bit and her sister was seeing me with anger but still she was asking that r u ok? After a while baby was coming back to me and then his sister took him away with seeing me with anger,so I can never forgive myself����

  • Hey, I’m a 14 year old, and I watched innapropriate videos. My parents have an easy way to access my history (I think) but haven’t said anything. I don’t know if they know but I’m scared to tell them

  • Excellent let this be a lesson for everyone life is so short forget anger. love and forgive quickly and apologise straight away. Because tomorrow isn’t promised. Peace out.

  • In always love ur talks sadhguru, thanks for reminding us of our intelligence, I’m masters in Neurological Disorders and I know how brain works, interesting to listen u

  • I’m feeling guilt cuz I made a cringe account when I was younger, and someone called me a loser on one of the videos. And I made a fake hate account out of myself. I forgot the passwords to all the accounts so pls help

  • Thank you. This explanation of self-blame helps me understand at a deeper level. The idea of flipping the question, “What did I do wrong?” Or “What is wrong with me?” is so brilliant! Instead ask “Is there something wrong in the relationship?” So helpful.

  • Thank you so much for making these videos. I have been power watching them. They are very, very helpful. I am going to order your book. Sending you good wishes and a lot of gratitude.

  • Sahdguru, I was doing the most, living my best life. Then ish got cray.
    What I do boo? -Her question translated for common teenagers haha.

  • I have done something really bad and I feel really guilty. I normally tell everything I do my mom, cause I know she won’t judge me for it and always says that it’s fine. Tho i feel like I also have to realize myself that it’s not actually that awful and I have to forgive myself, without always telling what I did other people. And that’s what I’m trying. I feel really depressed but I don’t wanna give up. Tho it’s reaaaally hard.

  • Whats fucked up about me is that i do everything i posibly can for my friends. Help them with money, food etc. Knowing that i lack on these suplies. I feel dumb for doing this but thers no chance for me to stop. I feel stupid for the people that i helped and in the end they talk bad about me. I feel like its ny fault.

  • i think what he is really saying is that there’s one voice you should listen to which is the voice of your intuition and your true self by honoring it exactly you will no longer have the need to satisfy or listen to anything else, you will be centered, self care!
    peace to every living soul❤️

  • I just hate and cringe of the mistake’s i did. I find it difficult in getting over it. It’s like I only realize it later on and I fully take on the blame since it is true it’s just that i find it difficult in apologizing since I’m not a well spoken type of person, i just stay quite and stutter if the person expects an answer.

  • After millions of years we got the complex brain to understand the world but with that brain we are understanding each other to defend ourselves.

  • Ive wasted so much of my life due to self hate and inaction. I hate myself for that. Ive hated my self for 10 years. I dont know how to stop being lazy and insecure

  • Last week me and my friend stole a toy from a kid that use to bully us and we smased it and painted it black then left it at there porch and every time my friend says something about it I want to through up I wish I did do it….

  • Your other video opened my eyes up to depression, and now youve saved me from drowning in guilt aswell.
    You’re incredibly smart and right about this. Thank you so much.

  • Microchip implants are real and serious. They are used to control the minds of intelligent people just to keep them docile from what they want to do and to the worst to destroy them. This is the truth!

  • The simplicity of what He says so logical so deep and so difficult to train our minds to make it this simple. Thank you Sadghuru for sharing your wisdom. I wish everyone focused on improving themselves instead of trying to change people and things around them.

  • It is hard not to blame yourself. I’ve had a alcoholic dad who died and also abused me verbally. Had some toxic friends so it went down and down. My mind tells me to isolate myself from who upset me and just keep blaming myself.

    Have a good day lovelies

  • People often call me disgusting (they used to call me cat instead). They say that I need to get help, well they aren’t helping. People are such hypocrites. No one understands that I’m extremely mentally unstable.

  • I have been blaming myself for being an overly emotional and highly sensitive person. I tend to get hurt easily so I have been experiencing many broken friendships because I tend to express my hurts out to them since I don’t wish to hold on to any hard feelings. However, I failed to consider that people dislike confrontation so they blamed me for how I reacted instead of apologising to me. Eventually, I became the one who apologised to people. I couldn’t bear the blames that people have put on me so it makes me feel like it’s all my fault. People have been criticising me and judging me of what kind of a person I am, making me feel like I don’t deserve a friend. I feel so devastated and depressed. It seems like everyone hates me.

  • I dont own a television nor do I participate in social media. I watch YouTube so that I can choose what I am exposed to. I prefer to watch your videos instead.

  • Memories are horrible if only you could truly forget everything and move forward. “But as soon as you close your eyes the darkness welcomes you back from the light.”

  • Thank you! Sometimes even seemingly small traumas can feed self blame loops, helping understand why we do it is a great way of making them stop and reclaiming our power!

  • i apologised to the person i hurt and they excepted it, yet i still feel so bad. i know i made them feel upset, and i dont want anyone to feel that way.

  • Alot of times people who continue to date / hook up with abusers in general is because they subconsciously seek validation from them, generally very empathic people tend to fall for this and are what the abusers look for. Do yourself a favor especially if you’re young and just starting to date so you dont end up traumatized. You dont need validation from anyone!! Find someone whos gonna strive to make you the best version of yourself! Also study people closely and look for subtle lack of empathy in people / how manipulative they are

  • I betrayed my parents’ trust and I told what i did. I can’t stop feeling guilty. I cannot sleep normaly. I am trying to fix my mistakes.

  • Sadhguru who is the inner guru, higher self, UNTAR YAMIN and THE RULER WITHIN?????????????WITHIN OUR TINY UNIVERSE WE HAVE IN OUR BODY???????