How you can Stop a young child From Touching or Having Fun With His Privates

 

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Playing with or examining private parts is something that certainly should be discouraged in a low-key way, without passing judgment or making a child feel that any such action is bad or wrong. Parents can assess any moral/parenting discussion to the action; child care providers simply stop the behavior because it is not appropriate around others. Parents should tell their children not to allow anyone to touch them in their private areas and to tell a trusted adult if they experience an uncomfortable touch by someone, even if that person is a family member or friend, she says.

A “bad touch” is the kind you don’t like and want it to stop right away (i.e., hitting, kicking, or touching private parts). Reassure your child that most touches are okay touches, but that they should say “NO” and need to tell you about any touches that are confusing or that scare them. Give your children a solid rule. Teach them it is NOT okay for anyone to look at or touch. Give them a small toy.

Sometimes a fidget toy or small stuffed animal can help keep their hands busy. Whether it is a textured ball or a little soft animal they can place in their pocket, giving them verbal cues when you catch them with their hands in their pants. Remind them not to touch others.

While it’s normal to explore their own body, teach your child not to touch other children or adults, especially near their private parts. This can also help them learn about privacy and how to respect other people. Since children with autism have a hard time understanding social cues but do understand routine and structure, create a poster board the clearly states the rule “No Touching” or “Keep Hands to Yourself.” Use pictures to illustrate the concept if the child does not have reading skills.

It can be helpful to have the child make this poster with you. Begin teaching your child the difference between “public” and “private.” If she starts touching herself while you’re out in public, quietly tell her that some things are okay to do in private but not in public where there are people around. Take her hand, give it a gentle squeeze and distract her. Distract him. Playing with their genitals is a lot like nose-picking children do it because it’s there, because they’re bored, and because their hands are free.

If his hands keep going down his trousers at inopportune moments (in front of your in-laws, for example) keep a toy close by to distract him with. A safety plan is a set of rules and guidelines for everyone in the home that help prevent abuse. These rules might include keeping clothes on while playing, not touching anyone in their genital areas or allowing others to touch their genitals (except in medical or toileting situations), and not playing with doors closed or without supervision.

When children are engrossed in their toys and own imaginations, they are much more likely to talk. Garry Landreth, a pioneer in the world of play therapy, has said, “Play is a child’s language, and toys are their words.” Entering a child’s world through play is the best way to speak his or her language about tricky topics.

List of related literature:

Until the problem is alleviated, try to avoid these irritating situations (e.g., let your child wear clothes made of the fabrics that he prefers or avoid crowded areas).

“Sensory Integration and the Child: Understanding Hidden Sensory Challenges” by A. Jean Ayres, Jeff Robbins, Shay McAtee, Pediatric Therapy Network
from Sensory Integration and the Child: Understanding Hidden Sensory Challenges
by A. Jean Ayres, Jeff Robbins, et. al.
Western Psychological Services, 2005

There is nowhere else that child is not allowed to touch himself.

“The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment” by Clifford Penner, Joyce J. Penner
from The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment
by Clifford Penner, Joyce J. Penner
Thomas Nelson, 2003

• Allow the child to touch equipment and play with replicas or dolls to learn about body parts.

“Essentials of Patient Education” by Bastable
from Essentials of Patient Education
by Bastable
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2016

Evaluate light touch sensation by asking the child to close his or her eyes and point to where you touch or tickle.

“Mosby's Guide to Physical Examination E-Book” by Henry M. Seidel, Rosalyn W. Stewart, Jane W. Ball, Joyce E. Dains, John A. Flynn, Barry S. Solomon
from Mosby’s Guide to Physical Examination E-Book
by Henry M. Seidel, Rosalyn W. Stewart, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

• Communicate with the child about what was done and why and about any feelings after intimate touch.

“Occupational Therapy for Children and Adolescents E-Book” by Jane Case-Smith, Jane Clifford O'Brien
from Occupational Therapy for Children and Adolescents E-Book
by Jane Case-Smith, Jane Clifford O’Brien
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2014

Let child perform touching on himself or herself (e.g., use toothbrush or wash face or body).

“Case-Smith's Occupational Therapy for Children and Adolescents E-Book” by Jane Clifford O'Brien, Heather Kuhaneck
from Case-Smith’s Occupational Therapy for Children and Adolescents E-Book
by Jane Clifford O’Brien, Heather Kuhaneck
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2019

The answer is not to avoid touching the child but rather to help the child gradually learn to handle the sensation of being touched.

“Cerebral Palsy: A Complete Guide for Caregiving” by Freeman Miller, Steven J. Bachrach
from Cerebral Palsy: A Complete Guide for Caregiving
by Freeman Miller, Steven J. Bachrach
Johns Hopkins University Press, 2017

Encourage the child to experiment setting boundaries by putting the hands up or by pushing your hand away gently to make you stop.

“EMDR Therapy and Adjunct Approaches with Children: Complex Trauma, Attachment, and Dissociation” by Ana M. Gomez, MC, LPC
from EMDR Therapy and Adjunct Approaches with Children: Complex Trauma, Attachment, and Dissociation
by Ana M. Gomez, MC, LPC
Springer Publishing Company, 2012

Allow the parents to hold the child; if that is not possible, encourage the parents to stroke and touch the child.

“Core Curriculum for Critical Care Nursing E-Book” by JoAnn Grif Alspach, AACN
from Core Curriculum for Critical Care Nursing E-Book
by JoAnn Grif Alspach, AACN
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2013

Teach your daughter that if anyone touches her in a way that she does not want to be touched (e.g. roughhousing, tickling, hugging, kissing, touching private parts), she can say “no!”

“Girls Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum: What Parents and Professionals Should Know About the Pre-Teen and Teenage Years” by Shana Nichols, Liane Holliday Willey, Ginamarie Moravcik, Samara Pulver-Tetenbaum
from Girls Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum: What Parents and Professionals Should Know About the Pre-Teen and Teenage Years
by Shana Nichols, Liane Holliday Willey, et. al.
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2009

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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19 comments

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  • Ok so at what age is it ok to let your kids touch their vulva? I have 2 daughters my older one who is now 7 rubs herself while laying in the bed/floor and I remember as a child I did the same thing and that was my main way of masterbation until I figured out the shower head then I used both. But do I allow my 7 year old to touch herself? Do you explain it’s ok to do but not in the living room in front of others like me, dad, your sister, any guests we have over? I’m stuck I don’t want her having hangups around sex and masterbation but I also don’t think it’s ok to be doing it in front of others like her younger sister 4 years old. I don’t want them to think it;s ok to touch themselves with each other…. ugh parenting is hard and frustrating and I know as a young kid I did all the same things and my mom just never said anything about it if she walked in I;d quickly stop and pretend I wasn’t doing anything should my mom have said something or just ignored it? Should I say something or ignore it? I need Help Lindsey!

  • for some reason I started to cry at 6:10, I think it’s because throughout my youth years my mother and sister would always make fun of me for those things and would make it weird and would never tell me it’s okay that ur going through this and so hearing that made me feel really good about myself and replaced all that confidence I lacked, thank you sexplanations:)

  • The only hygiene instruction I got was “wipe front to back”. I loved long bubble baths and was also a really awkward kid who didn’t wanna bother people with my problems…. so yeah I got what I now realize were a number of UTIs before even hitting puberty (and before I stopped taking long/bubble baths which I think were the cause), and also never told my mom at the time, cause dumb awkward kid��‍♀️

  • Doesn’t suit an elegant looking man to be caught doing this… but I have noticed this is pretty natural for human beings to be doing.

  • I am a 13 yo boy. I get aroused very easily and frequently. I also masturbate a lot. I know this is normal but it doesn’t feel like it.

  • Being a parent seems very very stressful and this has definitely deterred me ��

    Mainly cause I wouldn’t wanna screw up my kid’s genitals ������

  • Wow this video is so inclusive and informative! I’ll definitely keep this in mind so that if I have kids someday I’ll be more ready to care for them and teach them to care for themselves.

  • I’m expecting my first child in Dec., I never wanted kids but here we are.
    But I gotta be honest…. After watching this, I dont think I can do this.

  • Sexplinations for kids!!! I’m a preschool teacher and I sooooo want kids to know about their bodies, but it’s difficult when there are so many kids and so many different parenting approaches to consider. I’m excited for kid-oriented sex/gender/anatomy/self-care videos!

  • Are cleaning a child’s genitals sexual abuse. That is crazy. Trying to teach my son to wipe his butt good has been really difficult.

  • How do I remove my 11 years daughter’s public hair? She is very much worried and some time it creates inching in her genital area. Plz help.

  • I can’t believe what I ‘ve heard. I mean, is that common that kids “explore their bodies” in that way she mentioned after the 5 minutes?

  • I don’t have children, but I want them in the future and this topic is so difficult for me. I don’t know how to discuss these things with confidence and I fear I’ll say the wrong thing. I know it’s a parents responsibility to educate their children and essure that they take care of themselves, and yet it still feels so wrong to me.

  • Having never had education about genitals or anything involving them, other than I should feel ashamed about touching or talking about them, I am incredibly grateful to have resources available to me now so I can not only educate myself but my children as well. I’m still learning how to talk to them about their genitals comfortably (I’m having to unlearn 2 decades of stigma at the same time I’m teaching them) but I refuse to fail them like my mother and every school I ever attended failed me.
    Thank you so much for fighting to make sexual education accessible to all.

  • I love watching your videos, and I just came across this, and I really needed info. All my friends have children but nobody talks about these things, I feel weird about changing babies especially the ones that are not circumcised so I feel like I’m not completely cleaning them right. Plus with a bath ect. Also my god daughter is potty training and I always want to make sure she is properly clean, but also don’t want to hurt her. I think this video is so important. Thank you!!

  • Thank you for this video. I appreciate the straight forwardness, and awesome problem solving words to use.
    Do you think it’s good or better or healthier to talk about these things with each other or with the kids when something like this were to happen? Around here, no one is supposed to talk about anything. For example, if CPS takes peoples kids, no one is supposed to talk about the issue. The kids and parents can’t talk about anything having to do with the situation. Why is that? Is it possible that some of these situations get the story stretched out a little bit?

  • I know this video came out a a while ago, but I need some help. My best friend who is a single mom, lives with me and my husband. Her son is my God son, so of course she trusts me a lot. Sometimes during bath time she’ll ask me to watch him while she goes and grabs clothes. one night she asked me if I could wash his hair and stuff, then when she came back I said “okay I am going to let you clean his genitals because I don’t feel comfortable doing that” her response was”oh we don’t need to do that just his hair and body” I didn’t know what to say. I don’t have any kids of my own, and don’t want her to think that I know how to parent better then her. I should also add the we live in a community that thinks that anything that has to do with genitals has to do with sex. And even some doctors think that. As a child I got absolutely no information and genitals or how to take care of them, how do I go about letting my friend know she need to be cleaning her childs privates.

  • I work in a day care and we have a diaper changing protocol sheet hanging right by the changing table that gives explicit instructions, like these, for caring for children’s genitals to they don’t get infections from improperly changed diapers.

  • We never got “the talk“ grew up super Baptist and such things were taboo went to a different church and the teacher was doing a lesson on Joseph in genesis and because it was a Baptist church everything had to be a literated And the letter they chose was S so when it got to the part about Joseph and Potter first wife they referred to it as not so safe sex me being from a large family thought this lesson plan which had been worked up as a script for a play was a great idea because we had the kids to put on this play. Showed it to my mother she was flipping through it and saw “that word“ absolutely flipped out didn’t tell me why because we don’t talk about such things so I was about 11 I started doing my own research. HEY That word is on the magazine cover at the grocery checkout line. So I kept my eye out and I would see different things with that word and then I discovered the Internet so I googled that word. Eventually I was just reading research articles I was watching “instructional videos” and man did I watch a lot of instructional videos. And to this day I have a serious porn addiction