How to proceed When Kids Lie

 

Practical Tips to Stop Kids from Lying | Parenting A to Z

Video taken from the channel: Kelly Bourne


 

How To Get Kids To Stop Lying

Video taken from the channel: Live On Purpose TV


 

Can you really tell if a kid is lying? | Kang Lee

Video taken from the channel: TED


 

What To Do When Your CHILD LIES

Video taken from the channel: Live On Purpose TV


 

Why Kids Lie and How to End It Now! by Bryan Post Live

Video taken from the channel: postinstitute


 

Why Kids Lie & What to Do About It!

Video taken from the channel: The Parenting Junkie


 

How To Stop A Child From Lying

Video taken from the channel: Live On Purpose TV


Consider the options from the child’s viewpoint: the child can tell you the truth and will be punished, or tell you something like “I don’t know” and hope that you will believe them. Do not call your child a liar. Labels can not only be hurtful, but they can also have a lasting impact on how a child views himself.

If he is called a liar, he may believe himself to be one and act accordingly. Be clear about your expectations. Tell your child that lying is something that you do not want in your household. What to Do When Kids Lie Just as when kids are young, parents should continue to talk about why telling the truth is so important and how it helps maintain trust in a relationship.

There should also be clear, specific and consistent rules about lying – and try to distinguish between lying and behavior. Putting a child on the spot can set him up to lie. If parents know the true story, Dr. Brady recommends, they should go right to the issue and discuss it.

Instead of asking a child if he didn’t do his homework a parent could just say, “I know you didn’t do it. Let’s talk about why that’s not a. When a child lies, parents (or the adults in their lives like teachers) first need to ask what they might have done to make this child not trust them. A lie is a signal of mistrust and often times, children lie to avoid our judgment, harsh reactions or punishments. When you do talk, don’t argue with your child about the lie.

Just state what you saw, and what is obvious. You may not know the reason for the lie, but eventually, your child might fill you in on it. Again, simply state the behaviors that you saw.

The conversation might go something like this: “I got a call from our neighbor. Parents should hold their kids responsible for lying. But the mistake parents make is when they start to blame the kid for lying. It’s considered immoral to lie. “Remember lying is normal.

When disciplining your child, your role is to help teach them what alternative things he or she could do instead of lying,” Kutner said. What to Do When Older Kids Lie School-Age and Big Kids (Ages 5 to 8) Between the ages of 5 and 8, children will tell more lies to test what they can get away with, especially lies related to school. It can also be helpful to talk to your child in an attempt to understand the “why” behind their lie at times that you are both calm and happy.

The objective of this is not to unearth the lies or make them feel bad for lying, but to honestly understand what their motivation for lying is.

List of related literature:

When talking to our kids about a suspected lie, make sure they’re doing the thinking.

“Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility” by Foster Cline, Jim Fay
from Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility
by Foster Cline, Jim Fay
The Navigators, 2014

Let your child know that the lie they tell is worse than whatever the behavior they are lying about.

“1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Or Asperger's” by Ellen Notbohm, Veronica Zysk
from 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Or Asperger’s
by Ellen Notbohm, Veronica Zysk
Future Horizons, Incorporated, 2010

Parents should not accuse the preschooler of lying, but rather the adult should help the child decide whether the story is pretend or real.

“Health Promotion Throughout the Life Span E-Book” by Carole Lium Edelman, Carol Lynn Mandle, Elizabeth C. Kudzma
from Health Promotion Throughout the Life Span E-Book
by Carole Lium Edelman, Carol Lynn Mandle, Elizabeth C. Kudzma
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2017

Instead of characterizing the utterances as “imaginative” or calling them “fibs,” concerned parents will try to determine the appropriate response for the lie.

“Managing the Millennials: Discover the Core Competencies for Managing Today's Workforce” by Chip Espinoza, Mick Ukleja
from Managing the Millennials: Discover the Core Competencies for Managing Today’s Workforce
by Chip Espinoza, Mick Ukleja
Wiley, 2016

Your child sees nothing wrong with lying.

“The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries” by Michele Borba
from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries
by Michele Borba
Wiley, 2009

Instead of characterizing the utterances as ‘‘imaginative’’ or calling them ‘‘fibs,’’ concerned parents will try to determine the appropriate punishment for the lie.

“Managing the Millennials: Discover the Core Competencies for Managing Today's Workforce” by Chip Espinoza, Mick Ukleja, Craig Rusch
from Managing the Millennials: Discover the Core Competencies for Managing Today’s Workforce
by Chip Espinoza, Mick Ukleja, Craig Rusch
Wiley, 2010

Let your teen know that you will have zero tolerance toward deception and that there is no such thing as a white lie.

“Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No” by John Townsend
from Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
by John Townsend
Zondervan, 2009

In many situations children pick up the habit of lying simply for the sake of entertainment and amusement.

“ESSENTIALS OF EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY” by S. K. MANGAL
from ESSENTIALS OF EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY
by S. K. MANGAL
PHI Learning, 2007

It’s better to make it clear that lying won’t be tolerated and risk a mistake than to allow your teen to lie without consequences.

“Your Defiant Teen, First Edition: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship” by Russell A. Barkley, Arthur L. Robin, Christine M. Benton
from Your Defiant Teen, First Edition: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship
by Russell A. Barkley, Arthur L. Robin, Christine M. Benton
Guilford Publications, 2008

When your child hears you telling “white lies,” he may not understand that you’re doing it to be tactful or in an effort to avoid hurting another person’s feelings.

“Caring for Your Baby and Young Child” by Steven P. Shelov
from Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
by Steven P. Shelov
Oxford University Press, 1997

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
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105 comments

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  • I love all the videos…I’m working my way through a whole bunch and now my husband wants to watch too! Wish I found you long ago!!

  • I love this My niece is lying and I know she is because her story has changed from every person she said it to now she has pulled my sister into believing it.

  • I have a foster brother who keeps lying. I told him mom is going to send him back if he keeps lying and he cried. That may not be the best approach but I also can’t use a belt or get physical either so…… whatever works.

  • I have a 3 year old who was super honest and just recently started getting into things when I’m not looking, things she’s not supposed to have or are even dangerous. She doesn’t deny/lie about what she does most of the time but has started trying to hide it which to me is basically the same thing as lying. How do I help her make good choices when Im not around.

  • Sometimes I also feel like when they ask questions about it, their tone makes it sound like: “When you tell me then, I’ll punish you”, but they’re trying to get you to say it. I also sometimes feel like I’m going to leave some sort of reputation. This video was very helpful even though I’m not a mom.

  • I have a friend who can do witchcraft. No matter what or how I tell them something, they LITERALLY ALWAYS know if I’m telling the truth or not. It’s scary

  • Problem is…she ain’t my kid. I hate to say this but the little girl is my friends daughter and she ALWAYS lies.Worst part is my friend just lets her get away with it.She is 4 and told her mom that her dad broke the Tv when 1.the tv didn’t have a scratch and 2.The dad wasn’t even home.Help me please I want the best for her because she is my god daughter but she is a monster with her lies ��

  • Thank you for your advice. I will have a question how can I discipline my one and half baby without letting him cry?
    because he gets ill and it ends in hospital with big seizure

  • Children lie because they are afraid. We need to remember we were children once. And try to meet them with patience, love and not impose force or instill fear in them. Be approachable to our children. So they can trust us with anything they need.

  • Never lie to your parents. They’re testing you to see if you have the integrity to be honest with them.

    If your parents ask you a question, be honest.

    So always have the integrity to be honest.

    If you lie to your military parents, you are going to be destroyed for it.

    Some parents love mass punishments. For example: let’s say… A teenager did something he’s not supposed to and his parents caught him doing that. They ask him a question and he didn’t have the integrity to be honest with them. Just because he did something he’s not supposed to and he gets caught doing that. Not only that he’s gonna get in trouble, but his siblings are gonna pay for the mistake that he did. If you get caught lying, you and your siblings are paying the price for it. It’s not just them.

  • Sometimes I tell the kids to do something like go to the toilet or brush your teeth and they’ll say I’ve done it, when I’m sure they haven’t I tell them “well do it again anyway”, that way the lying strategy doesn’t work and they lie much less often and you avoid an argument about them lyeing. But it doesn’t address the moral issue of lyeing.

  • Gave me shiver! My son says he is too poorly to get up every morning before school, funnily enough he is fine at the weekends and holidays. I am going to have to give this a go!  

  • Dr. Paul, how do you do it? How do you hit the nail on the head Every. Single. Time? Thank you isn’t enough, but I have no other words. THANK YOU for this video. THANK YOU for your channel. THANK YOU for your time. THANK YOU for sharing your wisdom. THANK YOU for being an incredible resource for parents. It’s the hardest job in the world, & we are so fortunate to have you!!!

  • Auntie here, this helped me out a lot! Caught the little one trying to sneak out fireworks from storage at age 5, but I was able to stay calm, asses the problem and deal with the lie of ” daddy asked me to help him get them.” Oh boy

  • I handled my kids lying this way until after the 3rd or 4th lie. Now lying is a separate offense punishable by grounding. So they get to deal with 2 punishments.

    When I question them them I tell them to think carefully how they respond because they don’t know what I already know. So they don’t really have a choice but to tell the truth.

    They have figured out that taking responsibility for their actions and dealing with the consequences head on is better than the alternative. Plus they feel good about themselves when they tell the truth.

  • Parents in America teach their children to lie. The problem with that is we are all one heart beat from death and facing the judgement of God who is all knowing. No matter what your parents taught you, you can’t BS God so stop thinking that you will talk your way out of his judgement because you won’t. Your only defense is the blood of Jesus.

  • How do you know if your child is lying or telling the truth? Sometimes you can tell but then sometimes you just have no clue. Especially when your 2 children have a fall out and you get 2 storys! You never know who is telling the truth! Sometime when your close by and they dont realise your listening you catch who started it and what happened next and then try to stop them but when you don’t overhear, your stuck on what to say when they run up saying he said this she said that.. Thank you. Us parents really cant thank you enough for your amazing videos!!

  • Hello Dr. Paul. My 7 year old girl always makes things up. I ask her about her day, and I never know what really happened. The teacher asks about her weekend, and she makes up stories that never happened. What do you suggest?

  • Noone stops loving their child-it is a little sickening for you to say, and kind of makes it harder. And yes, I’m tipped over by it, whether calm or not.

  • My boys almost never get in trouble, for the most part, they’re well behaved but my 9 yr old is starting to lie about simple stuff and it’s pissing me off. The first time he did it I whooped him and made him do a shit load of chores. I thought he learned his lesson but he just lied again this morning and now my 6 yr old is starting to do it too. I don’t want to whoop them but there has to be consequences for this behavior. Hopefully this will give me some insight.

  • yes all about collect record mean social so many different personality and body langugse and bond but parent fault and envirment and curiso hahaha my english is suck

  • This is so powerful! Thank you! And it was so fun to hear you mention Janine Brady! Her daughter Kirsten and I went to high school together at Olympus.

  • What about curious lying, not to get out of trouble, just to see what happens. Sometimes its tiresome and I really dont know about the thruth until following through.

  • All points correct. But doesn’t work to/with a child with parental alienation that changes personalities, effects/affects and behaviours that are or say one thing to one parent, but on occasions th target parent, when child has been coached/plan on occasions to what alienating parent says or what they think the alienated parent wants to do or say, even if effects/affects the targeted parent, but they are emotionallly bound/manipulated to the alienating parent. I might be an amazing person. But listern or don’t hear (or visa versa) when they say or acknowlege what you say, to make you happy or situation when with you, short term, but go back and behave the way they do/are with the alienting parent, master/slave relationship, or the one they think that pulls thier strings or general environment, they lie to appease the alienting parent, they lie to the target parent, both so they doesnt get in trouble by either, as even with 50/50 contact and positvie can not overcome an alenating parent, a narcissist…

  • Great advice. Loved how you’re guiding to better communication with words instead of emotion. Wounded folks have a hard time being empathetic I find. Thank you for the reminder and the ease of functionality. You make a seemingly difficult task doable

  • Thank you For sharing again you’re helpful thoughts about that topic.
    I would love to know more about some deeper thoughts about how we can change the behavior if we know the lying and the acts were from purpose? What we should do if a spoiled kindergarten age child is lying to make others to take a blame for his behavior/ actions or put others in difficult situations?
    How can a (not family related, but related grownup )can clear a child’s innocence if the lier/accuser is not yours and the accused child it is, or in other situation, if both the accuser and accused is not yours?
    I know in every a situation the honesty is crucial but what about in some of those situations when the trust is not there or hard to get?
    How we can clear the innocent child? The farther question is. Is it anyway to prevent/solve those difficult situations when the lier child’s trust is almost or absolutely impossible to get? What about if hey resisting and feel and show with their actions as they say:” I do what I want, whatever I want!” Are their lying or behavior can be helped or change when they feel, others, including grownups are title to obey for them?
    I know it’s a complex question, but hoping, you can give me some tools to work with.

  • Children do not lie just to get out of trouble. what about exaggerating on the truth? what do I do for that because it happens all the time

  • The thing is when a person is telling a truth they are more sloppy because they are being accused.

    However liars are somewhat more controlled so they don’t get detected.

    But you can just watch the video for that explanation.

  • Learn how to be a good parent and learn propper parenting skills and propper punishments and then maybe they will get out of there lying habbit

  • My 5 year old just started kindergarten and just started lying. He got his first “think sheet” from the teacher, aka your child did something wrong or that needs attention. Today he got his second stating a teacher confronted him on something he said and he lied to the teacher. Then when we got home he tried to hide the sheet from me but I got to it first with out him knowing. He then came up to me and told me he didn’t get any sheets telling me to look in his folder. So I will follow your advice. Do you think it would be profitable to write out a list of punishments and let him choose his punishment for lying?

  • Thank you for the video. Let me say I have two boys 5 and 7. My 5 year old started to lie all the time even about small stuff. I know I was doing something wrong.  The eye opener was when I told my 5 year to come here and he said, “I am scared.” That was it, I read books and listened to parent seminars trying to fix my concept of parenting. I am so glad I came across your video, it made me cry and hate that I was putting this type of fear in my kid. I applied it and it worked. It has been three weeks now with no discipline just giving my kids choices and staying completely calm doing all of it. Not easy at all. I had to get inside my own head and literally calm myself down before I give any response. It took about three days to really learn to stay calm. But I literally have compliant kids. It is nuts. When I am in distress they are as well. My 5 year does not lie anymore. He has no fear for my reaction and the consequence. He takes responsibility for what he has done. It is truly awesome.  Thank you again

  • My 8 years daughter lies so good to me about almost everything. I just don’t trust her anymore. Problem is that I have hard time managing my anger with her. If talk to her calmly she does it again and again if I get angry she follows the rule. But I am so tired. Knowing that I just got out from a divorce. How to fix this Dr PAUL?

  • I stole and lied and it took 5 years of flipping bricks running and extensive exercise and I still do it sometimes you ain’t saying nothing new

  • I came across your videos yesterday, and I can’t stop watching them!
    I would love it if you talkes about how to convince parents to respect their kids privacy, and if that has anything to do with kids stealing money. thank you for great content!

  • Great video! It helps a lot, specially with the examples you mentioned… Yes, I’m the guy for the examples 😉 one example worth a thousand words. It just works! Thank you very much!

  • Hello Doctor.. just yesterday my son lied to me…. Though I explained him on your lines.. but I was not sure whether he got it… With this video I’m clear… I can make it now… Thank you Doctor. All Your videos are of great help to me

  • Good evening. Can you give advice for child 6 years old to eat. I change his diet to dairy and gluten free and i have very difficult time encouraging him to eat. Thank you for all your previous videos it’s helpful ��

  • immediate impact for real, kids need attention like you dont believe. i was raised on whoopins, no talkin’, BREAK THE CYCLE, talk to your kids not at them

  • My Son 17…Tells Lies For No Reason. Silly Lies..Sometimes Hurtful Lies But Mostly Lies Just To Lie…Will This Technique Work For Children His Age.

  • We should have utilized this technology for the 2016 presidential election so we could have seen Trump’s big fat red nose.What a shame.

  • Thank you so much for this! I have 3 children from a previous marriage with a “covert narcissist”/anti-social personality disordered “man” whicu constituted a 10 year trainwreck. Im now remarried & am providing more stability for the kids but my middle child, (8 years old) has been bold faced lying in such a convincing way, we were starting to wonder if there was some sort of developmental issue. We couldnt figure out if he even recognized that he was lying. He even does it in the face of hard proof. I knew there was something we were missing & that he needed more attention, but didnt know what to do until your video hit the nail on the head.
    Weve been trying a firm approach with poor results, but now it seems so obvious. Trust with me has been damaged due to my lack of emotional availability both while in a chaotic abusive marriage, & then as a single working mom & lies their dad perpetuates to discredit & smear me. I married my 2nd husband after a very short courtship, and until now, we moved frequently so the kids probably feel like theres nothing steady they can hang onto. A firm “disciplinarian” approach isnt going to establish that trust & sense of safety.
    This talk provided new perspective and has given us a clear direction to take to focus on [re]establishing trust and relationship.
    Thank you again!

  • Me: Son, did you eat the cake batter?
    Son: No
    Also son: *Has cake batter smeared all over his body
    Son: It was my dad!
    Me: Dad is at work

  • I hate it when people tell you to look them in the eye and tell them the truth and then you will but then it’s hard not to smile when you look them in the eye so the they instantly say your lying

  • If I have been a terrible example as a parent because I yelled and threw tantrums and have curbed my behavior and am doing better and want to be a better model. If she is seven, is it too late to fix this all?

  • Wow I’ve just been rapped over the knuckles for my response to my child’s constant lying… I will be having some time out tonight and from tomorrow trying this method. I came here in desperation after another lie blow out but feeling like there is hope now.

  • My boy never tells me anything how do I get him to be like a friend with me //to tell me everything???!!!! ��������I thank you so much

  • Okay I’m a little confused is this for teenagers or four young children because I have a 16 year old getting ready to be 17 and this is not going to work on him

  • Hi I’m a kid and I have a problem with lying.:( The reason is bc I feel like the questions are manipulating me and I often get scared of the consequence and don’t want to admit it bc I don’t want to everyone to view me as “oh she did this, she’s bad!” you know?

  • Every behavior has a goal or a purpose. A lie has a goal. Often the child isnt aware of the goal. The best response is to determine the goal align with the child and acquire the goal. In adoption and foster children the goal is to feel connected or securely attached. So then we address the goal not the behavior while not approving of the behavior. First validate the emotions the child is feeling. Then create an attachment experience. Verbal responses wont work because you are dealing with limbic processes.You must create an experience that sharply contradicts the childs emotional state in the moment. That experience is created by a touch, hug, eye contact, calm accepting voice, and body language. Spoken words wont be effective.

  • Unfortunately, these solutions won’t work for baby Trump. Love him No way, never. Trump has over 16,000+ lies while in office. Any other suggestions?

  • I disagree with this transdermal technique, because their are physical condition which influence the blood flow like vascular, heart, skin and other.

  • This makes me feel super bad. We just got permanent custody of my step daughter and she has a huge lying problem. We have been putting her in time outs and everything for lying it it is not stopping. She would get in trouble for telling us what was going on over with her mom. We been putting more hurt when she already has internal issues. She has been in counciling but I feel this may help. She has never had stability so telling her how much we love her and all this good stuff would most likely be good for her to know. We know we love her but I’m sure it can never be said to her enough how much we love having her here safe with us.

  • This is crap my children have no trauma and neglect so where does that fit I if they lie of course we are going to get upset!!! They need consequences! Ugh advise from an idiot

  • Thank you for this. My 4 year old has just started the lying about anything and everything. Hard work now makes it easier later. Love this

  • Like seriously the kids who always got caught on lying now they know the secret of lying were you teaching parents to catch there children or children to fool there parents
    Wtf???

  • Question: what if your child has memory problems and may or may not remember the lie they told, even just a couple of hours ago? Will this technique still help? Should the delay be shorter (say, an hour)?

  • Better summary of what this guy is trying to say: Act calm and don’t get emotional when you want to find out the truth with your child. Ask your child calmly if they are lying when it’s obvious. Keep questioning them in a calm manner. Tell them how it makes you feel when they lie to you. Their fears of you will perpetuate any lies…don’t make them feel fearful.

  • I tell my kids, “You are being punished for (misbehavior) because there are always consequences for doing things you shouldn’t, but since you told the truth, and I know that was so hard, you will not get (bigger or additional punishment), which is the positive consequence for telling the truth.”

  • atleast these are cool parents…some of the parents beat the shit outt of them or killem over this stupid shit that kids ALLLLWAAAAAYYYS do its in nature..thumbs up on aaa video that the kids get a learning experience rather than a funeral experience forever good job mom anddad

  • The essence is to interact with kids on equal terms. They are little human beings, not pets, slaves or idiots. I think we should respect people. Unfortunately the most parents don’t respect their childs like adult human beings. Although they are more sensitive, that’s so cruel.

  • My brother is kinda hard to detect when he’s telling the truth because he’s so good at lying.
    When he is in good mood,he’d try to hide his smiles but when he’s pissed off or trying hard to lie,he would shout and curse at you for confronting him and would claim that he’s not lying..But he actually is,if not for the evidence,he’d easily get away and duh he’s the only one who is good in stealing money. His reaction when hes telling the truth and lying is the same.He’d shout and curse because of you accusing him.

  • Thank you for the great tip. My kid is now 12 and he is showing lot of change in his behaviour. What he often do nowadays is that he hides lot of information from us. I hope I can bring him to talking and expressing himself by these tips.

  • I have an almost 4 year old who has already started lying occasionally.. usually about hitting his little sister.. and I never know whether to address it and give consequences or pretend I didn’t catch it… OR address it and leave it a small deal ���� when I address it and say “you intentionally hurt your sister and that’s wrong. Don’t do it again please.” He’ll come up with a story and just get into more lying

  • No you are wrong the only person I lied to was my mother who never beat me because I knew I could But at my father who gave me licks I knew I could not get away with it EVER so I never lied to him

  • i might be the only one here that aint got kids,i am here cause i used to lie and a lot!! even when i dont need to lie id make up a whole movie and belive it mt self.. now that im 22 and looking back the horrible lies i said and ruin some ppls days, any explains?? is it okay as 12-16 kid to lie this much and belive without any cares worrys? thank u

  • Nah, there are some pychopath children out here that I have witnessed manipulate and lie to their parents like no body’s business.

  • When I lie I make a fake laugh so the person knows it but then she thinks it’s real
    And when I tell the truth I laugh and nobody believes me

  • Not all children have had traumatic events to happen to them for them to lie. Some children lie because it gets them what they want. Feeling sorry or being sad is not the biggest consequence of someone lieing. Children who cant or dont adapt to this method end up in greater conflicts or worst prison. Fear is not always a bad thing it can actually keep you alive. Dont embrace the lie by ignoring it that does not help your child. Thats not teaching them reality of the situation. The consequence of lieing should be feared because wrong has been done.

  • I was raised on @$$ whoopings and I grew up fine but i will not raise my kids on whoopings because nowadays this method will not work on this generation lol smdh

  • I used to says “why’, then I realized it not good. Now I just says ‘Tell me what happened here’ and my kid said ‘ I didnt do anything’ ( sometime I know it is a lie ). Then I remind him that, ‘I didnt say that you did anything, I just want to know what happened, unless you want the consequences of your lying/action’. Usually he came clean after that.

    He only 4yo.

  • In my quest to be a better mother for our 2.5yo daughter by watching these videoes, I find myself substituting ‘your child’ with ‘your husband’.:) So very helpful!

  • I need to find people who can relate.

    Does anybody else get called a bad liar because you accidentally smile when people accuse you of lying when you are telling the truth?

  • I am very bad at this empathy pary. I was not raised with it. And I have been trying,but it seemed to not be in my tool belt when I need it.

  • I wish I had had you on my team 19 years ago. The last tip is great. I have the problem that none of the 7 kids did it. And I don’t even have a poltergeist to ask. So I stay angry a lot longer than is healthy.

  • Hi doctor Paul
    I have a question for you
    My daughter was doing homework and she got the answer book try cheat from that and I caught her
    How can I punish her saying lie to me

  • The only questionable part of this talk is: “those young children who have the abilities for lying, have the same abilities to function well later in our society”. No… Not if they don’t develop other useful and positive abilities along the way! WHat if as they grow up, these children develop manipulative traits and selfish motives, like most politicians or people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These people are dangerous to our society. This research needs to make connections with the study of psychology to make complete sense.

  • I’m a child now in 2020, I’m 12 and I do remember myself lying in a period of time from my old school,(I was quite rebellious, a Bruh girl actually and I was kind of a leader for my group and being sneaky on the school bus, while climbing on the seats.) I wouldn’t lie, but I would just not get caught because I’d get in trouble) After 2 or 3 years, I had never lied or pranked because,(1, I can’t be bothered and 2, I just can’t pull a face and am always wanting to do everything right)����

  • Yesssss…. my girl (9) once lied,when she was 6,and I didn’t punish her or get mad. Somehow I knew I have to stay quiet because it is started if she gets frightened she will deny it and once she gets punishment she will know okay it’s fine I can do it it’s just punishment. So I asked her do you know about lie? “Yes from school “. So you know the result. It’s good that you know about it, it’s okay we all lie once or twice in lifetime… but think as you have your brain and a good heart is it good to tell lie to mummy?
    Trust me that’s it she never lied to me or even she tried she fell in smiling… and I pat my back well done me but I have a boy (5) as well so it’s not over….

  • he said 90% of the kids peak, my question is did the kids who followed the rules get a big prized or where they lied to about the outcome.

  • Who else is here cuz they’re a kid and they want to avoid making all actions that’ll make your parents realize you’re lying!?��‍♀️��‍♀️

    Only me? Okay��

  • Haha sometimes I pretend to lie and act like I’m really bad at lying, so then when I actually lie nobody knows since they all think I’m a bad lier

  • me ; holding laugh when telling truth
    people minds ; he is trying to hold his emotion, that means he lied
    me ; whapfft n-ahaha noo im -hahaha tellinfftt the trufhhhth
    people ; liers
    me ; booli ;c

  • Some good thoughts.  What happens when you approach your child in their safe state and tell them that their lying/behaviour hurts and the child just doesn’t care, they simply have no empathy and no desire to change?

  • This is definitely in the top 1o parenting videos. Thank you.. ��
    Tips I haven’t heard before.
    My favorite is “what do you think you could do next time?

  • I love your videos! Thank you for your great advices. I do need them in so many levels. I have a wonderful, but sometimes difficult 3.5 years old, and an almost adult very negative stepson.
    I would love to hear actually more some advice about how to deal with step children in difficult situations.
    Looking forward to see them.
    My stepson constantly redirecting with his upsetting behavior our conversation. I try to stay calm or bring him back to the original issue…..because I already know his plans…..but he is just so good about it. I just loos it after a while, and many times we couldn’t really talk about the real issues. Things turn into arguments.
    Although it happened when he really needed help or he was in a kind of a difficult situation he seat down with us to have a calm, and looked like real conversation.
    For so long I thought, maybe now his transition will happen and learned from his mistake, he is going to change….BUT I can’t anymore. He cried wolf too many times for me. I do believe, in those situations he just said many times what we as I and my husband want it to hear. I say that, because soon as he felt his situation was stable again, he transferred back to be his old himself. My husband is doing what you say: “Love your kids wherever, even if….”but I got hurt so many times. I can’t do it anymore.
    From that reason we do have disagreements with my husband as well, how we should deal with him in some situations.
    How to deal with a basically talented, smart 21 years old who just moved back to our house again. He is very lazy, not motivated, constantly lying, doesn’t really look like wanted to get a job, but wants to play on X-box, and even he does not have much saved money and doesn’t even know when he’s going to have a job, constantly spending on energy drinks and sodas.
    Please direct me on some of your lectures if you already have some about these issues. I keep watching them, but couldn’t find what I am looking for. Thank you!

  • Who else was confused when you were younger and were too lazy to brush teeth and ur parents would know every single time when u didn’t and did brush teeth no matter how good u think you lied they still knew like if this happened to you

  • most of the audience think the 1st child lying cause it a boy
    YES! They did not care about the face or emotion or something
    they care about the gender
    they see the boy and think that the boy is lying
    they even didn’t think about the girl

  • I think I’m a good liar xD the trick is to make yourself believe that you aren’t lying so you can look at the person in the eye and not flinch, grin or smile. Play mind tricks on yourself. Imma beat his system:)

  • So what happens when you’ve done this for years and the lies continue? I’m sure this isn’t the case for everyone but it’s been my experience that this hasn’t worked. I wish it had bc we just had another extremely serious lie come up and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

  • Oh my gosh, stepping out of every line with the mentioned app.
    As you’ve said already, it’s people’s mentality, that’s the ability you are born with, or however it is defined. It’s up to your parents or you as an adult to behave.
    From my perspective it is forcing, you wanna know people’s emotions, without asking them.
    It is pretty personal.
    Maybe, just maybe, with some improvement it could be used with politics and stuff like that.
    But personal, imagine some big company, having a program or app or whatever in their hands, so they could test your emotions or basically having your health report so they could make decisions about their product. I think it is a violation of human rights.

  • I agree that this does seem like it would be an effective method but how do you stop the disobedience that causes the temptation to lie in the first place?

  • Lie is a skill that is taught to a child either directly or indirectly by the parent. So a child that lies to the parent is just a mirror. Change yourself first then pass it down. Children are not born liars we teach them how to be liars. They are born ready to learn. Clean like a sheet of paper ready to be written on.

  • Thank you For sharing again your helpful thoughts about that topic. They are incredible! I am even going to ride them down, because probably in some heated situations I will going to forget these phrases.
    They are gold!
    I would love to know more about some deeper thoughts….What we can do with those spoiled kindergarten age child whose lyings are specifically made up for make others to take a blame for their behavior/ actions or put others in difficult situations?
    How can a (not family related, but related grownup )can clear the other child’s innocence and give them a good feeling if the lier/accuser is not yours and the accused child it is, or in other situation, if both the accuser and accused is not yours?
    I know in every a situation the honesty is crucial but what about in some of those situations when the trust /respect is not there or hard to get? Worse, the child is not want to seat to talk, keep making excuses and running away. Also the child knows from past experiences, if you can’t make any clarity on your own at the same day, to bring up the past is impossible because seems to be no right moment or the guardian of a child is brushing off the situation?
    How we can clear the situation?
    Is it anyway to prevent/solve those difficult times, when the lier child’s trust is almost or absolutely impossible to get? What about if they resisting and feel and show with their actions as they say:” I do what I want, whatever I want!”
    Is it anyway their lying or behavior can be helped or change when they feel, others, including grownups are title to obey for them?
    I know it’s a complex question, but hoping, you can give me some tools to work with.

  • Children often lie or tell you something that is untrue, because they wish it had happened that way. For instance if they tell you they did something far better, jumped far higher than they did. They wish they had done it…
    I just ask them then if it really happened or if they wished it had happened they normally admit it was untrue.

  • Thank you for being a part of my team! I’m glad you’re on my squad and I needed to hear this! It was right on time! I was wondering if you’re able to read that book I told you about!?

  • Hello, I’m a preschool teacher and use your children videos as tools for my classroom. I do have a question for a video request, I have a 3 year old classroom, my entire class is extremely well behaved and follow my directions very well, I think because of applying your tips in my classroom, but I have a student who just recently started in my classroom, he is always hurting my friends, and when i sit with him and talk about what hurting my friends is doing, and explaining that my friends don’t like it, and have my students tell him when he is hurting them that they don’t like it, he continues to do so, also he doesn’t follow directions at all, with all of my students seated on the carpet ready for learning time, I ask him to sit with his friends, he tells me no and that he is going to do what he wants to do, I give him the two options he adds his own third choice and doesn’t follow my two choices, when I talk to mommy, she says that’s just who he is and there is nothing wrong with him saying no and there is nothing wrong with him not following my instructions… you can see where the problem starts. What can I do or how can I handle this situation?

  • I love all your videos, you are amazing and ever so inspiring. I just love your positive and caring approach about everything. Your family is ever so lucky to have you around to ground them with love, respect, confidence and maturity. Thank you for helping so many of us with all your videos which are life changing

  • What about for a rebelious 13 year? I heard you say foster and adopted children, what about step children who doesn’t respect or care about you?

  • I can see this working for little kids but not for teenagers. The problem is is that you are making this personal and about your feelings. What about the consequences? When does not come up?

  • Maybe he was lying he “doesn’t know” this is what I hear all the time. What if child know what is wright and still does it, no matter what consequences are?

  • im a child mentor, i have 2 sisters, one of them will lie, constantly, you can see her in the mist of doing it, and she will still lie, she keeps getting kicked out of school, she is 9, she wont let me help her, its so sad, the mom needs help, and i wanna help her, help the child

  • This is not true I knew when I was a kid not to lie to my family but it was okay to lie to strangers and that is what I have passed on to my child.

  • I am a product of toxic parents. Now that I am a single mom. I realized that I need to stay away from them even if I know it will not be easy. Now they’re spreading lies why I got out of the house. Funny and crazy. But parents also lie a lot.

  • Wow, asking “is there something that’s not making you feel safe enough with me to tell me the truth?” when you suspect they’re lying… is such a good one! Making them feel safe to have a space for them to be honest (without me having a “hairy fit” )

  • So helpful! I can definitely use some work in approaching things in a way that doesn’t get my kiddo on the defensive. Thanks for the tips.