How Positive Attention Can Help To Eliminate Behavior Problems


Helping Attention Seeking Children

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How Positive Attention Helps Children. When kids receive regular doses of healthy, positive attention, they reduce their attention-seeking behaviors. Kids are less likely to whine, ask the same question over and over, or start poking at their sibling when they’ve been given regular doses of positive attention. Another way to ward off the attention-seeking behavior of non-compliance was to give your child daily doses of positive attention. Play a game together, spend time talking, or go for a walk.

Just a few minutes of positive attention can go a long way to reducing defiance. Many students with attention problems have trouble falling asleep at night. It is helpful for them to have an established routine for going to bed at night. For example, they could read a book or have a book read to them. They can engage in stretching exercises before getting in.

You can reduce unwanted attention seeking behaviors by focusing on your child’s needs for unconditional love and connection. Children feel a true sense of connection when parents slow down and take the time to be with their child, in their world. Positive feedback emphasizes good behavior. It teaches children to think. Punishment draws attention to misbehavior.

Positive feedback increases motivation. Punishment can have a negative effect on motivation. Positive feedback creates feelings of success. Punishment can cause children to feel like failures.

Positive reinforcement When a child with attention or behavior problems has a tendency to run away from parents or bolt away, there is a real safety concern. Given a large crowd of people or a busy street, safety is priority. The above strategies should be used in safer conditions.

IF BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS OCCUR: Ignore them and do not give the individual attention until he has communicated–either with prompting or independently–that he wants your attention.Ignoring the behavior can be done by quietly redirecting the child if they are in danger of hurting themselves or others, without mentioning the behavior or talking to them about it. When you reinforce your child’s good choices with positive attention, he is more likely to make good choices in the future and engage in less attention-seeking behavior. One of the most effective responses to an attention-seeking behavior is ignoring the behavior. Positive interactions might include focused, specific praise, non-verbal exchanges (e.g., smile or ‘thumbs-up’ from across the room), or even an encouraging note written on the student’s homework assignment.

These positive interactions are brief and can often be. BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS. What steps can be followed to resolve a child’s constant mis behavior? 1. If possible, meet with the child and describe in exact terms the behavior you find unacceptable in the classroom.

2. During the discussion, explain the reason(s) why you find the behavior unacceptable. 3.

List of related literature:

Increasing positive behavior may help reduce negative behavior because the student receives more feedback and attention.

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from Dynamic Physical Education for Elementary School Children
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others, even when theoretically “negative”, can serve to increase the frequency of the learners attention-seeking behavior.

“Comprehensive Dictionary of Education” by Maqbool Ahmad
from Comprehensive Dictionary of Education
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For example, to decrease attention-maintained behavior, one might deliver attention every 5 minutes.

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A second way to increase a behavior is by applying negative reinforcement after a response is made.

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Positive reinforcement increases the frequency of a behaviour by following the behaviour with a favourable event (e.g. praising a child for excellent school performance).

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For example, the positive reinforcement of parental attention will increase positive child behavior, whether that behavior reflects assertiveness or cooperation (Chase & Eyberg, 2008).

“Evidence-Based Psychotherapies for Children and Adolescents, Second Edition” by John R. Weisz, Alan E. Kazdin
from Evidence-Based Psychotherapies for Children and Adolescents, Second Edition
by John R. Weisz, Alan E. Kazdin
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Positive behavior support approaches focus on creating positive learning environments and teaching alternative ways of behaving.

“Learners on the Autism Spectrum: Preparing Highly Qualified Educators” by Kari Dunn Buron, Pamela J. Wolfberg, Carol Gray
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The child is rewarded by the attention and therefore continues or even increases the negative behavior, although the teacher may not realize (at least at first) that the attentive behaviors are rewarding him.

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from Social Groups in Action and Interaction
by Charles Stangor
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However, even when they want to increase a behavior (e.g., homework completion, interacting nicely with one’s sibling), the strategy is invariably the same: Develop contingencies that reinforce positive, prosocial behavior.

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from Parent Management Training: Treatment for Oppositional, Aggressive, and Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents
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Oxford University Press, 2005

• Effective behavior modification: positive behaviors are encouraged and repeated if they result in a pleasurable outcome.

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Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

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  • Thank you so much for these wonderful videos! My 8 year old son improved drastically today after I applied methods from watching your videos. He apologized and cried to me about his behaviors and I accepted and said it’s a new day and it’s okay now as we’re both changing for the better. I was at a complete loss before seeing these videos. Time-outs, yelling, making faces, taking toys away, and taking away privileges never worked! He got more resentful and angry. Today was truly a breakthrough! 

  • My 5 years old boy take from
    1to 2 hrs to finish his lunch or dinner or breakfast. My son after 7 spoons of food says he is full, so I have give less food. I thought maybe will help but still taking up still 2 hrs. I only cook one meal everybody. Any advice thanks

  • Thank u so much. I am a mother of 2 year old son and I am really worried about his behavior. He is getting stubborn and when he starts to cry he cries for 1 hour literally. I am worried because I want to raise him right. I need guidance. Please help.

  • Fantastic ��.. we have 2 ears and 1 mouth.. use them proportionately. You never cease to teach me new things, thank you!!! At the end you mentioned “rant, rave, rescue” can you tell me which videos you go into detail on those? Thank you again and God bless!! ��

  • The kids I’m babysitting are being so annoying right now they aren’t getting off the iPad and even when they do they refuse to do anything but wrestle and hurt each other and me, I’m only ten but I need this

  • What you call empowering there choice to me seems like a sick and twisted mind game. Of course he’d want a straight answer from you. Your giving him the illusion of power. Your tricking him. Of course he doesn’t have a choice, he ether go’s and disobeys you or stays confused/conflicted on whether he should have gone.

    If you would have outright told him he couldn’t go at least he’d have a tangible reason why. Now he has himself to blame for not going, despite your reassurances that the “power” is in his hands. Now Instead of battling you (the father) he’s battling himself, inner conflict is the worst type of conflict. It’s much easier to accept the outcome of something when it’s not in your control, if he’s anything like me he’d be laying in bed every his for a few days thinking what if.

    Would you want to risk your child developing this manipulative tactic they learn from there father and use it in his own life? It’s called a double bind, you control the outcome and both opinions are bad. You give the illusion of choice but you control the opinions all along.

    Horrible, horrible people use this trick, abusers, cheaters, liers, manipulaters, antisocial people, bullys, the list go’s on and one.

  • Other than take internet off them, I don’t really know what else, as they don’t go anywhere with the pandemic and I don’t get pocket money so kinda stuck in what other things to think of? ����‍♀️

  • So what do I do with my stepdaughter who is always angry about her school or friends and let’s it out on me by ignoring me at times?

  • 1. Stay calm, keep breathing.
    2. Remember what you control.
    3. Empower what the kids control, honor their choice.
    4. Listen.
    5. Use empathy rather than anger.

  • Not sure how we are ever going to learn from each other if we are not willing to see other people’s experience as valid and meaningful.  How can you say piss poor parenting?  She has called in an expert to help!  Food as a reward or food as a motivator….you have to start somewhere.  The parameters of reinforcement say you meet them where they are at.  If they are motivated by food, fine.  Work toward intrinsic rewards, but START SOMEWHERE.  Drives me batty to hear people tear apart solutions without understanding the problem.  ODD is not a result of bad parenting.

  • the people shaming have no no no clue how horrible ODD is. I’m literally at my wits end. I cry every day. I’m trying to find her a good Christian therapist as of now..

  • ” If you want to eat dinner, make your bed”…?? The last time I thought eating was a necessity and not a “privilege”?….Why not be smarter and teach something that actually goes…for instance…not making the bed? No video games.

  • my 3 year old does not respond to time-out or spanking or punishment. I have to guide her and redirect her emotions too. I also use trading: candy for potty. Park later for nap time..hope she learns to be structured. I just got her about 2 months ago.

  • Stubborn kids are possessed by a demon. They need deliverance instead of lying. I have seen many manifesting unclean spirits confessing theirs evil doings in the life of someone.

  • Can u just help me as to how to deal with stubborn and aggressive teen who hits her mom pathetically when not getting wat she wants and misbehaving too at the same time using slang.

  • My two adult kids knew that I was the mother and what I said was the rule. There were swats on the bottom, I would not tolerate disrespect with myself or those of authority. As an educator, I am limited to what can be done to children, one of my students that screams ODD was removed from my class by 4 teachers kicking and screaming, then when he got home his mother purchased him concert tickets if he promised to behave. Since he was rewarded for his bad behavior he came back just as defiant as he was before. My mother would have tanned my hide and I would have known better. Cant wait to retire

  • I need help. My brother 18 yrs old is in love and in a realtionship. And my parents especially my mother wishes him to, she met the girl and their parents in order to control her son. He doesn’t listen to anybody and hates mom. What do we do now in such a situation being an elder daughter of the family. I am worried, I understand both situations but i am unable to control both. Help pls

  • The reason why teens and children are stubborn:
    4th grader me: Can I have a phone.
    Parents: When you are in high school. ��
    5 years later
    9th grader me: Can I have a phone.
    Parents: uhhhhh fine ����
    4th grader sister: Can I have a phone?��
    Parents: Sure thing����
    Me: What that’s so not fair.����
    Parents: Shut up other wise imma take your phone and it will be you sister’s new phone��
    Me: ������

  • Get back to old school parenting! You are in charge not the child. Dont give in to them or bribe them. You are teaching them that they are the boss.

  • My four year old says he doesn’t want to brush his teeth until one of them fall out, lol! He is so stubborn he says all the time we wants what he wants and doesn’t want what he doesn’t want. I appreciate the tips!! He’s a work in progress. He also has a high IQ for his age. Talks non-stop and has to be constantly entertained. Ahh, ha ha!

  • hey,if anyone else wants to discover how to talk to your child try Loctavan Teaching Toddler Strategy ( search on google )? Ive heard some super things about it and my work buddy got amazing success with it.

  • Certainly several very useful strategies demonstrated in this video.  I wonder if there is a better way to prepare the kids for an enjoyable dinnerone that does not require sitting on the couch followed by sitting at the dinner table.  I suspect even well-functioning adults might take issue with so much sitting before the dinner service.  As I watched the kids sit (twice) before dinner, I got the sense that this process was awfully controlling.  What might happen if dinner was served for everybody who was ready to enjoy a pleasant meal?  Anybody who chooses not to be ready can enjoy dinner later.  The consequence is twofold.  First, the child is not able to join the family for dinner.  Second, dinner is likely to get cold.  This approach offers choices and logical consequences that does not involve so much effort to control behavior.  Offer copious praise for the kids who choose to enjoy a pleasant meal with the family.  Just a thought.

  • I remember my DAD if I asked can I go to the party he responce it’s up to you that is not what I expect him to say on the end I choose not to go hahahA

  • I was taught by a genius with discipline. And on days that someone was “acting up or out” he would say “hey let’s get pizza tonight?” And the child who misbehaved, was told “Oh no, earlier you told me by your behavior you didn’t want Pizza. It was simple and never even had to be completely followed through with. The fear of pizza deprivation was enough!

  • OH MAN, THIS VIDEO IS FOR ME. The one thing that helps the most with my toddler is speaking calmly to him (as calm as I can be) and explaining to him the reasoning behind what I’m telling/asking him to do. The other thing that works is that when he wants to keep saying no when i speak calmly, I raise my intonation (not necesarily my volume) and he gets kind of ‘woken up’ and accepts what I say. The other thing is that I’m teaching him to count from 1 to 10 when he gets agitated, we do it together and then I ask him if he feels calm:)

    Your videos have helped us tremendously, kudos and blessings to you and your work team.

  • you are contradicting your own statements. you give someone 2 choices both of which are acceptable to you as a parent. in the party case, technically you are not okay with them going. if you acknowledge that they could go, it also means, you are mature enough to accept that choice without being passive aggressive or sulking if they did pick that choice. if picking a choice you do not agree with has a consequence that feels a little manipulative to me.

  • Do children with ODD have ‘meltdowns’ similar to those with ASD? Can children with ODD be reasoned with? I have been told my daughter may have this, but I’m not too sure. The behaviours fit, but I think the motivation for the behaviour isn’t the same as ODD. She cannot be reasoned with, and telling her she can eat when she has made her bed would result in several things, none of them being her making her bed. Even were I to win one battle, it does not have a long term effect on her behaviour we would just go through the same each day, without making any actual progress towards better choices.

  • and what if they dont wanna do the bed nor have dinner? should we let them starve? or should we give them something small?? even when u ask them again do the bed and they dont do it… what should we do next?

  • One issue I have is regulating emotion. Your number 1 tip is very hard for me and my husband, “your child can’t regulate your emotions, but you can”; we both have adhd. We follow the line for a few days then everything begins to slip without realising. Our daughter is also adhd..surprise surprise.

  • I just found this channel and many issues or behavior mentioned/explained/pointed-out I recognize in our day-to-day life. We have rarely that things escalate, but I would like to still improve the way we communicate and handle situations better. However, I feel most of the tips and do/donts is for older children. My oldest is just 3 and I think most of the advice I can’t use yet, as she is mentally not in a state where she can comprehend and think it through. Do you have a playlist (I didn’t find one regarding age) or some kind of keyword when going through your videos, on which one can find only the one for younger children? Often the title speaks to what I want to improve and then I end up with advice for children of age 6 or older.
    Thank you for those videos! I have started watching 1 or 2 every day and hope the advice/tips will come to me when the situation calls for it!

  • This is some what a help for us. Unfortunately it sometimes is so hard to keep going on this way if your child doesn’t care howmuch there is on the plate. if we give him more because he wants less, it will turn in a fit. If we would give him less like the video we would make a fit for that. in every way we tried. diner, toys, to choose to play outside, inside, on his room or pcgames. it helps for a few days.. I guess our boy is a bit moer stubborn? or a bit more in his own way of going. Still though, this way is our way of rayising our kids, it helps the most but not allways

  • Staying calm and taking a deep breath… instead of reacting. Taking a deep breath can help us manage our emotions and find a better way to deal with them…great video!:)

  • my third daughter get up every morning angry she never wants to get up get ready for school i don’t know what to do don’t know when she grow up:( mother of 4 kids plus dealing with their Stubborn child so hard.

  • Love that I stumbled across your channel. Can you please do a similar video where you focus on toddler tantrums? I’m sure many of the same rules apply, but I find that some of these tips are better suited for older kids/teens. Would love to understand how to better handle my 2.5yo not listening/being defiant/having total meltdowns. Very stressful! And with another baby on the way, I’m panicking a little. Thank you!

  • These videos have helped me so much ♥️ I was raised by a narcissistic pastor and I literally have no idea how to empathize with my kids. All I ever heard growing up was basically “Stop feeling that negative stuff; you’re making me look bad.” So….thank you for these videos. Day by day, moment by moment, I’m finding my way through this parenting journey.

  • Thank you so much for putting all this time and effort into this channel and making such compact, comprehensive and high-quality knowledge available for us, you make me feel confident and secure as a soon to be mom:) Keeping the three stages of maturity in mind, I was wondering what you think of Montessori’s approach, especially her views on independence? I would really appreciate it if you could share your point of view. Greetings from Turkey, Esra.

  • Yo have a little girl tha is having a temper tantrum, I like to see if you can deal with a 9,10 11 or 13 year old that throw things, curse etc. And you can’t trick into calm down

  • I smile now when I lay down the law so to speak, and he cant stand it and gets worried very worried. haha I love it! you have been a help. now again can we please do a video on how to stop older kid from tantruming, a.k.m.throwing a hudge screaming fit. please?

  • Please explain giving examples more often. Sometimes I watch the videos but don’t know to implement your teachings. Thank you for your channel.