How People Pleasing Plays a role in Bullying and the way to Stop It

 

6 Steps to Stop People Pleasing and Start Doing What’s Right For You

Video taken from the channel: Vanessa Van Edwards


 

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser (a MUST for Confidence)

Video taken from the channel: Confidence Coaching with Gwun


 

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Teach People How You Want to be Treated

Video taken from the channel: Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc.


 

5 Tips to STOP People Pleasing

Video taken from the channel: RICHARD GRANNON


 

The Dark Side of PEOPLE PLEASING

Video taken from the channel: Crappy Childhood Fairy


 

Why People Pleasing is Hurting You | Salma Hindy | TEDxUofT

Video taken from the channel: TEDx Talks


 

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Video taken from the channel: The School of Life


Many kids who struggle with people-pleasing worry that others will view them as selfish if they start honoring their own needs and saying no. Typically when a child struggles with people-pleasing, they are so far from being a selfish person that even with radical changes in their lives they are still more generous and kind than most. Bullying can also occur through the use of technology, which is called electronic bullying or cyberbullying. A young person can be a perpetrator, a victim, or both (also known as “bully/victim”).

For more information about bullying definitions please see Bullying Surveillance Among Youths: Uniform Definitions for Public Health and. How to Stop People-Pleasing Yesterday one of the followers of my Facebook page alerted me to a recent ABC news story on bullying. In it, an expert pointed out that people-pleasers are the.

Practice with them on how to act and respond to bullying, including by using role plays. Suggest ways to respond to children who bully others, including telling them to stop, use humor, walk away, and get help. Get more tips about how to respond to bullying external icon. Children might not always know when they are bullying another child. Youth involved in bullying play many different roles.

Witnessing bullying is upsetting and affects the bystander, too. Bystanders have the potential to make a positive difference in a bullying situation by becoming an upstander. An upstander is someone who sees what happens and intervenes, interrupts, or speaks up to stop the bullying.

Workplace bullying is harmful, targeted behavior that happens at work. It might be spiteful, offensive, mocking, or intimidating. It forms a pattern, and it tends to be directed at one person or a.

10 Ways to Stop Bullying. Written by Rebecca Desfosse. 18 April, 2017. Bullying affects every aspect of your life. Bullies make you feel hurt, scared and lonely, and can even affect your schoolwork. According to The Nation’s Health in 2010, studies show that around 15 to 25 percent of kids are being bullied on a regular basis, so you are not. Along with other risk factors, bullying can increase the risk for suicide-related behaviors.

Furthermore, cyberbullying can be relentless, increasing the likelihood of anxiety and depression. Some states have chosen to prosecute young people who bully for criminal. In order to stop the spread of bullying from the leadership level down to students, start by looking within your own classroom. After a bad day or tense interaction with a colleague, try not to bring negativity into your teaching.

Focus your energy on cultivating a learning environment built on positivity, openness, and support. At first, people-pleasing might come across as a selfless act. But people-pleasing is actually a selfish act because you’re trying to control someone else’s reaction towards you by behaving in a certain way.

In fact, people-pleasing is more about the desire to be in control than it is to please other people.

List of related literature:

One such technique is to separate the “bullying” and the “bullied” parts, to expose the inappropriateness of the harsh criticism.

“Oxford Guide to Metaphors in CBT: Building Cognitive Bridges” by Richard Stott, Warren Mansell, Paul Salkovskis, Anna Lavender
from Oxford Guide to Metaphors in CBT: Building Cognitive Bridges
by Richard Stott, Warren Mansell, et. al.
OUP Oxford, 2010

Few studies have examined empirically the effect of different reward systems on workplace bullying.

“Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace: Developments in Theory, Research, and Practice, Second Edition” by Stale Einarsen, Helge Hoel, Dieter Zapf, Cary Cooper
from Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace: Developments in Theory, Research, and Practice, Second Edition
by Stale Einarsen, Helge Hoel, et. al.
CRC Press, 2010

Other responses focus on establishing respectful behaviour between people to minimise bullying.

“Learning to Teach in the Primary School” by Teresa Cremin, James Arthur
from Learning to Teach in the Primary School
by Teresa Cremin, James Arthur
Taylor & Francis, 2014

Counselling and rehabilitating employees involved in bullying.

“Managing Organizational Deviance” by Roland E. Kidwell, Christopher L. Martin
from Managing Organizational Deviance
by Roland E. Kidwell, Christopher L. Martin
SAGE Publications, 2005

Social dominance theory and research by Anthony Pellegrini and colleagues suggests that victims of bullying may themselves target weaker peers to gain status and notoriety among peers.

“Encyclopedia of Human Relationships: Vol. 1-” by Harry T. Reis, Susan Sprecher
from Encyclopedia of Human Relationships: Vol. 1-
by Harry T. Reis, Susan Sprecher
SAGE Publications, 2009

As instances of bullying are no longer restricted to real-world settings, the problem has matured.

“Deviance and Social Control: A Sociological Perspective: A Sociological Perspective” by Michelle Inderbitzin, Kristin A. Bates, Randy R. Gainey
from Deviance and Social Control: A Sociological Perspective: A Sociological Perspective
by Michelle Inderbitzin, Kristin A. Bates, Randy R. Gainey
SAGE Publications, 2012

Help them realise that bullies often ride in on others’ insecurities and enjoy magnifying their victims’ faults because they know it will give them the greatest reaction.

“What Teenage Girls Don't Tell Their Parents” by Michelle Mitchell
from What Teenage Girls Don’t Tell Their Parents
by Michelle Mitchell
Australian Academic Press, 2011

Bullying has been present in society for decades.

“Handbook of Research on Mass Shootings and Multiple Victim Violence” by Crews, Gordon A.
from Handbook of Research on Mass Shootings and Multiple Victim Violence
by Crews, Gordon A.
IGI Global, 2019

In short, bullying can only occurwhen there is an imbalance of power—physically, psychologically, numerically, or status­wise.

“Handbook of School Violence and School Safety: International Research and Practice” by Shane Jimerson, Amanda Nickerson, Matthew J. Mayer, Michael J. Furlong
from Handbook of School Violence and School Safety: International Research and Practice
by Shane Jimerson, Amanda Nickerson, et. al.
Taylor & Francis, 2012

Focusing on the outcomes of those who have experienced bullying, while important and necessary, does not necessarily lead to addressing constructively the problem at its cause.

“Bullying and Emotional Abuse in the Workplace: International Perspectives in Research and Practice” by Stale Einarsen, Helge Hoel, Cary Cooper
from Bullying and Emotional Abuse in the Workplace: International Perspectives in Research and Practice
by Stale Einarsen, Helge Hoel, Cary Cooper
CRC Press, 2002

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
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28 comments

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  • Thank you. Another video that resonates with my soul. Maybe I am not mentally ill just deeply deeply traumatised from childhood neglect.

  • Salma as she is is oddly an argument in my mind for considering becoming a Muslimthe Goodness is Godly for its accordance with truth. Amen to that

  • Still living with my parents. Forced to stay in that pattern with them, even though i managed to mostly come out of it with others. It’s so exhausting, i want to be myself always

  • What I got from this: being kind is not equal to being fearful. Because you’re not a good person, you’re just scared of the consequences of not being kind. You need to grow some teeth (become more powerful), and show them to people, so they can see you can’t be their punching bag. But you need to use them wisely, because that’s where the true kindness comes from. Knowing when to control the monster within you or not.

  • Someone wise once said, “Never be too good at something you don’t like doing”. Do it once, badly, and they’ll never ask you again.:-D

  • I have been told by multiple people that I am a people pleaser. I think it comes from growing up in an alcoholic dysfunctional family. I always want everyone to get along and be happy.

  • My fiance is a people pleaser and although it is a lovely trait it isn’t applicable in married life and I’m trying to teach her softly.

  • Let them alone like they wouldn’t exist when they are suffering or they need you.For sure they will learn that you are not a people pleaser if you don’t care about them.I know it’s hard for empathes,but must saying no if people are using us out.

  • Thank you for this. I am learning to be more selfish. Its painful, but I keep thinking that it is for my own mental health and my family that I am doing this for.

  • I am curious, what about, for lack of a better word, “Addiction” to people pleasing? It seems to be my go-to. Can I visualize something or redirect somehow to something specific when I’m about to attempt?

  • Exact description of my poor mother, the most wonderful loving soul with this most self destructive programming. She was a narcissist male ideal woman in every sense, a magnet for a whole collective of narcissists in her entire life. Treated as a favourite punch bag, rubbish bin and a regular doormat.

  • I have very little ability to be artful about the difficult messages I need to impart (because I am demonized). I am very bad at crafting my raw pain and needs into convincing explanations because I was raised by two narcs. My pain was never heard and I was taught to fake happiness at all times. I am not skilled at nuancing the messages I need to send out. Neither is my mother, the narc. She is very brutal and critical. So am I. I have mirror neurons and I learned her ways well.

  • 1:59 The problem there is you are conditioned to respond to people as a people pleaser. The tendency would be to fall back on your old habits. It would be hard to act any different with different people.

  • I think just viewing this video means you are most likely, at least in part, a people pleaser.


    Am one.
    Fighting it for the past 10-20 years

  • My father would go into long fits of rage throughout my childhood where he’d yell, curse and hit me. The worst part is I never knew when it was coming so I was always on edge. During his long confrontational rants I’d just stand there in front of him for ages listening to him yell at me at how horrible I was and whenever I got a chance to speak I was immediately shut down. I stood up for myself only a few times and in those times no matter what I said it was not the right answer not what he wanted to hear. So I just kept my mouth shut. Now I get panic attacks before I have to confront someone and this year has been especially rough but I’m learning that confrontation is ok and is does not and should not end in screaming and violence. I’m also learning I can’t control how people react and that’s ok and it’s better to speak up for myself than to say nothing at all.

  • i’m not a people pleaser i don’t think but i have this need to be liked. literally if there’s any thought of someone disliking me i feel sick, it feels so violent i hate it. even people who i haven’t spoken to me in years, or i don’t even know or have never spoken to, i’m thirteen and i’m so stressed out.

  • people pleaser has no self confidence no esteem i have it besides ton of mental disorders like avpd dysmithia and anxiety disorder

  • 1.Internal validation of yourself: hangout around people who makes you awesome
    2.start with small no’s:
    3.take time to give an answer
    4.set your goal
    5.get rid of toxic people

  • What angers and frustrates me is. Ppl will ask and expect things of you that they themselves wouldn’t do in return if you asked. There’s no mutual respect.

  • People get so used to you being a people pleaser…. so when you start to change your habits, and put yourself first more often, those around you get upset with you, leave you and tell you off for having changed. And that’s the hardest bit to overcome. Choosing between working on yourself and risk losing people OR staying as you were so you don’t end up alone.

  • I overcame this behavioural pattern by getting in shape. It sounds odd, but as i became more muscular and with well defined abs, I became more confident of myself and my opinions. I spoke my mind, without fear of contradiction. I mastered the habit of not giving extra fucks.

  • this hits so close to home and is probably the reason why my self esteem and emotions become more and more fragile everytime I mess up at work etc. Just the tone of displeasure from people will make me cry. I have been a people pleaser most of my life and while it can get hard…i try I guess.

  • Right on time with this. I needed a refresher. I’m someone who deals with depression and I never realized it was because I wasn’t speaking my truth. Like you said I have to be okay with pissing ppl off from time to time! �� Thank you Lisa

  • Honestly I have watched dozens of videos from this channel, and it seems it exists just to reassure and pat people. Some videos are valuable because they talk about topics we can’t do much other than accept reality. Some other videos talk about wise new perspectives. However this video was truly useless for someone who actually is a People Pleaser. I struggle insanely hard with this problem and this video didn’t help in the slightest, it only explained the concept as every single video of this channel does, and then gives a very weak answer as to how to actually deal with this.

  • My wife used to be a people pleaser because her mother and aunts were narcissistic she would do whatever they told her no matter what if they wanted money she would give them money and if they needed her to drive 2 hours to drop off money or get someone’s kids she did it and then she met me. she gave her aunt money and I made her aunt pay me back I made a big deal over money to where I made their lives hell if they didnt pay back for a while my wife had to tell her aunts to ask me and not her because i held onto our money and i always said no and my wife felt good not being the bad guy they all said i was controlling her because they had to ask me for her help eventually my wife started saying no and over time she became independent to where she can say no or tell someone to leave i actually turned her kind of mean 7 years later nobody asks her for anything accept her mom and she told her mom to get the hell out of our house and chewed her out for demanding money and help my mother in law despises me she called the cops on me for controlling her daughter but my wife is glad she doesn’t get bullied by her mom and aunts anymore actually she tells at me to take the trash out and not be stupid with money lol I really changed her

  • Definitely me. However, I’m feeling more and more that I can not change. So, like the video states, I’m a very dangerous person. Hence, I can’t help but think that the best course of action is to withdraw. It’s a lonely road but ultimately it will well protect everybody else from me.

  • I was always a good student and I could never say no to people who asked me to cheat or copy my hw. There were also times when some classmates treated my best friend nasty and I didn’t do anything to stop that. I wanted them to like me. The only thing I did was support her afterwards. I feel so guilty about it. Another thing that bothers me is that I always stayed quiet and never shared my opinion (I only did shared my opinion among close friends). As I’m getting older I want to change that and become more confident in my beliefs, myself and realise that my own comfort and happiness is more important.

  • Great videos as always!! I love it. To be honest, I am a people pleaser. But I don’t have the mask as you said. I really want to see people happy when I do something for them. At the beginning or when was young, I was a pleaser for teacher and parents in order to get the validation and acknowledged. But now, I want to get others’ happy. Another thing is why people need confidence,
    I don’t like confident people, maybe because of the culture. I think people should be humble and modest, especially the leader should be.