When your child gets aggressive, it’s understandable when you respond with panic or anger. However, it’s not what your child needs at the moment of distress reacting the wrong way can lead to even more hostility. In today’s episode, Vicki and I remind you to CHILL and show you healthier ways to approach this kind of misbehavior.. 00:23 Calm yourself. 01:18 Handle with appropriate consequences. 03:37 Instruct in a proper and timely way. 05:21 Listen through the anger. 06:14 Limits need to be set. Watch and Enjoy! Dr. Paul Jenkins. WHAT TO WATCH NEXT. = Dealing With Aggressive Behavior In Children. https://youtu.be/WwWyT0CnzAk. For a FREE digital copy of my mini-book, Portable Positivity, visit this link:. https://bit.ly/2PoIDam. Schedule your FREE Parenting Breakthrough call here:. http://www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall. LINKS & RESOURCES. = Website: http://www.drpauljenkins.com/. Books & CD’s: http://drpauljenkins.com/products/. The Parenting Power-up Audio Course: http://parentingpowerup.com/. Free digital copy of Portable Positivity: https://bit.ly/2PoIDam. MUSIC. = Track: Kisma We Are [NCS Release]. Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.. Watch: https://youtu.be/WfluodjOkOk. Licensed under Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0. = Video by Nate Woodbury. BeTheHeroStudios.com. http://YouTube.com/c/NateWoodbury. #LiveOnPurpose. #PositiveParenting. #Positivity
Unfortunately, conventional methods of guidance and discipline often make things worse when it comes to children who have poor emotional control, anger, oppositional-defiant behavior, temper tantrums, and aggression.. There is a different set of skills required when time out and logical discussions about behaviors escalate angry behaviors.. For more strategies, come visit my website http://intensivecareforyou.com/. and sign up for the free mini course.. Have enough strategies for kids who struggle?. Go to the “Resources for Free” page found in the drop down menu under “Courses and Books” there are FREE mini-courses teaching behavior management ideas, cognitive-behavioral strategies for learning emotional control and resilience to teasing and bullying, forms, templates, and much more. This page is used often by parents, teachers, psychologists, and counselors. The counselors and School Psychologists really like the Related Service IEP goals page, and many of the forms for managing behavior, pros and cons of digital culture, working with ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, and teaching executive skills and emotional control. https://intensivecareforyou.com/resources-for-free/. ADHD, Autism, Anger, Anxiety, Giftedness. Silly question, right? How can you ever have enough to stop the madness when it comes to the ways adults often interact with children who have differences? We can make it better. We can train adults in more loving and effective methods, and we can teach children emotional coping skills, social skills, and better ways to behave so they get more of what they really need.. And hey, it’s not rocket science. We can all get better at what we do, making the world a better place for children, so that each successive generation is healthier than the last, making the world better by making more healthy loving people.. I hope you will sign up to join me in learning and sharing by clicking http://intensivecareforyou.com/. You can also find my book Counseling Tools for Kids in Schools here, which gives you 150 pages in pdf of forms, templates, and strategies that you can quickly print and put to work for you.. I also have a facebook page for professionals in private practice and school settings, Counselors for Kids.
We are increasingly seeing a large number of children resorting to aggression and we always wonder what has triggered this attacking such a young child. So we have to find out the reasons for the child being aggressive before we address the behaviour. It could be an emotional disturbance such as loneliness, insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem which may give rise to feelings of anger and anxiety and this may be projected as aggressive behaviour which the person may shout, hit people, be destructive or even physically harm the others. This certainly needs to be checked. By scolding, shouting or beating the child back which some parents resort to is certainly not the answer. Once you understand why the child is behaving in a certain way it empowers you as a parent to make use of strategies that will help the child to calm down and also take control of his/her own behaviour. We as care takers need to make the chid accountable for his/her own behaviour at the same time we can also understand and empathise with the underlying emotional feelings that have led to aggressive behaviour. First it is very important to be consistent. It certainly won’t do for you to ignore aggression in the child in one instance and in the second try to set limits or be firm because the child will certainly manipulate and get you back into this state where he/she can continue with aggression because the aggression can bring certain unseen or unspoken rewards to the child in the form of attention from the parents. So a child who is neglected will resort to tantrums and aggressive behaviour so that the parents or the teachers will focus their full attention on the child and any child will thrive on attention whether it is positive or negative. Secondly aggression may be a form of getting some materialistic objects for himself or others, snatch things from others, may hurt others in order to speak their positions and to fulfil his or her own wishes. We cannot expect child to understand about social behaviours and etiquette unless we as caretakers are good and effective role models. So when we are stressed and we resort to aggression the child will see that when one needs certain things or one is upset then one can resort to aggression. Secondly one needs to set firm and consistent limits of behaviour. Tell the child about the consequences of behaviour. If we follow any behaviour you will see that there are certain antecedents and consequences. This is called as the ABC of behaviour. So the antecedents and consequences will impact on the behaviour and the child will repeat same behaviour if it seems to be beneficial for the child or the child may stop the aggressive behaviour if the child sees that he/she is not getting the required reinforcement that he/she is seeking. It may be attention or some kind of objects the child is wanting. Many times when the children are hungry they are upset, sleepy and tired and they resort to aggression. So you will have to address those things first. As a parent you need to understand the underlying circumstances in which aggression occurs. If a child is having a tantrum if you try to placate the child with whatever he/she is asking you are only going to prolong the behaviour and see that it keeps getting repeated. But if you are overly harsh and punitive again the child will resort to aggression in order to teach you a lesson and in some way get back to the parent. So consequences needs to be fair, needs to be just, time bound, specific and needs to be understood by the child. It has to be implemented effectively in such a way that the child will see that he/she will not go in for this behaviour and at the same time we need to teach our children problem solving skills. We need to teach them how to deal with the sudden surge of emotions in the child and what one should do when the circumstances bring about these kind of feelings in the child. So problem solving skills, social skills and learning good social behaviours, to resolve ones conflicts in a healthy way, to have respect for oneself as well as for the other person will go a long way in ensuring that the child reduces or brings to a nil the aggression that he or she is feeling.
Our children, like all humans, periodically go through fits of anger and rage. But as parents, it is our responsibility to hold them accountable for negative behavior, especially when it becomes too aggressive. In this episode, Vicky and I will be sharing some strategic yet meaningful ways to deal with your child’s aggressive behavior.. 00:18 Aggressive behavior in a child. 00:30 Contain. 02:41 Calm. 04:27 Consequences. 05:54 Correct behavior. Watch and Enjoy! Dr. Paul Jenkins. WHAT TO WATCH NEXT. = How To Calm An Angry Child. https://youtu.be/ehxqACWkxcg. For a FREE digital copy of my mini-book, Portable Positivity, visit this link:. https://bit.ly/2PoIDam. Schedule your FREE Parenting Breakthrough call here:. https://www.parentingpowerup.com/breakthrough_call. LINKS & RESOURCES. = Website: http://www.drpauljenkins.com/. Books & CD’s: http://drpauljenkins.com/products/. The Parenting Power-up Audio Course: http://parentingpowerup.com/. Free digital copy of Portable Positivity: https://bit.ly/2PoIDam. MUSIC. = Track: Kisma We Are [NCS Release]. Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.. Watch: https://youtu.be/WfluodjOkOk. Licensed under Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0. = Video by Nate Woodbury. BeTheHeroStudios.com. http://YouTube.com/c/NateWoodbury. #LiveOnPurpose. #PositiveParenting
Reward systems: If your child exhibits aggression often, establish a reward system. Provide positive reinforcement for good behavior, like gentle touches. A token economy system can also eliminate aggression fast. No matter what type of consequence you choose to use, make sure that it constitutes discipline and not punishment.
Aggressive behavior indicates your child lacks the skills he needs to manage his behavior appropriately. Teaching children new skills should be part of the discipline process. Social skills, problem-solving skills, and conflict resolution skills will reduce aggressive behavior. Notice problems when they are small, before they reach the explosion point. Work together with other staff, parents, Use your awareness to notice potential danger signals and intervene by re-directing the child firmly and kindly into a Have a plan for keeping the other children safe while you.
Discipline Strategies to Manage Aggression in Children. By Amy Morin, LCSW How to Deal With Temper Tantrums. By Amy Morin, LCSW Discipline Strategies for Children With Autism. Medically reviewed by Joel Forman, MD How to Shape Your Child’s Behavior One Step at a Time. By Amy Morin, LCSW.
At home, you need to set limits around aggressive behavior. Be clear with your expectations about your child’s behavior and what the consequences will be. You can either say the rules out loud or you can write them down; it often works well for kids to see things in black and white. Taking care of an unruly 5 year old can easily get frustrating leading you to explode with anger as well.
A few techniques for disciplining your child can be helpful in keeping your calm and understanding the reason for the behaviour in the first place. Read on to know more. Rachel Wise is a certified school psychologist and licensed behavior specialist with a Master’s Degree in Education. She is also the head author and CEO at educationandbehavior.com, a site for parents, educators, and counselors to find effective, research-based strategies that work for children.Rachel has been working with individuals with. Behavioural psychologists can teach children new skills and behaviour strategies for handling emotions and coping in different settings.
One of the main approaches this psychologist uses is cognitive behaviour therapy. Download transcript (PDF: 99.8 KB). Continued Discipline Techniques.
What you choose may depend on the type of inappropriate behavior your child displays, your child’s age, your child’s temperament, and. Anticipate tantrum triggers, like being tired or hungry, and help head them off with well-timed naps and meals. Teach your toddler not to hit, bite, or use other aggressive behaviors.
Model nonviolent behavior by not spanking your toddler and by handling conflict with your partner in a constructive way.
List of related literature:
The four strategies we have just discussed, ignoring aggression, displacement, inconsistency, and physical punishment, all increase, rather than reduce, aggressive behavior in children.
Play aggression, the preschool child and the family: A review of the literature to guide empirically informed play therapy with aggressive pre-school children.
These studies suggest that, in addition to teaching and supporting alternative strategies for anger control and conflict management, preschool interventions also need to make sure that aggressive strategies are not “effective” in gaining dominance or resource control over peers.
Another frequent suggestion for reducing aggression that has failed to gain research support is an active teaching approach in which children are rewarded for sensitivity and cooperation.
These techniques include helping children generate potential responses to provocation or teaching them to devalue outcomes obtained through aggression.
Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.
I’m autistic, and it’s very easy for me to get angry and frustrated! Sometimes, whenever things make me sad, they make me angry at the same time, and whenever this happens, my stomach starts hurting and my heart starts pounding, causing me to feel like I’m having a heart attack! ☹����
Can you please have tips to help kids feel reassured of their validation. I do my best to model & ask questions like ya”ll say.. Ex. ” “tell me about”.. my favorite is.. haha ” what’s your favorite “..
I am a stay at home mom with a 2 year 9 month old son and a husband who travels for work a lot, I have found these videos to be so helpful. I need a lot of support I don’t get in real life (not blaming my husband, he is taking care of our family), but I have found these videos and Janet Lansbury’s book No Bad Kids as such amazing building materials for my parenting. My mom was a big spanker, but I wanted to go a different way with my son.
I have 3 kids under 3 years old. All boys. My 2 year old gets satisfaction from destruction. He throws things, hits me and his brothers, knocks things down like blocks or books on the shelves, and high pitch screams just because. He thinks it’s all funny. I’ve tried time out, tapping his butt or hand, and even taking him to the other room by ourselves and talking to him. Nothing works he either laughs at me or gets distracted. He will only be 2 next month so I don’t believe he’s doing it because he’s mean I think he just doesn’t know the boundary but man he gets my blood boiling when he just won’t stop. He’s hard to handle honestly to the point where I’m terrified to even take him in public (i stay at home with all 3 boys) and I’m afraid he will get away from me and not come back. He won’t even hold hands he will drop his weight. Sorry this is so long but any advice? #SOS
My son is 4 years old too aggressive… Shouting throwing everything hitting his elder siblings and younger siblings… What to do… Bcz my elder son is also hitting him.
I have to cast doubt on the study of “defiance” and leading children to believe it is something wrong with them. In a situation where a parent is in control and the decider of what behavior is acceptable, the source of aggression in children is the parent’s own actions. If you don’t want a child to show anger or disapproval then how do you know if you have made a mistake? One last question; if you don’t want someone to show anger or defiance toward you would being more passive actually get them what they want from you? Check out the organization “Taking Children Seriously”.
I’ve got a 13 year old boy who’s got ADHD, he can be a good kid and a handful ever since he started middle school he’s been extremely mean towards me disrespectful and to just me and I remind him I’m his mom and you don’t speak to me this way and he just don’t care I had to tell him the other day in the car that what he said to me way crossed the line it brought me to tears cause it hurt my feelings that my son would say something so hurtful I don’t know we’re my little boy went he use to be such a Mama’s boy now he acts like he hates me what do I do I’m scared I won’t get my son back how do I get him to stop treating me like this I’ve tried talking to him and he shuts the conversation down I need help dad’s not in the picture so it’s just me
Thank you! Needing this. My 3 y/o has been biting and pulling hair I can handle hitting and some other toddler aggression but lately have been seeing red when this happens having a tough time having to give myself time outs before dealing with it.
Excellent video content! Excuse me for chiming in, I would love your thoughts. Have you thought about Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is an awesome exclusive product for becoming an excellent parent without the normal expense. Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my mate got excellent results with it.
Hilarious thumbnail! �� Hey Dr. Paul, would you please consider a/few video(s) on the challenges that come along with adoption? Some ideas are: the typical trials for adoptive parents; how abuse affects children & their associated behaviors with it; how neglect affects children & the associated behaviors with it; anything specific that parents can do to address these behaviors; & reactive attachment disorder. Thanks for the consideration. �� Awesome video, as always! ��
Some tv shows only make aggressive behavior worse as well as overuse of electronics. Parents bad behavior also gets imitated by children!! Newsflash:) dr Paul please do a video on how much electronics should be allowed based on age and the amount of time. Thanks!!
I’ve been struggling with my kids hitting and calling names. It’s seriously gotten out of control. We have a range of ages from 12 to 2 and the older ones are as bad, if not worse then the youngers. Any advice for how to put a stop to this? It’s my older kids that I am having the most issues with. What seems to work with the little ones isn’t working with the older ones.
To parent effectively requires us to develop a deep connection with our children, so that we address the feelings that drive a child’s behavior instead of punishing. When we tackle the reason for the behavior, it automatically changes.
“Become a conscious, peaceful & positive parent.”��
Respectful sir and mam.. am from chennai. I just paused ur vedio and came to talk. All u said is right.. but we cannot say everyone to be speak nice to our children rite.. this world is not full of nice people’s. So when they out like school or play area if someone raise their voice also they are not acceptable and getting angered very easily. And complaing like they scolded them but they simply raise their voice Wat to do for that. Please help.
Cheers for the Video clip! Apologies for butting in, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you tried Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (google it)? It is a good exclusive product for becoming an excellent parent minus the hard work. Ive heard some decent things about it and my old buddy Taylor got excellent success with it.
Appreciate Video! Sorry for the intrusion, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you considered Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (should be on google have a look)? It is a smashing one off guide for becoming an excellent parent without the hard work. Ive heard some super things about it and my work buddy after a lifetime of fighting got great success with it.
this is sad… sure the kid has anger issues, but I wonder how much the parents have to do with it? do kids get born into calm, loving families and still have uncontrollable anger issues? idk
Therapy doesnt help my child healthy parenting doesnt help. The behavior analyst says my child knows what to do why to do it and how to do but just doesnt care? What do I do about this?
Restraining my son when he’s having an episode makes him act like a caged animal. Talking to him prolongs the meltdown, along with any other form of interaction. I’m fine to wait out the storm, until he becomes physical or starts throwing objects.
This is where I’m stuck, how to get him to avoid the throwing of object and aggression towards others during these episodes.
Appreciate video content! Sorry for chiming in, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you researched Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a smashing one of a kind guide for becoming an excellent parent minus the hard work. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my friend Sam after a lifetime of fighting got excellent results with it.
I think understanding what the child is going through helps. What is the problem? Teens needs to sit down and tell us what the problem is for us to understand what they are upset or not cooperating with us. The main reason why a child displays aggressive behaviours is OUR emotions filtering down to them. OUR impatience. OUR uncontrolled temper etc. Check yourself first
I have twin daughters, 9 yo, fraternal, please I need help, any tips to reconnect them with each other, lately they seem growing apart and getting on each other’s nerves. I don’t know what to do when they go off on each other, breaks my heart. I usually tell them if there’s nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all, and I try to distract them, change subject, but the tension between both is high, please help.
I’m autistic, and it’s very easy for me to get angry and frustrated! Sometimes, whenever things make me sad, they make me angry at the same time, and whenever this happens, my stomach starts hurting and my heart starts pounding, causing me to feel like I’m having a heart attack! ☹����
Can you please have tips to help kids feel reassured of their validation. I do my best to model & ask questions like ya”ll say..
Ex. ” “tell me about”.. my favorite is.. haha ” what’s your favorite “..
I am a stay at home mom with a 2 year 9 month old son and a husband who travels for work a lot, I have found these videos to be so helpful. I need a lot of support I don’t get in real life (not blaming my husband, he is taking care of our family), but I have found these videos and Janet Lansbury’s book No Bad Kids as such amazing building materials for my parenting. My mom was a big spanker, but I wanted to go a different way with my son.
I have 3 kids under 3 years old. All boys. My 2 year old gets satisfaction from destruction. He throws things, hits me and his brothers, knocks things down like blocks or books on the shelves, and high pitch screams just because. He thinks it’s all funny. I’ve tried time out, tapping his butt or hand, and even taking him to the other room by ourselves and talking to him. Nothing works he either laughs at me or gets distracted. He will only be 2 next month so I don’t believe he’s doing it because he’s mean I think he just doesn’t know the boundary but man he gets my blood boiling when he just won’t stop. He’s hard to handle honestly to the point where I’m terrified to even take him in public (i stay at home with all 3 boys) and I’m afraid he will get away from me and not come back. He won’t even hold hands he will drop his weight. Sorry this is so long but any advice? #SOS
My son is 4 years old too aggressive… Shouting throwing everything hitting his elder siblings and younger siblings… What to do… Bcz my elder son is also hitting him.
I have to cast doubt on the study of “defiance” and leading children to believe it is something wrong with them. In a situation where a parent is in control and the decider of what behavior is acceptable, the source of aggression in children is the parent’s own actions. If you don’t want a child to show anger or disapproval then how do you know if you have made a mistake? One last question; if you don’t want someone to show anger or defiance toward you would being more passive actually get them what they want from you? Check out the organization “Taking Children Seriously”.
I’ve got a 13 year old boy who’s got ADHD, he can be a good kid and a handful ever since he started middle school he’s been extremely mean towards me disrespectful and to just me and I remind him I’m his mom and you don’t speak to me this way and he just don’t care I had to tell him the other day in the car that what he said to me way crossed the line it brought me to tears cause it hurt my feelings that my son would say something so hurtful I don’t know we’re my little boy went he use to be such a Mama’s boy now he acts like he hates me what do I do I’m scared I won’t get my son back how do I get him to stop treating me like this I’ve tried talking to him and he shuts the conversation down I need help dad’s not in the picture so it’s just me
Hi I’ve a brother with high functioning autism he’s very aggressive. the tips are good but I don’t think they’re going to be very effective
Thank you! Needing this. My 3 y/o has been biting and pulling hair I can handle hitting and some other toddler aggression but lately have been seeing red when this happens having a tough time having to give myself time outs before dealing with it.
Excellent video content! Excuse me for chiming in, I would love your thoughts. Have you thought about Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is an awesome exclusive product for becoming an excellent parent without the normal expense. Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my mate got excellent results with it.
Hilarious thumbnail! ��
Hey Dr. Paul, would you please consider a/few video(s) on the challenges that come along with adoption? Some ideas are: the typical trials for adoptive parents; how abuse affects children & their associated behaviors with it; how neglect affects children & the associated behaviors with it; anything specific that parents can do to address these behaviors; & reactive attachment disorder. Thanks for the consideration. �� Awesome video, as always! ��
Can you do a video on how to deal with a roommate that doesn’t clean up after himself and constantly eats all of my food without replacing it?
Some tv shows only make aggressive behavior worse as well as overuse of electronics. Parents bad behavior also gets imitated by children!! Newsflash:) dr Paul please do a video on how much electronics should be allowed based on age and the amount of time. Thanks!!
I’ve been struggling with my kids hitting and calling names. It’s seriously gotten out of control. We have a range of ages from 12 to 2 and the older ones are as bad, if not worse then the youngers. Any advice for how to put a stop to this? It’s my older kids that I am having the most issues with. What seems to work with the little ones isn’t working with the older ones.
To parent effectively requires us to develop a deep connection with our children, so that we address the feelings that drive a child’s behavior instead of punishing. When we tackle the reason for the behavior, it automatically changes.
“Become a conscious, peaceful & positive parent.”��
Respectful sir and mam.. am from chennai. I just paused ur vedio and came to talk. All u said is right.. but we cannot say everyone to be speak nice to our children rite.. this world is not full of nice people’s. So when they out like school or play area if someone raise their voice also they are not acceptable and getting angered very easily. And complaing like they scolded them but they simply raise their voice Wat to do for that. Please help.
Cheers for the Video clip! Apologies for butting in, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you tried Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (google it)? It is a good exclusive product for becoming an excellent parent minus the hard work. Ive heard some decent things about it and my old buddy Taylor got excellent success with it.
Appreciate Video! Sorry for the intrusion, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you considered Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (should be on google have a look)? It is a smashing one off guide for becoming an excellent parent without the hard work. Ive heard some super things about it and my work buddy after a lifetime of fighting got great success with it.
this is sad… sure the kid has anger issues, but I wonder how much the parents have to do with it? do kids get born into calm, loving families and still have uncontrollable anger issues? idk
Therapy doesnt help my child healthy parenting doesnt help. The behavior analyst says my child knows what to do why to do it and how to do but just doesnt care? What do I do about this?
Restraining my son when he’s having an episode makes him act like a caged animal. Talking to him prolongs the meltdown, along with any other form of interaction. I’m fine to wait out the storm, until he becomes physical or starts throwing objects.
This is where I’m stuck, how to get him to avoid the throwing of object and aggression towards others during these episodes.
Appreciate video content! Sorry for chiming in, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you researched Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a smashing one of a kind guide for becoming an excellent parent minus the hard work. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my friend Sam after a lifetime of fighting got excellent results with it.
I think understanding what the child is going through helps. What is the problem? Teens needs to sit down and tell us what the problem is for us to understand what they are upset or not cooperating with us. The main reason why a child displays aggressive behaviours is OUR emotions filtering down to them. OUR impatience. OUR uncontrolled temper etc. Check yourself first
I have twin daughters, 9 yo, fraternal, please I need help, any tips to reconnect them with each other, lately they seem growing apart and getting on each other’s nerves. I don’t know what to do when they go off on each other, breaks my heart. I usually tell them if there’s nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all, and I try to distract them, change subject, but the tension between both is high, please help.