Deciding If Fostering a young child Is perfect for You

 

What I WISH I had known BEFORE becoming a (single) FOSTER PARENT

Video taken from the channel: SinglyLoving


 

Why We Chose to Become Foster Parents

Video taken from the channel: With Laughter and Style


 

This is Why Foster Parents Have to Be the “Bad Guys”

Video taken from the channel: Be The Village


 

Foster Care Reality VS Instant Family Movie

Video taken from the channel: PARENTING CHOICES Auntie Amy


 

5 Reasons You Should Foster Teens

Video taken from the channel: Be The Village


 

IF YOU WANT TO BE A (SINGLE) FOSTER PARENT DO THIS! | How to get started in foster care

Video taken from the channel: SinglyLoving


 

WHAT WE WISH WE HAD KNOWN ABOUT FOSTER CARE | 7 Things We Learned While Foster Parents

Video taken from the channel: Zero 2 Five Family


It’s important to consider every member of your family when thinking about fostering a child. Everyone in the house will be living and interacting with the foster child and his behaviors. 5  Your children will have to share their home, room, toys, and parents.

They sacrifice a lot in becoming part of a foster family. The best first step you can take is to attend the training classes, then take stock of your skills and limitations to help you decide if fostering a child is for you. Questions to ask yourself about fostering a child. Collect as much information as you can from a trusted foster care agency and then ask yourself the following questions.

If you’ve been considering becoming a foster parent, but still aren’t quite sure, there are ways to evaluate if it’s right for you. Spend time with children (of varying ages): Volunteer at an after-school program or group home facility. In a different situation, a child may already be 15, 16 or 17 years old when placed in the care of new foster parents.

Both the parents and child may decide that it is best to let the child become a legal adult without going through the adoption process. Permanent Foster Care vs. Adoption: The Pros and Cons. Before you make a decision to foster a child, ask yourself some crucial questions to help determine whether foster parenting is a good choice for you. Yes, singles can and do foster children.

If you are single and want to bring a child into your life, take special care to have plenty of emotional support. If you are married, take care of your marriage and make that a number one. Be ready for various workers and team members to walk-through your home during visits. Also know that if a social worker comes to your home, you are required to let them in your house.

Fostering a child will bring lots of professionals into your life and home. If you’ve thought about becoming a foster parent, learn more about the process. You might decide it’s not right for you.

Or maybe, you see that it isn’t the right fit for you. Can I decide the age of the child that I foster? During your home study, you will be interviewed on the children that you feel you could best foster.

We will ask you placement questions such as age range, sex and sibling groups. The placement team will use this information to match foster children with foster homes. This is what it’s all about, after all. It’s about the child — the new life that will radically change who you are as people and fulfill your dream of becoming parents. Of course you have questions about if you can choose the child you adopt, because you want your baby to be just right for you.

Saying that you’re not brave enough to be a foster parent also diminishes what you have to offer. You are brave enough, and many children across the country need your bravery. When we handed over.

List of related literature:

The challenge is that it is necessary for foster parents to care for young children as if they were their own: Love the child, advocate for the child, and provide a nurturing, attachment-rich environment.

“Handbook of Infant Mental Health, Fourth Edition” by Charles H. Zeanah
from Handbook of Infant Mental Health, Fourth Edition
by Charles H. Zeanah
Guilford Publications, 2018

For children, the transitions to living in a foster-family environment and later to the return home may lead to emotional and behavioural problems, and both foster and biological parents may require considerable support and training to be empowered to manage these problems.

“The Handbook of Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychology: A Contextual Approach” by Alan Carr
from The Handbook of Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychology: A Contextual Approach
by Alan Carr
Routledge, 1999

The needs of foster children vary considerably from those who are adopted.The history may be offered by a social worker, and the issues you encounter will differ in variety and intensity.

“Mosby's Guide to Physical Examination E-Book” by Henry M. Seidel, Rosalyn W. Stewart, Jane W. Ball, Joyce E. Dains, John A. Flynn, Barry S. Solomon
from Mosby’s Guide to Physical Examination E-Book
by Henry M. Seidel, Rosalyn W. Stewart, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

For children past infancy, once the characteristics of the child (or children in sibling groups) are considered, the research on outcomes indicates that there is no automatic advantage of adoption over long-term foster care, provided that steps are taken to ensure a sense of permanence for carers and child.

“The Child Protection Handbook” by Kate Wilson, Adrian L. James
from The Child Protection Handbook
by Kate Wilson, Adrian L. James
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2007

For children, the transition to living in a foster family environment and later to the return home may lead to emotional and behavioural problems and both foster and biological parents may require considerable support and training to be empowered to manage these problems.

“The Handbook of Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychology: A Contextual Approach” by Alan Carr
from The Handbook of Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychology: A Contextual Approach
by Alan Carr
Taylor & Francis, 2015

However, children may be placed either for adoption or permanent fostering, as in some situations the latter option may be the right choice for children, their foster carers and birth parents, for example, when the latter continue to be involved although they are not able directly to care for their disabled child.

“Growing Up with Disability” by Carol Robinson, Kirsten Stalker
from Growing Up with Disability
by Carol Robinson, Kirsten Stalker
J. Kingsley, 1998

My family and friends would be very supportive if I were to become a foster parent.

“Handbook of Family Measurement Techniques: Abstracts” by John Touliatos, Barry F. Perlmutter, Murray A. Strauss, George W. Holden
from Handbook of Family Measurement Techniques: Abstracts
by John Touliatos, Barry F. Perlmutter, et. al.
SAGE Publications, 2000

Research indicates that once foster carers are appropriately supported, looked-after children are able to use their carer as a secure base; a study has shown that even children who were maltreated can develop secure new attachments toward their foster parents (Joseph et al. 2014).

“Handbook of Mentalizing in Mental Health Practice, Second Edition” by Anthony W. Bateman, M.A., FRCPsych, Peter Fonagy, Ph.D., F.B.A., FMedSci, FAcSS
from Handbook of Mentalizing in Mental Health Practice, Second Edition
by Anthony W. Bateman, M.A., FRCPsych, Peter Fonagy, Ph.D., F.B.A., FMedSci, FAcSS
American Psychiatric Association Publishing, 2019

It needs to be recognized that the psychological implications of long-term fostering are very different from those of temporary foster care.

“The Psychology of Adoption” by David M. Brodzinsky Associate Professor of Developmental and Clinical Psychology Rutgers University, Marshall D. Schechter Professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine (Emeritus)
from The Psychology of Adoption
by David M. Brodzinsky Associate Professor of Developmental and Clinical Psychology Rutgers University, Marshall D. Schechter Professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine (Emeritus)
Oxford University Press, USA, 1990

I have been a foster parent for 30 years, fostering approximately 75 children.

“The Lost Boy: A Foster Child's Search for the Love of a Family” by Dave Pelzer
from The Lost Boy: A Foster Child’s Search for the Love of a Family
by Dave Pelzer
Health Communications, Incorporated, 1997

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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142 comments

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  • Im only a teenager but one things i was sure about was I didnt want kids mainly because Im personally not a huge fan of toddlers and baby’s but also simply due to the fact I don’t want biological kids. I think I never truly realised to me that I could foster a teen until I watched the episodes of This is Us with Deja. I definitely want to foster teenagers when I get older and your videos are a hugeeee inspiration for me to pursue that. Reason #2 is one of my main reasons for wanting to do it.

  • Thank you so much for making this video! My fiance and I also live in Missouri and are going to start classes next year. I was wondering do you pay for anything out of pocket for your foster kids?

  • My wife and I are foster placements and the bio parents have made our lives a living hell with repeated nonstop allegations of abuse. All have been investigated and found to be without merit. They’ve called the cops so much that the cops are ignoring them. They are being left alone on visits with the children during diaper changes etc and they are trying to coach the 3 year old to say things about us and to hate us.
    No one seems to want to help us get the harassment stopped and it’s causing trauma to the kids since they are very attached to us.
    Any tips on how to handle this?

  • I’ve never fostered teens. In my area, homes for infants are so badly needed. I’ve spoken to some younger people who have fostered teens and they’ve had some incredible experiences. Maybe someday…..

  • Just came across your channel I am watching and learning about fostering before I apply and do training. I do have one random question are you allowed to take a child to church with you if you’re a church goer? Or should religion not be introduced to the kids in case they are a different belief or dont believe?? I know its probably a random question.

  • This whole situation would be beyond frustrating! Between the other caregiver creating unnecessary barriers, and the system barriers in general, there’s a lot to manage. However, as a team you both have the same goals and it’s awesome to see you both so willing to fight for Miss A. and her siblings to be together. I love that you make it about the children and not what the adults want.

  • My first time watching you guys and I did sub! I subbed bc I can clearly see that you’re in it for the right reasons and you truly care about these kiddos! My sisters and I were in Foster homes more than once so this would be my connection. I wanted to Foster or actually Adopt but my health became an issue so I couldn’t do it. I just want to say THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU who Foster because you TRULY DO care about these little souls! It’s a frightening place to be in. Being taken from your home is bad enough but being separated from your siblings can be a terrifying experience. May God Bless and Keep Each of these lil children and Each Foster Parent who comes to the rescue of these more often than not broken and damaged children. You are Appreciated and Loved by the children that come through your homes…Please know this. 😉

  • I never wanted to foster teens, I only wanted like 0-5 but since I’ve been watching the crazy middles and the crazy pieces (and now you guys) I feel like I almost exclusively want teens. My husband and I don’t have any kids but we have 12 nieces and nephews and we are only 26 so I feel like we would be able to relate to them and also create the stability for them.

  • I just connected with a county social worker and will be looking into being a foster parent here in California. Thank you so very much for your video! All the best to you and your kids.

  • We just finished our final fostering class last night… we have TB tests, physicals, fingerprinting, and rabies updates this week and next and then we are close to finishing up our application!

  • You guys are doing good work! Keep doing it! These kids need more like you! The system is broken and its people like you who can fix it!

  • Foster Mom here too! The system is broken and does NOT always put the kid’s best interest first. �� I don’t understand why things like this can be so friggin’ hard sometimes. Ugh. I wish our county would let us talk about our foster experience publicly like this! Does your agency know about your channel?

  • I’m a 31 year old single male and have been wanting to become a foster/adoptive parent for years. Thank you for all that you do and for making these great videos!

  • Kind of feels like you’re airing your personal drama out to the world… I normally love your channel but this video gives me a bad taste in my mouth

  • Got certified finally!!!! My age range is 6 to 12, or I should say was because I just said yes to a 17yr old placement. I figured if she is anything like Miss A this is going to work out. ��

  • Great insight. My sister adopted her two children and we love those who support child like this in anyway. Love your channel! New sub from Travel Global, check us out so we can grow together!!

  • I don’t know much about the foster care system so thank you for educating me by posting this video. I can’t believe the many hoops you have to jump through just to allow these siblings to have a sleep over! Hopefully what’s best for the kids is kept in the end ❤️

  • This speaks to my soul!!! As a new foster mom with two kiddos for 6 months now…. I am constantly the “bad guy”. Im getting so mad that no one seems to care!! Thanks for being real:-)

  • You both are awesome! While I am not a foster parent. I am a mentor (have been a mentor) through a not for profit org in Chicago for the past 2 years, and I totally agree that being an influence and having an impact on their lives through stability is sooooo important and needed. You guys are incredible and are spreading a good message and example.

  • I have always thought about being a foster parent. I am going to look and see if there are info session in my state to see where I need to start.

  • Okay so I am a education student. I know a lot of what you said really related to my choice in grades to teach. I want to teach 8th to 12th grade because of the impact you can make with the students.

  • I don’t want to be super negative but the window being behind you is back-lighting you so that your faces are a bit shadowed and I think it would be clearer if you had a light on your faces to counter that

  • Why thrift store? I thought parents were given enough money to be able to buy new clothes and fresh healthy food for the kids. Don’t go saving mode with their money!!

  • My mother is filling out all the paper work to be a foster mom, Im 16 and it’s just my mom and i in a 4 bedroom house, So our age range is going to be 4-13. I brought the idea to her because of your channel and how real you are about fostering, talking about the challenges and the good fostering brings. �� Thank you guys sm.

  • It’s should be law that if siblings are in foster care that they have to have visit at least once a week no matter where they are or who they are with. Bottom line the kids did not ask to be away from each other. Bet more kids would be kept togahter this way.

  • I’m 14 now, but when I’m an adult I want to be a foster parent. It’s always been a goal of mine. I’m lucky enough to have a family an a situation where I wouldn’t need to go into the system but I want to be able to help people. Teenagers are generally less terrible than people think, and I want to specifically foster teens. This channel has helped educated me and it’s fun and entertaining. Tell Miss A howdy for me!

  • Do these kinds of issues every negatively impact your relationship with Miss A? How honest are you guys with Miss A when these sorts of situations arise? I know she’s a super mature kid but I can imagine that it’s still probably hard for her to process another caregiver talking poorly about you and that impacting how much see can see her siblings. (Also teacher here and thank you for taking your duty as mandatory reporters seriously!)

  • I was 3 when I went into foster care. I was with 1 of my siblings For a few months, they paired us off into different places but we only saw each other every few months. Then my sister was taken to another foster family and I was left while two of my brothers also moved half way across the country. I was then moved on and we were only able to see each other once a year and that was only 7 of 11 of us that could go that. None of us were ever allowed to decide who we were put with. I’m 26 now and I hardly ever see them, only one of them I’m close with because he lives only an hour away from me. It definitely effected us because we’d become each other’s comfort in our abusive home and to not have each other gave us all ptsd and anxiety. We’ve all been through years of therapy. Social workers and some foster careers are actually terrible.

  • I heard you mention the door buzzer and was immediately alarmed but holy crow, what an amazing way to work it into both favors!! You guys are rocking it and I’ve been teetering on foster care for such a long time, this video has really helped so thank you!

  • I don’t know much about kids and babies. I know, like, you have to carefully support their head or it fall off or something. And you can’t touch the top of their head because they don’t have a whole skull yet. And even I know that they need to be in car seats until they, like, are as a big as a hobbit and then they have to use a booster seat until they can do long division. Britney Spears taught me that. I also can thank celebrities for teaching me not to dangle babies over balconies or in front of crocodiles.

    If this “caregiver” needs me to give her a rundown of rudimentary childcare, I’m available. Lol.

  • Hey! Im 20 and always wanted to adopt but in the past couple years I decided that when Im gonna be ready i would want to adopt teens because of all the reasons you talk about! Thank you for making this video!

  • I’m a Kinship Carer, which is hard. But this other lady doesn’t seem as if she should be a Foster parent. Sibling contact is so important. My two have two other siblings with gran and we don’t get along but siblings need to see each other.

  • I’ve been amazed at how important my foster children have become to my family. My parents are Grandma and Grandpa. My niece’s kids (ages 9, 7, 6, and 5) are the cousins and they they do a great job of taking each new foster under their wings!

  • It’s always about the money. And definitely she views you as a snitch. Even the caseworkers. Just bc people “help” children doesn’t mean they are good people. A title doesn’t define character. Do NOT pay her especially if she has a grudge. Do not do anything even slightly off the books.

  • We don’t foster yet, but I do have the viewpoint as a Sunday school teacher/mentor/previous school teacher! I’ve taught both young children and teens, and I much prefer teens! They’re in that part of life where they’re making decisions that will effect the roads they take in adulthood. I’ve found it very rewarding to see how consistency and love can completely change a negative mindset and outcome in them!

  • Loving the channel! Just found it while researching! I am a single 23 y/o from Nebraska with the calling for foster care! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences!

  • Can a foster teen be left home alone? My 13, 15 & 17 stay home alone (or in pairs or as a trio) all the time. Wondering how fostering would affect that…

  • I always thought about fostering my youngest will graduate when I’m like 36! It’s really not that far away for me unfortunately. One day you will miss the piles of laundry you have to do! I absolutely love your family and love that you show your journey!

  • I know this is off topic but I must say..

    If my next relationship isn’t like y’all’s, I don’t want it! You two are “ #goals”, as the kids say. ��

    You guys are an AMAZING example of great communication between each other and towards others. The care and love between you two shows heavily and I’m glad I am able to witness it!

    I know you are impacting many, including myself. ��

  • When reunification occurs, do u still continue to be involed with ur fostered kids? Maybe visits/calls/texts? Or is that something u feel best not to do?

  • Here is the thing..if you didn’t report them there wouldn’t be a difference between you and bio parents who are neglectful and get their kids taken away. You did the right thing, set yourself apart and held high standards.

  • Teens need a place also. There’s one thing that concerns me. I cant imagine a teenager becoming 18 @ the foster parents kick them out. I couldn’t do it. Another thing I think is wrong that when a child has been with 1 family for a couple of years the worker decides to jerk them out & put them with someone else, especially when the child is well adjusted. My granddaughter was jerked out of my home & she didn’t want to leave. She told them she wanted to stay with us. We had done nothing wrong. Our story is very complicated. In other words take a child out of a happy home. Miss A was very lucky to get u 2. Hopefully when & if she goes back to her family she will stay in touch. It will hurt your babies when she leaves cause they have a bond, & wouldn’t understand why they can’t see r talk to her. ❤️❤️������

  • When you have a longtime placement you become very very protective. And others around you treat them as such.

    I remember when you didn’t get much information or background information before placement. But laws have changed and you have the opportunity to state if you want to take on a child that has a lot of emotional, psychological and physical issues.

    We had to step in and monitor who was being placed with a family member. They had one child who should have not been placed in a home setting.

    With everything this kid had went through before the age of three it was amazing that they hadn’t committed suicide. But kids that are broken know how to “work the system” and never get the treatment they deserve if the foster parent doesn’t advocate for them.

    We have grown children who were finally adopted out of the system come up to us while out shopping or whatever and run give us a hug and introduce us to their family.

    I often don’t recognize these kids who have grown and matured since being with my family member. But it’s a reminder that being tough, setting boundaries and continually raising the bar has paid off for these kids when we though all hope was gone.

  • My brother and sister in law are finishing their meetings/traning and will be approved to foster right away, I will share this with them, I’m sure a lot of this is the same as Canada, maybe not the Medicade part

  • I got the food trauma behaviors for our first placement and holy cow, you can attend training on it, read about it, but to actually see it in action, it still got to me.
    Imagining eating to and past the point of making yourself sick… and still begging for more, like your very life depends on it, and psychologically, that’s how it actually is. They may not be starving anymore ‘physically’, but they’re still stuck in that place mentally.
    (Once had to drive to a gas station to get X a packet of peanuts, because to a normal person, they can reason, “I am hungry, but I can wait until the 15 minute drive home to have my peanuts.” In X’s mind, “If I do not eat peanuts, I will starve to death.” with no hyperbole or exaggeration. That’s a brain on survival mode.)
    Having to say, “No X, three yogurts and sandwiches is plenty. We’ll wait until lunchtime to eat again,” Then having the child have a convulsing, screaming, crying meltdown where you have to restrain them so they stop pounding their head with their fists, pulling out clumps of their hair, and scratching their face bloody.
    And yes, you do all the things they tell you do, like constantly showing the child your full pantry cupboards and refrigerator, trips to the grocery store, up and down the aisles, filling up a tin or backpack with a stash of snacks the child wants, etc,
    But you still go in that room to see half-eaten apple cores, crumbs, and countless wrappers squirreled away in the latest hole in the wall or the vents…

    My what a learning experience.

  • We fostered, once. The kids were amazing, we were routing for the family. The system failed the kids and we were all in danger because of it. We gave up our license 4 months in. Its the most heartbreaking thing. You are so much stronger than I was. Much love and thank you.

  • I’ve really been thinking about doing foster care after I graduate in May, especially because approval takes about six months here and I’ll be a lot more settled six months in.

    And I’ve so been feeling called to respite care for older kids (idk if they’ll let me have teens at 22, but like 11-12 for sure) once I get my license. It’s inspiring that y’all ending with that suggestion, just kinda affirming what is on my heart

  • We have had similar issues with $ over other caregivers and can’t figure out how they are in it for the money, but seems very clear that they are. ��love how open and authentic how you are with your experience!

  • I have a friend whos mother is a foster parent. And this women should NOT be. My friend has even reported her own mother for abuse, neglect, stealing the kids money. She has a drug addict man living in the house, and DCF will not take her fostering rights away. They somehow believe she is a great mother. Anytime kids have brought concerns, they just call them liars. Im so disgusted how the system is. All about money. Theres not many foster parents like you guys. Miss.A. Is so lucky to have you. I know she will be forever �� greatful and always remember you when shes an adult. I hope she absorbs all the love and care you and your husband give your family and she grows into a beautiful successful adult. If I ever was in a situation and my kids were removed. YOU guys are the type of parents ID Want my kids with. you guys are saints and people could really learn a lot from you.

  • Do they have pick and drop off for visits in your state? Our city has a couple agency’s that will do transportation to foster families so they don’t have to take time for that. I know it might sound alike not a big deal but I have worked with families that had sibling groups of 7 where the kids had 3-4 different dad’s and so mom visits and dad’s visits were all on different days and they had a sibling visits for older kids that were in treatment. One family of 7 kids could have 5 visits a week.

  • Devil’s advocate in my state foster parents are only allowed X number of respite hours a month. That can be a big deal to some Foster families especially ones who’ve been doing it for a long time. For example my aunt was a foster parent for 7 years and they had an annual vacation planned each year that they took with their adopted and biological children on. Due to state regulations it was almost impossible to take foster children (as they went out of state). They saved their respite hours so that they could use them over that trip. If the respite hours had constantly been being used for kids to do sleepovers with their siblings then my aunt would have had to pay out of her own pocket to go on her family vacation. To some families respite is used like sick leave or vacation leave from work they don’t just let it go. All that said older children were allowed to go on sleepovers so long as the foster parent was in the city without respite being used in our state so I don’t understand why they have to use respite hours in your state for a kid to go to a sleepover.

  • Hi, thank you for doing this video. I felt a calling from God to foster as I am getting information I wonder if having a 9-5 job is going to be an issue-thoughts? I don’t think so but my family is bringing up that concern bc I’m single.

  • I was a foster kid from 8 to 17 and got adopted 6 days before my 18th birthday. It took me 8 yrs to find my forever home.. Teenage kids need love the most because they are always overlooked

  • My husband and I have three kids 12, 6 and 4 and we foster teens. Our Foster Daughter has been with us over two years and we move her to college in a couple weeks��❤️ I wholeheartedly agree with all your points. It is no easy thing, but these kids deserve a safe place to be loved and help them learn and grow into adults!

  • when I was still in high school I had met/friended some teens in foster care and majority of them were the complete opposite of the stereotypes. and teens also need support, love & care which people forget. I can’t stress enough that it’s sooo important to have good role models in their lives to help impact them in a positive way!!!

  • I just found you on here. This was really good information. I just signed up for the orientation class that will be held in less than a month. I’m single, but my family is very supportive. Thank you for posting this.

  • I am a foster kids, and a lot of these things do not apply to me, every case, and every kid will be different, so you can’t just have these things, cause some of these actually won’t help

  • I can SO relate to this. Had very similar issues with my foster sons…sisters foster parents. I ended up moving all the kids to my home and I’m so grateful I did.

  • First of all, I thought it was my dog whining and I could not figure out what her problem was! We’re going on over 12 months without a sibling visit and I also feel like I live in bizarroland.

  • I wish i had foster parent’s like you guys. my foster homes were not the best stable situations growing up. Everything you guys said is everything i wanted and needed. just one person to show they cared and didn’t take me for the money. you guys seem like great foster parents.

  • So, basically, the brother’s caregiver won’t agree to the overnight because they would lose the money for those days?? Unbelievable!! Some people are doing this for the wrong reasons. Thank you for standing up for what is right.

  • We hope this video is helpful to someone looking at fostering. Feel free to ask any questions below or reach out to us through our website if you have questions. We love hearing from you! Thanks for watching!!!❤️

  • I think this caregiver shouldn’t be allowed to do this anymore. She shouldn’t be allowed to foster anymore. If you are going to let your grudge against another foster parent get in the way of the best interest of the child you need to quit. Fostering is all about the best interest of the children not what serves you. Especially since she was in the wrong about the car seat situation. It’s a gross situation.

  • We foster teens! Just certified and had a young man with us for a week. Taking a break until January due to PTO needs, but looking forward to it!

  • You said it all and this is why the foster care system fails. They don’t want you to make things good for the kids they want it to suck. When you try they make it so stressful eventually you get worn out!!! However please continue to fight for what’s right!!! You got a large community behind you!!!

  • thank you sm for this. im a trans man (born female, transitioning to male), so ever since i knew i had a uterus, i knew i wasnt gonna use it. then when i was like 10, i found out about how teens have so much trouble getting adopted/fostered, and decided that’s what i wanted to do. every time ive mentioned it over the years, people try to talk me out of it. sorry, i just want kids to enjoy at least a little bit of their remaining childhood…

  • Could a parent affect on side of the family’s dynamics if keeping kids from coming over to a get to gevther one side and there is no reason to not be together and the sees the other side of the family.

  • http://www.tutustennisshoes.com/crowncarekit this is a new resource I came across today it was posted in my foster support group.  Kanisha Tillman and her company Tutus & Tennis Shoes, specializes in working with transracial adoptive and foster families to provide products, tools and education to families.Thought it was a resource you may enjoy or may be able to give to others who may need it!:)

  • I literally am in foster care and she is totally using those kids for the money…it makes me sick..I’ve been in multiple homes where they didn’t take care of me and used my money and it hurts I was abused enough…I so understand your frustration

  • I want to foster children when I’m older I’m only 14 right now but I really would like to and I want to be able to adopt too in the future ❤️

  • I don’t get why people want little kids they are so gross and snotty especially little ones
    I know they’re cute but why wouldn’t u want teens they are at such a hard time in their lives

  • Great video! I was wondering if you could do me a favor and move the word banners like “reason 2” away from the bottom. I use closed captioning and the captions often cover your banners so I get a bit lost. Thank you!

  • We have been fostering for a few years but have our first teen placement! I was super hesitant to take a 16yo girl. We were told it would only be a few weeks.. then COVID happened. Now it’s indefinite. Thankfully we’re actually loving having a teenager here! She is respectful and kind. We are still figuring it out but I think she won’t be our last teenager. Your channel has been super helpful to me! We just want to be the best we can be for all the kids we have (1 adopted, 2 foster placements) and it’s hard with a wide age gap!

  • Thank you so much or making this video! The buzzer and art projects are great ideas. Safety is the best gift you can provide for a child in these situations.

  • I was a teen when I was put into forster care (14 also) I feel so bad now for all the families I lived with, I was a real handful, but looking back it was because I didnt want to build a relationship and get rejected constantly. I ended up spending most of my time in a group home, which is sooo bad, we need more careers like you.

  • “YOU WILL HAVE NO CLUE WHATS COMING!”
    Best advise, i am glad I am hearing this before I am embarking on this journey… Thank you for this ❤

  • You guys did so well. I totally get crazy stuff happening. I had a similar stupid situation happen when I was trying to sort out the unfair way I had been treated at a church. I had the pastor pretend he knew nothing about it when he totally did because he was involved. Then other avenues of sorting it didn’t work and circular conversations went on and on and a simple solution would have been to just acknowledge what happened to me shouldn’t have happened and life would have gone on. But I fought alone to get it sorted for my sake and anyone else who had been or might be in the future treated in similar ways. But nope. That couldn’t get to such a simple place. So after 6 months of complete crazy I gave up and cut ties with that church. Maybe losing me made no difference to anyone at the church. But I still can relate to crazy situations in any aspect of life where a simple situation can be overly complicated and people involved can cause issues for no good reason. What I have learnt is it will do your head in if you try to work out why someone acts in an illogical way.

  • Strange question we “got out” of fostering for ANIMAL rescue for multiple reasons, but a huge reason was it always seemed like there were toxic individuals within the group who believed they were “better” rescuers than others (ridiculous!). While we still donate, we hesitate to foster animals again. I recently decided to foster two bottle-fed babies, and unfortunately the same mindset was still there. After they’ve been adopted, I’ve discontinued. Would you say the same mindset is pretty prevalent within fostering children?

  • I’m so glad you DID report it. Honestly, it sounds like it is about the money, and they aren’t treating the kids in a responsible manner. Maybe they are having a hard time cause Covid-19, who knows, but it is horrible the kids can’t get together, I would be furious too. Keep speaking up, keep doing what you do.✌����

  • I am a foster parent and have had several teens; I am excited to be fostering a teen boy starting Monday. Mister A is 14 and I am excited to have him as a part of my family and home.

  • First of all, you guys are an absolute blessing to this world…and second…no matter how many times I see the intro, it brings a tear to my eye, so beautiful!!

  • You know it is awesome to hear this Perspective when we foster my Husband already said he didn’t think he would be able to have babies because we already have two little ones. So now it opened up the discussions for us to have a wider age range and he is an awesome father so he would be a great role model to teens as I. God have your way!

  • U guys are great dont let the system stop u guys from being great foster family you and john are seriously very great humans and I hope I can be half a great as u guys

  • I spoke with someone from work, who fostered teens. He said his wife was headbutted by a teen. It scared me but I am starting to think it may have been a rare case and maybe the way his household was set. I have seen some people’s rules they have in place and some of them are ridiculous. Just curious, what are the rules you have set?

  • Omg, so i want to be a foster parent after I get out of college, I’m in high school now, and this has helped me try and choose an age range with older children

  • If that makes y’all the bad guys, I can’t imagine what it takes to be the “good guys” in the eyes of that other caregiver and the agency.

  • I worked in child care for about a year and it is exactly what you say. All about the adults and very rarely about the kids; which is unfortunate.

  • Nothing really about the kids. I had a worker move kids because they didn’t want them with me because I’m black. This past week they said I couldn’t keep my 14 year old because her behaviors, but ask can I take a 17 year old with more behaviors.

  • Oooh honey I’m FIRED UP right now. It’s at least good that Miss A knows someone is in her corner. Some people dont deserve your friendship. Remember that.

  • I’m 19 and i was in care from 12 to 18. I had nearly 30 placements, very few actually cared about me. One of the biggest shows of kindness that someone did for me was suitcases. I had to leave that placement due to my health needs but they bought me some suitcases to carry my stuff in. I could finally bin the trash bags. When i saw that theyd got me some suitcases I dropped to the floor and cried i stayed there all day just staring at this beautiful gift. It was an act of love. It taught me that I was worth more than trash bags, that I was worth love and that they cared. I was really angry at them for kicking me out but when i saw the suitcases i knew they really did care.

    One of the things i struggled with was feeling like i was passed my best before date. Foster carers didnt want me anymore, i was a teen with additional needs and some behavioural issues. So it was care homes, secure units, and hospitals. I was once in a police cell for 2 days, I hadn’t been arrested or done anything illegal but we were out of other options. No one wanted me, and I knew that. I went to a group for care kids for a while and they were all a lot younger than me, they would talk about how their foster carer was taking them on holiday, or how they were being adopted. They would talk about how their foster carer reads them a story every night. Meanwhile i was sat on a supermarket car park every few months while 2 social workers tried to convince people to have me just for a couple days. Sometimes there would be nowhere left to go and I’d sleep in a council office under some desks.

    I dont want anyone else to have to go through that. When I moved out I was so happy, I could buy a bed. That would be my bed. I could come home everyday and see that my bed was still there. Noone would wake me up at 4am and tell me I had 10 minutes to pack my bags and what I couldn’t pack in time would be left behind. I wouldn’t have to worry about my stuff getting nicked, room searches, constantly knowing you were a job role, a case file, a case number, not a person. You arent there because people care, you’re there because legally you have to have a roof over your head until your 18th birthday. And on that day they dont have to help you anymore. Most care kids have them and their bin bags with their stuff in put on the doorstep on their 18th birthday. The doors closed in your face and then you’re in this world alone. Its not a birthday you look forward to.

    I want to get healthy enough so I can adopt more difficult to place groups, eg: sibling groups (me and my sister were separated as she stayed at home), kids with additional needs and disabilities (theres very few disabilities i would straight up decline most I’d at least consider) and teens. But in the uk there isnt really any teens available for adoption most are taken off the adoption route and placed in long term foster. I dont have any desire for biological children, but would be open to being a surrogate for my sister if that was required and was what she wanted. I dont think I’m the right person because of my health, I’d have to come off of various medications that keep me alive. Not really possible.

    Teens needs to know they are worthy. When you’re in care you feel like nothing. You feel like bottom of the heap. Teens need to know they can achieve things, and they can be more than their past and where they came from. Noone believe in me, one of the things a teacher wrote about me in a report was “unlikely to achieve” and that was how most people viewed me. A why should we even bother type of kid. Teens need to know they can use that view and prove people wrong.

    Thank you for sharing your view of foster caring. Thank you for being their voice.

    Please tell miss A that while I dont know her personally, I know that she can achieve and that amazing and badass and doesn’t have to turn out how people think she will. Only she has the power to decide where she goes in life.

    Sending love ❤

  • I was a foster parent for 40 years long long time. I adopted six kids through the foster care system. What you’re describing is a more common thing than I’d like to admit.

  • Mid video comment… In our agency we have 10 “paid” days. We can also choose paid or unpaid when the child is in respite. Hopefully things work out. But I’ll keep watching…

  • That is absolutely shocking the so called “caregiver” is using Miss A’s brother to cause you frustration because she has a grudge against you! As if these kids don’t have enough to deal with, I’m actually fuming on all your behalf! She should not be a foster carer!

  • I want to foster now, I’m 22 but in my state I have to be 25��. I’m really considering moving cause there’s a lot of kids that need help❤

  • Lmao i love the parts where you can tell you’re just straight up spilling the tea to John ���� you guys are good people, it really sucks the system is the way it is.

  • the system is so messed up. Its like tit for tat. Absolute BS. Its about the kids.. I could not work as a case worker and have to deal with all the horrible crap behind the scenes. Such a shame. Kids are ripped out of there regular home and neglect is still happening. Because what they are doing is neglect. Its like the kids dont get a break. They still are suffering and case workers could care less..

  • I can’t wait to finish school to become a foster parent, married or single here I come, I have already been waiting for this for 6 years!

  • Thank you for the video! It was really informative. My husband and I are currently going through classes to become certified foster parents and these were very helpful tips. I’ve been wondering lately if I’ll be able to sleep at night (and if the kiddos will be able to sleep at night) so I love the buzzer idea for the door. What kind of buzzer did you use / where did you get it?

  • As someone who works in the mental health field and deals with social workers on a regular basis, I highly recommend emailing as a constant form of communication-not phone calls. Leave a paper trail and also CC the SW’s supervisor on important or controversial situations.
    It’s amazing the power that CC’ing their supervisors has.

  • So I plan on being a foster parent when I grow up (I’m 14) but my parents are dead set against it. I know that they can’t stop me from becoming a foster parent but I don’t want this to ruin my relationship with them. Do you have any tips on how to deal with family members opposed to fostering? Thanks!

  • Bless you…. for thinking the of the CHILDREN and the FAMILY first. So easy, just kids meeting, siblings. If my children were in foster care, I would as a family in crisis… feel so lucky I have such a caring person caring for my child. Also my brothers, when my parents were divorcing, my brothers and I kept each other feeling like a family. We KNEW we were going to be together as a family no matter what.

  • You guys are amazing for fostering. Can’t imagine how traumatic family visits can get for these children and how it affects your relationship with them after the family members leave.

  • Absolutely no good deed goes unpunished ������ Especially when it comes to kids even in the most general sense unfortunately.. You guys are amazing and I also find myself struggling with trying to understand why someone doesn’t like me lol not with trying to make them like me but trying to find out why they don’t.. seems like finding an actual reason someone holds a nasty grudge against you for doing what’s right for a child will unfortunately be fruitless in my experience. Love your family and I absolutely adore Miss.A and her wisdom beyond her years.
    Great Video �� �� �� �� ��

  • Right now our age range is 5-12ish, basically K-grade 5. Our daughter is 8. So many people have told us that we should not break birth order, and basically said we should do under 5. One of my favorite things about you guys is that you aren’t only doing kids under your bio kids ages. It’s so encouraging, especially since fostering is not super common in our area.

  • Yes! You don’t know how much I value your videos. We just passed our home study and are in the process of getting approved. We’re doing teenagers, I teach middle school so it’s what I’m the most comfortable but my husband and I are still terrified!

  • That’s so sad that y’all want the best but everyone around you is not making it happen for selfish reasons. Y’all are caring & not selfish ❤️

  • This is terrible! I’m so sorry to you and Miss A. It’s unfortunate that they couldn’t just make it work when you were trying to do what’s best for the children.

  • I didn’t let two of my children I fostered see their bio brother because he was molesting them and no one seemed to care. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Just saying sometimes there are reasons. It is a long story. The other foster parent didn’t care what his did she thought kids just played that way. It was the reason he was removed from our home. We did try and set up supervised therapy visits with them to build on but she never showed to them… she just wanted the kids handed over to her. So happy I didn’t hand them over to her.

  • I have been wondering since confidentiality for the children is so huge when fosteringto what extent do you share the children’s stories in terms of people you know in real life? For example do you share details with your aunts, uncles, cousins, best friends, etc? Just curious what is considered too much/invasive of privacy for the children when things are offline. Love your channel so much!! You have inspired me to want to foster when I am able in the future!!!

  • In my country, you can not foster a child older than yours…. They don’t give you a younger or older child to put your others out.

  • Came back to see this after the update, and WOW what a mess. I’m glad Miss A was able to see her brother after all of this. I know it’s tough to be the “bad guy” but it’s foster parents like you who inspire changes in policies for the betterment of the kids!

  • As a foster family I totally understand the foster system being frustrating and unproductive. Also the kids need be the first priority. So sorry that you had to go through this.

  • I’m in foster care rn I hate it my foster dad sent me to the shelter just cause I asked him to let me hangout with my friends (I stay in the house almost every day)

  • Such a great message! A family member of mine only takes in teens and soon will be adopting them. It’s something my husband and I are open to if we ever got that call for placement. ❤️

  • It was totally because it was called respit and it is about the financial aspect. I have dealt with this before and it truly is sad.

  • Adolescence is a very important time in an individual’s brain development. It is a HUGE deal to make a positive impact between the ages of 11-early 20s. Most people know early childhood is important for brain development-and this is true. However, it is during adolescence that the brain refines the information learned in early childhood. You can reverse (or greatly lessen) damage done early on if you intervene during the teen years. I love teenagers, they are a lot of fun. I think the most important things to remember when working with teens is to role model respect (you show them respect in the same way you’d like them to respect you) AND keep a sense of humor. There are so many battles you don’t want to latch onto-make light of it the best you can and let it go if it’s nothing major. Most things adults argue with teens about are not worth arguing about!

  • Hello, I’m studying to be a foster family social worker and agree the system needs lots of work. What are some things you would like to see in a social worker and what are ways that we can support you as foster parents more?

  • I feel bad for Miss A and her siblings but I’m glad they have you both to fight for them, even if it is difficult and frustrating. I hope you continue to do this for Miss A and other kids in the future, despite the issues you’re having. The kids are lucky to have you both.

  • I aged out of foster care…in and out of homes and treatment centers. It was traumatic. Most people who want to foster don’t want older kids and it breaks my heart. Every home I was in I never felt loved. This is why I’m so determined to foster teens when I get a bit older. I’m only 23 and I have a 3 year old but being a foster mom to older kids is what I feel like my purpose is in life. Because I will love them whole heartedly and never give up on them❤️ thanks for this video.

  • We just finished foster training last week and had our first home visit Wednesday. I was always open to teens, but it took my husband longer to raise up the age bracket. I’ve used almost all of these points with him and now our age range will be 10 15 years old. ����I’m so excited he’s finally on board with older kids.

  • I Do Understand your frustrations completely. We were in the Foster care system for a while with all great intentions. We never had any probems with the kids, we had with tons of problems with the Foster care system! To the point we quit. It was very sad, however at some point it was more self preservation of my family. That was more important to us. There is way to much red tape, regulation in the Foster care system, I find this detrimental to all of the kids that are in the foster care system.

  • I can’t imagine how frustrating it is when you need whatever it is and you have to call someone that calls someone to call someone else etc. It’s like they make things difficult and don’t really care bc once they make a call it’s out of their hands. Your too are absolutely amazing though ��

  • well the problem is not that you worry about people liking you, its that if someone doesnt like you, it might (and obviously already has in some circumstance) make the situation worse for the kids in care. thats such an awful situation.
    i dont know the rules, but you would think that there would be something like yearly unannounced visits where issues like the car seat would be found and addressed. i just dont understand how so many unfortunate personalities end up as foster parents. obviously, its not tons, but its enough that there are many, many horror stories. it cant possibly be lucrative enough to make it worth having to take in youngsters who you dont seem to want around very much, at least not enough to keep the rules.
    and im always irritated by immature adults. how unfortunate.

  • Sounds like that “lady” has no business doing what shes doing. And should find a “job” to get a paycheck and the worker is at the very least inappropriate

  • Is there a way to file a complaint against the person playing dumb?? That’s surely not in the best interest of the kids! I think you did the right thing for the right reasons.

  • You should have just given them back the per diem. Money is tight and no one likes to lose money every night. U know Thats what its about and instead of just giving the per diem to the other family, you chose to try to call her out and put her on the defensive. In the future, just give the other family the per diem as a gift of thanks for spending the night. The ultimate lesson here being do your best to try to predict what it is that the family is needing, and instead of trying to make them admit it or call them out or judge them for it, simply meet the need and move on. That way your foster kid is not missing out. And since the money doesn’t mean anything to you anyway, there should be no problem.

    I know that no one likes to hear that they could have done something better, but I think you need to hear and consider this. By not meeting the other familys needs YOU r keeping the problem going. Im sure the other family sees u as a major Karen in their side. I’m pretty sure that you have permanently ruined your chances of having an amicable situation with this other family but your foster kid has many other siblings so perhaps you can get it right with them. Be mindful, respectful, and careful about the pocket of other families because everyone is struggling financially right now. I would say something like, as a major thank you for allowing the children to be together, and because we know that money is always tight with foster children and families, as a rule of thumb we always gift the per diem back to the family for allowing the child to spend the night. and drop the money off inside of a thank you card when the kid returns home, if they refuse the cash then give him a Visa gift card and leave it on their porch. If they refuse that then tell them to donate it to someone.

    I have a great deal of respect for you and your family and the way you run your channel and do not exploit your foster or adopted children, which all the other families on here seem to do a lot of. It looks like most of your comments come from people just supporting what you’re saying and that is not going to help you better your situation. The same mind that created the problem is not the same mind that’s going to fix it. So I thought I would offer you some real advice, take it or leave it.

    Ps: also, why wasn’t it good enuf to just let the kid stay all day and bring him home at night? I think you need to take a look at your actions and respect the family’s boundaries, even if you do not think It is the best plan, because at least the children would be able to see each other and that’s what you’re saying is all you want right? I think you are more interested in fighting to be right than doing what is best for the children because it would be best for them to see each other even if it doesn’t go along with your ideal plan, but you are so bent on being right that both kids lost out. Just think about it so there can be a better outcome when u cross these same bridges in the future.

    Hearing from your “fans” who only mimic what you say is not going to help your relations with other Foster families. You should consider what people who are thinking outside of your box is saying. Clearly you can agree that there is some room for improvement because this was not a successful situation at all. And, as you know, you cannot change someone else, you can only change yourself. Hearing the truth hurts but they’re just growing pains. Learn from it so you can do better next time.

  • I think a lot of people are afraid to Foster older pre-teens and teen because of the bad image media (news, tv, movies) have given them. I do have a question. When media speaks about older fosters (especially in movies) they always run away. Obviously they are going through a huge change and their life is upside down. Are runaway foster teens as common as movies make it seem?

  • Kids need someone to fight for them �� so even though it may feel unnecessary or frustrating Mrs. A knows her happiness is worth fighting for and that’ll make an impact on her

  • Do you ever worry about an older kid with sexual misbehaviors and your little ones? We foster little ones who have been groomed and sexually abused and we do have room for another kiddo, but we really want to protect our little ones. Is that something that you consider? How do you ensure their safety? (Also, I know not all older kids will have sexual misbehaviors, but the ones we have considered having in our home have those issues.)

  • So she blames you because she didn’t have her foster son in a car seat,. Also, if she accepts the money for anytime your provide respite…she’s needs to find another way to serve!

  • No good deed goes unpunished. You guys are great, and it’s great to see a mandated reporter actually reporting what they’re supposed to report. Many don’t. I’m sorry for your frustrations but I’m glad you have each other to lean on.

  • It’s getting hard to believe what I hear. Which may or may not be a good thing depending how you look at it.
    I’ve always heard that teens will often push the foster parent away because the are “grown up” and don’t need someone or they just have that teen attitude. Basically that teens are the hardest age group to foster over all.
    I’d like to hear what foster parents who have had tons of teens and children feel about this subject.
    You both are doing a wonderful job at showing us an inside look at your life as foster parents. I hope you continue to do this!

  • To whom want to become a foster parent (special Single). My advice to befriend, with some current foster parents. Offer babysits or plays with foster children, not just one a while but often. Before taking a new child in your home. Each case different from each kid is different.

  • you two are so inspiring! i am currently a college student, but i have always known that i want to be a foster parent once i grow up and get settled. i have two adopted little sisters who lived in foster care some time before we adopted them, and witnessing how foster care impacted their lives convinced me to foster myself. its so sad how in both foster care and adoption, older kids are usually passed up or overlooked due to trauma that is out of their control. i have always dreamed of creating a safe space for kiddos like that, much like your own!

  • With my health and some other issues, I’m not sure I’ll be able to ever foster kids, but I’ve known for quite a while that I want to take in the older kids when I do. They deserve love and attention just as much as the little ones that most people only seem to want.

  • I love the idea of the door buzzers to help them to feel safer. And I love the painting idea too. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

  • I can’t imagine how frustrating that must be… I’ve never had good experiences dealing with government workers or really any person from any company in any field ever! Lmao! People are selfish, lazy, and incompetent and getting things done when you need their approval is a pain in the a**!

  • I feel like it’s a combo, Caregivwr may have been willing to “bite the bullet” when it came to letting him come over before but now that you’re the bad guys for “ratting them out” they don’t feel like losing respite funds to someone they don’t like.

  • I am getting secondhand frustration for your family!

    Can’t the caseworkers/other families put these overnights under the “normalcy” rules, remove the respite word that the people are getting hung up on and let the dang kids spend time together!!

  • You guys are just so amazing. The attentiveness and disclaimers not even assuming teens are potty trained which could have been an easy laughable moment but is a reality that some aren’t. So well informed and aware. As always I am sad Miss A has a reason to be with you all but I am so happy that she has you guys and didn’t land elsewhere.

  • Unless God has some guy out there planned for me in the next year, I will be a single Foster parent and I totally am excited about it. I have some things to do first. But then, it’s on.:)

  • Such good points, Kate! I think #2 is especially worth noting. When you have a supportive family, they are invested in the calling so much, too! They love, care for, and grow attachments with the kids in our care. When the kids leave us, they leave them too, and they also grieve. Thanks for sharing this! And YEAH #4! You know how much I believe foster parents need other foster parents ��And #6—YES!