Child Abandonment Issues Following losing a parent or gaurdian

 

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My family abandoned me Street child Osman tells sad story

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Early Loss of a Parent: Its Impact on Attachment

Video taken from the channel: Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist


 

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Video taken from the channel: Len Mooney


Child Abandonment Issues Following the Loss of a Parent. Jennifer Wolf is a PCI Certified Parent Coach and a strong advocate for single moms and dads. Growing up with an absent parent can leave kids with a deep sense of shame and loss. And when the absence appears voluntary, the impact can be even more intense.

Dec 8, 2014 Child abandonment issues are common after a parent disappears or chooses not to be involved. Learn how to help your child cope with the loss. Stay safe and healthy. If you are in a close relationship with a child with abandonment issues, there are ways that you can help them.

Our brains, and especially a child’s brain, is “plastic” and flexible in very deep, powerful ways. Basically, child abandonment issues stem from events that are totally beyond the child’s ability to name, understand, process or resolve. Abandonment fear often stems from childhood loss.

This loss could be related to a traumatic event, such as the loss of a parent through death or divorce. It can also come from not getting enough. Loss of a parent at an early age has been shown to lead to long-term psychological damage in children, especially when the parent lost is the mother. To prevent this, psychologists suggest grief therapy for the child, allowing the child to express his or her feelings and providing feedback and activities to pursue when grief resurfaces. Child Abandonment Issues Following the Loss of a Parent.

14/08/2014 · As children grow up, their parents did not notice when their children are feeling sad or needed comforting. When children are ignored, go unnoticed, or their words or actions are misunderstood by their parents, kids respond by feeling that they are unimportant, wrong, or unacceptable. Abandonment issues are also linked to Borderline Personality Disorders (BPD) and attachment anxiety. There are many actions taken by government, NGOs and orphanages to.

Child Abandonment Issues Following the Loss of a Parent. By Jennifer Wolf Deadbeat Dad Stereotypes and Unpaid Child Support. By Jennifer Wolf Child Custody Following the Death of Custodial Parent. Fact checked by Adah Chung Fathers Can Still Get Full Custody of. Jennifer Wolf is a PCI Certified Parent Coach and a strong advocate for single moms and dads.

Learn about our editorial process. Jennifer Wolf. Updated on November 29, 2019.

Child Abandonment Issues Following the Loss of a Parent. By Jennifer Wolf How to Help Your Preschooler Develop a Healthy Moral Compass. By Amy Morin, LCSW.

‘Attachment issues’ is a phrase used to describe a variety of behaviours which may arise after a child has lost his or her ‘primary carer’, often the mother, and has experienced emotional abandonment in early years.

List of related literature:

The loss of the noncustodial parent may be problematic because of residual feelings from the divorce, the child’s previous lack of close connection with the lost parent, and complex feelings between the child’s custodial parent and the lost parent’s extended family.

“Living Beyond Loss: Death in the Family” by Froma Walsh, Monica McGoldrick
from Living Beyond Loss: Death in the Family
by Froma Walsh, Monica McGoldrick
W.W. Norton, 2004

A mother who remains deeply identified with her child will experience the child’s independence as a loss to herself; if, on the other hand, she is able to revise the boundaries of her own identity as the child matures, the change will not be experienced as a loss so much as a transformation.

“The Oxford Handbook of Philosophy and Psychiatry” by KWM Fulford, Martin Davies, Richard Gipps, George Graham, John Sadler, Giovanni Stanghellini, Tim Thornton
from The Oxford Handbook of Philosophy and Psychiatry
by KWM Fulford, Martin Davies, et. al.
OUP Oxford, 2013

If older and of sufficient age, the bereaved child knows the emotional suffering that accompanies significant loss, the insecurity it brings in so many forms—emotional, physical, financial, and social—and the recognition that his or her life has forever been altered.

“Handbook of Death and Dying” by Clifton D. Bryant, SAGE., Sage Publications
from Handbook of Death and Dying
by Clifton D. Bryant, SAGE., Sage Publications
SAGE Publications, 2003

The abused adult will recreate the emotionally absent parent, the parent who could not bear the child’s pain and vulnerability, and who had left the child with a sense that the environment failed them and that there is a breach or gap in the parenting experience.

“Memory: Histories, Theories, Debates” by Susannah Radstone, Bill Schwarz
from Memory: Histories, Theories, Debates
by Susannah Radstone, Bill Schwarz
Fordham University Press, 2010

A motherless daughter who has the personal maturity and the environmental support to express her feelings, attach meaning to the loss, and form other secure attachments is most likely to accommodate the death of her mother and approach future separations without excessive trauma or pain.

“Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, 20th Anniversary Edition” by Hope Edelman
from Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, 20th Anniversary Edition
by Hope Edelman
Hachette Books, 2014

Whatever the reaction of the child to the loss of a parent or primary caregiver, and however the child tries to comprehend its meaning, it is important to help the child, in age-appropriate ways, to understand the reasons for the loss and to appreciate its finality.

“Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual, Second Edition: PDM-2” by Vittorio Lingiardi, Nancy McWilliams
from Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual, Second Edition: PDM-2
by Vittorio Lingiardi, Nancy McWilliams
Guilford Publications, 2017

If caseworkers model help and support for the difficult feelings associated with loss, at best they will help facilitate resolution of the grief process freeing the parent to put energy into the real change process.

“A Child's Journey Through Placement” by Vera I Fahlberg
from A Child’s Journey Through Placement
by Vera I Fahlberg
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2012

Children who lose a parent or primary caretaker are at risk for long­term complications, such as difficulty in forming intimate attachments or catastrophic fears of separation and abandonment (Worden 2008).

“Dulcan's Textbook of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry” by Mina K. Dulcan
from Dulcan’s Textbook of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
by Mina K. Dulcan
American Psychiatric Publishing, 2015

If the parent or parents have made only token efforts to support or communicate with the child, the court may declare the child abandoned by the parent or parents.

“California Advance Sheet February 2012” by Fastcase
from California Advance Sheet February 2012
by Fastcase
Fastcase Inc,

Grief and loss will surface for the child through each developmental phase as their ability to understand what happened and why they were placed in guardianship or adoption with their kin deepens.

“Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency: A Comprehensive Guide to Promoting Understanding and Healing In Adoption, Foster Care, Kinship Families and Third Party Reproduction” by Sharon Roszia, Allison Davis Maxon, Deborah N. Silverstein, MSW
from Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency: A Comprehensive Guide to Promoting Understanding and Healing In Adoption, Foster Care, Kinship Families and Third Party Reproduction
by Sharon Roszia, Allison Davis Maxon, Deborah N. Silverstein, MSW
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2019

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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58 comments

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  • my whole life i thought daddy issues was just a fun way of saying somebody doesn’t like their dad. then i found out i have them ��

  • My father died when I was almost 2 and my mother when I was 4. Have been living with amazing foster parents but this stuff makes so much sense of the situation I’ve been in..

  • NO MORE CRUMBS – of non-emotional relating!

    I’m talking about improving our relationships.

    No more making excuses for emotional unavailability and withholding. You want more than crumbs! You want the whole cookie. You want presence, attention, warmth, and affection. You want to be seen, known, heard, affirmed, valued, and understood.

    No more chasing after someone who shows you minimum possible investment. Life is too short. Emotional connections matter, and it’s time that you changed this old dysfunctional pattern once and for all.

    Dysfunctional relating begins by picking an emotionally unavailable partner. You need to learn some new skills – boundaries, walking away, letting go, grieving your losses, and loving yourself more fully.

    No more abandoning yourself waiting around for someone who’s not coming around. Wake up to the reality distortion and fantasy projections, and commit to a real plan of action. Today is a new day! Time for clarity, standards, and a new outlook.

    It’s time to do your healing work. Join us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships, if you’re serious about changing this old, painful pattern. If not, then you’ll stay stuck, choosing more of the same – choosing more crumbs!

    The membership community provides a structured and reoccurring 8-week program of helpful conversations, learning, and support; it offers resources, worksheets, and 180+ videos. It promotes a model of self-directed healing and invites self-accountability. It challenges you to grow. The program’s content is Attachment-Focused and Trauma-Informed.

    Every 8 weeks, we launch into a new cycle with Week #1, “Let’s Talk About Partner Relationships.” Week #2, Let’s talk about Grieving Our Losses. Week #3. Let’s talk about Family Relationships, etc.

    The program is not a course of sequential content presented in modules. The program design is based on your participating and engaging in self-reflective conversations with others and reporting what you are learning. Since the content is not sequential, new members are welcome to join us at any time.

    We’d love to have you I’d love to have you. We are a community of kind, supportive learners who want to change old patterns of relating and improve our relationships.

    Learn more and register at http://www.alanrobarge.com/community.

  • Alan Robarge is truly insightful….. he has a very deep understanding of the human condition…. It astonishers me how he is so insightful….he has been and is currently the most helpful person currently regarding the questions of what is the truth!!!!I am a 54 yo who has had a lot of life experiences.!!!

  • One day I’m going to have to get an appointment with you so I can gain extra wisdom for myself. You came outta now where on my video list and honestly I am so happy I clicked on a video. Your videos have been changing my perspective these past few days. Your the sign from my Spirit Guides. Some of the other Life Coaches I watch don’t take it deep and explain in detail every aspect of that subject with every feeling/thought in the process. Not just for my side of the story, But for the other person(s) as well. You are such a God Send! If I can stop watching them for a bit, I can get your info and sign up for your groups / community meetings. I’m too busy listening while I do my Bullet journaling addiction and Pinterest. When you explain stuff it is so sweet and non-judgmental or harsh but understanding and i feel ok about what you say is the wrong way to see things b/c I’m still learning how to heal without any resources or other people to help me.That its just awesome that you are basially going to be the reason why I can take this whole Healing Journey thing more seriously now, B/C i see it in a diff light…and i believe I’ll heal with no setbacks or even any questions to seek after. Everything resonate so well. So thank you for all your hard work and I too have been very drawn to researching, studying, and reading all I can about the Spiritual aspects of life. It’s so hard not to keep wondering what else I’ll discover and get so excited to want to share everything with the first person i see….but i don’t b/c its only me who is getting “woke” in this house. lol….Your Awesome Thank You! Your helping so many people!

  • My mom died of cancer when i was 1 year old. I always kinda brushed it off because I obviously don’t remember etc… but I’ve had serious depression and anxiety since i was 23. I wonder in what ways it affected me, and is it better or worse for me that I was so young???

  • my boyfriend lost his dad when he was 11. i remember when it happened… the school we were in announced throughout the school without my boyfriend or his family’s permission that his dad passed. ever since everyone looked at him crooked and never accepted him. when him and i started really talking just under 2 years later i was the only one that saw him for him and tried helping him. 8 years of friendship and 1 year of dating later here we are

  • Thank you for your video,very insightful.
    I lost both my parents by the age of 10 (father 7 my mother 10). I only started noticing in my late 20s the impact their death had/has on me ( i am currently 30).For the past 5 years i have been trying to deal with it the best way i can as i enter each new level into my life i gain new perspective and understanding which allows me to be more at peace, but i do have my moments of anger and frustration.
    Your video helped me understand the disconnect i feel at times with my peers.
    My romantic relationships havent been that great either, but i now understand thanks to your video i had to go through them.

  • I have dealt with abandoned of my mother as well. I have, at some point, felt that same way as I am. Still till this day. I have wondered if she never abandoned me how my life would have turned out. I ask myself that question. I have forgiven her 5 years ago, after nearly 30 years of abandonment. Even though I did forgive her, my point is, I still till this day wondered why she chose to leave me and telling my grandmother in front of me ‘she is too much to handle, you take her. Don’t want her anymore’. Sadly, that was my first memory I’ve ever received at 2.5 years old. I completely sympathize with him how he felt all his life. So sorry for your loss. Going through the abandonment issue is totally not a picnic. Still going through counseling till this day. I’m 36 years old. I have lost so many friends because of my fear of them leaving me. I have scared some of them away too, because of being over emotional. It’s not easy. But I have learned what not to do as a mother. I am currently a mom to a little boy that would be turning 2 tomorrow. Love this little boy more than life itself. I vow to never ever treat him the way my own mother treated me.

  • Dumped into a boarding school in a different country, i drifted until i joined the Army. Instant caring parents, who at times tried to kill me. Perfect life for an introvert, loner, thinker and dreamer

  • I lost my dad when I was 14 from an accident/suicide (no way of knowing for sure, but he was deeply depressed when it happened) and I was 23 when my mom passed away from cancer. 2020 marks the 10th year since my father passed and it will be a year for my mom. It feels so lonely being 24 and having no parents. I have always felt a void, a longing for connections with people. I always feel let down one way or another. It is a lonely life. I know of no one who can relate to me and my story. I have had only failed romantic relationships and I struggle in my friendships. I am doing therapy and probably will for the rest of my life. It feels like I’m broken in some way…

  • I feel deeply sorry for Paul, and his wife and family. May he Rest In Peace. I wish his son a beautiful wedding and life as well as Paul’s wife. I hope moving forward that Paul’s mother can reconcile her problems with the family and make things work out in memory of Paul. ❤️

  • Im sorry but theres so many orphanes and so on and they dont all kill themselves especially when they get a family and or friends or whatever the case. There was no reason to just leave his family like that especially when they all loved him

  • how can i help my boyfriend 32 who has not let go of the anger of watching his mother pass away at the age of 8yrs old. He then lost his Dad at the age of 20yrs old. His father was an alcoholic and abusive mental and emotionally. HE also so both his parents infidelity’s on both sides. He is like 2 different people sometimes. I love him so much and I want to help him. He refuses to get professional help. I need to help him because I am afraid that he will hurt himself.

  • My father left my mother 1 month before I was born.
    I have’ nt had much contact with him.
    I recognize a lot of what they are telling here.
    I have never married. Not long lasting relationships.
    I was average in school. Have had difficulties with education, job/ carrer. Low self esteem.
    My life has not been easy.

  • This is such a moving video. I am currently in a romantic relationship and am very much struggling with what you describe around 23:00. I am currently in therapy and working on healing, but I am still finding connection difficult. Do you think it is necessary to wait until I am further along the healing process to be in a relationship? I have a very loving partner who I also love, but the structure of a relationship has been causing me lots of anxiety. I would really appreciate your advice. Thank you!

  • Okay get ready, I’m going to talk about a dead man. Allowing his “abandonment” issues to consume his life to the point that he dumped it all on his son and wife was wrong. The woman who merely gave birth to him, not his mother, had been missing for decades and instead of appreciating all the good things he had in life, like his amazing son, he ruined all their lives by dragging them down too. Now because the father allowed his own life to be ruined by drugs and alcohol, his grieving son wants to search for a complete stranger believing it’s going to fulfill some pointless legacy. What a selfish selfish father. Now that we’ve met the mother, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

  • dads think because of the fact that they work and provide for you is enough for them to show love, when really it’s much more than that. at times I’m just filled with an empty void never knowing what it feels like to be told ‘I appreciate you’ by my father.

  • i lost my father at 25. i am now 33. this doesn’t only apply to young/teenage years. lots of my intimate development was stunted by this loss. my father was my best friend, and through this loss i feel as though my emotional space has been in a place of arrested development. it’s only very recently where i have been ready to face the work.

  • Welp…i have never seen my dad in my life. And because of him i had anxiety and depression. And when i was in middle school i have seen dads who were waiting for theyr kids but…for…me it was empty and lonely….it hurts because you see theyr happyness and love…but for me i have never felt that kind of love. But thank you Mom for being my family and both parents. ÓÒ
    And its funny cause he left me because i wasn’t a BOY. Q-Q

  • I was 11 when my father died of cancer. He had had a severe stroke when I was 8 and my brother and I taught him to read and write etc from the beginning. I have abandonment issues but I have seen from this video that I also have emotional attachment trauma. I believe that he was more emotionally attentive to my younger brother than to me. I think this spurs on my trauma because I know he didn’t love me as much as he loved my brother. My father was adopted too and suffered from emotional attachment trauma after his mother abandoned him and then he went on to snap son my half sister when she was 2 and then he died when I was 11. I found out he had been married and had another child when I was 19 so it wasn’t just the initial trauma of his death but then a follow up trauma 10 odd years later. I still suffer the impact to this day and this year will be the 20th anniversary of his death. I try every day to overcome the effects of his death and the choices he made in his life.

  • I lost my mom suddenly when I was 16. I can relate to your story a lot I’m 27 now and this year has been really hard suddenly. Thank you for making this video.

  • Alan, this was very helpful to me because I lost my father when I was 10. He didn’t die, but my parents got divorced and I didn’t see him much after that. He was an alcoholic so our bond was non existent. My early relationships were with addicts and then emotionally unavailable types. I am only now finally able to understand it. Thank you.

  • I was orphaned at a young age,my mother hated me.I was in institution’s 12-18 and ran away all the time which led to juvenile jail 13-16 off and on and then ran away. I had an abused life emotionally& physically and even now I feel lonely,have no one in my life to make it better for me. I wanted to love a baby that was about to have a bad life like I had and I adopted him.Never any abuse,always was there,always listened and I’m glad I was put on this earth to have changed one persons life. I consider myself deprived and orphaned. I give love but have a desire personally for it. I try not to think about that. Is there any one out there that had that sort of loss life? Thanks

  • My mother never left my father and i wish to God she had. He beat her on a regular basis and my Brother as well. We moved constantly never staying in one place very long. My mother left once with us and went to my grandmother. She told her you made your bed sleep in it… I hated her for that… that was the one time my mom tried. He almost killed her after that.

  • I also lost my parent (Mom) at 14. She was sick with cancer since I was 6. She knew she was terminal but that information was not shared with me until the night before she died which was the last time I saw her. I struggle with why I wasn’t told. I mean it wasn’t like I wasn’t going to find out. Surprise i’m dead. I felt totally unseen by her decision to not tell me. (she actually did not tell me-an uncle did)

  • My mother suddenly died when I was 10. I could understand it and accept it but where I feel I got stuck and continue to be stuck is, the support and structure she provided in my life was never reconstructed. Suddenly it was revealed that my grandparents and aunts and uncle had always hated her and wanted me to accept that she was a bad person,which made me very defensive of her and made me lose them as family. And that my dad, while good for having open dialogue about my feelings with was incapable of uninterested in providing for my physical needs like healthcare and food, etc. And that my only sibling wouldn’t share feelings on any of these subjects with me. it led to the feeling that no one is actually really here for me and it was a feeling proven true in ways even my worst anxiety wasn’t prepared for.

    What I don’t understand is, what’s the end game here? I understand these feelings…I know why I am who I am. What I don’t know is how to not feel so much pain about it when focusing on it?

  • My dad was basically emotionally absent but physically there. Never once asked me growing up how I was genuinely or how I was doing in school. Never showed any interest in what I liked or school or really anything that didn’t have to do with his needs… I used to think this was normal, that every day did this.

  • Thank you Allan
    I have never understood why I do this for any potential relationship: holding on, investing, too eager to invest in a relationship that has not ever
    Developed and this high tolerance for absence, I would like to do all the work to heal my attachment trauma whic I believe existed at a very early age and every stage, as I repeatedly sabotage any potential relationship.
    I also married a man who could not connect emotionally and I could not understand why. We had a brilliant wonderful son. Sadly I don’t think I was present and emotionally available due to my depression and self absorbed distraction.. I always felt wrong and limping mentally
    This video in particular has raised my awareness of why I do this with any potential romantic interest.
    ( we divorced when my son was 2 and I raised my son with an absent father

  • I lost my mom when I was 10. We had a day off from school due to an ice storm. I went to a friends for lunch and when I left she( my mom ) was just fine and while I was gone she a blood clot go to her heart and she died. I never had time to totally grieve her death I had to step up to the plate and watch over my brother who was 8. A lot at that time changed everything in our lives.

  • I didn’t lose a parent, but at the age of five years old I knew that I had to be my own parent. At this point, I do except crumbs in my relationships. I didn’t know why before these videos came out. So thank you for your work, your videos. They have helped me to understand myself better.

  • Mom and dad split up when I was 2 but me and my father would still spend time on most weekends and most holidays although sometimes he wouldn’t show up and almost always be late but then eventually when I was 14 we blocked off all contacts because of his abusive behaviour and bad examples until I was 19 and then we started seeing each other off and on but don’t see him right now though

  • I was interested in a man who lost his father at 15. His behavior irked me. He was a loner and he was socially awkward. I was very attracted to his intelligence and kindness. However, I lost interest when I found out he wasn’t just flirting with me but another woman too. It made me look at him a different way.

  • I would say though that even when me and my dad were still seeing each other on weekends and holidays he was still absent because he wasn’t living with us and sometimes like I said he wouldn’t even come he was still split up from us and my mother and not living under the same roof and I did have a stepfather but he was of course an abusive neglectful man and he would drink alot but yes my biological parent was separated

  • Is it bad that I want to have an absent relationship with my dad….??

    Edit: also….yea I might have an absent relationship with my dad/ and I still visit him often…

  • WOW. Just doing some research for a story I am writing in part, based on some personal experiences and absolutely got rocked by this. Thank you, this is life-changing.

  • Really, really good Alan. I appreciate your honesty, vulnerability, and insight. I lost my Mom (and had no father) at 18 years old. At the end of the Identity-Role Confusion stage, it was as if I was thrown into a flux, and lost a sense of true self for about a decade. I allowed others to inform (and form) an identity for me that did NOT fit. I am happy to report that I have been able to find a more suitable sense of self, and feel more confident about the direction my life is going. Thank you so much for positing this video!

  • My dad left us when I was 3 and he past when I was 19! I don’t feel much about it. I don’t think I can truly address it until my loss from my earlier stage in life is addressed! I lost my mom when I was 5 and my brother. We were stolen and put in an institution. I haven’t had a care giver since I was 5! I love all your videos. They are very encouraging and life giving! You are such a blessing to God’s children! Thank you and much love. Xx

  • I feel so lucky that my dad, even though my mother divorced him, still did his very best to be active in my life by calling me almost every night and having me visit as often as possible. The only regret I have is that he didn’t get custody, as my mother is a manipulative piece of shit.

  • Well, allow me to disagree. I grew up with an absent parent and yet, except for a highlighted fear of rejection I’ve developed as a concequence but which I’ve eventually overcome I’ve never really had any of these issues.
    On the contrary, I’ve always been top of the class, had higher studies, always been praised by my teachers for my excellent learning skills and expressive nature. In fact, many people who grew up motherless or fatherless are artistically gifted, due to their high sensitivity, which is I’m sure the case not only for me but for many people now reading my comment. Never have I ever smoked a cigarette or even been drunk. And I wouldn’t describe myself as less happy than other kids as a child. My point is that, sometimes one excellent parent and proper education are enough.
    I disliked this video because after watching it, a younger fatherless/motherless person would think of themselves as doomed to being less smart or less-than. Which is absolutely not true.
    ❤️ Prove them wrong child!

  • Lost my mother at age 12 to suicide. Later found out she never wanted children and had an abortion before me. Learning more about what was going on with her and her depression helped with the bitter feelings i had of being left behind however now at 30 i still struggle to connect and feel secure in relationships. Alan your videos have been very refreshing in simply identifying what is happening internally for me. Thank you for doing this.

  • When I was a child my mother was stone cold emotionally to me. My dad left when I was 6. I don’t know what it’s like to be unconditionally loved by a mother or father

  • Army wife? Hmmmm, red flag….
    The military warns men about having serious relationships with women while on active duty. I hope she was faithful to her husband, because only she is left to tell His Story…and it could be anything.

  • Yeah. My father when I was 19. We had no warm relationship. So, now I’m putting up with crumbs, and I’m hanging onto the promises. ��

  • I have a father with Multiple Sclerosis. Hes been in my life but physically seperate or unavailable at many times. Parents not together either.
    Does this count? Or is it more to do with afflicted parents??

  • I will NEVER understand how parent can leave his child and still go to bed with herself/ himself every night.
    And not thinking how much damage they did to their children. How their children will have trust issues…
    The video made me very emocional, it was very beautiful, really gotting the point?

    Whats the show when woman said:
    ,,Is all you wanna do hurt me?”

  • My 14 year old son just lost his father to suicide. They didn’t have the best relationship. His Dad was emotionally unavailable and lived far away. Thank you for making this video.

  • I haven’t really seen any of my parents until 4th Grade when they found out my Math grades went down. My younger siblings luckily didn’t have to suffer the way I did.

  • Your video has allowed me to recognize and understand what has been the most difficult truth to accept in my life. I thank you for waking me up so that I can begin the journey into healing this emotional scar and so that I can connect with my children so that they begin the heal the emotional connection with me. Well done

  • My dad’s present physically but not emotionally. He’s autistic like me so I guess it kinda makes sense that it’s hard for him to connect with people but god damn he doesn’t even respond to me when any topics related to my emotions come up. He yells at me about how he’s annoyed or he’s angry or he’s blah blah blah but the moment I want to /compromise/ about something that I don’t agree with he shuts off and doesn’t say anything or look at me. This has made it hard for me to be able to connect with people in general and I always feel like I’ve done something wrong when I share my feelings with anyone. Thanks dad, for uh, ya know, not getting help for your own issues.

  • I had no contact with my dad because my so called ‘mother’ never wanted anything from him
    He ended up passing away around July or August of 2016
    Last time I saw him I was 7…
    I can’t believe my ‘mother’ kept me away from the only non abusive family member I had for more than half of my life…

  • I lost my mother when I was 11 from cancer. I hate how I always have high expectations for myself and don’t actually get a lot done. I hate that I’m missing out on so many meaningful memories that would’ve majorly impacted me. And my dad is hardly even there for me

  • I actually do believe, in an ideal world, just because the parents have split up, doesn’t mean the children have to suffer or be effected in anyway, as i believe, as ling as the child feels lived by both parents and is not confused in anyway, then there shouldn’t really be a problem with that! But it doesn’t really work out that way does it!

  • Hi Alan, both of my parents are are alcoholics. my mother still is and my fathered died as i were 13. now,
    i´m 24. still today, i never felt an emotionl connection between someone.
    My mother just blames me, is totally unresponsible for her feelings/ no empathie towards me and my brother. That was the origin of self disrupting feelings that i was a burden
    and felt totally guilty for not keeping the family together or be guilty for my mothers problems. it was always very shallow
    talk without real interest, in my experience.
    On top of that i always felt that nobdody could ever love me, nor be interested in me.
    it´s very hard for me just to start conversations without shame for feeling so unexperienced. i can
    just interact logically, everything else feels weird, crazy. i feel that there is a big need to connect
    with others, but it is so hard without realtime guidance. it´s very very hard to crawl out of this.
    Or i just can´t let in persons who are interested in me. The defense might be on guard extremly, but that´s just mine
    interpretation. As i write this i feel the trauma. The loss of a parent, following an abscent mother, leaving me crushed.
    might it be a right step to speak with woman about this? lol or is this crazy, i have absolutly no clue what can i do or what
    i can´t, this brings me into desperation. I would describe myself as very indepentend emotionally, but with codependent personality traits.
    i´m still reading and searching for help….no connection skills, shame, no connection, isolation, no development. vicious circle.

    Alan thank you for beeing there for us,
    especially the group offer on your homepage is a great idea.

    Best wishes.

  • I lost my mum at 3 years. not to death. but she left due to domestic violence from my father.i grew up with my dad. I’m a woman. 28 now

  • i was 6 when my mom died of a rare form of cancer. i’m trying to figure more about all the stuff she went through (diagnostics, treatments, dates, etc) but i’m also trying to figure of some of the psychological effects it had on me. looking back to when i was in kindergarten, i threw up all the time and spent a lot of time with the nurse, i sucked my thumb a lot (which i was embarrassed about even that young), and other little things like that. i keep trying to search for the psychology behind things like that but i can’t find anything.

  • Let’s all remember that our parents are wounded children of disconnected upbringings as well,so they did the best they could with the trauma they carry as well.
    There needs to be no blame, just an end to this cycle of destruction by repairing ourselves ����