Are You and your spouse Prepared to Have Another Baby

 

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If you’re considering another baby, it’s time to sit down and have a good, long discussion with your partner. If your first child is old enough, don’t. “If you’re ready to be a parent, it should be an ongoing conversation with your partner, but not one you’re broaching every minute of every day,” he said. “It’s fine to check in with each other about both the desire for children and timing, though.”.

The decision to grow your family is no small thing. The addition of another baby brings big changes—for you and your partner, but also for your older child. So how can you tell if you’re really ready? Here’s how other moms knew.

With a second pregnancy, you have a task that you didn’t have the first time around: preparing your older child. Says Leeson, “I like the analogy of a husband coming home and saying to his wife, ‘It’s been so great being married to you that I decided to get another wife. Assuming that you know your partner wants to become a parent, but you fear he may not be ready, you need to explore what might be holding him back. If you’re planning to be at home with the baby or to take an extended maternity leave, he may be feeling pressured to earn enough to support the family. Babycenter has some research on the best time to have another baby.

In terms of the family relationship: when your first is under 1 year old or over 4 years old. what is your family ready for. Are you thinking about having another baby, but just not sure? Or does your partner want one, but you’re conflicted?

Published October 1, 2018 · Updated October 1, 2018. Waiting two years before having another baby is the general consensus among most parents. For one, your body is ready, it’s had enough time to bounce back from the previous pregnancy. Waiting at least 18 months reduces the risk of complications, such as premature birth or low birthweight.

Your gut instinct will tell you a lot about your readiness for another baby. If you take the time to weigh these factors, you should have a pretty good idea about whether or not you’re ready for another baby. Are You Ready for Another Baby?

Debating whether you’re ready to face sleepless nights, smelling like spit-up and the endless sea of diapers again? Find out if you’re on your way to another pregnancy or if you’ve got some waiting time.

List of related literature:

I feel ready to have a child and I keep trying but I do not get pregnant.

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from SADC Gender Protocol 2019 Barometer
by Morna, Colleen Lowe, Rama, Kubi
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I worry about whether we should have another child, whether I’m too old, whether it will be too difficult, whether our family is complete or not.

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Right now, it’s not the right time, and my husband is totally understanding, although he wants kids a bit sooner.”

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Since beginning dialysis, we have thought about having another child, but we are not ready yet.

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My husband and I had just figured out our groove with family and business when I realized something big—I really wanted to have another baby.

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I wanted very much to have another baby, but I was really worried it would lead to the same problems.

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I am young yet and I can wait for a while to have more children.

“Motherhood in Bondage” by Margaret Sanger, Margaret Marsh
from Motherhood in Bondage
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Rose: Well, I have been thinking about this… things seem to be expressed in ‘do this or do that’ but I think when it is the right time for both of us, there is nothing to stop us trying for another baby.

“Communication Skills for Midwives: Challenges in Everyday Practice” by Carole England
from Communication Skills for Midwives: Challenges in Everyday Practice
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Then if we wait until the first kid is two years old before we try for another one, I’ll be trying to get pregnant at 38.

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We’re definitely planning to have another child, but we’re not sure how far apart to space them.’

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Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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46 comments

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  • Thank you for sharing this! I’m stuck on if I want a second child or not but you gave me some good things to think about while I’m making my decision.

  • If someone is wondering why this video has so many thumbs DOWN… because it’s absolute negativity and toxicity. IF YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH YOUR 2ND CHILD please do yourself a favor and don’t watch it.

  • So how are people out here having 5 kids??? I actually grew up in a house with 10 kids, and my mom grew up in a house with over 25 kids. To me, having so many kids in the house growing up was not a big deal. Now, I have just one and I’m like….that’s enough ��

    I looked up “reason to have a 2nd kid” I’m halfway through the video and these are the exact reasons I haven’t been convinced to have another one.

  • Hi just a quick question we had a baby 5 weeks ago and won’t to wait at least six months before trying again if we both won’t a nother baby is it safe to try again this early had only vag births three twins 18 years ago single 15 years ago and the new one but we are in our late 30s.

  • My little sister was born 3 weeks after I turned 1, honestly before a certain age we wont remember ever being a lone child, i never felt like i came second or my sister came first in any way, i never experienced sibling rivalry or jealousy because we are so close.
    Now im expecting my second, im 20 weeks along and already have 9 month son, he is a joy, he has been sleeping whole nights 7-7 since he was 3 months old, no matter what i know that if this one is a bad sleeper my son will sleep and nights will be fully for the smaller sibling, and economy wise, in sweden healthcare is payed for with taxes so basically free healthcare.
    Point is, siblings are great, some parents struggle and some are lucky and have minimal struggles.
    Everyone is special in how the view things and anxiety is probably not what this video is supposed to make most of you feel XD

  • I watched this video in 2018 when my second was on the way now,
    I’m back to confirm that it’s soooo hard
    Three years and one year old living in an apartment ������ thousands miles away from my family.
    Husband in the office whole day long.

  • I love being mommy and playing mommy roll. The only thing I ask for is right after delivery allow me to rest for 1-2 days because delivery is exhausting lol. So daddy need to do daddy duties for the first 24-48 hours of baby life then I’ll be good. However, if that doesn’t happen then I might feel like “Man this is a lot of work!” Good luck to all the mommies out their!

  • I regret not spending a lot of time wirh my first born. I regret now that I worked so much. I felt like I didn’t take the moment, stop and enjoy every single moment. Now he’s 11 and I still have that guilt. It was like we rushed him with our work schedule. He had to understand time. Now over a decade later he will be a big brother. Only change is the doctor I worked for I no longer work for so I’m not swamped as before. So I will enjoy this moment.
    Thanks for your honesty ❤

  • My first baby is 7 years old. He was born and I never really struggled with my son. He never really had tantrums and always really listened to me. Not even while pregnant I had trouble, I didn’t suffer from morning sickness or stretch marks or any symptoms what so ever, I didn’t even feel my contractions! I am currently pregnant with my second baby, and I am terrified. Although it was planned I am still very terrified! I feel because my first born was so calm my second is going to drive me crazy! And I have zero patience for crazy. Also I am scared my first baby will feel put to the side and that he is not loved. I most definitely do not want the to happen!

    I know everything will be okay but I am ferried!!! Someone help!

  • Iam doing analysis lot… weather to have second baby or not… thought my husband is 100 percent sure with one kid.he is most lovable kid..he is afraid second one may be notorious

  • Also I thought because my son slept through the night at 5 weeks that my daughter was going to be a horrible sleeper lol. Nope she started sleeping through the night at a month old, my son only gets up at night to either go to the bathroom or fill up his water bottle.

  • Thanks for the video. I just had my 2nd a month ago and i needed this.�� i feel super guilty for getting mad at my toddler all the time but im working on it. Im overwhelmed sometimes but im working on it.

  • I started out 228, was 250 at the end of my pregnancy, then I got down to 220 [still at the same weight 2 years later]. I’m six feet tall and built like a tank, don’t judge. Now with a second baby, I’m terrified to gain a bunch…

  • Thank you for the honesty, I am preparing for my second baby and there’s so much i feel I’m not prepared for right now, I am trying to take it one step at a time but this video is really comforting and informative.

  • Your 2nd baby sounds a bunch like my first baby… no free time, waking through the night, overwhelmed, body doesn’t “bounce back “ My first baby was a boy so maybe that has something to do with that. I was all worth it but I don’t think anyone planning to have a baby should except their lives to be just how it was before, at least not for a bit.

  • Thank you so much. I’m a new mom to a 10 month old and i really appreciated the honesty and the last big point that things get better. I needed that. Sometimes i get so overwhelmed. Now to spend time with my first baby ❤

  • Read the comments first and saw not to watch if pregnant loool. Currently pregnant with second baby… and I’m glad I’m not freaking out haha.

  • We have 2 boys and I want to try for the daughter. I told my husband on our 1st date I wanted 8 kids. Now that we are married. I told him I would settle for 3 kids. My husband is now mentally ill. He thinks we are barely handling what we have. He has obsessive thoughts about the world’s impending doom and about the earth being over-run by trash.

    I’m not ready to let go of my dream. I’m going to be 39. It feels like it’s now or never. I’m so heartbroken. If he was still the man I married, he would do anything to make me happy. Now he is a fearful mentally ill person. Prayers his meds adjustment in December helps him get on board. I wanted to start trying in November. I was even reading about how to conceive a girl. This is soul crushing.

  • When she says it has helped her relationship with her husband, that’s her experience, babies won’t make UR relationship with ur partner better, if u r making a child ur shared distraction, u won’t find happiness

  • He needs to back off give her space n let her find her own way, stop being controlling, please allow her to develop because your making her insecurities worse n then baby will pick up on this xx

  • First of all he is abusive mentally. He pressures her into having a baby then bullies her. He won’t let her find out things on her own. He is a sick controlling man.

  • I’m glad ur honest bc a lot of moms fake it and arent honest abt how hard it is..i have 2 yr old twins and it’s been chaotic from day 1..what ur saying has been my reality since they were born

  • Here because I have a six month old baby and I’m having thoughts of having a second baby and I’m trying to convince myself not to ������ hi from another YouTube mom! Great video ❤️

  • To be honest there are times l wish l never had my second,it’s so stressing atymes..m nt going to have a third one coz l don’t get enough time to do my chores n l feel lyk am not the same anymore,l js feel different…l feel like my daughter no longer gets my attention shz 5 and the second one is 4months

  • My husband and I have just started talking about possibly having a 2nd one. �� maybe I should get my first one out of diapers he is 2

  • I told my husband when my second was born that he needed to get a vasectomy or I would try and have another. He put it off for over a year! And when I started having periods again I told him he needed to use condoms start to finish �� and if he got me pregnant it was on him! Well….waiting right now to see if I am pregnant with number three.

  • The mom and the baby need space!! When he goes to work and travel, she is going to be with the baby, so she needs to feel secure about motherhood, and bond with her child. He is insecure and is scared that the baby may love her more than him, so he is trying to do everything so the baby likes him more.

    And it was disgusting when he said he was ready and would squeeze the baby out if he could. wtf

  • Great video btw, it’s just the reality, we’ll get over it. Still one of the happiest days of my life, being a mum. LOve it so much!

  • You are disgusting, pushing your own expecations onto somebody else even your partner, is the most disgusting thing you can do. If you want kids but they don’t just break up no???? The fuck is wrong with you

  • Having kids is a complete blessing. However, Instead of giving my daughter a sibling I’m giving her a healthy mom… mentally, physically and emotionally.

  • god let her figure it out herself a bit, just a bit. she needs some time alone with the baby, she needs to connect. She needs to figure out Vaseline and breastfeedingand she is tired. I am tired of hearing about you being tired. Let her connect with her baby for gods sake man, I appreciate your help. I appreciate you wanting to do stuff for your baby… but god man, please back off her.

  • None of your persuation tactics is going to work with me.

    I’m kidding… I’m actually infertile so even if you managed to convince me or make me want to it just wouldn’t work.

    Again that was a joke. I’m not infertile but I’m willing to have the surgery so she won’t have any hopes of having children with me if she stays.

  • I fear I want have as much love and connection with a new baby I’m so torn any advice would be greatly appreciated I hope you respond.. thanks

  • I am pregnant with my second (a little boy)…my daughter is turning 2 in Feb. She just hit terrible 2s in the last month or so and doesn’t wanna sleep. I am stressed about having a newborn and my daughter that doesn’t wanna sleep.

  • Hello beautiful
    When i heard you talking about postpartum depression i had tears in my eyes
    I really feel you because i lived the same hard moments and I would love to share my experience with you

  • I am sorry your first born didn’t satisfy that carnal desire to be a parent, as for me all I can say is that I am so blessed that my fist born (and only) did, and still dose, many years later! She simply completed my desire for offspring….

  • Thanks for sharing:) I think the most obvious things aren’t said, but totally need to be! I was so naive when I had my first, didn’t event THINK about what recovery was going to be like. So happy to see that someone is addressing the “obvious” you had some great points:) hope your family is doing great!

  • I want a second child but my husband doesn’t. I think he’s being selfish. He’s only 2. We’re older parents so only small window left but he won’t change mind, we even went for counselling. Trying to accept it now but think it’s been forced on me. I feel huge resentment towards him because of this but realise 1 is a blessing when some can’t have any. But discuss this before marriage, we didn’t specify/state numbers ourselves tbh just said were wanted kids & to me that was always 2. Sure they are expensive, less time, more pressure, harder with 2 but to me anything worth having is hard. Compromise & sacrifice are part of life. Nothing I hear will put me off wanting a second.

  • My first son is a brute and we have not slept through the night for the last year. I am expecting the next kid to the be the polar opposite ����

  • Man..:( This was not encouraging at all, it actually fueled every fear and anxious thought I already have in my 3rd trimester with my 2nd. I know you did’t mean it that way, and I’m sure it’s all true, but do you have another video on how you actually deal with the challenges and anxiety? Does anyone have a more positive/practical video recommendation to watch alongside this?

  • Lol everyone is getting mad because he is literally doing exactly what moms usually do but nobody has a problem with it vise versa. She said herself that she doesn’t feel like a mom and she doesn’t know what to do (just like most guys). I think he’s great and if he hadn’t taken charge she probably would’ve lost it

  • I don’t know why you’re getting so much piss from some of these people in the comments. I think you came off very compassionate in this video. You never once said anything about forcing someone to have children against their will or lying to your partner. You literally emphasized SO many times about being patient and communicating with your partner. It’s like these people just read the title and got butt hurt. Ignore them sweetie.

  • Kinda like useful, but like kinda also like dont kinda know, like kinda video that, like, kinda distracts me like… from the topic.
    #stayinschool ����‍♀️

  • Completely agree with your statement about doing things with your children, individually. That’s what my entire channel is devoted to!

  • Lol im pregnant with number 3 and they will be 2yrs and 10months apart. My 1st child turning 10 so having a newborn and a 7yr old was tough cause I didn’t want to make her feel left out. However it’s way easier now that she is older..Number 3 will be here end of March and now this scares me…Lol but thanks for keeping it real..

  • I change every day depending on my two year old mood. He is so strong willed and stubborn he is exhausting. I don’t know if i could even survive it lol