Working Moms Don’t Allow Your Mental Load Result in Burnout

 

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Working Moms: Don’t Let Your Mental Load Lead to Burnout A national survey by Bright Horizons finds working moms are the best at managing teams, but stress and bias can lead to burnout. French cartoonist Emma brilliantly explains the mental load and its effect on working mothers in a new comic titled “You Should’ve Asked.” The comic starts out with a quick story of an overworked mom who had to cook while tending to her child at a dinner party. Eventually things get out of hand as the mom attempts to handle everything herself.

If two or more of the above symptoms sound familiar, you might be experiencing what I refer to as the working mom’s dilemma, which can lead directly to mommy burnout. The great thing is that moms don’t have to accept these feelings as normal. There are some easy-to-implement changes that can be done to cope with working mom stress.

The mental load is a term for the invisible labor involved in managing a household and family, which typically falls on women’s shoulders.Also sometimes referred to as “worry work” or “cognitive labor,” the mental load is about not the physical tasks but rather the overseeing of those tasks. It’s being the one in charge of having the never-ending list of to-do items constantly running in your. The mental load that working mothers must take on is a responsibility that no one else can understand. You are the one in charge of keeping track of doctor’s appointments, signing permission slips, bringing potluck dishes, remembering birthdays, writing cards, staying on top of of clothes and sizes, knowing what’s in the fridge and pantry.

Even more disheartening is the finding that while 69 percent of working moms say their household responsibilities create a mental load, a full 52 percent say they are burning out from the weight of. Time Demands With all the care and nurturing that children require, as well as the additional demands of extra people in the household, most mothers feel a shortness of time.Whether it’s a lack of sufficient time to get the laundry done, time to spend just playing with the kids, time to one’s self, or time for dozens of other important activities, many mothers find that there are simply. Often the most tiring aspect of this work is being the “Knower of All the Things.” So often the mom is the one who holds all of the behind-the-scenes knowledge about all of the many things involved in raising a kid. The one who plans, who notices, who anticipates, who researches, who worries. This is often referred to as “the mental load.”.

Feeling as though your work comes home with you and being unable to get your clients out of your mind. It is obvious that this kind of thinking can quickly lead to burnout. Set aside relaxation time.

Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and deep breathing activate the body’s relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of the stress response. Get plenty of sleep. Feeling tired can exacerbate burnout by causing you to think irrationally.

List of related literature:

But if your family is healthy (and your job is, too), you’ll find a routine and start to think, “Okay, it feels like chaos but I’m nailing this working parent gig—I can do this!

“Getting to 50/50: How Working Parents Can Have It All” by Sharon Meers, Joanna Strober
from Getting to 50/50: How Working Parents Can Have It All
by Sharon Meers, Joanna Strober
Viva Editions, 2013

For millions of other working mothers out there who are also devoted to their kids, there actually are aspects of work that are tons more gratifying than trying to get your kid to clean her room, going to the park yet again, or surviving temper tantrums.

“The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women” by Susan Douglas, Meredith Michaels
from The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women
by Susan Douglas, Meredith Michaels
Free Press, 2005

By doing joint projects where you and your child work together, your child can see your motivation and work habits.

“A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children” by James T. Webb, Janet L. Gore, Edward R. Amend
from A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children
by James T. Webb, Janet L. Gore, Edward R. Amend
Great Potential Press, 2007

Create a “job description” that will benefit the entire family and help avoid frustration down the road, and be open to modifying it if she discovers that, say, doing all the laundry and cooking in addition to her childcare duties is exhausting her.

“Dad's Guide To Pregnancy For Dummies” by Mathew Miller, Sharon Perkins
from Dad’s Guide To Pregnancy For Dummies
by Mathew Miller, Sharon Perkins
Wiley, 2014

On the positive side, it can impact her general satisfaction and morale by providing mental stimulation, building self­esteem, and offering a break from child care and home chores.

“Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective” by George W. Holden
from Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective
by George W. Holden
SAGE Publications, 2014

You may be surprised how much stress will be removed from your life when your partner transitions to full-time childcare and can take care of some of the chores and tasks that eat up your precious weekend, but don’t have unrealistic expectations.

“Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies” by Matthew M. F. Miller, Sharon Perkins
from Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies
by Matthew M. F. Miller, Sharon Perkins
Wiley, 2010

If the problem is burnout, you may be able to motivate her with some change of duties and responsibilities that would add variety and interest to her job.

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from Supervision in the Hospitality Industry: Leading Human Resources
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It can easily become a major stress when the mother adds outside employment to her schedule.

“Breastfeeding: A Guide for the Medical Profession” by Ruth A. Lawrence, MD, Robert M. Lawrence, MD
from Breastfeeding: A Guide for the Medical Profession
by Ruth A. Lawrence, MD, Robert M. Lawrence, MD
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2015

This is not to suggest that mothers should not work full time, but rather to point out the unrealistic expectations and unbalanced workloads our culture places on this one family role.

“Experience Sampling Method: Measuring the Quality of Everyday Life” by Joel M. Hektner, Jennifer A. Schmidt, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
from Experience Sampling Method: Measuring the Quality of Everyday Life
by Joel M. Hektner, Jennifer A. Schmidt, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
SAGE Publications, 2007

“It’s so important to find the source of the burnout—it could be work, family, mar— riage, or keeping a clean house,” says life—bal— ance coach Wendy Kaufman, M.A.

“The Doctors Book of Home Remedies: Quick Fixes, Clever Techniques, and Uncommon Cures to Get You Feeling Better Fast” by Editors of Prevention
from The Doctors Book of Home Remedies: Quick Fixes, Clever Techniques, and Uncommon Cures to Get You Feeling Better Fast
by Editors of Prevention
Rodale Books, 2010

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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23 comments

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  • Yeah but you take away a womens motherly role she will be miserable still. You meet women who are past 30 with no family unless she has a huge career she is miserable asf and all her family pressure her to get married.

  • There is a simple solution: have children but on your own. Or co parenting but no marriage. I did that and I am not a tired mum. I share custody with my coparent so it gives me plenty of free time (hence I still have a free life, part time). Same for my coparent. Children quite happy because they still have a mum and a dad and there is no conflict, divorce etc. Dont marry. Forget about this couple stuff, most of the time it exhausts women because they do > 50%, full time. Coparenting is the future. Just my humble opinion. Peace xx

  • Are these not the same independent, strong and beautiful women who don’t need a man? No wonder our society is full of mental illness

  • Guys, you do realize that most animals that are like us (pack-centered) raise children as a GROUP? Of course moms feel overwhelmed, THEY ARE. Humans are not made for raising children alone, that’s where the “needing a town to raise a child” saying comes from. You DO need a town.
    And with the society of individualism today, that need is ignored at best, and frowned upon at worst.

  • Having technology tell you how unhappy you are is the culprit! I’m so glad I raised my children in the 80’s and loved that I was able to be a stay-at-home mother. We didn’t need the latest gadgets to have fun, spent summers at the lake, exploring nature etc., growing our own vegetables, a lot of outdoor activities no matter the weather. In their 30’s now they tell me they had a great childhood and that’s all that matters to me! Women shouldn’t judge other women who decide to stay home and raise their children themselves and if you are a career woman and happy to have someone else raise them then do it. It was just not for me and I was able to fulfill my creative side too by being home so it was right for me. So happy my daughter-in-law has decided to stay home to raise my grandchildren too❣️ It’s just a very personal choice in my humble opinion.

  • I honestly am not going to have kids unless I have serious financial means to help support me in their upbringing. Money for night nannies, and nannies during the day so I can get some social time and rest. I need money for them to be in activities they enjoy, money to take them on trips so they could experience other cultures and be exposed to the diversity of the world early on. I would want help keeping the house clean and organized and tutors to help them get the educational support they would need. I recognize that I am not equipped to handle all of these facets of raising a well-cared for child on my own. I would not curse myself and another innocent being to a life of dissatisfaction and unnecessary stress. I love my parents, but they did not have enough resources to raise me in a healthy way, and I have suffered for it. I think it’s okay to say I just want to focus on taking care of myself now.

  • This is a great talk. I’m sure it helps a lot of moms out there!
    But there is something I have to mention. She said that moms report more often than dads/men that they feel their lives are unfulfilled. And draws the conclusion that that is because women need close human relations more than men. But we are not sure that that’s the case. A lot of men find it more difficult to express their feelings, especially if they perceive those feelings as “weakness”. There have been studies in which it became clear that men are more often alone and lonely than women. The reasons for that being: 1. They never really learned how to “make and keep friends”. 2. When men are in a relationship with a woman, he “lives through her” because she is often the one that maintains contact with friends and family.
    So a lot of men DO feel lonely and depressed because of the lack of friends etc, but they are less likely to admit it (to themselves) because they fear to be perceived as “weak”. Admitting that you feel your life is unfulfilled can also be perceived as a “sign of weakness”. And because of this men are less likely to seek help and the risk on suicide increases. Unfortunately I don’t remember the name of this study, but still I had to mention this. Men are often “forgotten” when it comes to these subjects.

  • Growing up comes with responsibility. So does raising kids that depend on your life experience to survive childhood in which you as individual choose to have. Like that’s life in modern society.. Of course you’re going to be unhappy only caring about other people’s needs so they themselves can thrive better than you later on in life while everyone else seems to be dashing to the invisible finish line. You reassure your genetic survival by having your offspring and ensuring their survival and prosperity comes before yours. Passing of the torch. In this day an age I noticed more men are willing to take more responsibility in the child care area, however both parties are still at odds due to conflicting ways of raising said child. Which in turn causes favoritism issues with the child and resentment in the least favored parent.

  • I feel the pressure of having kids. I value marriage and traveling. Me time. I love my sleep. I have several autoimmune disorders activated by stress. Sometimes I feel like I should but I don’t think I could handle it. Motherhood isn’t for everyone. ����

  • I am single, no kids, but I’ve seen my friends get married, have a child then two then three, disappeared one by one ; I did try to reach out to them, but for me it’s hard since they only had one topic: their child (starting with burpees and now it’s school thing) which I have no interest in whatsoever, so yeah, I stopped reaching out…

  • At least they admit its whinecore music,
    “DUUU YOU HAVE THE TIME, TO LISTENNope.
    Always hated whinny cunt music like this. I feel really bad if this is the only music from the 90’s you know of or listen to, You really missed out:/

  • I do have trouble understanding why nobody expects that they’re going to give their life up when they have kids. Very obviously that’s what most people do so why is it such a surprise? I have never met or seen a parent who didn’t look overweight and exhausted and miserable all the time even when they claim to be happy. (And it’s lie not lay.)

  • This is so true. Thank you for this. I feel like it’s the truth that no one’s been able to pin down until now. I’m gonna go call my best friend…

  • I had friends once… but now they all have kids and families ����. Time is ticking away, you cannot depend on friends to fill your life forever. When we all are old, gray, bed bound and lacking capacity only then will we experience true loneliness. This will be magnified if you don’t have children, I only hope the people that have and don’t have children in our old age will take pity on our souls

  • The problem that has no name is code for the problem that never existed. Living in isolation, in a sterile suburb, cut off from family and friends, isn’t natural. Feminism hasn’t resolved the problem that has no name, it has merely doubled up on the demands made on both partners. If you think that men lead ideal lives of self realization and freedom, then you really haven’t grasped the reality. Men suffer as much or more than women, but they don’t make nearly as much noise about it.

  • As a career mom, i need to work hard, i need to stay up in my field of expertise and i need to take care of my little one. My husband need to be partner in my life and not another worry or load. I knew i can’t have it all but i can have “my all”. I do conscious choice in life. I cater, i hire a house keeper, I go on vacation with my parent in law as they organize everything, i split home responsibility with my husband. My personal time, i spend it with my family. I did a lot of mistakes but when you have measure the risk and learn from your error.s…there are less regrets. And this is my goal. At my gold age, i want to be able to look back in my life and have no regrets.

  • I’m a new mother and I’m losing friends and only talk to my spouse… Barely talk to my other family members…I’m a working mom (UberEats), but I can bring him with me

  • Camille Paglia noted that her mother grew up in a “community of women”, where the women supported each other, in a format that goes back a few thousand years. Camille noted that women don’t have that nowand it is very, very traumatic, to women.

  • Are we going to have virtual tours now with corona virus… I wonder because that would be super lame
    If you ( like this style of music ) I have a original rock music project on my youtube channel of a ( similar style ) called ( Distorted Colors ) as Green Day are definitely one of my influences keep on rocking

  • Watching during COVID 19 quarantine ���� working full time from home with kids here and attempting to homeschool, “failures and frauds” um, yeeeaaah

  • Oh shut up stay at home mom you have a job and a husband you dont have wny issues except being spoiled all your life the real mothers having issues are single mothers without a job and no friends or family

  • The problem is the totally lopsided expectations of what a Woman has to do vs a Man in regards to child rearing and housework. Add a career to it and it’s total burnout. Seriously, who has time for friends? Not the Mom…

  • I feel this way and these are only some issues not stress from job itself and trying to be a wife… Just now seeing this a year later but its a message that came on time