Working Moms Don’t Allow Your Mental Load Result in Burnout

 

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Working Moms: Don’t Let Your Mental Load Lead to Burnout A national survey by Bright Horizons finds working moms are the best at managing teams, but stress and bias can lead to burnout. French cartoonist Emma brilliantly explains the mental load and its effect on working mothers in a new comic titled “You Should’ve Asked.” The comic starts out with a quick story of an overworked mom who had to cook while tending to her child at a dinner party. Eventually things get out of hand as the mom attempts to handle everything herself.

If two or more of the above symptoms sound familiar, you might be experiencing what I refer to as the working mom’s dilemma, which can lead directly to mommy burnout. The great thing is that moms don’t have to accept these feelings as normal. There are some easy-to-implement changes that can be done to cope with working mom stress.

The mental load is a term for the invisible labor involved in managing a household and family, which typically falls on women’s shoulders.Also sometimes referred to as “worry work” or “cognitive labor,” the mental load is about not the physical tasks but rather the overseeing of those tasks. It’s being the one in charge of having the never-ending list of to-do items constantly running in your. The mental load that working mothers must take on is a responsibility that no one else can understand. You are the one in charge of keeping track of doctor’s appointments, signing permission slips, bringing potluck dishes, remembering birthdays, writing cards, staying on top of of clothes and sizes, knowing what’s in the fridge and pantry.

Even more disheartening is the finding that while 69 percent of working moms say their household responsibilities create a mental load, a full 52 percent say they are burning out from the weight of. Time Demands With all the care and nurturing that children require, as well as the additional demands of extra people in the household, most mothers feel a shortness of time.Whether it’s a lack of sufficient time to get the laundry done, time to spend just playing with the kids, time to one’s self, or time for dozens of other important activities, many mothers find that there are simply. Often the most tiring aspect of this work is being the “Knower of All the Things.” So often the mom is the one who holds all of the behind-the-scenes knowledge about all of the many things involved in raising a kid. The one who plans, who notices, who anticipates, who researches, who worries. This is often referred to as “the mental load.”.

Feeling as though your work comes home with you and being unable to get your clients out of your mind. It is obvious that this kind of thinking can quickly lead to burnout. Set aside relaxation time.

Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and deep breathing activate the body’s relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of the stress response. Get plenty of sleep. Feeling tired can exacerbate burnout by causing you to think irrationally.

List of related literature:

But if your family is healthy (and your job is, too), you’ll find a routine and start to think, “Okay, it feels like chaos but I’m nailing this working parent gig—I can do this!

“Getting to 50/50: How Working Parents Can Have It All” by Sharon Meers, Joanna Strober
from Getting to 50/50: How Working Parents Can Have It All
by Sharon Meers, Joanna Strober
Viva Editions, 2013

For millions of other working mothers out there who are also devoted to their kids, there actually are aspects of work that are tons more gratifying than trying to get your kid to clean her room, going to the park yet again, or surviving temper tantrums.

“The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women” by Susan Douglas, Meredith Michaels
from The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women
by Susan Douglas, Meredith Michaels
Free Press, 2005

By doing joint projects where you and your child work together, your child can see your motivation and work habits.

“A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children” by James T. Webb, Janet L. Gore, Edward R. Amend
from A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children
by James T. Webb, Janet L. Gore, Edward R. Amend
Great Potential Press, 2007

Create a “job description” that will benefit the entire family and help avoid frustration down the road, and be open to modifying it if she discovers that, say, doing all the laundry and cooking in addition to her childcare duties is exhausting her.

“Dad's Guide To Pregnancy For Dummies” by Mathew Miller, Sharon Perkins
from Dad’s Guide To Pregnancy For Dummies
by Mathew Miller, Sharon Perkins
Wiley, 2014

On the positive side, it can impact her general satisfaction and morale by providing mental stimulation, building self­esteem, and offering a break from child care and home chores.

“Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective” by George W. Holden
from Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective
by George W. Holden
SAGE Publications, 2014

You may be surprised how much stress will be removed from your life when your partner transitions to full-time childcare and can take care of some of the chores and tasks that eat up your precious weekend, but don’t have unrealistic expectations.

“Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies” by Matthew M. F. Miller, Sharon Perkins
from Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies
by Matthew M. F. Miller, Sharon Perkins
Wiley, 2010

If the problem is burnout, you may be able to motivate her with some change of duties and responsibilities that would add variety and interest to her job.

“Supervision in the Hospitality Industry: Leading Human Resources” by John R. Walker, Jack E. Miller
from Supervision in the Hospitality Industry: Leading Human Resources
by John R. Walker, Jack E. Miller
Wiley, 2009

It can easily become a major stress when the mother adds outside employment to her schedule.

“Breastfeeding: A Guide for the Medical Profession” by Ruth A. Lawrence, MD, Robert M. Lawrence, MD
from Breastfeeding: A Guide for the Medical Profession
by Ruth A. Lawrence, MD, Robert M. Lawrence, MD
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2015

This is not to suggest that mothers should not work full time, but rather to point out the unrealistic expectations and unbalanced workloads our culture places on this one family role.

“Experience Sampling Method: Measuring the Quality of Everyday Life” by Joel M. Hektner, Jennifer A. Schmidt, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
from Experience Sampling Method: Measuring the Quality of Everyday Life
by Joel M. Hektner, Jennifer A. Schmidt, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
SAGE Publications, 2007

“It’s so important to find the source of the burnout—it could be work, family, mar— riage, or keeping a clean house,” says life—bal— ance coach Wendy Kaufman, M.A.

“The Doctors Book of Home Remedies: Quick Fixes, Clever Techniques, and Uncommon Cures to Get You Feeling Better Fast” by Editors of Prevention
from The Doctors Book of Home Remedies: Quick Fixes, Clever Techniques, and Uncommon Cures to Get You Feeling Better Fast
by Editors of Prevention
Rodale Books, 2010

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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  • Yeah but you take away a womens motherly role she will be miserable still. You meet women who are past 30 with no family unless she has a huge career she is miserable asf and all her family pressure her to get married.

  • There is a simple solution: have children but on your own. Or co parenting but no marriage. I did that and I am not a tired mum. I share custody with my coparent so it gives me plenty of free time (hence I still have a free life, part time). Same for my coparent. Children quite happy because they still have a mum and a dad and there is no conflict, divorce etc. Dont marry. Forget about this couple stuff, most of the time it exhausts women because they do > 50%, full time. Coparenting is the future. Just my humble opinion. Peace xx

  • Are these not the same independent, strong and beautiful women who don’t need a man? No wonder our society is full of mental illness

  • Guys, you do realize that most animals that are like us (pack-centered) raise children as a GROUP? Of course moms feel overwhelmed, THEY ARE. Humans are not made for raising children alone, that’s where the “needing a town to raise a child” saying comes from. You DO need a town.
    And with the society of individualism today, that need is ignored at best, and frowned upon at worst.

  • Having technology tell you how unhappy you are is the culprit! I’m so glad I raised my children in the 80’s and loved that I was able to be a stay-at-home mother. We didn’t need the latest gadgets to have fun, spent summers at the lake, exploring nature etc., growing our own vegetables, a lot of outdoor activities no matter the weather. In their 30’s now they tell me they had a great childhood and that’s all that matters to me! Women shouldn’t judge other women who decide to stay home and raise their children themselves and if you are a career woman and happy to have someone else raise them then do it. It was just not for me and I was able to fulfill my creative side too by being home so it was right for me. So happy my daughter-in-law has decided to stay home to raise my grandchildren too❣️ It’s just a very personal choice in my humble opinion.

  • I honestly am not going to have kids unless I have serious financial means to help support me in their upbringing. Money for night nannies, and nannies during the day so I can get some social time and rest. I need money for them to be in activities they enjoy, money to take them on trips so they could experience other cultures and be exposed to the diversity of the world early on. I would want help keeping the house clean and organized and tutors to help them get the educational support they would need. I recognize that I am not equipped to handle all of these facets of raising a well-cared for child on my own. I would not curse myself and another innocent being to a life of dissatisfaction and unnecessary stress. I love my parents, but they did not have enough resources to raise me in a healthy way, and I have suffered for it. I think it’s okay to say I just want to focus on taking care of myself now.

  • This is a great talk. I’m sure it helps a lot of moms out there!
    But there is something I have to mention. She said that moms report more often than dads/men that they feel their lives are unfulfilled. And draws the conclusion that that is because women need close human relations more than men. But we are not sure that that’s the case. A lot of men find it more difficult to express their feelings, especially if they perceive those feelings as “weakness”. There have been studies in which it became clear that men are more often alone and lonely than women. The reasons for that being: 1. They never really learned how to “make and keep friends”. 2. When men are in a relationship with a woman, he “lives through her” because she is often the one that maintains contact with friends and family.
    So a lot of men DO feel lonely and depressed because of the lack of friends etc, but they are less likely to admit it (to themselves) because they fear to be perceived as “weak”. Admitting that you feel your life is unfulfilled can also be perceived as a “sign of weakness”. And because of this men are less likely to seek help and the risk on suicide increases. Unfortunately I don’t remember the name of this study, but still I had to mention this. Men are often “forgotten” when it comes to these subjects.

  • Growing up comes with responsibility. So does raising kids that depend on your life experience to survive childhood in which you as individual choose to have. Like that’s life in modern society.. Of course you’re going to be unhappy only caring about other people’s needs so they themselves can thrive better than you later on in life while everyone else seems to be dashing to the invisible finish line. You reassure your genetic survival by having your offspring and ensuring their survival and prosperity comes before yours. Passing of the torch. In this day an age I noticed more men are willing to take more responsibility in the child care area, however both parties are still at odds due to conflicting ways of raising said child. Which in turn causes favoritism issues with the child and resentment in the least favored parent.

  • I feel the pressure of having kids. I value marriage and traveling. Me time. I love my sleep. I have several autoimmune disorders activated by stress. Sometimes I feel like I should but I don’t think I could handle it. Motherhood isn’t for everyone. ����

  • I am single, no kids, but I’ve seen my friends get married, have a child then two then three, disappeared one by one ; I did try to reach out to them, but for me it’s hard since they only had one topic: their child (starting with burpees and now it’s school thing) which I have no interest in whatsoever, so yeah, I stopped reaching out…

  • At least they admit its whinecore music,
    “DUUU YOU HAVE THE TIME, TO LISTENNope.
    Always hated whinny cunt music like this. I feel really bad if this is the only music from the 90’s you know of or listen to, You really missed out:/

  • I do have trouble understanding why nobody expects that they’re going to give their life up when they have kids. Very obviously that’s what most people do so why is it such a surprise? I have never met or seen a parent who didn’t look overweight and exhausted and miserable all the time even when they claim to be happy. (And it’s lie not lay.)

  • This is so true. Thank you for this. I feel like it’s the truth that no one’s been able to pin down until now. I’m gonna go call my best friend…

  • I had friends once… but now they all have kids and families ����. Time is ticking away, you cannot depend on friends to fill your life forever. When we all are old, gray, bed bound and lacking capacity only then will we experience true loneliness. This will be magnified if you don’t have children, I only hope the people that have and don’t have children in our old age will take pity on our souls

  • The problem that has no name is code for the problem that never existed. Living in isolation, in a sterile suburb, cut off from family and friends, isn’t natural. Feminism hasn’t resolved the problem that has no name, it has merely doubled up on the demands made on both partners. If you think that men lead ideal lives of self realization and freedom, then you really haven’t grasped the reality. Men suffer as much or more than women, but they don’t make nearly as much noise about it.

  • As a career mom, i need to work hard, i need to stay up in my field of expertise and i need to take care of my little one. My husband need to be partner in my life and not another worry or load. I knew i can’t have it all but i can have “my all”. I do conscious choice in life. I cater, i hire a house keeper, I go on vacation with my parent in law as they organize everything, i split home responsibility with my husband. My personal time, i spend it with my family. I did a lot of mistakes but when you have measure the risk and learn from your error.s…there are less regrets. And this is my goal. At my gold age, i want to be able to look back in my life and have no regrets.

  • I’m a new mother and I’m losing friends and only talk to my spouse… Barely talk to my other family members…I’m a working mom (UberEats), but I can bring him with me

  • Camille Paglia noted that her mother grew up in a “community of women”, where the women supported each other, in a format that goes back a few thousand years. Camille noted that women don’t have that nowand it is very, very traumatic, to women.

  • Are we going to have virtual tours now with corona virus… I wonder because that would be super lame
    If you ( like this style of music ) I have a original rock music project on my youtube channel of a ( similar style ) called ( Distorted Colors ) as Green Day are definitely one of my influences keep on rocking

  • Watching during COVID 19 quarantine ���� working full time from home with kids here and attempting to homeschool, “failures and frauds” um, yeeeaaah

  • Oh shut up stay at home mom you have a job and a husband you dont have wny issues except being spoiled all your life the real mothers having issues are single mothers without a job and no friends or family

  • The problem is the totally lopsided expectations of what a Woman has to do vs a Man in regards to child rearing and housework. Add a career to it and it’s total burnout. Seriously, who has time for friends? Not the Mom…

  • I feel this way and these are only some issues not stress from job itself and trying to be a wife… Just now seeing this a year later but its a message that came on time

  • My parents seperated about a year ago and I now live with my mum. She seems to be having this problem and I was wondering how I, as a 13 year old, can help her.

  • Suggestion to all Western woman: you would be a lot happier if you imagined yourself as a woman born in a third world country, particularly a Muslim country. You would have no choices, at all. Motherhood is over-rated and romanticized and women are their own worst enemies. No one forced you to reproduce be accountable. Be your own person, cultivate an intellectual interest and stop whining. Most women I know have what I call a comparative identity problem. I am thankful that I don’t and grateful that I chose to be child free.

  • I am one of them… Stay at home mom, doing house chores.. feel lonely and worthless day by day.. no husband support.. he never ask me.. am I happy or not..

  • I think the problem is what the word “mother” means. Female parents don’t get to just be parents they have to be “mothers.” Society glorifies a sick kind of sacrifice from female parents. They’re supposed to surrender their entire identity to their parenthood. Men, however, are not forced into doing that they get to simply be parents. The solution is to change how we talk about male vs. female parents. Male parents are not incompetent, yet they’re often portrayed as such. Because of their perceived incompetence, women are expected to do just about everything when it comes to child-rearing. Even when men are not considered incompetent, people will still say things like “ask your husband for help” or “tell your husband what he needs to do.” As if men cannot, on their own, see what needs to be done and take it upon themselves to do it. Spoiler alert: women are no more nurturing than men are, and no more capable are child-rearing than men are. Let’s stop glorifying female parenthood as it is defined today. It’s not “awesome” or “amazing” to be a “super-mom” who forgets herself and has her entire world revolve around her child(ren). Those children will one day grow up and leave the house, and then where will she be?

  • I feel this. I don’t even have kids and I feel the pressure already. I am just about to be 29 and I have PCOS. I may not be able to have kids and the longer I wait, the less chance I have. But I also just graduated from college a year ago and only have a year of my career under my belt. If my age didn’t matter, I’d wait another 5 years so I can be confident I can get a job again when my kids go to school. My fiance wants to start right away—he graduated 6 years ago.

  • This happened to me: I started experiencing tingling and shortness of breath. I had a long day at work and the day was not close to being over. Still had to pick up my child from care, go home, cook, clean, get ready for bed and for the next day.
    My symptoms made me decide to drive myself to the ER, I had to wait 5 hours before having an MRI then being told it was just stress and anxiety.
    However while I was alone in the room, being checked on, watching TV, I felt calm. Like I could breath. I wondered if instead of going to the ER for a very expensive room time, I could ever just call out on my day’s responsibilities and just go to the beach or park. But this would not be understood or tolerated.

  • I notice that a lot of mothers look haggard and just completely worn out. I don’t know why anybody would see this and say, “Yep! This is something I definitely want to do! ” I could never… but I do have a lot of respect for them and what they are going through. It is awfully sad and I pray that they get all the help they need.

  • Be kind to yourself. Was like you before my muscular dystrophy knocked me down in my 20s. Now my house is a disaster, I used to shower daily or twice a day and now if I shower weekly I am doing well. Drives my mother nuts and she would clean it for me or she tells me to hire someone if I can’t do it. Getting sick will teach you what is important. Kids wearing clothes for the second day or not bathing daily or even every second day will not kill anyone. If your house is slightly dirty every once in a while who cares. You have two kids and two working parents so spend more time with your kid or spouse and have a slightly more dirty house. Hopefully you get to the point financially where you can hire someone to do the basic clean every couple of weeks as a treat to yourself. On the really tough days I think of other patients that don’t have access to healthcare and don’t have enough medical knowledge to direct their.care and remind myself I am still lucky. When life gets you down think of one of the nice patients that is young but still isn’t going to make it, it puts the little things in perspective pretty quickly and piles of laundry and dirty dishes don’t matter as much��

  • Most women enjoy being in a bad mood.
    Most women love to complain, and be miserable because that’s where her little drama lies; that is where her little drama is.

  • Alyssa, your videos are awesome and don’t worry about the length! Of course I love longer videos if possible but don’t worry about it! Family is always first!!

  • I feel so lonely a lot of the time. But when I’m alone, just me, It feels Amazing. I thought that made me a bad mother. I get so overwhelmed that I feel I don’t deserve a break. I even thought if I asked for my babies father to watch our baby or if I wanted to find a baby sitter just for a break that, for some reason, my babies daddy would get angry or judge me somehow. I was wrong, it’s ok to ask for help and it’s ok to need help. Everyone needs a best friend. It helps so much. Mothers don’t need to be afraid of help or taking breaks. Anyone who is a parent will not judge you and if they do there’s something wrong with them.

  • Finally single mothers realise the damage they do to themselves and men. Hope women wake up and change. Thatll be a positive time for all ��❤

  • Polygyny(one man, multiple wives) comes to mind.
    In my culture, women don’t have these issues because of Polygyny. The women work together to cook, clean, and build wealth through income. I guess American women are too strong and independent…yet depressed and miserable with no help from other wives.

  • I’m a Full-time mom plus full-time worker. I’m not married but in a committed relationship but we don’t live together so I get zero time for myself ever. There’s nobody that I can say is my true friend, the ones I’ve had turned on me or are drug addicted. Even my family doesn’t talk to me (and I have 3 sisters and 3 brothers40 cousins 20 aunts and uncles!) I do feel isolated, alone & like nobody really understands me or even cares to know what I’m going through. At work everybody treats me different because I don’t go out drinking with them or hang out with them. It’s almost like I feel like I have disease or deformation because of the way people treat me. I’ve been depressed for a year and have to fight it to get up each day. I wish things were not like this. I don’t know how I can change things. “God help me” is my prayer everyday through the day.

  • We moms are doing too much.
    But that is not the problem;
    The problem is that we are doing too much of the things that are not important for our well being & happiness.We need to remember that “we cannot give from an empty cup”

  • So incredibly telling. So what is the answer. I am on my way to finding it. My feeling is that a sense of self is the most important aspect for all women. Self first. Self first. Self first.

  • I guess that’s the reason why I don’t feel to want children in my life. I just isn’t my life I don’t see myself in this. It’s a huge problem of our civilization and modern life. It’s causes problems having kids and living your own life. We moved forward.

  • Hi, Im a married mom of 4 and struggling with this (@times). At this moment, I’m between social life and disconnecting from social life. Facebook takes too much time. The reason is because I get caught up and lose track of time. I enjoy interacting with people. Matter of fact, I’m preparing to hang up the [email protected] profession for the nursing profession. We don’t go on vacations, we are stuck at home a lot, and it has drove me crazy, plus I had homeschooled all 4 kids. (2 are in public school and the last 2 are preparing for this next school year in public school)
    I had a friend, a very talkative friend, that was very judgmental. Not just your simple judgment but anyone that had tattoos all over their bodies, piercings, racial marriages, eating powdered doughnuts, what they wore, ect…..you get the picture. Dont get me wrong, she was right about a lot of things concerning her judgments, however, why allow it to consume you to the point of making others miserable? As for me, I believe it’s your life, live it the way you want bc I was given the choice too, and I do. Your no different. (Now if you did drugs, murder people, try to steal, non-moral things, I Pass.) Use good judgment.
    At 32 now, I just seem to want to focus more on my immediate family, finances and retirement. I do have friends, but I’m currently not close, close, close, to them.
    What got me into being friends with that person was the desire to have a ‘sister friend’. I do miss her. A lot at times. When I weigh out the consequences of being her friend, I shy away. I just can’t. It’s too exhausting.
    As far as my marriage goes, we both have made changes to better our bond. We have been working together on our goals. Have there been issues in our marriage? Oh, sure. Yes. Our way of thinking is what are we going to do to get through this? How are we going to team up to change this?
    He helps out with our kids. Actually, since my profession is changing courses, and fast, he has acknowledged what he must do to be ready for when I’m working crazy hours. He helps with the 2 eldest kids get off to school in the mornings.
    You know, I can sit here and word vomit. Know why? Bc I dont have a sister friend to spill it too. Lol! Im finding happiness in my own personal way. With or without a sister(s) friend(s). Apparently, this lesson in my current life, needed to be learned and perfected. Love yourself so you can love others and be happy.
    Yet, having some one to latte with helps.
    Having the money to latte with, helps too. Hahaha!!!!
    Happy Trails!

  • Thank you so much for this video, it was a perfect timing since i have been dealing with this thinking i was crazy. It definitely is partly my fault since i expect people to read my mind and help me, when in reality, i should just ask for help from time to time and stop trying to control everything.
    Lots of love<3

  • Oh my I’m feeling the same ������
    And for me was more worse worse
    I had my 2 baby’s and no family here any help at all my husband was working all the time so depressing so alone,this year is better my little start school,I’m breathing a little I want just to sit a little alone but no, I have to go to work we are very tied,
    Like she said I was soooo happy to at the hospital I had help there people,when I went home ohhh so sad

  • When she talks about the bliss of chilling out and watching tv and not having to do dishes or laundry I thought man… that’s what my life is like basically every day as a child free by choice individual ��

  • I appreciate you, girl!!!!! And I’m right there with you with spending more quality time with your kiddos. I also have a legitimate question, why is it necessary to edit the videos? Is there a way to edit less? I know nothing about this topic, so sorry if my question sounds silly. I wouldn’t mind a raw unedited video for the sake of family time ��

  • No wonder I’m always craving attention from my siblings and mom. I don’t have friends I regularly hang out with. I’m going to try and connect with a few I know and try to come out of this 8 year slump.

  • I’m a SAHM with 3 young kids and no friends. I have little time to use my own talents or pursue my own ambitions. Being a SAHM is the right choice for our family but I’m sooooooo lonely. So lonely.

  • As humans we need to live a life that is fulfilling to our truest nature. Perfection is a mother’s worst friend. I may disagree that friends are the key to dealing with loneliness. Love yourself, first. You have all the answers inside, we are just too busy to take notice.

  • I relate to this. It’s only always been me and me only. My family don’t look me unconditionally. I only have my daughter and I need to do everything for her because she’s little.

  • I, and many of my friends are the primary money makers, do more than their share of what were traditionally female chores around the house, spend a ton of time with our kids and still do all the chores that were and still are traditionally male chores. Our wives still spend a ton of time online and not enough time connecting with their friends. Blaming all unhappiness on men is intellectually lazy and will ensure that those who do it will never find their answer.

  • Yes, the modern suburbs are a large part of the problem. Find the talk on youtube or bitchute by Dr. E. Michael Jones about the fascinating origins of our modern problem with suburban living. It is entitled “Why are we here because we’re not there.”

  • “Motherhood” shouldn’t inherently carry more responsibility than “fatherhood”. Therein lies the problem. Wives/moms pick up the majority of the housework, shuttling of kids, teaching/interaction with kids, late night emergencies & all the rest. Dads are there for the Kodak moments. In many cases, husbands create as much work for their wives as another child! It’s on women to put their foot down & not accept this imbalance. Don’t breed with lazy bums who think they’re “above” parenting/housework.

  • Take a trip to a developing country every year. And learn from those mommies who don’t have alote but seem to be happy. I drive to El Salvador and Mexico every year with the family. You lose weight you get your power as a human back.

  • Why men don’t have problems like this? ��Hmm they don’t need friends, chatting etc. and finally they don’t care too much about home, cleaning, ironing, cooking etc. Women do definitely too much.

  • I am a stay-at-home mom with 5 kids and 0 friends… And sometimes I just want to run away, but I don’t have nowhere to run to..��

  • I almost dont even want friends bc im so tired tht when i have a moment i want to be alone. Or bc i dont want to load all of my kids up especially my toddler boy is so over active and hardly listens.

  • Being a parent sucks. Plain and simple. More people should really try to go out into nature and ground themselves in who they are so they can accept it and be at peace with it. Kids do NOT fulfill you. They certainly fill your life with a whole host of emotions and duties you don’t want and give little back in the way of reward. People don’t like to hear this truth, but being a Mom is like becoming a robot. Your whole body gets wrecked, your sense of self gets ripped away and every day is a GRIND. Women need to think a lot more about this “I want everything” mentality. You can’t have it all and still maintain a happy inside. Careers, babies, husbands, YOU. It’s too much on one person.

  • Love this Sheryl. I have a group of friends we all have kids under 5. None of us talk or see eachother regularly. When I was in real need a few months ago, I didn;t call them as I didn’ tthink they would have the time. Yet at one stage, we would have called eachother during the middle of the night to connect and have a chat about a boy or complain about our parents. Fast forward to our 30s and we have lost our connection despite the title of Best Friend. It is so sad.

  • I think sometimes we get into relationships then immediately start isolating ourselves from friends. Relationships & Marriages are nice but Friendships need nourishment as well. Just think when all else fails in your relationship/marriage who can you rely on. Thank you for your talk!!

  • Amazing video!! I’m not a mom, but a college student who still struggles with this so much already. I’m going to try these tips!!❤️

  • You are describing exactly what motherhood has always been. Your wants and needs take a back seat to that of the child you bored….surprise! Don’t have children if that makes you sad, depressed and feeling un-fulfilled.

  • Ysis, these days exist a lot of apps to help dealing with mental load. One of the best in my opinion is Todoist. Check this out. I’m sure you’ll like it.

  • I am not a mother, but I do this when I’m at work and just in general. I feel like I can do everything better than most people, so I take everything on. Plus a lot of things get dumped on me at work. This was helpful. Thanks so much.

  • I used to listen to this back in 2000 when I first started to remember at all…lil 6 year old jamming this from a CD player from my parents….and the older I get the more I feel and understand this song. Fuck thank you greenday ✊

  • I’m tired of being a mother and I want to go back to work. Finding a friend is hard because I don’t want my business all over town

  • todos vamos por el psiquiátrico llamado ciudad, algunos traumados por sus deberes, otros por sus realidades insatisfechas, y la mayoria caminando drogados sin saberlo o concientes… pero muestra que, en el fondo…
    todos estamos locos…

  • Let me see the look on your face at the moment your hope burns out… and your life reaches its end! Show me your despair as you fall!

  • If you are relating to this you are not alone….. I guess I’m in the wrong place. I came because I’m so lonely, and I don’t have FB!

  • I remember when I was 4 my brother use to play a VHS tape that had a MTV music videos on it that my mom recorded on this was on it and I use to watch it app the time damn time fly’s by

  • I just need to say this video literally made me cry. I felt like your soul sister in this video. I truly felt like someone understood what I am going through which is something I don’t feel often in my “real” life.
    From the messy house, to the anxiety, to the mom guilt I understand.

    Thank you for your real ness. Do your thing, don’t feel guilty. We do APPRECIATE you and thank you for making me feel not so alone ����‍♀️

  • This is a large reason why I chose to not have children. Mothers seem miserable and I don’t want my life to be like that. I’ve sacrificed so much in my life that adding more misery wasn’t an option. Thanks for the eye opening talk!!

  • This video really helped me. I’m currently in my most difficult semester of nursing school and I also shut down when I get overwhelmed and this made me feel less alone. So thank you so much for posting it.

  • I’m trying to spend less time on my phone as well so I found that it helped to set it so that I can’t use my phone between a certain time and it’s really helped me not stay up until some stupid time looking at my phone

  • Alyssa you’ve got such a big beautiful heart ❤️ you’re really doing your best with everything; work,family, YouTube, house/home and everything in between and we can see that..it hurts me that people have said unkind things to you about managing your time or how you should be living your own life, what I can see.. is that you’re doing a mighty fine job of managing your time not only for yourself but for your family too we could each take everything with grain of salt sometimes.I just wanted to say that your doing amazing. we are all still learning what works and what doesn’t and from having to completely change your work/life routine from nights/days and having a family your growing and thriving everyday and that’s everything we can hope for, I wish all the best with everything Alyssa I love your videos you are so open, empathetic, honest and passionate sending you lots of love and light to you and yours xxx

  • Thank you, I needed to hear this. I Feel like I never have enough time for anything, but I just need to learn how to manage my time better. And that everything doesn’t need to be done in one night.

  • Great video. Thanks for sharing. I am recovering from burnout:( And a real bad burnout I could not even take care of my kids anymore.
    I love the time block system of Jordan page. You are doing great, supermom!

  • Further proof we are soul mate friends. I literally just started this block schedule thing for YouTube because I was feeling all of those things. And messiness completely paralyzes me. You are doing an amazing job! I cant I imagine eking the full time work thing with all of this

  • Hi Alyssa I’m in Australia and my daughter and myself love your videos. You are an amazing mum and wife we love them regardless of length you are only human love you guys

  • Literally whenever I get the notification that you have a video I have to watch it within 2 minutes, love them! They truly are raw and real and that’s hard to have in this time I feel with society. This was a great video, and I imagine helped so much, like myself. Thank you for sharing! <3

  • Love your videos no matter how long they are! Found your channel when I was looking for a way to keep my house tidier, and I have been hooked since! Spend time with your girls and do what you enjoy:)

  • As a nursing student and a mom to a 5-year-old, I completely feel you on this. People will always be negative towards whatever you do. Thank you for this video! We appreciate you, but remember, your mental health is way more important than anything. Shout out to you sissy, so much love.

  • Moms are miserable because being a parent is really hard, thankless, constant work and most people regret it! (Although few would admit to it.) I am happy to say I chose the child-free life. Winning!

  • Throw in social anxiety to the mix and it is nearly impossible to form close connections in our crazy busy lifestyles. It’s isolating and discouraging to know you are a big part of your own problem.

  • Idk how you are able to keep YouTube on your priority list but I’m so glad you do. I don’t comment often but I’ve been around forever now, since you found out you were pregnant with Winnie. It always makes my evening better when you post and I love to keep up with how you’re doing and how the girls are. Those girls are precious. Thank you for sharing your family with us, Alyssa. I feel like I’ve known y’all forever. ❤

  • Fair play to you for calling out the truth! Life is hard and balancing it all is tough so as you would say u do u! We will be here still!

  • I’m glad that you mentioned all of the background info that goes into all of the content that you provide for us. Although I’ve had that thought sometimes when a Youtuber I follow posts a “short” video after being gone for a bit, I’ve never once thought about all the time dedicated behind the scenes in addition to working full time as an RN and a mother. Thank you for the time you take and it is appreciated! Sometimes you have to be a little selfish and that is okay. You always recognize what’s best for you and your family and strive towards that. Much respect to you!

  • Take your time doing videos. Don’t worry about us, we will be here. You need to be there for you family and enjoy them. Kids grow up so fast, you miss things. I would leave dishes or clothes not done so I could spend time with my son. It was well worth it. As for the people saying your video wasn’t long enough, forget them they are being selfish.