What’s Your Sexual Self-Esteem


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Video taken from the channel: Dr. Todd Grande


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Sexual Self Understanding the Self

Video taken from the channel: Renz Louis Montano


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Video taken from the channel: TheIntimacyDojo


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Self Esteem and Body Image | That’s What He Said

Video taken from the channel: SoulPancake

The answer is important because how you feel about yourself—your self-esteem—plays a major role in your ability to maintain close relationships and enjoy a full sexual relationship. Simply put, self-esteem is the ability to view yourself as being able to cope with the basic challenges of life and the belief that you deserve to be happy. When I talk about sexual self-esteem, I’m referring to the feelings you have about your body, and your confidence level in how you relate intimately to someone else.

It’s what you bring of yourself, both emotionally and physically, to sex and relationships what you do with that and how you share that with someone else. More often, low sexual self-esteem simply robs men and women of the full sexual and sensual life they deserve. How can you boost your sexual self-esteem? Robboy’s recommendations include developing an appreciation of your body for the pleasure it brings you and your partner instead of focusing on how it looks. Your sexual meaning.

Sexual narrative aside, the meaning that we apply to sex can also impact self-esteem. For some people, it’s merely a physical act with no emotion attached, while for others it’s a means of connection, of validation, or even of asserting power. But if you and your partner(s) have completely different meanings attached to. Sexual Self Esteem: Self-esteem can be defined as a person’s overall evaluation of their self-worth. It includes how they feel about their self beliefs, emotions, as well as how it manifests itself in behaviors.

Self-esteem is identified as being vital. Generally speaking, sex is beneficial for one’s self-esteem when it’s consciously done to affirm one’s values and needs: intimacy, desirability, connection, and even pleasure. Sex.

Sexual self-concept refers to the totality of oneself as a sexual being, including positive and negative concepts and feelings. According to theorists, sexual self-concept is described well along. Self-esteem is a huge issue for teenagers.

For some people, low self-esteem could easily turn into a really bad cycle of mistreatment and abuse — and a situation that’s hard to get out of. Abby (not her real name), is a 16-year-old Lilburn, Georgia, native who grew up with low self-esteem and ended up in a relationship with a guy who used her emotionally and psychologically. Generally speaking, sex is beneficial for one’s self-esteem when it’s consciously done to affirm one’s values and needs: intimacy, desirability, connection, and even pleasure. Sex becomes harmful when it is unconsciously pursued for reasons that contradict one’s values or needs. Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every facet of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health.

But you can boost your self-esteem by taking cues from types of mental health counseling. Consider these steps, based on cognitive behavioral therapy.

List of related literature:

I’m confident of my sexual attraction and

“Why Smart People Do Dumb Things: Lessons from the New Science of Behavioral Economics” by Mortimer Feinberg, John J. Tarrant
from Why Smart People Do Dumb Things: Lessons from the New Science of Behavioral Economics
by Mortimer Feinberg, John J. Tarrant
Touchstone, 1995

I don’t feel I’m unattractive, and I’ve had chances before to do it, but I’m constantly afraid that I would be criticized for my size, or bust in no longer than 60 seconds.

“Stoned, Naked, and Looking in My Neighbor's Window: The Best Confessions from Grouphug.us” by Gabriel Jeffrey
from Stoned, Naked, and Looking in My Neighbor’s Window: The Best Confessions from Grouphug.us
by Gabriel Jeffrey
Justin, Charles Publishers, 2004

Feeling any insecurity that I’m not as skinny as them is as ridiculous as my husband feeling insecure about not being as large as my vibrator” (Chris77).

“Fat Sex: New Directions in Theory and Activism” by Helen Hester, Caroline Walters
from Fat Sex: New Directions in Theory and Activism
by Helen Hester, Caroline Walters
Taylor & Francis, 2016

I am attractive, and I’ve had more than enough opportunities to have sex.

“Reality Transurfing 4: Ruling Reality” by Vadim Zeland
from Reality Transurfing 4: Ruling Reality
by Vadim Zeland
O Books, 2011

A. High B. Medium C. Low D. I do not feel insecure

“Digital Privacy: Theory, Technologies, and Practices” by Alessandro Acquisti, Stefanos Gritzalis, Costos Lambrinoudakis, Sabrina di Vimercati
from Digital Privacy: Theory, Technologies, and Practices
by Alessandro Acquisti, Stefanos Gritzalis, et. al.
CRC Press, 2007

I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often feel partners want to be more intimate than I am comfortable with.

“Psychology: Second European Edition” by Daniel Schacter, Daniel Gilbert, Daniel Wegner, Bruce Hood
from Psychology: Second European Edition
by Daniel Schacter, Daniel Gilbert, et. al.
Palgrave Macmillan, 2015

I am nervous when someone gets too close, and often love partners want me to be more intimate than I am comfortable being.

“Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment” by Martin E. P. Seligman
from Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment
by Martin E. P. Seligman
Free Press, 2002

My thoughts about my body and physical appearance 0 1 2 3 are negative and self-critical.

“Physical Fitness and Wellness: Changing the Way You Look, Feel, and Perform” by Jerrold S. Greenberg, George B. Dintiman, Barbee Myers Oakes
from Physical Fitness and Wellness: Changing the Way You Look, Feel, and Perform
by Jerrold S. Greenberg, George B. Dintiman, Barbee Myers Oakes
Human Kinetics, 2004

Myself-esteem is so low that it’s practically nonexistent.

“Female Sexual Abuse of Children” by Michele Elliott
from Female Sexual Abuse of Children
by Michele Elliott
Guilford Publications, 1994

Sex numbs the pain of my insecurity.”

“Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook: Providing Biblical Hope and Practical Help for 50 Everyday Problems” by June Hunt
from Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook: Providing Biblical Hope and Practical Help for 50 Everyday Problems
by June Hunt
Harvest House Publishers, 2008

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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  • I think each and every one of these men are attractive (including the host), not just for their looks, but for the kind and sensitive people they seem to be. I have always gravitated more towards men with a gentle side, who are not afraid to express their emotions; to me, that is far more attractive than the shape or size of their body.

  • I feel soo bad hearing one of the guys stories of how he felt like he didn’t make his partner feel safe. I have this friend that I was trying to convince to start doing other things to get bigger, saying that when he has a girlfriend she will be able to feel safe. I hope I didn’t create an insecurity in his mind����

  • Gee…I wish it could’ve been “subtle” with me.

    Jemanden im Keller einzusperren ist nicht subtil. In meiner Meinung
    Er (mein Vater) gesperrt mich im Keller.

  • Thank you so much for this information. I need this at this time in my life. I’m saving this to my Playlist for encouragement when I need it.

  • I am a woman with curves I do not find male Gym bodies attractive I like a natural male

    Please do not pump your body up full of steroids & proteins it’s Not Necessary Not Healthy ��

  • Thanks Dr. Grande. It’s hard to believe that my god-like parent was narcissistic, but that’s the only way I can understand the discrepancy between what other people seem to think of me and how I feel about myself. I appreciate your scientific focus.

  • I know I may be off the topic, but
    Men you may be missing out on the real benefit of a good body, a good is very important, if you can’t that one things, but what you may be dealing with is the fact that it’s not just a good body, but also having manly skill, being able to talk fun things to woman. many are excuse minded when it comes to working out, but life is working out. YOU CAN NOT GET ANYTHING WITH OUT WORKING OUT, BUILDING. HEALTH, SPIRITIAL HEALTH, WOMAN LARGE INCOME, MUSCLES HAPPY FAMILY, LAUGHER, STEVE HARVEY WORKED YEARS TO BUILD HIS JOKES. But the good knows for some men is the if you start training and work for the next 1 you could have a great body, and all you haver to do keep it up once of twice a week. I want you men to be happy but happiness is not having it all together but having things in your life that out ways the bad time. men woman are doing all they can to be great happy and or successful. Because happy woman do not want to go backward and so the woman movement to going froward to the out there it time for men to support each other; heal your hurts, but in public man do not do the bold manly support.
    and not crying about if in public but in private to build men that has what my friend J.d. calls that sweet swelling aroma that woman love. and that’s manliness. we are not meant to fit in, but to stand out.( key never be a push over) (but never be a heartless thug)
    definition of: Manly (Confidence, strong, knowledgeable, be funny, understanding, financial strong. able to be caring, sharing, and able to be firm when needed. you don’t need to be superstrong in all this areas, but to attract good you be working on it. As you can see life and being who you were to be without stressing out able it, can be something to achieve.

    I have other views for woman but you can find them on my website (www.videosales.webs.com)

  • These guys are common guys out there, tall, short, skinny, not so skinny… Female body positivity vids never feature short, skinny, very very tall, or women with small boobs etc. It’s all about fat women.

  • Would you ever consider talking about comorbid ADH D and cluster b especially narcissistic and histrionic? It seems add/adhd behaviors especially communication style can be confused with a narcissistic personality, but I find may also be used to excuse and hide underlying narcissism, where other traits like extreme attention seeking and refusal to accept boundaries and disregard of others are also present. Love your stuff, Doc.

  • So glad to have found this channel when I did. Currently making plans to leave my narcissistic parents and cut them out of my life entirely, and I’ve already noticed both my physical and mental health improve after beginning the process of distancing myself from them.
    Of course, the better and more confident I seem to be getting, the more angry they are at the smallest opportunities available, but I look forward to never worrying about that ever again.

  • Man, that guy who said, “Sometimes I feel so great, and sometimes I don’t want to get out of the house!” really made my day. Sometimes I’ll look in the mirror and think, “Damn, you’re pretty.” but then I’ll take off my shirt and bra and think, “Oh ew don’t ever show that to anyone.”

  • Men are lucky though. Women are less likely to concern themselves with physical appearance AFTER she has gotten to know him. A man will always hate a women who was not pretty enough, even if they become close enough for a friendship. Men are more superficial in general so they should not worry about their looks. Just make sure you have time to get to know the female and she will have a greater chance to overlook physical appearance. Men will never overlook physical appearance.:(

  • Hmmmm…I’m feeling these body image issues myself now that I am a man in my 30s. I’ve always been rather skinny, but that was never a problem (except when I was a teen and my mom thought I should put on more weight). But now that some of my long-time friends are turning a little pudgy/obese, it’s become an even bigger pride point, this skinniness of mine. As a result I pay attention to my diet a lot more now, and compliments about my thinness affect me more. A friend told me that I look “much more skinnier” than the last time he saw me and I was so unusually proud of myself. Though I knew that was partly because I had clothing then that was much tighter than what I usually wear. So…yeah…these body image issues are real.

  • Im taller, and very much underweight, and 15 years old. Ive been told that I look like a string bean, alien, noodle, and I jist, its gotten to me. When a kid lifted up my shirt in the middle of lunch and said to some girl “look how skinny this kid is” God I just hated myself. This video really helped.

  • I’ve often wondered how deep this rabbit hole can go with the narcissist and the victim and if it’s black and white, or if there’s a volunteer/cooperation element to it. What I mean is that sometimes there’s a dynamic that develops that appears like narcissist/victim, but in the timeline, there’s a lot of things entangled on both sides. Or the supposed “victim” is disordered themselves. I think this is why, for the most part, all of us adult humans (and some children) should participate in consistent cognitive therapy with a trained therapist. That way, this rabbit hole can be avoided. In life, the ultimate result is you get what you tolerate. I have thought on that quite a bit, and throughout my own self-discovery and learning, it applies. Once you are aware of toxicity in your life (some of us took longer, because the toxicity was from parents who suffer from NPD/BPD and it affected us unknowingly for a good part of our adulthood as well) it’s good to work on what it is you will tolerate and what it is you will not, especially in reference to how you speak to yourself and treat yourself. Others will follow the pattern you dictate, beginning with yourself.

  • Excellent video. Thank you for this. Could you possibly do a full video concerning statistical or anecdotal instances of how and why narcissists abuse the way they do? The fissure exploitation analogy answered questions I’ve had for years and questions I didn’t know I had. This helped, immensely.

  • Your antipenultimate or so sentence mentioned that narcisissts hate when their victims go get counseling. I have a sister. I have a brother in law For years, things were fine. My sister told me she was depressed (maybe is but it was a few years ago now) and over time I see no action. I see stuff for him, and a dog, and a truck, but no counseling for my sister. I made an error and said something to their kids about my sister’s past and then foolishly bought my oldest niece the rubbers she asked me to and Long Story Shortmy BIL used it as a way to make sure do the whole-9 and now I’m persona non-grata AND tribal crap with that family they all hate me and my sister gives me money with notes (twice now) that say, “I just want you to be happy!”. GROSS!!! Anyway, because I was pushing for counseling for her. We have a terrible family history and I was looking out for my baby sister. For my speaking up, I got.. Well, put it this way, I put them on No Contact and just laugh and say, NO! I’m sorry to be on the outs with my sibling that did not disown us (I have a younger brother who dealt with it all by changing his first and last name and moving out of state and severing contact with the whole family at large (and I think he turned out to be a narcisisst.. ) Anyway! Sorry to lose the sister and the nieces (for however long) but I’m also kind of borderline so of course, having make this decision and finally stopped kissing everyone’s ass and begging so many times for forgiveness or to talk or ANYTHING and just been ignored by 4 people for 2 years, well, PFFT I feel great now!.. And one of my parents and his wife are recently uncovered narcisisstsI forgave my dad once upon a time for all the crap, but his worm finally turned a few months ago and sayonara sailor to 20 years of car talk and bygones being bygones. I’m happy,, but I’m also really angry haha!
    Thanks, Dr. Grande!

  • All of this stuff they talk about is getting so out of hand for me that I feel like I’d be happier staying at an asylum of some kind just to get away from all of this.

  • just watched both, that’s what she said and thats what he said. I noticed that while they are both addressing these really important identity, gender and societal issues, they are also feeding into it. For example, in Thats What He Said, the men all gather in what looks to be a storage unit and close the door before they start talking. while in Thats What She Said, the women gather to talk in the kitchen or dinning room area. see where i am going with this?

  • Im so grateful to find this thoroughly informative and easily accessible/ understandable information.
    I’ve finally realized, after listening to this, that my father was the narcissist that contributed to my self loathing, hard core i.v. drug addiction, and deep sense of shame and depression.
    I never felt comfortable blaming him but I’ve been a kind and generous person most of my life and still i hated myself, had zero confidence, and engaged in horribly self destructive lifestyle.. too bad it took 60 years to get it… a lot of life wasted:/
    Thankfully people like you, good doctor, are available to people like me but who are much younger and able to access some healing via the wondrous internet before they lose so many years to mental illness.. I suspect that this might enable some people to heal themselves or at least ameliorate symptoms
    I see from the comments that there are many many wounded souls trying to heal themselves… many of us simply cannot pay for help if this quality
    Thanks again from a new subscriber

  • I look at my sweetheart who is 72 years young and I see him as a sexy and secure man. My father was not good looking in a sense, so my future husband looks good to me. Men are not allowed to be accepted as themselves. They have to be “the perfect man.” No such thing as that to me. You can be you and that wouldn’t bother me because I do find you are attractive and you are a nice person if I get to know you better. Looks aren’t everything. Money isn’t everything. Even a penis isn’t everything!!!

  • Wow! You did it again. It is easy to make excuses for people when it comes in small bouts and you write it off as a character flaw. But then you hit that point with your narc where you ask yourself. How did I get here? And you ask yourself how you missed all of the signs.

  • Great channel! I’m currently completing my master in MFT. Your videos are so helpful, I too believe and apply the narrative mode/technique. As to this video on narcissism, very informative… the chemical leak analogy makes perfect sense. ����

  • I just found your channel! And subscribed immediately. you are so bubbly and honest. I must now go through your backlog and watch everything!�� even though it’s mostly for women. I shall pick your brain through your content and learn new things. Because, after all who doesn’t need or want to know more about women?!��

  • Can any gender do this? Is this something you should do only when you need to? Do you have to do it on the floor? Can you use your bed or a large couch or like a poolside lounge chair? What speed should you be doing the circles? Could someone else do the circles for you? Would being naked help more? Would music or scents change the experience? Should you do it in the same place every time?

  • who said….” before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem make sure in fact you are not surrounded by assholes”?

  • I think although the media defines a certain beauty standard, at the end of the day many people that you meet in real life and that don’t fit that standard can be attractive for many different reasons that cannot be shown on a single magazine picture. Often times I will find myself physically attracted to a guy, simply based on his appearance, but without even being able to explain what I like about it.

  • Thanks so much for this series! It’s great seeing such a diverse group of men communicating honestly and openly. As you do other videos, could you make sure to include guys of Asian backgrounds into these conversations too? It would be really nice to see that represented as well…thanks!

  • Another interesting topic Dr Grande. Approx 5.45 mins. “A narcissist will pick a weakness that the victim has identified, so the victim can unknowingly give ammunition to the narcissist.” I suspect this is a factor in toxic relationships too.

  • this is so great. it was genuinely interesting to watch
    i’m really happy about the general tendency to bodypositivism. with guys i see a problem, though, that it’s so hard to change their minds sometimes:) i always tell my boyfriend he’s handsome and beautiful, but it seems deep down he doesn’t believe me, cause hey he’s not ripped, shoulders not broad enough, blahblah, and he thinks i flatter him just to make him feel better.

    honestly, guys, you are so amazing. each and every one of you has so much to love and long for.
    tender hands or manly rough hands are great, they just tell different stories. tall guys and short guys are great. big feet, small feet, skinny guys or chubby ones (you give the hugs to die for:) you are so likeable. once i get to know a person and i generally like him, there’s always features i see that make my knees give up a bit ’cause he is just a great individual.

    please know that

  • I am so glad that these men could open up about this. In society it is shown as less manly to share how you feel and to share insecurities. I am attracted to a man who can share those things. I look at two things to determine if a man is attractive to me: facial features and personality. I hope that both genders can learn to ignore the media and what is perceived as desirable and can take into account that the other sex should be respected.

  • I wish there was more talk like this for men to come forward to create awareness. As a guy who had really bad body image self esteem issues and former borderline anorexic, I feel that the fitness industry and the media always brainwashes  us for the perfect body for us to be desirable from the opposite sex. I always thought that girls love guys with abs and muscles because that’s what we see around school, movies, TV shows, etc. and whenever we hear for example girls scream whenever they see a hot guy taking of his shirt and for us we would go workout and eat right but in the mirror we would think we are not good enough and then starve for a long time. It is hard to explain. But for many of us we would be afraid to come foreword because we think it only happens to women. Its everywhere especially in grade school and college that it is unavoidable.

  • Mixed feeling about this one. While it is true that the media portrays unrealist or perhaps highly unhealthy image of muscular men with very little body fat (4%-9%) range, I believe that another culprit is the food industry. Having a good and healthy body is an ideal but that is not easily attainable because in this day and age when you are surrounded by all this processed and modified foods that is very hard to avoid. People, and not just men, should still be encourage to work out and eat clean but this ery low body fat percenatage and high muscularity is not healthy at all. Even in youtube you will find bodybuilders who tells you the hardships and negativities of reaching that competition physique. The panel in this video is not really a good panel is I may say. I mean if you don’t work out and eat right and you complain that you are not even at the good BMI range then that is your problem and not others, but if you ARE in a good BMI range but are still pressured to look jacked and/or ripped then it is the fucking media and shallow societies problem.

  • that’s one thing I don’t have too worry about because I’m very confident in myself and I’m always in great shape and just be who you are

  • This series is so invaluable because it enables me, a woman, to get an inside look at how men feel about important issues, discussions that I usually don’t have access to. Thank you!

  • My friend group and life in general is littered with narcissistic people and no one listens to me when I try to explain what is actually going on around us, people prefer the stories they have always told themselves about their own behaviour and the behaviour of the people in their lives (or the story they were told to tell themselves and still haven’t realised that yet), they care not for the actual truth, especially when it is inconvenient and would mean they’d have to make difficult changes. Narcissists and a lot of their victims seem to willfully live in denial of the dysfunctional nature of their relationships, it’s difficult to watch and stay sane, at least I am finding that difficult at the moment especially when really trying to reprogram my brain from all of it’s borderline and narcissistic maladaptions maladaptions inflicted upon me through a very similar process I watch many of my friends going through now…. Man, I love all of your videos, you have almost single handedly kept me from convincing myself I am just paranoid and over sensitive and I am actually seeing certain patterns in the behaviour of the people around me. For the record, I have actually just stopped trying to tell anyone when I see them being narcissistically abused by someone, they’ll never listen and they’ll only leave when they realise for themselves + it puts me in the firing line and I have been pushed out of friend groups by narcissists before for calling them out on their bullshit, not to mention I have also seen how calling a narcissist out can push their victims closer into their clasp. I just hate that some of my friends could end up as damaged as me between then and now and I don’t think they understand how different life will be for them afterward if they don’t nip the abuse in the bud. I have just gotta remember to focus on my own recovery, ‘you are the only one you can save’ easier said than done. Thank you Dr Grande for another great video.

  • Reason the self hatred works is because you were weak, vulnerable or had low self esteem in the fist place. Reason this charming narc picked you in the first place. They don’t go out with strong confident people.

  • Are interactions wirh narcissists inevitable and how can we accept that there is a certain level of abuse we will have to endure in life? I’m struggling to accept this reality that there are people out there that will inevitably hurt others or ourselves in the future and we can’t do anything about it.

  • This is my 2nd comment to just really thank you for that last bit at the end.. That my brother in law managed to steer it all where I’m the bad aunt but it all started really when I started pushing for my sister to go to counseling or see her PCP and try a mainstream antidepressent or something, anything. Normal people, secure people, by now we would have mended and bygones be bygones, and my sister would long ago have taken up her mental health. My brother in law would have thanked me for being my sister’s advocate in the face of her whatever-holds-her-back, not gone to the effort of making me unwelcome. I wish I could tell my sister this but she doesn’t listen to me anymore, and then I think, Well, what if I did? Unmasking a narcisisst means, It’s time to go! My sister is not in any shape to get out on my own. What then do I want to make happen? I know I want her to confront him about the situation with me, be assertive and tell him to get over whatever it is (see that is the other thing, it’s never been stated, he’s NEVER SPOKEN TO ME, it’s all inferred and via my sister.. sick!!) but if he’s a narcisisst, or acting like/ exhibiting symptoms, for her to do anything will possibly make things uncomfortable for her. An I’m 1000 miles away. So.. WOW, anyway, YES!!! LIVING YES! on the “narcisissts don’t like people to go to counseling.” DOMINOES falling into place in my mindI sensed it but now I know. WOW.

  • I’m not in the greatest shape. i could and should be, for my health but I’m comfortable with who i am. i am, when it comes to working out. i still am active in my day to day priorities. i still do all my community work. nothing is more confusing than women saying if you work out, I’ll date you. which to me is a turn off, like that will encourage me to be near you. i am kind hearted, and know my self worth.

  • A man can be attractive by the simple terms of being well put together. I think when you feel good, other people catch on to that vibe and that makes you so attractive.

  • I love this video series. I think it’s super important and amazing.

    Though I think whether or not a person thinks someone else is attractive is besides the point of liking your own body, and secondary, I genuinely found something attractive about all the humans in this video. They’re self-aware. They demonstrate listening and compassion. They care. They’re smart. Not afraid to be vulnerable. Invested in something. Comfortable. All of these things are attractive.

  • I really like you as a person. I can feel you have a good heart. I wanna know you more.. Hope you notice me… It’s Anne here..:)

  • I din’t know guys think all this…. This is so educative for me and will impact my interactions with men in such a positive way!

  • Thank you for this video! Gender equality, body image, confidence, those are ongoing struggles, for society and for each and everyone for themselves, I guess. I have been aware of men struggling with those issues as well for quite some time now, yet sometimes I still discover new aspects I’ve never thought about before. When you guys talked about “being tall” generally being one of the central attributes associated with desirable men, I suddenly realized how often you actually hear that particular thing. Guys, this is horrible…while we’re fighting for more different body types in women to be represented in the media, I don’t see much of that happening for men…I’m definitely going to pay attention to that from now on…

  • So refreshing seeing a group of men talking about their self-esteem and body image. I hope they can talk about these on women too, what they think how women are affected by all the magazine covers, images on the internet, movies, etc.

  • Scrolled down the first bunch of comments before the “Load More” option… Only saw 2 or 3 negative comments. this videos got some crazy kind power behind it XD

  • This actually means the world to me because I really feel the even though body image is generally thought of as a ”lady thing” it almost seems to me that it’s worse for guys, like for girls all you have to do is be skinny-not necessarily an easy task-, but for guys you have to work out and get muscles to be like the people in the media. (seriously not trying to offend anyone I’m just trying to put this in context just for reasonings sake-I don’t like the media-) I personally think that if you just take care of yourself for you everything else will follow.

    Love yourself! heart emoji heart emoji

  • This is the best video in the series for me. It’s interesting to hear guys’ viewpoints on this issue (body image). I have always looked at it from a woman’s perspective and never really seen it from a guy’s point of view before.

  • What makes a man attractive to me is when he’s genuinely interested in getting to know who I am at the core & wanting to establish a real connection.

  • By the time we turn forty, we’re mostly entering the midlife crisis.
    Everyone starts asking themselves, what am I doing here?
    What is my purpose?
    So everyone eventually is going to question their self worth anyway ������

  • Omg I feel sorry i missed all your video’s for the past few days �� But right now, i’m doing a yt marathon watching all your video’s for me not to miss it, and because i’m on a day off from work. Let’s go ��
    ily ��

  • That hair behind his ear is driving me completely crazy! On a serious note, I think these videos are incredibly valuable. Dialogue between men is not something we see much of, and it’s interesting to see.

  • Thanks very much! How do you as a therapist hold unconditional positive regard for a malignant narcissist, forced by the courts vs their own desire to change? My assumption/ logic would be the non judgemental stance, team consultation and tactics offered by DBT to prevent burnout, to be effective as a counselor. Are you willing to do a video on denial, if not already?

  • How I wish you can be confident of your self, don’t think of those people gonna say negative to you.. just do what makes you happy.. ����

    I recommend to you this people inspired me about everything you afraid of. Here is their YT channel
    ( weekly RoTin ) ������️‍��

  • I know exactly what you mean by these symptoms from narcissistic abuse Dr. Grande. But after finding out and subsequently studying everything about narcissism, personality disorders, psycology, Carl Jung, along with a consistent exercise routine I feel much much stronger, more confident, and content than ever before in my life. I figured out how destructive and insedious narcissistic abuse from a romantic partner and from a parent can be but then I reliase that I am not who I was programmed to be but I am who I’ve always known I was. Also figures out how they manilulated, sometimes covertly sometimes unconsiously, along with why they did it and what they were trying to accomplish. After recognizing that I took theyre best shots and figured them out along the way and making it know to them that I had craked theyre code so to speak, I feel a sense of power over my self and a clarity that is quite refreshing. And know, although I have cut communication with some of them, I cant help but to feel sort of humorous sympathy at theyre pathetic rationality.

  • All the beautiful images of the cosmos are brought to you by technologies that come from the science that this channel denies, we would still be in the dark ages if we believed in the snake oil and lies people like this sell.

  • The worst is when they make you question your own truth/sense of reality/sanity of mind. You can’t decide and be ever sure if you are right about the manipulation, abuse and the bad intent or just take something the wrong way. (They want you to believe that they are all good or at least there’s nothing wrong with them.) They just have problems, poor them, they are innocent. It makes your mind totally confused and feel as if it’s either them or you. And you start to believe that it’s you who is “too sensitive”, “overreacting”, “overthinking”. And “mean” even to presume anything bad about them. It’s like being under a very strong and wicked spell. And you don’t know it’s this spell that makes you feel awful. You think you feel guilty because they are right. But once you realize what it is and your mind can see that all those pieces make sense now and fit together perfectly, you’re free! And you won’t believe how you couldn’t see it before and how you didn’t let yourself accept the truth.

  • Ive needed counselling for such a long time. I feel like a flower that has had petrol poured into my soil from early childhood. My grandmother is relentless at trying to make me feel less than. She has a huge problem with females having confidence and achieving. Even looking back at my childhood she enjoyed humiliating me, telling people she felt sorry for me because i couldnt make friends (even though i did have friends) i just never understood why she used to say things that was not true. Your videos are really helpful

  • Narcissists always feel miserable due to their low self-esteem or even self-loathing stemming from deep inside. If a healthy person ever encounters such feelings, he would cope by accepting and changing himself to eventually move on to happiness.

    Narcissists, however, are either too lazy or stubborn to do the same. So, how can you make yourself happy when you don’t want to change yourself? By dragging down the people who are happier than you. If others feel more miserable than you, you are then technically happier than the others.

    It actually is a sad and terrible life. They constantly need to scream “Nobody should deserve happiness when I don’t have one!” through their actions.

  • Hello @Dr Todd: Can you please share a video on NVC Vs Narcissism and if at all this practice can help cure narcissism. For example, the practice of, “I never hear what people think of me” a thing that Nonviolent Communication (NVC) preaches is a weapon to a narcissist to be more cruel and keep on not hearing to even the most constructive of feedback that people give them.
    What do you have to say about that.

  • It makes perfect sense that these feelings of insecurity goes beyond so many limits we usually believe contains it. No, it’s not just a single gender, no it’s not just a single age group, no it’s not just a single ANYTHING. We all have these issues one way or the other. I was so happy to hear these men opening up, it’s a tough thing to do, but no one will accept that men can have these troubles as well, if we never talk about it.

    I’m what most would call either a kid or a young man at best, I’m 18. I am of a slender build and not particularly tall. I have so many of the same insecurities as these men. Can I protect my friends? Will a woman touch me and think “this is a mans body” or will she think “wow this is either a skeleton or a child”? Will people look at me and consider me weak and pathetic?

    That form of thinking is literal bullshit, but our brains do it anyway, pretty damn stupid. That way of thinking got me to try and work out, and I still do to this day, that’s indeed a good thing, but I do it for all the wrong reasons. We cannot be happy like this, I cannot be happy when I look at my body and myself this way. Damn I need to change, but not just me, but also the society that we live in today as well

  • An excellent succinct explanation about narcissistic abuse. I do want to mention that sometimes a narcissist will attach themselves to someone who does not have low self-esteem because the narcissist wants to both use the skills their target has and, because they actually resent the target for the abilities the narcissist does not have, abuse the individual’s good nature and then try to damage their self-esteem through such tactics as nasty verbal ‘put-downs’, ad hominems frequently related to the actual abilities the narcissist lacks and covets yet resents their target for having. After this, if the target does not have decent social support in their life (such as a partner and friends who see the narcissist for the toxic individual s/he is and suggest the target get the narcissist out of their life) they may very well end up with damaged self-esteem from the narcissist. I experienced this with two narcissists who went to the same high school and wanted to remain in my life when we went onto University.
    Thankfully, I was able to end the relationships before my sense of self-worth was damaged the way narcissists typically do. It was solely due both my husband’s comments about them and his support and my own decision when moving into post-grad, desiring more time to devote to my studies, that I began to analyse the people in my life and ended the relationships with the narcissists. One of the narcissists turned quite nasty when she realised I wasn’t going to continue in a relationship with someone so toxic and jealous. It’s when one ends the relationships that the narcissists truly reveal just how vicious and abusive they are likely because their source of ‘supply’ has gone and especially because they weren’t the ones in control of ending it or doing the ‘discard’: it’s all about power and control with narcissists.

  • I absolutly love this series. The fact that these guys were having an open and completely honest conversation fills me with so much hope. i wish everyone could interact with each other in this way.

  • How can I protect my child from the narc father?? Would you be so kind as to say a few words on single parenting and ensuring sanity and a safe place mentally and emotionally for your child? Thank you for all the videos out there, huge help.

  • this was interesting to watch.. just made a study about body image and self esteem and the differences between the genders at university (i am a psychology student)

  • Gee, when I immediately went for counseling, not later on I came to find out the counselor was totally invalidating and retraumatizing me and trying to explore me financially, of course and helping screw me up even more (because she had cluster b traits), which (subsequent situations of abuse) today I see as totally “normal”.Tough luck. But we move on. Other good people and your channel and others have helped me learn and see through a lot of abusive behaviors and patterns, and today I’m able to help friends and relatives, too.��
    As usual, thank you so much for all always, Dr Grande. Your work is life-saving in these narcisisstic times.

  • The man at 6:30 hit the nail on the head for the entire episode. They need a series like this for middle age and older men, men in their mid fifties and sixties. We all struggle with the same issues. It does not stop, ever!

  • My sick in the head captors sent me to a psychiatrist at age seven. That really devastated me at a young age. I was tormented by this so called “Family”. Beaten, bullied, traumatized in every way. And to send me to a shrink was the ultimate cover for them and the ultimate insult for me…

  • I wonder if I’m overly familiar or too preoccupied with this subject. I don’t know what to think about a life devoid of empathy. It seems tragic to be so estranged from one’s own heart, but many of them seem healthy and happy, as if meanness were some kind of illicit spiritual growth hormone. I’m still trying to plumb the shallows of the narcissistic mind. Does narcissism flourish in a capitalistic environment, where “the one with the most toys in the end wins”?
    Plenty to unpack in this subject, too. I thought your video would be longer, but I’m not complaining. Thanks, again.
    Edit: I think the vampire analogy works perfectly. Read “Dracula,” by Bram Stoker. LAL: laughing a little.

  • It is extremely important for me to only date a GENTLEMANone who respects everyone, does simple acts of kindness, is patient & gentle, protects, etc. That’s what makes someone attractive.

  • every single one of these guys is so attractive. and while they are handsome that attractiveness for me comes completely from the intelligence and heart they clearly all have.

  • I wonder if my former friend was a narcissist. Ended our friendship four times. It was me 3 of the times. I doubt theyre a narcissist since some of the behavior that messed up my self esteem was when we were like 12? And that seems too young for someone to have npd. And I feel bad for saying they and my mother messed up my self esteem. It makes me wonder if I’m the narcissist. I’m worried I was a narcissist who somehow lead someone to believe they were bpd. And then I wonder if me blaming myself, even wondering if I am to fault when strangers passive agressively complain means I’m a narcissist cus I wonder if its about me..I dont confront most of the time I just spiral into fear everyone hates me. Ive told myself me feeling like the worst person was narcissistic in itself cus it was a sense of feeling special even in a negative way. I act against it and vent and tell a lot but a voice inside my head says I’m being manipulative whenever I tell my story. Yeah idk. At this point I am so confused and tired and i just want to isolate myself from society so I don’t have to be terrified of hurting anyone and being hurt. I feel like I’m only civil and nice to people cus its in my programming to act in accordance to avoid being hurt but dang I wish I was nice out if genuine kindness and not fear.

  • okay to all the boys/men out there
    you are a handsome prince
    you are worth everything
    you deserve more than the universe
    your body is perfect
    I love you no matter what

  • Here’s another Dr. Grande brilliance; “Narcissists dont provide accurate feedback…..they are trying to pull you down the ladder.” This is so meaningful.

  • Thank you for this insightful analysis Dr Grande. I could have watched an hour of this… all if this resonates with my experiences of being married to a malignant narc for over a decade. 100% accurate

  • And if you’re gay, take this and multiply it by 1,000… if you don’t look like a Men’s Fitness model or fit neatly into one of the many other taxonomies (twink, bear, cub, wolf, otter, etc.) you are persona non grata to the community.

    And if you’re over the age of 50, hopefully you’re in a financial position to buy attention, because many if not most other guys your own age are looking for guys in their late teens, 20s, and maybe 30s. As far as the gay community is concerned, you’ve already got one foot in the grave and might as well be dead (unless, as previously mentioned, you have $ and are willing to be a sugar daddy). For a community that has suffered discrimination and oppression by society in general, it’s ironic that it’s turned on itself and is doing the same to one another.

  • Body image consciousness affects me in a very deep level that I don’t even recognise it anymore, makes you feel completely worthless and less than a man unless you put on size and muscle, growing up not only naturally skinny but also my bones are too thin, like my hands and wrists are too skinny, putting on size and muscle especially in my arms wasn’t just a good plus for me, but something that brings me from zero absolute trash to a normal human being, not to myself because I respect myself, but to people that judge you and those looks and comments they make to you, they are very hurtful

  • honestly, personality makes a man attractive. The love of my life could be a man who is balding, shorter than me and overweight. If he draws me in with his beautiful heart how could I say “no, you don’t have the “right” look.”? Ideally, we all want to be attracted to our partner but what happens when the looks fade? Will we trade them in for an “upgrade”?

  • Just subscribed. All I can say is WOW Doc! Never thought of things like that, been 3 years since I’ve been discarded. Very concise explanationthanks! I needed that logical thoughtful explanation!

  • Its quite funny how women say personality makes a guy attractive but then how is a guy meant to show his personality if most women won’t give him the chance because of his physical appearance?

  • please make more of these videos. i love the compelling and stimulating conversations these guys are having. it really makes me think of ways i can make myself a better man. i love these videos, i love this channel i need more of this in my life.

  • Dr. Grande, can you do a video regarding the mental effects the Media is having on the public by spreading propaganda, bias reporting, disinformation, scare tactics etc.?
    Thank you for your work!

  • Just want to say wow to your channel.
    Your work, scientific approach, backed up by personal experience, on-point without making it rocket science…. Danke. Thanks.
    I am convinced you help many people realizing, “seeing”, what actually happens and thus help them.
    Big thanks, Dr. G.

  • to be honest i dont expect a perfectly built man as i am not perfectly built either. as long as he works out to keep his health good that’s all i care about.

  • My narcissistic ex convinced me I was crazy until I legitimately thought that I was. Then I got counseling, realized he was manipulating me and left him ��

  • As a girl, i can say that men honestly have it just as bad as us. In fact, i kinda think they have it worse. We need to put more emphasis on this topic.

  • “Low self esteem will not help you to make amends.” Important message, thank you! If you dwell in a self-hatred, it doesn’t help and it can turn into a helpless state where you can’t do anything to make anything better. I was taught that it was a sign of a good person to feel bad about oneself because it’s humble enough or something, and there was never given a possibility that I could ever change my bad qualities. So I was taught to feel inherently bad. Every time I somehow started to question it and felt that maybe I deserved something, I felt I was being entitled. I still struggle with that, I don’t always know what is a reasonable request and what is entitlement. It’s a lot easier just to adjust to everything, but lately I’ve tried not to do that. I feel it suffocates me inside if I keep adjusting to everything. I need to get a grip on a message that I can be a good or ok person with a good self-esteem and self-worth (it doesn’t mean that I’m selfish and entitled), and that actually is a way I can cause more good things in my surroundings.

  • I guess I should be careful not to become a narcissist’s victim, as I already have pretty low self-esteem…

    The only other problem that has caused so far is that it made my social awkwardness worse. I don’t think it’s at a point where I need counseling yet.

    It’s not a result of narcissistic abuse btw, it’s the result of bullying I experienced five years ago that had an especially strong effect on me as I was in my early teens back then and people are generally more vulnerable to others opinions at that age (at least I was)

  • Dr Grande, could you please talk about narcissistic abuse of children, what early warning signs to look for, and how to prevent long-term damage to children? Thank you!

  • I’m 6’1 and I was 297 and and over the course of 2 years I’m down to 219 all natural I’m still not done yet I want that look that comes with attraction my goal is 190 I just hope I’m happy after I find happiness I get there

  • I hate the “Unconditional Positive Regard” and I don’t fully understand why it makes my skin crawl, and frustrates me. Also I get hella done with with my therapist when they use this.

  • This topic was spot on. I could relate in so many ways. My ex-husband was a narssatist who systematically destroyed my confidence and self worth. I’m still working to get through it.

  • Very interesting Dr Grande. It’s terribly sad at how much people suffer at the hands of narcissists and they certainly don’t deserve to end up in self loathing. I partly relate to that as far as feeling worthless during a massive depression as part of my PTSD where I felt somehow, someway I must have caused the traumatic event. In my head I seriously believed I brought an horrific event upon myself, but that was depression talking and experiencing, so I imagine it could be very much the same for the victims of a narcissist. Trauma is trauma whether it results in PTSD or not, but I have to wonder how anyone could survive years of torment and not suffer from something themselves in the end. My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered as you described. Thank you for a very informative video, Dr Grande. You have a peaceful day ☺️

  • Hi, Dr. Grande! I just discovered your channel about a week or two ago and have been following since. Your topics are very interesting and I really like and respect the sensitive and thoughtful ways you approach each subject.
    I have a suggestion for a topic that might be interesting to you (and if not that’s fine too!) Chris Benoit, and the effects of steroids and/or concussions over time. I would be curious to see your standpoint. Either way thank you so much for your fantastic videos!

  • What a load of bullshit of an echo chamber also when you hit twenty your done growing and some of it is biological and some of it is environmental too and anyone can gain muscles by working out the perfect human body is a healthy body look at Arnold Schwarzenegger he debunks all this bullshit and the media dosent define our bodies all of you are beta male cucks with self conscious issues I’ve I’ve a beer belly and I’m good looking because apart of it is also your attitude too is what makes you attractive and both men and women want to have a physical healthy and strong all of you are retarded and real strength comes from.within yourself not through diplomacy

  • I once had a therapist who did not have an once of unconditional positive regard for me. Needless to say, I didn’t see her many times

  • If your going to talk about narcissism I think a more balanced approach would be more useful. Simply talking about traits without talking about motivations only tells a small part of the story. Motivation can be more damaging than behavior. You can demolish a castle by simply removing one brick at a time. I doubt whether anyone can understand a person simply by focusing on their behavior. Its really a murky area in my view.

    You clearly outlined some of the damaging ‘traits’ of being in a narcissistic relationship and how certain behaviors ‘could’ lead to self hatred and low self esteem. Makes sense. But I am left with the thought “so what?”

    Could you give some attention to motivation?

    Even in a court of law you have to see whether a defendants motivation lines up with there behavior. Simply focusing on behavior would lead to too many doubts in a jury. There has to be probable cause (motivation). Probable Cause does not benefit the defendant, it benefits the jury by taking away the guilt of locking someone up if the defendant is found guilty (this is good).

    Understanding motivation in regards to Narcissistic abuse I believe helps the victim to be released from guilt, shame, self hated and loathing. So looking at motivation has some value. Focusing simply on traits and behaviors has unintended consequences and tends to lead to victimhood.

    Disclosure: If anyone should read this I have schizoid personality disorder (with vulnerable ‘narcissistic’ traits). I am still working out my motivation for writing this. My guess is I am being arrogantly defensive and acting out from a deep sense of frustration. Please feel free to discard/disregard all above statements as nonsense.

  • what makes a man attractive? humbleness and authenticity, that he’s not afraid of revealing his emotions and feelings. that makes a men (or any person) strong.

  • My psychologist was a cluster B. But I’ve seen several, and I don’t identify with the terminology. This implies that I should feel or think something about my situation, which is complex ptsd. My depression was clearly the result of imploding short term memory. With that implosion of daily routines and horizon in general. Not opening the curtains any more is a practicality. My trauma is problem-solving skills hitting the wall. So was my preceding creeping burn-out. I have no thoughts about my learned helplessness. I have a trauma for the same reason that any creature walks around the thorny bushes. I’m only surprised how the petty narcissistic behaviour has completely derailed me. Like depression surprised me. I was like: I’m going to sleep for two weeks and then I’ll be over it. I still have that “impulse”: tomorrow this might be over. I think it annoys my psychologists that I have accepted that this is not the case. The reality of trauma and depression. And I don’t hate myself for it. I do not have an opinion about the position of the narcissist, because I do not reflect on the content of a delusion. In essence my trauma has no cause. And no consequences. I do not have anything to say about it. I do not have feelings about it.

  • I lived in a foster family who, if you asked ‘What if…,’ they would reply “What if a cow landed on the house?” I would ask “What if everyone at school thinks I’m a nerd?” They would answer: “What if a cow fell on the house?”
    I never DID figure out EXACTLY what it means but I gathered that they hated imagination. Stephen King ENCOURAGES people to ask ‘What if…’
    I follow him on Twitter.

  • I’ve only ever met one narcissist in my life and he was so horrible that I put my Keds on and ran after the first half attempt at an apology that, in the end, was blaming me for his horrible insults.
    Just say no, peeps. �� Then block your phone number and take as many precautions as you can to rid your life of this poison. And that’s exactly what it is poison.
    Thank you, Dr. Grande. ���� Your metaphor was perfect.

  • My bpd/covert narc ex used sleep deprivation to turn me into a grumpy mood swinging lazy irrational person, and I fecking hate grumpy mood swinging lazy irrational people.
    It was a perfect mind game for my ex because I was right most of the time calling her out on her shit but the way I was doing it when insanely tired I would end up saying sorry because I hated how I was arguing.
    I knew nothing about sleep deprivation at the time and it really messed me up, and I don’t use drugs and some of my friends think she was putting “edibles” in my food because when I tell them how I was thinking when living with my ex they tell me that is how druggies think when they have a bad trip.
    So I started acting like the people I hate the most and I started hating myself. And my ex seemed to love me being that way she preferred the irrational me saying sorry and self hating than the positive truth telling person I am. Tmi warning she even would give me blowjobs and hand jobs when I said sorry for my behavior reinforcing the brainwashing. When she knew she was in the wrong and I was saying sorry was when she got hyper sexual.
    If I stayed on point and won a row she wouldn’t have sex with me for a week but made a point of masturbating very often and loudly (even with her daughter able to hear) if she won a row or got me to say sorry she would reward me with sexual favours there and then.
    What’s creepy I saw her mother doing this with her dad too. Her dad would be in the right then lose it say sorry then be dragged of to another room and you could here them doing stuff together, and the mother would come back all happy and the dad would look guilty as sin.

  • Had a revelation listening to you. So much complex information. Very helpful and hopefully it will help me make a change in my thinking ��

  • As a man I have to come to realize in this day and age if you are fat like me but a good person, girls now will ignore you and choose the guy who is strong and rude. What is wrong why are the girls I am around like this and they ignore me.

  • This is amazing. I would have never thought that these men had all these body issues. Obviously everybody has things they don’t like about themselves. Everybody feels pressure from the media. If any of these men are in the comment section by the way, ALL of the men I saw in this video were gorgeous in their own way. Y’all rock <3

  • I feel like girls mostly are the ones that get recognition for having low self esteem… But even as a girl, I can definitely understand why guys have have low self-esteem…. Society sucks

  • My mother has always asked me why she doesn’t have grandkids from me. Why she doesn’t have a son in law? One day she kept going on about how I ripped her off. Finally, I snapped and said I was the one who was ripped off. Of a good childhood, stable home, loving mother, having a relationship with my father, etc. Then I said you are the reason you don’t have any of those things.

  • Hi Natalie �� try to visit our country “Philippines”. It’s beautiful like you. And I’m sure that you will enjoy it. I hope your happy right now. Loveyah��

  • It’s important to know sadly that not all counselors show such positive regard toward their clients. They can be narcissistic themselves and end up emotionally abusing clients who are vulnerable and trying to recover from low self esteem.

  • I’ve been a supporter since you’ve started YouTube! And I can say I’ve seen you in your ups and downs and I just love where you’re at rn! I hope everything is going well and you Deserve the best! ��

  • Thank you for your informative videos!! I would like to see one that tells, about self harm, destroying your own, being lost in this disorder.

  • Dr. Grande! You are on fire with these videos! Thank you so much for them. Your videos are always the best and most interesting ❤❤