Ideas to Stop Toddler Hitting


How to Stop a Child with Autism from Hitting | Autism ABA Strategies

Video taken from the channel: Mary Barbera Turn Autism Around


How to Decrease Aggressive Behavior Hitting and Throwing

Video taken from the channel: Walkie Talkie Speech Therapy Inc.


Toddler Discipline: Getting Your Toddler to Stop Hitting Once and For All!

Video taken from the channel: Be the Change Parenting


How can I get my child to stop pinching, hitting, biting, scratching, and throwing things?

Video taken from the channel: IntermountainMoms


How To Stop Toddler Hitting | 6 Gentle Parenting Tips

Video taken from the channel: Santa Monica Monica


How To Get Toddlers to Stop Hitting

Video taken from the channel: TEACH through Love


How To Get Toddler To Stop Hitting

Video taken from the channel: Live On Purpose TV

Here are 9 tips to stop toddler hitting: Be There To Handle It “Between the ages of 2 and 3, toddler social emotional development is such that children may Understand the Behavior It’s important to realize that toddlers need to act out. “Toddlers do a lot of learning from React. As soon as your child hits (or if you can stop him as his hand goes up), take him away from the situation right away. Get him to relax by having him run around outside or take a few deep breaths.

Once he’s regained his composure, explain what he did wrong clearly and simply. (Don’t overexplain, because he won’t understand a complex explanation.). How to Stop a Toddler from Hitting Causes of Toddler Hitting. Toddlers may not realize that hitting can hurt, because a sense of compassion isn’t Solutions for Toddler Hitting. The way you react to your child’s lashing out is the key to nipping it in the bud. Here’s The Bottom Line.

With young toddlers, one way to teach them not to hit is to demonstrate gentle touch. “If Sebastian wasn’t angry or upset, but just hitting to hit, we’d say, ‘Ouch, that hurt me. Can you show me a gentle touch?’” says Robson. “We’d gently stroke his head or arm or wherever he had hit us. Discipline Tips for Stopping a Child From Hitting Others Talk with your child before he joins others in a playgroup about appropriate ways to act. Tell your child what you expect in easy-to-understand language. Once your child is old enough to really understand what you are saying, he is old enough to begin learning right from wrong.

HOW DO YOU GIVE A TODDLER A TIME OUT? FIND A PERMANENT TIME OUT LOCATION. We were putting my daughter in time out wherever we could.

If we were in the living WALK OUT OF THE ROOM. This trick works wonders. When your toddler goes into time out, walk out of the room and ignore GET DOWN TO THEIR.

Here are a few ideas to get you started: Use your words. Help your child learn to use words instead of hitting. Walk away. Teach your child to walk away when they feel someone is treating them badly.

You don’t want them walking away Go to your quiet corner. Make a special corner where your child. Reinforcing good behaviors with positive consequences can encourage your child to stop hitting.

For example, reward your child for using “gentle touches.” Break the day up into several time periods where he can earn stickers or tokens for good behaviors. You can also praise your child when they use gentle touches. Recognize your child’s feeling or goal.

Let your child know that you understand what he wants to do: You want to play with the water, but you cannot spill the water from your sippy cup on the floor. Or, You are really angry. You want to stay longer at the playground, but it. Keep your toddler active. You might find that when your toddler doesn’t get a chance to burn off her abundant energy, she’s a terror at home.

If your child is high-spirited, give her plenty of unstructured time, preferably outdoors, to let off steam. Get help if you need it.

List of related literature:

Teach him to tolerate pinches and hugs and the inadvertent bangs and bumps that an uncoordinated toddler may accidentally inflict.

“Retired Racing Greyhounds For Dummies” by Lee Livingood
from Retired Racing Greyhounds For Dummies
by Lee Livingood
Wiley, 2011

When your child takes a swing at her playmate, say firmly, “Don’t hit!

“What to Expect: The Second Year” by Heidi Murkoff
from What to Expect: The Second Year
by Heidi Murkoff
Simon & Schuster UK, 2012

When the toddler hits or bites another child, calmly remove the offender from the situation.

“Broadribb's Introductory Pediatric Nursing” by Nancy T. Hatfield
from Broadribb’s Introductory Pediatric Nursing
by Nancy T. Hatfield
Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2007

If necessary, gently but firmly separate the children so the child who hit will not do it again, saying, “Hands are not for hitting.

“Hands Are Not for Hitting” by Martine Agassi, Marieka Heinlen
from Hands Are Not for Hitting
by Martine Agassi, Marieka Heinlen
Free Spirit Publishing, 2014

A note about hitting: In my experience, when toddlers laugh while they’re hitting, run away (while laughing), or repeatedly try to touch things they’ve been asked not to (also laughing), these are almost always veiled requests for Movement fun.

“JOYFUL TODDLERS AND PRESCHOOLERS: Create a Life that You and Your Child Both Love” by Faith Collins
from JOYFUL TODDLERS AND PRESCHOOLERS: Create a Life that You and Your Child Both Love
by Faith Collins
Hohm Press, 2017

Solution: Try putting a small wrist weight on his hands to help him keep them down, or put a small toy in each pocket and encourage him to play with the toys and stop the waving.

“The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries” by Michele Borba
from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries
by Michele Borba
Wiley, 2009

Positive reinforcement, redirection, and time­outs are appropriate for most toddlers.

“Wong's Essentials of Pediatric Nursing9: Wong's Essentials of Pediatric Nursing” by Marilyn J. Hockenberry, David Wilson, Donna L. Wong
from Wong’s Essentials of Pediatric Nursing9: Wong’s Essentials of Pediatric Nursing
by Marilyn J. Hockenberry, David Wilson, Donna L. Wong
Elsevier/Mosby, 2013

Hold their hands while speaking softly if they are prone to hit or throw during their tantrum.

“Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery” by Judy L Arnall
from Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
by Judy L Arnall
Professional Parenting Canada, 2012

For example, you might say to your child, “Stop hitting.

“Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems” by Jerry Wyckoff, PhD, Barbara C. Unell
from Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems
by Jerry Wyckoff, PhD, Barbara C. Unell
Meadowbrook, 2010

If the toddler has learned that he can’t stop Dad from hitting, he may redirect his control needs to compulsively arrange objects.

“Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft Revised Edition” by Mary Hopkins-Best
from Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft Revised Edition
by Mary Hopkins-Best
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2012

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  • My 6 year old nephew needs help. He’s autistic and has violent behavior. He hits with a closed fist, he bites, he bangs on the wall, table, destroyed furniture, he screams and yells, and he even touches your breast or legs when it’s a female. When I visited he bit me so hard, and I couldn’t take it anymore I just left. I feel so sorry for my sister because there’s no relief. He’s like this daily. Anything you suggest? He’s seeing a psychiatrist, going to aba, but nothing works.

  • What if I just generally get very easy very fast….?
    Everything literally and I can’t control it and apparently people fear me when I’m angry but they tell me they like me alot when I’m not angry and that I’m very nice and polite

  • Its very informative. If the quality of recorder is better, it would be easier for a English as second Lagrange speaker like me. The sound seem to have echoes.

  • My 1 yr old hits the 3 yr old. The little one slapped the other one the other day just because the 3 yr old fell down. The 3 yr old cried so hard and kept pointing at the 1 yr old. Actually thr 1 yr old is 1.5 yrs old. I’m so frustrated. I’ve already said no, other people say he doesn’t know what he is doing but I’m just so frustrated. The 3 yr old does not deserve it.

  • I just start to pretend to cry when she hits me and she starts to say sorry and give hugs plus kisses. She stopped hitting me after she realise that she was hurting me

  • What do you do when your 2 and a half year old smacks you without reason? Like out of nowhere? Mine does both when he is frustrated and just because….I have tried hugging him but he is all over the place, I’ve tried talking to him calmly then he just screams & smacks me again. I am at a loss…

  • Yes it’s very simple, I raise three children and they never did any of that. Because when they did something wrong you spank their butt on there but a few swats is all it takes and they learn how to behave and they learn the authorities and their home. If you discipline your child when they’re young they will grow up to be absolutely lovely people if you do not they will grow up to be self-centered, selfish, out-of-control, very unpleasant people and/or worst of all end up in prison or in jail

  • My 5yrs autistic nephew mostly hits himself because of unable to say, he mostly like to do things which he wants and to avoid others say he start hitting himself. How this can be controlled?

  • I’m not a parent, I’m just fed up with my brother. He’s too scared to hit me so he runs to my mom or gramdmother to smack them with whatever he’s got in his hands.

  • I do all of this but my significant other doesnt. I’ve expressed these idea and she gets pissed says she doesn’t appreciate being told how to parent… she has 3 wonderful girls and we have a 4year boy. I expressed that boy and girls are not the same and I also dont want my child to be raised with fear. Through intimidation or sarcasm. Communication and calm attitude are what I try to Express

  • This advice seems like it’s adding an awful lot of extra attention to the hitting behavior… it’s reinforcing what the toddler used to get your attention… hitting.

  • This video didnt help:( my toddler things hitting is funny, he uses hitting for everything, when he is angry, frustrated, and when playing.. i have used all techniques, calm and collective, yelling, time out, spanking, removing him from the situation, shifting is attention, i tried ignoring him… nothing works, i dont know what else to do ��‍♀️��

  • Honestly the best video so far that is giving me results is a video where a mother was talking about how to get her infant to stop hitting, and what she did was she took the toddler’s hand, and said “gentle”. And, at the same time, showing him what that is when he touched her face. I tried this with my 12 month old daughter, and it’s working. I still have to show her but she ges it and now she is touching my face in a gentle way, and when I praise her for it, she claps:)

  • Tried this…didn’t work he just continued to push and hit his baby sister. Tried to ask what he was feeling, he just ignored me and wandered off. This happens several times every hour and I’m exhausted

  • plz help me. my elder son was very
    much obedient, calm at the age of his first 2 yrs. but after that I become pregnant. I couldn’t give him proper time. Now he is too much stuborn, always screaming, even hitting his lil bro sometimes. what can I do? only he acts very gently if he get anyone who is at his age.

  • I love that you point out that “no” and “stop” are SURVIVAL words and that kids should know them. I hear and read all the time about how we shouldn’t use “no”.. but it is important for them to know and understand it. Thank you for sharing all this advice!

  • Really helpful. Confirmed how I have felt but this a great teaching to follow when self doubt appears. It also brings clarity to the approach I have been trying to achieve. Thank you!!

  • This is amazing. Thank you. So simple. Great advice. Any advice for a parent with anxiety? I go straight to yelling and my kids have a bad attitude and it’s because of me I am not calm and my anxiety when they do crazy things gets the best at me. I will work on this. I will pray about it

  • My son is 3 and is pretty mean to other children. He pulls hair, pinches, bites, and scratches. He’s even broken a kids glasses once. He does have a speech delay and we think this is why he is doing this. It’s not normal if your child is always doing it, regardless how many times to tell him no.

  • Hi Mary, my son is 5 yrs old now, he always banging his forehead and hitting his chin and chest when he is irritated especially at night time, he hate to go to bed. I am so frustrated and don’t know what to do to stop him. I am so afraid if he might have brain damage later on if he keep doing it. Please advice me!

  • Adults dont need you to repeat all your words over and over. I can see th hat you would drive a child mad with too many words! The information you shared could have been relayed in 3 minutes. Just Kiss it….

  • Although i appreciate the advise and how calm you are and all of your experience as a mom, a nurse, a BCBA and a PhD, but all of your videos are very redundant. I’ve been forwarding your videos to my sons kindergarten teacher who is a special ed teacher my son has weekly and even daily meltdowns but it would be helpful to have more solution based strategies. When you say “make a plan” after Assesment of frequency and severity we need to know more about the plan. Please make videos with “20 things you can do to help your child have a successful day in school or his special day class so you can go to work without getting called everyday to pick him up “

  • Hello, what would you suggest doing when your child hits and you do exactly as you’ve suggested in your video, but, they in turn become even more frustrated and begin throwing objects like toys, books, etc.

  • I’m seriously overwhelmed with my kids… Both of them hit people and scream at people. I feel like poop about the behavior they display everywhere we go.

  • I love that you say, “I’m not going to let you hit” instead of “we don’t hit” or “you don’t hit” (or even “no hitting!”) because it takes the onus of responsibility off the child, who was clearly feeling out of control, to put it where it belongs with the parent. Does this help relieve pressure on the child?

    My next question is how to catch yourself before you get to “out of control” mode (yelling, etc.) as a parent instead of during or after? Especially with multiple children (babies and toddlers), multiple stressors (no sleep, tight budgets, family friction, etc.). It’s easy to tell yourself you won’t pop off next time but things build up and eventually sometimes people do. What then?

  • My 2 year old always hits when he’s angry and cries and he now started stomping. I always hold his hands when he’s hitting and say no, that we do not hit. Yet it didn’t help.. I hope I can finally stop this behaviour. Thanks for your video!

  • I was a foster parent to a little girl who tried to hurt me really bad. I dealt with it for years. Now i have a sweet little toddler who when she hits.. it triggers me. I just start crying. I feel dumb. Put your own mask on is so needed.

  • My son is7he was diagnosed at 4 with autism adhd he is fine during the day but at night when we give him medicine to help him sleep about20 minates after medicine he becomes violent hitting kicking screaming jumping on the bed he’s no verbal and he see a psychiatrist once a week how do we stop this behavior

  • This video made me so emotional now that I have watched it so many times ���� I had seen your video a couple of months ago before I had the need to and I have been practicing your advice dr Paul, and everytime we succeed in coming closer and closer with my little baby boy! ����
    I am so grateful to you!
    Best regards! ������

  • Hi…… My son is 22 months old, and he is into this habit of banging his head against objects, when he is stopped from doing something.. he does it also sometimes to get attention. He speaks monosyllabic words but hasn’t started speaking as such…. Could you help, please

  • Your kids are so blessed with a mama full of so much love for them. Controlling our emotions as parents is so important and so hard! Good tips. One thing that has helped me is to also apologize when I as the mother mess up. We have a “talk soft” rule in our home that mommy has broken �� My eldest now apologizes really quickly when she makes the wrong choice. Great tips as alway Monica!

  • For many months I have been trying so calmly and gently to tell my son he can’t hit me. He used to hit himself too but now he claps when he is angry but it’s still hitting me…. I feel like I’m missing something

  • I will add very important note: after we move the toddler we hold him with love love love and tel him this is not acceptable with calm voice yes and calm body,, tel him I love you and put him down. Must touch him with love while talking!

  • thank you so much it’s really help for me most of all teaching young kids.Hitting could not be just control by any younger child but adult must be the one to assessed them and give them advice to change their behaviour.

  • My 3-year-old daughter has always had and still has tantrum episodes every single day. It’s humiliating. Bedtime is so stressful EVERY DAY! And this is not the only time she is out of control. I have tried it all; routine, stories, positive reinforcement, games, etc., still, nothing works. We can’t figure it out… We would appreciate your input… I’m all ears!!! Thanks!!!

  • My son only hits me… but I think it’s because of the ways we play together… he understands that he can play rough with Dad (maybe it’s not good, but I am okay with him playing rough with me), but he knows the difference between Dad and others… it’s never a response or inability to communicate… he just likes to play wrestle… I don’t discourage it… I’m okay with it… he is 4… so far, he has never displayed aggression towards others… parenting is such a wonderful responsibility… thanks Monica!

  • I remember back when I was in first grade years ago I remember there was this girl and one day in class she did something I don’t remember what it was now but i remember the teacher untied her shoes and took her shoes away I remember this girl she was fighting trying to keep her shoes on and screaming and crying to as she was getting her shoes untied and taken off

  • Thank you for this video! Really informative.
    I was also wondering if you could do a video or answer how can I deal with other kid’s influence over my toddler.
    For example, an older child in our extended family who is a negative role model and my kid imitates his aggressive behavior… Do I remove him from the situation or do I try to assert this methods only on my kid (the older kid doesn’t get reprimanded by his parents often) or wait for when they are apart to stop aggressive behavior?

  • I’m loving this positive parenting playlist and I’m learning so so much! I’m glad I found you now when my boy just turned one. He doesn’t hit yet but he bites out of frustration and he’s got 12 teeth so pretty good damage! Thanks for the food for thought

  • My son is 18 months old & only hits me. He doesn’t do this when he’s having a tantrum, he does this while he’s calm (many times we have be playing in his play area, carrying him while dancing, sitting on my lap when he suddenly just raises his arm & slaps me.) It almost seems impulsive. I’m not sure what causes this behavior as there are no sequence of events leading up to an upset child. This has me very confused as to what it is I may be doing wrong. Ha anyone else experienced this with their babies?

  • Hello… My niece is 3 year old.. And he couldnt speak anything… And he is hetting himself by his hand and sometime bang his head to wall… Please help me.. what should i do…? Maam Please give me some tips…

  • Would you have any suggestions on my 1.5 year old who is hitting everything/one? For some reason, he particularly likes to hit the 70 lb dog. He doesn’t know the difference between a pat and a hit. Sometimes it’s in anger, sometimes it’s in fun. In this instance, how do we correct the “fun”?

  • Great tips. Here is my situation. My 16 month old hits my 4 year old like any time she is upset. Mostly it is over toys. Any ideas? Here I cannot talk to her as she does not understand anything!!

  • Or when he having a tantrum he lied down and starts rolling his head and dosent see what he is doing I’m scared he will hurt himself on a car or toys which are on a floor

  • My son is 5 years old. He is a level 2. I have watched him carefully and I still can’t understand why he is doing this.
    I often babysit. I have 2-3 toddlers here. My son will be playing nicely and out of nowhere he just pushes one of the kids or throws a book at them. There isn’t any reason that I can see. And he only pushes 1 child specifically. He doesn’t pick on the others at all. I’m exhausted. He is the kindest, sweetest boy when it’s just us two. Can you please help me? Ive watched so many of your free workshops (thank you so much for taking the time to make them btw) but I’m having a bit of trouble finding the answer I need. Thank you so much.

  • I actually had a siuation with my son occur yesterday. My son just wanted to play and the older boy shoved him from the chair. My son roared like a lion and I could see his fists forming from 15 feet away… I quickly yelled “J, don’t even do that”… then said excuse me to my friend, and walked over quickly and quietly. I went to my son and said” I saw the boy shove you, baby, I’m sorry he did that” His demeaner changed and he became my happy three year old pretending and jumping, I was proud of myself for undrstanding his feelings… but I was also so happy that he was able to get past his sadness. I did learn this technique because of something you mentioned in another video about not being angry… I really appreciate your videos, very much.

    From a first time, newly made single mother, Tasha

  • My 2 year old smacks all the kids at childcare and honestly I have no idea what to do anymore, he literally just ignores me.and continues to smack everyone. I honestly feel like such a failure at times

  • My niece is 5 years old, severly autistic, non verbal, and only hits when she doesn’t get her way. Surely we all shouldn’t just give into this bad behavior? We are all just at a loss.

  • Ive been watching your videos all night. Its truly amazing what ypu have to offer thank you. Your lile the perfect ideal parent. I wish i could be this level headed. My daughter is two and has a hard time comunicating. She is behind on speaking so she lashes out often and can be hard to calm her down. I dont know how tp comunicate with my child who can not communicate back or understand.

  • I am a single mother. My 4 year old had a tantrum at the train station the other day. They hit me and kicked me as hard as they could many times and bruised my legs. I told them to stop but they didn’t. Many people were looking. They only calmed down when the trained arrived. I just blocked the hits and kicks which seemed to upset them more. I don’t know what to do to cope with this.

  • Love the way you address the development and brain connection. Sometimes we as parents assume (incorrectly) that our kid has the same ability to understand complex issues or regulate emotions that we have. Something you do really well in your videos is to re-connect with the reality of that child’s stage of development. Thanks for the contributions you’re making to conscious parenting! DrPaul

  • Thank you for this my now 20 month old started hitting about 2 months back and its getting worse I can see I’ve been dealing with it the wrong way

  • @Anon Unknown 55 that’s what I keep trying to tell people, that if they hit my nephew, it will only make him aggressive. They tell me it’s none of my business.

  • My friends son is 23, non-verbal, and he bites, punches and kicks her on a daily basis. He’s a big man and she’s a small woman. She has brain damage from the some of the hits she has taken. The refrigerator’s go quickly as he bashes his head into them and leaves dents. she’s padded all of the walls in the house and everything that she can, but he’ll wake up in the middle of the night and start doing it before she runs out to stop him and takes it instead of the refrigerator or walls. Or sometimes she’ll be sleeping and he will come in and just start attacking her. It just absolutely breaks my heart, for both him and for her. I don’t know how to help her, I don’t know what to do. I can’t even go around him because he will beat the crap out of me, he’s dangerous to himself and others. She will never put him in a home, I just fear for her so badly. She always has black eyes, her nose consistently bleeds from her brain damage. Her husband is an over-the-road truck driver so he is not home often. they pulled him out of school when he was sixteen because he was in a coma for five days after the teachers let him bash his head for 2 and 1/2 hours on the wall before calling them. No one will ever stick with him, like an aide or hired help. With him being dangerous I get it. But other than putting him into a care home, which will not ever happen, is there anything else she can do? It’s just her and him all day now. I guess I’m just looking for anything, anyway to help her. Bless everyone, I’ll keep y’all in my prayers, the fight you fight doesn’t go unnoticed.����

  • Everytime we have to leave the house, my toddler starts screaming and hitting me. I always approach everything calmy, but when I’m getting kicked in the face I dont know where to go from there. I leave the room so I can cry and try again… There has to be something else I can do…

  • Yeah great video
    i would like to add to this that “If it’s your child’s first or second or third hit, take it easy. The thing to do is to gently, calmly move his arm away from the person he’s hitting, so he can’t hit again. You can let him try.”

  • I remember bitting my aunt all the time when she picked my up. At first, it was cause I wanted my mom, not her. After that it was for attention cause I heard them to watch out, because I bite. I guess I wanted them to associate me to biting.

  • I’m a single mom with little to help., I have a two yr old and hes been hitting me… I know it’s my actions but I also thought it might be his dad’s house..but after watching this I realise it’s son is becoming so angry with me. ive put so many demands and limits on him, adding shame. I’m so scared he’ll become angry, I dont know where to start. Please help me.. I love my son so much and only want him happy..and dont wany to loose the bond, like my mother did with me. I stopped trusting my mom at the age of 7-8. Cause I didnt understand.

  • liked, subbed, here is the problem. thanks for sharing but you say keep a calm voice as if that is possible for everyone. let me elaborate… im a father of 3, ages 2, 2.5 and 7 months. when middle son hits oldest son, i have to scream whatever information to him over his own 110 decibel hysteria. doesnt matter how i simplify it or if the information is good or bad because he isnt hearing it

  • Thank you helpful! My daughter is 7 she’s starting to hit at me, usually when she can’t have her way. It’s scary, but I let her know she can’t do that and I hug her and says “ Mommie loves you ok.

  • What is my two boys 5 and 3.5 year old fight each other physically? If I just remove my younger child because he is lighter to lift then he will feel targeted versus his older brother

  • Growing up mexican my mom use to beat our asses if we fought against each other. Now i got my own son and he knows not to hit his only 3 but he love’s to fight but that’s my fault we love mma

  • Smack their hand as early as they can reach for something they’re not supposed to and say in a firm voice, “NO!” eventually you no longer even have to put your hands on them, “No” will have them listen, it’s hard in the beginning but pays off years later, by the time they are 2-3 years old it’s time to give them pops on the bottom stating, “No!” then you explain to them why you did it because of their behavior and explain why their behavior is unacceptable. 4 rolls around and the, “No” is now in full effect.

  • Btw it sounds like you think you have all the answers and are rather looking to give a lesson in child training and by the looks of you I’m thinking you have no experience in such things.

  • It’s just so hard to stay calm sometimes �� Nit meaning to hit back or something like that, but my voice and face can’t stay calm all the time. What should I do, it’s making me so sad that I fail at this over and over again

  • My son is nearly 5, and has a developmental delay. He has been kicked out of 3 preschools since August, and is already hitting at this new daycare. I’m doing what I can to be proactive to help but he ONLY ever hits at preschool, and never any other time. He possibly has autism and we’re working with it, but we’re running out of options to nip this issue in the bud and we can’t afford to have him get kicked out of another preschool. Running out of options.

  • omg how to do this; this typically is a problem when I’m exhausted and the toddler starts hitting… me; it’s hard to go from 1 to 5 in a calm manner imho; but good advice to try nevertheless

  • LOVE this! This was truly helpful as my little one has been doing SO much hitting these days, I love all the clear examples you gave! They’re definitely going to help,Thank you!!!!!

  • Hi, I hope you see this message, I have a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old grandsons, my 1 yr old plays nice and likes to share his toys and dosen’t hit, but my 2 yr old is terrible around otgers, he hits and dose not likes to share, what do you recommend me to do?
    And, yes am the one raising my 2 yr old.
    Thank you.

  • I think toddler are replication our behavior. I personally feel when I was in stresses I use to slap my kid if he was not listening. Then I realised that he is doing same…

    That’s why put ur mask first…
    Thank u soooo much.

  • Thank you very much for the wonderful teaching. It made me cry, I realized it’s me as a parent that needs to first learn how to handle my emotions, before my kid can.

  • Yes its so important to remember that our kids arent trying to make our lives harder. Such a struggle for me sometimes when im already having a rough day. Thanks for the tips monica!

  • I work as a behavior therapist. I had a first time eve incident today. My kiddo (16) was happy, responding and droning discrete trials. we were high fiving and she was smiling for her good work. On her last high five, in the blink of an eye, she grabbed my heads by the pony tail, pulled my head down to the floor, and fist hammered the back of my hand. She wouldn’t stop. It turned into a tantrum.

    I’m so confused because there was no antecedent, we were finishing discrete trials sessions and I was literally reinforcing her for her last question. We were done! And going to take a break, eat fruit. Etc.

    I can’t understand the function, I didn’t place a demand on her. She wasn’t angry.

    I also have never been hit that hard and that unguarded by a kiddo before.

    Totally demoralized today

  • Did any one try this and became successful. I thought to share my own experience. When I was 2 1/2 or 3 I hit my mum. The first day I hit her she punished me. And thats the only day I hit her. After that I didn’t even raised my hand against her because I knew I will be punished again.

  • How do I connect with a toddler who hasn’t started to talk yet? My son is 2.5 n doesnt communicate yet, he gets aggressive on occasion and hits his playschool teachers too.

  • I am going to try this. My son has been hitting my 2 year old daughter whenever she’s playing with his toys. I know he knows better, because we’ve talked about how hitting is bad and he immediately gets this ‘oh shit’ look on his face after he hits her. He knows he messed up. I usually pick up my daughter and comfort her first, and then I try and talk to my son after, but he still keeps doing it.

  • My toddler is 3 1/2 though. She’ll be 4 in February and she is very nice with other kids so far but with us at home she’s so rough. She is always wanting to play “bad guys” and this got her ramped up tonight and when we were done playing she was next to her dad as I got dinner cleaned up and she just bites daddy hard out of nowhere. Idk why she’s doing this but I can’t get her to get past this embarrassed feeling afterwards to say sorry. You can tell she gets embarrassed but she doesn’t truly seem regretful. How can I get her to understand that this hurts and is not okay? I’m just afraid that it will work it’s way into school somehow. She seems so sweet and shy at school but at home.. whew, watch out.

  • Finally! Someone that says that time out and punishment for this age is absolutely useless. They do not care about being time out they dont remember it next time they have a tantram, if anything if gets them more frustrated and angry. This advice is fantastic the best advice I have come across so far, I’m gonna try this starting tomorrow, I really hope it works. I have noticed my son likes to be made to feel empowered and listened to and when he feels helpless thats when he behaves like this.

  • Hello! I just subscribed. So glad to find your channel! My son is 12. Randomly he will just charge at his sister and hit or try and hit her. It’s more of a slap. At first it was when she showed emotion. Now it’s when she shows any emotion or sometimes not doing or saying anything at all. We are trying to show all of the attention to her after he does it. Not sure how to react towards him. A time out results in him screaming and falling to the ground. He says he’s sorry immediately after hitting and wants a hug. We are now saying we only give hugs for nice hands. Do you have any advice? ❤️ This behavior has escalated since the virus and he will now be going back to his ABA program during the summer on Monday.

  • My 14month old son has been hitting scratching biting and grabbing my face since he was 11months or so I’m not sure why but it seems to always b when I tell him now or try and take him away from something but what makes it harder is hez not verbal he is only saying a few words but its not alot at all so he screams n squawks n hits me I don’t know how to deal with it I was hit as a child and u don’t want to hit him but his tantrums drill my brain coz he can go all day n I mean ALL day how do I deal with this as its also when in shops etc to and I’m a single mum so its jst me and my son so I can’t jst walk away or walk out n leave the shopping etc plz give me some tips

  • Hey, really liked your videos I’ve been through some today! Actually I’ve been told by my mom that when I don’t give my baby 2yo a proper time which he expects from me then he started to GE frustrated and annoying. Since I’m living in UAE there’s no big family only your own so here’s only me n and my husband here whether I’m my homeland there were so many people around my son he never hit me that time when I was there but when I came back he doesn’t like to. Me to go anywhere nor in kitchen to do some work not even allowe me to go to washroom.
    And he just wants me to get him play with him or give him my all. I tried so many things to let his attention on learning toys or names or some words but as he’s very hyper active Mashallah he doesn’t even listen to me really ��

  • My sister’s 3year old doesn’t hit, but he is a rough boy. Too rough for his little sister. She’s a year old. They love to play together, but how do we explain that she’s too small to play the way he’s used to?

  • Hi Mary what’s a difference from what you are And a behavior specialist And how would I ask for one. My son would come to me and do something to me if his father sets rules like he came down to the basement AMD throw my clean clothes all over the floor….

  • The first tip is very helpful. I have an almost 3 yr old little girl who sometimes takes out her frustration or anger on her 9 month old brother. As his mom, the fight or flight definitely kicks in. I have lightly slapped my daughter’s hand after she literally almost killed her brother. It’s so hard to stay calm when something like this happens. I was calm when I slapped her hand but I could tell it probably was not helpful. I apologized and explained I was afraid her brother had been very hurt and we were able to patch things up. I’ve told her before that sometimes we do things we dont want to do but we can ask forgiveness and try harder to do better next time. I know hitting to resolve hitting doesnt seem very productive but at the time I let my fear get the best of me. My son was fine but I showed my daughter that hitting is ok at times. I should have put my own mask on first. I am much calmer now than I was before though. It’s so scary to see a newborn in the hands of a jealous 2 yr old. Now I see they are a little more resilient than I thought, haha.

  • I am so depressed seeing my Beautiful Baby Girl hitting herself. It breaks my heart and hurts me to my soul. Nothing in life has ever hurt me as much as seeing my Angel do this to herself. I’ve tried so hard to stop it. From showing her the love I have for her, to being very stern with her. I feel so depressed and emotionally drained how this could be happening to the little person that means more to me than anything in this world. I can’t talk to my wife about it cause then I see her get so down cause she always tells me I’m “her Rock”. My parents are gone, wish my mom was here so I could talk to her, she would always be there for me no matter what and never would tell anyone what I confided in her. Nothing hurts more than watching your child suffer.

  • Thank you for this…. I will be watching this video every month from now on. It’s a helpful reminder as a parent, especially when we go on auto pilot.

  • Can I share with you how my mom handled it when a child threatened to hit her? She said “Oh, honey you better not. See, I have this medical condition and if a child hits me, my hand hits right back. Really hard. I can’t help it”. Boy, that kid backed right up. This was many years ago and the way things are now an adult probably couldn’t say that. But I thought it was brilliant Sometimes the only thing that works is for a kid to hit the WRONG PERSON. It’s amazing how effective that can be..

  • I can show you proofs of people who have testify cured totally and I can send your their phone numbers to reach them. I have cured so many children and adults with the help of my herbal medicines. You can contact me now if you need any help [email protected] and [email protected] WhatsApp number is +2348102558553….

  • She talks too much two year old is not going to listen to you ramble on about how it’s not okay to hit you catch their handmade swing say Do not hit in a low tone pause for 10 seconds then redirect

  • Wonderful videos! My son is 4 years old and a late talker. He’s been in the same school/daycare since he was 4 mths old and in speech therapy. He has been increasingly getting better, but still a lot of jargon. Thank you for your videos! Very informative.

  • How do you handle a conversation with a parent who’s child (older Boy toddler) pushes my younger toddler (girl)? It’s my brother in law’s lady, and I’ve witnessed the boy push my daughter or hit my other son, and the mom just laughs and says no. How would you handle it?

  • Sometimes stern and firm is necessary. Especially if kids misbehave knowing that I have plenty of young cousins that are like nieces and nephews that are first cousins kids. First cousins are like brothers and sisters. Especially in my family. Children especially the boys in my family are mishievious or rumbuchus. More than the girls. At most times they’re called little rascals or rascals even though they’re not in trouble.

  • MY 2 YEAR OLD HITS ALL THE TIME. no frustration or anger. wakes up, walks around the house and slaps me, his dad, his aunt that lives with us, the dog etc. no triggers. i get on his level and say “no hitting” i get nothing. he just walks away. a solid year and 1 month of this. how does empathy help? idk what he’s feeling. he isnt showing any emotion except enjoyment. i’ve tried ignoring him and not giving him a reaction. he’ll continue to hit until i’m bruised

  • I have a 21 month old who communicates only with 5-6 words usually and points when he wants things. When he sees other children, his initial response is to hit them over and over. How do you handle the situation if they are too young to understand or communicate?

  • Dr Paul,
    I can’t describe or express with the written or spoken word the impact you’ve made on me and my wife since we found your videos.. You’ve made a world of a difference to me as a father of 4 kids under 6. A set of 10 month old twins are in there.

    I so appreciate your advice and kind manner as you present these principles. You’re blessed and gifted and I wish we lived in Orem. Instead we are Santa Clarita’its. In California. I have a very sensitive topic I’d love a video about. Grand parents vs grandchildren the appropriate relationship they should have, and How to handle conflicts between kids and grandparents. After my wife’s father passed away my mother-in-law moved into a room in our home and Lives with us 90% of the time. Her being there means there is tension from time to time and in some cases frequent tension. She has the desire to want to discipline my children yet it’s not her position to do that. It creates Very bad feelings from time to time with my 6 year-old And it’s difficult to repair. Would it be too much to ask if you could impart some of your God-given talent and wisdom on this subject? Thank you so much


  • My heart breaks for all going through this. It seems like the options are patience of a saint or giving them what they want. My nephew is like this and his mother’s answer is HOURS AND HOURS of multiple devices at once. Watching him use them all is like watching a person take speed. It hyper stimulates him and he literally bounces off the wall. Take it away and tantrum/meltdown ensues. I think the technology is very dangerous and alters the chemistry in the brain

  • Thank you so much! I’m a first-time mom with no one to help. My toddler keeps hitting me. I would give him time out, but it only helps for a short while. I would tell him hands are not for hitting and it hurts when he hits. Now I see what I have to do. God bless you!

  • It’s easy to say “take care of you” now but tough to do in the moment. Great in theory, but in practice it’s not so easy and what about when Dad and Mom have different approaches or there is no consistency there because the parents can’t agree? How to deal with that mess?

  • My teenagers hits me and shut down won’t talk when I tell him what to do. Like cleaning,answering to me or even take a shower.. I don’t like that he hit me he’s 14 and taller than me.

  • I need help. My soon to be 5 year old got written up at preschool today for hitting and calling the teacher stupid. I’m blown away. He is a very sweet boy but does have tantrums and if pushed too much he does hit. I’ve told the teacher that when he acts up and throws a tantrum at home I tell him “I don’t like the way your acting so go to your room and count to 20 and come out when your calm “ and I leave him alone. He then comes out calmly and apologizes to me. I guess at school she removes him from the situation by picking him up and at that point and time he gets angrier and hits her. I need to get to the bottom of this and change things around. We have already gotten threatened with getting kicked out of preschool. She wants a conference meeting ASAP. I need advice. Thank you in advance.

  • My 3-year-old daughter has always had and still has tantrum episodes every single day. It’s humiliating. Bedtime is so stressful EVERY DAY! And this is not the only time she is out of control. I have tried it all; routine, stories, positive reinforcement, games, etc., still, nothing works. We can’t figure it out…we would appreciate your input… I’m all ears!!! Thanks!!!

  • Unfortunately I learned nothing helpful. If I remove my child from hitting her infant sister, she screams. Sometimes she has absolutely no reason, not even one ridden with toddler logic. Just walking by, smacks her.

  • My son never hits any of his pre-school friends.He has beautiful temperament. He once bit a friend when turned 3 but that is about it. At home he is bright, has smarts and amazing verbal skills. But at daycare he seems increasingly to be fading into the background. In contrast his classmates are getting ever larger and ever more aggressive. Frankly I’d go for tips on how to get him to start hitting. Is that wrong?

  • My 3 year old hits his older sisters if i talk to them, sit next to them or hug them. He won’t allow me to show any love to anyone! Not even the dog ����‍♀️

  • thank you so much i really needed to hear this educational step by step video. My daughter is 21 month and I am getting so frustrated with her constant hitting and scratching I needed to watch your video to learn no coping and positive parenting techn..

  • hi mommy lori! i’m from the philippines and i’m learning so much from your videos! May God bless you for being so generous of your parenting expertise and pieces of advice!

  • Love that I came across your wonderful channel! New subscriber and I would love to hear a video on training parents mind to not hit or yell when that is all we know and all we were raised to do. I am in that situation right now. Thank you

  • Basically there was no helpful information.. only talked about assessing behavior.. my grandson started head butting us really hard or biting.. I was hoping to find some answers but all I got was subscribing to your Chanel.. He has been in ABA and schools for the past 4 and a half years (he is 7). Now with Covid and being home without his structured day is probably causing this behavior.. I was looking for some pointers on how to make sure this behavior doesn’t become something he will get used to doing.. He is pretty strong and I am afraid that trying to stop him by blocking him might hurt him and I definitely do not want to spank. him.. he will have no idea why he is being hurt.. He is pre verbal but he is very interactive and understands direction very well at all other times.

  • I work as a substitute teacher. One time I was called in and asked if I could be an instructional assitant for the day and I would still get paid as a substitute teacher (which obviously pays more). I was assigned specially to one student who kicked me twice and threw a toy at me. I was surprised that none of the adults (who actually had known him for months) said anything. They didn’t say anything at all. They didn’t even say no. I was about to ask them, “Is it illegal for you guys to say no?” I never went back to that school because I highly doubt it’s illegal to say no.

  • One of the children in my neighbours house is very aggressive He kicks other children unnecessarily. He will spit on the face of elders. He hits other children for no reason. How to control this type of child of 4yrs.

  • Superb video.. really useful.. am also posting Parenting vids in TAMIL based on TIBETAN wisodm. I am sure it will solve all ur Parenting challenges and give a unique postive PERSPECTIVES on Parenting problems.. so that ur Parenting becomes easier.. do chk out my channel: music and passion.. don’t miss it!!!

  • Can they grow out of it he gets frustrated when he is on I pad and can’t get to watch it a tantrum he lies down screaming falling knocking over his head crying and when I try to calm him gets worse

  • You are saying so calmly when you are uttering the word Calm too which definitely makes a difference in behavior after watching you.. will try my best to apply the idea as I used to lose my calmness so quickly to control my child’s anger which probably caused him more trouble…
    Thanks a lot Sir…

  • My son 2 n half year old when some kids come my home my son is hitting and punching and I fell so much embarrassment on that’s time plz give me some suggestions plz plz

  • My boy is two and a half, and loves to hug sometimes too aggressively other kids, boys and girls both younger and older. By too aggressive I mean he hugs around the neck almost chocking the other child. My wife does a great job of explaining to him that the other is afraid and to shake hands instead of a big hug. He is also entering the hitting stage but he mostly hits when play or excited not out of anger.

  • My kid don’t hit at home but he hitting kids at kindergarten. They are calling me every day to report it, but I just don’t know what to do anymore:( I try talking, playing with tedy bears who hits other dolls, punishments… Just nothing doesn’t work. He’s 6.

  • My baby has been hitting me since he was 6 months. I have never hit him, and he is 11 months now. I’m fed up with it honestly. I can stay calm from here until the cows come home, I can speak to him in an upbeat tone and still give him hugs and kisses during the hitting… it doesn’t make a difference. He hits when he is happy, he hits when he is sad, he hits when he is angry. I get boxed in the face constantly. I’m tired. I already have post partum depression. I already have a chronic illness. I already am a full time parent with little help, and very minimal money. This is the last thing I need. He’s not even a toddler yet

  • I’m not so sure visualizing fighting in kids shows necessarily results in the child mirroring that behavior. This has been a common misconception that’s often suggested as a cause of bad behavior.

    Kids shows today are significantly less violent than they used to be. I think you nailed many of the other causes however.

  • My daughter will be fine and nice and then looks at me and hits me in the face out of nowhere. She turns crazy after I tell her to stop. It makes me feel so awful. She doesn’t hit anyone else but me. I am not sure why. I think I am a pretty fair parent and when she hits I put her in time out. When I tell her not to hit, she kicks instead. She never started to do this until she went to daycare. Now she is biting her own arm, too, and she said she learned it at daycare. I know she is testing me but working full time and stress and now she’s acting up ONLY towards me I just don’t know what to do anymore. I miss my nice, sweet little girl.

  • My son was never like this until recently (he’s 4). He started hitting and running out of the classroom when he started pre-k (we don’t have an ASD diagnosis yet, but he has an IEP for speech). I am not sure that he is actually trying to be aggressive. It seems to be playful. Still inappropriate though obviously!

  • Anyone know if this is normal? My brother is HORRIBLE with my family (meaning me, my mom, and dad) but my sisters and brothers who have already moved out came today and he didn’t say a word to them and just hid behind my mom the whole time

  • Hi I am a preschool teacher and work with under three age group of children I would really like to help my student who has language and social development issues. Hitting is one of my big concern at the moment, I used to do the gentle hands approach but the hitting has become very intense. I want to protect other children from being hit and also use strategies for the child who is hitting.

  • Great tips! Little kids need to be taught how to handle their emotions and situations. We are also the key people to model the appropriate behaviors for them!

  • Thank you so much for the tips. I noticed one of my twins hit his brother every time we were in large groups. I assessed the trigger, and now I make sure he has some breaks from the group before he gets overwhelmed. That was the end of that behavior. Another tip: I modeled the responses I want them to learn, for example: if Miguel gets upset when Santiago tries to get his toy, I go to them and I talk as if I were Miguel, and I say something like: “Santiago, it’s my turn to play with the ball,” that way they start learning in context appropriate peer interaction.

  • You’re too complicated for the average parent. Assess, assess, & more assess after I have watched more than one of your videos. I would say this is great advice for the doctor or therapist who doesn’t live or interact with the child daily. But the parents have assessed till they are blue in the face.. sometimes the kid is just very reactive or overload sensitivity, or don’t look at me smack! So you are not giving any answers just to assess most of the time in both videos I have watchedokay we will sit back and assess and keep them in the pool if it doesn’t happen there

  • I came to this video because I just started working with 2 year olds at a daycare and this one boy has a major hitting problem. If another kid gets anywhere near him he gets this mischievous look in his eyes and hits them, sometimes even hitting them in the head with big toy trucks. I can tell that the usual response to this has been to yell and give him time out. I want to try a new approach and show some empathy but it’s hard because 1. Even when I try to get on his level and talk to him he doesn’t look at me or listen and 2. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries as a teaching assistant.:/

  • Another amazing video Monica! I must say that hitting is my worst fears for my future kids. Your tips def helps us moms and future moms how to better manage the situation. I’m so thankful for you. So much love ��

  • My brothers 8 and he Hits me kicks me and my 13 yr old sister I’m only 11 and he’s always kicking our mom and us also we are tell him stop It hurts nothing works ��

  • Let’s say, what they want is what I, the parent, said “no” to. I.e. Let’s say they hit me because they are angry that I took the knife away that they were excited to play with. How do I then “suggest a strategy”

  • Hello,, I want to ask you that is there any cure? Or therapy for child autism with development disability. He mostly hitting his elder brother and father and anoying too much screaming crying.

  • I don’t think we have to accept these as normal behaviors. My kids never did any of them, not once. There have to be consistent consequences to stop these behaviors because they are not acceptable. Watch the Supernanny videos to see how to use the naughty corner effectively.

  • Hello I have a personal concern about my 18 month old but I would like to ask you in a more private setting just because it does involve others and don’t feel it wouldn’t be appropriate to ask publicly is there an alternative way to ask you about my situation?

  • What you said about being a broken record actually makes a lot of sense now the way you put it. That is going to help me so much. Before, even thinking about that term was exhausting. Thank you for the video, look forward to trying the hands solution:)

  • My sister’s 2 and 1/2 doesn’t like looking people in d eye,turns away and likes to play by himself. Is this a problem? He hears but is yet to say any word.

  • Video starts out saying that it’s perfectly normal for an 8 to 18 month year old… My daughter is 5 months. AKA I’m in trouble… She thinks scratching faces is hilarious. She sure is cute though… When she’s not trying to injure me.

  • I have a hit a wall with my 26 month old with hitting, kicking with diaper changes and pulling my hair. Let’s just say this has been going on for 18 months and my temper has broken. Yesterday we were reading and spending time together and he turned around and open handed slapped me across the face. Hard. Today he ripped out a handful of hair while eating outside for a picnic. No exaggeration. I am trying so hard to get back to being happy with my son, but the behavior is making me not like being a mom or him very much. Boy oh boy have we tried everything including your suggestions-having him help, giving him choices etc. Saying I won’t let you hit me gets a laugh. Sometimes I have to straddle him to get a diaper on and yes, we do use pull ups when possible but that is not always the case. I cannot wait for potty training. I feel so broken and beat down figuratively and literally.

  • Thank you. I was raised with time outs and hitting as discipline. I hate the idea of having my daughter raised the same way, but when she hits I have to stop and tell myself to not hit back because it is what I am used to, it’s difficult sometimes, because it’s just first response.

    Thank you again, this gives me other options to deal with the hitting, pinching, and scratching. Now to get my parents, in laws, and husband on board.

  • hi Monica, Happy I found your channel, you are lovely! and I need help! My son Max is 2.5 years old. He destroys everything in our house. Every single paper that is left out, he rips. If his older sister is holding a piece of her art work in her hands, he grabs it and destroys it. We have explained so many times why this isn’t ok. We have tried to get him to focus on how he is making other people feel when he destroys things that we have worked hard on. Me and my daughter worked hard on creating a fairy garden for her toys. We told Max many times to play gently with it and to not break it. That we worked hard on it and would feel vey sad if he broke it. As soon as we turned our back, he went in and completely crushed all the furniture we made and ripped apart all the houses. When trying to get him to understand that destroying our things is not acceptable failed, we tried to be understanding. Told him we see that he likes to break and rip things, so we gave him blocks that he can build and destroy,and a basket filled with papers that he is allowed to rip. It has not solved the problem. I am feeling very lost. When he sees how upset we get when he breaks things, he comes over and kisses us and says sorry most of the time, but sometimes he laughs and runs away when we try to get down to his level and talk to him.and he keeps doing it. I dont want to resort to punishment, but I dont know what else to do. Any ideas?

  • plz help me. my elder son was very
    much obedient, calm at the age of his first 2 yrs. but after that I become pregnant. I couldn’t give him proper time. Now he is too much stuborn, always screaming, even hitting his lil bro sometimes. what can I do? only he acts very gently if he get anyone who is at his age.

  • I have so many questions. I’m a parent with a visual impairment as well as Aspergers and thanks to meditation I can curb impulses if I’m not completely overstimulated to the point that I can’t even calm down. If I can’t even calm down I walk away and breathe and then talk to him about it later, but my son hits me, his cousins, and his grandmother. And laughs about it. He’ll come up to his older cousin and just whack the snot out of him while they are playing in doing the game Rory wants to do. When he’s not getting his way with me, he grabs my glasses (the only way I see anything more than colors, and throws them to the ground. And what makes me saddest of all is he can be the sweetest child in the whole world… He helps mommy when she drops things, and they roll away or if they don’t make a sound, and stuff like that but then he can be a little monster, it’s to the point sometimes it frightens me. Because he does it to the animals too. I’ve tried being gentle with him but I can’t get him to stop acting wild long enough to even hear me. His grandmother used to be able to get him to stop because he knew he could go hide somewhere and be quiet to get away from her but even that doesn’t work now. Also, his grandmother keeps telling me to give him a small pop on the hand when he does these things, but One. I don’t like it, too, it only seems to fuel the problem, and three, logic tells me it would make it seem OK to him to hit because that was my reaction to the situation. He is highly intelligent for his age, and understands verbal instructions… Wow, because I can say a complicated sentence and he can understand it. I’ve told him to do three different things at once and he’ll go do them in the exact order (I was actually talking to his grandmother, but oh well:-) and I don’t understand if he’s just overstimulated when he does this or if he’s angry for some reason or if he’s just testing his boundaries. Usually, he only does it if somethings bothering him physically because he has a certain pattern of behavior when he’s cutting teeth that is basically been the same way since he was first starting to cut them but I’m very confused. My friend tells me that the reason he doesn’t respond is because I have no change of facial expression… but of course I don’t know how to read other people‘s expressions so I don’t know how to mirror them. He took training just to learn how to tell by voice, when I was a child myself the only reason I would respond is if adults got louder because I couldn’t read anything else. Having a child is taught me so much about how people communicate and it’s amazing, but it’s also confusing. I hope that made sense. But I guess my question is do you have any advice on what I could do because it’s like when he’s excited to play with them that’s when the behavior starts it’s like he can’t handle the feeling itself of the excitement. I just wish I knew what he’s trying to achieve by it because obviously people being upset with him is not it… ��

  • People tell me, “Don’t worry. The 1.5 year old will stop hitting at 3 years old”. So meanwhile the 3 yr old is supposed to wait for a year and a half for this nonsense to stop?!

  • Great tip.. but did u need to talk in that baby voice? I think we could all understand.. I would have watched the entire couple min..but hearing adult baby talk was as annoying as my toddler hitting.

  • DR PAUL HELP! I am 11 Years Old From London, England And My 4 Year Old Louie Has Been Hitting People In The Nursery and His Younger Brothers and they all Cry And The Nursery Provider Messaged Saying ‘Your Son Has been Hitting People And Most of them Have To be Sent home To Hospital Because Of Your Aggresive Louie, If He does it Again, He will have a Naughty Step at the Nursery, He has to improve’ And Im Really Dissapointed. PLEASE HELP

  • Hi I need your advice on my 3yr old son. I recently gave birth to my little girl and since i fell pregnant my sons behaviour has changed so much. He started throwing things at me when i was breastfeeding her and when i stopped eventually he stopped and was all good until she turned 7 months old as she is more lively and started to crew his has changed back and started to hit me and my husband and even pushes my baby takes everything of her and keeps saying its mine the bad thing is he started to push and hit kids at nursery as well. I dont know how to stop as he doesnt speak properly yet

  • Hi Nice to see your videos. Really useful. I would like to view videos for Autistic child 3 years old. Focusing n speach therapy. Thanks

  • No the best way when they are under 3 is to ignore their bad behaviour, only tell them off once, take them out of the situation, and ignore them until they have calmed down, then explain why they shouldn’t do what they did

  • My cousin hits everyone but what’s dangerous is he likes to hit people with things (controllers and toys). And he does it out of the blue and smiles about when he gets you. He also saw a clip from a show where a man hit his wife and he said “ I like him”. His mother does nothing about it and if he hits me they won’t tell him off,so when I do tell him they take his side. He’s only 6 but if they keep not addressing it I’m afraid when he becomes older he will be very violent.What should I tell him when he does hit me or others?

  • I have 2 nephews, both toddlers, and one hits the other. He doesn’t hit anyone else, only the other toddler. I want that behavior to stop!!!

  • Hi, good morning! I am Lynn, a Physical therapist from Philippines. May I know your email address? I want to discuss a case with you regarding one of my patients. Your opinion will be a great help for my treatment plan. Thank you!

  • I don’t know if you agree but when my toddler hits me I pretend to cry and then he starts to comfort me with his little hands saying “oooh oooh ooh” and I start to smile and the sad face disappears! I showed him this one time that if he’s nice I smile if he hurts me I cry and am upset! After that he doesn’t hits me anymore. And if he sees that someone got hurt he comforts them.
    Another thing is that I take his teddies and hug them, kiss them, and after seeing this one every time he takes the teddies he does it and he’s such a loving boy.
    He’s very obedient but he loves dangerous things like cables and so on I am still trying to figure out how to teach him that! Normally I just try to get him to pay attention in something else so he forget it for a while.

  • You are so sweet this videos help a lot. I work as a home care nurse and the atrocities I see is beyond crazy, some parents do not have any boundaries, they let a 2 year old rule! Am not even talking about my patients ( their siblings)
    I am watching videos on how to deal with a 4 year old biting, throwing my waters, and even trying to hurt my patient ( the sister). I try to be so patient and acknowledge his feelings, but lately I can’t even look at that child.

  • My 7 year old son tells his 20 month old sister no in such a sweet way and it’s just so cute how she reacts. She’ll do the cry tantrum if she doesn’t get her way and poor Steven feels he has to give in to his little sister. But we will have to change that a little ��

  • My son is 4 years old, and he continuously hits me and it’s almost like he’s in superhero mode and that he thinks I’m the villain? I’ve gathered this from what he says to me. Thank you for this video I’m going to try these techniques with him because I’m struggling to control this behaviour. He also hits me when he doesn’t want to cooperate and it’s so embarrassing when he does this in front of people

  • Hi Kayla, Wonderful videos! I am an SLP from India. Kindly provide me your email id as I would like to discuss one case with you and get your expert opinion. Thank you

  • My Daughter hit,pinch me and peer kids,hit herself and throw thing.very difficult to manage.How I will manage.she ruined my life,my career.

  • Thank you so much for these tips! Your video is very inspiring and very informative!! I can’t wait to implement these tips with our kids.

  • Have you ever heard about the Son-Rise program? I stumbled across it one day when I was having a nervous breakdown after a very trying day. I was feverishly searching YouTube for a video that was going to magically make all my troubles go away after I was done watching it. It sounds to good to be true. If you are familiar with it, I was hoping to hear your thoughts and opinions on the program and if I shouldn’t waste my time looking into it and move on and find something else.

  • My five year old son hits everyone, his parents, other kids, strangers at the supermarket, and he does it because its fun. He tells me this. Nothing is more fun than hitting someone. When I try to punish him he laughs about it. I don’t want to give him a phone or tablet but its the only thing that will take his attention and leave me to do the shopping or anything else. I do keep calm when it happens, but he will keep hitting until he gets a reaction from someone. Kids are great aren’t they.

  • Mam, my son is three, and his having lot of problem behaviour like hitting me or slapping me since the time the schools have closed and his therapy has stopped. What do I do?

  • The most amazing advice I’ve been given on dealing with my toddler. It’s completely opposite to what I’ve always thought I was supposed to do ���� I’m gona start NOW!!

  • thank you doctor for your precious advice. if i could add something is to take care of the kid who was hit before applying step 3

  • I know,what I am asking is not related to the video, but I can’t find this answer anywhere.
    Kids with autism,prefer to buble and watch them selves in the mirror?
    I have an 3 old boy, sometimes he is perfectly normal and sometimes I do notice some autistic behavior. Thank you, for your blogs and vlogs, I watch them with huge interest.

  • My little cousin was playing in my room a few days ago, and he apparently thought punching was a good idea, so he throws a right hook at my nose. Ever since then he hasn’t stopped.

  • Hello Dr Paul, I try to talk to my 3 year old son and set the limits before we get to a place where he will have to play with other children. I tell him not to hit anyone but play and enjoy the moment and if anything upsets him he should never hit but come to see me… He keeps doing it! And I talk to him again once we get home and it goes on when he’s around other kids again… I have to say it makes me feel quite ashamed although I don’t let it show, besides my son is very sweet and helpful at home… Is there something more I could do? Or something wrong I should stop?
    Thank you so much for your time

  • I like most of what you’re saying but this insistence on “professionals” is plainly wrong. Many of these people have lost any insight they may once have had. It was systematically removed by our broken education system. Which is basically about political correctness and indoctrination. The current crop of “professionals ” in almost any field is far less capable than their predecessors or even many persons outside their field. You however seem to have some valuable real world experience and some distance from academia. Please at least acknowledge that while professional advice can be helpful, it should always be regarded carefully and skeptically.

  • I have autism and I am 16 and I have really bad anger issues and I don’t know how to control that I don’t want to see a therapist or whatever

  • Now i m in belgium from 2016.And i have one more question or you can say complain that i was knew that my son have some problem from his age 1n half i consult with dr.but dr says its normal till he had an crises in front of nurse than they decide to take advice from nurologist or psychiatrist they advice me to give him risperdal and melatonine for slipping and calming but now its not helping just my family is suffering and as a mother i m loosing my all relation.thats all i hope u understand wat i want to say.

  • Another amazing video. So thankful I came across this because my third child is going through this stage. I haven’t really dealt with this with my first two. These tips are great and made me re evaluate my approach to the situations.

  • Tank you for your videos. I’m Norwegian, which means I’m extremely direct, but I’m trying to give constructive feedback:-p

    1. You talk way to much!:-P There’s nothing remotely related to the issue of hitting before the 2 minute mark. Nothing.

    2. Again, you talk to much!:-p actually, for me at least, the whole video was just a waste of time. I learnt nothing, and we got the diagnosis 2 days ago. The only thing that might be interesting was the 3 seconds it took to say “download my free 3 step guide”.

    Obviously you’re very knowledgeable, and I thank you for sharing your knowledge by all means, but I hope you’ll talk less and get more to the point in your videos 😉

    Best of luck, I’m off to download the guide 😉

  • My son seems to hit out at younger kids at Creche, he is having no emotional response like obvious anger or aggression when doing this if anything he is laughing…I’ve read this may be fear and he is laughing but not because he finds it funny??

  • Great tips! My toddler is this state of anger any tome she gets hurt or someone tells her “no,” she immediately hits or throws toys. Also, she’s teething so I noticed she randomly will pinch/ hit me because she’s in pain, I know now to ask if her gums hurt and she points to her mouth in frustration.

  • Sir,

    With all due respect, this is easier said than done, my toddler is 29 months old and he will hit at will.

    He will find kids who are younger than him and hit them.

    Please suggest.

  • My 2 and a half year old has suddenly started hitting everyone, her grandma other kids at playgroup etc. when I sit down and try to connect and ask her why did she hit she always says because I want to. I don’t know how to approach and address that.

  • My son is almost 2 years old and he goes to daycare where he either hits pushes bites or pinches the other children out of frustration. He also will hit himself. My son’s school director recommended I get a behaviorist just to help me? I don’t know what to do?

  • He says to say “i am not going to let you hit” to the child. It is more appropriate, because we don’t want to role model dominating behaviour but rather, co-operative behaviour, we say “Sammy, I’m sorry you got upset, I want to help you. Will you please keep your hands to yourself? Thank you. Please relax and let me help you, thank you darling. How can I help you? We don’t hit ok, thank you Sammy. I see you are feeling angry, its ok to feel angry. I can help you. I am listening, what do you need?” If the child is too young to explain why they are angry you have to guess and help them and provide consolation and solutions. This approach works 100% every time with children 10 months to 10 years old. Validate their feelings, offer help, explain how they can come to you for help instead of taking anger out. The focus in this situation is the OPPORTUNITY TO TEACH ABOUT HOW TO MANAGE FEELINGS. So be great example for your child. stay calm, trust that they will co-operate when you explain what is needed and request them politely to co-operate.

  • My son is 2 and my daughter is 5. My son hits my daughter. What can I tell my daughter to do when he comes after her? He’s not speaking or able to understand any consequences so I don’t bother with that. I usually redirect but I want my daughter to learn to stand her ground while remaining peaceful and non violent instead of running to me or crying and accepting the abuse. She usually cries and keeps getting hit and rarely comes to me. So what can I teach her?

  • I’ve noticed my daughter has gotten very aggressive with her cousin after her cousin constantly hitting her & taking her toys away. I feel like my daughter has built this fight about her when she knows her cousin is around as she never hits or fights other kids and is very kind & will share. But, once her cousin is near she builds this defense where she always has to be on high alert. It’s very frustrating because it’s causing her to cry more & even hit me. & this is behavior I have just recently seen since she has been able to spend more time around her cousin. Any advice to try to keep my child from continuing this aggressive behavior & walking away? I should add. My daughter is 2 & her cousin is 3. Also, her cousin gets no sort of discipline what so ever as she also hits adults & let’s just say… I won’t open that can of worms as to try to discipline a child that isn’t mine. I just would like my child to maintain her good behavior even when her cousin is around. Thank you. I’m desperate..

  • Hi my grandson is almost 4. And he use to play with toys. But don’t anymore. All he does is open close doors. And if you have baby locks on them he. Will ho and slap anything that makes a noise. Like fridge, stove,dishwasher, wall heaters. The whole time he is inside. She takes him out in a stroller. Because he runs away. And she has a 2 year old. And a other on the way. The two year is fine. No autism. But he starts to act like his older brother. And hits things
    Is there away to stop the older one with autism. From hitting things non stop. He does it non stop the whole time he is awake. His mom goes over and says no. But he keeps doing it
    Need help to stop this before school thanks

  • Thank you for this. My son is three and I just had another child, one month old now. My elder one isy sweetheart but has suddenly turned into a hitter/biter/thrower/scratcher! I love him and am shocked at how he changed. This vid made me feel a lot better. Though I’m still scared and sad, it feels good to have some tips to use

  • Great video! My 2yo I believe is jealous of her 11 month old brother as she is now biting. She knows she is “naughty” but says she doesn’t know why. Does this approach work for a toddler who is biting? What if she doesn’t tell me why she does it? Thank you for your advice!

  • child is 7 years old and sometimes doesn’t listen to anything when he doesn’t get what he wants or as simple as if I say he wouldn’t get a star if he doesn’t finish the work. he usually cries and leaves the place to show he is angry and sometimes hits siblings and parents or even teachers.
    please suggest how to handle?

  • 1. Put your own mask on first 2. Set a simple but a firm limit (not the time to have an intellectual conversation with your toddler, they are not processing it, they don’t have any comprehension of where you’re going with principals of what’s right…) 3. Present a calm adult that interacts with them (calm face, calm voice, calm body) 4. Address the strategy

  • Hi my 2 year old started daycare this week my sons is aggressive at daycare but at home its just him no other siblings just my husband and I he is the most sweetest boy when he is at home. I just need advice of how to deal with this behavior at daycare. Also he is delayed in speech. Love your videos very helpful.

  • OMG ��
    I’m a mom of 34mos and 13mos(both girls) and the elder tend to hit/bite her lil sister everytime. She always wants what her sister is having, like toys for instance. Even there’s a lot of toys that she’s playing already if she sees her lil sister playing with something she would usually grab it and if she couldn’t get it, she starts to hit or bite her.

  • My son has been hitting himself since he was 3 years old… He is now 26 and still doing it. I’ve begged through out his school life for him to have a behavioralist. Each time… His behavior isn’t bad. Each time it’s been noted regarding his hitting. Now, it’s really back fired on us. He hits himself in every mood… Good, bad, things he enjoys, things he don’t enjoy… Basically like stemming. My son is basically non verbal. He even started having seizures just 2 years ago. I’m just pissed that I feel he should have had help years ago when the behavior started. I’m pretty sure, 23 years later… That’s going to be hard to stop now.

  • Hi Mary! My 14 year old younger brother has autism and has recently gotten into the habit of hitting me every time he sees me. It’s come to the point where I can no longer be in any rooms with him. Any advice?

  • What abott aggressively rough playing that involves hitting and kicking and when I act hurt (or actually am), he thinks it’s funny and proceeds to laugh?

  • My daughter is 9 yrs old and is hitting on a regular basis, most of the time just to get a reaction, am I to late to start your protocol?

  • My 18 month old has become aggressive it seems almost randomly within the past month. He doesn’t get mad and hit, he just randomly hits things! Hitting The tv, throwing toys, & Dad got socked in the face last night and we knew we were in trouble LOL
    Thanks for the tips
    I’m very anti ‘spanking’ I hope it stops soon.

  • My child is 4 and iv been trying to explain pain to him and he has no concept of it to others, like for ex. He hits me and i tell him it hurts or try to show him he just screams at me.

  • My sister just turned 20 she’s non-verbal, has some sensory issues, is taller than me and my mother, and pretty strong. My mom and I take care of her, but she seems to be hitting and showing aggressive behavior more frequently, It’s become almost an everyday thing now. She usually hits with an open hand but sometimes the reason why she hits is so minimal. Recently it’s evolved into kicking or head butting. Even if I’m near her and I’ll just be lying on the couch, she’ll hit me because we haven’t unlocked the door to go outside yet. She’ll hit my mom if she doesn’t want to wash her dirty feet in the tub or if my mom brushes my sisters teeth and she didn’t want to, she once tried to hit me when I was slow to unlock the door to the house when we got home from errands. Our psychiatrist recommended anti-psychotic medicine, but it has a long list of negative side effects. It’s becoming really hard to handle; my mom is getting older and I’m going to be off to college soon and we both don’t know what to do. My mom read something that said not to react when these things happen and we try, but it is emotionally draining us.

  • I have a one-year-old boy he is starting now to hit and throw himself on the floor when he’s upset the other night he beat me up with the remote control busted my lip I need help ��

  • You mentioned shadow kits for hitting or biting. Where can I get more information about these shadow kits? I found the communication cards on your website and ordered them because I found them to be invaluable. But where can I get more info on impulse control you spoke of with hitting or biting?

  • Hello. My son is one and half. He has been hitting and slapping his friends and ripping toys out of their hands. I try taking toys away at playdates that they both fight over but my son by far is more frustrated than any 1 year old I have met. He has one friend that is 1 and is so nice and doesn’t hit. My son does shoe compassion by patting friends when they are crying sometimes. I hope I can get through this I am feeling so lost and he’s my first child. I’ve been so sad feeling embarrassed that other kids are acting better than him. My family tells me to put him in timeout and that doesn’t work for every kid.

  • Hi Dr. Barbera. I have a 16-year old non verbal severely autistic boy. He was tolerable 6 months ago. Suddenly last September he started hitting himself so hard on his forehead, hips & ankles. Hope to have private convo w/ you.

  • Hi mary. My brother just turned 5 and he has extreme hyperness problems. He pulls our hair,pinches us and kicks us, hard. He hurts us on a daily basis and also has speech delay and chooses to ignore us when we try to tell him that what he does is wrong. He listens to my parents for just 10 sec before he returns and starts torturing us again. He hasnt been diagnozed with autism but he is said to be really hyper. Any advice on how to reduce (or stop) this behaviour?

  • I need help. My soon to be 5 year old got written up at preschool today for hitting and calling the teacher stupid. I’m blown away. He is a very sweet boy but does have tantrums and if pushed too much he does hit. I’ve told the teacher that when he acts up and throws a tantrum at home I tell him “I don’t like the way your acting so go to your room and count to 20 and come out when your calm “ and I leave him alone. He then comes out calmly and apologizes to me. I guess at school she removes him from the situation by picking him up and at that point and time he gets angrier and hits her. I need to get to the bottom of this and change things around. We have already gotten threatened with getting kicked out of preschool. She wants a conference meeting ASAP. I need advice. Thank you in advance.

  • What about adults with autism? I work with a guy who is 31 and autistic and when he doesn’t get what he wants, when he wants he throws a hissy fit. I feel like his parents spoiled him and never taught him violence is not a way of self meditation.

  • To be honest, this was more theoretical rather than any practical methods. It’s very easy to say use empathy, acknowledge etccc but how does that translate in real life. Sometimes a child is testing their limits, and if your answer to hitting is more love and attention that might just propagate the problem. It’s ok for a parent to demonstrate firmness and strict limits especially when a behavior involves hurting others.

  • Hi Mary, thanks for uploading videos it really helps us to teach our child.

    My son is 2 years 9 months old and having ASD, he show tantrums while walking on streets and always asks to carry him after 2 min walk. Could you please guide us on this.

    Also he is having special interests in playing with plant leaves, onions and straw’s or similar objects.

    If possible create videos for these issues.