Grieving the Dying of My Sister

 

Grieving the Death of My Father

Video taken from the channel: Dita Carlita


 

Life After Loss: A Beautiful Glimpse of Sisters’ Grief | {THE AND} De-Ann & Marivic

Video taken from the channel: The Skin Deep


 

This is Complicated Grief | Kati Morton

Video taken from the channel: Kati Morton


 

What you lose when a sibling dies | The Impact of grief

Video taken from the channel: Care for the Family


 

The Death of a Sibling Takes Emotional and Physical Tolls

Video taken from the channel: Healthcare Triage


 

STORY TIME (AFTER MY SISTER DIED) + (PROCESS OF GRIEVING)

Video taken from the channel: LifeOfVaanaa


 

Understanding Sibling Loss & Grief, 3 Minute Therapy, Dr Christina Hibbert

Video taken from the channel: Dr. Christina Hibbert


Grief is hard. Unpredictable. Overwhelming.

Cathartic. Knock-you-down depressing. My sister, Marie Maddox, died of cancer on August 7. Her daughter, son-in-law, longtime companion and I were at her side in the emergency room when she died, holding her hands, kissing her cheeks and telling her we loved her, up until she took her last breath. Within four months, my other sister died. Both passed away unexpectedly after medical condition complications.

As Rostila and colleagues (2012) reported, there is. Grieving the Death of a Sibling is one of the most neglected types of grief. Grieving the Death of a Sibling One of the great losses in life is the death of a brother or sister, and many of us will face the loss of a sibling more than once. Yet this is one of the most neglected types of grief, especially in adulthood. The grief that comes with the loss of a sister will be unlike any other pain you’ve felt.

It will be very difficult to accept the reality of the loss, and it will be even more difficult to go through the pain of the loss. When you lose a sister, the pain of it can turn your whole world upside down. My sister died on Friday, April 10th 2020 after a long fight with breast cancer. She was 45. It hurts so bad inside, like my grief is trying to crawl out of me through my tears.

She was my half-sister, and we only met once in the 90s when I was a little girl. The loss of a family member is probably one of the hardest emotional experiences we ever have to endure. The death of a brother or sister comes with its own unique set of thoughts and feelings. It can be a confusing and distressing at times, no matter what your age. How is the best way to cope with such an event?

Loss of a Sister Quotes. Its a very painful time when we loss of a loved one. When a sibling loss or dies, the world changes in a heartbeat.

You may be feeling like there isn’t anything good or happy left in the world since your brother or sister died, and may be you don’t want to. “Weep Not For Me” reassures us that a beloved sister is at peace, and encourages us to dwell on her beautiful life, not on how she died. This funeral poem for sister is appropriate for all types of service, from a traditional and religious funeral, to a less formal celebration of life gathering. Weep Not For Me.

Whether your sibling was younger or older, whether the death was sudden or anticipated, whether you were very close to your sibling throughout your lives or experienced periods of separation, you are now grieving. To grieve is to experience thoughts and feelings of loss inside you. If you loved your sibling, you will grieve. Here are 40 sincere sympathy messages to give to someone who is grieving the loss of a sister. • Your family, as well as yourself, are in my heart and in my thoughts.

My sincere condolences on the passing of your Sister. • There’ll never be anyone quite like your sister.

List of related literature:

It is normal and natural to grieve.

“Encyclopedia of Trauma: An Interdisciplinary Guide” by Charles R. Figley
from Encyclopedia of Trauma: An Interdisciplinary Guide
by Charles R. Figley
SAGE Publications, 2012

Grief is natural, normal and to be expected.

“Acts of Faith: Meditations For People of Color” by Iyanla Vanzant
from Acts of Faith: Meditations For People of Color
by Iyanla Vanzant
Atria Books, 2001

Why grieve?

“On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss” by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, David Kessler
from On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss
by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, David Kessler
Scribner, 2005

While it is normal to grieve for months after losing a loved one, the severity of Sara’s depressive symptoms—especially the excessive guilt, low self-esteem, and social isolation—and her avoidance of thoughts, feelings, and reminders of the baby and the baby’s death, reflected an abnormal grief reaction.

“Clinical Handbook of Psychological Disorders, Fifth Edition: A Step-By-Step Treatment Manual” by David H. Barlow
from Clinical Handbook of Psychological Disorders, Fifth Edition: A Step-By-Step Treatment Manual
by David H. Barlow
Guilford Publications, 2014

Grief is normal and natural when we experience loss.

“Fundamentals of Crisis Counseling” by Geri Miller
from Fundamentals of Crisis Counseling
by Geri Miller
Wiley, 2011

Grief is a normal and natural response to loss.

“Therapist's Guide to Clinical Intervention: The 1-2-3's of Treatment Planning” by Sharon L. Johnson
from Therapist’s Guide to Clinical Intervention: The 1-2-3’s of Treatment Planning
by Sharon L. Johnson
Elsevier Science, 2003

It is normal to grieve over the lost of something or someone who was part of your life for a very long time.

“The Essential Guide to Crystals, Minerals and Stones” by Margaret Ann Lembo
from The Essential Guide to Crystals, Minerals and Stones
by Margaret Ann Lembo
Llewellyn Publications, 2013

Although it is normal to grieve after such a loss, grief can have negative effects on health.

“Essential Concepts for Healthy Living” by Sandra Alters, Wendy Schiff
from Essential Concepts for Healthy Living
by Sandra Alters, Wendy Schiff
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2009

It is important for the grieving person to understand that these feelings are a normal part of the grieving process and that measures can be taken to promote coping during these times.

“Fundamentals of Nursing E-Book: Active Learning for Collaborative Practice” by Barbara L Yoost, Lynne R Crawford
from Fundamentals of Nursing E-Book: Active Learning for Collaborative Practice
by Barbara L Yoost, Lynne R Crawford
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2019

Normal or uncomplicated grief is evidenced by feelings, behaviors,

“Clinical Nursing Skills and Techniques E-Book” by Anne Griffin Perry, Patricia Ann Potter, Wendy Ostendorf
from Clinical Nursing Skills and Techniques E-Book
by Anne Griffin Perry, Patricia Ann Potter, Wendy Ostendorf
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2017

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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111 comments

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  • You know what stops me from even attempting to grieve or to admit the pain I feel from loosing my 13 year old sister who committed suicide is I feel angry at myself for trying to have self pity

  • My Older Brother died in a car accident on December 6th, 2019.

    I miss him so much. I wish I could feel better with this time it’s been but it’s just getting harder and harder. I have thoughts of suicide every night now and I try so hard to ignore these for the sake of my mother and my other two living brothers. I wish this was easy.

  • I lost my older brother,he was only 20 in 1978 and my only sister who was only 23 in 1984. I had no support and am still grieving all these years later.,thankyou for this video. I should of grown old with my siblings,experienced so many things together. I see similarities in two of my grown up children,I find it comforting and painful.

  • my big sister passed of an overdose also it sucks a lot…what you said about the past and the future is so true i wanted her to watch me grow up i wanted her to see me get married and grow a family but now i’m just growing up without her searching youtube videos on how to get over this it just sucks so much

  • Hope this article helps too, love to you all
    https://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/awake-no3-2018-nov-dec/coping-with-grief-do-today/

  • I understand more of what I’ve been going through Sence listening to your video just now. I have talked with DR. That told me I was dealing with complicated grief but I didn’t understand it ���� I do now thanks to you!! Tyvm for explaining so well, it’s like you reached into my heart and mind and pulled all this out!!!

  • My younger sister passed away suddenly on May 16th of this year and I’ve been having the hardest time trying to work through the grief. She was 20 and I’m 23. I have an amazing support system and a big family but sometimes I feel trapped in my own mind. I can’t get her last moments out of my mind. It’s like I can’t control what my brain wants to think about. And some memories I completely shut out or shake away. But it doesn’t always work, and then I breakdown and feel like I can’t breath or that it will never stop.

  • This made me cry. It’s awful to know that people are suffering and mourning all over the world while others are wrapped up in petty things. Like they always say, live each day as if it’s your last and I think that goes as far as treat people as if it’s the last time you’ll see them. Thank you for reminding me of that and I hope you are able to find peace soon.

  • I can’t cope my mother died today she had COPD. I feel I could have saved her. I failed her. I can’t cope. I can’t sleep. I am frightened.

  • My sister just got admitted to the hospital (almost 2 days ago) as she tried to OD while my mom was at work and I was sleeping and called a hotline that convinced her to flush them and then they called my mom and I’m still sort of numb to it kinda in shock with not seeing her and I’ve just been hearing her laugh in the room next to me and I don’t know how to feel about it just I guess hasn’t hit me but I get to go see her tomorrow and I feel like it will hit me hard when I go to see her

  • Hmmm. Shame based. Also maybe, a situation where you were keeping someone away due to a grudge or inforced alienation, then that loved one dies or suicides and the loss is compounded by the awareness of all the time you wastes keeping them at arms length. And its too late. So grieving layers of regret too.

  • I’m 16 years old and I lost my baby sister 5 months ago. I wouldn’t wish this to anyone, not even to my worst enemy, experiences like this are the ones who change you completely and I don’t think that anyone who hasn’t been through this can really understand how horrible it is

  • I always think about you everyday, Kuya Ian. I miss you so much. I don’t know how to move forward in life right now that I’m alone and you are no longer with me. I’m just hoping that you are already in a place where there is no more pain and frustrations.

    I will forever cry. I will forever mourn. Til we meet again, Kuya Ian. ��

    1:05 am 10-Apr-2020

  • I lost my 14 year old brother 9 years ago to suicide, 4 months ago I lost my oldest brother he was in a car accident he was just 25 I miss my brothers ��

  • When caregivingbefore they die, you want the suffering to end and In that sense, when they die it can be relieving, but at the Same Time, if you were Really close and Loved them Dearly, it is still Agony…it’s like the Worst Hurt Imaginable, while also being a relief…

  • We buried my oldest sister yesterday. She died suddenly and very quickly. She was my best friend and all day I stop what I am doing and wish she could have lived longer. I feel she left way too soon.

  • I lost my mother when I was really young, I was 8. I wasn’t given an outlet to process it. I don’t think I was able to. I wad probably too young to process my way through the loss on my own, my guardian was offered counselling for me but turned it down. I really wish they’d accepted it. I couldn’t fully process the loss and changes on my own. It isn’t until the last few years that I have been able to start process losing my mum so young and it’s true impact on my life. I really miss her. I feel lost without her and I feel like I really need her. I like to listen to music that makes me feel close to her, I will jump on to any song that makes me feel like she is really there, beside me. I hate that she wasn’t here to see me finish school or go to college, I hate that she won’t be here to see me get married or have babies of my own. I kind of hate that my brothers got more time with her and she got to see both of them become adults, I hate that I never got to have a mother-daughter relationship with her like my friends and cousins got to have with their mothers. I am 24 now. Do you think all of this could be complicated grief?

  • You have done a wonderful job verbalizing the feelings that go through your body when you lose a parent. So sorry for your loss –

  • I lost my brother back in 2005 he was murdered and we never got it solved I am still struggling to this day and help in that area? I just lost my dad too almost two months ago and my step mom a little over a week ago. I need counseling to overwhelming.

  • Thank you for sharing this experience. As a parent who lost two sons to AIDS I can only tell you time has helped me to deal with the loss. Gradually you remember the good times more and more. You are right in living your life as a tribute to your Dad. From watching your videos I am sorry I never got to meet your Dad. Hang in there!

  • My sister just got admitted to the hospital (almost 2 days ago) as she tried to OD while my mom was at work and I was sleeping and called a hotline that convinced her to flush them and then they called my mom and I’m still sort of numb to it kinda in shock with not seeing her and I’ve just been hearing her laugh in the room next to me and I don’t know how to feel about it just I guess hasn’t hit me but I get to go see her tomorrow and I feel like it will hit me hard when I go to see her

  • I have lost 3 loved ones; a brother, an uncle, and my mother, over the course of 3 years. My brother died in April of 2015, the same month as his birthday. My uncle died in April of this year, and my mom just died today. My grandma has outlived her grandson and two of her three children, and she has had two strokes and a heart attack. I don’t know what to do right now.

  • Cancer took my little sister a couple of hours ago. It was horrible. She kicked and screamed to the bitter end. She was so afraid of dying. This was one time I couldn’t fix it for her. Her Last words were, “Help Me Please, Help me, Help Me. I can’t cry yet. It’s all still sinking in. She was 51, and i AM 56. I JUST KEEP PRAYING FOR HER SOUL TO BE AT PEACE NOW. I HAVE NURSED MANY PEOPLE THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE, BUT NEVER WAS IT LIKE THIS. I told my husband to never allow me to suffer like that. Sedate me. She couldn’t breath. We tried every thing to try and make her comfortable, but nothing worked. I wrote her a poem saying everything I needed to say before she crossed over. Told her how much I love her and what she means to me. Time will ease things I know. Our parents have been gone over 20 years now. I know the pain never leaves, but becomes bearable. I just have to stay strong. Thanks for your post here on Youtube, and for allowing me a place to bent some pain and sadness. God Bless

  • I was 20 when my 19 yr old brother had died in a road accident. He was my only sibling and it was so sudden and unexpected.
    A decade has passed, but I am still grieving his loss. I still cry myself to sleep often. I still weep secretly in the bathroom so that my husband doesn’t hear me. I still dread his birthdays and death anniversaries.
    My parents are aging now and to think that I might have to lose them too makes me want to kill myself first.

  • My little brother was truly my best friend. When he died, the world felt empty and i couldnt understand where he was. I needed to know he still existed in another dimension. Heaven, The Spirit World. I have been so close to death so many times in the past 4 years but I feel him there. Protecting me and guiding me. Im sober 30 days and even was sober thru Thanksgiving. First time in many many years. I want to honor Josiah and live better. It takes what it takes but I hope no one has to die from their loss. Hang in there everyone whos suffered the death of a sibling. Theres light out there. Seek it out.

  • This past December I suddenly and unexpectedly lost my 26 year old son. He was living in FL at the time with his best friend and his 2 and half year old son from a long term relationship that didn’t work out and she left him. It was the most devastating and painful feeling I have ever felt in my life! At first it seemed like I was handling the loss normally but then something changed. I was unable to get out of bed for days at a time. I felt lost and hopeless and all I wanted to do was to go be with my son. I stopped eating /drinking regularly. Life held no meaning to me anymore. My birthday was 2 days before Patrick’s death and we had video chatted for about an hour making plans for me to move down there to be closer to him and Ryan. I was happy and excited about my new future in FL! Then two nights later the police called to tell me my son was dead. I felt that not only had I just lost my son but I also felt like my entire future died with him. Three weeks later my stepfather died after being very ill for the past 2 years. A few weeks after that I suffered a stroke.I knew something was going on with me but I couldn’t figure out what it was besides my grief and depression. It actually was this video that caused me to call my PCP. She increased the dose of my anti-depressant which helped. I also went back to see my psychologist who I have been seeing on and off for 20 years. She confirmed it seened to her that I was suffering from complicated grief. That was just last week and I am scheduled for another session with her on Tuesday. So ty for making this video and alerting me that I may be suffering from complicated grief.

  • All of the things De-ann described admiring about her sister were things I saw in her throughout the whole interview. They’re both incredibly beautiful. I also love the gap.

  • I think I’m dealing with complicated grief my family had 3 murders within 4 months during this time we had 4 other deaths while at the same time my old man bike duck was cut durning surgery long story short he died within a year and half with liver failure right after his death my son got locked up for cruelty to children and I can’t see my 5 month old grandson and can lose my son to prison he out on ankle monitor but taking things out on me both of my kids during anger said I should have been the one to die plus I’m bipolar and my therapist want see me because I don’t have 150 dollars for missed appointment some time I wish it would have been me to die to

  • The part about “When you lose a sibling, you lose the past and future”… I lost my older sister 2 weeks ago. She was 17 years older than I am, and had helped to raise me, even treating me like her practice baby before my nephew was born. She’d had terminal cancer for some time, and had gone back and forth on recovery, but finally it was just too much. I went to her the last day she was alive, and held her hand, and prayed for her to be free from the pain she was in, unaware how soon the freedom would come… only hours. It still doesn’t feel real, even after helping with the memorial… I wish she could come back.

  • i lost my big sister 4 months ago. it hit me when you said you lose your past AND your future. I am bereft, cannot come to terms at all & very lost with her not here. Although we had a 10 year age gap, she called me her Twinnie. Same face. Now i have my elderly mum to care for. In the last 3 years I have lost my father, lost my home and possessions in a house fire, almost lost my mother to a heart attack, and now I have also lost my sisters family without her to act as the glue. My mother is 84 and I’m terrified of more loss. Its all been so tragic. I am chronically ill, I live alone with no family of my own, and I feel so alone. I found your snippet so comforting, so acknowledging of sibling loss. I have very little support.

  • I just lost my sister. Losing a contemporary adds another dimension that makes you face your own mortality because it’s someone of your age range and generation. This is an addition to all of the other issues so well enumerated by you. Thank you for the video.

  • I just started watching your channel…..I am so sorry. Grief is chaos and pain beyond description. The thing I found in grief is
    For a while, EVERYTHING seems petty and small compared to the absence of who has been ripped from your life! Thank you for sharing with us other people! Eventually the grief waves get further apart but, as you said it never goes away
    (until we get to Heaven..THEN finally…..no more tears!✨��)

  • I lost my brother July 3rd 2019. He was 25 years old �� sometimes I just can’t with the pain anymore. I miss him so much. RIP my brother 03/22/94-07/03/19

  • May Allah strengthen, heal and give you Sabrun my sister. My heart breaks for you. Allah hears your prayers, He knows and sees your pain and He will get you thru it with ease and Inshallah reunite you and your family with your sister in Jannah Ameen your in my prayers, stay strong and keep your head held high up and never give up. Your words have touched my soul, I can’t stop crying cos I feel your pain cos losing someone who was close to you hurts too much. Different type of pain. ❤️❤️❤️

  • A year on from my dads death I’ve found this video as I’ve been struggling I cared for my dads for ten years due to strokes he finally past last april 11th and he died of kidney failure and pneumonia I have a strong feeling of guilt I couldn’t prevent his death as I had before I feel selfish for feeling like this coz its wrecking my home life this video has helped me loads identifying a lot of points to work on and get help for thank you for doing this video

  • My youngest sibling of 7 years old had just died from an asthma attack, so unexpected and I don’t know what to do with myself. I live in the UK and summer has just started but my sibling is gone and I’m torn. I love you baby brother, R.I.P Semou ❤️

  • On Tuesday June 19, 2018, my beloved younger brother Christopher drowned in a creek while with his friends. He was only 17, I can’t put my feelings into words. I need help I need strength

  • It’s been two months since my sister passed way unexpectedly to a heart attacking her sleep, I find it best try not to think about that morning.

  • I lost my baby brother we were in the process of adopting him but the social workers found his mom �� I miss you so much Baba xxx it’s been 4 months my angel xxx we lost him on May 27 2018 and his birthday is May 13 ��

  • I lost my brother to an OD two years ago from today, I was only 12 years old, he was sixteen, he committed suicide on December 22nd. He goes home and downs a bottle of pills along with his the rest of his anti depressants.
    I never understood why he did it, but I did know my brother was in a lot of pain, and this kid did a good job at hiding his pain for a long time. And the only time we could see how he was hurting was when we found his body beside the couch just 3 days before Christmas.

  • May Allah grant your little sister highest rank of Jannatul firdous Ameen
    May Allah bless you and your family with patience and strength and peace and ease all of your pain Ameen
    This was emotional to watch ❤️

  • Thankyou for posting this, this was the video I was looking for this evening. Loss my Pa a few moths ago and my mum 13 years ago, when I was 23 both sudden. There was much I recognised in your account of grieving and my Dad was in a similar situation; suddenly in hospital, in an induced coma they thought he’d wake from, his wishes were known and we arranged the organ donation… anyway, rough day today…quite overwhelmed with all there is to sort out and the busyness somehow ignores he’s gone, others seem to move on so fast. I liked what you said about parents being like a piece of your soul. I am wishing you all the best, rituals help if you can manage them… like cooking something you made together.. reminds you you know them still, and know yourself though the universe has changed with your loss. Whatever he put out into the world is still having repurcussions. I love synchronicities that remind me of him and our connection, that’s part of how I cope. Thanks again sweet girl.

  • Babes I question my purpose in this life. Feels like Allah only put mehear for pain and losing. It is sad to see those such as you sister life to be cut short while mine is hear.

  • I lost my older brother about 10 years ago. One of the most difficult things about this is realizing that life moves on without him. Even my life. Things as small as a new show he would’ve really liked, or as big as my wedding coming up. Gosh I really miss him!

  • The best thing you can do you for your sister is do sadqa jariya. So she gets the reward and is peaceful insha’allah and make lots of Dua for her to make it easy for her You can do this by putting money on her behalf towards a mosque or give money towards a well in a place where people don’t have access to water and are less fortunate. Allah will make this grieving easy for you. Your right allah doesn’t burden a soul with things that they can’t handle..

  • Hey C, ive also lost m dad when I was 21. I coudnt deal with the pain so I just imagined he was on a buissness trip like he used to, just a very long one. I didnt really heal for a long time. kept crying and feeling miserable. Until more then 10 years later, he started to appear in my dreams. Very vivid and spoke to me about how this was not right and he wanted me to be happy etc.I explained how shit I missed him. After these dreams I felt completely different, at peace. It all made sense. And have been good since then. I just thought to share with you since you asked. Good luck to you.

  • Thank you so much for sharing your story I lost my grandmother 4 years ago and I still feel so hurt and I always feel so alone because no one understands and after a while I just felt silly I thought why am I still grieving her loss 4 years after but you really helped me so much, I cried through the whole video I finally felt like someone understood and I am sure you helped loads of other people, your sister would be so proud!! May God bless you and your family xx

  • My brother died at the begging of this year, he was only 19, he is 20 now, atleast in heaven, I wish I could text him one more time or travel to where he was just to hug him,

  • My brother went missing. Left and never came back. I dont have any closer. This heartache is real. I can see how people die of a broken heart.

  • so instead of talking about the toll the death of a sibling takes and how to manage grief, you come up with lists as to why someone who lost a sibling is destined to die, fail etc….. You are an abusive jerk… Evil and cruel really. Doesn’t really seem like a safe person for a person struggling with grief

  • It’s Friday, September 20, 2019
    I just lost my brother to a car crash. He just got his car yesterday. It was his dream car that he’d been saving up for for months. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you. I love you Marc Anthony Mack
    March 7, 1994-September 20, 2019

  • Lost my mum few years ago and it was hard. Good friend of mine told me that people say time is a great healer, but it’s not, you just cry less, and it’s so true.

  • I feel like this describes my situation completely. I have stuffed the pain down for so long I now have physical symptoms. I lose my vision, I hurt physically, I lose my speech, I go numb on half of my body, and get very confused. If it were not for my kids I would not get out of bed.

  • It has been 1 year since she passed. I have finally stopped calling her cell just to hear her voice. But damn it if I just want her back. There us so much we need to talk about. Julie I miss you so much my dear sweat baby sister! You made my whole life better and I feel blessed for every second of it.

  • Great discussion just also wanted to mention that you’ll probably want to correct your misspelling of the word trauma (you wrote truama) in the potential causes note that appears on the screen 😉

  • Lost my brother 14 years ago, I don’t remember him but my earliest memories was the night he died. I wonder if it’s because of repressed memory or simply decay due to getting older. It changed my dad permanently, he is depressed and doesn’t do much apart from work and watch tv. I have trouble connecting with others a lot and feel very lonely, got to keep going though because I can’t kill myself, could never do that to my parents after they lost one child already.

  • I think I ve gone through this one year ago. It was hard for me to deal with the grief, I was not capable to let it out and express is, maybe because of the reasons mentioned in this Video. In this time I went to a christian therapy and they probably didn’t knew how to help me to let it out, I didn’t even knew that something like “sabotaging” your own grief is possible. I am planing on leaving the church and the therapysts. although a long time has passed and I am much better, I feel like wanting to grief more and to deal with my sadness. Should I just leave the past or should I try to let it out, even if a long time has passed?

    I have a idea for a new video too. Maybe you could speak about the harm and danger of therapists who aren’t that Aware and good, maybe you could also talk about how to deal with them

  • Thank you so much! I lost my sister to an accidental drug overdose 10 months ago. My sister left her 6 months old baby behind. I feel like people expect me too be my ‘old’ happy self all the time. But I have changed and I am ok with that. Yet society isn’t

  • Kati, thank you for this video. I’ve finally reached out to someone to help me process various events in my life that have been compounding over the years and this video has finally put a few things into perspective for me regarding trauma and processing of grief and loss. I also work in hospice as a social worker where I have to educate families and clients about grief. This was beautifully explained. Love your videos, they are super helpful.

  • Thank you again, @TheSkinDeep, for allowing us this space to explore. I just ordered the Healing deck and I look forward to even more purposeful conversations. Sending the team my love and best intentions! ����

  • My mom passed away in February 2019 at 95. I have moments when I’m down in the dumps and have crying spells. My dad passed away in July 1995 at 85. I miss him too. But, I took care of my mom during the last 5 years of her life. I had home health care nurses and assistants, helping me out, which was a big help for me! I’m forever grateful that I’m retired and was able to spend a great deal of my quality time with my mom!! I’ll love her and miss her forever!!!������������������

  • I lost my elder brother in 16.9.2019.He was being treated in a rehab. He passed away in 16th September all of a sudden.He was 22year old year elder to me.But we were very close to each other.Will always miss you Dada.R.I.P.

  • I lost my twin sister to suicide almost 2 years ago. Its been hell. I wouldn’t wish this on no one. The pain is never ending. I’ve developed PTSD from her death. It haunts me every day. I miss her I just hope she is ok.

  • Sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you’re going through as it’s happened to me. It’s an old saying but it’s very true. Time is a great healer! Best of luck.

  • I lost my 19 year old brother when I was 10 years old in 1997. He passed away in a freak car accident that also involved my mother. Thankfully, she survived. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. We were inseparable.

  • My brother recently died at the age of 24. Nobody expected it. It’s rough because I was really close to my brother. He was like my dad, best friend, and my brother at the same time.

  • Give a copy of Qur’an to someone. Each time one reads from it, you gain.
    Donate a wheelchair to a hospital. Each time sick person uses it, you gain.
    Participate in building a masjid.
    Place watercooler in a public place.
    Plant a tree. You gain whenever a person or animal sits in its shade or eats from it.

  • I just lost my sister yesterday to suicide I’m only 13 so you will know how hard this is for me. My sister is a mom and we don’t know what to do with her daughter this is really hard for me to deal with i can’t stop thinking about her she was always there when she picked me up from school was babysitting me when my parents are at work and now she’s just gone. I miss her so much. ��

  • I found my step father dead yesterday, at first i was very emotional and now i feel nothing. I dont know whats happening but it doesnt feel right, i was very close to him so i should be a mess right?

  • I lost my baby bro a couple weeks ago. He was 49 and had schizophrenia. Smoked to the point of getting COPD and emphysema. He luckily passed in his sleep. Just glad that I didn’t watch him gasping for breath on a respirator. Smoking, drinking coffee and eating was what he lived for. Unfortunately it’s what killed him. I think that I’m just now coming out of shock. I know the 5 stages of grief. And that you can experience them simultaneously or go from anger to depression and back again. Healing thoughts and prayers to all. ��

  • Everyone is sharing their story, so I feel obliged to share amongst you all if that’s okay.

    I recently due to therapy discovered that I was living in a toxic household that has been negatively affecting me my entire life. I had a dog that was basically my everything. My comfort, my happiness, my peace. Whenever there was a fight, or an issue, I would go to him, and we would both be scared but we would be calm together, if that makes sense. He would even LITERALLY smile whenever I got home or spoke to him really sweetly. So long story short(er), he couldnt get up one day while being very old so we had to take him in. As I said, this dog meant SO much to me. But instead of being able to say goodbye and sit down next to him, I had to comfort my parents. My Mom was a mess, crying uncontrollably before we even got him to the vet. I was calm. I felt I needed to be for my dog and my parents. Once he had passed, it was right around the time of COVID breaking out worldwide and the USA was going to shut down and we weren’t sure if we would be able to get Chatter’s (my dog) ashes. I had to call the vet myself, which I have a hard time making calls already, ask them if I could still get him, and then when they said yes and I told my parents I was going to get him no matter what and if they wanted to come now was their chance, they both stayed home. So I went to pick up my sweetheart’s ashes with only my boyfriend. No family. No parents. I’m thankful for him of course but I needed more. Now, months later, and I’m crying daily. I now get that it’s because I felt forced into taking care of everything that was going on that I didnt get to really get MY time with MY dog. To say goodbye. And of course it’s all inflamed even more so because he was a DOG. So its REALLY hard to get it across to people how freaking insanely painful this is for me and I often feel judged or guilty FOR my pain. You’ve helped me realize ALL of this leading to me experiencing complicated grief. So thank you so much Kati. Thank you thank you thank you. I no longer can afford therapy so videos online are all that I have to go off of. I will work to heal this infected wound now that I have identified it.

  • My boyfriend passed accidentally, he was abusive sometimes not always. I don’t think I processed the abuse so now I’m so depressed missing him and feeling like I’ll never have answers to all the whys and the need to apologize that maybe it was my fault he was triggered and lashed out at me or projected on me from his childhood trauma and abuse.

  • I lost my older brother 4 days ago, I really don’t know what to do but all I know is that he is in a better place, and I know he’s watching me up there and taking care of all his loved ones. He died doing what he loved the most, riding his motorcycle, he would always say he loved riding it and he felt free like a bird, that was his passion. Today at 5 am he had a surgery to donate his organs, he donated his heart, kidneys and his liver, it means he saved 4 lifes and I can be happier. I love my brother so much but for now I feel destroyed, Lonely, lost and confused. All I want is to be with him, hug him and tell him how important and how much im going to miss him. I love you James Sotomayor Rest in peace and wait for me up there��❤️.

  • This was an odd one because on the one hand it was so personal and painful that it felt like I shouldn’t be watching. And then, it felt like I wasn’t watching that I was part of this very raw, very emotional and beautiful moment between two amazing souls. This was a great one you guys ❤️ so much love

  • The day my sister was born the worst nightmares I’d have in my childhood was that I’d lose her somehow, ever since puberty to adulthood I haven’t had them much, but now with this whole COVID-19 thing that’s going on the nightmares are coming back more commonly now and then, I can’t imagine life without her ever

  • I experienced the loss of both a brother and a sister.
    My sister died in 98 from a blood clot and my brother died last year in a motorcycle wreck.

  • Thank you for doing this and it’s refreshing to know Someone gets you…I lost my sister march forth of 2018 we were a year and two days apart her birthday was the day before Halloween mine is the day after halloween nov1. I struggle every day constantly crying I feel helpless and confused I don’t know how to help myself I’m scared. I’ve had a few major breakdowns harming myself ending up at a treatment center. I’ve had to get seventeen stitches on my hand for taking a knife to myself cut my legs open. Why my sister she had a beautiful soul and heart I honestly wish I could switch places take me instead ��������

  • If I’m selling health insurance I would wanna ask if you lost a sibling, so I can charge you more being that you are a bad risk…Go free market!!!

  • I just want to hug them both for like, 30 minutes. They deserve so much more. More happiness, more healing, more laughter, more peace, etc. They are truly so courageous in so many ways.

  • I lost my older brother when I was 6 years old. He was a victim of homicide. His killer was never found… There were people who witnessed his murder, but no one stepped up because they were all scared that the killer would go after them too…

  • I lost my little sister and only sibling 9/9/18. Nothing has been the same, she was my bestfriend, my soul mate, I related so much to this video. I feel so alone in my grief. Thank you for making this video I feel for once not so alone.

  • my older sister was murdered when I was 16.. Im now 18 it has been two years. I will & always will be heart broken. No matter what there will always be a hole in my heart.. My heart will always ache and I will always have a void to fill. When you lose your sibling its the most unimaginable pain you can go through.. I wouldn’t sleep or eat.. I hit depression hard.. I would stay up balling my eyes out.. I began treating alcohol as if it was my only friend as a way to cope.. This pain is something I will live with because of someones actions.. If anyone ever needs to talk I am always here to listen.. I know how it feels to feel alone.. Rest Easy Ruby Lopez #StopDomesticViolence..

  • I feel like a lot of people underestimate how devastating losing a sibling is. You have the expectation that they will always be there and you will grow up with them even after others are gone. I lost my brother a couple years back.

  • Never knew of this term until today.  My significant other passed away in 2001 thanks to cancer.  She was a school teacher with a master’s degree.   I’ve been alone ever since in the relationship department.  I still visit her grave 2-4 times a year.  But life goes on.  I have accumulated great things over the years.  I enjoy where I’m at.  I’m about to find major wealth when I submit a new idea for a patent.  I always have a lot of hope that things will always get better.  I work too much.  I run jobs that others have difficulty with.  Finding another person to love would be nice but I don’t really expect it to happen again.  Was on a dating site for more than 3 years and never found someone that could be matched with me.  God’s will I guess.  Maybe I have complicated grief or something similar.  I keep thinking sooner or later the right person for me will come along one day.  I used tto go out to the local bars just to hang out.  Play pool table games, etc.  There’s a lot of other people out there that are a lot worse off than me.  At least I’m not homeless or locked up somewhere.  Will keep my life going the way it is.  Could be better, and then things could be a lot worse.

  • My mum died aged 41 of cancer, I was a couple of weeks away from my 20th birthday. Although she had been ill for a while, you never think someone at that age can die.
    It was obviously horrible and very hard to deal will but honestly it does get easier and life gradually gets back to a new kind of normal.
    Keep your chin up Carly and try and not shut people out x

  • I lost my little sister four weeks ago. I completely understand the need for a barrier. Such as alcohol or other drugs. I try to stay away yet the urge is unbearable.

  • lost my brother february 27, 2012. He commited suicide, we were so close and he was only 15. I miss him more than words can explain. He helped raise me when my father left and was always the best role model. Helping me with my school work… and 3 years after he died, we got over 15 letter from colleges saying he got accepted and i remember just sitting at the door crying screaming at the papers saying “He’s not coming”… to make matters worse I was lied to about his death. Ive been in therapy since then. Ive gone to 6 different therapists in just 1 state and 5 other therapists in 2 others states (I moved).

  • I lost my mother in 2001 and was with my little sister at her bedside. I lost that same sister last June and I was with her too. I had a heart attack the following Jan. Perfectly healthy and blood work all good yet….? I will suffer her loss the rest of my life. Let’s just say my remaining sister and I are super close now. Be kind to each other, you never know.

  • My older brother died when I was 8. He was my best friend and I loved him so much so when he died my world was destroyed. Even though I was so young the shock and the pain was too much to bare and coping has been so hard. I never once thought we wouldn’t grow up together, that he wouldn’t always be apart of my life and I’ve had to adjust to his absense. Even now nearly 12 years later I still mourn for him. I’ll definitely be aware of the risks I may face in later years I don’t want to leave my little brother (born after my older brother’s death) and make him go through what I did.

    Thank you for highlighting the struggles and trauma sibling loss does to people. It really is difficult to live with.

  • I lost my only brother in 2013 to a drug overdose. It changed me forever. Sometimes it hits me as hard as it did the day that I learned of his death. He was only 27 when he passed, and yesterday would’ve been his 33rd birthday. His passing caused me such pain that I rarely even let myself wonder into that dark place within my own mind. His passing forced me to look at my own mortality, because he was the better of me in every single way. Thanks for posting this video.

  • I was an only child, so my understanding of siblings is limited, but I doubt sibling death affects girls more than boys. We have a habit of clearly defining which emotions are “appropriate” for which events, and then robbing one gender or the other of expressing those very feelings. With boys, it’s usually fear and sadness/grief; with girls, it’s usually confidence and anger. We’re sometimes so quick to stamp out boys’ sadness that they probably don’t communicate their feelings in a way that we recognize as deep grief.

  • This made me cry! So proud of you vana! Allah wanted her to be with him!! She would be so proud of you!! She’s watching over you and helping you through everything!! ❤️

  • I’m so grateful for this 20min, I’m grateful that this two beautiful sisters really let us in, in their most painful memories. I pray they get deep healing from this experience they openly shared with us. May all your prayers be heard and granted. Thank you Skin Deep for sharing this❤

  • My 21 year old younger brother passed away in a drowning accident on 11 Aug 2020. We were going through a very rough time some years back and he was always there to support me. He left me too soon. He was 5 years younger than i am but he always stood by me in all the rough patches of life. He was wise beyond his years. He was the one person who loved me beyond boundaries and barriers. He was my support in life and i hope he felt the same about me. I can never refill the hole that his loss has created in me but i wish and hope that he is in a better place.

  • My sister passed as a result of a negligent driver when I was 7, that was 17 years ago. Not a single day passes without me thinking of her, I never recieved any real therapy or was allowed to mourn, which is hard. Being unable to heal hurts.

  • I lost my older sister(49) three years ago this April. I walked into her house and found her dead on her couch with her little dog sitting on her lap. Anyway, I know about the forgotten mourner thing. At church, the morning after I found her, it was announced and everyone in my family was mentioned(except me). And I used to sit next to my sister every Sunday. At her memorial, I think maybe 5 people offered me their condolences. That would be 5 out of over 100 people who showed up. I remember being told that day to be strong and to take care of my mother. Nobody asked how I was feeling/doing. Nobody told me to take care of myself. Everyone just expected me to be strong and take care of my parents. It was like I didn’t matter. Like my feelings didn’t matter. Three years later, it still hurts my feelings. I feel so alone in my grief. Some days it hurts so much that I wish I could just go join my sister. I miss her so much.

  • My brother died 4 years ago. I love him so much:( I miss him so much, time doesn’t heal. I wish he was here so badly; I miss his face, voice, his humor, his presence, I miss sharing my life with him:( wish I could just hug him and make him stay… please come back:(

  • This video brought back memories when my father died in 2009. I missed the fact that I could never talk to him again as well. You might find it helpful talking to your doctor about how you feel so they can recommend counselling or antidepressants because your clearly still depressed about the situation.

  • What about in relation to lost parents at a young age? I know someone that lost their mother at 14, and less than a year later their father died right in front of them. They become much less emotive, even 10+ years later.

  • My uncle took it very hard when his younger brother (my father) died.

    My father kept giving us the impression that he was going to die soon starting around the time he reached the age his father died (about a month and a half shy of 58). He did out live his father by over 10 years.

    I don’t worry so much about death even though I was rear-ended while riding my bicycle. I was riding my bike and the next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital.

  • My brother committed suicide in 2008. I held him as he took his last breath.. I’ll never be the same. I no longer trust happiness. The pain never eases. and I’ll never forget him. ❤️

  • I lost my brother unexpectedly last week, he had only just turned 30, I myself am 28 so went threw everything in life together, he is my best friend, our relationship was so strong and I feel the grief will never pass, there has not been a single moment I havnt felt nothing but deep overwhelming pain since losing him, thankyou for sharing your own experiences with us, I’m so sorry for your lose or two siblings, they will never be forgotten and love in our hearts forever

  • This reminded me of my relationship with my first cousin, practically my sister, my “ate”. Whenever we’re together we cannot stop laughing and crying and we’ve gone through so much together. Right now quarantine is hard not seeing her. If you’re reading this ate I love you. I hope you watched the whole video lol.

  • Thank you so much for this. I lost my brother nearly 10 years ago. At the time I felt like the focus was so much on my sister in law and my parents that I was almost forgotten. It was horrific but I understood in a way. I just felt like people forget that this was my older brother who I had never known life without. I miss him every day and still dream about him a lot ❤️❤️❤️

  • My brother passed away march 30 2020… he was my best friend & protector ������ I will never be the same… I hope to see him again some day.. RIP eric

  • Thank you so much Kati Morton. These videos really help me I am going through so much loss at the moment. Again thank you so much. God bless all. ⭐️

  • I lost my twin 18 years ago due to SIDS and I haven’t been grieving since I don’t know why but tonight I was talking to my friend about it and I just started crying uncontrollably I don’t know why because I don’t remember him but I literally just cried for twenty minutes would that be considered complicated grief to or am I just losing it???

  • TW for suicide, eating disorders, self-injury, sibling death, and dysfunctional families. I’m sharing my story for the sake of giving an example of complicated grief (for which I am currently in therapy).
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    So, I’ll start off by apologizing because this will be a lot of info, but I do think my story is a perfect example of complicated grief. To start off, you’ll need to understand a bit about me, first. Throughout my life, my family has been extremely dysfunctional, manipulative, unemotional and unavailable, and ‘perfect’. Around age 9, I began to develop an eating disorder. At age 12, I was ready to die. By age 14, I’d begun using the eating disorder and self-injury as coping mechanisms for the ‘perfect family’ life I was supposed to be living. I got no validation from my parents, my brother was always ‘better’ than I was, and my issues compounded upon each other until I reached a point where at age 19 I was hospitalized. The year after I had to leave college because of my hospitalization and mental health problems, I reentered college and everything was looking up and my eating disorder, self-injury, and mental health were more under control and doing better (after lots and lots of therapy). Then, only 2 months into my freshman year of college, my brother committed suicide while my parents were attending my college recital, the week after Thanksgiving.

    When I heard the news, I went into shock. I didn’t react, I didn’t cry or scream or freak outI had no emotion whatsoever. It was almost as if the person I had been was immediately removed from my body and I was floating through time and space. I thought that I had to be the strong one for my family, the one who didn’t cry and the one who helped to plan everything. I thought that it was my fault my brother died because my parents were with me instead of with him. I thought it was my fault he committed suicide because he had never been given the same amount of attention that I had always been given regarding mental health. Everything that happened with his death was obviously my fault. Within one week of my brother’s death, I simultaneously got my life together on the outside and fell to pieces on the inside. My eating disorder returned, worse than it had ever been, and the self-injury was viciousI had gotten sooooo triggered by his death and no can only associate the suicide with my own mental health problems. I wanted to exchange places with him. I did not cry about my brother’s suicide until THREE MONTHS after it happened, and even then I did so alone, in my room, sobbing over my computer as I looked at his photo. After I cried once, I never did so again. I finished up college despite my seriously declining mental health and started my life afterward.

    It has been 7 years now since my brother committed suicide. I have not processed his death, what happened at his funeral, how my best friend stopped talking to me within 2 weeks after he died, how I feel about having to be the rock for my familyI have not processed any of it for the sake of maintaining that ‘perfect’ image of life that my parents are so incredibly proud of right now. In terms of complicated grief, it has been an extremely traumatic experience that is combined with my previously existing mental health conditions, the loss of my closest and dearest friend, and a great multitude of life changes. For me, my brother’s death is interwoven very tightly into my other mental health issues as well as the dysfunctional family dynamic that exists at home. I do not even want to hear my brother’s name, nor do I want to discuss him at all, ever, with my family. Thanksgiving and every other holiday is a nightmare, I am still struggling with the eating disorder and self-injury, and I have yet to let go of the facade of a ‘perfect’ family. Complicated grief…is my life.

    I know this was a lot to read and very sad, so if you’ve read this and found value in my example of the topic of the video then it was worth posting. Also, don’t worryI’m currently working through all of this (and more) with an excellent therapist.:)

  • This is really relevant to me. Thank you so much for posting! So much makes sense. I think I have issues of this kind related to my death anxiety.

  • It was 2015,he was only 23. He was shot by my sister baby daddy on his birthday. I’m 16 now and his son was a week from turning 3 now he is six. I’m broken, and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be around people. I’m afraid to trust. I cant Steven see my sister the same way. Cause she helped him escape. And now she is out of prison. And living with us. I always wanted to die before my siblings. R.i.p C.J