Feeling Sexually Harassed You are Not By Yourself

 

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Video taken from the channel: Meghan Bradley


 

How to Help with Sexual Harassment Help Your Girlfriend with Sexual Harassment or Assault

Video taken from the channel: Antonio Borrello


 

My Experience with Sexual Harassment

Video taken from the channel: itsnicoletiana


 

How to Talk to Your Family About Your Trauma (Sexual Assault, Abuse, PTSD, Etc.)

Video taken from the channel: Trauma Talk


 

5 Things to Say to Survivors of Trauma (Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence, Combat, And More.)

Video taken from the channel: Trauma Talk


 

Women Tell Us Why They Didn’t Report Their Sexual Assault

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What is Consent, Assault & Harassment? | Kati Morton

Video taken from the channel: Kati Morton


You’re Not Alone. THURSDAY, Dec. 14, 2017 (HealthDay News) Before the #MeToo movement and the fall of numerous powerful men accused of sexual harassment, researchers surveyed thousands of women. Feeling Sexually Harassed? You’re Not Alone Before the #MeToo movement and the fall of numerous powerful men accused of sexual harassment, researchers surveyed thousands of women and found the problem to be widespread.

Feeling Sexually Harassed? You’re Not Alone THURSDAY, Dec. 14, 2017 Before the #MeToo movement and the fall of numerous powerful men accused of sexual harassment, researchers surveyed thousands of women and found the problem to be widespread. You’re not alone by Serena Gordon, Healthday Reporter (HealthDay)—Before the #MeToo movement and the fall of numerous powerful men accused of sexual harassment. As harassment accusations have become increasingly public, some men have expressed concern about what’s considered OK and what’s not. “Lines are being drawn differently now,” Pryor said, “but if you have to ask yourself if you’re stepping over a line, you probably shouldn’t go there.” The survey was done from late January through early April 2017.

You’re Not Alone Piedmont HealthCare. THURSDAY, Dec. 14, 2017 (HealthDay News) — Before the #MeToo movement and the fall of numerous powerful men accused of sexual harassment, researchers surveyed thousands of women and found the problem to be widespread. The poll, conducted last winter by Harvard researchers, found those women most likely to report sexual harassment were young and college-educated. Feeling Sexually Harassed?

You’re Not Alone. Posted on December 18, 2017; that the best interpretation is that it shows that women who are younger are more likely to label their experiences as sexual harassment — not that they are more likely to have experienced sexual harassment,” said John Pryor, a professor of psychology at. Sexual harassment can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, shame, insecurity, and depression. Do NOT feel that you need to deal with it alone. Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual’s work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment.

Sexual harassment can make you feel betrayed, ashamed, and angry. It can affect how you feel physically. You may not sleep as well as usual, or you might lose your appetite.

That makes it especially important to care for your physical and mental health and find social support in healthy relationships.

List of related literature:

Is feeling uncomfortable the same as being sexually harassed?

“The Ethics of Teaching, 5th Edition” by Kenneth Strike, Jonas F. Soltis
from The Ethics of Teaching, 5th Edition
by Kenneth Strike, Jonas F. Soltis
Teachers College Press, 2015

Seek counseling and emotional support for yourself, and be supportive of anyone else who is being sexually harassed.

“Gender on Campus: Issues for College Women” by Sharon Gmelch, Marcie Heffernan Stoffer, Jody Lynn Yetzer
from Gender on Campus: Issues for College Women
by Sharon Gmelch, Marcie Heffernan Stoffer, Jody Lynn Yetzer
Rutgers University Press, 1998

Dealing with sexual harassment may be difficult, but ignoring sexual harassment does not make it go away.

“Handbook of Modern Hospital Safety” by William Charney
from Handbook of Modern Hospital Safety
by William Charney
Taylor & Francis, 1999

Support from people you trust can help you through the often trying process of resisting sexual harassment.

“Psychology and the Challenges of Life: Adjustment and Growth” by Jeffrey S. Nevid, Spencer A. Rathus
from Psychology and the Challenges of Life: Adjustment and Growth
by Jeffrey S. Nevid, Spencer A. Rathus
Wiley, 2016

When an employee feels that he or she is being sexually harassed the employee should report it to the supervisor or the office manager.

“Kinn's The Medical Assistant E-Book: An Applied Learning Approach” by Brigitte Niedzwiecki, Julie Pepper, P. Ann Weaver
from Kinn’s The Medical Assistant E-Book: An Applied Learning Approach
by Brigitte Niedzwiecki, Julie Pepper, P. Ann Weaver
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2019

The therapist used the somewhat ambiguous action word from the patient’s statement at the start of the hour, saying, “It’s uncomfortable, threatening when you’re aware of wanting me to touch you, then.”

“Psychiatry” by Allan Tasman, Jerald Kay, Jeffrey A. Lieberman, Michael B. First, Mario Maj
from Psychiatry
by Allan Tasman, Jerald Kay, et. al.
Wiley, 2011

Finally, a few women turned to therapists to deal with their feelings following a sexual harassment incident.

“Sexual Harassment of Women: Climate, Culture, and Consequences in Academic Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine” by National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, Policy and Global Affairs, Committee on Women in Science, Engineering, and Medicine, Committee on the Impacts of Sexual Harassment in Academia, Frazier F. Benya, Sheila E. Widnall, Paula A. Johnson
from Sexual Harassment of Women: Climate, Culture, and Consequences in Academic Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine
by National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, Policy and Global Affairs, et. al.
National Academies Press, 2018

Because of its location in intimacy, harassment that is sexual peculiarly leaves nothing between you and it: it begins in your family, your primary connections, those through which the self is developed.

“Only Words” by Catharine A. MacKinnon, Harvard University Press
from Only Words
by Catharine A. MacKinnon, Harvard University Press
Harvard University Press, 1993

If you feel like someone is sexually harassing you, you could either walk away or say that his/her comments or sexual attention are unwanted.

“Exploring the Dimensions of Human Sexuality” by Jerrold S. Greenberg, Clint E. Bruess, Sarah C. Conklin
from Exploring the Dimensions of Human Sexuality
by Jerrold S. Greenberg, Clint E. Bruess, Sarah C. Conklin
Jones and Bartlett Publishers, 2007

Creeped out as I occasionally was, I never felt like I was being sexually harassed.

“The Problem with Everything: My Journey Through the New Culture Wars” by Meghan Daum
from The Problem with Everything: My Journey Through the New Culture Wars
by Meghan Daum
Gallery Books, 2019

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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183 comments

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  • Thank you so much! My heart is broken for my dear friend who’s gone through something so painful. All l wanted to do was get their mind of off it by making them laugh etc. But now l know that they need someone to listen to them. That they might feel insignificant and that they are not safe now that they have opened up and that l might walk away. I have no intention of ever walking away. But l still have to say that I’m here, just for their reassurance. Thank you ��❤

  • All of this horror and misery is caused by people being attracted to each other. This is why asexuality is superior, and I do believe biofeedback could make more people that way. It would make streets and workplaces a lot safer if more men were, like me, asexual.

  • I don’t understand one thing. How come 2 drunk people can hook up, they both want it, but the next day one person says “I was so drunk I don’t even remember doing it, therefore you raped me”, but if you’re BOTH drunk, why should one person be blamed? Could I not use this as a defense for drunk driving? I was too drunk to make a logical choice to drive, therefore I’m not guilty. A drunken mistake is not the same as not giving consent and accusing someone of rape.

  • I was so confused for years on the repeated asking or pressuring for anything sexual as well since this has happened to me multiple times by men. I’ve been told by them and from thoughts that I was just being overdramatic and overthinking.
    I was trying to find confirmation that it was still rape even if I did eventually say yes under coercion. I told him no repeatedly until I felt that I didn’t have any choice anymore, so I finally gave in and did the sexual acts that he wished for me to do. I even acted as if I liked it to get it over with so he’d stop and it would finish sooner.
    But now, I’m so glad to know that it was rape and that I’m not plainly overthinking. The pain and trauma that I have experienced are valid. Thank you so much for explaining this. It has truly helped me understand.

  • Things like this make me so angry, because there are people in this world out here who think it’s okay to do these things to people. I know that a big thing for me when I become a parent, will be consent because I know, and I think everyone knows it does not feel nice to be touched if you don’t want it. I don’t understand why people would do that, if you wouldn’t want that done to you, why would you do it to someone else?

    Idk if this needs a TW… but here it is if it’s needed: ⚠️⚠️TW⚠️⚠️TW⚠️⚠️

    Like, I had this one “friend” who I wasn’t really that close with, but he always used to give me a little hug whenever he saw me. He was just friendly like that, so I didn’t really see the problem in it. But one time I let him sit with me in the bus (This was last year in 7th grade.) and he kept getting too close to me even when I asked him to move over. He kept hugging me, and it was just annoying to me, but I ignored it. But then, he put his hands on my chest and he kept digging his fingers in. I didn’t really know what to say, and I just ended up crying out “Hey!” To try and get him to stop. He acted confused, and it left me wondering if maybe I was being overdramatic. He scares me now, and for the rest of seventh grade I spent my time avoiding him and ignoring him in all the classes we have together. I feel bad for being so scared of him, and I still wonder if maybe I’m being over dramatic…

    I don’t know why anyone would touch anyone like that without consent, so I’m gonna teach my kids consent. I hope everyone else does too…

  • I was a victim of child on child sexual abuse from a family member. Hearing that they could have been abused to become curious in that way breaks my heart. I know they were a child, too and they didn’t know why they were doing what they were doing. I didn’t know why it was happening either. I hope they can heal whatever hurt they may have suffered. And I hope that for all of you as well who have suffered under the horribly traumatic experiences of sexual abuse and trauma.

  • If someone says they don’t wanna do it but then the person still does it cause they kinda feel bad if they say no. What is hat considered. Like if they try and convince you but not really directly tell you. But you can kind of tell

  • I have a question about your statement at 8:10. Let’s say hypothetically speaking that one of two adult parties does initiate sexual activities, then the initiator changes their mind and verbally says no or stop or whatever. If the 2nd party being told to stop does so immediately does that still constitute rape?

  • Okay let’s say that this number texts you and they text you n say all these things but they want only naked pics n let’s say that same number texts you again but that person wants the same thing n they say in there text messages that they will rape you because that want naked pics n that say that left you alone but they keep coming n texting the same thing what is that if so please message me back about this thank you

  • Thank you so much for talking about this! I just wanted to make sure I got this part right though. So say if a child teaches another child that sexual things like masturbation, oral sex and so on are normal and that friends do it, it IS considered abuse/harassment?

  • Is this pedophilia? My sister’s boyfriend who is 25 has known me since I was 11 and sexually assaulted me at 15 and 16. Is this worth reporting?

  • What is it if a guy just touches you but not in the private areas? Such as inner thigh or waist without consent. He also kept tempting me to kiss him when I really didn’t want to. We were on a date but I felt super uncomfortable.

  • I have a friend. Over many months, he has said things such as “hey gorgeous”, told me my lips look “cupid’s-bow-red”, says he missed my pretty face when I wasnt at a zoom call, one time he made a joke about my cherry. Context, I misheard him say “you cant take the cherry” he actually said “you cant take the chair.” He then said, “oh, I didn’t say you can take the cherry, I know you have a bf..”, hes also touched me without consent. Only in a benine place (coat collar, spine, taken my hands away from my covered, closed eyes). Hes been told more than once that i dint like it due to sexual abuse, but hes not stopped. His intentions weren’t sordid, but I haven’t processed my trauma so I still see touch as threat. Was i sexually harassed. Please please give me some feedback I’m broken by this.

  • Topics like this aren’t talked about that much so i think it’s great that people learn about Consent, Assualt, Harrassment, Rape etc,
    because this stuff is real.

  • My ex boyfriend said to me “you should’ve said something” well he should’ve asked before touching me! And just because I didn’t say no, I also didn’t say yes and I wasn’t given the opportunity to tell him I didn’t want to be touched, because he didn’t ask before doing so!

  • I just snuck out with my guy friend last night so we could buy candy and drinks and he kept grabbing my butt, and pulling me onto him, and grabbing my wrists, and trying to make me kiss him. He then told me that he was going to ‘fuck’ me and that he didn’t care if I wanted to or not. He didn’t rape me but is that sexual assault? I never said no and I just laughed everything off bc I was scared to say anything because I asked him to hang out with me and not the other way around. I’m really upset and idk what to do or if it’s even assault.

  • I’ve never told anyone, but my brother used to put his hands in my pants. It’s a memory I had wiped away for most of my life, until everything came crashing down last year when it came out that my dad was a sex addict (who is now bankrupt and homeless). I have a very complicated sexual relationship with my husband and it’s all starting to make sense. When he touches me, sometimes I feel like it’s my brothers hands. Yet, in my mind I think: you’re not broken ‘enough’. I tell myself that when I finally come clean with my therapist, they’re going to be like… ‘this is it, that’s all?’. But I can’t keep this to myself for much longer, I can feel it boiling inside of me. (I guess that’s why I’m writing this comment).

  • I had a teacher who would constantly rub my back, shoulders play with my hair and once held my hands together while I told him to get off. What would you consider that?

  • This shit, and what happened to Kobe, made me extremely apprehensive when I was younger. Girls would never tell you with their words. And I lost out a lot because I waited for THEM to say something verbally. But they hardly ever did. I was expected to know. And that is the problem.

  • I feel like my story isn’t valid compared to anyone else because someone forced a kiss on me and continued to touch my thighs. But I wasn’t raped I fell SO bad

  • would it be sexual harassment if someone (over text the entire time) makes sexual and romantic remarks towards you but you didnt tell him it made you extremely uncomfortable? but you also didnt give remarks back?

  • Sitting here balling my eyes out. Was trying to process my trauma from my childhood. I was 15….. I am 40… and still… Hold this pain so deeply. It has affected my entire life…my childrens lives…. my abusers…have no idea nor do they care. Thank you for being so brave to share and to write such a beautiful song for us all.

  • I was heavily intoxicated at a party and got sick. I went to the bathroom to shower and a guy at the party came in while I was in the shower and had sex with me. I didn’t say no and I didn’t say yes. I didn’t freeze I was drunk and didn’t know what to do in the moment. Was it rape?

  • Is there an age limit on the child on child? I was sexually manipulated and abused by someone who was 17 and I was 14. Technically they were a child like I was…

  • I was in class and this guy put his hand on my thigh. I was wearing ripped jeans and he was playing with the rips, I didn’t know how to respond or even know what think so I didn’t tell him to move his hand, I feel really confused but like I was violated. Does that count as harassment? Or am I just over reacting

  • Thank you for mentioning that not remembering it at all, since I really don’t. The only way I remember is through flashbacks and I still never fully remember. But the flashbacks are so vivid that it’s really difficult to get out of the panic attack as a whole, since the panic attack is both physical and emotional. I appreciate what you do here!

  • Two men in their 50’s took advantage of me when I was 18, I was depressed and lonely. I agreed to it but I knew it was the wrong choice. Was I raped?

  • What If to begin with you agree with it but afterwards you ask if you can stop and he says no, I didn’t scream, i acted normal towards him after it and I didn’t exactly say no, I even told my friends because I was trying to act like it was normal but then the next day I realised it wasn’t, I was drunk and he took me somewhere and at first I went along with it and then I decided during it I didn’t want it, I really don’t know I feel like it’s not rape because I acted normal after it, I was bruised and bleeding after it and it hurt so much and the days after I didn’t eat for days. Please someone tell me if it was rape

  • Regret is not a lack of consent. If a woman consents of her free will, including and especially if she initiates the sex, and regrets it later, that does not mean that she was raped. Regret does not equal a lack of consent.

  • I was hugged and dragged and kissed by a girl that clearly knew that i was gay i don’t know if it’s Sexual harassment etc but it still made me and everyone around us uncomfortable

  • Hi there Kati I was raped in the secondary school when I was only 12 years old in year 7 it was a horrible experience. It happened for 4 years

  • Thank you Kati. You’re an angel. This is a very insightful video and I think I’ll watch it a few more times. I’m a sexual abuse (from aunt) survivor and didn’t even realize until a week ago. It was a one-time incident and had only foggy of memory. It was very early in my childhood. My parents are toxic and they’re narcissistic and thought that my cPTSD is just results of it but there was more to it. Yes, it didn’t feel bad or abusive at the moment but now when I dig deeper into the situation, I see its abusive nature clearly.

  • Thank you for this video. This is such an important video. It’s hard to come to terms with and to even talk about, I was sexually harassed and I finally got the courage to report it.

  • Last month my girlfriend was working with her boss she lives in Peru i was on the phone with her and i can hear her boss trying Force himself as he try to kiss her and touch my girl. She ran into the bathroom lock her self in. I was so angry i had hang up the phone. But an hour later i try and try and try to call her back, the phone kept on ringing and ringing. When time went by it was 12 in the morning close to 1 o’clock in the morning she blows up my phone and i called her she was so hurt i can tell by her voice. I kept on asking her alot time did you and your boss had sex she kept on denying and she kept on telling me forget about what happened it already happened the situation?

    I need help why is she telling me that it already happened i don’t understand i still try to convince her to tell the truth everytime ask her she still denying it and starts crying and getting mad and tells me to forget about it?

    Anybody can give me advice please do i want to understand??

  • So Kati, just to be clear… when my husband has sex with me AFTER I have taken my prescribed sleep disorder medication, and I had no recollection of the event, or woke up in the middle of the event and did not have the ability to make him stop, is rape? BTW, this has only happened when he and I were fighting, when I would NEVER consent to be intimate with him at that time. I have woken up and been sore, or torn and had only a suspicion. Please help me, he says, “You are my wife, I can have sex with my wife!” Yet, I am medicated, I’m physically “injured” during these events and sometimes that is the ONLY indication it happened. He will say, “you were into it” when I have no recollection and then question him. It is such a violation and I feel “disrespected” by my own husband bc I feel he is taking ADVANTAGE OF ME WHILE I AM CLEARLY MEDICATED! It creates such a disgust, and distrust to me.

  • Does everyone get flashbacks?I remember it a lot but It never comes like a movie I end up trailing off in thoughts to remember him and what happened to me that I can eventually shut off but am I meant to get these movie types? Thank-you for helping me define what happened.

  • I have a question, well when I was younger this guy jerked off with me ( like he sat me on his pp with clothes on and started bouncing while saying we were going to play doctor) and he also tried to touch my privates multiple times but I said no, is that considered sexual harassement?

  • Barely 4 minutes in and this video helped so much TRIGGER WARNING

    I was 7 when it happened my cousin was 14 at the time, he touched me, I didn’t say yes or no I was very confused and just…let it happen, my sister was sleeping in the same room separate bed, and my mom walked in on time before anything bad could happen, he also made me touch him down there many times when my mom and I went over…

  • does touching count as harassment or assault. like legs, butt, or down there? also is harassment someone saying hey want to touch/kiss/have sex with you? and third is sending someone photos in underthings count as consent of any sort? what does asking for nudes fall under? and what about being pressured for nudes?

  • What should you do if you tried getting help but it was kind of not important to the person be because you were drinking? And what’s the age of consent? I was 16 and the guy was 21

  • I’m currently 13 years old.
    When I 9-10 there was a boy in my class who, every chance, everyday, all the time, would slap or pinch my butt.
    Over and over and over again no matter what. If was sitting on a chair with an open back, he would do it, if I was standing anywhere he would do it. The only way he would stop was if I was sitting on the ground against a wall and he physically couldn’t reach.

    And I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell anyone because I was embarrassed and didn’t know what was going on.

    I don’t forgive the guy and I never will, but a teacher did somehow found out and he was expelled.

    I’m past it but just wanted people to know that that was abuse and if anything like that happens to you TELL SOMEONE!

    My friend also had a similar situation except it was her breast and a group of boys who didn’t know better and thought it was a harmless joke.
    She also didn’t tell anyone.

    I know I’m only 13 and no ones gonna see it but I thought it would be said.

  • This guy and I were laying on a bed with this girl. She was very drunk, and she decided she wanted to have sex with us both. She was yelling, “Why not?”, but we turned her down. That hurt her feelings badly. I guess a few hurt feelings are a worthwhile price to pay in this situation.

  • such a great video, far more helpful than stuff I’ve read online. you’ve encouraged me to reach out to get help and made me fully understand things I wasn’t sure on before. thanks:)

  • This just made me realise I was sexually assaulted. I just assumed I was being dramatic about it but hearing the definition of consent really helps to stop me blaming myself. Thank you ❤️

  • Child on child sexual abuse has happened to me before. One of my friends was attracted to girls, and she used to make me take off my clothes. Obviously I wouldn’t allow it now, but we were 7 at the time. Is it too late to report??

  • thank you so much for this video. I got sexually assulted, and i froze, and ive beat myself up over it. thank you for helping me. <3

  • My boyfriend lied to me about doing something with a previous girlfriend and I told him that if he had previously done sexual acts, I would not want to do anything with him until I am fully comfortable (due to previous assault that I had experienced) and he told me that he had never done anything so I consented. After a few weeks of doing that, I found out that he lied to me and that he had in fact did do stuff to his previous girlfriend, knowing that I would’ve not consented if I’d known. Is that a form of assault?

  • She defines rape as ‘Sex when you’re incapable of consent’ and goes on to say if you’re silent and someone has sex with you it can still be classed as rape.
    I wonder if that’s realistic. On the one had you could say people are required to seek consent with their partners before having sex with them but I think that kills spontaneity and I don’t see why it’s impossible for someone to simply say when they don’t want something. I feel like it would be more beneficial to encourage, train and require people to be responsible for expressing their own feelings and wishes and make the law so that undesirable actions of others as a result of failing to do so are the ‘victims’ fault. My thinking is people are too different for it to be practical to predict when you should ask another person if they are ok with something, so that’s not a realistic and wise approach. If people always simply said when something was making them unhappy then there’s always that communication.

    Question is, is that unrealistic? What do you think?

  • Disliked. First you interrupt the video to tell people to subscribe and turn on notifications then you tell me “You don’t want to miss them” like you know better than I do what I want. Fucking ridiculous. Quit pushing this crap. People are smart enough to know if they want more similar content to press subscribe and stopping to tell them to do so is demeaning and selfish IMO. If providing psychological insight and education was your primary objective you wouldn’t interrupt that with self promotion of something obvious to everyone anyway. Please respond.

  • I was 12 when a 24 year old man groomed me into thinking it was what I wanted. It continued for months. For the last 6 years I’ve been telling everybody “nothing happened” cuz in my mind there was nothing wrong about it. Now, as an 18 year old I’ve realized what happened and how much it’s effected me but I can’t talk about it cuz I’ve been saying nothing happened for the last 6 years. Nobody really talks about grooming and how it can damage you just as much as these other scenarios.

  • Bless you, Jo. ������ I’m sorry you went through trauma and its aftermath. I’m so glad you’re using your own story to help others though. Thank you so much for this. You’re truly a safe person. You’re a great role model for all of us who have been victims of traumatizing situations. I love you so much! ✌����

  • I am constantly sexually harrased by a boy in my DT class but I’m afraid that if I talk to any of the teachers about it that it won’t be taken seriously or that they won’t believe me….

  • Beyond consent, there’s the whole additional depth of the things grooming does to a child (even a young teen child) who is sexually abused by an adult. If done “well” the child’s own agency is subverted so they actively participate in their own abuse. That’s what happened to me when I was 14-15 years old. It took me decades to even fully acknowledge to myself that it was abuse, that the 20-something year old woman and long-time family friend wasn’t simply my first “lover”. In truth, it took seeing my own children at that age through an adult’s eyes, seeing how young and immature and vulnerable they were, to really begin to see that younger version of myself through a less distorted lens. At the time, I believed to the core of my being this was what I had been longing for my whole life and I was utterly and completely devastated when she was done with me and ended it. I guess I was getting too old and “mature”. Or something else. Honestly, I have no clue what her motivations were for either starting or ending the process. But she took the grooming slowly and gradually built up both the emotional connection and physical contact over time, even getting me to “take the lead” (with plenty of helpful suggestions) at different points. Even at 53 it’s still a hurt I don’t know how to truly heal. Therapy has helped a lot, but the pain never fully leaves. It doesn’t control my life, but it’s always there. It’s not true that time heals all wounds. It also profoundly impacted my self-conception and self-understanding, my beliefs about relationships, and left me even more desperate than I had been for someone to love me. That had a profound impact on my next decade of life and by extension on the rest of it as well. I feel that abuse like that portion of the abuse I experienced is often minimized and dismissed. It wasn’t physically violent. It wasn’t “against my will”. People even characterize it as a positive. I’ve had people who do know about it (a very short list until recently) tell me they thought it was something I wanted. And that’s not precisely untrue, though what I truly wanted was to be wanted and loved. She took advantage of those deep longings. Those who groom children for sexual abuse tend to be very good at doing precisely that. In many ways, I would say this abuse was more damaging over the course of my life than being thrown across the kitchen when I was 3 and having my left femur severely broken. People see the latter as horrific, and I guess rightly so. For the most part, though, they don’t see the sort of sexual abuse I experienced as at least as bad.

  • I don’t know weather this sexual harassment I have had two incedinets both at school settings, one where my bum pitched and grabbed repeatedly despite moving away and saying no. The other happened at prom when I was 15 very nearly 16 he put his hands down my top in my top area Infront of all the people at the table in efforts to intimidate me.

  • When you said “women can rape women, men can rape men” I started crying because this whole time I’ve been telling myself “its not rape if we are both girls”

  • I really need help. From the ages 2-12 I was sexually assaulted by my dad. He never did anything “super serious” by he still did lots. He don’t doesn’t live with us any more, he moved out 8 months ago. I have no evidence and I don’t want to hurt my mom. Please tell me what I should do! Please

  • These are all tragic story’s. However given a situation where your both fucked up or whatever and she’s all over you, and then you guys fuck and she never said “no” or “stop”. And the next she regrets what she did and turns around a pull the rape card like would be the guys fault or her fault. Bc low key, I’m scared to get with a girl at the club or the bar for this purpose alone. Like I said these stories are horrible. I just want to know if in that situation I would be in the wrong as a man.

  • Almost all of these horrible things are because enough people have actually faked rape accusations

    Those people area disgusting, to accuse sometime of rape when you know they are innocent

    The only people it hurts are the accused that did nothing wrong, and actual rape victims

  • If these alleged assaults happened when
    the people were adults and they did not report them immediately and they were in the USA snd not some third world country that’s crazy!!! Because your body is sacred. I don’t care if you tell me your career would be in jeopardy or whatever.

  • Still thinking about it every day. I actually got assaulted twice. First time I was 16, three years later and still traumatized my best friend did it to me as well. Sucks to be me I guess.

  • I was sexually harassed on February 11,when I close my eyes I could just see him and what he did to me. Every night I cry myself to sleep most of the time I don’t sleep for days. It’s hard for me to keep going to school cause he did that to me during school and having to see him over and over again makes me remind myself what I could’ve done to stop what he did to me����. He was the only one who I trusted he was my best friend for a long time I thought I was able to trust him. It will be hard for be to trust anyone ever again��. When he was doing things to me some watched him do it to me without saying anything ��������

  • I haven’t told anyone this but I feel so terrible everyday that I wake up. The person who did me wrong has ruined my reputation and they have messed with me to the point that my coworker has agreed with him. Ppl have blamed me for it. Why did you do it? Idk if I’m even the victim. I just I feel like killing myself tbh. I can’t keep going to school and facing these ppl. I keep telling myself to stay strong but I’m hurt I’m in pain. It’s much worse that I reported it. I wish I didn’t because now they have ppl hating me cause of it.

  • I’m a survivor too,,,,I was raped when I was 14 at a park,,,and at 16 I was gang raped,,,,,,it stays with you forever,,,I’m 52,,and have complex Trauma,,,,

  • I didn’t hear one excuse that wasn’t pathetic.

    It is pretty clear why this video was made. They want men to believe their word, and thus believe men are guilty even if women choose not to report rape, drop the case or wait a decade to report it. They must think ‘everyone hates rapists so they’ll want to believe women as that will lead to more rapists being reported’. Guess what? There is nothing worse than an innocent person being punished. Nobody is falling for your tricks!

    I have a better idea. Instead of falsely accusing men of raping you why don’t you just go straight to the police? Let them find evidence. Don’t talk to a rape apologist / friend first and blame them for silencing you. Go to the police. Is that too difficult? Your friends might believe you more then.

  • July 19th I was raped by an ex at a park, I was under the influence of alcohol and I was unconscious. I woke up to him inside and on top of me. I literally cut my finger with breaking a bottle in order for him to take me home. He was arrested and in custody, while I went to the hospital to get evaluated. I told the police what I could remember and I called to press charges. I’m waiting for a court date.

  • I didn’t report mine because of embarrassment and feeling shameful. And because myself I was on drugs too. So it’s always that feeling what if I go thru with this and he walks and I just told a bunch of strangers the most degrading and shameful feeling I’ve ever felt… and he walks but that shit taunts me everyday especially when a loved one says you deserved it.

  • I was assaulted by my older female cousin when I was about 10 to this day not one of my friends or family knows about it but it always in the back of my mind I’m 16 now and Am still scared to tell people incase they think I’m lying or what even about it

  • I was sexually assaulted when I was 7 and he was 14. I told my mom but we never took any action. It also happend to my friend 2 times.

  • I really wouldn’t recommend to report here in Germany. If I recap I have to say the report left more damage than what actually happened. If you really consider reporting 100% without any external pressure please discuss your situation with a lawyer first. He/she has to be on your side and explain your rights, what questions you should answer in your interrogation and which you can pass. Try to be prepared because the way they ask can be confusing and intimidating.

  • I didn’t report the sexual assault because I was only 15. He told me that no one would believe me and that I would be arrested for “lying”. I didn’t understand back then that he was telling me a lie to save himself. I’m 21 now. I am a survivor. ❤

  • I didn’t report it because i thought it was my fault because i didn’t say “no” enough times and i had no proof it actually happened.

  • I feel like there should have been a man in the video, just to show that this can happen to anyone, because although it does happen to women more often than men, it doesn’t mean that it can happen to a man.

  • i didn’t report it because he was my boyfriend and i had no proof of what he did. i feel like it was my fault and i shouldve done more to stop it.

  • I was 7, this person was my so called cousin did it, he was 19. I went to the basement where they slept and I layed next to him and then my pants were down and he put his private part on my thigh and slapped it around and he said “did you feel it” it felt wrong so I ran off into my room. I didnt tell anyone.

    I ended up telling my mom when I was 11 and all she said was “he’s stupid stay away”

    I told my dad this year and all he said was “HES STUPID” then left it at that.

    On June 16th there was this thing were south sudanese girls come out and tell their stories and I came out then my brother found out.

    My brother and I weren’t on speaking terms because he beat me up months before. He texted me “I saw your tweet go tell dad” I said “I already did but he didn’t do anything”

    Long story short we had a meeting today about it (I’m 14 now) and my dad came to this conclusion after I said I wanted to take legal action, I just had a meeting with my parents and my dad said that jail is horrible and people get killed for sexual assault and why would I want that. My dad believes in these spiritual things where (my sexual abusers dad is my uncle on my moms side) he has the power to curse us when he’s mad that his son got locked up and my dad said that that curse is gonna go to you and your siblings and your luck is going to be gone and so are your siblings luck (it passes down) and we’re able to die on the spot. They talked me out of not reporting it and plus my older brother said “what good is that going to do you?” So I can’t report it and I’m trying to train myself not feel like I need to report it.
    Their plan is to talk with his parents, I told my parents I don’t want to see his face at all. Ever.

    I just want to heal and become a more happier person, I’m probably considering therapy since my brother suggested that.

  • I did report it because didn’t have proof. I was drugged and I did thing any one believe me. At times I thought it was fault. I know that it wasn’t.

  • I didn’t report because he was my boyfriend who dragged me into the corn field. He said he was sorry but that I led him on earlier that day. He said he loved me. I believed him. I was 21 and it’s been eight years since it happened.

  • I cant report him because i was 13 and I was drinking and doing lots of illegal stuff, and it was recently so i dont want the owners of the alcohol to get into shit with the cops

  • one example bad reaction(even if it’s mixed with “im sorry you went through that”): “you’re so dumb, you should go to the counseling center to see a therapist, but you didn’t” but being a survivor, it’s not easy for them to do immediately following the incident due to fear of mandated reporting reasons, thanks for the video about validation and empathy, which are key to talking to survivors

  • I didn’t report it because i thought i was over dramatic and i didn’t want to ruin his life. I have let other guys do what they want with me and get pictures from me and i just asumes it was another one of those time. I think about it now and realize maybe it wasn’t only that one time it’s happened. I’d look like a slut

  • MY SEXUAL ASSAULT DOESN’T COMPARE TO RAPE AND SOMEONE DOESN’T KNOW IT’S NOT JUST THE ASSAULTS IT’S BEING EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND MENTALLY ABUSED BY MY EXES TOO ON TOP OF MY ABANDONMENT ISSUES THE FACT THAT I THOUGHT I WASN’T CAPABLE OF BEING IN LOVING RELATIONSHIP I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO HURT ME NOT JUST ONE OR TWO NO ONE LISTENS TO ME

  • I was 13. I couldnt stop him, he was bigger than me. I told the teachers but they said boys will be boys and that was it. My friends laughed and said that it was funny and I shouldve been happy to of lost my virginity so early. I finally mentioned it to my science teacher who just stood up and hugged me, she was someone who cared and told my assistant principal who told my parents. Now I dont like anyone touching me. I’m only 14.

  • I was sexually assaulted by a friend from church. The pastor him self came to offer me money to shut up a few weeks later am pregnant today am married and I have this beautiful little girl bit inside I cry every time I see this act reaccuring in my head

  • I’m sorry…To anyone!!!.. Who did go through this!!!
    I hope you all find the strength to report on the people who did the rape.
    So what happened to you, may never happen to someone else!!!

  • I’m in a really weird, terrible situation right now. I reported someone for sexual assault, and now they’re using a person to go around sending messages to people I know. Or it’s him using someone else’s account. Apparently charges will be pressed against me according to this person. This person made up a whole story saying I invited a guy over to steal stuff out of my parents house and fuck him. That is so stupid. The guy didn’t care when I was in pain, and did things even though I said no. He knew I had surgery beforehand as well.

  • These women’s story’s are so powerful and really show how society really is. I don’t even know if I was raped and don’t know how to feel. I’m a minor, and I consented to this man because he made me feel so good about myself and I loved that I could make him feel good, I guess it boosted my ego. But now I know I was just an access of pleasure for him. I don’t know if my story even counts at this point and I don’t know who to talk to about it’s

  • I was molested this weekend by the person I opened up to about being sexually abused as a child (multiple times)….He did it as I fell asleep on the couch after a long day at work… we had a few drinks and I kind of knocked out from the exhaustion. I woke up as he was touching my breast. I confronted him and he made it sound like I wanted it and I was aware of the touching. Right now I just want to murder him. But I will wait for God’s justice. This guy acts ad if he didn’t have a DAUGHTER. And although I don’t wish that kid anything bad, I know Karma is a bitch and life tends to teach you how wrong you were through the people you “love” although honestly I don’t even think he cares about his own daughter

    I’m in my late 30s and this is the event that is making all the childhood episodes worse!!!

  • Find where your state is in passing the Child Victims Act…  A window may open up for you to file a claim against your rapist… https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5a120b962aeba581dd692cd4/t/5df11cad4ba53f72844f07e1/1576082609441/12.10+SOL+Summary.pdf

  • it has happened to me more then once i reported two.. one the didnt take me serious and the other i just got a protection order. the others i didnt bother whats the since they never listen. i guess it just be my fault it happens. i give up and i am sick of dealing with this stuff. i wish some one cared.

  • I reported it, and I’ll admit the investigation and the court hearings were probably as traumatizing as experiencing the rapes themselves. I don’t regret reporting it though. I know he’s going to do it again, but I now have closure that I did everything in power to stop him from hurting that other girl someday. No, he didn’t get the consequences he should’ve, but the judge and the detectives believed me, and from now on my life is my own. My happiness is not contingent on what happened to him and his future choices, and that gives me a lot of power.

  • I was sexually assaulted by my aunts friend that lived with us. He did this daily when I was 4 years old. I am currently 12 yrs old and I kept it a secret for 7 years because I thought it was my fault ������

  • I was 12 when a classmate sexually assaulted me in class. He would have done way worse to me but he slid his hand through the opening of the seat and grabbed me and the second time was last year he ran his hands up and down my legs even though I kept saying no and stop I tried to escape but he wrapped his arms around my legs so I wouldn’t get away and my best friend pushed him away and had to comfort me… I never reported it I hate myself for it and I thought who would believe a girl

  • Last night, I was hanging out with a friend and this girl I had just met. My friend offered us vodka to put in our slushies. I let him put in like 4-5 shots worth in, and the girl couldn’t finish hers, so she tipped it in mine (I let her cause I wanted the rest). So about 30 mins later, the alcohol hit me, and I was starting to stumble a little, and loose control of what I was saying (I’m a lightweight). We took the girl home, and my friend decided to pick me up and carry me.

    As we were walking, he started moving his hand around my butt and in between my legs. I didn’t tell him to stop cause I was about to pass out. Then we stopped in the middle of a sport field, he put me down, made me lay on him, and he started to touch me even more. I didn’t want him to, but I was so drunk and horny, I let him. He fingered me, and then took my shorts off and took advantage of me. I remember my arms just laying out either side of me because I didn’t have the strength or will to stop him. He wrapped his hand around my throat because he knew I had a choking kink, and in any other situation I would’ve been fine with it, but I almost passed out from him choking me.

    He then put my clothes back on, and walked me to a fast food restaurant. I went into the bathroom, sobered up a little, and walked back out pretending I wasn’t upset. He kept asking me if I was fine with it, if I was upset or not. I keep saying it was fine. He took me to the train station, and made sure I got home safe.

    Earlier while I was drinking tho, he kept touching both me and the girl on the thigh, which turned the both of us on. I kept telling him to “get his filthy hands of my wife” (cause the girl is so damn pretty).

    Yes, this did happen last night. No, I’m not gonna report him, and not because he told me to keep it between us, but because it’s in my nature not to hurt others, even at the expense of my own safety. I did say yes, but only because I was under the influence of alcohol. I didn’t want to have sex with him. I wanted to get home, and sleep. Or have sex with that girl, with her consent (sober, full understanding and enthusiasm).

    I’m fine now, a little bruised, but I know a break down will happen sooner or later. I just wanna get on with my life, and live it.

    (Also, the night before, I had a dream I was raped. The girl and I had a conversation about sexual assault. And I told another one of my friends, I wouldn’t care if I was raped. Guess what, it happened to me several hours later. I should’ve seen it coming ��)

  • The man I know ran away. Gave me the silent treatment as if I did something wrong then he left my life. He would not talk when I reached out. It’s been a hurtful and traumatizing experience.

  • I always wonder.. does he stop to think about her feelings? No.. after this.. I want to know what goes through their sick brains to make them think no means yes..

  • I wasn’t, but my cousin was. Of course he never finished in her, or when she was there. Basically she was over at her ex’s place to comfort him because his dad was in a car accident. They watched a movie together, then he started to kiss her. They weren’t completely over each other yet, so my cousin didn’t think much of it. She then asked to go to the basement and asked to see the fish in the fish tank. Then he somehow lead her to the bed. She never said yes to him and he did enter into her vag. Once she snapped back into reality and realized what was happening, she began to yell and fight him off but he was kinda forceful. Eventually he gave up and stopped. Know that he didn’t wear protection, so he could’ve gotten her pregnant. She’s never been the same since. She flinches everytime someone she doesn’t have a close bond with touches her. She’s told me and her close friends, but she can’t tell her parents. In our culture, when you lose your virginity to someone, you have to marry them. Regardless of age, consent, or if you know them at all. Her parents are very traditional so they would have her marry her ex who is toxic af imo. But she feels as if it’s her fault and I’m trying to prove her wrong but she doesn’t see it that way… how should I explain to her that it’s not her fault at all?

  • I was sexually assaulted as well, and it brings tears to my eyes that they feel like they are not important, but im here to say that everyone is important, no matter who you are❤ it hurts to see this still happening! Its fucken 2019, and i would think we have learned not to rape or sexually assault someone in any way wether it be a male or female!

  • If you didnt say no then stfu. If you didnt report it with in two weeks then stfu. That should be the law.growing up I seen way more than few silly hoes scream rape. Now with these statutory laws also. Poor girls acting like they were raped when they were just young. Cry me a river good riddance.

  • I wasn’t raped but i was touched in places a 15 year old girl didn’t want to be touched! He wanted to take me somewhere private to “talk” luckily i fought him off and a guy knew i needed help stepped in. I was touched and i froze, i was scared. I stayed quiet. Who would believe me, he was in a higher class than me. Worst part is people who were my so called friends, watched and let it happen. All they said was “hes drunk let him do that! Look at the way you’re dressed just let him.” They thought it was okay because he was drunk and what i wore that day. Worst part is he said i asked for it and i wanted it. I cried for days and weeks! I would see him at school and he would smile at me. It was like i relived that night. It started with that smile. My ex bf didn’t even care! When i texted him what had happened he was angry. The next day he didnt believe me. The first thing he asked, “what were you wearing at the party?” He brushed off what i had told him like if it was nothing. If i went with him who knows what could have happened to me! My current bf believes me and was so caring. He asks if its okay if can do that or even ask if its okay to put his arm around me. Idk if i consider myself a survivor but im happy i fought him off and got through all the pain. Men or women don’t deserve to be touched in ways they don’t want to be! Im sorry if have ever been through this and you are strong and brave.❤

  • 2:12
    Exactly what I thought I was in a school assembly and the schools biggest idiots were sitting behind me and this one kept trying to hug me and I kept shrugging it off because I didn’t want to face him and tell him to stop because I knew he wouldn’t listen so I sat like that for the first 10 minutes until a teacher caught him and made him stand next to her the whole time

  • I reported it. I’s so hard. You have to be strong and gain that power back. Rape cases are a long process. Mines been nearly 18 monthes and finally getting to the hardest part. Facing the man. Through the investigation process I have been homeless, in and out of shelters and havn’t seen home for over a year. People say move to another town. Why the hec should I.? As my case is drawing to hoping a closure I want to see justice, Not just for me but for other victims and like the ones I saw speaking on the vid and people commenting. So I say is it worthwhile reporting rape? it’s hard to say at the moment because I feel scared and lonely. Rape is where the Victim becomes the accused. The justice system has to change so it’s easier to face the accuser, and I believe it is getting easier. I got an IVO first and I was in a totally different location where my accused was. I cried because of memories but I had support and it was informal rather than a huge court stand. Now I just got to face this hurdle. It scares me to think will he go free? I am a survivior of rape and now a Voice for Women and Men (Yes it happens to men too) Love to all victims

  • I didn’t report my Head RA breaking into my on campus apartment and sexually assaulting me because my primary public education teachers all taught us that getting upset and when someone touches you without consent was being a drama queen and causing a commotion. That the correct thing to do if it bothered us was to put it out of my mind or just think about something else until “it” went away and then everything would be fine again.

  • I’m meeting with my counselor and a detective at 10am this morning. I’m making my report. It took almost 5 months for me to feel ready but honestly I don’t think I’ll ever feel ready. I’m terrified. I’m ashamed. I blame myself at times. Each moment I become stronger. The pain of going through it again by telling my story is near unbearable. I carry so much blame until I tell myself the story in my head as if I wasn’t the main character. I get one short paragraph into the book and the anger boils over. I feel numb and my thoughts shut down. What made him do it? Hunger for power over a war he knew he would win. He brought a gun to the knife fight and I was caught in the crossfire. He is angry at women from a past of hurt or rejection and I felt the flames of the fire that he started in his own head. He not only lacked concern for my well-being but completely disregarded my physical and vocal statements opposing his sexual advances. The only thing I deserved that night was a big glass of water and a blanket. Instead, I was grabbed at in the hallway after I used the restroom and sexually abused by two much older men who I naively thought were just two goofballs from the bar. I was in denial. I tried to pretend like it was a dumb drunk night and thought I’d forget about it in a day or two. I didn’t. My memory was flashing vividly of scenes I tried convincing myself weren’t real. He helped himself to aggressively touching me in the hallway which I undoubtedly resisted. I got to the bed and layed down near the other man I expected to show me respect while I slept soundly. I never imagined the loss of humanity and humiliation I’d be haunted with. I woke up to my pants being pulled off. I was near unconscious. I had no strength or energy. I thought the other man would stop it. I opened my eyes and he was looking right at me when he began touching my whole body. One man was behind me, inside me, and thrusting quickly as tried to grab the sheets and pull myself away. I found the energy to say no, I don’t want to, and stop. My tired and watery eyes begged the other man to help. He seemed almost as uncomfortable as I was at first but it didn’t take long for him to start pleasuring himself while he eased into the disgusting crime. Two penises penetrated me. Four hands rubbed all over my body. The memory I have of that night is scattered but the scenes I relive are vivid. It is undeniable that a crime not only occurred but was perfectly executed by two men that someone calls their dad, uncle, neighbor, or close family friend. I’m well aware that I may not get justice by law, but I feel justice by telling the story of the crime I never thought could happen to me.

  • I don’t understand. If someone Rapes you, or assaults you in any way REPORT IT! (I can understand the girl and the drugs, she could be charged with getting involved with illegal substances.) It doesn’t matter if it is, “Your word against his”. They have rape kits to sense trauma, female and professional Officers would will be there to listen to your story. Anything you need, fight until the very end! What frustrates me the most is when victim reports it months, or years later. The longer you wait, the less likely your story will sound believable. If anything if you DON’T report it you ARE at fault because, you’re technically saying YOU ALLOWED it to happen. If you don’t report it, that monster is still walking around and can do it to someone else!…. Feel really bad for the girl with the drugs though.

  • I don’t understand why people think it’s okay not to report rape. You are literally giving men consent to continue raping because ” I won’t report you I am too scared for everybody to think I’m lying”. What about the next woman that he rapes you will be accountable for that for not bringing him into Justice. And I see him because the only time men get raped is in jail or at a young age a child molester.

  • This is mostly the society’s fault because they made woman thinking that they are not important. Men think woman are toys that they can play with but that’s seriously wrong.

  • I was molested when I was eleven. I didn’t tell anyone because at the time I didn’t have a good relationship with anyone in my family and the person that molested me happened to be my mom’s best friend. Because I didn’t hold him accountable I had to keep seeing him and it ended up happening again when I was thirteen. I’m now fourteen and I still haven’t told anyone because I have no proof and I fear that no one will believe me. I’m living with the pain of what happened to me and I’ve never had to fight harder than now to not give up hope that one day the pain will just go away. Stories like these help me more than anyone can understand so thank you for sharing your stories.

  • I did reported him, tomorrow I have to stay in a court room and tell my story in front of him and so many more people. Pray for me, please ��

  • Wish I didn’t report mine…… ended up being charred with soliciting. It killed me.. he was in the court room too i lost it… infront of alot fo people before a judge who read out the charge. I felt like it was happining all over again, he was laughing the whole time… all I heard was why did you do this there were ways out.. it was your fault you wanted it…

  • It’s been almost two years since I’ve gotten raped and still haven’t really given myself time to process. Thanks for this song. Stay strong guys it’ll get better ��

  • I didn’t report because 1st he was my ex boy friend 2nd I had a friend she said it was my fault, because I should have fight against him.

  • I love your channel. My girlfriend is suffering so much. I said all those things to her before watching this video. We love each other but have yet to get intimate because of her years of sexual violence and sexual abuse.

  • Word of advice, don’t bother saying ‘i want to understand’. When I said this women thought I don’t care and seemed to think I should already understand despite never going through the same thing.

  • First of all I would like to thank you for the video
    Second -> I met a woman who confided in me that she had been abused since childhood. From that moment on, she severed all contact. How can I help her?
    Should I leave her alone or make contact somehow? What is the right step to make contact if you recommend it to me?
    Sry my english is not very good:)

  • I reported my assault, but since we where in 6th grade, and it happened on school, it was just transferred to school police who just kinda shrugged it off. They moved him to a different class, but other then that nothing changed. In fact, I got more hate then he did. He got sympathy for it, and I was accused lying, or being a snitch. I’m thinking of getting tested for PTSD because I show a lot of signs, but I don’t want people to try and downplay it again.

  • I was sexually abused by my best friend. He abused me 5 times. It hurts so bad & I cannot describe the pain. He was 14 years old & I was 13, when he did the abuse. Everything happened in 2019. It hurts so much.
    I can relate to every line in your song sis.
    I have nightmares & flashbacks.

    Love from Germany❤️

  • I think you’re so brave to open the conversation about this. I’m sorry for what you and anyone else who has been through this are going through. I hope you and others get some well deserved healing through sharing.

  • Would you ever talk more about your sexual assault story online? If you’re comfortable i think it could be super helpful to other people to hopefully see the warning signs before it’s too late. You’re a super inspiring person Jo! Keep going strong! ❤️❤️

  • Hi Kati, I really hope you see this.

    I’ve been reflecting and I think one of my sexual experiences was traumatic, specifically the first one.
    .
    .
    .
    .

    I consented to “doing stuff prior” and I agreed to go further later on. I wanted to enjoy it but it was just painful, I held out through the entire time i guess to get it over with. I couldn’t have been visibly enjoying it, I think I even had my eyes closed at one point. But afterwards I could hardly speak, and my body has flashed back a couple times lately to when we were in the car afterwards. At the beginning I was kind of frozen and they said take off your clothes, and so i did. And they were sort of telling me what to do, I figure(d?) that was just “the sexual dynamic”. During the act the image of the man who groomed me in my adolescence flashed and I took a big gasp, but I agreed to keep going. I wanted to enjoy it, maybe as a people pleaser or just that I wanted to enjoy sex or both. It was at their house, and I did choose initiate myself into starting things, but as soon as I sat down I was frozen.
    I don’t think they had really much care or concern for my comfort in hindsight. The whole phase of us “doing stuff” or “fwb” lasted 3 weeks. A week or so after and we hadn’t really talked, I asked them if they still wanted to do that and they said that they had “actually gone on a date and it went really well”. The timeline of things outside of this it could make sense, but I can’t know that for certain, and in hindsight they could’ve been lying to me.
    They seem to serial choose/target more timid white women, impo it seems like so they’re more likely to say yes
    .
    I don’t know what to make any of this honestly, at least the body flashback has subsided, can still kind of pull up the feeling though.

  • I cannot imagine someone dismissing the seriousness of an injured person who needs to be validated and supported. The idea of that victim being tossed aside upon sharing her experience, or his for that matter, is a form of abuse in my opinion. Further victimization. I agree, assure this person that you will find a starting point 4 the right support to begin healing. I don’t believe anyone gets through this life without some trauma. So, I would encourage anyone who is trusted enough that a victim would share with you, to please help this individual.

  • Jo, I have learned to be a listener. It’s a much more valuable skill than offering “advise”. What do you do If some one tells you about a situation that should be reported to the authorities? There’s probably a whole post in the answer.I’ve never been in that situation but it’s the one I’m afraid I’d screw up.

  • I’m a student in college, studying social work. I came across your video because I want to learn how to better communicate with future clients who may be experiencing trauma. Any tips?:)

  • Arizona just does not car about sexual molestation charges. According to Gilbert police detective (no name to protect him) my case was 15 years old. As I’m older Iam able to examine my habits and where they stem from. I made a phone call to the molestor and got the proof on recording. But according to the detective it wasn’t good enough, but there’s proof. But it wasnt good enough.well how much proof does it take. And why did I have to relive my past just to hear “it wasn’t good enough”. Thank you justice system now there’s a child molestor on the loose in Phoenix Arizona. I never reported it because I was 14 and I didn’t think they would believe me. Even now as a mature man they still don’t. It was my stepmom

  • Every now and then I also like to hear my friends saying that what happened me was wrong and that it wasn´t my fault. Hearing it from others help, as it often is hard to believe that I as a victim did nothing wrong. This video is so important as people should be more aware of how to react to someone´s trauma. It can be hard, but it´s also hard to recover if your closest friends belittle your experience (mine did, and oh that was hard to explain them my trauma once again). So a big yes to sharing these tips, thank you!:)

  • I love your tips in this video.
    For the longest time I denied my own trauma because of people I loved blaming me and invalidating me if I revealed anything I’d been through. I internalised their judgements and hid the truth from myself because it was all too painful to face alone. In turn, I became dismissive of other people’s pain. It was only when I first started experiencing genuine validation that I fully accepted the immense pain I’d been through and could finally empathise with others. Now when I validate people’s experiences, I do it with genuine feeling too.

    Validation is such an immensely healing gift. It is like a safe hug that comforts our loneliness from the pain of trauma. I can honestly say that the first time I experienced someone genuinely validating my feelings, it was a million times more helpful to my growth and healing than even the best advice I’d ever received.

    (And I hope you don’t mind me saying I also love your nails. Such a cool colour).

  • My 16 year girlfriend was very depressed for like 2 months. I tried asking her. But she would always reply that she had no reason. But one day I saw her crying after school. So I questioned her angrily. After minutes of enquiry she opened up and hugged me. Her neighbor who was her relative had been sexually harassing her and commenting dirty to her. He is a handicapped old man about 60 years old. He has been involved in such activities ever since her childhood. He is very friendly to her family. So she apparently didn’t tell her parents nor her brother. The only person who knew her problem was her cousin who herself was a victim. I am feeling very bad for shouting at her earlier. I really want to confront her, support her and protect my girl. And that’s why I am here.

  • I also always do the minimizing thing… to protect them from being sad about it (honestly more because I don’t want to be dealing with that ás wéll), to not overload them so they’d run away and to protect myself from the reactions I might not be ready for.

  • Yes! Love this. Great job Jo, and way to return to this most important core content. Full support to you and all communicating courageously in their way and time.

  • Jo, your videos are so helpful, thank you so much for this channel and sharing your experiences with us. You’re amazing. Thank you

  • I love this song even though it brings back what happened 2 years ago when I was sexually assaulted by my brothers dorm mate who is 8 years older then me, you are so inspiring. I will try and remover to keep my head up high for other survivors

  • Thanks for sharing this Jo. As a therapist who works with clients who have experienced trauma, I find it so important to empower my clients to navigate this journey in a way that is the most comfortable for them. Being in the driver’s seat of your own recovery and healing is so important. Thanks for sharing!

  • You know I’m just now realizing how much I didn’t tell my parents. No wonder they seem surprised how long it’s taking me to recover… Thanks for this Jo.

  • The huge mistake
    Saying sorry

    It’s not your fault, their 100% to blame for doing it to you.

    I was 9. Still haven’t told anyone. My family will view me differently, they won’t believe me, they’ll blame me even though I’m the only one who knows what happend. He was only a year older than me, I said no but he touched my but and kissed me before I pushed him away. Does that count as assult?

  • My abuser was a teenager, she would abuse me and she would talk about having sex with guys, she would brag about it. I think she knew what she was doing was wrong.

  • what I wanted to hear is legal action and step by step according to the law….and what was needed to complain…it was given to listen show your support..

  • What do I, by myself do in order to keep my job but get my boss off my back? This feels so disrespectful; and I really don’t want to quit… again.

  • Thanks man, my SO was just harrased and she is in another country, so I panicked but kept my shit together, and gave her support, later today she will call me and now I have a better idea on how to be supportive! That’s how I found this video. Didn’t know how to prepare so I googled this topic!

  • The only guy, two younger sisters n my mom. The girls don’t understand me at all, but the love is strong. Now I’m barely learning to explain myself, admitting and asking for help with my trauma. It’s a little embarrassing, but the freedom to talk and comfort to speak to them helps. Don’t underestimate the love your fam has for you.

  • I don’t know if I was sexually assaulted. I was out with my friend tonight and when I was walking home with him. Before I left we hugged but he tried to kiss me after and tried to keep me with him. Then started grabbing me at my wrists. But I don’t know

  • I didn’t report it, because he didn’t rape me and I thought it wasn’t bad enough and because he just pulled my hair and hurt my breasts. I didn’t report it because I wasn’t supposed to be drunk because I was 17. I didn’t report it because I was embarrassed that I kissed him back. Because I thought no one would believe me, because of so many things.

  • @meghanbradley I would love to use this sound on tik tok in one of my videos. Do you happen to have the sound on there already? If not can you please?

  • I used to be so confident, until slowly I became what I am now. I’ve been a survivor multiple times now. All I can say if you went through it. Baby it might not get better but remember it was never your fault. They did something unforgettable, it hurts I know but remember your someone who has a voice, you matter, your amazing and beautiful. Everyday go in the mirror and tell yourself “I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor. I went through them doing that to me. I deserve to live”

  • What about nonverbal Communications from someone who isn’t able to verbally consent(e.g. someone whom is deaf) to an act how would that apply in that scenario?

  • Is it still sexual assault if the first guy you went out with touched you all over without consent? And made you touch him? No clothes came off but still

  • Rough night with nightmares.I was raped 14 years ago. Still remember every detail. This song really touched me. It’s exactly how I feel.

  • This song is amazing. It has really helped me. I have been sexually assaulted and raped on many occasions and I really need a song like this to listen to when I am thinking of ending my life. It has helped me overcome those thoughts on more than one occasion. Thank you for helping me survive my own thoughts.

  • I was molested by my uncle(Dads brother) when I was in 3-4 grade and after some years when I was in 9 grade one of my uncle(Moms bro in law) tried to molest me but I got away and after 4 years while I was travelling alone by bus coming back home after completing my 12 grade one guy tried to molest me as well. Some days when I am alone I remember everything & I cry in pain hating myself and feeling disgusted of my self. Even writing this is bringing me to tears.

  • I was 10 at a park and i was with my best friend on the swings he started pushing us i told him to stop i was wearing shorts and he kept feeling and putting his hand next to my private parts i was so scared to talk to anybody but i told my mom that night and we called the cops he admited to doing it amd the cops let him off with a warning and my best friend was 8 i was 10 he was 18 i see him everyday on the streets knowing u took my childhood u took everything i had my dignity my worth i cant deal i cant cope i barley can wear shorts let alone be around males thanks for ruining everything my snap if u wanna talk:( is lil_eva33

  • I have a story too. My father had died and he left my mother when she was in the hospital when I was 5 my mother came home with a man and said this is your stepfather I seemed really nice until you knew him when my mom was at work he used to rape me, he always said that it’s a game and it’s fun. He used to ch•ke me and I would scream if I would screamed I would get slapped after my mom used to worry about me and I would always say it’s because me and John (his name) was playing a rough game. She sent me the hospital to get me checked the doctor called the police and a detective to investigate. Next thing I knew we was in a police car with my mom I was my stepfather with his hands up on the floor in hand cuffs when we walked by him she cursed at my mom and me saying “ you bitch go to hell you fuck”we went in court and he was guilty with 5 months in jail he’s out and is on house arrest. So being a woman or girl is so amazing….

  • I am a victim of sexual harassment, i was harassed at the age of ten, I was harassed by my cousin, the eldest cousin, if anyone is dealing with this, speak to someone immediately. Please, don’t be scared to tell like how i was!

  • My brother molested me at a young age.. I’ve always wanted to just get away and tell but he had always told me no. I feel so uncomfortable even just being close to him. He’s got my whole family fooled and it bugs me so bad! This song encourages me so much, but the memories just keep flooding back. I don’t know what to do.

  • thank you for this. my best friend has just told me her story and we’re only 13. the story is from when she was 11. i’m now the only one who knows besides her parents and so she’s not used to opening up about it. and i have no idea what to say to her, i just feel for her. this was very helpful.

  • I was sexually assaulted by my dad at age six and it is something indescribably difficult to deal with. Anyone who was been a survivor of this you are not alone ❤️

  • Im currently having to face similar wounds from the past. It’s been years, but the attack still impacts me. I’m trying to face this with Jesus. It’s hard, but I want to.

  • Its been a year sence it happend and im still trying not to blame my self and I found this thank you im going to listen to this when I ever get the moments of flash backs and blaming my self for it thank you for making this
    Ps. You are talented

  • how can you trust god if he didn’t answer your prayers for this to stop i cant trust or believe in him i prayed for a long time for it to stop but it didn’t also thank you for sharing this:)

  • Thank you for this Meghan this gotten me through a lot of sleepless night because of what I’ve been through. I like to connect to music when I go into a dark place and this song had let me connect all the way. Thank you so much for this. The emotion in your voice is so real.? Your not alone. We’re not alone. ❤️

  • Update: I cut 20 mins ago, I can’t keep on doing this. I just want to die. I have tryed to be happy but I can’t the only person that cared is gone now. I am in a foster home tonight. They are not the best but they will do. This is so hard. How am I going to do this? I am not strong enough!

  • Girl, this is such an amazing song, I’m so proud of you for writing this, thank you so much. I’m in love with your song, and I love what you wrote in you’re description. You have such a pretty voice. You should write more songs.

  • I always up for a challenge! I have all the love for y’all and just know I am here to talk so like legit I am here and please I would love to talk btw talking helps so I mean I got PTSD so I mean if you talkin’ bout it you less likely to get. Not like tellin’ you you gotta talk to me but it helps

  • My dear mother told me to be quiet when she came to know about the abuse as it was someone from family and told me to forget ��������������

  • This is giving me goosebumps.. I just want to say thank you for making this. Even months later, it’s still hard to process what happened, and why, and this is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you.��❤️

  • I’m afraid to tell my family, partially because I feel like it would be too much for them to handle. Did you deal with guilt about telling them?

  • I got raped earlier like in the morning I haven’t told anybody. And i don’t know why this song popped up on my Recommendations. I’ve been crying all day I haven’t eaten, slept or anything. What’s even worse is I have depression and right now I’ve just been breaking down and getting all suicidal but I’m doing my best to not do something stupid. But I’ve been having this swing on repeat while breaking down trying to not focus on my negative thoughts

  • at work being forced to wear masks it just feels like their hand is covering my mouth and nose and its as if im reliving everything and i cant tell anyone because its so embarrassing for me to admit what happened but i cant keep getting yelled at for ir

  • I did not report because i was 14, 17 and 18. I always blamed my self. Everytime it happened, i got shocked. also, i had no proof excepting from being not able to sit for 4 days. i am still ashamed of 3 assaults. Whenever i get over an assault, it again happens.

  • Hi I’ve never watched any of your videos this is actually the first one I watched because I’m doing research for a song I’m currently writing I’ve never been assaulted like you but I’m writing a song about girls and boys who have and I’m sharing people stories and honestly so that why no one will get upset and I’m right here with you trying to spread the awareness

  • I was sexually assaulted by my “best friend” in October of 2017 thank you for writing this. It’s helping me heal and it helps me move through this pain. You are a blessing sent from God. ��

  • This song is amazing. I keep looking for songs about rape to accept what happened to me, and this song helps me a bit more. Love from France ❤️����

  • Contains words that may trigger people, read with caution.

    There’s a server called “Rape Co.” that is active and it talks about children getting raped, it’s sick and disgusting. People ask for advice on there about rape and it sick. There’s proof in this wattpad shown here; https://www.wattpad.com/945169404-we-need-to-shut-this-down-rapey-co-help. Let’s work together to take it down shall we?

    How you can help:

    1. Spread the word around, post this announcement if needed. You are free to take this and to spread it.
    2. Sign this petition, we need everyone’s help to take this website down or at least allow FBI to investigate: https://www.change.org/p/the-fbi-needs-to-investigate-all-users-and-remove-the-website-rapey-co

    3. Try and raise awareness of this website around to people, perhaps with the hashtag “ #ProtecttheChildren” We really appreciate it!

    Thank you for your time!!
    IM NOT.A BOT JUST TRYING TO SPREAD AWARENESS THERE ISNT ENOUGH SIGNATURES

  • THIS hits close to home I was sexually assaulted 2years ago I keep it a secret for 1 and half years and I was sexually assaulted in January but I told someone

  • Im Female to Male transgender..most people think only guys can sexually assault someone…no…a girl (we’ll call her Amy) did it to me sept 2018. and i felt i couldn’t tell no one. I got with this amazing girl February 21 2019 (we’re still together)…For the longest time, I was “Amys” only victim…until she hurt my girlfriend in late 2019…. Im touched by people in school, people in public, and in the past…even by family…and the fear will never leave me…the feeling…the thoughts….But I’m so glad i have an amazing girl to help ease my pain and keep my mind free.
    I love the song and I’m proud of you <3 keep it going! <3 <3

  • It’s been a long time….
    Since that happened but it still haunts me….
    Me 2020
    I don’t have any emotions left����

  • Thank you ��
    You have a beautiful voice, you play piano well and your lyrics are deeply yours but also “ours”.
    It’s that, “months later” for me & it is harder now than ever before. I was so numb in the beginning & lately, just as you wrote in your song, it’s really all coming back, extremely realistic flashbacks & nightmares.
    I am extremely angered that society still doesn’t seem to care (especially where I am from) and this happened 2 years after you wrote this song. Still really no progress.
    You are a very strong young woman to put yourself out there, & I find your voice comforting, thank you so much & it truly was never your fault.

  • This brought me back from feeling so hardened and angry…now I feel at peace again. Thank you for showing us we don’t have to fight back we just have to stand up with our strength and reclaim our peace and live again. My sister’s boyfriend did this to me 2 weeks ago but he’s been arrested since he tried to kill my sister while super drunk and high. He assaulted me while me and my boyfriend were trying to calm him down so he wouldn’t destroy more of the house but it took so long to get my Dad to call the cops and that hurts the most is I feel my dad still takes my sisters bf’s side even though he tried to kill his own daughter and assault me his other daughter.

  • U don’t know what a rape n grouping is. Shut up liberal bitches. Some of them like the blonde with the white shirt just proved it when she said it did not happen + even confirming she was not gonna be believe. Cause nothing happen to her

  • You are so brave. I am a Christian too. I was attacked by two older boys when I was 12 and was sexually abused by a family member as a child. I’m 19 now but the pain doesn’t fade I find it only grows. But I have the Lord and he is my comfort. Xx

  • Thank you so much for sharing this with the world. It really helped me, and I know how it feels to have to deal with trauma every day. Thank you.

  • I want to say thank you. I have been angery for 5 years. Too afraid to say it let alone think of it. I came out of a gang rape with 3 men… I haven’t been able to say that before. Thank you

  • Wow this song is absolutely beautiful it has such a beautiful meaning to it and even though This has never happened to me I feel a connection but in a since I think anyone could relate to this because many some one might have almost had happen to them

    Wow if you ever see this This is such an amazing song and you have a beautiful voice and never give up on your dreams

  • 9 years ago i was sexaully abused by my grandfather, it went on for months. i couldnt tell anyone cuz he would hate me for it and he said it would ruin my family, i was 7 at the time. when i finally told my mom, he went to jail, but only for 3 hours my aunt bailed him out. hes been free acting like nothing happened ever since. i could tesify against him in court because i was so scared that i felt like if i stepped in the courtroom i would die. im 16 now and i try to act like it doesnt bother me but it has changed my life in many ways. i do drugs that normal teenagers dont do. i have a loving mom and a loving family, so they arent the problem, people at school arent the problem, its my grandfather. it took a while for me to finally realize how bad he changed my life. he has damaged me. he still has control over me it feels like. everytime i try to talk to someone about it i feel wrong for doing it. it makes me feel like im trying to make them feel bad for me when im really not.

  • Hello this is amazing. Can I ask you if you can do another song? I really love the emotion in your voice and the meaning of the words. I was thinking if you could make up a song about losing loved ones?

  • Hey, I love what you wrote in your description, I have faith in God too but it’s hard when it never goes away, I’ll never forget God’s unending love for me but it’s just so cruel still being here, around him and it’s like he forgot what he did to me but I didn’t and I’ll never forget. It’s hard to wake up in the morning knowing how the day is going to go. People laughing, smiling at me, talking about sexual things, trying to make me feel uncomfortable, I’m even a survivor of bullying and that’s even worse. You’re right, the mental pain follows you forever, and I hate going to school everyday because it’s always the same, and I never want to go but at the same time I do because I won’t be at my house anymore but nobody helps me there, no one would believe me if I tried talking to them.