Closeness Following a Diagnosis

 

Sexual Healing 17: Sex, Sexuality and Relationships After A Diagnosis Of Cancer

Video taken from the channel: LGBT and Cancer Staffordshire


 

Sexuality: Retaining and Rediscovering Intimacy

Video taken from the channel: Stanford Health Care


 

INTIMACY AFTER TRAUMA | BIG SIS ADVICE

Video taken from the channel: Meghan Hughes


 

Love and Intimacy with Cancer: Through Diagnosis, Treatment, and Survivorship

Video taken from the channel: Stanford Health Care


 

WEBINAR: Staying Mindfully Connected and Experiencing Intimacy after a Cancer Diagnosis

Video taken from the channel: Canadian Cancer Survivor Network


 

Sexuality and Intimacy After a Cancer Diagnosis: Melissa’s Experience

Video taken from the channel: cocaovarian


 

22 with terminal cancer: Canadian gymnast grapples with a life-changing diagnosis | Before & After

Video taken from the channel: CBC Docs


No matter what condition you’ve been diagnosed with, you don’t have to resign yourself to a life without sex or intimacy. Talk to your doctor. Tell your doctor how important your sexual life is to you.

I know this might be difficult, particularly if you’re not used to talking. “Cuddling, holding hands and gentle touching are all forms of physical intimacy that can play a role for couples dealing with a dementia diagnosis,” she says. “However, dementia doesn’t mean that a healthy sex life is no longer possible. In fact, it can be a wonderful source of support, comfort and pleasure for many years to come.

What about intimacy if one partner has been ill? If you or your partner have been sick with COVID-19 and are now recovering, this CDC page explains ways to prevent the spread of germs, including not sharing bedding –– or presumably, a bed –– and abstaining from all intimate contact until. at least seven days after symptoms first started. As a mental health therapist, I work with people who are trying to rediscover their sexual selves after a cancer diagnosis. Everyone I see has one thing in common – they are hungry for connection.

It’s a basic human need, but one that is often overlooked in healthcare settings. One way that people can find connection is through intimacy. onreproductive” cancer types and 84% of partners caring for a person with cancer involving “reproductive” sites reported an impact on their sexual relationship. Cessation or decreased frequency of sex and intimacy was reported by 59% of the women and 79% of the men. Renegotiation of sexuality and intimacy after cancer was reported by only 19% of the women and 14% of the men.

Reasons for. Why You Might Have Intimacy Issues After Trauma In addition to withdrawal and feeling disconnected, a multitude of other trauma symptoms can interfere with a relationship. After. Yet retaining intimacy in your relationship both during and after your breast cancer ordeal is critical to your overall recovery.

And single women who want to become part of a relationship worry how breast cancer will affect their prospects, about how and. The findings are of significance to clinicians because sexual well-being is central to psychological well-being and quality of life, and sexual intimacy has been found to make the experience of cancer more manageable and to assist in the recovery process. © 2012 Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, Inc. Dr. Guntupalli masterfully tackles the complex implications for love and intimacy that are too often overlooked and underdiscussed when it comes to cancer.

Regaining intimacy accelerates the path to regaining health and this book is an insightful, powerful guide to doing exactly that. Bill Frist, MD, former U.S. Senate Majority Leader. Vaginal bleeding, including bleeding after sex, can be a symptom of cervical and uterine cancers.

These cancers are most common in women over age.

List of related literature:

If you were comfortable with and enjoyed sexual relations before starting therapy, chances are you will still find pleasure in physical intimacy during your treatment.

“Consumer Health USA” by Alan M. Rees
from Consumer Health USA
by Alan M. Rees
Oryx Press, 1997

This suffering results from the expectations and responsibilities placed upon the significant other to care for the patient, the mutual experience of intensified needs brought about by the patient’s illness, and the often rapidly changing needs of both the patient and the significant other.

“Palliative Care Nursing: Quality Care to the End of Life” by Marianne Matzo, PhD, APRN-CNP, FPCN, FAAN, Deborah Witt Sherman, PhD, APRN, ANP-BC, ACHPN, FAAN
from Palliative Care Nursing: Quality Care to the End of Life
by Marianne Matzo, PhD, APRN-CNP, FPCN, FAAN, Deborah Witt Sherman, PhD, APRN, ANP-BC, ACHPN, FAAN
Springer Publishing Company, 2018

As for physical intimacy, you and your partner will probably need some time to get reacquainted with each other after an episode.

“The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, Second Edition: What You and Your Family Need to Know” by David J. Miklowitz
from The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, Second Edition: What You and Your Family Need to Know
by David J. Miklowitz
Guilford Publications, 2011

A key to helping patients with BPD is recognizing their fears of both abandonment and intimacy.

“Psychiatric Nursing: Contemporary Practice” by Mary Ann Boyd
from Psychiatric Nursing: Contemporary Practice
by Mary Ann Boyd
Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2008

FP (for both closed and open questions): Information is gathered and exchanged, clarifying symptoms, emotions, reactions and their impact; continue to build trust and relationship; encourage disclosure, sharing and intimacy, caring, commitment, connection and engagement.

“Occupational Therapy for People Experiencing Illness, Injury Or Impairment E-Book(previously Entitled Occupational Therapy and Physical Dysfunction): Promoting Occupation and Participation” by Michael Curtin, Mary Egan, Jo Adams (PhD)
from Occupational Therapy for People Experiencing Illness, Injury Or Impairment E-Book(previously Entitled Occupational Therapy and Physical Dysfunction): Promoting Occupation and Participation
by Michael Curtin, Mary Egan, Jo Adams (PhD)
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2016

In couples’ therapy, clinicians will need to address the partners’ intimacy compatibility.

“Close Relationships: A Sourcebook” by Clyde Hendrick, Susan S. Hendrick, Susan Hendrick
from Close Relationships: A Sourcebook
by Clyde Hendrick, Susan S. Hendrick, Susan Hendrick
SAGE Publications, 2000

This may be overcome if both partners are able to discuss their anxieties, either with each other or facilitated by a healthcare professional.

“Gynaecology E-Book: Expert Consult: Online and Print” by Robert W. Shaw, David Luesley, Ash K. Monga
from Gynaecology E-Book: Expert Consult: Online and Print
by Robert W. Shaw, David Luesley, Ash K. Monga
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

Has there been physical contact within the therapy relationship previously?

“Treating Adult Survivors of Childhood Emotional Abuse and Neglect” by Elizabeth K. Hopper, Frances K. Grossman, Joseph Spinazzola, Bessel A. van der Kolk, Marla Zucker, Christine A. Courtois
from Treating Adult Survivors of Childhood Emotional Abuse and Neglect
by Elizabeth K. Hopper, Frances K. Grossman, et. al.
Guilford Publications, 2018

At that point, the therapist can choose whether to probe for shared experiences, or wait until a similar theme appears in the couple’s interaction.

“Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy, Fifth Edition” by Alan S. Gurman, Jay L. Lebow, Douglas K. Snyder
from Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy, Fifth Edition
by Alan S. Gurman, Jay L. Lebow, Douglas K. Snyder
Guilford Publications, 2015

THERAPIST: Can you tell Linda now about how you feel about not being able to be as intimate as you would both like.

“Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples” by Leslie S. Greenberg, Susan M. Johnson
from Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
by Leslie S. Greenberg, Susan M. Johnson
Guilford Publications, 1988

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

View all posts

85 comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Cancers never a gift but the realization it gives you of what’s really important and what’s not is indeed an awakening. Not without cost of course and for me i shall be seeing the inside of a day treatment ward for the rest of my life but i also meet my better half because of it and that over 20 years ago now. Life isn’t fair and it can beat you to the ground if you let it but its not how long you got but rather if you get up off that ground and live it to the fullest. Tamara O’Brien lived hers and lived large you should do the same.

  • My older sister died of cancer, it was really heartbreaking cause the first time she got diagnose it was already stage 4 and it was her birthday.

  • Ugh I’m so thankful for this video. I finally have a video I can relate to about rape and sexual assault. Thank you for this; thank you for telling your story so that we can feel connected and not alone. This is a serious topic!! Thank you for opening up! I can refer to this video when I’m feeling alone/ having triggers, and it makes me feel
    So much better knowing that more people know how I feel. ��

  • Can you make a video for us victims to send to our partner? You are so well spoken and I feel like I’d be rly helpful for him to see

  • My name is Jazmine from Canada Some years ago I was diagnose of CANCER issue and ever since then i have been taking different kinds of medication
    but yet no improvement until i saw
    testimonies on the internet of how Dr ANETOR has been curing different people from different kinds of diseases, immediately
    i contacted him. After our discussion
    he prepared the medicine and send it to
    me, whichi received and took according
    to his instructions. Now my doctor just
    confirmed that am free. My heart
    is so filled with joy, thank you so much
    Dr ANETOR for curing me. If you are reading
    this and you have CANCER or any other
    disease you can contact him on WhatsApp:+2349053227715.

  • Praying for you Queen ������ I know you!! I have watched you over the years!! YOU ARE AMAZING!!!❤️ YOU ARE TRULY BEAUTIFUL INSIDE & OUT!! Please believe this! I’m not just saying this. YOU TRULY ARE!! I will continue to pray for you my dear. I wish you love&peace! ��❤️���� sending Love&Prayers to you my dear from Toronto Canada ����❤️������ LOVE&LIGHT ����

  • I saw the video without reading the text or comments below. I watched the video and at the end I thought, that maybe she is lucky and will have some more years. Then I realized she was not that lucky. Oh gee. Makes me very sad. My deepest condolences to all the people who loved her.

  • I find it strange that people who want to live lose their life, but there are so many people that ask God to take them every night and never get taken. Life can be so unfair.

  • Thank you so much for talking about your experience and continued process for healing. I was in a sexually abusive relationship for 5 years. I got out about 4 years ago and have been so hard on myself for not being over it by now, but the more I talked about little things here and there with friends I really trusted, the more I understood that it takes time. So much time. And it may not be fair that I have serious triggers, but it’s more unfair to shame myself for not being healed fast enough. The amount of perspective that is shifted in abusive situations is insane, so it’s incredibly helpful to hear how someone else is trying to process their trauma. Thank you for sharing. It means more than you even know.

  • I was molested by girls at a very young age and I never talk about it. I buried it in my head for a long time because I still think my situation isn’t “bad enough” and talking about it makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m triggered by a lot of things but this is one thing that I feel I haven’t allowed myself to fully heal from since I just keep it in a black hole and forget about it. I commend you Meg for being brave enough to not only call but to share your most dark times with us. This is one of a million reasons why I love you Maurice ����

  • A trusted male in my life tried to rape me when I was 8 and have had a few more incidents since and now I’m 15 and am dating a guy who I really trust so thank you so much for this because I was so scared and this helped a lot

  • Give this a read.
    I am a vocalist in a band. It took us years to develop to what we are today. Before the corona pandemic hit the world, we were working on our first album. It was pretty special for us.
    Then it all stopped, I moved back to my parent’s home thousands of kilometres away because I felt I would be safe there.
    My aunt, who stays with my parents got diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer. It was pretty hard for me, considering that the pandemic was in it’s full swing and visiting a hospital is pretty risky, especially for my diabetic dad. This was the fourth case of cancer in my dad’s family. My dad’s two brothers and my grandmother had already died from the disease. It is easy for us to get demotivated after the history. So I had been in incharge of their well being. This week my maternal uncle who is really close to me had a heart attack, it was pretty near lethal. He is still in the ICU. He has also contracted covid.
    All my maternal uncles and their families have contracted covid. My dad is showing symptoms. Right now I am self quarantining myself because I had been down with fever and a runny nose. Pretty sure I have contracted the disease from my uncle.
    Trying to stay positive af. Playing video games, eating healthy, positivity.

  • Cancer or no cancer, you learn the life, hard way… When one is holding too much into life, almost trying to take control of life, there’s this one moment that gonna awake us up from the illusion we are merged into. It gonna remind us that our only true inheritance is death. Everything else comes next.

  • Thank you so much for sharing your story, Meghan. I know how hard it must be, but here you are, showing up for those of us who are struggling. I’m so sorry about your trauma, you are heard & your story is valid! Your encouragement & advice will help a lot of people process their feelings & feel safe in sharing. ❤️

    I have been sexually abused different ways throughout my life, but it is the recent trauma that I’ve been through that has really brought so much pain in my life. I just recently got out of a situation (that went on for many years) with someone who was a sociopath. I didn’t realise at the time (although I had many gut feelings), but I was being emotionally & sexually manipulated. It wasn’t until I spoke with my therapist & read an article she recommended, that I learned the true extent of what I had been through. When you’re being manipulated both emotionally & sexually, your consent is based on a lie, therefore making it very much like rape. Learning almost overnight the extent of everything, it made me feel sooo many thing’s.. it was a huge trigger & brought back all the other sexual trauma I had experienced.

    Telling my therapist, family & best friend was the first step in my healing. It was hard, but it was necessary.

    I recently shared my story on Instagram after coming out of a deep depression due to this. I was scared to share, but I woke up that morning knowing I had to. Spreading awareness is so important & I’m glad we have people like you, who use their platform to do just that! You’re truly such a blessing ��

    I will say that sharing & speaking up about my story has been one of the most freeing thing’s I’ve ever done!

  • I do not understand this. How is it possible? I know cancer is somewhat of a medical mystery but holy shit a girl so young and healthy? There’s nothing you can do to protect yourself.

  • What an amazingly beautiful young lady. I coach athletics and find it to be a great way for young people to grow both emotionally and physically. I do hope that we will find an effective and affordable cure for all types of cancer within her lifetime. Maybe it’s a far-fetched hope, but science has advanced greatly. Let’s make this happen so that people like her can be with us for a long time. She is truly beautiful.

    Both my parents died from cancer. I know how it puts life into perspective

  • At 20, I was diagnosed with stage for Crohn’s disease. At 21, my entire large intestine ruptured, I died for two minutes, they were able to resuscitate me and go on to perform at 12 hour surgery where they found two small tumours growing on the outside of my now shattered large intestine. If they had gone unnoticed any longer, it would’ve killed me in six months, I literally had to die to save my own life. But that was just the beginning. I’m now 51 and I’m permanent long-term disability. I’ve had 37 surgeries they have removed over 95% of my G.I. tract. I’ve had four relapses of intestinal cancer at the same time. Chances of survival were 5%, 10%, 5%, 5%… I’m 51 now, cancer free, intestine free, but still alive, so hell yes, it is an awakening, but if I have to be honest, there’s a lot of times I wished I wasn’t alive, because living like this with so much missing inside, has turned my life upside down and backwards more times than I can count. Is it wrong to say I wished that the cancer had killed me instead? Not being able to eat hardly anything, being sick every day of your life, not being able to do any of the things you used to enjoy, and being just plain miserable all the time, is too high of a price to pay for just being alive. There’s a big difference between living, and being alive. Unfortunately I am the latter, living is the most important, when you can do things that are fun, things that make you happy, even if it means going to work, I would give anything to be able to return to work, and have my life back. I did manage to get my degree while going through all that crap, and manage to work often on for almost 25 years, but it finally reached a point where I’m just too sick to do anything. Never confuse living for being alive, because being alive itself isn’t enough, if you have no reason to live, and life is nothing but unbearable pain day after day for the rest of your life, then I’m not living, I’m just alive, but dead, or rather, waiting for death to finally take me, so I can finally live again on the other side, and I know there’s another side, because when I died, I got to see what awaits us, and it’s absolutely wonderful, I can’t wait to get back to it, but at the same time I can’t abandon all those people in my family who gave everything up to help me get through it. Be thankful you’re not me, I wouldn’t Wish this on anybody, the only claim to fame that I can make is that the cancer diagnosis percentages are never correct, the doctors are only going by the textbooks, and everybody is different. Unfortunately our survive for times when I should’ve died, sounds crazy I know, but if I knew what I was going to be facing after surviving everything, I would’ve gave up and let the cancer take me, because this is not living, it’s a State of perpetual pre-death.

  • I struggle with intimacy with my husband of 6 years because of childhood sexual trauma brought on by close family members. If this is you as well, you’re not alone. It may feel it sometimes, but I’m here for you.

  • Thank you thank you thank you for this relevant video I didn’t know I needed. You’re amazing for making this, sharing your story and helping others. Sending you and everyone else a whole lot of love and healing x

  • Abused a week ago right after you posted this… just now watching it and I keep getting goosebumps. Thank you for sharing your voice

  • We never know how strong we are amazing she would pick the girl with cancer instead she was free truly living not existing most people just die without knowing their worth love themselves but she truly lived and is still living love never dies

  • I am so grateful to Dr.Rick Simpson for providing me with Hemp oil here in the United State of America.this is the Email[[email protected]] I was diagnose with cancer of the lungs 8 months ago, and ever since then i have done a lot of Chemo and Radiation that have not helped issues, but only damaged my immune system and frustrated me. I came across the Phoenix Tears and i have read about the Hemp oil a lot and saw the Post that Dr. Rick Simpson could provide me with Hemp Oil i contact him on;[email protected] gmail.com for the procurement of this medication,the medication was procured and delivered within 2 days and i have been on treatment for the past 3 months.I am here to let every one know that am no longer a cancer patient, I have experience a total change in my health, with Dr. Rick Simpson Hemp oil service. for all cancer patient that live in the America region and Europe at large, get your Hemp oil from Dr. Rick Simpson at: [email protected] gmail.com <<<<<<>>>>>>>…….,.,,.,.,<<<<<.>>>>>

  • Tamara O’Brien was my girlfriend, and I’m incredibly lucky to have been able to spend the time together with her that we had. It makes me happy to see that her story is being shared around the world. Tams you are my angel. I’ll love you always and forever

  • thank you so much for doing sextember and talking about important topics like your trauma, self pleasure and having your first time. I’d never had a ‘sex talk’ or proper sex-ed so I’ve always looked to the internet and people like you to be able to have conversations like these. you’re an absolute angel. thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for being vulnerable and open. i love you!:)

  • It happened to me with somebody I was in a relationship with. It took me a while to accept it as well. I definitely still struggle with it in a new relationship (together 3 years now). A lot of times I won’t even have a trigger, I’ll just start crying after and i have no idea why. Thank you for talking about it ❤ the police got involved in my situation and I made the decision not to press charges because I knew there wasn’t any proof and I definitely didn’t want to see him in court. I still have a hard time accepting it because it was in a relationship and I blocked a lot of things out for about a year and honestly don’t remember a lot. But then I have to remind myself that I said no. He knew I wasn’t into it because I was just laying there, motionless, crying. It’s so hard to even accept the fact that it happened sometimes ��

  • Hello Meghan. After watching this video I realized I was underplaying an incident that happened to me. I had been holding it in. I took your advice and decided I was ready to talk to my husband about it. I had told him about it after it happened but could never tell him how I felt. I was scared. Now I finally feel a weight lifted and feel like I can exhale again. This video helped me even when I thought I didn’t need it. Thank you

  • It is the emotional distress that her mother put on her as a little kid that has caused her cancer. 2yr olds don’t want to b gymnasts. They want to run around n act silly. Cancers r caused by deep emotional wounds and a toxic environment.
    U cannot cure Cancer with Western Medicine. Nor with Surgery. Definitely not with Chemotherapy, which is pure poison. U need traditional Herbal treatments like Ayurveda if u really want to cure Cancer and live long.

  • I’m glad she said cancer is not a gift. I watched my partner fight cancer for over 3 years, he lived 1 month over what they said he would. He fought hard & remained positive throughout. To hear someone you love & planned on spending a lifetime with tell you they are dying & there’s nothing they can do is beyond heartbreaking. Miss him every second of everyday. Her positivity and honesty was inspiring, sad to hear she has since passed. RIP beautiful girl♥️

  • This video really changed my life I feel a pathehtic parasite letting life pass gone by I promise I will stop complaining and value the life

  • I went through something 5 years ago and now I need some more time in the beginning of every relationship. I need to be in control about the first times. I don’t need to be dominant but I need to be the one that decided when the first kiss/ sex whatever is going to happen. Cos if the partner is making that decision for me, that freaks me out cos it reminds me of what happened. But after some months into the relationship I‘m completely fine with everything:)

  • wow, as of today 9-13-2020, there have been 175 trolls who’ve supposedly seen this incredible tribute to an amazing life and actually used their time to give this a “thumbs down”…… what happened in your life that you could be this level of lunacy? whatever happened in your life, I hope that some day you grow up……

  • I was sexually assaulted in April of 2015 as well. He planned the whole thing, pressured me to drink too much, and may have even drugged me. I thought I was safe with him because he knew I was dating a friend of his. I went through the whole process of reporting him when I found out he’d done the exact same thing to at least 2 other girls that I knew. What made it worse was my then boyfriend was an absolute dick about it. Not supportive at all. Made it all about him. Ended manipulating and emotionally abusing me for a year after until he cheated on me while we were in London together. It’s been 3 years since I’ve been with anyone. I definitely have a lot of walls up. It’s very upsetting.

  • I work at Fair Haven in Indiana. It is a sexual assault support system. We do individual sessions for FREE. We also have group therapy. We have a crisis line if anyone needs to reach out. It does not matter where you are located. Google “Fair Haven highland Indiana”. You can text the crisis line or call. You could also chat with an advocate online. We have many choices for you. We can also give you resources closer to your home. ��❤️

  • Thank you so much, I reported my abuser last month and I swear I’m fine until I get triggered so thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone

  • As a Social worker in my early days your video series and this episode in particular is incredibly important. You r such an eloquent compassionate person who delivers a message in down to earth terms. I wish this whole series could be shown in schools. U r am amazing young lady with wisdom beyond your years❤️����

  • Thank you for making this video. I’ve had it in my watch later for a while now but kept putting it off, but now that I’ve watched it I feel so comforted. Thank you for opening up & sharing your experience & how to evolve after the fact

  • I was molested and tortured at. 17 put on loads of weight to act as a barrier feel unloved and unwanted reported it to police was laughed. At and told to go away my abuser got away with it so angry im 49 now thanks for this meg your a legend

  • I can totally relate to this. I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I haven’t seen him for 4yrs but got a text from him last week from a new number. I felt physically sick and was shaking.
    I’m so thankful to be free from him and with a loving man now.
    I love your videos and I also love your style:-)

  • Wow I really needed to hear this. I had a very traumatizing experience happen to me about a year ago and I just started seeing someone new and keep getting flashbacks to that time. This really helped hearing a bit of how you handled things and I appreciate that.

  • Cancer is never a gift. To look at it as such is a perverse way of thinking that dishonors those who’ve lost their battle.

    My dad was One of those who lost his battle with lung cancer. Never a smoker or drinker. Always ate healthy and exercised. But he developed lung cancer of all things. Still miss him to this day.

    May we find a cure someday…for all forms of cancer. For people like Tamara, for people like my dad.

  • I pray that jesus covers you and your family as you go through this and continues to cover you as you go through this and anyone else going through this too, jesus knows what your going through, i pray that you trust and believe in the lord please you will see a change xxx xxx

  • This is such an important topic. Thank you for opening yourself up and sharing your experiences in this way, Meghan. You fill such an important space on Youtube. <3

  • Thank you for posting this! It’s definitely encouraged me to do videos of this. You did such a great job with this video! I am glad that more people are coming forward with this.

  • How can this be? I hate it that somebody so young and so full of life and willingness to improve could get cancer. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hope there is something after life and that she’s there doing beautiful gymnastics.

  • I have never been raped but I have been sexually abused/harassed by people I was extremely close to (a best friend in one incident and a boyfriend in others) and I just feel like I can’t talk about trauma. Because I never was raped I feel like my feelings just aren’t as bad as they could be if that makes sense.. so many people go through a lot worse so why would I have the right to say anything about my experience. I know that’s a little flawed but I can’t get over that feeling. A friend said “it’s not like you were raped though” to me once and I can’t get over it (she said it years ago) and I feel like I never will

  • I could literally cry, this video is perfectly timed wow. One year exactly since my r*pe and I’m back at the college where it all happened when I was freshly 18. Everything you said was so articulate and well put. I’m still scared as fuck though lmao I hope I can get to this point soon.

  • I’ve been dealing with my PTSD for 16 years now and I know this sounds brutal, but I just wanted to tell everyone out there who’s dealing with this and thinking: why am I still sad or experiencing flashbacks? I should be over this by now!.. Stop thinking this way. Something horrible happened to you and you can’t be expected to magically be ok. I know 16 years sounds insane and I’ve been beating myself up over this for so long, until I realised that in doing so I was just adding to my depression. It wasn’t helpful at all. Allow yourself to not be ok in order to allow yourself to heal. Accept that you are sad and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about that! You have every right to feel all your emotions. They are a necessary tool, even the uncomfortable ones.

  • I was sexually abused by my high school teacher… court case is happening currently and the court dates are in the future. So hard to have this shit drag on. It’s so agonizing. I feel so empty not feeling like I deserve love and feeling like I’m truly not capable of loving someone deeply. Therapy is my life is all I can say.

  • Dear Tamara, thank you for the person you are and for reminding us that we should appreciate and live life with meaning. It’s Carpe Diem.

  • I am so comforted by hearing your story whenever you share bits of it. I would love hearing more about how you actually went about reporting your abuser, and the steps around that.

  • In my last relationship there was severe physical abuse, sexual abuse & mental abuse. I went through it for 5 years & just recently got out. I was raped then when I’d finally get him to stop he’d beat the shit out of me for not wanting to have sex with him. I was soo nervous to be intimate with my significant other, but I’m so glad I let him in because I’m much more sexual & free now then I ever was. My signifother is also very understanding he gives me my space but holds me while I cry for as long as I need, he’s so paitent & I’m so lucky. It’s so worth it, but these things take time. I still have a hard time letting people in mentally, even though I open up about my past I have a barrier up that I’m slowly learning how to break down. But if you’re still stuck, you’ll get there in your own time. One step at a time. ❤️

  • thank you so much for this video. not many people speak up about this and it’s something that has troubled me for such a long time. i feel comforted knowing that other people are/have dealt with this too. Love u ❤️

  • I just got out of an emotionally manipulative and sexually abusive relationship at the beginning of August. I knew how he was treating me but I was too scared to end it. Luckily I have family and friends that are my best support network, and they helped me end it. Of course it’s still very fresh so I don’t want to even think about being intimate with anyone but this video is very helpful. Thank you, Meghan ❤️

  • May she rest in peace:(

    Such a beautiful young woman. A beautiful smile and an amazing athlete. Her admission that she really didn’t like herself prior to her diagnosis was heartbreaking to hear. You were truly beautiful Tamara and I wish I could have met you in person at one point

    We need to find true affordable cures to all cancers

  • Thank you so much for this. I wanna cry!! There are no good videos on this platform regarding PTSD/Trauma and intimacy. I ended up with complex PTSD from my upbringing that developed when I was 10, and went completely untreated until I was 16.

    In addition to the PTSD and everything that came with it, I developed vaginismus. I’d had it for as long as I’ve had my period and PTSD, I was never able to use tampons. And although odd, I never thought much of it until I was in my first relationship at 14/15.

    I looked up what I was experiencing, found my diagnosis, and went for an exam with a gyno right after I turned 15. My experience was horrible. She wouldn’t tell me what she was going to do before she did it, and regardless of me being in pain and squirming she kept going. I’m pretty sure I disassociated, because I believe it lasted longer than the bits I remembered. She couldn’t even get the tip of her finger on me, but it felt like knives for hours afterwards. She also said I was too young to have vaginismus, that it would likely correct itself in a year or so, but that I “probably don’t want to wait that long”, and laughed at me.

    The invalidation was so harmful for my psyche, as was the extremely triggering incident itself. But I got a set of dilators and began treating myself for my condition, and made so much progress from where I had begun. I had started experiencing symptoms of vulvodynia at one point, and also wanted a second opinion on my vaginismus. So by 16, I went to someone else for a second opinion. She talked through everything she was doing, commending me for being proactive and advocating for myself, and congratulated me on all the progress I’ve made, and was even able to get a speculum in me. She said she felt like she was talking to someone much older, that I was very well spoken and mature for my age. She diagnosed me with vaginismus and vulvodynia, and gave me a prescription referral for a pelvic floor physical therapist. I was so happy walking out of there that day that I almost started crying.

    I’ve been seeing therapists for other mental health issues (that began after the PTSD had developed) since I was in 8th grade, but none of them ever felt it necessary to go into my trauma. Either they didn’t think it meant much, or they flat out refused because they had a specific treatment plan and timeline in place. It took me YEARS to fully comprehend what I was even experiencing, but by the time I started receiving treatment it was all so clear. I started seeing my current therapist, certified in trauma and who does EMDR therapy, a couple months after that last doctors appointment.

    I was finally actually diagnosed with PTSD, learning so much more about myself and my trauma, and finally able to start processing it. I know I have a long way to go, but I also know I won’t know how much progress I’ve truly made until I’m in a potentially triggering situation. I haven’t worn a bathing suit since I was in middle school, I hate going to doctors and rarely do because they’re such a trigger, I’m okay letting people in emotionally, but physically has been a completely different story.

    The furthest I had ever gone with the person I was in my first and only relationship with, was getting half naked in front of one another. All it took was for me to be standing there in my bra and underwear to completely disassociate. There’s so much blank space in the middle, him and everything around me felt so foreign. Despite knowing him, despite being in my own room. My own body didn’t even feel like mine. After crawling under the covers and putting my shirt back on so I wasn’t so exposed, I don’t remember anything else until we were sitting upright on the other side of the bed, and I ended up consoling him, while he cried on my shoulder for at least half an hour, fearing he’d done something wrong and gone too far from the way I reacted.

    I haven’t been anywhere near that close with someone since. Even just being alone with or too close to a certain person can trigger me. It starts with me feeling vulnerable, then I automatically feel violated even if that’s not the reality of the situation, then I feel gross and disgusting, and if I still don’t get out of the situation, I’ll end up disassociating, because at that point my brain realizes I’m not going to go into flight, and goes into damage control mode. I’ve only ever kissed one other person, and with them I felt nothing. Maybe partly because I didn’t have the emotional connection I would have needed to have to feel something (I’m demisexual), but who knows. Every interaction with that person that was anything close to intimate is triggering to me looking back at it, and makes me feel so gross and violated.

    And the idea of being truly intimate and vulnerable with someone scares me so much, because I don’t know how my PTSD brain will react, and I don’t know if I’ll end up triggering body memories. I know I won’t even think about putting myself in a situation like that until I’m so sure about what I want to do and am in love with the person I’m with. There are so many different things that have to be considered and be perfect for things to possibly go right, it makes me wonder if I’ll ever find someone who fits with me like that. I hope I do. But it’ll probably be a while.

    But Meghan, thank you so much for sharing your story with us, and all your wonderful advice and tips for facing intimacy with another person after experiencing trauma. I’m so grateful for you and everything you do to try and educate and help others, it’s amazing. It only felt right to share my story too. I love you. ��

  • This is something I’ve been dealing with recently and the timing of this video could not have been more perfect. I really appreciate you opening up about your own experiences and sharing your thoughts on a difficult topic to discuss. Thank you so much✨ your bravery is helping quite a few people:)

  • I really need to watch this video all the way through later today. I love your other videos and look forward to this one. Only because having trauma can feel so isolating, I don’t trust anyone or anything w/male energy (except for fashion). I keep my circle small with other femmes or femme presenting people, I feel safer that way. I also avoid men as much as possible. But either way still want to watch your video. Love you ❤️

    Edit: Through sharing your story you help others to cope and heal. You are awesome for making this video and for being so candid. Sending you love always ��

  • I know it’s a hard topic but you touch on the difference between rape and abuse. And how things happened with your story like how that lead up I just want to get educated on how things happened and how to know just know. What do you recommend on situations that happens with sketchy people that scare you I guess I don’t know what I’m saying but love you lots girl and you’re such an inspiration to the women and people on the Internet much love!

  • When Higher Power wants our body form to leave us, it will. Whether healthy or not. The Buddhists cry when a baby is born and rejoice when they die knowing that our soul and spirit never dies and love never dies. You will be greeted on the “ other side” by those that have a karmic connection with you and they will guide you to where you will go to subjectively review your life’s experience and to prepare you for your next incarnation.
    Yes, our loved ones suffer because they can no longer see your form and we miss that. But your memory will always be in those that love you. Love never dies. It’s the only thing that doesn’t.
    All love to all who loved you,
    Al

  • I’m TERRIFIED to date or end up in a serious relationship. I’ve never been in a serious relationship but i just don’t see good examples of relationships around me (besides YouTubers but they’re not my personal friends). Between trauma from childhood and religious trauma I can’t see myself ever opening up to someone. But this video was probably my favorite out of all the sextember series. I’m glad I’m not alone in this! I’m trying to work on myself

  • Thank you for this. I was assaulted 2 years ago and never really processed it until recently. I’ve started doing EMDR with my therapist and it’s been super helpful and I finally feel like I can be with someone without feeling the weight of my past in every intimate moment.

  • A huge trigger for me is having sex while sleeping. I know some people are really into it, waking up to sex but I can’t. It’s a hugeeeee trigger for me & I’m glad I’m with someone who understands that.

  • I’m up at almost 5 am and so thankful this video popped up. Tbh I haven’t watched your videos in such a long time but when you first started on YT i always felt such a genuine vibe from you. A lot of your old videos helped me thru tough times, as well as lil things like music and book suggestions. Regardless, I desperately needed this video. Thank you for never dimming your light Meghan ��

  • thank u for posting this. i reported my assault to my school and nothing happened because there was not enough evidence and it was not rape. that made me feel so invalidated and i have all these ptsd symptoms and it feels so confusing because i feel like I can’t say I was assaulted because it wasn’t bad enough

  • This really did help me feel a lot less by my self in this and like my flashbacks and trauma and mental blocks will eventually ease up. Thanks meg and thanks especially for being so open. ��

  • I’m honestly so thankful for this video. I’ve gone through the same exact things and I processed it the same way too. I’m happy I can relate to someone because I never have been able to. Thank you for being you:)

  • I sincerely hope that she knew the lord and made everything right before her death!.. The rapture is very near and bible prophecy is taking place before our very eyes! My ex wife whom I really loved died from breast cancer… Let us remember that nothing in this world is permanent!

  • Meghan thank you so much for voicing all this. I was sexually assaulted back about 6 years ago, didn’t really let myself understand that it was abuse, and this year started processing that it was rape. I’ve been in a relationship with a different partner for almost 6 years now but suddenly had serious sex aversion and didn’t know why. A few therapy sessions later we worked through that I was raped and my whole world collapsed. I’m still trying to figure out how to fix my relationship with sex, and this video was so helpful and healing <3

  • I just wanted to come on here and let you know that I came to this video in the midst of a pretty bad panic attack, and this soothed my mind and my heart more than I can ever explain. Just listening to your wise view on trauma is such an inspiration and source of peace. Meghan, I’ve been subscribed to you for so many years and you have ALWAYS been a source of truth and peace for me. It breaks my heart that something like this happened to you while I was unknowingly watching your vlogs and videos. I am so proud of your strength and ability to take that horrible experience and spread awareness and advice to people who feel lost and broken. You are such a source of light in my (and countless other’s) life. Thank you, Meg.

  • So many of my best friends and partner have gone through sexual tramua. Thank you for this, it helped me understand more fully what they go through! You’re amazing, love you and all that you do.

  • Thanks meg for the video!❤️
    it’s been about 7years ago for me but I also still get triggers. The man who abused me has already passed on from old age and I went to his funeral since I never told my mom about it. ( he was the father of one of my uncles that isn’t blood related to me) And I don’t know why but I felt dirty, and gross and guilty of something? Everyone was crying about his death and I was crying about what he had done to me. Idk if I regret going to the funeral but, it was and still gives me so many mixed emotions that all I do is get frustrated and cry.
    Anyways thank you for sharing your story, it seriously means a lot ❤️

  • I am age 65 and have designed 6 refreshed gene theraputic targets for various cancer. I watched Tamara speaking of her life and comment thinking about what a challenge it is to continue to refine agents of particular precision…and feel foolish that I sometimes feel frustrated and angry. Because I’m healthy, not facing any particular upset, and should take much more advantage to live. Connecting the dots for me should simply concentrate on best publication of a handbook. [email protected] mysciencework.com that contains (I hope)
    interesting chemistry. And thinking about success at the wet bench, hence to trial.
    Quite for advantage, to a young woman like Tamara. AT any rate, Tamara speaks to me.
    Reminds me to find a still remarkable journey. Sharpen design skill.
    *McGary

  • Her last statements broke my heart <3 Tamara, you are amazing!!! I am proud of who you've become as a person. I hope wherever you are now you're with no pain and full of light <3 <3 <3

  • thanks for being the sister i always needed and for opening up about topics that are hard to talk about! i’m still trying to find the courage to be more open about the things i’ve been through and this video has genuinely helped me so much. i relate to you on such a deep level and i’m just so thankful for you!! you’re amazing and i love you so much�� you strong beautiful woman!!!!!

  • Its a miracle that I am alive today. I encounter HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS (HSV1/2) for good four (4) years, six (6) months and twelve (12) day with my calculations, before I meet the great Dr. Abumere. I am Tina Richard from Fresno California, united state of America and I was affected with herpes virus.Herpes is a viral infection cause by the Herpes simplex virus, marked by painful, watery blister in the skin or mucous membrane or on the genitals. This was what I suffered for good four years. I have visited CVS Pharmacy in Fresno for treatment but no improvement. I meet Dr.Abumere online while I was searching for herpes cure I read a testimony about his work. I give a try that now becomes a testimony in my life. I contacted Dr.Abumere on Email: [email protected] or WhatsApp: +2349021975055

  • “it’s those things that our abusers will never know: how they continued to impede on our relationships throughout the rest of our lives because of that one night or that one day that that happened.” i felt that.

  • I have serious depression and I ask god to take me every day. Why do I have to stay and live yet god takes life from people who want to live. This woman should not of died it’s not fair she wanted to stay it makes me angry

  • I lost my dad 1 month ago for the same diagnosis. Its a heartbreaking diagnosis. My complete world was destroyed the day we had the result. Please use sunscreen.

  • Most of the problems I’ve had with my current boyfriend occurred because of the trauma I had from my first boyfriend. It’s so hard to explain and share but thank you so much for sharing your experience ❤️

  • ah man this video. its literally exactly how i am/how i feel to a t. i was abused and i seriously cannot open up to anyone. im trying to work on self love as best as i can but i still feel caught in the throws of my past. thank you for this video, it really helped me to know that someone is feeling/felt the exact same way i am right now. also im so happy for you that your abuser is in jail, i can only imagine how that feels. i pray my abuser sees jail too one day.

  • my first relationship was mentally, sexually and physically abusive for over a year until i had found out he had been cheating on me for most of it. the whole time i was in such denial of everything that was happening to me and now i deal with so much trauma. the whole process of speaking my truth has been so discouraging. i tried to report my story but there was nothing they could do without going to court and i don’t feel strong enough for that. i just wish they were able to make note of it for the next girl who came forward because there has been so many

  • It took me a hot minute to even watch this video because I thought it would be over-the-moon triggering. But good ole Meghan coming in with the truth and comfort that (at least for me) shows we can grow, do the work, and come out ok on the other end.
    Thank you so much for Sextember!

  • I’ve been with my partner for three years (as of tomorrow) and even though she’s wonderful and respectful and gentle and just altogether such a lovely human being, I still struggle with flashbacks and such from my sexual trauma. I’m only two minutes into this video, but I feel like I need to hear whatever you have to say throughout the rest of this video. You’re awesome, Meghan, thank you so much for this entire series, and more specifically, this video. ❤️

  • Having a partner to talk to is like having your own personal counselor and the best part is you both can communicate and be open up that helps a lot.��

  • Thank you for explaining your symptoms when triggered. For the longest time I just thought the nausea and anxious shaking we’re just about me being broken in some way unrelated to him. Truly, thanks for this entire video ��