How you can Let an Infertile Friend or Relative Know You are Pregnant

 

Carla Telling an Infertile Friend that You’re Pregnant

Video taken from the channel: 5WaitingWombs


 

HOW TO STAY POSITIVE WITH INFERTILITY5 TIPS

Video taken from the channel: ItsKelsiesLife


 

Pregnancy Jealousy During TTC & Infertility

Video taken from the channel: Rachel McGlothlin


 

HOW TO TELL FRIEND STRUGGLING WITH FERTILITY YOU’RE PREGNANT | EILEEN VINCETT

Video taken from the channel: Eileen Vincett


 

How to Support Friends Dealing with Infertility | How to Tell Infertile Friend You are Pregant

Video taken from the channel: Phillips Fam Baby Journey


 

7 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone Struggling With Infertility

Video taken from the channel: Carissa & Brian


 

Infertility when everyone else is pregnant | Kati Morton

Video taken from the channel: Kati Morton


Tips for Letting an Infertile Friend Know You’re Pregnant Here are some ways to make it easier for you both. Tell Her—Don’t Keep Your Pregnancy a Secret Not telling your friend, but telling others may seem protective and easier at first. Most importantly, give your friend a pass when it comes to being there for YOU. Chances are, you have many friends whom you can talk to about your pregnancy fears and anxieties. Let this friend off the hook with that stuff.

Let her come to you and ask questions don’t be mad at her if she backs out of your baby. Sensitive fertile friends of the infertile often feel caught between a rock and a hard place when they want/need to tell their infertile friends that they are pregnant. They know that their good news will be hard to hear. They might even understand that their friend will greet the news with mixed emotions. Whatever you do, don’t try to give advice.

Women who are dealing with infertility know way more about getting pregnant than women who get pregnant after 1-6 months of trying. 7. Invite them to the baby shower but give them an easy out A mistake some often make is not inviting their friend or relative to the baby shower. My close friend has just had her baby. She is aware of my problems with infertility (‘infertile’ seems like a pretty tone-deaf term to use in your title by the way) but not the latest development.

If your friends know about your infertility, they will probably be more understanding. All that said, the number one benefit of sharing is getting support. When you feel ill from some fertility medication you’re taking, or down after another negative pregnancy test, being able to call your sister, cousin, or friend can really help.

If you’re anxious about waiting for a reply, you can text or call the person you’re writing to, and let them know you’re sending a sensitive email you’d like them to read as soon as possible. 5  You can also let them know in your email that you want a reply or phone call soon after they read. It’s okay to ask for that. The best way to cope with pregnancy envy is to accept that your feelings are normal, forgive yourself for feeling upset, and reach out for support.

Be sure your support person will understand your perspective. The person you’re envious of may not be the best one to talk to. Do’s of Telling Infertile Friends You’re Pregnant. Tell them soon.

Don’t let them hear your news from someone else. Tell them privately. Nothing is worse than having to hold in your emotions in a crowd – faking it until you can escape to someplace private to fall apart.

Know What to Say. When you’re not sure what to say, you may want to try one of these responses: How to Let an Infertile Friend or Relative Know You’re Pregnant. Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD Goals for Anyone Trying to Get Pregnant. Medically reviewed by Anita Sadaty, MD Verywell Family.

List of related literature:

Arrange to meet with her by asking her when she would like to connect with you, and where as, depending on her situation, she may need to be seen quickly, in order to facilitate discussions about managing early-pregnancy symptoms or to talk about screening options.

“Joints and Connective Tissues: General Practice: The Integrative Approach Series” by Kerryn Phelps, Craig Hassed
from Joints and Connective Tissues: General Practice: The Integrative Approach Series
by Kerryn Phelps, Craig Hassed
Elsevier Health Sciences APAC, 2012

Tell her that pregnancy cannot be determined until she misses her next period.

“Study Guide for Foundations of Maternal-Newborn and Women's Health Nursing” by Sharon Smith Murray, MSN, RN, C, Emily Slone McKinney, MSN, RN, C
from Study Guide for Foundations of Maternal-Newborn and Women’s Health Nursing
by Sharon Smith Murray, MSN, RN, C, Emily Slone McKinney, MSN, RN, C
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2013

When he asks, tell him that a new baby is coming, but don’t stress that it will be a brother or sister.

“Caring for Your Baby and Young Child” by Steven P. Shelov
from Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
by Steven P. Shelov
Oxford University Press, 1997

tell the child about being adopted, and potential health concerns related to the birth parents or family, if known.

“Pediatric Primary Care E-Book” by Catherine E. Burns, Ardys M. Dunn, Margaret A. Brady, Nancy Barber Starr, Catherine G. Blosser, Dawn Lee Garzon Maaks
from Pediatric Primary Care E-Book
by Catherine E. Burns, Ardys M. Dunn, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2012

Inform her that if she does become pregnant she should contact the pregnancy registry.

“2020 Nurse's Drug Handbook” by Jones & Bartlett Learning
from 2020 Nurse’s Drug Handbook
by Jones & Bartlett Learning
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2019

If they are pregnant and having worrisome symptoms, a transvaginal ultrasound should be performed to determine the location of the pregnancy; referral to the ED may be appropriate.

“Burns' Pediatric Primary Care E-Book” by Dawn Lee Garzon Maaks, Nancy Barber Starr, Margaret A. Brady, Nan M. Gaylord, Martha Driessnack, Karen Duderstadt
from Burns’ Pediatric Primary Care E-Book
by Dawn Lee Garzon Maaks, Nancy Barber Starr, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2019

It is helpful to tell her there is no indication so far that her babies are in any danger, so right now it is best to continue doing the things that have to be done; if any problems should arise, the health care team and a woman’s family will be there to support her.

“Maternal & Child Health Nursing: Care of the Childbearing & Childrearing Family” by Adele Pillitteri
from Maternal & Child Health Nursing: Care of the Childbearing & Childrearing Family
by Adele Pillitteri
Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2010

Acknowledge the client’s pregnancy and allow her to discuss her feelings about what the pregnancy means.

“Maternity and Pediatric Nursing” by Susan Scott Ricci, Terri Kyle
from Maternity and Pediatric Nursing
by Susan Scott Ricci, Terri Kyle
Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2009

He has teeny tiny fingers that look just like yours”) If she’s wondering why you’re always going to the doctor, invite her along on a visit (tell her it’s a “checkup” for the baby), so that she can listen to her little sibling’s heartbeat and watch your belly being measured.

“What to Expect: The Second Year” by Heidi Murkoff
from What to Expect: The Second Year
by Heidi Murkoff
Simon & Schuster UK, 2012

When she arrives and before she says anything, I just know that she’s pregnant and I offer to help her lose the baby if she wants.

“Astrology and Your Past Lives” by Jeanne Avery
from Astrology and Your Past Lives
by Jeanne Avery
Cosimo, 2004

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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71 comments

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  • My buddy and her spouse have been wanting to have a child for 3 years. Their advisors have not been able to assist them as well. She bought this guide with sticking to the directions in the plan for 2 months, they to be expectant. You can learn about this guide more by getting to Google. The name is Sofia Goρazna
    Take care

  • I experienced something similar, after about a year of trying, my brother in law and his new girlfriend fell pregnant unexpectedly after being a couple for 2 months… it was heartbreaking for us because of all aspects of the situation that would be my in laws first grandchild… none the less we were happy for them. Fast forward about 2 days after we received the news, she tragically miscarried and it was just a whole rush of emotions over the few days, angry, sad, happy, accepting, then sad again…

  • Katie thank you for this!! Where were you 12 years ago lol. Infertility is so touch especially when all your friends are having babies and ditch you because you’re not in the mom club. Plus that maternal heartache you totally get it girl!!

  • I cried so hard watching this. I’ve been off birth control for over 2 years and still nothing. Im fortunate to be so young but its like my body doesn’t work like a woman is supposed to. And i get so mad at myself with every negative preg test. Maybe God is trying to tell me its not time. But.. i struggle with deep depression because i do not work like a woman should. This is the first video ive seen that has hit my heart about my problem and make me realize how women who do have children are so very blessed. I too can not wait for the struggles and stress of having a baby and i would and is willing to adopt but i do want to experience all that a woman experiences when she has a baby. I can not wait to have morning sickness, and a fat belly, and stretch marks. Its all gonna be so worth it. ������

  • I had a hard time telling one of my close friends about my pregnancies in the past and probably went about it the wrong way. In the future I’ll be sure to use these tips so I can be more respectful towards her feelings ❤️ thanks for sharing

  • When you have married a person you wanted to marry then it is better to love each other and understand each other during this phase. Don’t leave your partner because of it and adopt children.
    It could happen to anyone. Focus on doing good actions.

  • I had 2 ectopic pregnancies, lost 2 babies and my right Fallopian tube, and 3 rounds of chemo to end my pregnancies due to them being stuck in my tube. Thank you for this video ��❤️ I’ve been crying every day for almost 2 years. I’m starting IVF in a couple days and looking forward to it. I appreciate your video and talking about this real issue that is not talked that much.

    I’ve let my family know what I’m going through, and nobody cares. No one came to see me in the hospital both times and no one asked me how I’m doing, and when I reach out for help all but one friend actually cares. I would get one respond back when I’m in tears from other friends saying “you’ll be fine, stay strong” and that’s it. I now know who my true friends are.

  • I’m almost 40 now and I have fibromyalgia but when I was healthier my boyfriend and I could have dealt with my infertility and had babies. He always told me he wanted kids but over 5 years into our relationship he told me we weren’t going to have kids. My heart has been broken ever since. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knew that. I still do and I don’t know how to deal with it. My doctor said that if I didn’t have kids by my 30’s I might as well give up. I’m so broken hearten. I’m still with him cause my self esteem is so beaten down by him and my health issues. Who would want a woman who can’t have babies or someone who’s in constant pain and has depression? I’m not a catch. I’ve always spoiled my friends babies and nephews and even helped raise them when they were going through rough times. Things are different now cause everyone has bailed on me due to my dis functional relationship and my health. My boyfriend and I aren’t living together. I live alone and my life is falling apart. Im so alone.

  • Well I must have some real selfish and inconsiderate family because the more I tried to communicate and explain what I was feeling and what I was going through, the more they became insensitive and hurtful in the way they acted and with the things they say. I wish I never told anyone. Now I’ve isolated myself from family and all they do is continue to say hurtful things like how I’m jealous, that I need to just get over it, that I’ve made it into some baby or infertility competition.

  • Thank you Kati for this great video. There are many people around who actually are going through all of this and many of them can’t cope with somebody’s positive results. I was one of them not so long time ago but now I feel much better. I joined several Facebook supporting groups and some forums. I’ve found there many pen-friends who I can share my problems with. And I know, if my hubbie can’t help me or spend some time with me due to his job, I can chat with those who are in the same boat with me.

  • Hey Kati!! So much love for your channel, my mom and I have received so much reassurance from your videos:)
    I was wondering if you had any book recommendations for people interested in entering the psychology field professionally! And also what some of your other general favorite books are:)
    Warm regards!

  • Don’t lose faith: it took me 9 years trying naturally. My mom had a baby at 43( also naturally) If u do choose to try iui or ivf and your worried about the cost then Clarissa come to india.The drs are really very good and it costs less than a quarter of the price in your country

  • I’ve been to a support group and sometimes they are good and sometimes bad. There was one where the person running it ended up being very mean and rude to me and started ganging up on me with others as well. It was awful. She also used my depression issues to insult me and also said she didn’t care if I had a miscarriage. Thanks…I just needed to vent.�� Other support groups have been great, you just have to be careful I guess.��

  • I am having a non-stop crying watching all your videos journey. Me and my husband married and trying to conceive until now (almost a year), i am 30YO (clock ticking!). It is really hurtful words to say, for those who have said these to you or people like us who struggling to conceive even my annoying taiwanese doctor (no racist implied). I did ovulated this month and still on 7DPO (No sign of pregnancy and negative test results) and the doctor who has been checking dang Ms. V keep saying “come on, relax, you are still young, your uterus is healthy). “I WANT A BABYYYYY DOCTOR!!!!!”
    I am praying to you and all women on earth who struggle with infertility or struggle to conceive, May Allah Bless us and send us a Miracles, Amin

  • Screaming in my car was the only place I could express my extreme feelings of grief, rage, and unfairness after losing a baby right after my 45th birthday and having my 3 closest siblings 2 sisters and a SIL get pregnant and have babies at 41 and 44. Two of them were 44 and these were unplanned. One already had 5 kids. A few years later, the 41 y/o had a baby at almost 45. I’m 50 now and had another miscarriage at 47. No more babies for me, it seems. It’s been impossible for me to be around my family these past 5 years. I feel as if the situation has orphaned me. I have a huge family, 12 siblings, and I imagine all of them have now aged-out of getting pregnant. I hope so. It has been awful. I’ve had a lot of counseling. Hypnotherapy helped the most with my PTSD, but I still have avoidant behaviors and cannot think of their situations with neutral or positive thoughts. The whole thing just ruined my life. I am not ruined now but cannot imagine how I might rejoin my family. They were completely lacking in compassion, and my mom just had nothing to give me. They did not want to hear about it. It caused a huge upsurge of grief from lack of emotional care as a child. I entered a deep well of grief that I have had to work extremely hard to climb out of.

  • I wish there were more videos like this one! Thank you so much for raising this topic! I’m so sick of people asking when we will have a baby! They can’t even imagine how painful this question is for someone who struggles with infertility! I’ve started responding with “when everything starts working”. I’m sick of people asking DH if he needs to be shown how it’s done. I’m sick of people saying “stop thinking about it and it will happen”. I’ve been bit overwhelmed with everything in my life and feeling a bit like a failure… In April I’ve got pregnant after 4 months of ttc without fertility treatments. Unfortunately m/c at 9 and 1/2 weeks. I’m still crying when I think about it… Because of my age and some fertility issues, my chances to gp are pretty low. This’s so hard to accept but I know I need to move on. But thank goodness for all replies in the comment section! It’s so nice to see people who face the same thing I do every day of my life! I know you can relate.

  • Been dealing with this with my Fiancee for almost 17 months. Its really hard and has hurt our relationship tremendously, We both are going to a fertility institute, hope this works. Prayers to everyone going through this, & baby dust

  • Thanks a lot for the video! I’ve just been feeling very depressed lately… Recently my sis-in-law announced she’s expecting. And here we go again… I just found out my husband’s little brother and his girlfriend of 4 months are having a baby! It bothers me so bad I cry all the time. Seems everyone around is having babies! All celebrities suddenly got pregnant! My insta and fb feed filled with pregnant bellies and babies! We’re finally planning to have IVF with donor eggs. We’re going to Ukraine in a couple of mnths to start the cycle. I’ve had 4 IVF cycles. 2 failed, other 2 ended up with m/c. So tired and exhausted! I just want to be a mom…

  • Kati, I recently subscribed to your channel and I so needed this. When I was 17 I found out I’m not able to have kids at all but I could do adoption, surrogate, or fostering. It still upsets me but I’m pushing through and sometimes I need reassurance like this. So I thank you for talking about this.

  • I am having infertility issues but I haven’t been having any issues with what other people do with their children or own bodies. The only issue I am currently having is getting upset and feeling like a failure due to having low progesterone. (They will be investigating my partner’s sperm quality in a few days.) Other people being able to have children or not isn’t really any of my concern. If anything I try not to seem like a weirdo when I observe what parents and their offspring does, when they are near me.
    I am also getting slightly annoyed that my mother seems overly concerned about my mental health and the toll not being able to conceive for two years is having on me. This includes excluding a friend of her’s from lunch with me because her friend keeps getting pregnant at the drop of a pin and my mother feels it would be unfair on me. (Her friend is pregnant and I have been rooting for her throughout the whole thing. ) I told her I wasn’t bothered and just hoped both of them were doing ok. A few months later she took me to a hotel that has a nice swimming pool and felt really bad because she didn’t realise that they were teaching babies how to swim with their parents. My mother was overly apologetic and I told her it was fine. I just observed what was going on once in a while and asked my mum some questions about me and my brother’s swimming habits. I thought the swimming instructor was amazing in how she taught both parents and children.
    If anything, people apologising and making a fuss over me is quite annoying. I don’t really need to hear “Just relax and not think about it.” “Just keep trying and it will happen!” “Your time will come! I promise!” “You will make an amazing mum!” If anything, it is those comments and the like actually upset me. A simple “Sorry to hear you are having difficulties but I wish you luck in conceiving.” or something simple like it would be fine.

    I am very open about the fact that I am having fertility issues and do not seek pity when I talk to people. Just an acknowledgment that I am going through something difficult.

  • I HATE hearing the “don’t stress” or “it’ll happen eventually!”/”Don’t rush into it, you’ll be thankful to have those years on your own without kids.”

    No, bitch. I WILL stress about it, because it’s hard having to go through every month wondering if it’ll finally happen. And “it’ll happen eventually”, YOU DON’T KNOW THAT. My body is not your body, they do not function the same. And if ONE MORE PERSON tries to tell me how soon I should or shouldn’t be having kids, I think I might scream.

    I told my husband way before we started trying, that it wouldn’t be easy to get pregnant because of PCOS. Now, months later, we’re finding out that there may be other issues besides that, that could be a factor to the struggle we’ve been having. And it’s so hard, I hate going out in public everyday, or seeing any of my friends who have kids. It hurts so much, because I don’t want to come across as bitchy for not seeing them, but it makes me want to cry every single time I have to see them with their kids. It’s getting to a point now where I don’t think I’ll be able to get pregnant naturally. And none of them know what to say, because none of them had the issues I’m having.

    Thank God for my older sister, who’s gone through all of the same struggles as I am now, because at least I have somebody I can talk to that understands.

  • Thank you. I don’t struggle with infertility but my situation doesn’t allow me to start a family yet. I’m in a long distance relationship for 4 years (which is already hard enough) but I want with all my heart to start a family with him. He will be finishing and getting his degree in two months. I’m 27 and live alone, but all I want is start a family and live with him. My Facebook feed is all about newborns and second pregnancy..:'(

  • My sister found out she was pregnant for the second time after being a very ill adult. I was hoping and telling myself she wasn’t before she took any tests partly because she is very high risk, partly because she already has a child, and I don’t. I can’t. I feel so awful when all she talks about now is baby things; when she invites me over, I want to say yes, but I sometimes say no because it makes me so angry with myself. I’m a female, I should be able to reproduce. I work in a school setting with young kids but it’s not enough anymore. I want children but know my body can’t.

  • Kati, I just wanted to say thank you. This video helped me so much. Recently my best friend and mother of my godchildren told me she was pregnant for the second time. While I was so excited for her and her family, I also felt incredibly guilty for feeling sad and envious. Envious that both of her pregnancies were in the “not trying but not preventing” category and sad, maybe even angry, because I knew she did not enjoy her last pregnancy and spent quite a lot of time voicing complaints to me about how much she didn’t enjoy being pregnant. I firmly believe she is allowed to feel that was but I felt like she wasn’t picking her audience well, knowing I have PCOS and infertility issues. Today I worked up the courage, after rewatching this video, to ask her to only share the positives with me and to voice her dislikes of her pregnancy to another audience. I knew I needed to set that boundary for my own mental health and it worked. My friend was really receptive and told me she would 100% only share the positives with me after not realizing she was being so negative. Thank you again Kati. <3

  • This is a greatly video Katy, I’m 30 now and all I see is my friends preg scans, baby pic, they are on their 2 3 4 5 kid and I am not even close. I’m single and can’t find the right man I want to do it the right way but 2018 is hard to meet someone. I keep getting why haven’t to settled down kids etc you would be a great mum etc yeah I know. But it hurts seeing friends pics but don’t get me wrong sooo sooo happy for then but tears inside. My friendship have vanished because they have kids and dont have time to see me. I look at baby pics pining over a baby ��

  • Yes, it could happen. It’s just your disparity. Don’t worry. It’s going to be alright. We must take good care. Never think like that. All happiness have it’s time. It’s going to be helpful.

  • I’m almost 24 and I’m infertile. Nearly everyone I grew up with have kids or are pregnant. I’m happy for them but i do get really sad at times. I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years and I want a baby of my own too:(

  • It’s so hard to see my wife go through this. I’m the type who wants to fix a problem as soon as it comes up. Having to sit on the sidelines when she just needs to cry is so hard to see. It breaks my heart, but it’s not about me. I just wish I could make all of her pain go away.

    It’s financially, emotionally, and physically straining. This is one situation where having a lot of money would help tremendously. IVF is about $16,000 per round and it usually takes a few tries. Insurance does not cover it in California. Funny thing is, we just moved here from Massachusetts, which completely covers it.

  • I am going to the exact story of the person who wrote you. An it isn’t jealousy but you just want to have a child to. I am happy for them but sad for myself. ��

  • This really struck me in my core. You really don’t realize how much you’re stuffing down until you explode (ie. crying, etc) at something seemingly innocent. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. <3

  • My best friend in the world is pregnant right now and I just sent her a text yesterday apologizing for how distant I’ve become.
    So here’s my question, a little expansion on the topics in the video if you will. Anytime I openly talk about my infertility with family or friends, usually the first response is offering some type of fix. “Have you tried _?” “Well my friend did _ and got pregnant immediately!” “Well, there’s always adoption!” “It must not be the right time for you guys.”
    I’ve realized that this, for me, hurts worse than people realize because I just wanted some support, and obviously if I’ve been struggling with infertility for 8 years, I’ve looked into everything. How does everyone else deal with this?

  • Thank you foe this….this has been a struggle for me lately.

    I have a lot of health issues that could be passed on to my kids (as does my husband’s side), and we made the tough decision to not have kids bc we could not risk having them go thru what we are going thru. Also, pregnancy could be dangerous for me and possibly the baby.

    I was on the fence about having kids when i was younger and thought i would be ok without having them, but ever since getting married recently and now being in my early 30s, i have been struggling a lot with the fact that ill never be a mom, never be able to give my husband a child, and like this is just another thing my body has prevented me from doing. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this, so its been tough

  • This is really interesting and connects lots of interesting tip, specially with making baby showers more interesting and fun for everyone

  • Secondary infertility has been a bear for us the last couple years. While I love and support my friends and their families, a month or so ago I had to take a Facebook fast. I have between 2 friends of mine announcing their 5th baby since we have had our son 4 1/2 years ago. Fertility help and miscarriage have made it a difficult time as well. Taking a social media break has helped immensely for me. I have also been struggling with feeling guilty for wanting another baby when we have a healthy son and there are others that struggle so much longer to have their first.

  • Thank you for your video! ❤️ My husband and I have been trying to convieve for 11 months now without any results. I’m starting to feel hopeless. Everyone says it’s easy to concieve when you are young. Well I’m 25 soon and it doesn’t seem very easy:( Sometimes it feels like Youtube is full of “I’m pregnant!” -announcement videos. It’s nice to see a video from someone who is going through same thing that us. Thank you, your video gave me hope❤️ Stay strong! Ps. Sorry my bad english…

  • This helps me alot. I am in the stagr of coping up on infertility. I pray I wake up one day that I don’t feel hurt and envious. I just want to be happy whatever my situation.

  • Racheal, I love watching your videos. Keep uploading. There are so many things you said that I could relate to. I think infertility journey is extremely difficult to go through. However, if you have people who are going through it as well you feel a lot better. It is as if like you are not a lot. Infertility jealousy is something I myself haven’t been through but I can completely understand what it might feel like. Sending baby dust to all those who are trying to conceive.

  • I just lost another baby through miscarriage, this video is has such great information. Thank you for talking about this issue again. These videos are very healing for me. My heart goes out to all the others also struggling to have a baby. ❤️

  • I’ve dealt with 5 miscarriages, 2 later ones in pregnancy, one being born alive then dying immediately after. I’ve been told I can not carry a child, it’s been over a year and I still feel the hurt in my heart, I wondering how long will it take to get over this and accept it.

  • Thank you. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for 10 years. I found some coping in blogging about our story and talking about it here on YouTube. Infertility is the most painful thing I’ve ever (and still am) experiencing.

  • I may not know what it’s like to be infertile (but have never been tested either so I don’t know) but I think many tips in this video are also good in situations where all my friends have partners and are buying houses, i know children is just the next step for them and I’m single and depressed. I find it hard to look at their happiness (of course I’m glad they are happy!) while my own life is falling apart.

  • It`s been three months since I have attempted to have a baby and now I am looking for something new to try. Luckily, I tried this guide The plan is awesome at assisting you study your periods and signs to see your body`s distinctions. I`m heartening my buddies to attempt to plan. See much more about this wonderful method on Google. The name is Sofia Goρazna
    take care

  • Kati, your videos are wonderfully informative but could you please lower the pitch and speed of your voice? Your speaking pace is practically manic (pardon the pun)! Thanks!

  • Yes, this is the thing that few talk about, Its normal to be jealous of women’s conceiving or having babies. While you stay remained TTC. It’s worst stage. I too feel jealous most of the times.

  • I can’t agree more. Infertility and TTC are already a tough time. Jealousy makes it harder. It is not like you like being in that position. You cant just help it. I hope women get more strength. To not get jealous of someone else.

  • I trust you are fine. It is a wonderful video. I can identify with what you said. We are in almost the same situation. It is never simple to manage desire. A lady constantly needed an infant. I know how much a lady needs a child. I have faced infertility for 10 years. Surrogacy worked for me at last. I have an infant now. I have no more stresses now.

  • Sorry to disappoint everybody but the feelings don’t wear off in time. I got married two years ago and started trying three months after we got married. His sister married four months after us and I was so excited I was going to her wedding and I was going to tell everybody I am pregnant. But I was not… Not so bad, I thought. I started going to the doctor to see what’s wrong and he gave me some natural medicines and asked me to come back in three months… Two months after my sister-in-law’s wedding she called us to tell us SHE WAS PREGNANT!!! I started crying and praying and telling God he is being really mean… Well, one month later she suffered a miscarriage. I was devasted and felt so awful like it was my fault that baby died. Then, two months later, SHE WAS PREGNANT AGAIN!!! I was afraid to pray again so I tried to force myself to be happy for her. Honestly, I adore my niece! But there are days where I just lose my shit and I am angry at my sister-in-law (she has been kinda rude to me whilst pregnant and knowing too well about my struggles). So, it’s not fading away 100% is a matter of fighting every single day with your feelings.

  • Infertility and TTC are presently an exceptional time. Begrudge makes it harder. It doesn’t enjoy you like being in that position. You cant just support it. I trust women get greater quality. I’m encountering IVF in July at a repro centre in Europe. Along these lines, you, for the most part, need to contribute more vitality to achieve something.

  • #katiFAQ Hey kati, I suffer with depression, anxiety and dissociation for over an year. Now… I have no idea where my suffering comes from, but my therapist said it seems as if it was something traumatizing I went through. But I’ve never been. At least I can’t remember. What do you think about that?

  • hey there! I hope you are doing great. this was such a cute video. infertility is a growing problem. it’s a huge problem. TTC is one of the hardest periods in a woman’s life. it’s a very tough time. you have to be really strong and careful during the time.

  • I am single and 35. I am childless more due to circumstances. I have social anxiety and don’t date. I know that is not the same as infertility. But, I still go through similar feelings that you described. I would really love if you could also do a video about this. As other posts have said, no one really sympathizes with people like me. People just view it as my fault. Which I know it is but that is why this hurts so much. I will blame myself very harshly for not being competent enough to have a family like most of my peers.

  • As someone who was really struggling to accept infertility issues, I’ll never forget the compassion and forethought from my sister-in-law and her husband. They learned they were expecting their first child and had plans to announce it with the final gift being opened at Christmas. SIL asked her husband to take me aside privately to tell me, make sure I was okay, and to give me time to prepare myself (for several hours!) before the big announcement. And checked to see if my husband needed the same or if he’d be okay with the surprise. It meant so much and made me much more able to participate in the excitement when the announcement came out. Also so grateful for Sisters in Law who gave me moral support at (or helped with my excuses not to go to) Baby Showers, when I wasn’t ready to talk about it publicly. For those who haven’t experienced it, there are so many ways to help, while still celebrating your own growing family.

  • Thanks for the great advice Kati. I’m also dealing with this and the best thing you’ve said is I need to let myself cry it out. I tend to hide how much it hurts because I’m afraid people will think I’m looking for pity.

  • I needed this. I needed to hear this. I cry over commercials, over cards, over music, etc. What you said really hit me. I think its finally time to look up therapists in my area.

  • So I still track my fertility with an app and just doing that is a reminder of when we were trying for a long time It’s just occurred to me that maybe downloading a different app would give my head a break from the association. I just hate that thing so much, but my body being the way it is, tracking is a necessary evil. So there’s a potentially helpful tip.

  • I’m going through an ugly custody battle at the moment and have family members pregnant. It’s really hard. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

  • Hey Kati, how you doing? I would like to know if it’s normal to enjoy being alone. Like, all the time. I live by myself and I personally enjoy a lot not socializing. Not that I’m scared of it, I just enjoy more to stay home by myself doing my things, cleaning, reading, watching YouTube or anything, pretty much.
    Is that normal? Shouldn’t we all enjoy seeing friends or hanging out?
    Thank you. Have a nice day:)

  • For me personally, the hardest part of infertility is meeting with pregnant women. It seems everyone in the whole wide world is pregnant at the moment. About half the staff at work is pregnant, several close friends, my SIL, some random walking down the road… The list goes on. Even one of DH’s buddies had a bit of a fling and now they have a baby on the way. I’m so frustrated because many of them have waited to the last possible minute to tell me. They thought I’d be upset at the news, which of course, selfishly, I was… But dammit…now I’m upset that they waited to tell me! I want to start my 3rd IVF cycle asap. Two previous cycles didn’t work. I had a m/c in June… It still hurts. But I just want this infertility struggle to end. We’ll be using donor eggs. Hopefully this time IVF will work. I wish everyone best of luck with your treatments!

  • I struggled with this so much when my best friend told me she was pregnant, which was an unplanned pregnancy. Even to this day, I feel “jealous” when I see her interacting with her beautiful daughter. I wouldn’t call it jealousy, though. It is more of a longing. I long to be pregnant and experience the things she is experiencing now with her daughter. Thank you for making this video! This is definitely a topic that doesn’t get talked about enough.

  • Wow Kati. I don’t have this problem but I felt like the advice for this video could be applied to many issues. Ty. A good question could be: How do you deal with not wanting your parents to get close with your mental health but they seem to want to understand? Then they also talked to therapist when she thought you didn’t have something that she says you do and she can see it now? My parents have a bad habit of involving their self where I don’t want them too. Also think it’d be too difficult for them to understand

  • It makes makes remember a news article where a couple that’s trying to get a baby and the doctor discovered that the couple was having sex wrong.

  • I have a crazy story. I was at a bible study 7 months pregnant with my 6th child and someone announced they were pregnant. I was a bit jealous!!! What’s wrong with me??? I could never understand that.

  • It’s funny how fertile women get pregnant even without trying whilst infertile women have to go through hell and back to concieve..sometimes I wish I could loan my womb or eggs to all infertile women out there ��..I would be miserable if I didnt have a child.praying for all of you guys ❤❤❤❤ and sending baby dust your way

  • I’m telling you too that i am going to also have two beautiful daughters through surrogacy,It helped us to get our heaven.We are not from here.We moved to Ukraine for surrogacy.Japan has banned surrogacy.First we moved to Europe there we contacted many clinics.But after 4 months we fount out that there are many good clinics in Ukraine.So we moved to Ukraine.

    With the help of clinic in Ukraine we will have two daughters.

  • I’m very fertile but my husband has fertility issues I hate being told “it must be something wrong with you” Um you realize it takes sperm to get pregnant..

  • I have sciatica and my husband and I have been TTC for a year now and I was with my sister who knows we have been trying, my sister who got pregnant without even trying, and I said my back was hurting and her response was “ha, try being pregnant” that is the worst thing I’ve heard I also hate the “it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen” or “ maybe you’re just not meant to be a mom…” the worst part is that this all comes from FAMILY

  • I think the worst thing someone has told me when I’ve been trying to conceive is to “just stop trying and it will happen on its own like it’s supposed to”. I think some people lack empathy and since they aren’t going through what we are going through, they have no idea how it comes off. It’s hard. It’s hard to hear when people tell me that having kids is hard and that I’m probably better off. That one really gets to me. It’s only hard for them because they got pregnant fast and easy that they might be less appreciative of their fertility. If I’m ever lucky enough to have a “sticky bean” it’ll be a miracle I will appreciate everyday. It will never be too hard to wake up in the middle of the night to feed my baby that’s crying or have morning sickness or have to take the day off from work to take care of my sick child or having to cancel plans because I have a baby. It’ll be a blessing, but only because of what I went through. Also what is hard, is that people know I’m trying, so every month they ask me “did it happen yet?!” and every month I have to tell them nope, it hasn’t happened yet. It’s extremely difficult.

  • I often get ‘You’re so lucky you don’t have kids!’ from people who admittedly don’t know me that well. Obviously it never crosses their mind that being childless may not be a choice. It takes all my strength not to shout at them ‘Actually I’m very unlucky not to have kids, you idiot!’ Someone asked me if I thought my husband would leave me for someone who could give him children. How crazy a person should be to say such things?? Well I do my best to just ignore such people. I don’t think they actually know the impact of what they’re saying or asking. I’m sure I was sometimes a complete b*tch prior to struggling with infertility asking about others ttc. I was asking this out of curiosity because I was ttcing myself. But I never meant to hurt anyone… I didn’t know what to say! I was naive! I was just making conversation! I’m now going through de IVF and find these comments upsetting. But hey all you can do is take comments in the spirit in which they are intended. I find it comforting to think we are not on the receiving end of these comments! Everyone cops it, fat people, too thin people, single people, stay at home mums, working mums, vegetarians…. There’s no escape!!!

  • First of all let me say I am sorry for your frustration. I had a breakdown at a baby shower last summer. My 19 yr old sis got pregnant. I won’t say it was easy to be happy for her and not to jealous. I was broken by the news. I’ve also asked “why?” and “when?”… But I am now so blessed. And I fully understand how lucky/fortunate I am. I need to ask and please believe me it wasn’t easy for me and my dh. We’ve gone through a lot to get to where we are now. I’m 7 months after 7 years of trying. We had so many treatments but got nothing. It was really hard to believe in a positive outcome. We’ve got pregnant through IVF with donor eggs. Prior I had 2 regular cycles which failed. My question is how do I tell a friend at work who’s been TTC with many efforts and $ spent that I am pregnant? I’ve been there but honestly I have no idea how to tell about pregnancy to someone who’s been ttcing for years and not make them sad.

  • I had two miscarriages along the way and right after my second miscarriage, we attended the wedding celebration of a very dear friend who was already about four – five months pregnant. I was devastated. My brain, being depressed and anxious about my situation, ran on its own. It bitched constantly. The negative self-talk in my head. Looking back, I am convinced that most of my stress and infertility came as a result of “sleeping” through life. Letting my mind-negativity rule my internal and external world. When that started to change – when I became more aware of my thoughts – I could simply let them go. Second step was finding of a proper reproductive medicine center as I felt myself ready. Due to economic factor, which is very important we decided to trust in Ukrainian clinic Biotexcom. There are numerous reliable facilities but our choice fell on it. We undertook the adventure, and went directly to Kiev, where we were met in a wonderful way. This is also private clinic, which the most modern medical facility of such kind in Ukraine. If you want to search of donor eggs or surrogate mother, this clinic is really what you need. Despite the country in which it is located. By becoming more aware of your own thoughts, I believe that stress and infertility can be controlled, managed, and understood from a different perspective.

  • My husband and I have been trying for over 3 years. We have both gone to the doctor and gotten checked out. The doctor looked right at us and said with a smile “theres nothing wrong with you, you’re just unlucky” and that was that. No ‘you should go here or this’ or ‘I’m sorry we can’t find anything wrong right now, but we’ll keep looking for an answer’. After they said this they just walked out with their baby bump on full display as if they couldn’t wait to be done with us. I dont know what to do or where to go. This pain is consuming. I don’t even want to go outside because everyone I see has a beautiful baby. I’ve stopped talking to the few friends I have because all they want to talk about is their stresses of being a mother. For anyone who is so blessed to never have to go through this it’s hard not to be jealous of you. You will never know the pain of grieving someone you haven’t even met yet and may never meet. You feel completely hopeless, useless, worthless and completely alone.