Using Tough Love When Parenting Troubled Teens

 

Advice for Parents of Troubled Teens

Video taken from the channel: Dr. Phil


 

Forensic Psychology. Tough Love-Why is It so Tough to Do? (2 Clues)

Video taken from the channel: Forensic Psychology Made Plain


 

Tough Love Parenting Style Used to Handle Badly Behaving Teen Son and Ex-Husband

Video taken from the channel: Deborrah Cooper


 

Dad delievers tough love on Christmas Day

Video taken from the channel: Isaiah Wilcox


 

Parenting 101. Tough Love, Be a parent

Video taken from the channel: DAD247x3


 

Should I Use Tough Love With My Child Who Is Using Substances? | The Partnership

Video taken from the channel: Partnership to End Addiction


 

Does Tough Love Work for Troubled Teens?

Video taken from the channel: The Doctors


Tough love advocates the following teen parenting strategies: Let your teen see your love while also being firm when discipline is needed. Seek professional help when necessary. Consistently set and enforce reasonable expectations, limits, and boundaries. Find a balance between guiding your child. Tough Love in Modern Interventions.

Take legal custody of the addicted person’s children. Refuse to provide any sort of financial assistance. Ask the addicted person to leave the home. Refuse to provide bail money, legal assistance, or money for bills.

The entire family is suffering, including the child. Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately, depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to. And you know parents say, and you’ll hear from other experts, you need to use tough love and you need to let them hit rock bottom.

For some parents, tough love may work, but for others it may push a fragile child over the edge because they feel they’ve lost hope, they have no one that really loves them, who cares about them. How to Use Tough Love When Parenting Troubled Teens. By Amy Morin, LCSW Ways to Help Your Teen Deal With Failure.

By Amy Morin, LCSW How to Help a Shy Teen Build Self-Confidence. By Amy Morin, LCSW How to Raise a Happy, Healthy Teenager. Medically reviewed by Joel Forman, MD. Advice for Parents Dealing With a Troubled Teen.

Connect With Your Teen the Best You Can. In parenting a troubled teen it’s normal to be tempted to turn away from your teen as problems become Look at Your Teens’ Situation From a Different Perspective. Seek Professional Help. Recognize When Your.

As a parent some situations call for “tough love”, while some attitudes and/or habits should be discouraged. One more vital component is consistently, I once read it takes telling a child 6 times before they retain what they heard. It can be overwhelming at times, I was single mom with 3 children, but consistently in parenting is vital.

You can use a notebook, a blank book or a computer. You could even e-mail your entries to a trusted friend. Be relentless. Never give up.

Move forward no matter what. Don’t stop the good stuff. Try new things when old things aren’t working. Stick with the things you know are right. Love unconditionally.

Stay put as a parent when you’d rather run. Tough love does not refer to embarrassing your child, or physically, emotionally or mentally abusing him or her. Tough love is not meant to be used on children younger teens, and especially not on preschool-age children.

Remember that tough love parenting is designed for truly out-of-control teenagers. Key Concepts of Tough Love Parenting Set clear and age-appropriate expectations and limits. Be clear with your child about what you expect (chores, behavior, schoolwork, etc.), and be clear about limits (curfew, dating, screen time, etc).

List of related literature:

By staying involved, you help your teen know that you care and that their life is important to you, but it also makes it less likely they will explore with risky or unhealthy behaviors.

“The Transgender Teen” by Stephanie Brill, Lisa Kenney
from The Transgender Teen
by Stephanie Brill, Lisa Kenney
Cleis Press, 2016

There is no way to be consistently firm with teenagers if we depend on them for our emotional support.

“How to Really Love Your Teen” by Ross Campbell
from How to Really Love Your Teen
by Ross Campbell
David C. Cook, 2004

You can monitor your teens, offer them guidance, and coach them through difficult situations, while encouraging them and allowing them to take more steps toward independence.

“DBT® Skills Manual for Adolescents” by Jill H. Rathus, Alec L. Miller, Marsha M. Linehan
from DBT® Skills Manual for Adolescents
by Jill H. Rathus, Alec L. Miller, Marsha M. Linehan
Guilford Publications, 2014

If the teen gets out of what you wanted her to do because you finally give in just to stop the conflict, you have rewarded her negative behavior with a positive consequence.

“Your Defiant Teen, First Edition: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship” by Russell A. Barkley, Arthur L. Robin, Christine M. Benton
from Your Defiant Teen, First Edition: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship
by Russell A. Barkley, Arthur L. Robin, Christine M. Benton
Guilford Publications, 2008

To maintain a relationship with your teen, it’s important to be aware of your teen’s style or attitude, which we discussed in Chapter 2, as well as your own parenting style, addressed in Chapter 3.

“Smart But Scattered Teens: The Executive Skills Program for Helping Teens Reach Their Potential” by Richard Guare, Peg Dawson, Colin Guare
from Smart But Scattered Teens: The Executive Skills Program for Helping Teens Reach Their Potential
by Richard Guare, Peg Dawson, Colin Guare
Guilford Publications, 2012

Remember how important it is not to minimize their pain, but give them a chance, in a loving relationship, to express themselves without reproach on either the teen or his/her friends.

“Handbook on Counseling Youth” by John McDowell, Bob Hostetler
from Handbook on Counseling Youth
by John McDowell, Bob Hostetler
Thomas Nelson, 1996

Parents of troubled teens can respond best by realizingthat theymustfirst take care of themselves and protect the rest of the family.

“Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood” by Jim Fay, Foster Cline
from Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood
by Jim Fay, Foster Cline
The Navigators, 2014

When communication begins to break down, make extra efforts to let the teen know that you care and are a steadfast resource.

“Health Professional and Patient Interaction E-Book” by Ruth B. Purtilo, Amy M. Haddad, Regina F. Doherty
from Health Professional and Patient Interaction E-Book
by Ruth B. Purtilo, Amy M. Haddad, Regina F. Doherty
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2018

Connect targets parents and caregivers; teens do not participate in the intervention.

“Handbook of Attachment-Based Interventions” by Howard Steele, Miriam Steele
from Handbook of Attachment-Based Interventions
by Howard Steele, Miriam Steele
Guilford Publications, 2019

These teens primarily need psychologic support in a nonthreatening environment and close contact with a caring, understanding person who can stay with them and help them maintain social contact.

“Wong's Nursing Care of Infants and Children Multimedia Enhanced Version” by Marilyn J. Hockenberry, David Wilson, Donna L. Wong, Annette Baker, R.N., Patrick Barrera, Debbie Fraser Askin
from Wong’s Nursing Care of Infants and Children Multimedia Enhanced Version
by Marilyn J. Hockenberry, David Wilson, et. al.
Mosby/Elsevier, 2013

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

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43 comments

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  • Truth be told this is very common with boys.Men are manipulative too,but go about it a different way.This is why no matter what,let the sons live with their fathers and see them on the weekend after age 12.These boys often have hate towards women and the new men in their mother’s life too. Let these boys see how that man is living and let him learn.Honestly,I think he wanted to live with dad years ago,but she may not want to allow it or gets emotional.

  • I’ll also say this: If you remember the show “Beyond Scared Straight”, I would say that regardless of whether or not it takes place in a Prison or Corrections Facility, that show is just as guilty as all the other Tough Love programs.

    And either case, when their time is up, the after effects are just as devastating to teens as they are to adults. And we know what those after effects are.

  • Been through ALL of that, I was told the children feel safe to be angry with the parent that stayed because they’re not going to leave. You are spot on because his father is trying to use this weak tactic for not being accountable himself. She is going to have to put her foot all the way down because of PUNKASS daddy. Thanks MS. Deb

  • ‘You can tell he is a turd…’ OMG, I’m over here dying laughing. I would do the same thing. I don’t bad mouth my son’s dad, but I make it KNOWN that EVERYTHING my son has is b/c of ME! Period…The End!

  • Kids act like assholes, disrupt the entire house and family unit, and parents are supposed to “understand”…………………………bullshit. Just because you are a teenager and full of hormones does not give you the right to destroy the home your parents have busted their asses to maintain, feed you, and keep you safe. No teen has the right to run roughshod over a home. My daughter tried that baloney with me and I put her ass out. She was 15. She got a taste of a care home and it straightened her butt right the Hell out! She did not want to go to school, wanted to bring people into my home I did not even know, eat up all the food in the house,……..screw that! I took control and chucked her ass out to teach her a lesson and it worked! More parents need to be hard core with these self-entitled scroungers! I am willing to bet that these three idiots made their folk’s life a living Hell! I am sick to death of these brat ass kids fucking up their homes and getting away with abusing their own parents and messing up their entire households! These bitches caused their own fates! Nothing is being said about what these women did to drive their folks to putting them out is there? NOPE…………………..they want to bitch about what happened to them while in these programs yet………they could have just behaved and stayed in their own homes……………….

  • I saw this before my son’s dad got a chance to corrupt my son. You can’t co parent with an abusive man. These are weak men. Strong men control their emotions.

  • You are right about the chores. When I was growing up we had chores I had to clean the house, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, wash my own clothes. I can’t tell you how many kids I know have absolutely no chores around the house. That is shocking to me.

  • Setting boundries and what happens if someone cross those boundaries is a problem I am struggling with.

    With my mom, I am too emotionally invested. Any more information on how to employ tough love?

  • LMAO OMG you’ll talk about his MAMA too������! You know my story. My first husband and the father of my children got on crack and i had to leave him too. However, my kid’s dont play that shit. Their dad would see my son’s walking home from school and he would bad talk me. My kid’s ain’t wanna here nothing he had to say. It’s been ten years since i left him and guess what, he’s still on that shit. So everyone can see who the problem was. I’m gonna share this video with my oldest son lol. He’ll have a fit hearing how disrespectful the son is being. My oldest did go through a phase in the beginning because he was confused and angry, but he was 12 and i got him a therapist to work through his anger. Now at 22 my oldest is like one of my best friend’s lol. Idk if that’s good or bad. I hear people saying you cant be your kid’s friend, but does that apply even when they are grown lol.

  • I hope New Leaf Academy in Bend, Oregon gets shut down. That place is so messed up I have PTSD and wake up every night from nightmares of getting sent back there!

  • Thank you Deb. Heem I guess I did do everything right. I talk about they daddy, they grand mama they uncle. I don’t care because their father did not help me when we were together so I divorced him. I divorced him because he didn’t want to work and didn’t want to pay any bills and we would starve so yeah thanks Debra for validating what I had to do. Everybody in my circle told me that I was cruel but oh well! I even made videos about it. I did the best I could by myself for my SONS!

  • If you’re not his wife he most likely don’t even want u to have his kid(s). It was an accident so let it be an accident. He/she wasn’t planned so some female can’t be mad if he’s not mentally and/or financially there yet. If you know he hardly had money to take care of himself why give him an expensive Lil being? That makes no sense. This is why these dumb hoes have to pay for most of the crap. They love fucking dusty dudes with no careers. They should be mad at themselves. ����

  • My friend Jodi is on this episode. So proud of her for getting the word out! Thankfully we were able to see the signs after doing some online research after visiting the one that our oldest was admitted to about five years ago. We were able to get her out within 24 hours of being admitted. It wasn’t easy though, getting the word out on these places is so important!

  • Oh my god these poor woman and all other kids that go To these places now or have gone it is terrible they totale strip from being a person your retaded worst then animals

  • These schools/programs are not regulated they grey zones in terms of laws. What do u think that is exactly? Its whatever the heck they want..

  • It’s just a shame that it even happened at all. It’s so sad cuz by the time people realize something isn’t right, it’s almost always too late. That doesn’t mean that they were killed, I mean yeah the physical pain is horrible enough but it’s the damage and the wounds you can’t see that really mess a person up. Just a very sad story. I’m glad these women managed to make it out. I hope they continue to spread this message cuz we all need to be aware of what’s out there and learn and take the proper precautions to protect ourselves. Thank you so much, ladies for sharing your story with us.

  • Her ex husband sounds like these trolls on YouTube. He is turning the son into him. I would take his advice and not seek child support -I would let the father have custody and let the teen son live with him full time. Teen sons sometimes need to go live with their father because they are now bigger than you and physically stronger than you and they know it and that can cause the mother to be in danger around him. Almost all my friends who had teenage sons sent the son to live with their father once he hits 12 or 13. The father is a piece of s$&@.

  • This isn’t just tough love. It’s a true father’s love. As a father of a 27,son and a 30 daughter. Not always LIKING my kids. DOESN’T mean I don’t LOVE my kids. This young lady has a loving father. She’ll appreciate him more. As she gets older. Many blessings to them both.

  • Yes all of these ideas are very helpful strategies and are along the lines of things I have tried myself. Thank God I’m not one to show when I’m hurt and start crying because my x and my son would have ate me alive and tried to hussle me when I’m down. Playing to win…❤

  • I swear to God. If more black kids had fathers and mothers. 99% of the problems we see wouldn’t exist. This man will keep his kids In check. You notice you how she didnt cry or throw a fit! She was respectful

  • I don’t have any children yet, but I’ve noticed many children of single moms tend to romanticize the hell out of the absentee parent. I’ve noticed it moreso within the Black community because my White associates will speak up and let their deadbeat parents have it with a quickness. I can’t say exactly why children do it because my mom divorced when I was young, remarried and did right by us. We knew who was putting in the effort and who was making excuses However, my assumption with kids who do this is that they have misplaced anger and know the least involved parent will minimize their feelings IF they care about their feelings at all. In some cases they may walk out of their lives completely so they know not to complain. I had a coworker with a teenage son who would act as if his father could do a better job even though he was a weedhead felon who couldn’t keep a job longer than 6 months. Lil’ boy thought the grass would be greener and was excited about going to live with his daddy(and grandma) for the school year. He was crying for his mama after a week complaining he had to sleep on a pull out bed, his dad wouldn’t give him money to buy snacks and didn’t cook most nights. When the Jordans came out dad didn’t even entertain the thought of buying them because he needed money for weed and to get back and forth to work. He said his dad would forget important dates and one time forgot to pick him up from school altogether, LOL. My coworker said when her son came home he didn’t complain or act like his father was Superdad and could easily fix any problem with the snap of a finger.

  • Tough love is NOT abuse…These institutions were the biggest secret in my country’s history and they were absolutely horrific and sickening. By the time they had decided repatriation was deserved, only 3 women were still alive to be compensated and apologised to by the Catholic Church. Tough love is parents not giving into their kids all the time whilst still loving and caring for them unconditionally in order to raise an emotionally powerful and stable child who positively contributes to society. Tough love does not include abuse of any kind. Please, as a survivor of nearly two decades of first-hand abuse, please don’t confuse tough love with blatant violence and sickening aggression-ridden beat-downs in every sense of the word. I would have done anything for parents who showed me serious tough love instead of the disgusting daily tortuous torments from my own. We’ve become so mentally victimised and fragile in today’s society and when we look at these survivors who are brave and courageous enough to go on international tv to share their own heartbreaking stories, I’m sure they don’t appreciate their experiences being labelled as “tough love”. They survived phenomenal institutional abuse and it needs to be said exactly as it is instead of trying to make a phrase mean something more sinister than it really does. There’s a reason as to why so many real abuse survivors are so sickened and humiliated with these PC bollocks movements such as the HASHTAG ME TOO!!!! Ones and the weekly “pussy-patrol marches” held in free first-world countries. Get a grip. If you had actually been abused, you would never trivialize it on a fucking Twitter account because social media is not the place for these discussions. Real life is the place to talk about this horrific issue. Social media is not real life. Therefore, WE ARE GOING BACKWARDS INSTEAD OF EVOLUTIONALLY PROGRESSING LIKE WE SHOULD. Shame on you people. We’re supposed to bear even a bit of responsibility but even that is too much for the Feminazi-snowflake-SJW gobshites. I wouldn’t wish real abuse on any of you. You can’t even cope with it as a lie. Imagine if you were really in these survivors shoes. You would be so grateful for your entitled and spoilt life. I will never accept people slamming perfectly good parents for no reason but selfishness and brattiness and if you hate them so much, I’ll take them no problem. Tough love or not, better than nothing.

  • The vast majority of teen programs I researched over a 4 year period showed glaring signs of utilizing brainwashing techniques, torture and had all red flags I knew about from being imprisoned myself as a teen.

    When kids say the program saved their lives, that’s either brainwashing or fear of being punished.

    HR 911 in the 111th congress failed to pass into law which would regulate these programs and protect youth. At this time there is no oversight or protection from abuses in these programs.

    Their marketing is usually exquisite. But it’s only a charade.

  • Let the kid get the money directly from his dad and allow him to put it on the mortgage, food, medicine, insurances, and utilities etc. Good advice Deborah. Also, the dad want to give the money to the boy cause he’ll get it back when he needs drugs.

  • Omg Deborrah…you are my new best friend…lol!! This video about the 16 year old son is really what I needed today! Going through something very similar and now I’m being shamed by the ex and my son about telling him he needs to stay with his dad indefinitely after he trashed some of my belongings and cussing at me. He tells my 14 year old daughter that he won’t ever apologize and said to her, “mom will be begging me to come back in a week”. Nope!!

  • About the children being taken away in handcuffs during all hours of the night, that’s literally what the Dr Phil teams do to get troubled kids on the show and then they send them off to boot camps without their consent. It’s not fixing the problem, it’s making the problem leave the picture temporarily for your own benefit.

  • I’ve been there. I put up with it for years after my divorce. I used to come home from work and my ex husband would be in my house because my sons would invite him in. I was being ignored. When I’d snap, I’d be the evil one keeping his children away from him. In the end I told them to go to him. He had roaches, bed bugs and mice. It took them 6 months to finally humble themselves and come home. They’ve moved out now and real life is hitting them and they’re finally seeing what I wanted for them and what I was trying to do.

  • Your genitals are too small, hormones are flying everywhere and no one is secure
    A scary loud authority figure yelling at you does not help

  • Another great video DC! BTW I’ve know a family friend who son’s child mother dropped off her grandson with her son when he started acting up towards her. But in this case the dad passed the responsibilities of his hard headed teen on his mother (who BTW was in her late 60’s early 70’s with poor health)!

  • Aunty Deb yes you said it all correct!!! I had this same issue but inverse; the bio mom was creating issue w/my guy’s kid & his dad… her negative disruptive behavior was shut down & the son was told in no uncertain terms you can GO! He went & QUICKLY saw he messed up…����‍♀️

  • In my early teens, I was forced into two residential treatment homes for troubled teens. While I was not physically abused, the psychological abuse was there I was also forcibly medicated and my time in these homes has left me with severe trust issues and makes me very wary of people especially people I don’t know because in the back of my mind I’m always wondering if I’ll ever get forced back into one of these hell holes.

  • I attended 7 of these schools, they are terrible, I was a typical teenager before I went in, after I left I am so fucked up it’s not even funny, I am a barely functioning human being, I went to the worst of the worst schools, one of them got shut down by the FBI.

  • Once he gets the son that’s when he will go after her for child support. Or most likely his father won’t want him on a daily basis.

  • I have yet to see one comment that has a solution to this problem. How about we send all of these troubled teens to you guy’s homes? Let’s see how you handle it? I have been criticized left and right on this thread and that is fine, everyone is entitled to their opinions but none of you were in my shoes. I also should let everyone know that she was in the care home for exactly 5 days…………………………………. and she wanted to come home. Go figure. She had a choice to stay with a friends family or the care home, she chose the care home. It was up to her. She knew that her friend’s parents wouldn’t put up with her crap either. Well, neither did the care home. She found out that no matter where you lay your head, you need to behave like a decent human being.

  • I was in something similar to an institution for troubled teens, I was badly injured, a tendon in my back tore and when I told my mom over my designated phone call and how they were ignoring the injury, they punished me by cutting off my contact with her for 2 weeks. That was just one thing.

  • In the UK our social workers throw us care babies into children’s residential homes and label us “looked after children” without our consent. It’s so strict it’s making us extremely depressed. Very strict rules on things like bedtimes, internet access and truancy and our every single move is documented. And at the magical age of 18, put there by greedy men and women in suits, we’re obliviously thrown head-first into the real world to find work and enter the system, even if we’ve no bank of mam and dad.

  • Yes mam you are talking directly to me. My teenage son has become very combative and this is excellent advice. I want him outta here.

  • You’re gonna be mad at me, lol, but usually teens that act out like this are in emotional pain. They tried to tell a parent about this pain(mom?) and got ignored. I am not saying it’s right but a teen won’t do this for any reason…

  • That boy is 16 and, like you said, he knows better. He’d be sent to live with his father, by no choice of his. Period! Giving him an ultimatum could actually provoke him into violence, so I wouldn’t even give him options. His testosterone and emotions are RAGING at this point in his life as a teenager. It is not safe to have a hostile male, son or not, living in your home as a single and vulnerable woman. Clearly, she’s already set herself up to be in a position of vulnerability since her own child even has the audacity to deal with her in such an entitled and disrespectful manner. Its too late, can’t change the game in the fourth quarter. He gotta go with his daddy before he gets dangerous.

    We are so quick, as a people, to talk about how the children in white families attack or even kill their parents, but this has actually been a huge issue among black people as well. Matricide rates are up in the black community and the number is rising! His ass needs to go. The mother has already done her job. Since the father is proclaiming to the son that she is such a horrible parent, and the son is ok with co-signing, let them be together. Shrugs.

  • I absolutely condone being a good parent and disciplining your kids but I think that doing something like this just to not only film it and post it on Facebook for the whole world to see is not only humiliating for the son you’re trying to “teach” but it makes you look like an out of work alcoholic ex coach of a dad who lives vicariously through his son lol.

  • I’m three minutes into the video and I already know what I would do. Take that boy over to his daddy’s house and leave him there. No support, nothing. Move to another state and just be gone.

  • This literally me right now, I’ve been waiting for Christmas to get my 8+ turned on, and when my android goes out she was supposed it turn on my I phone. It’s been 3 months later and she still didn’t turn it on. It’s always the same 2 excuses, when my report card come out, I have good grades, but my bill didn’t finish. When my bill is due, she says wait until your report card��������

  • 2 certain individuals once tried what they considered “tough love” on me when I was 20. Their version of it involved a ton of humiliation and mockery, and looking back, there were no guidelines or expectations laid out. There was no love involved, and I’m seeing that more and more in hindsight. They were angry and were essentially taking revenge on me for having angered them. I was insulted, humilated, and made a mockery of because my beliefs were outside of theirs. I was told this was “tough love”…..I have doubted that their definition of it was anything more than bullying, and upon watching this video I am almost certain of it. I haven’t spoken or associated with them in 21 years, and even at family gatherings I avoid them. Everyone in the family thinks they are wonderful people, but I have seen their other side and as a result want nothing at all to do with them, their kids, or their grandkids.