How to approach and prevent Preschool Tattles

 

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Like an adult selling someone out at work, many preschoolers tattle for attention, to exert power or to gain favor from an authority figure, whether it’s a teacher or parent. Again, take stock of the situation. Unless someone is about to get hurt, determine if you really want to get involved. However, although many experts suggest ignoring kids when they tattle, this can backfire and cause kids to engage in other negative behaviors to get your attention. Remember that tattling serves a purpose.

Ignoring kids when they are trying. If a squabble over a toy has sent her running to you, ask if she can share, take turns, or play by herself for a while. Teach her to express her feelings to her friends and siblings, too.

Have her practice asserting herself verbally by saying, “Stop it. Don’t do that,” or “I don’t like it when you do that. I’m going to play with someone else.”. Ensure that no one has been hurt (if so, it’s not really a case of tattling). Consider what might have led to the tattling – both the circumstances and the tattling child’s intent.

Listen. Listen to the child’s concerns. Even if he has a tendency to tattle, his.

Preschool Activities How to Deal With Bullies: A Guide for Parents We’ve got the lowdown on when your child is likely to tattle and how you can get her to stop. “That’s one easy way to stop kids from running up to you and tattling.” One more thing to keep in mind: For kids around 3 to 4 years old, tattling can be a sign of exhaustion. Tattling can be a source of frustration for teachers and can create a lot of negative feelings between students. However, certain dangerous situations should be reported to the teacher, and students sometimes honestly do a teacher’s need help to solve major interpersonal problems.

Here are some strategies for how to cut down on the bad kind of. For about three-quarters of tattling, the goal was for children to get help for themselves and/or to get the other child in trouble. Another 16 percent focused on enforcing rules. These are the easiest kids to deal with because you just need to explain to them that they only need to worry about themselves doing the right thing.

Knowing that tattling is against the rules because of your tattling vs. reporting lesson is. Step 1: Enforce Effective teaching requires you to never let the whole of your class suffer because of a small few. So your first order of business is to remind yourself not to respond to or call on anyone who isn’t following your hand-raising routine.

Once you prove that this is always the case, the disruptive behavior will stop.

List of related literature:

Set up a private conference with the school, day care, or playgroup so that the adult in charge is aware of the behavior and you all agree on the consequence (such as a brief time-out or going home).

“The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries” by Michele Borba
from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries
by Michele Borba
Wiley, 2009

Another option is to move her to a different preschool so she doesn’t feel like she “stayed back” and repeated the same curriculum.

“Childhood Speech, Language, and Listening Problems” by Patricia McAleer Hamaguchi
from Childhood Speech, Language, and Listening Problems
by Patricia McAleer Hamaguchi
Wiley, 2010

After five or six minutes stop them all, sit them down, calm them, talk (maybe about teaching points), then set the children away again.

“A Guide to Teaching Practice” by Louis Cohen, Lawrence Manion, Keith Morrison
from A Guide to Teaching Practice
by Louis Cohen, Lawrence Manion, Keith Morrison
RoutledgeFalmer, 2004

Inform the child that what they must do is observe the other children and copy what they are doing, assuming what they are doing is appropriate.

“Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals” by Tony Attwood
from Asperger’s Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals
by Tony Attwood
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 1998

As much as possible, try to sidestep the issue by encouraging both children to play with their own toys, even if they’re doing so side by side.

“Caring for Your Baby and Young Child” by Steven P. Shelov
from Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
by Steven P. Shelov
Oxford University Press, 1997

Remind the child that your office is a safe place where kids can talk about their feelings and thoughts or anything that bothers them.

“EMDR Therapy and Adjunct Approaches with Children: Complex Trauma, Attachment, and Dissociation” by Ana M. Gomez, MC, LPC
from EMDR Therapy and Adjunct Approaches with Children: Complex Trauma, Attachment, and Dissociation
by Ana M. Gomez, MC, LPC
Springer Publishing Company, 2012

Distract, encourage, and reward with colorful toys, crayons, or stickers.

“Emergency Nursing Procedures E-Book” by Jean A. Proehl
from Emergency Nursing Procedures E-Book
by Jean A. Proehl
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2008

As much as possible, try to place particularly disruptive children who are friends in separate groups.

“I Can Problem Solve: Intermediate elementary grades” by Myrna B. Shure
from I Can Problem Solve: Intermediate elementary grades
by Myrna B. Shure
Research Press, 2000

Schedule a team conference with the child and the parents 4.

“Mosby's Review Questions for the NCLEX-RN Exam E-Book” by Patricia M. Nugent, Judith S. Green, Barbara A. Vitale, Phyllis K. Pelikan
from Mosby’s Review Questions for the NCLEX-RN Exam E-Book
by Patricia M. Nugent, Judith S. Green, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

Repeat a baseline before teaching any behavior, even if it was baserated a few weeks earlier.

“Clinical Methods and Practicum in Speech-Language Pathology” by M.N. Hegde, Katrina Kuyujian
from Clinical Methods and Practicum in Speech-Language Pathology
by M.N. Hegde, Katrina Kuyujian
Plural Publishing, Incorporated, 2019

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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38 comments

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  • This is exactly why I’m quiet and I stay in my room all day and keep to myself. If I back talk once my parents will go crazy or if I give a good reason to an argument, it is considered “back talk”

  • I can say anything back and my dad would say “Watch the attitude” Or “Stop talking back”

    I snapped one day saying “I will fall asleep eventually, chill out!” Normally I would curse and go crazy when I snap back, but I just decided to respond more… Kind I guess lmao. Idk I feel like anything I say is against me and it’s kind of stupid tbh.

  • Hi I have a little sister she is only 10 she changed a lot she became way more meaner she talked back to me a lot of times and been rude to me and my sisters and she thinks it’s self defense but no she is being rude I tell her but she talks so much sas and she has called me names before idk what’s up with her she is going to middle school I can’t imagine her being an adult hope she doesn’t get fired for talking back to her boss and hurting someone and scared she might press charges in the future I wish she learned she has changed a lot!! She stresses me I tell my older sister but sometimes I don’t because she says I get but hurt I want my mom to take my little sister somewhere so she can stop this sass

  • I talk back to my parents for GOOD reasons, they blame me for things I DIDN’T EVEN DO. Kids should have a right to reason and parents shouldn’t assume that it’s “TaLkInG bAcK”

  • Respect is given to those who have earned it. I should not be expected to blindly respect and follow someone just because they gave birth to me whether or not they wanted it to happen. Respect is mutual and avoiding a reasonable conversation with a child just because your “An Adult” is in no circumstances a respectable trait.

  • Well, it’s better nowadays, we would get slapped. Fortunately, now the law forbids those things. Maybe the law forbidded that back in the days, but it all happened behind close doors. Since I was little, I decided I would not have kids, because why would I want to bring kids in the world to suffer?

  • You guys need to stop being nazis with your kids. You fucking act like us teenagers have no freedome of thinking but really we do. And this “back talk” bullshit you speak of is just conversation.

  • I talk back to my parents and I know I’m doing it. The only reason why I do it is because I’m not the one being disrespectful and rude, but rather my parents are. So I speak out my opinion and get in trouble for it but I don’t really care. I even record them yelling at me and then me saying why the punishment is way to harsh!

  • im actually just 9 years old, but i have been given an offer for a small substitution for a CT period, for noone else would volunteer since that was labelled the worst class ever

  • DM called me a “smart aleck” (not her exact words) today for replying to her request I know I should follow with “Yes, I know,” even though I’m not sarcastic or fresh! But to her, I’m just giving her attitude. That makes me feel so bad deep down inside. I wish she would see that video.

  • As a parent and future teacher, I’m not opposed to taking away recess if my daughter is misbehaving. We don’t go out and do fun things if she’s acting out, school should be the same.

  • So consequences for innapropriate behavior are inappropriate? Right. The goal is learning constuctive, loving communication, however there are rules. See how far back talk and dismissal go when they’re in front of a judge. Or a teacher. Or after they insult someone whose parents weren’t so “evolved” and don’t accept the kid’s behavior.

  • My grand daughter was cutting herself and talking back to her mom. One day her mom starting fighting her and she thought her mom was going to really hurt her so she fought her back trying to het her off her. She’s now in counseling. I saw this coming for years and tried over and over to talk to her mother about it but she would get angry with me and shut me down.

  • I never had that problem with my son. His mom always had that problem. I raised him in my home u don’t have to love me or like me but u will respect me if something is wrong talk to me even if its bad. His mom let him have a opinion about everything since he was little and now can’t control him and always calls me. I tell parents never let your kids talk back if they are on the verge then send them away to another room then when u r both calm u will be surprise what your children tells u once there calm.

  • Ok I can understand if back talk is actually rude. But most of the time to parents back talk is kids making a valid point to there parents, but they just don’t wanna listen to it because they wanna be right. I understand if you don’t wanna agree with me but most of the time it is true.

  • Man fuck that watch your damn mouth!!!they know Exactly what they’re saying These Millennial kids are the worst they’re so Entitled!!

  • To any parents reading this: I grew up in an emotionally abusive household. Chances are you did too, you probably just didn’t realize it because it was so widely accepted before the 2000s. I implore all of you to please re-evaluate the way you react to your children and make sure you’re not doing anything that’s harming them. Your child’s emotional needs are just as important as physical. There’s a reason behind why your child is acting out. Maybe they feel like you don’t respect them, maybe they feel like they can’t talk to you because they’re afraid of your reaction, maybe the inconsistency of things is overwhelming your child who knows.
    You have to remember that the way they’re reacting is learned. More than likely they learned it from you. You are the first and best example your children go off of. Inform them and correct them gently.
    You wouldn’t respond well if someone got an attitude with you so why do you expect your children to be any different?
    Also respect your children as humans. They need guidance but they are still people.
    From a lot of the parents that I have seen with generation z one big thing they do is neglect their children’s emotional well being. Emotional Abuse is also very common. It’s not wonder a majority are extremely suicidal and depressed.

  • As a parent this ticks me off. when my child talks back and says why, I explain to him not being an ignorant prick. Unlike most parents I do not silence their ideas. When children feel contained, they fell they do not having basic freedom of speech and it affects them in the future. This leads to the child thinking they must do everything an adult tells them and not question it even if it is bad.

  • Sorry, there is no room for my child calling me “stupid”. I would never say that to her. I have tried to approach this with empathy and understanding. I don’t think your video has very much perspective.

  • I’m having back talk from my 3 year old! Tonight I told her she had to eat more dinner as she only ate a few potatoes and no meat or veggies and even though I didn’t yell or get hyper, she fired back at level 100, saying things like “you not be rude to me that’s mean no fair you’re not going to blah blah… ” It goes on but she gets mad and points fingers, it’s very frustrating when I can’t get her to calm down enough to listen to me

  • Haha! Love the tips, their hair hurts “get a wet paper towel!” Some of your students will find this video someday and be like WHAT!!! ��

  • Um I’m sorry
    but I talk back at my mom because she talks behind my back to everyone she trusts
    So I have more people who hate me than listen to what I have to say!
    So What Else Do I Do? I Talk When They Tell Me To Go To My Room, And THEY SAY I’M A BITCH, YEAH MY MOM CALLED ME THAT AND SHE SAID I DESERVE IT!!

  • Um I’m sorry
    but I talk back at my mom because she talks behind my back to everyone she trusts
    So I have more people who hate me than listen to what I have to say!

  • I think it doesn’t matter how old are you, you need to learn to regulate yourself and learn how to respect people. Saying it’s ok and having the parents to bear or look through the bad behaviour is just creating more self-centred people in the future! I wish you can look for better help! “Parenting a confident Teen” is a way better book to feel that someone is also giving us the strategy to deal with the situation when kids are not being respectful, regardless who is the person they are talking to.
    I had consulted a phycologist like this one before who had one-sided want the parents to get a grip, perhaps it’s just a lot easy to do that than coaching a teen;-)
    The behaviour change must be mutual, you just don’t hope that the kids will grow out of bad behaviour.
    I had also read some comments here: Kids! if you don’t think you are not talking badly but only your parents are overly sensitive, record it and playback and see if you like people talking to you in that manner.

  • So today in school i got in trouble because a dude said i pushed him when i didn’t so i said to him that he should get his life straight..he then told the teacher and we got spoken to outside the classroom at the wall.The teacher believed him so i stud up and said that he lied and stuff and then she was like EXCUSE ME and she was staring in my eyes like a mad bitch so i said YE and she said EXCUSE ME even louder and stuff and she was like your breaking the rules and i said i never signed them (even tho i did) she calls it back talking and she went and told all the teachers so..tommorrow she wants the rules signed so ima leave my journal at home on purpose lol.

  • I’m so fucking mad about my mom and
    Here’s a example:
    I get blamed for something I didn’t do and then I tell her I didn’t do it and stop blaming me for everything i did not do so then she would reply saying something along the lines of “STOP BACKCHATTING YOUR GROUNDED” some parents just think that they are the shit because they gave birth to you and can do what ever you want with the kid even treating them like shit. Mate even the teachers treat me better.

  • Riiiight..so when your kid says “Shut UP and go do the dishes YOURSELF!!”..(you just smile and say “oh dear u must be hurting indsde, come let me hug you and take you to Dairyqueen

  • Hi. Got I couple of questions as a high school student. We have this very smart yet uncommon teacher who’s teaching methods seem strange. Here’s what he often does:

    1. Is it a good idea to have “micro breaks”? I honestly do not know how it is called in English, however, what I mean is that (at any period of time) there’s this short break, lating for 30 seconds or so, and then the class is continuing again. The teacher who does this once mentioned that it has its reason, but never told us what the reason is. He does it in every class, tho not many people notice.

    2. Is there a reason why a teacher makes random sounds/noises during an exam/test? Not all the time, just sometimes. It almost seems as if he was trying to make us stop concentrating on the given task… Why?

    3. The class starts slowly. Usually, he just tells us some facts he personally considers as interesting, or reapeats the previous class a bit. Only after a given amount of time, he starts with the more difficult stuff, explaining a new topic.

    Here’s something in general:

    1. Isn’t it ineffective to be punishing the whole class even if the teacher knows who the “noisy” one was? That way, the kid being loud will not be as sad or angry ’cause he wasn’t the only one being punished and is not alone. So there’s a bigger chance of him doing it again.

  • “Someone saying wow I don’t know where that came from I’m interested in what’s going on for you”. I needed to hear this as an overworked mum who doesn’t always take time connect with my beautiful children.

  • How horrendous. I feel so sorry for the world you’ve all had to justify. The cognitive dissonance must drive some to madness. http://metanoia-films.org/human-resources/

  • I needed this so much! My 9 yr old and my 12 yr old have been back talking so much lately, I keep feeling very disrespected, but in watching this I have to say it makes sense why they’re acting this way. I’ve been very busy lately and haven’t given them the amount of attention they’re used to. And to be honest I’ve been separating myself from them finding chores to do instead of spending time with them because they’ve been so up and down. Which sounds like I’m only making the matter worse. Today I’m taking the steps to change my behavior.

  • I’ve made jokes to my mom here and there. unfortunately she would take them to seriously and get really mad at me. Every mistake that I’ve made in my life she would all ways bring it up in arguments. she always brings up the past. When we get in arguments, she says things that I don’t like or agree with and oftentimes i try to defend my self and the point that I’m trying to make. But she doesnt listen. I try to tell her things, but everytime we are arguing she blows it back in my face. I’m the type of person if you are accusing me of something that isn’t true, or being disrespectful to me I do unfortunately talk back. it’s hard to calm down sometimes, when you’re arguing with someone or just haveing a disagreement.

  • Back talk boils down to not wanting to do what a parent has asked. So I should say to my complaining child “Oh please let me hear more”…

  • Not all back talk is bad most that I’ve seen is an honest question or concern yet the teacher or parent punishes the child instead of answering the question or fixing the issue which turns this into the bad back talk like the kind you stated. When kids say Why? They might just be curious as to your reasons. Much of what you say is true. Then when the child meets the adult’s disrespect with respect or as respectful as possible the adult just explodes with anger. Can you help me understand why adults do this?

  • I’m starting as a substitute soon and really enjoyed your ideas. The “Mystery student” idea and “NOISE” idea, because that’s something I can implement as a substitute.

  • Hello Ms. I love to watch your videos and get so many ideas. I started my work too so please get some time to watch my video and give some useful tips. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvOQ_omvHVQ

  • But you learned that as an adult. Children need to be children. I feared my mom and it forced me to be quiet and lonely in our relationship. I tried a different approach for my kid, doesn’t work. Children need to do what they’re told because we are responsible for them and they reflect us. I ask, what’s wrong. Talk to me, don’t be frustrated. I cannot tolerate kids at their worse. Just try.

  • This is most rational thing I have heard since my year journey to find out what’s going on with my daughter and how to help her. She is in foster care and doing this. And I know it has to be so confusing to her, every one is trying to blame me for not parenting her right. So it’s blame game and no one is even focusing on her and her feelings. I try when I see her. And I realized I had to stop relating and advising.. I just listened as she told me what was going on, I looked at her and said, how did it make you feel and at the very moment I saw all of her stress released and we finally connected it was so simply but we get so distracted by putting judge ment on on another we are overlooking the poor kids they just want and need to be heard be respected and to make their on choices.