How Fathers Can Bond with Youthful Adult Kids

 

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Dads Talking To Their Grown Kids ��

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So how can parents handle this? One suggestion is to draw up an agreement with your young-adult child in writing. The details depend on the specifics of the situation, but a good general rule comes from the authors of the Love and Logic books. It’s called the “good neighbor policy.”.

Landing and keeping the job is the child’s responsibility; gathering leads for one is certainly an area in which a father can offer help. Marriage. Young adults typically have many questions as they start thinking about finding the right person to marry. A father’s role goes from being more authoritative when the child is young and more prone to mistakes but as he grows up he needs to loosen the strings and become a friend and guide, more like giving up control and playing one up, for example, as you rightly say.

This can be similar to a blessing or a word of faith which provides our kids with a reference point from a dad who has strong inner convictions. Dig deep. If we’re going to deliver a message of hope to our sons and daughters, we need to be firmly grounded in our convictions, values, faith—whatever drives and motivates us and gives us hope. Conversely, it’s more common for daughters to estrange than sons.

However, when males estrange, it seems to be more final or longer-lasting: the average estrangement from fathers lasts 7.9 years (compared to an average of 5.5 years for mothers), and estrangements from sons average 5.2 years (with 3.8 years for daughters). Like any relationship, a parent-child bond has its highs and lows. When kids are young, you’re their everything.

When they become teenagers, you’re their enemy. When they’re full-fledged adults, well, things get complicated. As grown children enter their 20s and. Adult children—particularly daughters as I learned from the research for Nobody’s Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship with Your Mother and Father. by Sheri McGregor.

When an adult child abandons parents, or in some cases the entire family, the what-ifs and how-coulds can limit recovery. What if my child returns to reconcile? How can I move on now yet still hold onto hope? After an adult child’s rejection, the idea of moving on can feel like giving up, so trying to move forward brings guilt. This can have a drastic negative effect on the type of relationship an adult child may have with their parents.

Especially, if there was was one parent that had little to no contact during the child’s upbringing. Adult children of divorce may be dealing with the. Second wives or partners drive a wedge between fathers and children, and fathers allow this to happen.

The study also found first wives drive a wedge between the fathers and adult children. Fathers either consciously or unconsciously choose to do this when they become involved with a.

List of related literature:

Generally, adult children feel closer to their mothers than to their fathers.

“Family Ties and Aging” by Ingrid Arnet Connidis, SAGE.
from Family Ties and Aging
by Ingrid Arnet Connidis, SAGE.
SAGE Publications, 2001

Large numbers of teenage fathers do maintain contact with their children and do play a role in the child’s upbringing.

“The Nature of Adolescence” by John C. Coleman, Leo B. Hendry
from The Nature of Adolescence
by John C. Coleman, Leo B. Hendry
Routledge, 1999

One year post-birth, fathers in couples with at least one adolescent parent (mother or father) were no more susceptible to decreased engagement with children than older couples.

“Encyclopedia of Adolescence” by Roger J.R. Levesque
from Encyclopedia of Adolescence
by Roger J.R. Levesque
Springer New York, 2014

Fathers spend more time with their infant sons than with their daughters, and they also tend to be more aware of their sons’ adolescent concerns than of their daughters’ anxieties.

“Kaplan and Sadock's Study Guide and Self-examination Review in Psychiatry” by Benjamin J. Sadock, Virginia A. Sadock, Ze'ev Levin
from Kaplan and Sadock’s Study Guide and Self-examination Review in Psychiatry
by Benjamin J. Sadock, Virginia A. Sadock, Ze’ev Levin
Wolters Kluwer Health / Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2007

Indeed, the longer fathers stick around, the less likely girls are to be sexually active prior to marriage.

“Truth Overruled: The Future of Marriage and Religious Freedom” by Ryan T. Anderson
from Truth Overruled: The Future of Marriage and Religious Freedom
by Ryan T. Anderson
Regnery Publishing, 2015

Consistent with the trend that fathers are older than mothers are, the partners of teenage mothers are an average of two to four years older.

“Parenthood in America: An Encyclopedia” by Lawrence Balter, Robert B. McCall
from Parenthood in America: An Encyclopedia
by Lawrence Balter, Robert B. McCall
ABC-CLIO, 2000

They may also see that fathers are less often present, and that when they are, they are more unpredictable and exciting but also less responsive to the infant s cues.

“Encyclopedia of Women and Gender, Two-Volume Set: Sex Similarities and Differences and the Impact of Society on Gender” by Judith Worell
from Encyclopedia of Women and Gender, Two-Volume Set: Sex Similarities and Differences and the Impact of Society on Gender
by Judith Worell
Elsevier Science, 2001

Their data show that the average adult is not in social contact with the infant more than a small fraction of the mother’s time at any age and has less time in contact than the father at every age except eight months.

“The Evolution of Childhood: Relationships, Emotion, Mind” by Melvin Konner, Samuel Candler Dobbs Professor in the Department of Anthropology and the Program in Neuroscience and Behavioral Biology Melvin Konner, M.D.
from The Evolution of Childhood: Relationships, Emotion, Mind
by Melvin Konner, Samuel Candler Dobbs Professor in the Department of Anthropology and the Program in Neuroscience and Behavioral Biology Melvin Konner, M.D.
Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 2010

In early adulthood, offspring typically have more frequent contact with mothers than with fathers and are more likely to turn to mothers for advice and emotional support than to fathers.

“Encyclopedia of Human Relationships: Vol. 1-” by Harry T. Reis, Susan Sprecher
from Encyclopedia of Human Relationships: Vol. 1-
by Harry T. Reis, Susan Sprecher
SAGE Publications, 2009

By contrast, fathers do not appear in any significant relationship to children until the latter are at least two or three years old.

“Entertaining Satan: Witchcraft and the Culture of Early New England” by John Putnam Demos
from Entertaining Satan: Witchcraft and the Culture of Early New England
by John Putnam Demos
Oxford University Press, 2004

Oktay Kutluk

Kutluk Oktay, MD, FACOG is one of the world's foremost experts in fertility preservation as well as ovarian stimulation and in vitro fertilization for infertility treatments. He developed and performed the world's first ovarian transplantation procedures as well as pioneered new ovarian stimulation protocols for embryo and oocyte freezing for breast and endometrial cancer patients.

Mail: [email protected]
Telephone: +1 (877) 492-3666

Biography: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/kutluk_oktay/
Bibliography: oktay_bibliography

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  • They should be encouraged as soon as 3-4 months that is when they develop the ability to self soothe… this is as Jordan is wont to say…. the evidence for this is quite clear…. so. no JP… not 9 months. Read the Pediatric literature again.

  • I have a good father who has fallen to a chaotic wife and alcohol.

    My father would rough house with me, he taught me how to box. He would let me garden with him, I learnt how to cultivate trees, grown my own food, and nurture a garden and bring nature in. We would go cycling and hill climbing together, He taught me how to read and write, he gave me many books, he taught me politics and would debate me, he fostered a strong work ethic and taught me how to be a care take to my 4 sisters. How to say no and mean it, assert myself and how to learn from others and account for my wrong doings.

    My mother really did do her best, she just could not take care of herself and ended up neglecting me and my sisters.

    I’ve sent my father Peterson’s book in a desperate attempt to reach him, he’s suffering and he’s grown tired, and got into unhealthy routines, and my mother enables. My sister turn a blind eye as it’s too much for them to deal with.

  • Fortunately I’m not this helpless. I know how to do all these things by myself, but unfortunately so many kids are this reliant for others with every little problem.

  • How do u deal with men if you have daddy issues and been around women your entire life? Most people in your family are girls and being in an all girls school….

  • in latin society, at least the part i have experienced in my mexican family, studying deeply is within culture, the culture of family as an operational unit with the scale of human ecology from individual through to society and perhaps nation. this suggests somewhat different things to what’s put forward in this video.

  • That presumes the father is capable of interacting with others. The father of my two daughters is incapable of parenting. It was all up to me. He is not in his body, so he could not help his children to experience physical interaction.

  • My mom SCREAMS at me and talks with such a disgusting tone, but when I do that, she ALSO screams at me and tells me I am being disrespectful. Maam, YOU WERE MY INFLUENCER SO IM TALKING EXACTLY LIKE YOU, Its ur fault. All of it

  • I lost my dad when I was 16 so i was expecting to see what it would be like if he was here for me as an adult, but this is thankfully all stuff he taught me while he was here. Love your videos bro thank you

  • Ur kids ask “How” incessantly @ 3, and “how do u _” 18 25. I’m on constant lecture mode now, trying to disguise it as casual suggestions lol.

  • My mum:I’ll buy you a phone if you go to that high school
    Me:-shakes cuz doesn’t want the phone but will try to get in the school-
    My mum: tells grandmaSee even if I offer her a phone, she won’t go to that high school!
    Me: stays silent while holding back my tears
    It really sucks when my parents misunderstand me..

  • Me and my brother are like this with our baby sister �� Except she’s academically smarter than us and a well behaved kid (actually stays in & has been rejecting beer and wine from me since forever).

  • Mom: why dont you feel like you can trust me?? Ofc you can, tell me anything!!
    Me: Well, whenever I try to open up to you I personally feel like you just shut me down, yell at me, or just laugh and make the situation worse, and I end up thinking “why did I do that, I already knew it would’ve made everything worse” ((90 percent of my life my parents will never know))
    Mom: *proves my point and goes on a rant about how I should be more grateful*

    Can anyone relate??

  • Parenthood is a job, like any other job, and many people are not suited to it. Unfortunately, the people most ill-suited seem to be the people who don’t realize that about themselves and have children anyway.

  • Was he 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6..? how about all of the above? The only thing that changed was he stopped drinking. But that kind of changed and amplified the rest.

  • Dude……I have an Indian dad……. nothing like this happens……I learned all this from others!!! My dad only cares abt my studies!!!!

  • Good grief this is soooo true. This is exactly what I go thru with my grown kids. I know I taught them how to do things!!! What happened???? LOL

  • Somehow I think the 88 dislikes are from people who are gay or trans., every person needs a father in their life or they will mostly be disadvantaged in life. People who brush this aside clearly have no clue about the roles that a mother and father play in the development of a child.

  • Jiu Jitsu from the age of 7. Now my son is 13 year old and practising Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, English boxing and Muay Thai in a passionate way… Building strength both mentally and physically. Amazing experience.

  • my dad hates me and he never liked to speak with me. we don t have dad-son relationship. he thinks he is training me with calling me bad person,kid who can not do anything.

  • If your girl thinks that starting a fire or hammering nails is magic… you need to break up, dude. She’s obviously either a child or a time traveling cave-woman. It will never work.

  • I don’t know it’s not because my parents are abusive or anything but we aren’t really used to showing love to each other. I’m confused, maybe it’s me who doesn’t spend more time with them. Can anyone help? Thanks����

  • My mother played both father and mother roles while my dad was constantly working and showed no interest in teaching and playing anything with me and my younger brother

  • My mom keeps saying “stop being sad, you should be happy”. Like what the heck, don’t tell me how to feel, it feels so irritating.

  • Step dad taught me how to kick aside the shyness i had and be courageous, my real dad taught me what not to do simply by doing what’s contrary to what he did.

  • My dad said if you want something you work for it and you pray and you will get it and my dad works hard he has to wake up at 4:00 i love him

  • My parents hate me they used to love me now they get mad at me when I ask for food and I can’t even lay down without them working me like a slave, and my brother has 3 fish I can’t even have a hamster I barely eat my parents give me a few dollars a week and I just buy ramen and hot sauce while they eat red lobster and Olive Garden while I eat ramen it’s like they don’t love me anymore like I’m a homeless man and I just live there

  • Unfortunately I had a friend whose mother always said that her father was totally expendable. After finishing school on time, she graduated twice, but only achieved a professional activity when she was about 40 years old. She was once fired as an intern because the boss asked her to wear makeup at work and she replied “It’s none of your business!” She spent many years in psychotherapy and I think the results delayed, but they are showing up now.

  • On the hospital, the doctor told my dad that he should get a better relationship with me since i hide a lot from him. Im going to start therapy for the first time on tuesday so i really want to have good communication:)

  • I find it interesting, I lost my father to cancer when I was young. N I don’t think I got that rough housing play. With him being in the hospital. N it was awkward later on in life when friends wanted to wrestle n play rough. It was like I didn’t know what to do so I just didn’t play those games. I feel now that I’m older a good father figure is very important especially to boys. I feel I’ve missed out n missed a lot of lessons, (shaving, cars, girls, discipline, not giving up, being strong n brave n confident.) Things I believe a dad helps u out with. I’m a father of 3 now trying to learn what a father is on my own now. So I appreciate the great video that can help me on my way to guiding my kids. They are great kids so I must be doing something right. Lol

  • i have a mentally ill father though i feel like it never really took a toll on me, i’ve been trying to discover what habits i’ve gained because of what happened! wish me luck!

  • my mother doesn’t trust me what so ever. no boys aloud over. no going places at night. no sleepovers i mean seriously she’s just making everything worse for me. i feel as if i have to hide everything from her.☹️it sucks. i just want her to trust me and let me do things.

  • Hugs are a natural stress reliever when u actually believe it gonna do crap to your relationship. After that, the same crap and arguments with the same structure that leads to no real resolution and you have spoken about comes back to slap you in the face bc u actually believed ppl were finally starting to change. Why do they go back to the same nonsense of fighting to preserve authoritarian rule or status I may eyes when even I know that as parent you only rule to be able to best serve and give and love unconditionally and inadvertently at the very least teach your child to do the same. In essence, the chance to fight for something that has crumbles ling ago is put over solving the problem, which is left up and the air, and circles back to slap all of us in the face bc it was never solve and tales more than just me to do so.

  • I have 4 younger brothers to step up for since their fathers are deadbeats (1 out of those 4 shares the same father as me) thank you for making this video, you dont have to be their father to step up to the plate.

  • My 3 year-old daughter was an anxious girl around other children in playgrounds. She’d scream In horror when a child approached her or looked at her. I always followed her around and played with her. I taught her how to make friends with random kids she meets. Now she is the social butterfly of any playground. She really is the sweetest child. Sometimes other kids are mean but it doesn’t deter her. She will either keep trying or find someone else. Never a tear these days. Martial arts is next on the list. I wish I had this when I was younger

  • My mother would mostly scream to my father to much he is getting ready to move out i am 8 years old and my dads moving out and ive been crying this whole day

  • Great message! Thanks for putting this out.

    I have started my own channel thats similar in subject to this, with Dad stories and advice! It also shares more of a personal journey of healing after the loss of my Dad. If you’re interested, please checkout my latest video:
    https://youtu.be/pFj9v2Pfkl4

    I hope you will like it and consider subscribing!
    I’ll be posting weekly on topics that cover his wisdom and that which I’ve gained throughout this process and my life.

  • Lol they talk to the viewers as if they’re the parents watching, trying to strengthen their relationship with their children, but in reality we’re the ones seeking a way to mend those relationships. Too bad….

  • One of the lessons that I learned from my father is that you reap what you sow meaning that if you want something you have to get out there and work for it.

  • I just see him as a sperm donor I’ve tried so many times to make a relationship with him but I’m just the brooding fucked up teenager to him the one that doesn’t know what she’s talking about. When he would leave he would guilt trip me for not looking or reaching out to him when I was a kid but I was just a kid but there’s no arguing or compromise with him. The sky is blue but if you tell him and he if he says red it had to be red.

  • How am I supposed to hug the people who call me “fat” and tell me my hobby is “stupid” and “if You keep getting c’s and b’s you’ll end up homeless” it’s frustrating trying to impress them. I’m just scare how there going to act when I come out.

  • Cheers to my own father who played a great role in raising me along with my mum. It is so important to have ths father play the bigger role in raising children esp daughters. Man…all those soccer sessions, sports training, boxing and good times made me just tough. He along with my uncles and grandfather played a positive role in that I love and feel comfortable around men…heres to the men out there who play a great role in supporting us ladies and.cheers to everyone out there. You all have a story to tell and are all fighters.

  • I was put in foster care the last time I remember seeing him was when I was five years old. It’s been eight years since I’ve seen him. My grandma called today and over heard her talking with my adopted mom. She said I have been trying to get him to send her a letter but he won’t. As if he doesn’t want to know his own daughter. Thinking about I don’t know how he looks it has been so long.

  • Although we can get help and get better mentally, science shows that there is permanent physical damage to our bodies in the form of small RNA mutations that are passed on for up to 3 generations. If you’ve had a screwed up childhood like myself, please seek help but also do not have children. You can thank your parents for stealing that joy from you.

  • My parents told me they loved me when i was 3, ive never heard those words from them again. They have made me gain anxiety and blame me for it, all my friends say that they will open to me but they havent. Ive hugged them, made sure they were ok and done chores so they wont be in pain. They’ve just broke me

  • My dad isn’t really described on here. His problem is he doesn’t really know how to show any emotion that isn’t anger or playfulness

  • One day,if i have a child,I try my best despite anything to be their mom,friend,and protector.They have a freedom to speeh when they’re small,not when they’ve grown up.

  • I’m sick of these liberal intellectual elites at universities using their brainwashed alumni to infiltrate mainstream media and Hollywood in order to normalise the existence of single parent families and delegitimize the importance of a family patriarch in raising strong, disciplined, children that value and will uphold the concepts of blood, nationhood, and the free market for generations to come.

    That’s why I’ve been raising my children under the strict guidance of teachings contained within the esteemed university professor Jordan Peterson’s New York Times best seller books, for the last 5 years.

    My eldest is a huge Joe Rogan and Peterson fan, and is already becoming a free-thinker that is hyper-vigilant against the post-modern, Neo Marxist bullshit telling him and his friends to “comform to woke politics and be ashamed of their imagined privilege”. He recently got his purple belt in jiu-jitsu and is finishing school next year with hopes of joining the army, so he can defend the amorphous concept of Western civilization from its enemies that are always being talked about on his podcasts.

  • My dad always made it clear that I was to always treat women with the utmost respect. My friends might call me a simp, but it’s an important lesson.

  • Hi,
    I’m having trouble getting along with my parents. We always have disagreement and arguments. Your video make me smile and better. I’ll will show them this video.

  • I am very glad these video clips are kept short and concise so you can focus on the content easily. It is very refreshing to look at and hear.

  • My lord this is every conversation that my husband has with his 19 and 25 year old sons. But he missed the “go to the drug store and get Miralax. It will take a few days”

  • Drugs and alcohol was always chosen before me, leaving me with other people cause them to sexually assault me!, Told my mom she didn’t do shit!
    Now I hate my mom, don’t let her see my kids at all

  • If I try hug my parents they honestly they tell me I’m weird and stupid for it and after we just have a fight and it just effects me more mentally

  • Sometimes I doubt being an angry and absent father is not my dad’s fault. He’s not superhuman he works hard to raise the family. I’m too vulnerable I guess.

  • Tw: alcoholism, suicide ment.
    My dad used to be an alcoholic, but wont admit it. He quit cold turkey after his doctor told him he would be dead by 50 if he continued. I was 12 when he quit, and throughout my teens he would instead vent his frustrations to me. Tell me how miserable he was, how sometimes he wanted to shoot himself. And now he simply has no idea how I have mental health issues. It’s nuts my dudes. Some parents are wack

  • This guy must live in my house. That conversation at 7:01 is verbatim my house everyday. Teens are hard. I never thought it would be so so hard. Feels like were are trapped in this horrible cycle.

  • Dad is more of a emergncy type of a guy. He’s not your everyday small that chitty chat type of a guy. But when shit hits the fan for whatever reason…dad talk.

  • My Dad: “Your car needs an oil change.”�� My 30yr old ass: “What? How do you know?”�� ( deer in head lights look on my face) My Dad: “Because, I just checked and it’s also printed on the dang sticker that’s right in front of your face when you get in and out of the car.”���� Me: Really? �� My Dad: ����������������……It’s gonna be 3yrs in May since he passed….I miss him like crazy

  • My father was raised by a bpd parent and became a manchild. I raised my father who was emotionally absent while growing up in a house full of conflict. I parented my parents because no one was there to be the second adult when thr first one failed. Im now filled with emotional wounds.

  • My father is nice as long as I am behaving exactly like he wants me to… If I express my true emotions he withdraws and becomes very cold…

  • I have a good relationship with my parents, but, my mum is kind of a shopaholic, and well.. I can go overly anxious over cluster at home, plus I live in Hong Kong, so space can be limited. My Anxiety just randomly pops up when considering to buy anything at all, that includes books, pens.. etc etc. I just think about it at the most randomest of times. I always talk to her about my concerns and my phobia of clusters, but she says purchasing items is the only way to make her happy?? How do I get her to reduce the frequency of her buying items?

  • Everyone is talking about “not continuing the cycle” but living in the fear that we’ll continue a cycle is never the way to live, so take that fear, that anger, and turn that into determination, turn that into a vow that u will NEVER continue that cycle, take the love your father never gave you and hand it off to the next generation. We decide weather we continue the cycle or not, not our fathers.

  • Our daughter was in college 5 hrs away & she drove right over a metal plate in the road that the gas company had set there, to cover the hole they were gonna come back & work on the next day. But of course she hit the EDGE of the metal plate & split her tire 3/4ths of the way around. Us: 5 hour road trip, each way and the cost of a new tire, plus Dad, on the dorm parking lot, changing a tire in the rain.! But it’s ok Honey! Deep Sigh

  • I’ve been horrible to my mum to the point she probably won’t accept any kind of apology and gift or be able to even hug me. IDK aid I’m gonna be able to fix my relationship so how can I change?

  • This is so accurate hahahah putting phone on speaker so mom can hear too—every single time. Every time. Which is then followed by “what????” roughly 50x and the call ends in me asking, “Are either of you listening? Dad walked away, didn’t he?”

  • my mom outright said that there’s probably no fixing our relationship and she said “it is what it is.” i’m 13. i love her and i want a good relationship but she doesn’t feel the need to change anything